Sanders Takes West Virginia, Feds Threaten D.C. Metro, ISIS Claims Baghdad Bombing: A.M. Links

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  1. Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton Tuesday in the Democratic primary in West Virginia.

    An early lump of coal in someone’s stocking.

    1. Hello.

      What about East Virginia?

      1. We’ve always been at war with East Virginia

        1. That’s the Delmar Pennensula, right?

          1. That’s Delmarva, as in Delaware-Maryland-Virginia. The Virginia and Maryland parts of that are known as the Eastern Shore areas of those states; the Delaware part is known as Delaware. Eastern Virginia is a term not normally used.

            1. lol @ self.

              Delmar is a town near Albany. I got the two mixed up.

          2. That’s DelmarVA peninsula, fool! Anyway, there’s not a lot there.

            1. Chickens, lots of chickens… and chicken shit

              1. That was my Dad’s assessment after he moved to the area.

                1. It makes you appreciate the Bridge-Tunnel all the more.

                  1. The first time I went through the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel was at night at the end of a drive from New Jersey to Norfolk and pretty well buzzed from drinking beer all the way. It seemed pretty fucking freaky at the time.

                    1. Let’s build a long-ass bridge over part of the ocean! What could go wrong? Well, about once a week some crank-addled truck driver jackknifes his big rig over the guardrail and dies, so that’s neat.

                    2. Technically, it’s the Chesapeake Bay, not the Atlantic proper. But point still taken.

                    3. QUIT MAP-SHAMING ME, TONIO.

                    4. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?!??

                    5. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?!??

                      No, I am not.

              2. Also crabs, rockets, and once a year, wild ponies. But that’s IT.

      2. What about South Vagina?

          1. A joke that still works a decade after the incident.

        1. I’m not a geographer, but I’ll take a look.

          1. You’re a federal boobie inspector?

    2. Or no coal, in Bernie’s case. That dirty dirty fuel is killing the environment.

      1. Hillary never said boo to coal. She loves coal. She wants more coal! All the coal!

        1. That reminds me, I need to order anthracite.

      2. It makes Gaia haz a sad.

    3. 39 percent of Sanders voters said they would vote for Trump over Sanders in the fall

      Conman Trump knows he can’t win on his own and has to resort to cheating. So sad, really. All he has going for him is his cheating and his plan to build a cage around America.

      1. I imagine there were plenty of Hillary supporters who voted Trump in states where she was sure to win. I know a couple of Democrats who did that here in Texas, where there is an open primary.

        Anyway, who’s to say these WV voters were not Democrats? WV is not an open primary state; the parties are free do define eligibility to participate in a given primary election.

  2. Algorithms can have bias, too.

    Let me guess, white men don’t have algorhythm.

    1. It’s an inconvenient truth.

    2. Not even Al Gore.

      /Captain Obvious

    3. But white man have more cargo.

  3. Corey Lewandowski is running Donald Trump’s vice presidential vetting effort.

    The Apprentice-style.

  4. Corey Lewandowski is running Donald Trump’s vice presidential vetting effort.

    Potential running mates hardest hit.

    1. ::slow clap::

    2. But did it rise to the level of actual assault?

    3. If they aren’t worthy he’ll show them the back of his hand.

    4. “1st RULE: You do not talk about VEEP CLUB. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about VEEP CLUB.”

    5. Oh, just pick Omorrosa already. She loves the Donald, is a great insurance policy, and meets intersectionality requirements.

      1. Since she likes Trump, she is therefore not authentically black and is the equivalent of a white racist.

      2. I wouldn’t mind intersecting those curves.

  5. A growing number of colleges are forcing all faculty members to serve as “mandatory reporters,” meaning they must disclose any student who talks of being sexually assaulted to the school’s Title IX coordinator (regardless of what the student wants).

    Universities are agency-free zones.

    1. talks of being sexually assaulted

      Like using the word “rape”?

      1. This is why they don’t talk about the ‘the Rape of Nanking’ anymore (from yesterday’s discussion).

  6. The Department of Transportation may withold funds from the Washington Metro system if it doesn’t get its shit together and prevent exploding balls of fire from trailing merrily after subway cars all the time.

    But, goodness gracious, they’re *great* balls of fire!

    1. [narrows gaze]

      1. Unsanctioned use of the narrowed gaze. *wags finger*

        1. Who sanctions finger wagging?

          1. Dikembe Mutombo?

          2. Sassy urban ladies moving their heads like cobras?

            1. Oh no you did not just use the ‘urban’ euphemism. Awww hell naw.

              1. Mmm-HMM.

        2. Switzy is cool with that, I think. We’ve never formally discussed it, but I act as his gaze narrowing backup when he’s not around.

          1. I guess as long as you don’t use asterisks to narrow your gaze. {narrows gaze}

  7. Budweiser is changing its name to ‘America’ this summer

    Budweiser, now owned by Belgium’s AB Inbev, will rename its beer “America” this summer and alter its labels with images and phrases affiliated with the republic.

    1. I predict utter disaster on the scale of New Coke

      1. Yep. With all due respect, this is ridiculous.

        1. America’s not bad when it’s really cold.

          1. Add a shot of Amaretto and it tastes just like Dr Pepper

          2. Quite refreshing on a hot summer day.

            1. American Budweiser (not to be confused with the real Budweiser from Czechia, which is marketed under the label Czechvar due to the superior legal firepower of Anheuser Busch) is the McDonalds of beer.

              Bud a mediocre American lager, but it is manufactured with amazing consistency. As a homebrewer, I can appreciate the achievements in zymurgical technology that are necessary to attain such consistency in the manufacture a mediocre brew.

          3. I anticipate peoole will shortly be blaming climate change for ruining “America.”

      2. 1. Anheuser-Busch is owned by a Belgian multi-national

        2. It’s fucking Budweiser.

        1. InBev is notoriously frugal. They probably found a way to save two cents on every bottle sold by changing the labeling.

          1. The real Budweiser is Czech and actually good. So maybe that get out of paying some nominal Czech royalties this way.

            1. Czechvar is a genuine pilsner, not an American lager.

              Anheuser Busch won their trademark case in the US, but maybe they didn’t get a worldwide trademark.

        2. InBev is Belgian-Brazilian, isn’t it? They’re gonna have such strange-looking kids.

          1. It’s incorporated in Belgium, but controlled by Brazilian owners.

    2. Eh, the outrage it has caused makes me laugh.

      I’m more concerned with how they changed labels so quickly. Isn’t there a wholetter office for beer logos?

    3. They must be losing their shirt.

      1. But it’s remarkable Budwesier has lasted this long under any name, given that it’s one of the worst beers on earth.

        1. I still have a soft spot in my heart because of all the times the Marines had run my ass ragged for days on end and when I finally escaped and got to the e-club, they’d give you a big wax cup of Bud.

          Sort of pavlovian I guess. But I associate the cessation of shit details with a big glass of Bud so I like it.

          1. The punishment is the reward.

        2. When I was in Ireland for a week with a group of friends, it was kind of shocking in the pubs we visited how many Irish were guzzling Bud.

          1. American (as opposed to Czech) Budweiser is, or at least used to be, the shitty “ironic” beer of choice for Eurotrash hipsters. Same role was filled by Pabst Blue Ribbon in the States until IPAs took over and ruined everybody’s palate.

            1. until IPAs took over and ruined everybody’s palate

              You won’t be satisfied until there’s an abortion/deep dish thread, will you?

              1. I’d settle for circumcision.

                1. Well, whip it out and I’ll get the scissors.

        3. If you live in a brewery city (Columbus) it’s not that bad fresh.

          It’s better than Miller High Life, which is a travesty.

          Also better than Bud Light, Miller Lite, and Coors Lights, all of which are variations on beer-flavored water.

          1. The cost-effective way to drink lite “beer” is to buy a regular beer, and then cut it with soda water.

            That way you only pay tax on one-third of the “beer” you drink.

            1. Time is money, Cato.

              I don’t have time to mix beer with soda water.

          2. Coors Light is water flavored water, sold as beer.

          3. Cold Miller High Life is fucking awesome.

            I’m getting sick of all you fucking beer snobs. Take your 95 IBU Hopzilla IPA and jam it right up your ass.

        4. While Budweiser is nothing to cheer about, it is no where near as bad as Miller (the champagne of Piss) and actually has a little flavor, unlike Coors.

