Zero Tolerance

School Suspends 5-Year-Old Girl for Bringing Bubble Gun to School

Harmless toy was "Frozen" themed.

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Bubbles
Dreamstime

"Potential safety concern." That's the reason school officials cited for giving a 5-year-old girl a one-day suspension after she brought a bubble gun to school. 

The brightly-colored non-weapon is Frozen themed, and has pictures of Princesses Elsa and Anna on it. 

The Brighton, Colorado, kindergartner put the bubble-shooter in her backpack, where it escaped the notice of mom. When school authorities discovered it, they suspended her for one day. 

Needless to say, the girl's mother doesn't think the punishment fits the crime. The school had this to say, according to myfox8.com: 

"The bringing of weapons, real or facsimile, to our schools by students can not only create a potential safety concern but also cause a distraction for our students in the learning process. Our schools, particularly Southeast because of past instances with students bringing fake weapons to school, make a point of asking parents to be partners in making sure students are not bringing these items to school. This includes asking parents to check backpacks." 

But toys—especially obvious toys like this one—are not safety concerns. No one could possibly mistake the girl's bubble gun for a real weapon. Cant the school just, ahem, Let It Go

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  1. Where are May 18th’s PM links, Robby?

    1. *17th’s. But you’ll probably screw them up tonight, as well.

      1. Can’t the commentariat just, ahem, Let It Go?

        1. Fuck. I wanted to make a let it go joke.
          /sulks

        2. Never, we will never forget the post about nothing, never!

      2. Not until I have my links.

    2. Anna Merlan and her degree from Columbia would never forget the PM links.

      1. I’m tired of Robby. As far as I can tell, he’s an abject failure in every facet of his existence outside the UVA rape hoax and his beautiful hair, and he owes the former accomplishment to the commentariat.

        1. The commentariat already has our curmudgeon-in-residence.

        2. I’m going to let you in on a little secret:
          I’m his hairdresser.

    3. What makes you think it was Soave’s turn? Gillespie is the editor in chief of Reason.com. Go bust his chops.

      1. I call Gillespie a cunt at least four times a week. i do my part.

  2. Cant the school just, ahem, Let It Go?

    A more fitting version. (Wait for the chorus.)

    1. Would.

  3. The Brighton, Colorado, kindergartner

    A five-year-old brought her favorite toy to school? Where does she get the nerve? Oh, I know – her parents. Poor parenting is killing this country, and it seems to start earlier and earlier.

    Cant the school just, ahem, Let It Go?

    Do you know what else people can’t seem to let go, Robby? Hmm? Any guesses?

    1. The fantasy of running our decrepit Morlock fingers through his wavy blonde hair?

    2. Spelling errors?

    3. I’m going with . . . euphemisms.

  4. There could have been anthrax mixed in with the soap solution!

  5. The brightly-colored non-weapon is Frozen themed, and has pictures of Princesses Elsa and Anna on it.

    Hey. I remember how much damage Elsa could do. Carrying this gun clearly could be a threat to do the same.

    You can’t be too careful.

    1. Unstated but probably true: a young girl with a princess toy is reinforcing gender stereotypes and must therefore be punished.

      1. I doubt she would have fared any better with a boy-themed toy gun.

        1. Her mother could have dropped a hard T and the whole thing would have been scuttled.

      2. No, I think guns still trump everything. And I’m pretty sure every other girl in the class was also reinforcing gender stereotypes with their clothing or toys.

  6. Did you see the havoc Elsa wrought with just some cold water? I say, expel her.

    1. The cold never bothered me anyway.

  7. 5 years old.

    Also, ” cause a distraction for our students in the learning process”.

    Sounds like the process is working just fine. That’ll learn ya!

  8. Man, Brighton is just pure win recently. First those twitter false alarms, now this! (My recollection of Brighton is more or less Brighton = everywhere in Kansas = everywhere in Nebraska)

    1. As Brighton goes, so goes the rest of flyover country?

      1. *cocks eyebrow*

        Given the proximity to DIA? HmmmmMMMM???

    2. Brighton is parts of Kansas and parts of a rustbelt industrial city.

  9. It’s not a facsimile of a weapon. Just because it has “gun” in it’s name doesn’t make it a weapon or simulated weapon. Lots of things that aren’t weapons have “gun” in their names. A bubble gun isn’t a fake weapon. It’s a gun that emits bubbles, for fuck’s sake.

    1. It’s basically a fan and a pump housed in cheap plastic.

      1. In other words an autoloading pneumatic weapon impervious to metal detectors?

    2. But no one brings an, ahem, caulking gun to school. At least not into the restrooms of their choice…

  10. What you government-hating nihilists fail to mention is that the gun could shoot a freeze ray, encasing its victim in a block of ice. Which leads to all sorts of arguments on the playground about “I froze you” and “no, you missed!”

  11. My daughter has one of those. Junk. Lasted for a couple days before the trigger wore out.

    1. The manufacturer should have included a warning. About the trigger. A trigger warning.

  12. Hopefully she learned a very important lesson.

    1. Adults are insane?

  13. Why would the school let it go? Their job is to fuck kids up.

    1. ‘Fuck Kids Up’ is on the b-side of ‘Let It Go’.

      /showing my age by making a record reference

    1. Question – if you could go back in time and get rid of baby Robby and prevent late and missing PM link threads, would you do it?

    2. Something tells me Gillespie is physically incapable of reaching decibels above mildly peeved librarian, let alone that range of emotion.

