Boehner Calls Cruz 'Lucifer,' San Bernardino Terrorist's Brother Arrested, Docs Suggest Vaping Helps Quit Smoking: P.M. Links

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Scott Shackford is an associate editor at Reason.

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  1. Former House Speaker John Boehner has described Sen. Ted Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh”…

    As long as he’s in the Bible somewhere.

    1. John

      Satan is a pretty bright and charming guy when he wants to be. You could do worse in a nominee.

      1. TheZeitgeist

        If Cruz is Lucifer, what in hell is Hillary?

        1. SugarFree

          Lilith

          1. Win.

          2. Chipper Morning Wood

            No. Lilith has sex appeal.

            1. SugarFree

              After being cursed, Lilith consorts only with unclean animals.

              (12) Her nobles shall be no more, nor shall kings be proclaimed there; all her princes are gone. (13) Her castles shall be overgrown with thorns, her fortresses with thistles and briers. She shall become an abode for jackals and a haunt for ostriches. (14) Wildcats shall meet with desert beasts, satyrs shall call to one another; There shall the Lilith repose, and find for herself a place to rest. (15) There the hoot owl shall nest and lay eggs, hatch them out and gather them in her shadow; There shall the kites assemble, none shall be missing its mate. (16) Look in the book of the LORD and read: No one of these shall be lacking, For the mouth of the LORD has ordered it, and His spirit shall gather them there. (17) It is He who casts the lot for them, and with His hands He marks off their shares of her; They shall possess her forever, and dwell there from generation to generation.

              Sounds like the wife of Bill Clinton to me.

              1. PapayaSF

                *SNORT*

          3. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            According to literature, she’ll “rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon [her] horns ten crowns, and upon [her] heads the name of blasphemy.”

            1. Chipper Morning Wood

              I rest my case.

            2. These masturbation euphemisms are now getting biblical!

            3. CatoTheChipper

              No that’s the dragon’s story in the Apocalypse.

              Hillary is the Whore of Babylon, Mother of Abominations.

      2. waffles

        My thoughts exactly. Ted Cruz is nowhere near as charismatic as the dark lord himself. He might be one of the lesser angels of hell like Gilbert Gottfried.

        1. Chipper Morning Wood

          Gilbert Gottfried is definitely some sort of guardian angel.

    2. Oh, come on – he’s Leisure Suit Larry in the flesh, not Beezlebub.

    3. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

      Hello.

    4. paranoid android

      Lucifer’ss reputation has been taking some lumps lately. First there was that god-awful TV show, now he’s being compared to Ted Cruz; poor guy can’t catch a break.

      1. Lee G

        I watched one episode of Dmaien. So freaking bad.

        1. Medical Physics Guy

          There was a more comedic show with the devil as a character a few years back, that was definitely watchable. Watched it with the wife. Too lazy to look up what it was called though.

          1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

            Reaper?

            I think Kevin Smith was involved and directed at least one episode.

      2. Lucifer is one of my favorite shows!

    5. Soave the Last Dance for Me

      Boehner’s trying (maybe not consciously) to get Cruz some of his outsider cred back.

      Boehner and Peter King’s hatred of Cruz isn’t deterring me from supporting him. I’m almost galvanized away from my apathy!

    6. St Lucifer of Cagliari

  2. A man apparently dressed like a panda threatened to blow up Fox’s Baltimore headquarters and was shot by police.

    Ling Ling! Where did we go wrong?

    1. Sad Panda.

      1. PapayaSF

        He should never have been given that Koran….

    2. PBR Streetgang

      Snow Bear is shocked and saddened.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        Ice Bear, dammit.

        (We Bare Bears is too damn funny)

        1. PBR Streetgang

          PBR is ashamed for effing up the reference.

          (We Bare Bears is awesome, but obviously my memory isn’t)

          1. jesse.in.mb

            We Bare Bears

            This sounds like it’ll be fun to Google at work with safe-search off.

            1. Chipper Morning Wood

              This makes me think that only bestiality fetishists can safely look at porn while at work.

              “I was just watching a nature documentary.”

            2. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

              Completely safe. Goofy Cartoon Channel show.

    3. paranoid android

      There’s an “eats, shoots, and leaves” joke in here somewhere…

      1. Chipper Morning Wood

        Triggered

      2. Tonio

        Nice.

      3. That kind of joke would cause downright pandemonium.

        1. This Machine

          It would certainly leave some of the commenters bamboozled.

        2. OneOut

          Where’s Swiss when you need him.

          1. Scarecrow & WoodChipper Repair

            He narrowed his gaze so much he entered Flatland.

    4. TheZeitgeist

      Guns Kung Fu

    5. I like that the untrained lobby person talk pandaman down and calmly walked him out where the highly trained sniper shot him. Good work Lou.

      1. Take em away, toys!

        1. Bake. A true Simpsons fan wouldn’t have flubbed that.

          1. Quiet you, or I’ll bust you down to sergeant so fast it’ll make your head spin.

    6. Ling Ling? Is that Kim Jong Un’s ringtone?

  3. Juvenile Bluster

    It’s bad enough that we get SugarFree’s comments. We can skip those. But that picture…

    1. Tonio

      ^This.

