Pokémon Go

PokemonGo Is Already Making Authorities Freak Out About Danger

Car crashes, dead bodies, pedophiles: You name it, Pokemon skeptics are worried about it


Europics / Newscom

PokemonGo is a marvel: Just a few days after the game's launch, millions of people have already downloaded it, and are racing outside into the wilds of their own neighborhoods in search of virtual monsters to capture. (Take that, Michelle Obama.)

The app, an iPhone version of the popular Nintendo game series, is a perfect example of why everyone should cheer the rise of virtual reality—technology makes our lives more meaningful by giving us more choices. The kind of experience PokemonGo offers will only becoming more entertaining and fulfilling as the tech improves and other companies compete to offer a better experience.

Which means, of course, that it's already time for nannies to start worrying that PokemonGo is dangerous. Cue the moral panic. Enter the fearmongers. (Won't someone think of the children?) Let loose the hysterical news stories.

"PokemonGo craze is causing real-life injuries and danger," warns today.com. Tens of thousands of people die in car crashes every year, but a few scrapes and bruises that resulted from game-players running into each other is a "danger."

"Playing Pokemon Go is becoming dangerous," suggest The New York Post. Even if the game wasn't a safety hazard at first, it certainly is now. Just look at these pictures; twisted ankles are only the beginning. "I don't think the company is really at fault," said one victim, naively.

"Police: Popular 'Pokemon Go' Poses Numerous Risks To Players Including Robberies, Accidents," says CBS New York. If the police think it's scary, it must be really bad. The story points out that one woman found a dead body while playing the game. PokemonGo had nothing to do with the actual death, mind you, and is only incidentally related to the corpse's discovery, but hey. What if?

"Here's Why the Internet Won't Stop Talking About Pokémon Go—and Why It's So Dangerous," explains E News. The game is not just dangerous—it's so dangerous. Because, well, some people were robbed while playing it. Not a lot of people, mind you. Just some people.

"New Pokemon Go app craze could be used by paedophiles to lure unsuspecting young players," warns The Daily Mail, in an article that goes straight for the jugular. "There are now claims that the app could be used for something more sinister altogether—such as paedophiles using the 'lure' element of the game to trap distracted children."

And who is making these claims? No one with any expertise or much evidence, but no matter:

Fearful of where this could lead, one woman carried out an 'experiment', which saw her post a 'lure' to see how many people turned up. Within moments, several children had arrived at the chosen—most without parents—having ignored their usual 'stranger danger' radar in pursuit of the monster.

'It occurs to me that someone could use this for nefarious purposes', the user known as Robin wrote.

Anyone can use anything for nefarious purposes, of course, and would-be child rapists have plenty of other tools at their disposal. It seems to me that luring a bunch of people—some of them adults, who are also playing the game—to a public place is not a particularly full-proof child-abduction plan. And, as Lenore Skenazy has argued exhaustively, stranger danger fears are overblown: Most abductions are perpetrated by someone known to the abductee, often as a result of custody disputes. Whether or not the kid is playing Pokemon.

"Warning: Pokemon GO is a Death Sentence if you are a Black Man," claims a Medium writer, doing his best to top The Mail. The writer reasons that cops are more likely to stop a black person who is wandering around aimlessly trying catching Pokemon than a white person. He further reasons that the cops would be more likely to escalate the situation into a lethal encounter if the trainer—which is what people who catch Pokemon are called in the Pokeverse—were black. This makes sense, it just doesn't follow whatsoever that playing PokemonGo is a "death sentence" for black people. There's no evidence that the game has been, or will be, an important contributor to anti-black violence.

What to make of the already palpable moral panic over PokemonGo? People unfamiliar with the television show based on the original game might be interested to know that it concerned a 10-year-old boy named Ash Ketchum who leaves home to wander forests, caverns, mountains, islands, jungles, and volcanoes that are crawling with actual monsters. Ash sets out alone. This is considered normal in the world of Pokemon.

People who download PokemonGo need only a little of Ash's courage. If players follow basic, obvious outdoor safety precautions—look both ways before crossing the street, safety in numbers, etc.—then searching for virtual Pokemon will be no more dangerous than doing anything else.

