FBI Found Hundreds of Classified Documents on Computer of Petraeus Mistress, At Least Three Killed in Tel Aviv Shooting, Hobbit Species Shrank Rapidly: P.M. Links

|

  • Ryan Somma/flickr

    Speaker Paul Ryan met behind closed doors to stress his endorsement of Donald Trump to House Republicans and ask them to back him as well. Hillary Clinton is set to make a rare appearance on Fox News. Gary Johnson makes a pitch to Bernie Sanders voters.

  • The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.
  • Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for a closer security relationship with the U.S. in an address to Congress.
  • Gunmen in Tel Aviv killed at least three and wounded at least six before being apprehended by police.
  • Police shot and injured at least nine people during student protests against corruption in Papua New Guinea.
  • An EgyptAir flight from Cairo to Beijing had to land in Uzbekistan after a receiving a threat the airline said turned out to be a hoax.
  • A nine-foot long alligator was caught in a lake in Florida after an alligator in the lake was seen with a human arm in his mouh.
  • The International Tennis Federation banned Maria Sharapova for two years for testing positive for a banned drug.
  • New fossil evidence suggests the hobbit-sized species found on the Indonesian island of Flores could have shrunk from homo erectus in as fast as 300,000 years.

NEXT: Californians Will Get Their Choice Between Coke, Diet Coke for the Senate

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. New fossil evidence suggests the hobbit-sized species found on the Indonesian island of Flores could have shrunk from homo erectus in as fast as 300,000 years.

    That Peter Jackson…

    1. DAMMIT! DAMN YOU! FROM HELL’S HEART I STAB AT THEE!

      1. I too am a little bit disappointed in what Eugene chooses to do with his time-travel abilities.

      2. So close. And I was being yapped at here in the office, so that distraction nearly gave you the glorious immortality of a firstie,

        1. Still rockin’ that condom-tester job, Fistie?

          1. Never. I’m Catholic. The pope says I have to go in bareback.

            1. A! Is-a de-Pope-a!

              [Brownie points for whoever recognizes the source of that genius but inexpicably neglected quote.]

              1. Zeppo?

              2. I know Craig Ferguson’s Pope Shoes bit… Does that count?

                1. I ame te Pope, and my name, ise Pepo!

    2. “””could have shrunk from homo erectus in as fast as 300,000 years.”””

      Hey buddy, I had just got out of the shower and it was cold in the bathroom so yeah it shrunk a bit but no need to make headline news out of it!

      1. STEVE SMITH ENGORGED FROM HOMO ERECTUS, NOT SHRINK!

      2. When approached for comment about its small size, Flores Man responded in exasperation, “I WAS IN THE POOL!”

    3. Hello.

    4. Usually the shrinkage doesn’t take that long.

    5. This is why the paleo diet is bullshit. Homos evolve very fast. The problem is our sedentary lifestyle, not bread and milk.

      1. But I like eating a mostly meat diet. Can’t I just keep eating whatever I feel like as long as I’m not an insufferable cunt about it?

        1. Of course. The insufferable cunt gene, though, is of ancient origin, going all the way back to our prokaryote ancestry. Bacteria are, after all, the first insufferable cunts.

          1. The cunt,
            Eve’s sleeve.

        2. IINM, the paleo diet is mostly vegetables.

          1. If ancient humans had access to the American bacon cheeseburger diet I’m sure they wouldn’t care so much for the veggies.

            1. But they would eat the shit out of the bun. All hunter-gathere groups switch to farming a starch source I’m one generation after introduction.

      2. “Homos evolve very fast.”

        Take your proggy “we’re the most advanced species” superiority somewhere else, bub.

        1. I pitch you a slowball down the middle of the plate, and you bunt.

      3. 300,000 years is still a good bit longer than Homo sapiens sapiens has been out of Africa.

        1. Good point. I am not seeing that as ‘evolving rapidly’.

      4. “Homos evolve very fast.” How is that possible? I mean, don’t most homos not reproduce?

  2. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.

    That’s a whoopsie.

    1. You know who else was a whoopsie?

      1. Winston?

      2. Most children

      3. Are we not gonna talk about Richard Simmons.

        1. Wow, talk about your whoopsies……

          1. Sad…..transition straight to menopause.

    2. It’ll be fun to see the FBI go after her but not Hillary.

      1. I think something might be whooshing over everyone’s head. All they have to do is not prosecute her to have an excuse to give Clinton a pass. I am skeptical that they found what they say they found.

        1. That was exactly my thought when I read that. Hillary and Her Dark Minions? will pick up on that little factoid and run with it right to “You can’t charge/prosecute Hillary if you haven’t charged/prosecuted Paula Broadwell!”

          And just like that, Hillary skates into the White House.

          (BTW, when she wins, I’ll be avoiding traveling to the States for the next four/eight years, since it’ll be a country where even the pretense of the Rule of Law is, in fact, dead…)

    3. Damn, he really did “betray us”.

    4. Not for nothing, but Broadwell was a reserve IMA officer at the time with at least a SECRET clearance.

      1. I love the timing of the leak/report here.

        Let’s also point out that the people managing Clinton’s server had no clearance of any kind, and officials in government leak classified shit to media all the time.

      2. IOW, the documents may have come from someone other than Petraeus, but that wouldn’t give cover to Hillary.

        1. That’s an interesting question. If she got close to Petraeus to get hold of the other document(s), is there any likelihood that she also wiled documents out of other sources? I’m certainly not saying that she had other affairs, but she could have merely talked other sources to give her copies on account of her own security clearance or acquired and/or maintained (perhaps inappropriately) documents through other archival sources.