          I mostly keep Bud in the fridge for when I want a tomato beer, but I will not tolerate most Miller products.

    4. Will it still be shitty rice beer?

      1. They actually use grain? I always thought that Bud was made from floor sweepings.

        1. What floor are you sweeping that has enough sugars to ferment?

          1. Grain mills, sugar cane/sugar beet processing plants, etc.

          2. You have to malt the floor sweepings in order to convert the mites and dust particles to fermentable sugars.

          3. You have the malt the floor sweepings to convert them to fermentable sugars.

            1. And then distill the squirrel pulp for a fine squirrel eau-de-vie.

    5. Has Belgium figured out how to make shitty lagers yet, or is that still an American secret?

      1. I dunno. What do you think of Stella? They do make several cheap Pilseners that are less good than that. But I’d still put them all above Bud. Which is better than most cheap American Pils.

        1. I like their “cidre” (though I hate the pompous spelling)

          1. You mis-spelled “French.”

            1. Did I? Did I really?

          2. I like the beer OK. But it’s way too expensive here. In Belgium it’s way cheap.

          3. I was OK with the French “cidre” until I saw the awful TV ad.

    6. 1 in 4 cans are filled with rape.

    7. I suspect this is mostly exaggerated bullshit. Bud may be putting out some sort of limited-time-only special-edition labels like Coke puts various stuff on their cans all the time, but it’s not a permanent across-the-board label change. Didn’t Miller or one of them offer their beer in NFL team logo cans? Probably something similar here.

      1. I don’t get the get coke thing either. I don’t drink it so I only noticed it recently, shrugged, and went on my way.

    8. Every time America goes to war, I predict a drop in sales in countries with anti-American sentiment.

      This is a stupid branding move.

    9. If I was running Inbev, I would have rebranded it “Belgian Waffles on Brazilian Wax”.

      Sales would have shot up.

    10. Great, now I absolutely hate America.

    11. PBR should change it’s name to USA, then.

  8. Can You Not?

    Can You Not PAC was founded on the idea that while there are amazing groups doing great work to recruit and support women, people of color, and LGBTQ folks who are running for office, there was one small thing missing.

    Can You Not PAC is a political action project that aims to dis/empower and dis/incline people in positions of privilege, specifically straight white men, from ambitions of running for office in progressive urban districts. We challenge brogressives and others to reject any notion that they are uniquely qualified or positioned to seek political office in districts that don’t need them. As well-represented white dudes, we feel it is our obligation to know when to shut up and Not.

    The Can You Not PAC was started by white men, for white men, asking white men that one important question: “Bruh, can you not?” We are happy to host interventions for the misguided bros in your life who looked in the mirror this morning and thought “yeah, it’s gotta be me.”

    Maybe you, too, know a handsome upwardly mobile upper-middle class cis dude who is well intentioned and *super progressive.* We’re happy go buy him a locally brewed craft beer and tell him to take a step back instead. We are not the heroes that Gotham needs.

    Self-loathing for the win

    1. I feel the cancer setting in just from reading that. JFC…

      1. There is an epidemic of overly confident, under qualified white dudes crowding out America’s elections. We don’t need more qualified women, people of color, or LGBT folks ? we need white men to stop feeling so entitled to the vast majority of elected position. We’re not prejudiced against incompetent men! We just believe they should know their place.

        There is a tsunami of mediocre white men running for office. Our self-inflating sense of ability and talents has convinced many of us to run in the face of overwhelming empirical evidence that we are in fact not the most qualified. We’re fighting back against the notion that looking like a Ken doll is a qualification for elective office.

        1. It’s gotta be a joke/troll job. It’s just gotta be.

          1. It was started by white men to discourage STRAIGHT white men from office.

          2. It was started by white men to discourage STRAIGHT white men from office.

          3. It was started by white men to discourage STRAIGHT white men from office.

    2. Frankly, i think it’s past time that more people were actively discouraged from seeking public office.

    3. This is a joke based on the last season of South Park, right?

    4. Just tell them you identify as black lesbian welders, that should shut them up.

      1. I AM a lesbian trapped in a mans body, so……

        1. I know one of those. Went from a guy who likes girls to a girl who likes girls

    5. -1 Rep. Steve Cohen of Memphis

      Of course, he’s Jewish, so maybe that gets him out of having to resign?

      1. What’s his stance on Israel? Anything less than ceding it back to the Palestinians and marching en masse into the sea? Then no.

    6. Behold: the face of insanity.

    7. Maybe you, too, know a handsome upwardly mobile upper-middle class cis dude who is well intentioned and *super progressive.*

      All of the *super progressive* people I know smell bad and are not particularly successful, either.

    8. I’m still trying to parse the stupid fucking name.

      1. I just can not even.

  9. Louisiana is the latest to consider an abortion “reversal” bill.

    I’m not going click the link but rather just assume this is creating pregnancies by fiat.

    1. I believe that it’s a bill requiring doctors to inform their patients that abortions are reversible. Medical (medicinal) abortions are supposedly reversible between the time the first pill is administered (generally in the doctors office) and the time the second pill is taken (generally at home).

      1. What could *possibly* go wrong?

        1. Other than the second evil head?

    2. I thought I had a Frankenstein/Gene Wilder joke for this, but I think I lost it.

      1. It’s Fronkenschteen.

  10. A growing number of colleges are forcing all faculty members to serve as “mandatory reporters,”

    That’s so old-fashioned, it should be mandatory bloggers or mandatory snapchatters.

    1. Snitches. Or rats, either way. Stasi also works.

  11. The Department of Transportation may withhold funds from the Washington Metro system if it doesn’t get its shit together…

    There’s no need for that. The drive to put out a better product than the competition is incentive enough.

        1. Are you daring to claim Swtizy didn’t identify as an Italian-American when he did that?

          1. Ahem. Italian-German-French-American.

    1. The problem was lack of funds to begin with!!!!!

      /progtard.

      1. Any government failure is definitive proof of the need for more government.

        1. Why yes, yes it is. I know this because BO explained it to me. Only government can keep lead out of our water.

      2. It says something about how bad the problem must really be for them to NOT just quietly keep throwing money at it like they normally would.

    2. Well, since the competition is ‘walking’, they better get their shit together, because they have a long ways to go.

  12. prevent exploding balls of fire from trailing merrily after subway cars all the time.

    Michael Bay hardest hit.

  13. Last night, I was [redacted] and realized that leap year and the presidential election are aligned.
    We get an extra day of campaigns.

    1. We should make Feb 29th Election day, GENIUS!

      1. And shave off eight months of fun?

  14. Emma Watson named in Panama Papers.

    Hermione was the smart one

    1. She will get a pass for all the good stuff. Principals and whatnot

    2. She will get a pass for all the good stuff. Principals and whatnot

      1. I’d give her a pass, if you know what i mean.

        1. You’d be her prince or pal?

          1. her prince

            Careful with those pills.

      2. Principals or principles? spelling matters /pedant.

    3. I wonder if there are any child stars out there whose parents are hiding large portions of their kids’ earnings from them using these methods?

      1. Use this One Weird Trick to rob your child blind!

  15. Inmate was beaten, starved, treated “like a circus animal” before left to die, family’s lawsuit claims

    “I watched a physically healthy young man grow into a broken old man in a matter of months,” Steven Gray, an inmate in the jail with Mitchell, wrote Mitchell’s family after his death, according to the lawsuit.

    Mitchell was denied food but would eat voraciously when food was provided, another inmate claims in the lawsuit. He was also almost never provided anything to drink, nor a plastic foam cup to drink from, the suit alleges.

    In the afternoon of Aug. 18, a corrections officer requested that Mitchell’s door be opened to check on him. Later that afternoon, another inmate told guards that Mitchell appeared to be dead.

    The guard said Mitchell “was not going to die on my shift, especially when I’m about to get off,” Vaughan claims in the lawsuit.

    Mitchell was pronounced dead the following morning.

    1. Jesus fucking christ. That’s as bad as the one where the guards let a guy languish with a broken neck until he finally died days later.

    2. why was this guy denied bail over a $5 theft in the first place? I didn’t even know they held people for shop lifting.

      1. And 4 months in jail for shop lifting? What’s the max sentence for that? Does that even carry a possible sentence of jail time? This is just fucked.

        1. As I understand it, he got locked in the bureaucratic loop where nobody wanted to be held responsible for any decisions regarding his care. Professionally safer to do nothing and let him rot.