      1. I’ve always found his voice rather disappointing.

    3. Someone said that needs to be in the PM links today. I agree. It’s great.

      1. Who said there’s going to be PM links today, or ever again?

        1. What would be the point of even coming to this site at 4:30 then?

      2. EVERYONE needs to post it in the pm links.

    4. Failing to post the Links will be Robby’s downfall.

      1. +1 bunker

  14. Needless to say, the girl’s mother doesn’t think the punishment fits the crime.

    Oh, I’m such a fool, I can’t be free
    No escape from the school outside of me
    I can’t control the curse
    Oh, Mother, please, you’ll only make it worse!

  15. It’s not about plastic things that look like guns. It’s about conditioning people to accept totalitarianism. Things are going as planned.

    1. It’s working beautifully. Most educated twenty-somethings I talk to are frightening in their passivity.

  16. “What, are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.!”

    1. “It could! It could break the skin. It could put a lodge under the skin and cause a bad infection”.

  17. they didn’t call the cops? must be staffed by semi-morons.

    1. If preventing even one tragedy by plastic firearm means putting a child in handcuffs, then may we have the confidence of our consciences to put a thousand children in handcuffs!

    2. Thank god for that. He might have spotted the gun, made a split-second assessment of the danger, and feared for his life.

      If you didn’t think toy guns could contribute to the gun violence epidemic, you’d be wrong.

      1. Of course, procedure requires that he shoot any pets in the room first.

  18. “No one could possibly mistake the girl’s bubble gun for a real weapon.”

    Several years ago Denver police mistook a Pepsi can for a gun. The results were suboptimal. Read on for a nutpunch from the past…

    http://articles.latimes.com/20…..a-denver11

    1. When they found the front door locked, Officer Ranjan Ford Jr. climbed a ladder and entered the brick row house through a second-floor window. Once inside, he found Lobato, 63, who was not the suspect, lying in bed, watching television. Investigators said Ford mistook the can Lobato was holding for a gun; Lobato was killed by a shot to the chest.

      Ow! My balls.

  19. Jeez, they never said it was dangerous, they merely said it could be a potential safety concern. *Could be* a *potential* safety *concern*. Not that it was a concern, or that it even had the potential to be a concern, merely that it *might* have the potential. And how can you argue with that? They’re not saying they think the toy looked real or even that they think somebody else might think the toy looked real, they’re saying that they were worried somebody might worry that somebody else might think that the toy looked real.

    1. Excellent deconstruction of the bureaucratese. There should be a google translator that does this.

    2. “The bringing of weapons, real or facsimile, to our schools by students can not only create a potential safety concern but also cause a distraction for our students in the learning process.”

      It probably took at least three hours of a five-person committee burning tax dollars to come up with that.

      1. Tax dollars are really the best kind for lighting a fine Cuban cigar; preferably by a well-trained orphan!

      2. Nah. They c&peed; it from their handbook.

  20. “The bringing of weapons, real or facsimile . . .

    These people have completely lost the bubble.

    A bubble gun is NOT a ‘facsimile weapon’.

    Just because it has ‘gun’ in the name doesn’t mean it was in any way intended to look or act like a *firearm*.

    1. The people probably think rockets look like penises because the designers were male.

      1. What are ‘aerodynamics’ for $500?

  21. Let’s not be too quick to judge, for all we know this is a typical day at her elementary school.

    I mean, maybe these administrators aren’t a bunch of bigots like the rest of you. Maybe they haven’t been blinded by the the Maverick rebellion narrative and rationally recognize that the Mavericks are a misunderstood minority and deserve to feel safe and accepted.

  22. Morons continue to control the educational industrial complex.

    1. They may well be morons, but stupidity alone is not an adequate explanation. Real life villains are not villains because they want the innocent to suffer, but because they have a monstrous idea of what counts as guilt. In this case, they really do believe that what the little girl did is a genuine malum in se crime deserving of the same level of punishment as, say, rifling through the teacher’s purse and taking any money she finds there.

  23. Note that PTAs and PTOs never rise to the defense of students. They are entirely tools of school administrators and school boards. Useful dupes.

    1. Charters are different.

  24. This has been going on a long time. When my son was in nursery school 20 years ago he brought his Mars Attacks light gun – pull the triggers and makes colored lights and sounds – and he got scolded for bringing a weapon to school. fucking cunts.

  25. Can a five-year-old even comprehend what a “suspension” is? Looks like the punishment was directed at the parents.

    1. Much less understand why the school admins were freaking the fuck out.

  26. “Real or facsimile”. Excuse me, but this was neither, it was a goddamned toy bubble gun. It wasn’t like it was an airsoft gun that looks identical to a real gun. So under these arbitrary rules, would a hot glue gun also result in suspension?

    If the child actually was making a distraction in class, a simple warning should suffice, not a suspension.

    Chalk this up as another classic case of overzealous, nanny-state, zero tolerance. Ridiculous!

    1. Remembering how much I loved school when I was a kid………………I’d bring one of these to class every day.

  27. No, they can’t let it go. Their frothing hatred of guns, of the private possession of weapons, of the idea that ordinary persons have a right to act in self-defense is so great as to be almost beyond comprehension.

    Remember the case where a pop-tart was chewed into the (rough) shape of a gun? They had to back down before the tidal wave of mockery, but these are people who, in their heart of hearts, believe that it’s entirely just and righteous to come down hard on such things.

  28. I’m sure the invitation for this kid to visit the white house will be along any minute.

  29. Assault bubbles?

  30. “Can’t the school just, ahem, Let It Go?”
    Of course not, that would require making a rational decision.

    1. Not seen the movie eh?

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