          As a historian/archivist-by-training who has done research work (for conferences and in museums) with declassified material as well as come upon information that (despite lacking security clearances myself) should likely be classified ??either through archival work or particularly when working with primary sources ??I’ve had to make the sort of decisions that people like Clinton, Petaeus, and Broadwell have blantantly blown. So, especially looking at the document trails, these stories give me a headache sometimes.

      3. Clearance is not enough… you have to have need to know. 😉

        1. Isn’t the fault with the person who gave these to her? I mean, if you find them on the street, how can that be a crime?

          1. Possession is absolutely a crime. Interestingly it took a leftist president to start going after the press for this very same thing.

            And they continued fellating him regardless.

            1. “Broadwell, the author of Petraeus’ biography, was never charged. Legal experts say her role as a journalist made any prosecution problematic.”

              So reporters are more equal than us?

          2. I actually have some experience with this (an incident that involved a roommate in the Navy and his habit of taking study materials for the Nuclear Propulsion Engineer’s Exam home on the Bremerton-Seattle ferry).

            If a service member finds classified material or any valuable item belonging to the U.S. government that is unsecured, they are supposed to secure it. Thus, if I were walking along, and I found the top secret document describing U.S. army positions on the day of the armistice in World War I (as of 15 years ago they were still classified), I would be expected to pick them up and carry them in such a way no one else could look at them. If lacked need to know (and I, a lowly junior officer assigned to a carrier in dry dock had no need to know), I would be obliged not to look at them.

            The next step would be to return them to a place of storage appropriate for them. In practicality, that would mean informing my superiors of my find and then following their orders. In all likelihood, I would turn them over to the Confidential Materials Storage officer (the CMS prisoners’ softball team dominates intramural league play at Leavenworth, I am told), who would then route them by secured mail to the appropriate facility.

            In all likelihood I would also be debriefed by Naval Investigative Services as they attempted to ascertain how serious the breach was.

            1. So the short version of what you’re saying is, Hillary did nothing wrong.

              1. Nope.

                The server wasn’t an appropriate repository for classified information. She broke the law so egregiously that I wouldn’t be surprised if the sentencing guidelines and comparisons to other people being jailed for taking classified info home wasn’t life in prison.

            2. Broadwell, acting as Petraus’ biographer definitely had a need to know, based on the general description of the stuff the article discussed.

              As an MI officer she definitely had the clearance.

              There is no discussion as to whether she had authorization for storing material (it is possible, provided she followed precautions to safeguard and got approval); but she definitely should have known what she could and couldn’t store and where she could have it.

              This should be completely about Broadwell and not Petraus.

              1. No. Most of the stuff she had she didn’t have need to know. Additionally a home computer is not an authorized repository for classified material.

                The notion that she couldn’t be prosecuted because she was a journalist is bullshit. I think they didn’t want to broadcast how bufoonish the head of the CIA was about securing classified information.

                1. I’ve seen the effect an accidental release of classified information (putting the wrong two phrases together in an email) can do to a network. People not being able to use their computers for days. Careers hurt permanently. People doing what Hillary and her crew did (put classified emails on an unclassified network) would lose their clearances and their jobs.

                  She put her convenience and privacy over the security of the country. Despite that she has a good chance of being the next president.

                  Laws apparently only matter for the unconnected.

      4. Thanks for pointing that out again. At the time, she was constantly described as MAJ Broadwell (particularly by Petraseus cheerleader Tom Ricks). Now it’s Ms. Broadwell, journalist.

  3. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.

    Well, they weren’t marked ‘classified’ at the time! /Hillbot

    1. This just emboldens her defense.

      1. The Patrearchy got away with it!

  4. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for a closer security relationship with the U.S. in an address to Congress.

    Well, a mangoes-for-nukes is a good deal.

    1. Lassi, come home!

      1. *thousand-yard stare*

      2. DO NOT TALK ABOUT PUTTING LASSIE IN THE BLENDER.

    2. Like we’d let anything happen to our IT and customer care departments.

  5. A nine-foot long alligator was caught in a lake in Florida after an alligator in the lake was seen with a human arm in his mouh.

    Give the arm’s former owner a new pair of boots.

    1. How did they get the arm out of its mouh?

  6. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.

    Is Petraeus going to be subjected to the Hillary treatment?

    1. Is Petraeus the original source of the documents?

    2. He is gonna get his vag dusted?

    3. He resigned, took a plea deal, was fined $100,000, and got two years of probation. Meanwhile, Hillary is allowed to run for President.

  7. Can we take a joke? (Video, Trailer)

    In the age of social media, nearly every day brings a new eruption of outrage. While people have always found something to be offended by, their ability to organize a groundswell of opposition to ? and public censure of ? their offender has never been more powerful. Today we’re all one clumsy joke away from public ruin. Can We Take A Joke? offers a thought-provoking and wry exploration of outrage culture through the lens of stand-up comedy, with notables like Gilbert Gottfried, Penn Jillette, Lisa Lampanelli, and Adam Carolla detailing its stifling impact on comedy and the exchange of ideas. What will the future will be like if we can’t learn how to take a joke?

    Worth it for the joke at the end.

    1. The video was covered by Reason, and I covered the joke at the end.

  8. “Gunmen in Tel Aviv killed at least three and wounded at least six before being apprehended by police.”

    Let me add this to my presidential prediction:

    If there’s a terrorist attack in the US before the general election, even a minor one, Trump will win by a landslide.