        2. Where’s the “PR police” Facebook post about someone paying the shop the 5 bucks out of pocket, then adopting a bunch of puppies

        3. If it is a violation of probation/parole, jaywalking can carry a jail/prison sentence.

        4. Probably a repeat offender. I’m torn on the jail sentencing for that. Not for boosting something like a pack of gum, but open to a night in jail for anything $100 or more.

          1. He stole $5 worth of snacks. He was psychotic. He probably had no idea he was stealing. I doubt the man had any understanding of what was going on from the time he took the snacks until he died.

    3. Surely it’s safe to wade into the comments for this story, even the most ardent cop defender couldn’t defend this…

      Elish Sefton, Choteau, MT
      If this woman claims he was treated like a circus animal, then he would have been fed and given water because to not give the animal food and water the animal could not perform. Therefore in order for this woman to claim the guy was treated like a circus animal means he WAS provided with food and water. Whether he accepted the food or not is another story.

      ::slices wrists::

      1. Q.E.D. muthafucka!!!

        1. Quantum Electrodynamics?

      2. That’s some grade A logicking there.

    4. “Visit a prison and you will see the worst humanity has to offer. You will also see prisoners.”

      – Samuel Clemens

    5. Don’t hold your breath while the national media completely ignores this story.

    6. “I’m about to get off,”

      GROSS.

    7. “Under the state Freedom of Information Act , release of the report is discretionary.”

      So the state Non-Freedom of Information Act, then.

  16. Mornin’, Rufe…

  17. Algorithms can have bias, too.

    LuxRender, your source for opensource unbiased rendering. It can be biased if you want, though.

    LuxRender, it goes both ways.

    LuxRender, we’re definitely not putting pfw in charge of slogans any time soon.

  18. Whitewater: Twelve Versions of Hillary Clinton Draft Indictment, 451 Pages, Withheld By National Archives

    The findings of an investigation into whether Mrs. Clinton told the truth to federal investigators and withheld evidence under subpoena while she was First Lady is clearly matter of public interest as voters weigh her suitability for the highest office in the land.

    Well, that’s why they’re being withheld, DUH!

    1. ANCHUNT HIZTORY!!11!!!

      1. Yeah, I was kind of excited until the “Whitewater” part sank in.

        1. Yeah, I think the statute of limitations has expired on that.

    2. Oh no you don’t. I fell for this shit in the 90’s, and it turns out Ken Starr had zippo. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop once they proved Clinton was a liar and then….nothing. All they had was a Presidential BJ.

      FWIW, I do think they were involved up to their eyeballs but were able to hide enough evidence/intimidate enough witnesses that Starr ultimately had nothing.

    3. Some years back, Sandy Berger left the National Archives with his pants and socks stuffed with Clinton documents that were never returned.

  19. Of all the misguided, misplaced, idiotic stances that stem from the left the one that really pisses me off is where they argue inheritances should be capped or even eradicated. The thinking goes (if you can call it that) something along the lines of ‘well, why shouldn’t the money be put back into society?’ It completely disregards the whole concept of taking care of one’s own family and community. All these fuckers think and talk about is plundering and pillaging – metaphorically and literally.

    The reason I think this is dangerous (never mind evil) is because the majority of people don’t have wealth to pass on to their children and if you can convince enough people that it’s wrong and *unfair* you can come up with laws and policies to steal from people for the alleged *benefit* of the *greater good*. Of course, proponents of such thinking feel the money should go into a pot administered by bureaucrats. Like that’s going to be well maintained and free from corruption.

    1. …why shouldn’t the money be put back into society?

      The state is the only entity that engages in economic activity.

      1. The rightful heirs spending that money and investing that money doesn’t put it back into the RIGHT society, ignoramus!

    2. Wait, you’re not JATNAS.

      1. Rufus is JATNAS, Nikki is Epi. You still haven’t figured this out, have you?

        1. Yeh, where did those two end up?

          Who the heck-hell is JATNAS?

          1. Just A Thought, Not A Sermon. He numbers his posts — inconsistently. Rufus, of course you’re not him. But Nikki and Epi — I’m not so sure.

            1. Oh yes.

              I’m slow.

        2. And they’re all Tulpa. Including grrizzly.

        3. Epi is all of us.

          Except Sugarfree; Sugarfree is an dreaming aspect of Chthulu.

    3. …why shouldn’t the money be put back into society?

      I’ve wondered how it would affect inflation if all the money “hoarded” by the rich were just suddenly put back into circulation.

    4. Government is the wealth we let you pretend is yours together.

    5. Infuriating!

    6. The estate tax is also the most inefficient tax there is. It costs more to implement than it brings in.

      1. Can you point me in the direction where I can read up on this?

        1. This is a little old,but it is a start:

          http://object.cato.org/sites/c…..606-36.pdf

  20. CDC labs sanctioned for mishandling potential bioweapons

    The agency was more secretive when it came to the labs that faced sanctions. It refused to divulge which facilities they are exactly, but it did tell the publication why they were investigated. In three instances, the labs sent pathogens, which weren’t properly killed, to recipients not authorized to receive them. Twice, someone reported that they discovered potential bioweapons in places where they shouldn’t be within the agency’s facilities.

    USA Today unearthed all these info after winning a Freedom of Information Act appeal filed after it found out last year that 100 labs in the US faced federal sanctions. The publication says the new information that came to light proves that the CDC’s facilities have one of the worst regulatory histories in the country. Despite the repeated sanctions and suspended permit involving fatal pathogens, the agency assured the publication that there’s no need to panic.

    DON’T PANIC

  21. What happ be when somebody threatens a tow truck driver and pulls a gun on him?

    If you said “they get a half week vacation”, then you’d be right.

    I wonder what reward she got the first time she was “disciplined” for brandishing a firearm, assault, abuse of power, etc, etc, etc.

    1. “Berating.” That’s a funny way to describe someone with a handgun threatening the life of someone else.

      1. A discriminator that doesn’t discriminate.

    2. I have a feeling that I, as an uncostumed peasant, would go to prison for this.

  22. Playboy explains the political parties. A sample:

    Alternate description: “Playboy attempts to stereotype political parties while being humorous and fails at doing both.”

    1. At least they employ Lucy Steigerwald.

      1. But they don’t talk about it.

      2. You know the rules, man.

      3. Miss June. Just a warning from a friend.

    2. Mind your own fucking buisness.

      1. The foreign policy is pretty good.

    3. I thought the foreign policy section and onward was pretty good, where the Dems stop actually answering the questions and going “Hey, did you remember we’re Pro-Choice??” It’s almost like talking to a real Democrat about their record on foreign policy!!

    4. I’m surprised to hear that Playboy is still published.

      1. I stopped reading it because of the articles…

  23. Trumpbart with a major scoop: Paul Ryan sends his kids to papist boot camp

    Julia Hahn, Breitbart:

    After the Paris terrorist attack, House Speaker Paul Ryan declared that the United States cannot turn away the hundreds of thousands of Islamist migrants now being approved for visas to enter the United States?

    After the San Bernardino terrorist attack, Ryan echoed President Obama in condemning what was described as Donald Trump’s “religious test.” However, a Breitbart News investigation now reveals that while Paul Ryan wants no ‘religious test’ for who gets admitted into America, Ryan sends his children to a private school that uses a “religious test” in its admissions process.

    Ryan sends his children to a Catholic school connected to the parish where he was an altar boy as a child.

    That’s right, people: Paul Ryan is a Catholic, and he sends his kids to a Catholic school.

    This bombshell revelation changes everything. How can this hypocrite send his children to a private institution that has its own rules and guidelines, but then disagree with Donald Trump that the government should discriminate against immigrants based on religion?

    1. Even I can tell you that the United States and the Catholic Church are different entities with different admissions standards.

      Or is this a joke/trolling attempt?

      1. I went to Catholic schools for 11 years and there were plenty of non Catholics in the student body. I’d say a solid 20% were Jewish in my high school (granted, it was in the San Fernando Valley.)

        1. Yes, most Catholic schools are happy to take non-Catholics.

          1. Most Catholic schools are under constant threat closing, too. So yeah.

            I can only read the article as trolling, but trolling so bad than even Coulter scoffs at it.