Related: Pokemon Bringing People Together

NEXT: Transgender Bathroom Panic Will Help Shape Republican Party Platform

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  1. Can we just focus on the actual problem, which is allegedly grown adults running around playing a fucking Pok?mon game as if they’re on summer break in between third and fourth grades?

    1. Yeah! Why won’t these losers distract themselves from the bleakness of their meaningless existence in ways *I* approve of?!

      1. Like spending hours a day commenting on a cosmotarian website?…

      2. I lol’d

      3. Yeah! F anyone who does things differently than I do.

      4. ^Albert Camus approves this comment

        1. Albert Camus was an execrable nihilist.

      5. Exactly. Fuck those people.

    2. Acting a little more like kids ain’t gonna hurt the “grown adults” of this country any.

      1. And there’s always the hope that while they’re obsessing over this childish game, that they’ll forget, at least momentarily, about wanting to oppress their neighbors.

      2. Yeah, because we need MORE “Gimme,gimme,gimme”, and “That’s NOT fair!”

      3. Especially if they do it like the kids in the games; coming up with their own solutions and facing adversity with more aplomb then these writers display.

    3. I’ll do as I please. You can go fuck yourself if you please.

      1. I’m with Riven. Fuck off.

    4. How dare adults play!

    5. Hey, go fuck yourself. I was 12 when the original game came out and do you realize how spectacularly awesome it is to feel like I’m 12 again? It’s better than strippers and coke. That’s how good it is.

      1. So…strippers and coke *also* make you feel 12 again, just not in as awesome a way as Pokemon does?

        1. There are wrong ways to take that comment, and then there’s this.

      2. Whereas strippers and coke make you feel like you’re 13 again.

    6. My Co-Worker’s step-sister made $15200 the previous week. She gets paid on the laptop and moved in a $557000 condo. All she did was get blessed and apply the guide leaked on this web site. Browse this site.. This is what I do..
      Go here to this… http://www.trends88.com

  2. Everything I know about Pokemon Go, I learned from Hugh Akston.

    1. I still haven’t figured out the whole Gym thing.

      1. Get to level 5 and we’ll talk.

        *secret hand gesture*

        1. I hit level six a lunch broheim. I tried the local gym and got destroyed.

          1. Wah wah… So do you know how to fight? Tap the screen for basic attacks, tap hold and release for special attacks, swipe left and right to dodge? It’s basically hack-and-slack style instead of turn based, so expect to do a lot of spamming

            1. Riven knows what’s up.

            2. Shit I didn’t know you had to do shit. I thought that was the mandigos Pokemons job.

              1. No wonder you got your face owned! Lol. Well, better luck next time, eh?

                1. Thanks to you, the local gym will tremble in fear at my 148 CP Ponyta!

                  1. Weak. Go home and be a family man!

                    I’m all about the fat stacks of Eevees near my house. My Flareon (640 cp) is going to wreck some Tangela face at the local gym tonight.

      2. My group just turned your house into a Gym, you’ll be finding out soon…

  3. Car crashes, dead bodies, pedophiles

    Haha oh man that reminds me of SugarFree’s birthday party.

    1. What’s Warty’s basement, chopped liver?

      1. You’ll never find any of those things in Warty’s rape parlor. If any of his guests die of phallus-related hemorrhaging, he just eats them.

        1. That Robin chick was thinking of Warty’s rape dungeon, specifically. Right now, Warty is using Pokemon Go to lure unsuspecting children to his basement.

          1. How long until we hear these stories on local news? That’s why I never turn on local news.

  4. Missed one:

    Pok?mon No: Suspects believed to have used ‘Pok?mon Go’ to rob players

    1. Don’t forget the two black trainers + 1 white trainer = drug buy.

  5. The kind of experience PokemonGo offers will only becoming more entertaining and fulfilling as the tech improves and other companies compete to offer a better experience.

    At this very moment Steve Smith is feverishly teaching himself to code.

    1. What? PokemonRape? Or PokemonNONONONONO?

      1. Augmented reality game.

        “Wow, it’s just like STVE SMITH is really in my living room!” And that’s because STEVE SMITH is really in your living room!