    1. Set the odds of that happening.

    2. I wonder which candidate ISIS fears most?

        1. Beat me to it.

        2. ISIS is like Kim Jung Un. They are toddlers starving for attention from America and Europe.

      1. Well, Sterling Archer would probably fear Hillary most. Lana definitely fears Trump most.

        1. Sterling has…issues with women of a certain age.

        2. And Mallory is not a Sanders fan by any means.

        3. Krieger would likely be a Trump supporter.

          Ray and Pam are both fans of the Johnson.

          1. I’m not sure Krieger migrated in a…fully legal manner.

            Cyril would probably be a Jeb fan, given his personality.

            1. WTF ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT?

              1. I’m hoping this is a reference to Mallory.

    3. But “workplace violence” doesn’t count, right? RIGHT?!

    4. Palin’s Buttplug will take that bet…

    5. If there’s a terrorist attack in the US before the general election, even a minor one, Trump will win by a landslide.

      That is not a prediction I’d argue against.

  9. Hillary Clinton is set to make a rare appearance on Fox News.

    Dear G-d, save her from the misogynistic GOP pigs.

    – Prog prayer for Dear Leader #2

    1. You used the wrong deity.

      1. Isn’t she the actual deity here, anyway?

          1. They are gonna start that creepy shit again?

            Goddammit.

  10. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.

    Emails from Hillary?

  11. Police shot and injured at least nine people during student protests against corruption in Papua New Guinea.

    I’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO PROTEST ABOUT.

    1. As opposed to FIFA, who are leading protests in favor of corruption….

      1. FIFA: FEDERATION OF INCORRIGIBLE FUCKING ASSHOLES.

  12. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell…

    He should have used protection.

  13. “…. revealed their mishandling of classified documents”

    What, like they dropped them on the floor?

    1. Spilled mustard on the documents at lunch? Dropped a few pages in the bowl during some late night toilet reading???

      HOW WERE THEY MISHANDLED???

    2. What, like they dropped them on the floor?

      [stands and applauds with tears in eyes]

      1. *** wipes Tonio’s tears, like with a cloth or something ***

        1. Well-played, Rich.

  14. Albino People Are Being Killed for Their Body Parts in Malawi

    People with albinism living in Malawi have been the victims of a surge of attacks by people seeking to use their body parts in ritual practices.

    According to an Amnesty International report released on Tuesday, at least 18 people with albinism have been killed since November 2014. A spike in the killings came this April, when four people, including a 2-year-old child, were killed.

    Amnesty International is now calling on authorities in the Southern African country to take more action to punish the perpetrators.

    1. Who would want an Albino body part?

      1. Winston’s mom?

      2. I’m told Albino penises can cure cancer.

        1. How long you been in remission?

        2. I already said Winston’s mom.

      3. Whitey Bulger?

      4. A black sheep?

    2. Outrage about this from progs?

    3. White privilege?

      1. What ritual incorporates the invisible knapsack, I wonder

      2. White privilege?

        ^This, x18 (approximately)

    4. + District 9

    5. But Cecil was cuter than those damn albinos!

    6. Albino People Are Being Killed for Their Body Parts in Malawi

      But what about the U.S. actions in Vietnam?

  15. What a freaking deplorable state of affairs. Has it always been like this? Having to choose between a turd muffin and a crap sandwich, while their respective supporters sing their praises in a cult-like fan club?

    1. The Giant Douche vs Shit Sandwich elections have been with us for a long time. The cult of personality being displayed by both candidates is new. Last 8 years it was only one candidate.

      1. The R’s saw how much fun the D’s were having with Obama and decided they wanted their own.

        1. On the Donald Trump subreddit (which is a guilty pleasure of mine) he is often referred to as the god-emperor. It’s a joke but like most jokes it contains a shade of truth and I’m sure some of the posters there have bought into it. Hillary’s camp is way behind in the dank memes department.

          1. Reminds me of when Milo Yiannopolous (sp? fuck it) was carried to one of his lectures on a throne borne aloft by several people wearing “Make America Great Again” hats, to the tune of “America, Fuck Yeah.” I laughed about that one for a bit, before it dawned on me that, y’know, they might not be completely joking.

            But yeah, at least the Trump supporters have a sense of humor. Dank memes can’t melt presidential dreams!

    2. Has it always been like this?

      Absolutely yes. Once they are dead and gone, all that is left is the cult-like praise of their fans, which then starts to make them look not reprehensible compared to the living dipshits who keep showing us who they are.

  16. “Broadwell, the author of Petraeus’ biography, was never charged. Legal experts say her role as a journalist made any prosecution problematic.”

    Whaaaa? That’s never stopped them before…

    1. Legal experts say her role as a journalist made any prosecution problematic.

      Bullshit. Maybe her role as a legal expert.

  17. An EgyptAir flight from Cairo to Beijing had to land in Uzbekistan after a receiving a threat the airline said turned out to be a hoax.

    Uzbekistan might just have found its new tourism scheme.

    1. Bishlamek gorp-gorp.

      1. +1 dog/bread/snake/Friday

    2. I can tell you first hand that they have some outstanding hookers as well. Don’t forget, the AT&T girl is Uzbek by birth.

      1. It’s creepy that you know that.

        1. Know what? That they have top-shelf talent, or that the AT&T girl is Uzbek? Saw a thing about her on TV and it stuck in my head since I’ve been to Uzbekistan and it’s a country you rarely ever hear anything about.

          1. Know what?

            That AT&T has outstanding hookers.