      2. It’s an example of how Trumpitarian Breitbart has become. Doesn’t matter what anybody says, everything redounds to the glory of His Most Trumpy Donaldness. Torture the narrative enough and somehow you can make it say whatever you want it to say – basic leftist activism 101. Like Trump’s gilded cage he wants to build around America to keep anybody from escaping – sell it as a wall to keep people safe from all the bad guys trying to get in and they’ll lap that stuff right up. Heck, they’ll even help him build the cage!

        1. Trump wants to keep people from leaving the country? You got a citation on that one?

    2. We should find a way to generate electricity with how fast Andrew Breitbart must be spinning in his grave after what his site has become since he died.

      1. Is it possible to count RPM that high?

      2. Yeah, I remember when they would actually do legit movie reviews.

    3. Thanks for that – the stupid was dense and powerful I think I am bruised over 30% of my brain.

      And now I want cake.

  24. ENB actually DOES read Playboy for the articles.

    1. SPOILER: The article wasn’t very good.

    2. Everyone (who bothers) does now.

    3. Doesn’t everyone?

      I mean if I actually wanted porn there are FAR better places to get it than Playboy

  25. The ‘chemsex’ scene: An increasingly popular and sometimes lethal public-health problem

    The ‘chemsex’ scene: A nice band name; but maybe too close to Chemical Romance.

  26. Corey Lewandowski is running Donald Trump’s vice presidential vetting effort.

    The fake libertarians like Brown still can’t get over that giant nothingburger. Too funny.

    1. E-Lies Abed No-Land Frown, right?

  27. Goose calls police to help rescue stranded baby bird

    Cincinnati police responded to an unusual distress call on Monday… from a mother goose.

    The bird was pecking on the door of a police cruiser in an apparent bid for some attention.

    “It kept pecking and pecking and normally they don’t come near us,” Sergeant James Givens told WKRC. “Then it walked away and then it stopped and looked back so I followed it and it led me right over to [a gosling] that was tangled up in all that string.”

    The baby bird was caught in string from a balloon.

    Givens and specialist Cecilia Charron called the SPCA for backup, but when no one was available they decided to help the gosling themselves.

    With Givens recording and mother goose honking, Charron freed the baby bird from the balloon.

    The baby animal promptly ran off to join the rest of the family:

    Good thing it wasn’t a black swan, eh? Canadian privilege.

    1. I’m sure American cops are puzzled as to why the officers didn’t fill the offending goose with lead.

      1. Skepticism of the police is all well and good, but there are limits. If a story came out tomorrow and a cop said he shot a goose, and mentioned being in fear for his life, I would entertain that this was, in fact, a completely honest account of the situation.

        1. Yeah, geese are mean fuckers.

    2. So they were literally led on a wild goose chase?

    3. #justiceforlucy

    4. I got attacked by a goose on a golf course in Augusta, GA years ago. Fucker came at me all hissing and wings out. I took a swipe at him to scare him away and instead the head of my wedge caught him halfway up his neck, which then proceeded to fold comically at a 90 degree angle. He flailed around for a minute or so then stopped moving. I gently rolled him into the adjacent pond with my foot and proceeded to hit a pretty good flop shot onto the green and save par.

      1. How did he taste?

      2. You cheating bastard! Swinging at the goose counts as a stroke! You’re reported!

        1. Swinging at the goose counts as a stroke!

          You’re darn tootin’.

        2. That is a hell of a convoluted euphemism, Jerry.

      3. So, you hit it thin?

      4. Slice!

    5. He should have called Maverick.

  28. Fired? How could anybody possibly be fired for sending a video of himself jacking off to a woman you’re involved in a criminal investigation with?

    FTA: Saglio’s attorney, Eugene Gibbons, says Saglio was a “stellar” detective and will be appealing his termination.

    Seems legit.

    1. News outlets report that according to Plantation police, detective Peter Saglio used his personal iPod in March 2015 to have text conversations with the victim of a possible crime, then sent her a 26-second video of himself engaging in a sex act.

      He is a cop and in Florida, so don’t assume he was just jackin it.

      1. So you’re saying that, somewhere in Florida, there’s a large turtle with a sore cloaca?

        1. cloaca

          In Florida, they call that the “business hole”.

      2. Point taken. But you’d have expected there to be mention of the animal otherwise.

        1. I did a little googling: Exclusive: Plantation PD Detective Fired For Texting Sexually Explicit Video To Woman

          Former Plantation Police Department Detective Peter Saglio says that video was meant for his wife and he accidentally sent it to the victim.

          HA!

          She told detectives that Saglio texted her often ? the pair exchanged more than 500 texts ? and in one text he told her, “?any other detective would have thrown your case out as insignificant, you’re lucky you got me on the case, you owe me big time.”

          Saglio told investigators he was “?just being friendly.”

          HA!

          1. I constantly remind my friends how much they owe me for the beneficence of my regard.

            1. *gasps from laughing too hard to breathe properly*

              1. Did CX send you a jacking video?

                Too?

      3. Twenty-six seconds?

        Piker.

  29. A friend of mine was looking online for an adapter for his reciprocating saw. He was in a coffee shop and was appalled when he happened to notice the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought”. He had to quickly close his laptop and hope no one had noticed.

    He sent the link to us and we all had the same results, so it isn’t something twisted from his search history.

    NSFW

    1. The funny part is that after researching the misuse of reciprocating saws, I found this disturbing story. So I guess the adapter is a smart move if you are into that sort of DIY stuff.

        1. No way you’ve ever said that before

          1. Crusty’s safe word is in the !Kung language.

        2. Sadly my wife has appointed herself Chief Safety Officer at our house. She’s a big proponent of “that which is not permitted is banned” mindthink.

      1. My butt clenched so hard after reading that story you could open a Pepsi with it.

    2. From an enthusiastic review: Get a Hitachi magic wand to add to the mix and you can have a rodeo “see if she can ride em for 8 seconds”.

      1. A cautionary note in one of the reviews:

        To be upfront though, a dewalt reciprocating saw’s wide open speed is too much for anyone to handle. You will have to operate it at 1/4 – 1/3 speed max. I’m sure you are thinking “Yea right, mine can handle more” but it will be your night ending early if you think you are going to run it wide open.

        Words to live by.

    3. That’s comedy!

    4. It’s like none of you have ever been to fuckingmachines.com.

      1. There was a young man from Racine…

      2. +1 millstone for a browser history

    5. Something about that smells fishy.

  30. L O fucking L.

    Sorry. I can’t even come up with a pithy remark that will do the story justice. It stands on the merits of its own retardation.

    1. She’s a teacher.

      1. Tovar, who lists her occupation as “fat activist,” has a Masters in Human Sexuality?with a focus on the “intersection of body size, race and gender”

    2. “According to Tovar, the students, who study public health (at one of the top 10 schools for public health), shouldn’t push people they deem overweight to shed pounds, even if it’s better overall for health. “Weight loss is not a realistic goal for most people,” she said, declaring that exercise and diet are “social constructs.” She implored her audience to “lose hate, not weight” and rebel against “diet culture.” (Diets are, of course, just a tool of the hetero-normative Patriarchy.)”

      I’d like to read exactly what she said instead of having it paraphrased. Not because I think they’re lying about her, but because I’d love to see the justification for exercise being a social construct.

      1. SJW math:

        “I don’t like it” = “Social Construct” = “Must be bad”

      2. “Weight loss is not a realistic goal for most people…”

        I think she meant “Weight loss is not a sufficiently motivating goal for most people.” All the more so when people like her rationalize and justify being fat.

      3. BULL. SHIT. I lost 10 lbs this month. They key. Always be hungry. Move more.

        1. I grew up “always hungry”. Fuck that.

      4. Death by heart attack is a social construct.

        1. So is diabeetus.

          1. And fallen arches.

    3. When asked to respond to the story, Tovar was heard to say “Han ma boo-kee, keelee ka-lya dooka. Wadja da boolya ra Moy ka cheesa crispa Greedo?”

  31. This morning on faceDerp I learned that CO2 from deforestation and burning fossil fuels is lighter than natural CO2, which therefor proves AGW is a thing caused by humans, so it stands to reason we need intervention now before it is too late.

    …I just can’t even.

    1. That’s ’cause it’s not weighed down by the bad intentions inherent in capitalism, duh.

    2. This morning on faceDerp I learned…

      You can’t fool me! That was sarcastic.