  6. On the plus side, Pokemon Go is apparently useful for finding missing bodies:

    For one Wyoming Pok?mon Go player, a search for Pok?mon led her to a dead body instead. Shayla Wiggins, a Riverton, Wyoming resident, wanted to find Pok?mon located near a natural water resource, according to County 10. She went to the nearby Big Wind River and jumped over a fence to get into the area designated by the game to find her next catch.

    Related: Yes, it’s popular, but is ‘Pok?mon Go’ even a video game? We debate

    In place of a Pok?mon, she discovered the body of an unidentified man floating in the water. The teen told County 10, “I was walking towards the bridge along the shore when I saw something in the water. I had to take a second look and I realized it was a body.” She quickly called 911 and reported her discovery to authorities, who confirmed Wiggins did indeed find the body of a drowned man.


    1. “I threw the pok? ball at the body just to see if I could catch it,” she continued.

    1. 2nd place. Meaning: last place.

      1. Since this was mentioned IN THE POST, Rich was actually 3rd place. 😛

        1. Robby’s posts are for skimming.

      2. 2nd place. Meaning: last place.


      1. THAT’s the joke!

      2. Wow, they really stepped up the graphics.

  7. Hey man, I i know it might sound oddish but I just need to find a wheedle for my jigglypuff

    *Note: not a pokemon go player but I live with 5 of them and they made me spend a good chunk of last night driving them around catching monsters and gathering pokeballs

    1. the whole point is to walk and explore. Driving does not count. If all they care about is “winning” by cheating, they are missing the whole point.

      How about you drive them to a park or a mall and let them out

      1. Oh they were on their way back from a 5 mile walk (2.5 miles out and then back) when I picked them up. I had just gotten done running an errand and was driving past them so I stopped to check and see if the youngest or oldest were getting tired and wanted a ride back home. Instead them made me drive them another 2 miles past where they stopped walking to pick up several more poke stops that they wouldn’t have been able to reach on foot.

    2. Have you tried beating them?

      1. Yeah but it is too much paper work when I beat the kids and the wife just likes it and asks for more

    3. If you are driving then you aren’t doing it right. Hack trainers make me sick.

      1. Agreed. The people drawing suspicion are those in the cars mostly. The trainers I’ve met on the street, 90% friendly. It’s those creepers in the car that kill the vibe. It’s pokemon go! Not pokemon sit on your ass and waste gas.

      2. Notably, it’s designed to not count driving or trains toward certain goals, like distance traveled achievements (medals) and hatching eggs.

  8. Pokemon Go is great you weirdos. It’s getting peopel of all ages to go out, explore, and talk to each other. The same people bitching about it now are the same that complain kids stay inside all day.

    In one weekend this app did more good than 8 years of Michelle Obama.

    Totally predicatable on the fearmongering press. Fuck everything about these people. #FreeRangeKids

    1. But damn it, some company produced this game to make a profit! At least Michelle cares about kids, you filthy, money-loving, free-market fundamentalist!

      God, I’ll bet you don’t even.

      1. C’mon, It’s The Current Year

    2. When it’s coming down to either kids stay inside all the time or be seized by cops and social services, I think maybe staying inside all the time is a winner. I wonder how many calls to cops and social services this has generated by now? I’m guessing thousands. Can they make catching busy bodies and shooting them out of a cannon part of the game?

      1. It may have generated tons of calls, but the cops can’t do anything about it. Seriously there are THOUSANDS of kids out there. I feel like Piper in They Live when I see all these kids out there with cell phones and no one seems to think anything is different.

        I think nothing could be cooler.

        1. I haven’t been out of the house since Saturday. I know that’s lame, but I chilled with some beers Sunday, and I worked all day today, at home. I have to drive to the office tomorrow, so I’m gonna be on the lookout for some of these Pokemon Goers, or whatever you call them, on the way. I seriously doubt anyone cares in my neighborhood, kids even sled here in the winter and set up lemonade stands in summer, totally unmolested by the authoritah and busy bodies.