      2. Jewish, too. I’m just finishing up a dissertation-length letter to her in which I propose marriage. We will build a beautiful life together.

        1. Have you seen her gigantic ass though?

          1. So she has an oversized donkey. So what? Find a mare and you can breed mules.

          2. It occurs to me that this may be relevant to my future plans. Please elaborate.

          3. Have you seen her gigantic ass though?

            Feature.

      3. Finally, some *useful* travel advice.

        1. I forget where I stumbled across this (might’ve been here).

          But here is some very useful travel advice.

  18. “An EgyptAir flight from Cairo to Beijing had to land in Uzbekistan after a receiving a threat the airline said turned out to be a hoax.”

    I think I’m gonna stick with TunisiaAir.

    1. You sugarfreed the ever-loving crap out of that.

  19. “The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.”

    I’d LOVE if the result of this was “Yay now we can arrest MORE of the political class!!” but unfortunately instead this is going to result in “See!? It’s totally okay when Hillary does it!!”

    1. It’s an odd leak by Hillary supporters because…Patraeus was charged and convicted.

  20. “The International Tennis Federation banned Maria Sharapova for two years for testing positive for a banned drug.”

    Bad for her, good for me. I’ll be seeing her around town a lot in the next 2 years.

    1. I thought she lived in the Miami area.

      At least we won’t have to hear her goddamn shrieking on the tennis court for the next two years.

        1. Listen with your pants off?

      1. I see her training on the Sand Dune here all the time:
        http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix…..06×721.jpg

        If you’re an athlete, it’s good to own some property in Florida too. Homestead clause.

          1. There’s only one left. It’s a hot real estate market.

            It’s a big one, though. If you can get to the top in less than 2 minutes without throwing up, I’ll give you a reacharound.

  21. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.

    [Insert tu quoque here], so leave the Crown Princess of the United States alone.

  22. Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has accused Google of making a deal with Hillary Clinton.
    “Google is directly engaged with Hillary Clinton’s campaign,” Assange said via video link at the international media forum “New Era of Journalism: Farewell to Mainstream” hosted by Rossiya Segodnya International Information Agency.

    A video link up with Julian Assange, journalist, founder and editor-in-chief of WikiLeaks, at the session, End of the Monopoly: The Open Information Age, held as part of the New Era of Journalism: Farewell to Mainstream international media forum at the Rossiya Segodnya International Multimedia Press Center

    Moreover, the Internet giant Google is heavily integrated with the US establishment and is allying with the US exceptionalism campaign, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange said Tuesday.
    “Google is heavily integrated with Washington power, at personal level and at business level? Google which has increasing control over the distribution channels? is intensely allying itself US exceptionalism,” Assange added….

    1. I know a broken clock is right twice a day, but you’re linking to the Soviet propaganda arm….

      1. Google’s cozy ties with the Obama admin are well documented. And the actual source would be Assange.

        1. This came from Slashdot via Infowars via Sputniknews. Which of those three would you trust?

          1. Is this a trick question? …

            All of them.

            1. No, just no.

        2. Yeah, it’s pretty well known. For example:

          Payday Loans a Crony Capitalist Target
          When the crackdown is done, the short-term loan market will still exist?but with new players in charge.

          The massive record-keeping and data requirements that Mr. Corday is foisting on the industry will have another effect: It will drive out the small, local players who have dominated the industry in favor of big firms and consolidators who can afford the regulatory overhead. It will also favor companies that can substitute big data for local knowledge like, like . . .

          Well, like LendUp, the Google-backed venture that issued a statement Thursday applauding the CFPB rules. Google’s self-interest has become a recurrent theme in Obama policy making, not surprising considering a study in April that found that 250 Googlers had come or gone from administration employment, and Google lobbyist visits to the Obama White House vastly outnumbered those of any other company.

          1. So much for “don’t be evil”. :/

      2. Is their official news service really called Sputnik? I mean I guess it was the only time they beat America at something, so I guess it makes sense.

        1. What about all of their men beating our women in track and field?

    2. Do you think Google is letting Clinton run her campaign out of their offices?

  23. Police shot and injured at least nine people during student protests against corruption in Papua New Guinea.

    Proving just how wrong those protesters were, right?

  24. New fossil evidence suggests the hobbit-sized species found on the Indonesian island of Flores could have shrunk from homo erectus in as fast as 300,000 years.

    Goddammit, why aren’t there any hobbits in this timestream? I would absolutely fuck a hobbit.

      1. She aint no hobbit, she just likes to smoke on those long pipes…

    1. Did you miss the part where they’re Indonesian? That’s rolling the dice.

      1. condom?! like when’s the next time i’m going to be in Haiti

        -bad idea jeans

    2. Do you think that they would be able to out-bench and out-squat the typical homo erectus?

      1. Levers baby!

      2. Well… the bar has to travel a shorter distance in both of those lifts for halflings, doesn’t it? Shorter bar path = less work. There’s a reason Olympic lifters trend short. The tall ones are genetic freaks with weird proportions, those lucky bastards.

    3. 300,000 yrs? Meh, that’s a pretty flat slope. It took us a few centuries to turn a wolf into a Chihuahua.

      1. And judging by how they act, all the chihuahuas are still pretty pissed about that.

      2. We should count ourselves lucky that slavery was but a blip in human history, or we would have all kinds of service races by now.

        1. Yeah, like Vietnamese chicks with their small hands–they’d make excellent nail salon techs.

          1. Yeah….that was my first thought about Vietnamese girls and their small hands.

  25. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for a closer security relationship with the U.S. in an address to Congress.