    3. None of that shit matters. Because Islamophobia is the real cause of global warming anyway.

      1. From the same author of White Nation: Fantasies of White Supremacy in a Multicultural Society. This would be a fun guy to have over for dinner, and then placed into a burlap sack and savagely beaten before dessert is served.

        1. I’d say you could serve his chilled brains for dessert. But That would cause everybody to leave hungry.

    4. I suppose fossil fuels will have less C14, making the CO2 produced lighter on average. But don’t volcanos release more CO2 than anything else by a lot? That CO2 would be lighter too.

      1. CO2 is heavier than ambient air. It would if left alone sink to the earth’s surface and suffocate all of us. That doesn’t happen because it defuses and the wind currents and normal movement of air makes it more or less equally distributed in the atmosphere. Why the hell some CO2 being lighter would make any difference is beyond me.

        1. I’m quite sure it makes no difference. The heavier isotopes will just diffuse like the rest. I was just playing at coming up with some at least technically true explanation.

          1. And CO2 from burning is going to start out hot and naturally rise. I honestly don’t understand where people get this shit.

            1. Some people are just convinced, despite any evidence, that natural is good and man-made is evil. That’s the best I can come up with.

    5. The “world’s most influential news source” in action.

      Fuck, we are so screwed.

    1. Turn the tables on them, require that any such chaperone be unrelated to her.

      1. I never understood the ‘chaperone has to be a relative’ thing. In the muslim world does that increase or decrease the chances of her being molested?

    2. How the mighty have fallen

    3. Next debate: Should Muslim men be allowed to leave their homes.

      1. A couple hundred thousand Syrian “teenagers” have a sad.

    4. I think this is what they’re discussing.

      1. Muslim immigration, get ya some that.

    5. Given the high rates of incest in those societies, I’m not sure that having a male relative as a chaperone is such a good means to protect against adultery.

      1. In my experience the women attended by relatives in those societies tend to be safe in most cases. The little boys, sheep, goats, and camels, not so much….

  32. The Playboy graphic is actually quite well done…but, really, why does Playboy exist without tits?

    1. The parts about the libertarian party were great

      1. the whole thing was pretty funny.

    2. There was a time when it had good articles and interviews. A whole lot of the best interviews of celebrities and politicians in the 1970s appeared in Playboy. Like most other magazines, it slowly succumbed to the leftist rot and stopped being interesting some time in the 90s.

      1. A bunch of great fiction writers contributed short stories, too.

      2. “There was a time when it had good articles and interviews”

        There was also a time when they published some of the best short fiction in the US.

        The death of quality short story writing in the US also probably hurt them.

        1. Yes. And the women used to be hotter. Even though they didn’t always show all of the goods, the women who were in the magazine in the 60s and 70s were goddesses. The ones later just looked like cheap strippers a lot of them.

        2. Yes. And the women used to be hotter. Even though they didn’t always show all of the goods, the women who were in the magazine in the 60s and 70s were goddesses. The ones later just looked like cheap strippers a lot of them.

        3. And the women used to be hotter.

        4. Speaking of shitty publications that used to not suck,
          Salon had an interesting article on how ridiculously good the writing in Playboy used to be.

          “It’s December 1968 and you grab a mag at the local newsstand. The table of contents includes the following: A quartet of short stories by Alberto Moravia; a symposium on creativity with contributions from Truman Capote, Lawrence Durrell, James T. Farrell, Allen Ginsberg, Le Roi Jones, Arthur Miller, Henry Miller, Norman Podhoretz, Georges Simenon, Isaac Bashevis Singer, William Styron and John Updike; humor pieces from Jean Shepherd and Robert Morley; an article on pacifism in America by Norman Thomas; a piece on how machines will change our lives by Arthur C. Clarke; an essay on “the overheated image” by Marshall McLuhan; contributions from Eric Hoffer and Alan Watts; an article in defense of academic irresponsibility by Leslie Fiedler; a memoir of Hemingway by his son Patrick; Eldridge Cleaver interviewed by Nat Hentoff; a travel piece by the espionage novelist Len Deighton; and the first English translation of a poem by Goethe.”

          “Yes, folks, that was Playboy. And lest you think that issue was a fluke, an overstuffed Christmas goodie, the ad for the January 1969 issue promises a story from P.G. Wodehouse, an article by Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas, fiction from Robert Coover and Sean O’Faolain, and a never before published tale by Lytton Strachey.”

          1. Hugh Hefner was one hell of a publisher and a serious guy at one time.

      3. They also used to publish a lot of great fiction.

        1. And a lot of big bushes and real tits. And good fiction, too.

          1. What was not to love?

            1. About the magazines from the 60s and 70s? The copious pubic hair and the realization that those women are older than my parents.

              1. There is nothing wrong with hair and just because you wouldn’t want to see them now doesn’t mean it is not worth seeing what they were then.

              2. We already know that you hate everything, UnCivil. You don’t have to keep reminding us. [gets off of lawn]

    3. When you can find tits in two seconds on the internet tubes, they’ve gotta find their way to make money elsewhere. It’s not like when I was a teenager and the only naked women I could see were thanks to these magazines and a store that didn’t card when buying them.

      1. That doesn’t mean tits aren’t worth looking at. Jesus. Am I the only sane man left?

        1. At this point I would have thought that all magazines would have tits. We’re going backwards.

        2. Tits, yes. Big fake ones, like what took over Playboy in the 90s, not so much.

          1. Fake tits (or at least bad, obviously fake tits) seem to have lost a lot of popularity. Which is good.

            1. Tara Reid hardest hit.

          2. Took over porn in general. Generic porn is 90% clear plastic high heels, cantaloupe sized fake titties and three pounds of make up. Plus some annoying screaming that requires me to put it on mute so that I can properly fight off prostate cancer.

  33. This Clinton video did make me chuckle.

    http://nypost.com/2016/05/10/h…..g-quickly/

  34. So the Jack Hunter v. Miio Yianannopolous link in yesterday’s PM links is very interesting. Jack Hunter is a scum bag. It turns out he was fired from Rand Paul’s staff after

    his background as pseudonymous radio host “The Southern Avenger” came to light in 2013.

    As The Southern Avenger, Hunter wore a wrestling mask in the colors of the Confederate Flag and cracked jokes about tying the President of the NAACP to a tree and whipping him. It also emerged that he was a chairman in the League of the South, a neo-secessionist group.

    You don’t become chairman of a secessionist group and get a radio show called The Southern Avenger and joke about flogging the President of the NAACP by accident. I am as free with my opinions as anyone and I no matter how drunk or angry have never done anything like that. That is because I am not a racist douchenozzle.

    Rather than just walk away from journalism and get a real job, Walker has now become a concern troll for the left making his living as the reformed pet libertarians who calls everyone on the right racists and makes liberals feel good about themselves. What a pathetic person. Walker is in many ways the living embodiment of the current generation of Washington journalists and pretend pundits. Someone with no values, shame or dignity that is totally dedicated to their own self promotion. Someone who has no marketable skills or anything to offer and thus has nowhere else to go.

    1. Hunter is right about the alt-right assholes, but Milo’s point that he’s clearly desperately trying to get liberals to like him again after he got pilloried for his ‘Southern Avenger’ stuff was spot on.

      “Walker”

      John, you used his correct name in the first two sentences. Where did ‘Walker’ come from?

      1. I have no idea. Must have been thinking about something else. Maybe the alt right is racist. I don’t. I honestly didn’t know there was such a thing until recently. Whatever it is, a guy who called himself the Southern Avenger and joked about whipping the President of the NAACP isn’t the person to be calling them on it.

        It is just pathetic. You would have thought Hunter would have just walked away from public life and gone and gotten a job doing something else. You are not entitled to a career in journalism or anything else. There ought to be some fuck ups that make you unfit for a particular career. If you work as an accountant and are caught stealing, you should after you have paid your debt be allowed to work but not in accounting anymore. Unless you want to go full storm front and be that person, you should not be able to be a mainstream journalist after it is revealed that you used to make your living doing some kind of white supremacist minstrel show. Instead, Hunter just fails upwards and becomes a professional concern troll.

        1. Maybe the alt right is racist.

          These are people who wrap themselves in Nordic iconography on Twitter. They’re about as multicultural as a bag of Jet-Puffed marshmallows.

          1. Why is that necessarily racist? Are black people who celebrate Kwanza racist? Either reject all expressions of racial identity as racist or none of them.