          1. Download the app and look for pokestops. It is hilarious.

            Today I was walking with my boss for our 1:1 and (we are in the tech industry) I was talking about how Pokemon was a game changer. He was skeptical. So I pull out my phone, and found the nearest pokestop and dropped a lure on it.

            We sat down at a park bench and went through a couple of status updates. After less than 10 minutes, the area was crawling with young professionals hanging out by the landmark. There were at least 20 of them, and not one was under the age of 21 (we were in the middle of a business park in Los Angeles.)

            As we got up to walk away, he looked back at them, and I just repeated, “Game. Changer.”

            1. Yep, I dropped a lure today, and what do you know, people come crawling out of the apartments to come share the bounty. Great way to meet the neighbors worth meeting.

    3. Agreed. I love that someone finally found something that’ll get the little bastards’ asses out of the house, and I’m not at all amazed that it was a product of capitalism rather than the usual propaganda that the government pumps out.

    4. I have no problem whatsoever with kids playing this, since it’s a silly kids game. Allegedly fully grown men, on the other hand……

      1. Looking at Youtube videos, I mostly see teens and adults in their 20s playing it.

      2. Pokemon was the childhood game of people in their late twenties. There are more adults who will want to play this than kids. Get over it.

      3. How is this any different to football or basketball or golf or frisbee or any other game or sport that brings people of different ages together?

        1. Basketball and football are not imaginary, nonexistent animals.

  9. Well, if PokemonGo is making our children less safe, certainly the same “logic” can be applied to water parks, arcades, playgrounds, or any other public space designed to “lure” children.

  10. I mean seriosuly, fuck all the news outlets mentioned above and fuck all the writers. The only thing you can do to generate clicks for your worthless little site is to fearmonger. You have nothing to contribute to society.

    1. The media are going to do what they do over this, the same as they do over everything, shit their pants and try to ruin any possibility of humans trying to have fun.

      1. There are times I long for the days when newspaper reporters and editors were regularly caned in the streets by an outraged populace…

        1. We need to bring back this caning. And tar and feathers for the politicians, don’t one them to miss out.

    2. To mong fear?

  11. “PokemonGo could literally rape you in the ass,” according to one self-described Pokemon expert, who goes by the online moniker Peter Gozinya.

    “We can’t know for sure, but we can’t 0 discount the possibility of a Pokemon-inspired ass-fucking,” he continued.

    1. Can’t rape the willing.

      1. I’d even expect some pushback.

        1. Wise beyond your years, Playa.

        2. That’s how you end up making a mess, dude.

          1. I thought it was how you got ants.

  12. We need a war on Pokeymon!

    Have we reached peak retard yet?

    OT: Interesting article on Putin’s Russia:

    Mikhail Khororkovsky and Putin’s Russia

    I found this sentence interesting:

    The apparatus of government is in the hands of a sprawling family-like structure that strives only to accumulate wealth and power.

    I’m not sure why at the moment, but that rings eerily familiar…

    1. Perhaps an echo of the Tsar regime?

      1. Don’t worry, Trump will appoint a Pokeman czar, no doubt. Clinton will appoint a whole task force.

      2. You mis-spelled “Clinton”.

        1. +1 family-like structure

    2. It’s like we need a team to battle this phenomenon. A team with the sophistication of rocket scientists.

  13. Video EVIDENCE of what all this is leading to. You’ve been warned.

  14. I bet half the stupid suburban parents are going to fall into the “Oh wow Jimmy is actually going outside” camp, and the other half is “Jimmy can’t go outside! Then he will be out of my control and be depending on me … I mean it’s so DANGEROUS out there!”


    1. *kicks sand at Carl* SAND ATTACK!

      That’s from Team Valor! Expect more of it

      1. No one likes team valor, Riven.

      2. Red Team Best Team

      3. TeamValor is pretty crappy. “Overpaying for horses that don’t win after we buy them” is their motto…

  16. I just love that people are reporting that cops are dominating the game because all they do is drive around all day which gives them the opportunity to catch a lot monsters.