    The next strange clicks you hear on your phone call will have an Indian accent.

  26. Couric Accused Of Deceptively Editing “Fed Up” Like She Did “Under the Gun”

    “Ms. Couric had said to me at the beginning of our interview ‘You know, Dr. Allison, if at any point you need to go over an answer, you stumble on your words, just let me know, we’ll stop, and you can go back over it,'” he said.

    Couric responds to Allison’s on camera request by saying “Okay,” but the film shows Dr. Allison sitting silently for another seven seconds before cutting to another interview.

    Allison is not shown again in the film.

    1. At this point, I’m losing patience and sympathy for people who go on shows or deal with documentaries known to pull shit and stunts like this. Your Olivers, Stewarts, Moores, Courics etc.

      You have to be nuts to put yourself in a position to be screwed.

      1. Don’t. These guys mission-killed the documentary, more widely disseminated their ideas than they would have been had they not agreed to appear on the show and also probably raised their profile.

    2. I think we’ll be rid of her soon.

      1. Will she get the Dan Rather treatment?

        1. She should.

          Then she should do porn.

          1. I’m assuming you mean butt stuff?

    3. “I had what I thought was a very cogent answer,” he said. “Of course I gave an answer. I gave an answer to every question she asked me in a 90-minute interview that was a barrage of questions. And out of a 90-minute interview she chose to show the approximately 10 seconds when I paused and said, ‘Let me collect my thoughts.'”

      He said Couric’s request that he use layman’s terms during his answers led to the stumble seen in the film.

      Yeah, that sounds about right.

      “Libertarians have no ideas! What’s YOUR health plan, huh!? All you say is no!!! What ‘reform’ will you offer?!?”
      “Well, first….”
      “SEE!! NOTHING”

  27. It’s only a crime to have hundreds of classified documents if they’re on your personal computer. If they’re on your own poorly secured server sitting in a bathroom somewhere, then it’s all peachy.

  28. Witches gather online to hex Brock Turner

    Some involved in the hexing event hope the tactic will regularly be used against men who rape women

    and against presumptive nominees.

    1. Will they turn him into a newt?

    2. “My witchcraft is strong. Our witchcraft is powerful. The spell will work. So Mote it be.”

      The fuck?? The last part of their chant just sounds like they’re trying to convince themselves it will work.

      1. Shit was so mote, man,

      2. Was not that last part one of Heinlein’s catchphrases?

    3. The Brock Turner shit has been on Facebook for about a week. Some larger left leaning news outlets are just now starting to cover it and piggyback on the outrage. Way to lead from behind, cowards.

      1. The father’s letter is why they care, that way they can scream “outrage!”

        1. Eh…..it WAS an awfully light sentence, and the kid does a lot more blaming alcohol (which, yes, surely played its part) than saying “In retrospect, fucking an unconscious woman wasn’t the right thing to do”. The outrageous outrage is, as always, a pose, but I think a reasonable person can be fairly expected to react negatively too.

          1. I think the sentence was obscene. The outrage machine kicked into another gear because of the father’s letter.

          2. The victim stated (to the court) she did not want to see him jailed.That makes the sentence seem kind of harsh.

            1. No, she said she didn’t want him to rot in jail, but that he deserves some prison time.

        2. Yeah, it was the light sentence. People are comparing it to other cases and claiming racism.

          What they don’t seem to understand is that he wasn’t actually convicted of rape. He got caught too soon for that, and his dick wasn’t even out yet. Would he have gone on to rape? Yes. But he didn’t.

          1. I agree with you. That case is a perfect storm of outrage, but some of it is justified.

      2. Way to lead from behind

        Go on…

        1. The scenery only changes for the lead dog. And if the lead dog has a nice ass, even better.

  29. State Department: It Is Not “Unreasonable” to Say It Would Take 75 Years for FOIA Request

    The State Department said in a court filing that it would take about 75 years for it to release all the emails to three of Clinton’s former aides: Cheryl Mills, Jacob Sullivan and Patrick Kennedy. The RNC is seeking those emails in a FOIA request.

    According to CNN, the State Department said getting all the emails together from each official would take at least 16 years each, and in some cases, 33 years. State’s filing indicated that it would only be able to find the emails sequentially, not concurrently, because of the backlog of FOIA requests.

    1. Bullshit.

    2. the State Department said getting all the emails together from each official would take at least 16 years each, and in some cases, 33 years.

      If State can make such precise estimates, it already has the emails together.

    3. Most transparent eva!

    4. I think the State Department should have to devote as many bureaucrats they have employed to the task until its complete. Gives them less time to fuck up other things.

    5. My favorite so far:

      “State Dept. Promises to Release Clinton Emails on Day That Literally Doesn’t Exist”

      They promised to release documents on November 31.

      http://lawnewz.com/columnists/…..snt-exist/

    6. +1 Not in your lifetime!

  30. Any time you read an article written by journalists about something in a scientific field, by the time you get to the end, you can find something disproving the headline.

    But Prof Chris Stringer of the Natural History Museum in London believes that the evidence for the rapid shrinking theory is circumstantial: “We do not know how large the tool-makers at one million years actually were, since we do not have their fossils yet; and, secondly, we cannot be sure that the evidence at one million years actually represents the first arrival of humans on Flores.”
    He added: “It is just as likely that the ancestors of (The Hobbit) came from somewhere like Sulawesi, to the North, and we have no evidence so far of who might have been there more than a million years ago.”
    The researchers acknowledge that their argument is based on scant data: one fragment of a jawbone and a handful of teeth. But Dr Adam Brum of Griffiths University in Australia says the team hopes to gather more fossils to build up a more complete picture.

