The Fifth Column

Impotent Gun-Grabbery, Redacted Islam, Deflated Trump, and O.J. All Day: The New Fifth Column

Three-headed podcast argues amongst itself over race, terrorism, and...infrastructure?


Subscribers already know that this dropped yesterday, but for the rest of you, here is lucky number Episode 13 of The Fifth Column, your very favorite podcast starring Kmele Foster, Michael C. Moynihan, and me:

Among the topics:

* Democrats' impotent emoting on guns.

* The rise of the brutal Mangu-Ward reign of terror.

* Whether America is ready to #FeelTheJohnson.

* The Justice Department's laughably awful attempts to redact ISIS out of Orlando.

* Kmele's terrible proposed names for the podcast.

* Donald Trump's lousy week/month.

* Me comparing Gov. Andrew Cuomo's Twitter feed to "putting your mouth on a firehose of bland, flaccid, statism."

* And a whole lot of arguing about O.J. Simpson.

The kids say this one is pretty funny, so click the clicky if you need a laugh. And head over to the podcast website for all the informations!

NEXT: Supreme Court Upholds Constitutionality of Affirmative Action in University of Texas Case

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  1. impotent

    Finally, you fellas are speaking my language.

  2. 3 things:
    1) great way to spend my commute, listening.
    2) when is my guest appearance getting booked?
    3) seriously, does Moynihan get paid by the word, or the syllable?

  3. OJ SImpson?

    The football player?

    1. Football player, actor, murderer, failed thief.

    2. Don’t really remember much about him. I do seem to recall him running through airports at top speed, leaping over baggage. I just assumed he was stealing something and trying to get away. Those little monkeys really can go. I do seem to recall a kerfuffle a few years later – something about autographs and guns. Was there anything else? Did he commercials for Ford or something? Maybe it was Ginsu knives.

  4. Paul can finally breathe easily.

  5. “Pod… cast”? This must be some more of that reaching out to millenials I’ve been hearing about.

    Sigh… OK this one actually sounds fun. Might check it out.

  6. * The rise of the brutal Mangu-Ward reign of terror.


    1. I am despairing over the typos I’ve seen in recent posts.

      1. Typos make you despair?

        Jesus Christ, some people are sensitive.

    2. But only Celeborn gets her to #feelthejohnson.

      “Hey babe, why don’t you come up to my flet and see me sometime.”

      1. You think all she gave Gimli was a bit of hair? How cute.

    3. Her purple locks make me want to fight statism

  7. I notice you’re not discussing the most important issue of the day, which is, of course, taking Jackson off the $20 bill.

    I don’t have a problem with that in principle–but I find these empty symbolic gestures nauseating. For example, when Obama is personally responsible for keeping millions of blacks in constant fear of imprisonment by way of the drug war, watching him replace a picture of Jackson with Tubman doesn’t impress me much.

    Also, if our money’s going to be all about signaling, why don’t we go balls out?

    Grant was a slaveholder who specifically targeted civilians with the military. Crazy Horse, on the other hand, took up arms against the U.S. government in defense of his rights–during the Grant presidency. I say we put Crazy Horse on the $50 bill.

    Also, why is Lincoln on both the $5 bill and the penny? I say we replace him on one or the other with John Browning. If it were only for the Winchester 1894 and the 1911, he should be on the money. And if the left can use the money for signaling, well, Second Amendment rights advocates can play that game, too.

    1. I say we put Calvin Coolidge on our money for presiding over the gentlest recession in history and its spectacular recovery.

      1. I agree!

    2. And if the left can use the money for signaling, well, Second Amendment rights advocates can play that game, too.

      Well, then, saying we should take former NRA President Grant off of the $50 seems counterproductive to that goal.

      1. If he were on the money for that reason, that would be one thing.

        He’s not on there for that reason.

        He’s just not.

    3. Welp this it everyone, the thing that finally drives Ken around the bend. I suggest we all order popcorn in bulk, as his descent into gibbering madness will entertaining in the same way as The Hotwives of Orlando: tragic and a little shameful to watch, but so compelling that you can’t look away.

      1. He does have a point though.

        Engaging in occasional, petty, symbolic racial pandering… while doing absolutely nothing about the drug war, criminal-justice, or urban-educational reform… is pretty much Obama’s legacy

        more than that, i don’t think there’s much to say. i think maybe its interesting that BLM advocates have generally avoided pointing the finger at his obvious disinterest those sorts of things.

      2. We took the Confederate flag down because of a church shooting in Charleston. Maybe putting John Browning on the penny would signal defiance in the wake of Orlando.

    4. If empty symbolic gestures make your nauseated, how to you ever keep anything down?

      1. I gave an example of why I find this empty symbolic gesture nauseating.

        Not every empty symbolic gesture is meant to prop up Obama’s empty and symbolic moral authority.

        Yeah, I find doing that especially nauseating.

      1. I was in a 7-11 the other day. I gave the guy working the cash register a Susan B. Anthony. He looks at me, and with a thick Indian accent he says, “I don’t want this piece of shit”.

        Think about it.

    5. Woody Wilson for the $12 bill!

    6. I think we should put whoever owns the most treasury bonds at any given time on some of the bills. If we’re doing some signalling with non-whites, some old black has been doesn’t hold a candle to putting on a China man or two. Maybe a chairman of Federal Reserve branch or two as well.

      But we MUST take off the “God” thing, in Bretton Woods we trust.

    7. Oh, and last note on the ever important money issue . . . is there anything we could have done more degrading to Sacajawea than put her on the Sacajawea?

      That was mean.

      Do people even remember the Sacajawea dollar? What a piece of crap that was!

  8. I don’t have time until after lunch…. do they politely avoid talking about Johnson/Weld on CNN last night?

    the articles so far from Ed/Robby struck me as desperately trying to find a pony.

    1. We taped Tuesday night….

      1. a 36hour lag!? its like ancient history. I’m already nostalgic for tuesday. I have a distant memory of “weeping lebron james”-memes being circulated. It was a more innocent time.

        1. Do you have any idea how long it takes to prepare these things ahead of time?

          There’s the music and choreography. And the costumes! Don’t forget the costumes.

          That it takes them 36 hours to mix it doesn’t surprise me. And don’t forget, it needs to be dubbed in 26 languages.

        2. Joshing aside, I’m pretty sure it actually was up on Tuesday night, at least that’s when my phone notified me about it. Matt’s just busy being…at large…or something…and evidently didn’t get around to posting about it.

    2. It was recorded Tuesday night, so that would be impressive.

      1. If anyone could have done it, it would have been Kmele.

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  10. Sounds like we need to discuss German gun-control. Obviously isn’t strict enough.…..tcmp=hpbt4

  11. I actually subscribe to this podcast. Yes, I had to Google how to do that.

    It is excellent. Kmele Foster is always calmly great. Michael is insightful and funny and a little weird, like dudes I hung out with in junior high. Matt, well, you guys know who Matt is. Always, nearly, coming close to nailing it.

  12. “Impotent gun-grabbery”

    Flaccid Firearms Filching?

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