    1. Maybe they’ll have less time to shoot people now? Pokemon Go is now my favorite thing ever.

  17. Obama just appeared on national TV for an urgent address:

    I want to warn everyone about this uhh, this umm, this uhhh, Pokemon menace that is becoming the latest threat to us all. If if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if this Poke.. uhhh, ummm, this this, ummm, Pokeman Go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go… umm, how long, until… uhh, umm, we do do do do do something, if if if if if if if if if if if if if if … Congress won’t act, then I ummm, I’ll act alone!

    1. Eloquent, as always, sir.

  18. Zapdos is underneath my bathrobe.

        1. That’s more perplexing than this to me. I just… what?

    1. Playing Pokemon Go as a person of color is hard. You can’t just walk in your neighbors yard for a squirtle or you’ll get shot

      Because everyone loves white people who trespass. They just go better with the garden gnomes.

      1. You can’t just walk in your neighbors yard for a squirtle

        These euphemisms are getting perplexing.

        1. They’re not that perplexing.

      2. If I look out my window and see some stranger squirtling in my yard I think shooting them would be appropriate.

      3. Yeah, I really wish they’d stop putting things you want inside other people’s property. I’m not going into someones else’ yard, or going into the apartment complex with a big ‘Private Property’ sign just to look at the rustling grass.

  19. Remember that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where one of Riker’s space prostitutes intruduced him to a video game that eventually hooked the entire crew of the Starship Enterprise and ended up subjugating them for some nefarious purpose? Everyone was acting against their own well-being just to play this thing. Well, my point in bringing this show up now is this: I wonder how Ashley Judd ever had a career after starring in that.

    1. Combine already famous name with superhot (at least when she was younger) and you don’t even need to be a below average actress to get a couple of starring roles

    2. Space prostitutes… Ashley Judd… what was the name of that episode?

      1. “The Game or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Space Orgasm”

    3. You can scrub and scrub until your skin is bloody but the smell of Wil Wheaton never comes off.

    4. I’m reminded of Chimpokomon.
      Anybody catch Shoe?

    5. I wish the Federation had been like The Culture: a ridiculous post-scarcity utopia where getting high was ok. Also boning.

      Instead you get Troi and Crusher pointing out that your boobs may be nice and firm, but nobody cares.

      1. I wish the Federation had been like The Culture: a ridiculous post-scarcity utopia where getting high was ok and god-like AIs built warships capable of turning Dyson rings into confetti, and peridiocally entire species would just ascend into higher planes of existence

  20. I’m 27 and child of the 90’s, this is game is 15 year old wet dream in the making.

    I packed 12 beers, some weed, and a bottle of booze into a backpack Saturday night, headed out to the burbs, and frolicked about from midnight to 6am with the bros hunting pokemon. Ran into some other teens hitting up the pokestore at the park.

    Also had some ‘cool’ kids drive by and call us fucking nerds… Pretty lolz to be burned so bad at 27 ha.

    1. Ran into some other teens hitting up the pokestore at the park.

      This is exactly what this article is about.

      Thanks for confirming the trend.

      1. Not that pokestore. Get your mind ouf of the gutter!

      2. I mean the reality is people are going to meet up playing the game because landmarks and centralized locations are marked on the map for people to go do things in game — there is no denying that.

        In my example above though we just laughed about how awesome the game is with those teens and ran around the park for a bit then parted ways.

        1. In my example above though we just laughed about how awesome the game is with those teens and ran around the park for a bit then parted ways.

          Is this your way of saying you chased them around the wooded area but they escaped before being thrown into your econoline PokeVan?

    2. Other teens? You’re not a teen. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir.

      1. Ouch, I’m sitting in my cubicle right now man! Fist! First post on every god damn article — YOU go get a job!

        1. Condolences. The other commenters lost. Do you hear me? The other commenters will always lose!

        2. His job is to post first.

  21. Repost:

    We’ve now got people playing this game leaving their rooms and getting lost in the hospital (complete with IV bag holders, etc.), violating all kinds of restricted areas in the hospital – intensive care wards, “G-Contact” rooms (meaning, you go in this room without a moonsuit, you may literally die because you shit out your insides), etc. I expect to hear that we’ve got people wandering into our ORs looking for Pokemons.