    1. Didn’t the Mossad already get to the bees first and train them to attack Arabs?

  31. Suit Insists Private Mental Health Counselors are a “Public Accommodation”

    From what i can tell (i’ve heard the case mentioned previously, but its not detailed here) these are not ‘patients’ who were denied service filing suit- but rather people simply challenging the idea that anyone (specifically, mental health counselors) can choose whom they do business with

    1. Based on philosophical differences, BuzzFeed chose not to do business with Trump. When will he sue them?

    2. Because a devout Atheist is going to be the best counselor for a devout Christian or Muslim, and would have to accommodate them?

    1. If you can’t signal to everyone looking at you while you drive around that you’re a gold medalist, I mean, what’s even then the point of having the damn thing?!

    2. What a dumbass. Not like larceny is a thing in Atlanta. One night last fall hundreds of cars got hit in various gated garages.

      1. Memphis Rains and his lovable gang are all over the place.

    3. There was a VERY similar story several years ago.

    1. Wrong. I would only schtupp the one who lived. I don’t fancy losers.

      1. I would only schtupp the one who lived. I don’t fancy losers.

        Very Trumpian of you.

    2. Ommmmmmmm

    3. Namaste bitches!

    4. Should have titled it “Downward Dog Becomes Downward Bitch.”

    5. Iowahawk twittered a link to this story with a quip about life imitating TV detective shows; turns out it was literally the beginning of a Magnum PI episode guest starring Sharon Stone

      1. Holy shit.

        HAWAIIAN MOUNTAIN GOD DEMAND TWIN-BLONDES

    6. There’s a pretty easy way to figure out who should get the steering wheel. Call me traditional, but in my car, it’s the person in the drivers’ seat.

  32. The International Tennis Federation banned Maria Sharapova for two years for testing positive for a banned drug.

    Serena on the other hand is completely 100% clean (eyeballs rolling up to the ceiling).

    1. I want to believe Serena’s clean, but there’s always that suspicion she’s more doped up than a 1980s East German olympian.

      1. She’s more masculine than a lot of the “men” who regularly post here.

        1. She’s more masculine than a lot of the “men” who regularly post here.

          I’m as sensitive as my nipples.

      2. I just assume any/all professional tier athletes are on something that could be considered a performance enhancing drug. Don’t you sort of…have to be to compete at that level?

        1. If they’re not now then they were at some point. Everyone but hockey players, Canadians are far too polite to cheat.

          1. Have you seen the Oilers play?

            1. The Oilers haven’t practiced anything resembling ice hockey in a decade.

        2. Isn’t Serena a Jehova’s Witness? I am pretty sure they are opposed to that kind of stuff. Of course, so was Prince, and we know how he ended up.

      3. No one gets better after they are 30, at least not at that level. The fact that none of the media will touch that is disgraceful.

        1. In combat sports, the prime age seems to be 30-35. That’s when most athletes peak.

          1. That is not tennis. Tennis is a fast muscle reaction sport. The thing that goes in a tennis player is their legs. Even a really old guy like John McEnroe could today play at a world class level if he didn’t have to move. The problem is when you lose even a fraction of a step, you can no longer set up for the shot and wind up reaching and when that happens your entire game goes to hell. Serina miraculously got faster after 30.

    2. Ditto Nadal (Operaci?n Puerto)

    3. When anybody tries to test her, she threatens to shove a fucking ball down their fucking throat.

  33. New fossil evidence suggests the hobbit-sized species found on the Indonesian island of Flores could have shrunk from homo erectus in as fast as 300,000 years.

    I would think it could happen in as little as 10k years. If it’s just a change in size.

  34. German Police Hold Two Men on Suspicion of Starting Shelter Fire.

    Police say D?sseldorf fire might be related to a dispute over the observation of Ramadan
    Two residents at a refugee shelter in D?sseldorf are being held on suspicion of starting a fire that left the building in ruins this week, a city prosecutor said Wednesday.

    1. Holding them??? Well, I guess everyone needs a little comfort and reassurance sometimes.

  35. Mysterious ‘music’ is heard from inside a star

    “Never mind. It was our drive crashing.”

  36. “An EgyptAir flight from Cairo to Beijing had to land in Uzbekistan after a receiving a threat the airline said turned out to be a hoax.”

    And the entire village ran out to the plane, excited that somebody was actually flying to the country, only to be disappointed.

    Uzbekistan has the happiest people on earth according to several surveys and methodologies, btw.

    1. bootleg vodka will do that….as long as it doesn’t make you blind.

    2. I offer the Uzbekistan Tourist Council the following slogan, free of charge:

      Uzbekistan?
      You bet I can!

    1. It is not about how popular you are. It is about how popular you are with the people who show up to vote.

    2. Saw the words “contraction” and Hillary in the same sentence and thought that maybe Chelsea had an unborn twin on the way (would be one possible explanation for Hillary’s coughing fits)

    1. “Remove” as in “throw a brick through”?

      1. RECONCILIATION IS OVER!!! NOW IS THE TIME FOR END-ZONE DANCE ON GRAVES

        1. Can we restart the war?

          1. You’re acting like it ever ended.

            1. The last 150 years are “Reconstruction”

  37. Swiss, I saw the thread where you announced your birthday after it died. Happy Birthday! I hope the rum flows endlessly and your Swiss masters reward you with fondue and chocolate.