            1. Yes, it is all racist. No, it doesn’t matter. But I’m no happier associating with anonymous white bigots than I would be this collectivist moron.

            2. “Alt-right” is vdare and Derbyshire and such.

              Not my cup of tea but I don’t waste brainc ells ferreting out “racism” when the word has been leeched of most of its meaning.

              1. Progressives and SJWs have done more to revive and empower racism (actual white supremacy, not just their own bigotries) in the past several years than decades of declining Klan membership. There’s nothing wrong with pointing it out. It is a contemptible, collectivist attitude. But that’s just it, racists aren’t monsters, they’re parochial and pitiful people.

                1. Since January 2009, to be more accurate.

                2. Old fashioned Irish-style racism and socially just identity group politics are two sides of the same collectivist coin, and that nasty ass wooden nickel needs to get thrown the fuck away instead of getting endlessly flipped and called.

  35. From the algorithms link

    Mr. Zuckerberg is for… controversial brand of education reform.

    links to this story:

    the gist is the author tries to show how for-profit schools are bad because they close when they fail. The horror! To think, they don’t just keep trying the same thing that doesn’t work!

  36. Insert your own joke about Peter King here

    The threat level from Northern Ireland-related terrorism in Great Britain has gone up from moderate to substantial.

    It means an attack in England, Scotland or Wales is “a strong possibility”.

    Home Secretary Theresa May said the level, set by security service MI5, “reflects the continuing threat from dissident republican activity”.

    The level for Northern Ireland-related terrorism in Northern Ireland remains “severe”, meaning an attack is “highly likely”.

    Mrs May confirmed the change of threat level relating to Great Britain – meaning three of the four countries of the UK – in a written statement to Parliament.

    “As a result of this change, we are working closely with the police and other relevant authorities to ensure appropriate security measures are in place,” she wrote.

    The public should “remain vigilant and report any suspicious activity to the police”, she added.

    At Easter the New IRA, the group responsible for the murder of prison officer Adrian Ismay in March, warned that its members were “determined to take the war to the age-old enemy of our nation”.

    The threat level for Northern Ireland-related terrorism in Great Britain was raised from moderate to substantial in 2010, then reduced back to moderate in 2012.

    1. WTF? What has gotten the Micks worked up?

      1. I suspect Theresa May is just lying because freaking out about terrorism makes her horny.

        This is the woman who thinks it’s the government’s job to combat ‘non-violent extremism.’

      2. Someone drew a picture of Mr Jameson.

        1. + the internets.

        2. That’s “The Distiller John Jameson, PBUH” to you. Have some respect.

          1. “To us, to me personally, this drawing is disgusting and reprehensible. It appears to have a deeply cynical purpose: to denigrate a great whiskey and to provoke rage.”

            1. Scotch is the only true whiskey.

              1. Great, now the bourbon lovers are going to emerge from their double-wide trailers and mountain shacks and trash up this thread. Way to go.

                1. I guess I’m the Unitarian of the whisky wars. All whiskys have some merit and validity and deserve respect and consideration.

              2. Maybe the Scotch and Irish factions will just fight it out among themselves, sparing England some trouble.

                1. England can threaten to cater their war if they’re not left out of it.

              3. Scotch is whisky, not whiskey.

                Scotch is also terrible.

                1. Scotch is also terrible.

                  You are dead to me.

                2. *narrows gaze, sharpens claymore*

                3. Scotch is also terrible.

                  *clutches pearls perls*

                4. You heathen!

            2. What happened to just getting high on good old clean life? Maybe enjoying life looking at a rainbow,or sitting underneath a waterfall, enjoying a big glass of Scotch, or enjoying a pack of cigarettes on a hot summer day. What happened to those simple pleasures? Did they die with the dinosaurs and the Tyrannus rex? In my book, they didn’t. And there’s only one book–that’s the Bible.

    2. Looks like somebody figured out how to get her budget increased.

  37. I can’t think of many worse ways to die than drowning.

    Sooooooooo, lucky for this guy, I guess?

    1. His body was found washed up

      Which, sadly, was just what everyone was trying to avoid.

      This is why dismemberment and feeding to pigs is the way to go, people.

      1. Are they Lancastershire pigs?

    2. Next time, use 2 buckets, asshole.

  38. ISIS is claiming responsibility for a Wednesday car bombing in Baghdad that killed at least 39 people.

    If you go to the link and look at the photo, you’ll see a guy standing in front of the bombed out car wearing a Twilight t-shirt. I think it’s time that the State Department re-classify Team Edward as a terrorist organization.

    1. Seriously, this one is hard to read without wanting to break something.

      You’ve been cautioned.

    2. I shouldn’t pull wire this angry.

    3. TEN arrest-related deaths since 2005?

      They’re basically government-authorized serial killers.

    4. I see the UK is still reporting news from America that the American media won’t touch.

      1. I see the UK is still reporting news from America that the American media won’t touch.

        And vice versa I’d wager.

  39. Senate GOP Launches Inquiry Into Facebook’s News Curation

    http://gizmodo.com/senate-gop-…..1775767018

    GIT THEM!

    1. Thanks, Captain Yesterday.

      You do know reason wrote a story on it and the commentariat all slammed the GOP, don’t you?

      Oh, and have you paid your bet yet?

    2. The lil tacos are trying to escape the plantation. Fine them 20 peanuts?

    3. They’re obviously hiding all the stories about your boy Jeb sweeping up the Republican delegates, ’cause i haven’t seen ANYTHING about his impending victory.

      1. I don’t understand why Progs are so upset about this. I thought corporations were not people and thus didn’t have any rights.

        1. Progressives have no principle aside from expediency.

  40. Woman tries to eat corn on the cob with spinning drill, rips her hair out

    It started when someone discovered you could eat a cob in 15 seconds by putting it on a spinning drill.

    Why you would want to do that remains unclear.

    But this woman found out that it can be a horrific experience after her hair got caught on the rotating drill, and got torn out.

    She was left with a huge bald patch in the centre of her head and in a lot of pain.

    1. Why?? There’s a video of a man doing the same thing about a month older. The corn is covered in Sriracha.

    2. Always wear a hair net when eating corn with a power drill.

      1. It is known.

  41. Never fucking allow anyone to define the stigmatizing legislative assault on sexuality differently than the chaos of man brutalizing the ethos of sexuality into calamitous reprobation.

    The worldly intellect has been beaten and chased from the social/policy debate on human sexuality and the depraved blasphemy that remains is the farce of faith, pseudo-ethics, and motherfucking force.

    1. If/when ENB write a book, that needs to be the jacket description.

  42. So the Caps….

  43. New Research Says You Need To Start Ejaculating More Often

    “While our findings should be confirmed in studies that evaluate the potential biological mechanisms underlying the observed associations,” prefaced the lead study author, Jennifer Ryder. She continued with,”the results of our study suggest that ejaculation and safe sexual activity throughout adulthood could be a beneficial strategy for reducing the risk of prostate cancer.”

    To help make the trends and possibilities, perfectly clear, here a simple recap. The gents who ejaculated at least 21 times every month, in their twenties, were 19 percent less likely to get diagnosed with PC over men you who ejaculated no more than 7 times a month. The men that ejaculated continued to ejaculate often in their forties were 22 percent less likely to get diagnosed with PC.

    STEVE SMITH LIVE FOREVER

    1. Well, that’s nice to know.

      1. *forwards article to wife*

        “But honey…its science!”

        1. A friend of mine told me that after his vasectomy he had to explain to his wife that he still had 15-20 good rounds in his chamber and they’d have to get through those before they could start barebacking,

          According to him she blurted out something about having to give him 15-20 BJ’s in a row? Then she figured out that there was another way that they could unload his magazine that wouldn’t even involve her.

          “So close” was his finish to the story.

          1. As long as he’s practicing safe handling and storage.

    2. That news almost gave me a stroke.

    3. STEVE SMITH LIVE FOREVER

      Well, how did you think he’d managed to survive since the early Pleistocene?

    4. It’s as if a thousand taoist monks cried out in horror, and suddenly went silent.

    5. I suspect this study is somehow highly flawed wrt over-all morbity, though. I’m pretty sure if you were to send out a simple two-part questionaire – 1) How frequently do you ejaculate? and 2) Are you dead? – you would find no statistical correlation between the answers to #1 and #2.