    Oh, and our staff is apparently creating Pokemons around the hospital.

    But, we aren’t begging for armed agents of the state to deal with this, so there’s that.

    1. Most hospitals, you have to scan into restricted areas. I would say if that hospital is allowing people to just walk into restricted areas, they’re setting themselves up for a huge liability suit.

      1. Tailgating, dude. Its a thing.

        Plus, there’s no card readers on the G-Contact rooms.

        1. Look man, I’m going to catch that Chansey one way or another. And if Nurse Joy makes eyes at me I may just taker her too.

    2. I thought you were the armed agent in your hospital.

      1. We have dogs for that. Eastern European security dogs that can make a wolf show his belly and beg for mercy.

  22. Also to be fair — everyone playing pokemon go has at one point turned to their buddy and said, “dude people are going to die playing this game.”

    Stopping in the street and poor black kids trying to play were up there on my list of shit that’s going to wrong. All one needs to do is play for a 30 min and you’ll have a few moments where you almost take a misstep or the like. That’s the truth but fuck this fear mongering.

    1. That kind of shit is natural selection at work. Pokemon is all about evolution.

    2. My son was just telling me that a lot of his friends have been getting drunk after work and going out to play Pokemon Go.

    3. And the cops are playing.

      Cop 1: ‘Look over there, does that kid have a gun’?

      Cop 2: ‘Worse, he’s got a cell phone and he’s on Red Team!’

      Cop 1 and 2: *bang* *bang* *bang* *bang* *bang* *bang* … *bang* *bang* *bang*

      Cop 1: ‘I thought that was a gun!’

      Cop 2: ‘He was coming right at us, good shoot!’

      1. Whatever. You don’t even begin to address mon-on-mon attacks.

        1. No, but I totally want to see lots of them! I’m searching Youtube right now… OH! Here’s one, two milfs rip each other’s clothes off in Pokemon Go dispute… I’ll be in my bunk.

        2. Is that a Jamaican thing?

      2. Better dead than Red. Valor Sucks. Mystic Forever!

        1. It really is making you 12 again. That’s cool.

    4. BTW, why did no one complain about Ingress, which as I understand it, are the same people who made this.

      1. Ingress wasn’t nearly as popular. It was really hard to get into. This has broad appeal as going on a real-life pokemon adventure is fantasy crack-cocaine.

  23. Apparently you might not want to combine your iPhone and your Gmail account, if you’re worried about your privacy:


  24. “full-proof”, Robby? Really?
    No Pok?mon for you for the rest of the day.

    1. We’re trying to punish him here. Let me try…

      No hair products until 5pm.

      You wanna hurt Robby? You gotta kick him in the tender places.

  25. So, Robby, where’s the Youtube vid of you and your friends playing Pokemon go? If you’re going to report on something, you got to get on the street, dawg.

  26. Remember how the Sony Walkman was killing people? Yeah, I’m that old.

  27. RE: PokemonGo Is Already Making Authorities Freak Out About Danger
    Car crashes, dead bodies, pedophiles: You name it, Pokemon skeptics are worried about it

    The government nannies are quite correct in worrying about Pokeman. As we all know, there is nothing more dangerous on this planet than a cartoon. One only has to look at a four-year old’s mind to see how such depravity on celluloid can destroy a child’s mind. Mass murders started down the path of their vicious and homicidal paths by watching cartoons as a child. Then they drank milk. Then they ate some cookies. Then they took their naps. The rest is history, dark and nefarious. The only way we can ensure that children do not become criminals or enemies of The State is to eliminate cartoons, free speech and skim milk.
    I’m sure there is a college professor out there itching to get a grant to study this phenomenon will agree with me.

    1. Wouldn’t it be great if this little app finally snaps the millennials out of their stupor and makes them realize that government authorities are not their friends, but are instead a gang of sociopath oppressors? Pokemon may just save us and finally bring about a libertarian moment.