    1. His birthday died? My condolences. :-p

      1. *Narrows gaze in respect*

        1. Funny. He specifically requested a narrowed glaze on the cake too.

      2. The thread! The thread!

        Well, I guess birthday celebrations die too.

    2. All the good threads die young. Abortion and trannacolypse live forever.

      1. Abortion and trannacolypse live forever.

        I skip those threads. Hmm….

    3. Excellent. Now all I need is his social security number.

      1. He’s old man. How old? His social security number is “2”.

  38. ALL RICH WHITE PEOPLE ARE BROCK TURNER

    Lash Yourselves in Public Until You Too “Get It”

    1. Good G-d, you want Trump? This is how you get Trump. For fuck sakes people.

    2. And every spoiled kid turns into a pervert who assaults passed out women. Why hold Brock Turner responsible when you can slander an entire community?

      1. They forgot to teach those kids not to rape!

    3. Actually that article isn’t half as bad as some of the other dreck on the subject.

      1. I agree. Which is what’s so horrifying. Yesterday i had no idea this story existed. Since then there have been 10,000 articles about it.

        Its like The New Gorilla.

        (*band name)

        Every week we need one. We all need a gorilla to freak out about and shriek our outrage and demand scalps.

        1. There will be. And it will be dumber than this one.

          1. That should be a weekly feature, let us try to predict the next OUTRAGEGASM. Winner gets a reason coffee mug.

            1. It will be Trump’s comments re Chelsea not being Bill’s child.

    4. “Kate Geiselman is a writer and professor of English at Sinclair Community College in Dayton, Ohio.”

      Hooooo-boy…..nothing beats the hot takes of a fucking community college professor. She seriously wrote the sentence “That’s unchecked privilege”

    5. I hate to be that guy, but nobody told him “no” that night either.

      1. Have you seen anything listing the details of the actual crime?

        From what i could tell, he never got his dick out. “intent to rape” isn’t (contra Robby’s headling) a “rapist”

        1. “headline”

        2. I don’t know what the statutory definition of “rape” is in California, ie whether it requires your junk or penetration of any kind. Apparently there was a foreign object involved as well. So Mexican junk.

        3. He definitely would have raped her, but he didn’t get a chance because he was caught.

          I’m sure that the victim is very relieved by this fact, but I’m not so sure about her “supporters”.

          1. Which “supporters” the idiots collectivizing all white guys or the pathetic, self flagellating white guys?

            1. “self flagellating white guys”

              Euphemisms are apropos in discussions about rapists where no rape occurred.

        4. I assume that is the reason he was convicted of sexual assault and not rape.

    6. Kate Geiselman is a writer and professor of English at Sinclair Community College

  39. I hope none of you have eaten yet, because these are tweets about Hillary locking up the Dem nomination:

    “Tear streaming down my face, on behalf of all those women who came before, and on behalf of all who will come behind.”

    “Very emotional about @HillaryClinton securing nomination – historic moment for American Women.”

    “Just kissed my sleeping daughters and told them, ‘We did it.’ #ImWithHer”

    1. By “we did it”, I have to assume she means avoiding an indictment?

    2. “You know these things that happen in your life that just stick? She walked by and she shook my hand and our eyes connected and I just remember having this moment where I thought; “Wow, this is amazing,”‘ said Abedin.

      ‘And it just inspired me. You know, I still remember the look on her face. And it’s funny, and she would probably be so annoyed that I say this, but I remember thinking; “Oh my God, she’s so beautiful and she’s so little!”

      1. Please don’t bait SugarFree.

      2. Every time you post this, and every time I read it, I die a little on the inside.

        It’s a good thing. Emotional numbness and scarring will protect me against the coming pain in November when that shrieking harridan inevitably gets elected.

    3. all who will come behind

      Phrasing! I mean, go on…with that phrasing.

  40. I hope none of you have eaten yet, because these are tweets about Hillary locking up the Dem nomination:

    “Tear streaming down my face, on behalf of all those women who came before, and on behalf of all who will come behind.”

    “Very emotional about @HillaryClinton securing nomination – historic moment for American Women.”

    “Just kissed my sleeping daughters and told them, ‘We did it.’ #ImWithHer”

    1. There are very few people who actually like Hillary. But man are the ones who do real closet cases.

      1. I don’t think they’re in the closet.

        1. True. Needed a better word there.

          1. “out to lunch”?

            1. Well that’s a disgusting visual I did not need.

              1. They’re munching down on Pizza Hut and General Tso’s Chicken.

                1. If there was a place in this town that did a “Chinese Pizza,” and put General Tso’s on a pizza… I would be the first customer

                  1. You should have hung out in my dorm room circa 2003.

                    1. You’d have all been in yuuuuge trouble–I was only a high school freshman in 2003.

                    2. Can you keep a secret? Freshmen can keep secrets, right?

                    3. Jesus I feel old. And jealous.

          2. Basket cases?

            1. There you go.

              1. Notice how Riven is utterly unconcerned about the rampant ableism you guys are engaging in?

    2. Again Iowahawk hits it outta the park:

      Hopefully Hillary will inspire a new generation of girls to marry ambitious perverts who will pay off their embarrassment with Senator seats

    3. Those are sexist statements. In fact, every time you hear a woman say she supports Hildog you should tell her that she’s a sexist.

    4. Holy Jesus, did CNN actually edit the video to make Hillary ‘glow’ on stage?

    5. Woodhull was also an advocate of free love, by which she meant the freedom to marry, divorce, and bear children without government interference.[1]

      Whoops. Now we fight for the freedom to marry, divorce and bear children WITH government interference.