    6. I will NEVER get prostate cancer. I ejaculated three times just now while writing these two sentences.

      1. See your doctor if you ejaculate uncontrollably during session on Reason Magazine’s Hit and Run forum.

        1. If your doctor is a psychiatrist, even better.

  44. Florida man accidentally shoots himself, notices two days later

    A man accidentally shot himself in the arm while cleaning his gun but did not notice until two days later, according to Florida police.

    Michael Blevins, 37, of Deltona, said he did not feel pain from the bullet, which pierced skin and muscle before exiting his body, according to an incident report from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

    He also told a deputy that he did not notice the bleeding until he replaced a black shirt he was wearing with a brown one, and the wound created a stain.

    Blevins did not immediately respond to a request for comment on Tuesday.

    1. Bath salts.

    2. why am I not really surprised?

    3. So I think there’s like a better than 50/50 chance that guy is the son of a good friend of my father, who,played high school basketball with him. I do know he moved to the Orlando area a while back from Jacksonville.

      He was on the Jacksonville 1970 final four team.

      The ages match up. Lol.

      1. Look at Sloop here Florida man name dropping.

        1. What’s become of Florida Man, anyway? Is he going by Florida Hipster now?

          1. He’s Tulpa. They’re all Tulpa down here.

  45. I’m so glad the New York Times informed me that competing sources of news are laden with institutional bias! At least there’s *someone* I can trust!

    (sips latte and browses NYT story on the ‘Epidemic of Sexstortion‘ sweeping America, and “Donald’s New Racist Friends“)

  46. I Am Going To Vote For Trump Though It Makes Me Want To Projectile Vomit

    What would I argue to my principled anti-Trump friends even if I were so inclined? That he’s not more liberal than I like? That he’s not a vulgar buffoon? That he’s the heir to Ronald Reagan? Not remotely. No, if Trump wants their votes, he can rebuild the bridges out of the ashes he created.

    But I have principles too, and a key one is not electing a man-hating progressive fascist who has the liberal infrastructure behind her that can make her goose-stepping dreams actually come true. Trump is a one-off loner who Congress could contain. Hillary Clinton has eager allies and potentially the Senate and, God forbid, the House behind her. She’s just malignant and stupid enough to start people shooting, while all Trump could do is get us yelling. Slight advantage, Trump.

    1. What other politician attracts that kind of loyalty and determination from his voters?

    2. Kim Stossel (?) actually said on Fox that Paul Ryan was too principled to endorse Trump.

      1. I get it why people would not support Trump. What I don’t understand is why otherwise intelligent people with presumably rational reasons to oppose Trump seem to always give amazingly stupid reasons for doing so.

        1. This is Clauswitz level politicking, John. Wait till they figure out that the enemy of their enemy’s enemy is themselves.

        2. “He’s marginally better than Clinton” is a rational but amazingly stupid endorsement.

          1. So what? We are talking about Trump’s opponents here. His supporters could be worse and that wouldn’t have anything to do with this subject.

          2. Given that we will have one or the other of them for President, why is it stupid?

            1. It’s a good reason for opposing Clinton. It’s a terrible reason for trumpeting Trump. I was responding to

              What I don’t understand is why otherwise intelligent people with presumably rational reasons to oppose Trump seem to always give amazingly stupid reasons for doing so.

              which I take to mean condemning Ryan for being “too principled” to support the vapid, unprincipled git. How is it stupid to withhold support from someone who represents none of your guiding lights?

        3. I’ve always maintained that in practice, it’s possible that Trump is no worse than the average politician and that there will be no remarkable changes in government fucking a lot of stuff up. (Romney, Bush, Clinton, Rubio, etc.)

    3. Maybe I should wear a poncho on election day. Or it that cultural appropriation?

    4. A colleague of mine is going to vote for Trump because, in his words, “The country is going down, and we might as well have an entertaining clown in the White House who gives us the laughs”.

      It’s like the band playing music while the Titanic was sinking.

      1. It’s like the Titanic is sinking and the band is playing “Yakety Sax.”

        1. Accompanied by high-speed film of women and children loading into boats? That’s funny.

          1. A man in a yellow rain slicker rides a large tricycle across the tilting deck. He falls over.

    5. You’re going to vote for Trump even though it makes you want to projectile vomit – because you have principles. I don’t think that word means what you think it means. Not when you consider that “man-hating” is the only part of that description that doesn’t fit Trump. I think your “principle” is that you’ll vote for anybody with an R next to their name over anybody with a D next to their name – which is the same shitty principle the GOP used to try and sell Bob Dole and John McCain and Mitt Romney. (And supposedly the principle against which Trump is campaigning and lambasting the GOP for supporting.)

      1. Here’s the thing for me. Economic freedom means as much or more than civic freedom, the two are inseparable. Give me the chance to make enough money to escape or to defend myself and I’m not so worried about your attempts to restrain my liberty. And Trump wants to build a cage to keep me from escaping in the same way Hillary and Bernie do and for precisely the same principle – everything properly belongs to the government and anything they allow you to keep is something they have given you. Trump rails against those greedy corporations moving jobs to Mexico precisely because he believes those corporations belong to the US and those jobs belong to the US and that money belongs to the US. “You didn’t build that” doesn’t just mean that what you have doesn’t actually belong to you – the implication is that we built that and therefore everything you have belongs to us. Anything you try to gain for yourself is something you’re stealing from us.

        1. Whether you’re a greedy old lady trying to steal our house from us just because you selfishly would rather live in it than let us use our house as a limousine parking area or Carrier trying to steal our jobs and give them to Mexico just because it allows them to increase profits and thereby steal more of our money from us or a Walmart shopper trying to steal our money and give it to the Chinese just because you’d selfishly like to pay less for stuff rather than more, you’re still a goddamn low-life thief stealing our shit. Now you tell me – is that Trump or Hillary or Sanders, or can you tell the difference?

          Well, you know what? Fuck you and fuck all y’all who support any of the fascists. My shit is my shit, keep your damn hands off it.

  47. Gene Simmons apologizes for calling Prince’s death ‘pathetic’

    In an interview with Newsweek, Simmons hailed the late singer as “heads, hands and feet above all the rest of them. I thought he left (Michael) Jackson in the dust. Prince was way beyond that.”

    Then he followed with remarks about how Prince died.

    “But how pathetic that he killed himself,” Simmons said. “Don’t kid yourself, that’s what he did. Slowly, I’ll grant you … but that’s what drugs and alcohol is: a slow death.”

    Authorities are investigating evidence of opiate use by the late singer.

    Simmons took to Twitter to apologize, saying, “I just got such s**t from my family for my big mouth again.”

    1. “”But how pathetic that he killed himself,” Simmons said. “Don’t kid yourself, that’s what he did. Slowly, I’ll grant you … but that’s what drugs and alcohol is: a slow death.””

      Opposing slowly killing yourself with drugs and opiates is apparently politically incorrect now.

      1. Still a shitty thing to say publicly when someone dies. But it is Gene Simmons. Being a huge asshole is kind of his thing.

        And, just to be picky, opiates don’t really slowly kill you. The drugs aren’t very bad for you physically. People who die from that kind of drug die from acute overdoses. And I don’t think it is clear yet that there wasn’t also something else wrong with Prince, is it? Seems really weird that he’d just up and OD like that. Though I suppose if he was trying to quit, it might be more likely to accidentally OD.

        1. I don’t think it is clear yet that there wasn’t also something else wrong with Prince, is it

          What i had picked up from chatter was that he apparently suffered from some chronic pain. something to do with broken pelvis or some problem with his hips? He had a hip replacement surgery which was never entirely completed *(which i think Kevin Smith mentioned in his long ‘prince story’ monologue)…either due to procedural complications or something to do with “crazy-celebrity-flighty-attitudes”+”Jehovas Witness Kookiness” towards their own treatment

          (i think no matter what, both of those things were probably huge factors. The fact that the guy had no Will at his time of death tells tells you one thing = He was insanely stubborn and No One Ever Told Him Shit. What lawyer would @#()%&*()@$ allow THAT? Never mind a guy w/ his assets. He could be eating handfuls of Oxy like candy and living on a purple planet, but for fucks sake, at the very least they could have gotten him to sign a few pieces of paper, you think?)

    2. It was a cruel and pointless thing to say to Prince’s family. It was, however, not untrue. Killing yourself on drugs is a pathetic death.