      1. Sadly, I do not think the millennials will come out of their socialist stupor until they get their first paycheck and recognize their indoctrination is swelled with lies.
        Nevertheless, I can’t think of anyone (certainly not Trump the Grump or Heil Hitlary) to make the millennials to see the folly of socialism.
        Political indoctrination is a tough scab to remove from one’s mind sometimes.

    2. As we all know, there is nothing more dangerous on this planet than a cartoon.

      Agreed. How soon we forget the destruction the dastardly John Chimpo wrought.

      1. You mean carbon, not cartoon.

    3. So…why didn’t we get all this shit with Ingress?

    1. A chance to share my penis with unsuspecting folk? I am in!

    2. I’m gunna go return some videotapes…

    3. Fun is bad guys!

  28. These people are worse than the goddamn nuns who took my Gameboy at Catholic school in the 90s.

    1. The age of enlightenment is over bro, we’re entering the new dark ages.

  29. My roommate and his coworkers have renamed their old man walks into Poke Walks.

  30. No, the thing to make you freak out is that Niantic is asking for FULL ACCESS to your Google account information in order to allow you to play the game. That’s Google Drive, all of your Google Mail (which in turn is frequently used to reset passwords on other sites), location services – everything. Also, they’re not telling you upfront that they’re doing this, and that this has been known publicly for at least a week and Niantic hasn’t yet “fixed the glitch.”

    People who download PokemonGo need more than Ash’s courage: they need a “burner” Google account, or [insert Hillary Clinton joke here.]


    1. That’ll be fixed.

  31. Go read the comments on that Medium article, if you want to give yourself a good reason to kill yourself and leave this planet.

    1. I’m immune, so I’ll do it.

    2. The thing i see most often in response to these sorts of narcissistic hand-wringing exercises is =

      – gushing celebration of the bravery and insight of the author for making a very cliche argument about how “everything hurts minorities the most”

      – celebrating others for their celebrations

      – tut tutting and bemoaning the existence of any “haters” (people who suggest that maybe the narrative is a tad exaggerated), who are merely more proof of our hopelessly white supremacist society

      Its an exercise that really doesn’t require any discussion of the content. Its all about “WOW SO BRAVE” “YOUR STORY INSPIRES EVERYONE” “SO SAD AT ALL THE RACISTS HATING”.

      the fact that its about “How Pokemon is Killing Black Men” isn’t really ever acknowledged as being inherently silly.

    3. I wonder how many young black men Omari mentors.

  32. I just think it’s great that people of all ages and background are bonding over digital cockfighting.

    1. digital. Crusty says yawn.

  33. When they invent a version that lets you murder virtual prostitutes, let me know.

    1. virtual? stop being such a pussy

      1. When i first moved to Wburg (2000)… for about 8 years, a corner 1 block away from me had prostitutes on it every night.

        And they were … well, how to say it. If they came in “grades”, like meat? These were Grade D, “Barely Fit for Human Consumption”. 50yr old puerto rican heroin addicts who looked like they were 70 and draped in leftover christmas-wrapping. I mean, they were just awful, pitiful, gut churning.

        there was a bar just down the block owned by this guy (can’t even remember what it was called)… anyway, one night i’m sitting in there and i ask the bartender, “what’s the deal with those hags?”

        He explained = “you’ve seen the minivans?” No/yes/maybe. “The hasidics. in the mini vans.” Oh… sure, yeah. “Its them”. They’re the customers? Nod. “Every day but Friday and (something else)”. They get blowjobs in their vans. Its a thing. Its not adultery in their religion if its not with a jew.

        I don’t know what grossed me out worse – the women, or the gross, overweight sweaty hasids who were their key customers.

        anyway, it all got cleaned up around 2008 or so when developers bought all the property around there.

        1. Wow. That is pretty sad. I don’t get it. I was propositioned last summer by this scrawny old addict with bad teeth. I gave her $5 and told her to have a nice day. I used to live in that same neighborhood 35 years ago when it was a little rough but not that bad. Now it looks like a third world ghetto. Sad to see it like that.

  34. I was going to download it for the grandkids visiting next week (for the next month) but I read the reviews and it seems that those of us deep in the sticks are SOL.