      1. Don’t forget the part where she joined the First International.

  41. Iowahawk last night sad the dark night of fascism is forever falling on Trump and landing on Bernie.

    http://thehill.com/blogs/ballo…..om-sanders

  42. Gary Johnson makes a pitch to Bernie Sanders voters.

    Unless it involves free college…

    1. Free college, pot and unisex bathrooms for all!!

    2. Gary needs to sell bobble-heads and deodorant with his face on it and tell everyone that is the only brand we need.

      1. ^^^Promote the man!

  43. Want.

    Anyone played this yet? I’m debating getting it for my man as an early birthday present. I expect it to be as good as the Wild Hunt (but shorter, obviously), but I’d like some anecdotal experiences from folks I “know.”

    1. I’m about halfway through it. Pretty good, but I have gripes about the way Projekt Red (or, whatever) scales all the non-primary missions vs. how you level up.

      That said, I have never seen such beautiful landscape in a video game. Truly awesome.

      1. I believe it. The Wild Hunt was jaw-droppingly gorgeous when I watched him play it on his PC. I’m also not a huge fan of scaled side missions, but if that’s the only flaw you’ve found…

        1. Well, I would bottom-line (!) it like this: If he liked the main game, I think he’ll like B&W as much, if not more. It has been very good so far, and is actually a stable game, unlike FO4. Since I’m going back and forth between the 2 (on two different consoles, btw), this is a very salient point in my experience.

          More (newer) gwent cards, a pretty expansive map to play, plenty to run around and discover, beautiful European countryside (with a hint of Mediterranean), etc.

      2. I’ve got 1 and 2 on Steam for dirt cheap like a year ago and couldn’t get past the tutorial stage. The play controls make me want to punch the designers square in the face. Did they rectify that for #3?

        1. Yes. Combat controls on PC are much, much better in 3 if you are using mouse/kbd combo. Magic is also a bit more useful at the start, without being overpowering like it ended (at least for me) in 1. I will admit I only played second difficulty, after horrible experience in Witcher 2, where after three tries on tutuorial, I said “Newp, going Super-Easy mode” and never regretted it.
          Plus, Witcher 3 is 50% off at Gog.com right now (same company as the developer) so risk is low.

    2. My friend is currently playing it. I thought he ran out of superlatives on base game, but nope, he’s finding new ones.

      I loved Heart of Stone to pieces, and Blood And Wine is apparently even better. Main reason I haven’t played it yet is that Overwatch is consuming what vidyas time I have these days.

      1. Overwatch is intriguing to me, but I prefer my FPS non-fantastical in flavor.

        Haven’t seen/played any of Heart of Stone at all. Maybe I’ll get him both expansions.

        1. HoS is amazing. The main story is CD Projekt Red just showing off.

          “Hey, you liked our story? How would you like a $10 expansion that features you in three movies – romantic comedy, heist flick, psychological horror. And that’s like, 20% of the content.”

          Almost every new character you meet is interesting, Shani is back for those who played first Witcher, combat difficulty got upped a bit (be warned) and, while very low-key (no end-of-world or even prevent-mass-killing plot), the main story is an interesting take on a classic I’ll leave nameless, so as to not spoil it.

          Get both for sure. If you are on PC, good news is that the performance also got a boost (not sure if same applies to consoles).

          1. Yassss… Ok. That settles it. Unless he buys them for himself* before then, it’s settled.

            *50/50. Last year he bought himself a PS4 when Arkham Knight came out, which I’d also been considering getting for him. So. We’ll see.

    3. I’m not quite as far along as Trouser-Pod, but so far so good.

      Relative to Hearts of Stone, this premise is less unique but a little closer ties to the main story – and honestly I really like its focus on Geralt’s actual monster-slaying day job rather than having him do Game of Thrones (2) or Lord of the Rings (3) stuff.

      Really beautiful world.

  44. The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.

    So Hillary’s right, everyone else DOES do it.

    1. I presume the left will have no qualms calling for Broadwell’s scalp and demanding swift and merciless retribution.

      Because they have no problems with hypocricy; they just want to “get someone back” for daring to fuck with their Protected Classes.

  45. “The FBI reportedly found hundreds of classified documents on the personal computer of Paula Broadwell, a journalist with whom David Petraeus had an affair when he was the director of the CIA.”

    Uh huh. Everyone wants to be king-maker.

  46. Speaker Paul Ryan met behind closed doors to stress his endorsement of Donald Trump to House Republicans and ask them to back him as well.

    “Oh, come on, guys! I don’t wanna do this alone!”

    Hillary Clinton is set to make a rare appearance on Fox News.

    I am sure that “tears will not be rolling of their eyes.”

    Gary Johnson makes a pitch to Bernie Sanders voters.

    “I don’t offer free stuff, but I do offer freedom!”
    “So long!”

    A nine-foot long alligator was caught in a lake in Florida after an alligator in the lake was seen with a human arm in his mou[t]h.

    The alligator was held for 24 hours for questioning but then released. No charges will be filled, and the other alligator is still at large.

    New fossil evidence suggests the hobbit-sized species found on the Indonesian island of Flores could have shrunk from homo erectus in as fast as 300,000 years.

    “That is what happens when it is cold outside! It shrinks!”

  47. What happens when Madigan isn’t paid off

    Illinois politics is the best politics.

  48. “As fast as 300,000 years”

    Fast.

    300,000 years is roughly 15,000 generations.

    That’s a really screwed up definition of ‘fast’–even in evolutionary terms

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.