  48. YACHT’s Sex Tape Hoax Took Advantage of People’s Empathy for Revenge Porn Victims

    Never blame the victim. That’s the mentality the social media age has attempted to foster on cases of abuse and sexual assault. And on the surface, it’s a good one. Victims have used social media as a powerful support tool in combating harassment that otherwise would’ve gone unreported. But what happens when said victim is full of shit? That’s the position the dance-pop duo, YACHT, put fans in yesterday when they announced that a sex tape they had made together had been stolen and leaked online.

    But beyond that, no one had ever seen YACHT’s alleged sex tape. A quick search of Twitter for “YACHT sex tape” prior to the band’s announcement resulted mostly in links to Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee’s sex tape (which took place on a yacht). If the leak was reaching such a critical mass that YACHT felt the need to publicly address the problem themselves, you’d think someone might have actually watched it.

    Even after it was officially “released,” the only people who had actually viewed it were celebrity fans of the band who started tweeting about it around the same time. Miranda July tweeted that she had downloaded the tape, and very graciously provided a link:

  49. So last night I went before the Grand City Council of Wise Elders and applied for a fence permit. I was denied because my proposed fence would be too close to my neighbor’s property line. When I submitted the proper document showing that my neighbor consented to the proposed fence I was again denied because “What if someone down the street sees your fence and wants to put one on his neighbor’s property line? Everybody will want to put fences on their property lines.” and so I asked “So what if he does? How does that harm anyone? That sounds like it should be between him and his neighbor. Why shouldn’t two property owners be able to agree on where to put a fence?” And the old bag of shit on City Council replied, “Because that’s the way it is.” The classic “fuck you that’s why” argument has again slain my rather reasonable hopes and dreams. I’ve added that old fat fuck to my list of people whose grave I will piss on.

    1. Fence permit? Wut?

      I would have just put up the fence. I’ve moved fences and even built a garden shed, along with getting some minor home construction done, all without permits.

      1. If you live in a place where that sort of thing is enforced, you don’t fuck around with fences near property lines. They will come and make you take it down.

      2. I was thinking of building my own fence, and then hired a contractor for precisely this reason. The contractor took care of the permit. If any palms were greased to help with city regulations, I’m not aware of them.

        1. Same with me. I also am lazy and didn’t want to actually do the work of putting up a fence.

          They guy I hired did put it up pretty much exactly on the property line. Thankfully my neighbor was OK with it.

          1. I put up my own, sans permit. The neighbor is an absentee landlord, and the renters don’t care enough to ask questions. I know the county knows about it because it appears on the list of improvements to the property in my tax assessment, but so far nobody has objected, and the fence has been there over 10 years.

        2. I was thinking of building my own fence,

          With blackjack, and hookers?

      3. I was trying to avoid the city forcing me to take down the fence, at my own expense, for putting it up without first groveling before them as they are wont to do. I’ve learned my lesson though. FYTW is a two way street.

        Going forward, I’m thinking that I’ll lease my neighbor’s backyard for a dollar and put the fence up where I want it and then maybe take a shit on that city councilor’s front porch.

        1. I built a structure on my property without a city permit. We’ll see what happens when the time comes.

          This is where I think Charles Murray’s idea of widespread civil disobedience described in “Rebuilding liberty without permission” comes in. When the law becomes onerous, citizens lose respect for it and will (and should) eventually ignore it.

          1. My Italian neighbors down the street installed a swimming pool and paved their front-yard without a permit. The town was pissed but didn’t do much. It looks like shit but there are some woods and a hill hiding most of the eyesore.

    2. Doncha just luv it when they call themselves “Public Servants”?

      1. Of course it irks me. We’re not here to serve the public.

        1. Thought you had left. Of course I didn’t mean you.

    3. You can’t build a fence on your property line? That is the dumbest think I have ever heard. The entire point of a fence is to demarcate the property line. If you build it inside the property line, you run the risk of forfeiting the difference by adverse possession.

      You should have asked these half wits what happens after 20 years and the neighbor gets the land beyond the fence via adverse possession and the fence how is the property line? Do I have to tear it down and build a new fence and start the process all over?

      1. They said the closest I would be allowed to build the fence is ten feet away from his property line, which would essentially mean that my fence would need to be an unenclosed line that runs directly through the middle of my yard negating the purpose of the fence. And if I wanted to go that retarded route, I’ll need to pay another $200 application fee to be allowed to come back in a month just to pose the question and grovel before them again.

        I hate government.

        1. Easements are tyranny.

        2. Ten feet is outrageous. They effectively want a 20 foot right of way between everyone’s property. That borders on a taking. Did they give a reason for it?

          1. Yes, I asked how an unaffected third party has any justification for interceding between my neighbor and I on our agreement, I was told “Because that’s the way it is.” read: FYTW

      2. If you build it inside the property line, you run the risk of forfeiting the difference by adverse possession.

        I think that is also the reason for having the strict permit requirements. Though it does seem stupid that they would reject it when both neighbors agree. That is kind of what fences are for.

        1. The permit wouldn’t help you. Adverse possession just has to be open and notorious. Yes, you trying to get the permit is asserting ownership. But that just starts the clock once I start using the area beyond your fence. If you don’t stop me or assert ownership again, I take it by adverse possession in 20 years.

          1. What I mean is that the permitting should involve making sure that the property line is properly identified or surveyed before allowing a fence to be built to avoid disputes and the whole adverse possession issue in the first place when you put a fence on the property line. Or at least that’s what I thought the reasoning behind the strict fence regulations was. I’m sure it’s largely become just another playground for local government busy-bodies.

    4. If this was India, my first guess would have been a veiled demand for a bribe.

    5. I’ve seen the same discussion in my township. The “real” answer to not putting the fence on the exact property line is it should be positioned so that the fence owner can repair the fence from either side without trespassing on the other guy’s property. Sure, the current neighbor might be fine with it, but what about the subsequent owner? You want to get in a court hassle over being able to repair your fence?

      1. I applied for being two feet away for what it’s worth. Not that that argument you posed was even remotely close to their reasoning. Their reasoning was “your property is mine to control”.

      2. Sure, the current neighbor might be fine with it, but what about the subsequent owner?

        Caveat emptor

      3. What in the holy hell? I think everywhere I’ve ever lived had a single fence in the back yard and directly on the property line. I had no idea people make such a big deal out of it.

        1. They’re just dick waving. It was my mistake for giving the city council an opportunity to show me how important and indispensable they are.

    6. Build the fence, paint daisies and other flowery patterns in it and when an inspector or some other parasite comes to your house and asks about it, tell him o her that it is not a fence but a curtain.

      1. It’s expressive and therefore protected by the First.

        1. Or I could claim to be a fence worshiper and say that the fence represents the transfiguration of my yard.

        2. Or I could claim to be a fence worshiper and say the fence represents the transfiguration of my yard.

          1. Or your yard self-identifies as an inbordered property, and therefore the city council is being transphobic.

            1. Statutory law is a social construct.

      2. It’s not a fence. It’s an undocumented barricade.

    7. This is why I don’t have neighbors with abutting yards.

      1. This is why I’m going to move to the country. I just need to find a location that is isolated from other humans and still connected to high speed internet which in my area, is lacking outside of municipalities.

        1. That can be a problem. I’ve only had access to reasonably fast internet (and that’s DSL) for about a year and a half.

        1. By “yards” I mean cleared areas. I have a nice buffer of woods between me and any neighbors. Though I can see some of them from my house in the winter. Someday I want more land so I can avoid that.

    8. The city Tundra and I live in had an inspector a few years ago who would send out letters to us telling us that we can’t have visible garbage cans in front of our houses. You should put them behind your house, in your garage or pay for some silly screen.

      Every spring our neighborhood would get a spate of these letters and we’d all bitch and ignore them. It was still irksome because it meant we were paying the wage of someone who had nothing better to do than drive around looking for rouge garbage cans.

      The worse part of it is that if you read the regs we were all in compliance. Our cans weren’t in front of our house, they were on the side of the house. You could still see them from the street though and that was good enough for the inspector.

      A few of us were thinking of building screens that had a picture of garbage cans printed on the side of them. Because technically correct is the best kind of correct.

      1. looking for rouge garbage cans

        Oooh, fancy!

        They’re mostly just green or black here.

  50. looking for rouge garbage cans.

    They’re all green, here.

    1. Fucking squirrels!

      This post didn’t originally take, and then went to the wrong place.

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