    OT : Google just led me to this article from a few years back and I quite enjoyed it, but I enjoyed the first comment and the minor shitstorm it stirred up even more.


    1. Just give them all pellet guns and they can play war games in the woods, like we all did as kids.

    2. If you have wifi, they can piggy back off that and still play. I was in the boonies when this launched and discovered exactly how far my dad’s wifi reached down the street (unfortunately it stopped just short of the pokestop.

  35. “You kids stop playing that video came and come inside!”

    /modern mom

  36. Pokemon stories are even gayer than stories about trigger-happy panty-wastes running around in circles on the quad.

  37. So Dennis is Gilmore, The Fusionist used to be somebody else I knew, and Paul is somebody else besides?

    All this happened because of that jackass, Preet Bahara. Everybody went woodchip this and woodchip that, and now nobody knows who’s who and who’s Tulpa.

    1. shut up Tulpa;)

    2. You’re Tulpa, we all got that straight. Paul was here 10 years ago. Palin’s Butthead AND AddictionMyth are shreek. What am I missing?

      1. Who the fuck did Hyp’s Brexit Butthurt Lotion used to be?

        1. Oh for the love of bejeebus, Ken. I’m Hyperion, you know that! There’s actually quite a few people here who have never changed their name, or if they did, have since changed it back. I think you were here back in 2007 when I first started posting here, and I’ve always been Hyperion, except during the Great Woodchipper Uprising and post Brexit.

          1. I didn’t know if you were Hyperion or someone making fun of Hyperion.

            I knew there was a Hyperion connection somehow, but how am I supposed to know?

            I’m gonna change my name to Hungry Hippo.

            1. Well, just remember, if you change it to Ken’s Hungry Hippo, and you sound exactly like Ken Shultz when you post, we might figure out it’s you, (;

    3. I’ve been here since…2004? Third handle. The first one I had to shame-retire due to shitposting when angry, the second one I just retired.

      I still remember being blown away by how big a troll joe was. He was like some kind of unstoppable troll force. The threads where he’d fight anyone and everyone for days at a time. His debate tricks. His bad-faith arguing. Nobody came close until Mary (maybe Caesar acting as the Michael Medved-esque Neil), but Mary is just bonkers. joe was worse, somehow. Sometimes.

  38. It’s official: we need another couple generations occupying foxholes for a few years. We’ve gone too goddamn soft.

    1. What are you saying–that Pokemon is gay as hell?


      1. Using gay as a pejorative is why there are no gay libertarians, you cunt.

        1. Hahaha! Never forget.

    2. We just need to require males exhibit minor amounts of masculinity before being allowed to procreate. It’s a restriction on men, and probably will disproportionately hit white people and honorary white people, so progs will probably not complain about it.

  39. Libetarians should be freaking-out about PokemonGo as a surveillance indoctrination tool. Wasn’t there a Star Trek episode about this…

  40. What is missed in all of this is that Pokemon Go is a GPS app. The criminals who used a lure to get some folks to rob? Yeah, they had the GPS of their location in their damn pockets. Exactly what kind of crime is going to be committed while wearing a GPS tracker? Answer: The last one that person commits.

  41. using the ‘lure’ element of the game

    That is not remotely how that feature works.

    Funny how there were none of these articles in the period between the Japanese and American releases.

    Oh, right, because the Japanese don’t spend their days looking for new things to pants-wet over.

  42. “Here’s Why the Internet Won’t Stop Talking About Pok?mon Go?and Why It’s So Dangerous,” explains E News.

    Oh please. E! News is just upset the game is diverting attention away from the Kardashians.

  43. As soon as I started hearing about Pokemon Go panic, my first thought was “This sounds like typical hype-driven bullshit!”

    So, does this make me hopelessly cynical, or oddly optimistic?

  44. Pokemon Go have just been released in several countries and in fanpage of its, thousand (or million) of comments asking for the official release in their country. It’s dangerous not because of itself, I think.
    I hope gamers would be more careful for their own sake, at least, not too much aggressive to go to dangerous place.

  45. To avoid dangers I have downloaded PokemonGO for PC and I play it on my PC.

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