    2. Why isn’t he all orange?

      I mean, it’s obvious that he wears a thong in the sunbed.

      1. Jerryskids

        I was disappointed the pic doesn’t show him crying and the alt-text misspelled “Whaaaaaa!”

      2. Tonio

        I thought it was a sprayon tan.

        1. Only one way to find out. I nominate you.

          1. soflarider

            Seconded!

    3. bacon-magic

      Scott Shackford comes off the top ropes for the alt-text win! Go crazy folks, go craaazzzzy!

  4. North Korea’s latest ballistic missile test has reportedly failed, according to South Korean officials.

    Luckily it’s Opposite Day north of the 38th Parallel.

    1. Sevo

      Well, it IS rocket surgery…

    2. Medical Physics Guy

      What happens on Opposite Day in Bizarro World?

      1. We’ve all heard about that poison gas that turns people inside out…

  5. “The FBI has arrested the brother of San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook”

    Why? Youtube video?

    1. Tonio

      [golf clap]

    2. For marriage fraud and lying to investigators. It’s right there in the rest of the sentence.

      1. You lie. You got that info from his iPhone.

      2. He is such a dullard.

        1. It’s Dollard.

  6. Tonio

    OK, so they have these new water fountains at work and they have bottle-fillers, which is fine. What is hilarious is that when you use the bottle filler attachment there’s an LCD readout showing how many bottles have been filled (“Plastic Bottles Saved!!1!”). I’m dying to ask building management how much plastic, etc, is in each of those smug readouts and wouldn’t it have been more eco-friendly just to have the gooseneck faucets like the teachers used to use to fill their water glasses in school.

    1. You know that’s not the point.

      1. Tonio

        And people call me a killjoy.

        1. The first place I ever saw one a few years ago:

          Aquarium of the Pacific. That place is ground zero for eco-shaming.

          It tells you all you need to know.

        2. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

          Playa heads the local ‘The Tooth Fairy isn’t real’ chapter for kids.

          1. Mad Scientist

            What!? Since when is the tooth Fairy not real?

            1. The tooth fairy doesn’t visit Canada anymore. British teeth legacy and all.

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      But if you can’t be smug about how much better you are at protecting the environment than others, what good is it?

      I just wish my car had more tags on it that say it’s a hybrid. Someone on the left side of my car or in front won’t know I have a hybrid. That’s just wrong.

      1. Tonio

        ^This. Thank you.

      2. Medical Physics Guy

        Do I hear the George Clooney Oscar acceptance speech?

    3. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      The most important thing about being environmentally friendly is the smug feeling of superiority you get. It’s the same reason hybrids have a meter on the dashboard keeping you constantly informed as to your mpg.

      1. grrizzly

        I bet my motorcycle has better mileage than hybrids. I can out-smug eco-fundies even when I don’t compete with them.

        1. I’m amazed that in spite of CA’s gross overreach into everything else, lane-splitting is still legal.

          1. Enough About Palin

            I’m amazed that anyone would be stupid enough to lane-split. This, from someone who, while riding I-74 in Ohio at 120mph, thought to themselves: I wonder if I could drag my feet right now…

            1. Mad Scientist

              I lane split all the time. It’s scary as hell the first time you do it, but then you quickly realize it’s just not a big deal.

            2. Timon 19

              ?? There’s hardly any I-74 in Ohio.

              1. From the Indy border to I-75. Maybe 20 miles?

                1. Timon 19

                  Can’t be much more than that.

            3. Get a load of the Hell’s Satans president over here

          2. a better chipper

            Not that I want it illegal, but lane splitters really grind my gears.

            We drive to SD a lot of weekends and leave at the little one’s bedtime so she sleeps in the car so it’s easier on us. Every time though, in San Clemente when traffic comes to a near stand still, some a-hole on his way to Pendleton blasts through on a loud bike and wakes her up. Because we’re in traffic, the stars and stops make it hard to get her back to sleep.

            I spend the rest of my ride day-dreaming about opening my door on one of them. Not that I ever would, but it’s definitely the stuff of fantasy in my household.

            1. a better chipper

              Starts, not stars.

              It’s playoff time. So I subconsciously plug my team all the time now.

            2. Mad Scientist

              Almost all lane-splitting is done between the number 1 and 2 lanes. Move a lane to the right and your problem will disappear.

              1. Old Man With Candy

                Open your door at a strategic moment and your problem will disappear.

                1. jesse.in.mb

                  Only if he leaves the child safety seat unlatched…

          3. Trials and Trippelations

            Lane-splitting and selling liquor in the grocery store are two of the best shockers for east coasters

            1. Which is why I encourage them to not move here. Go home kooks!

            2. jesse.in.mb

              Downside is how ragey I feel whenever I want to get booze in other states and it’s not right next to my groceries, or in my gas stations.

              1. Trials and Trippelations

                Which is topped by states that do not allow the sale of alcohol on Sundays (ahem, Minnesota).

            3. grrizzly

              I actually find selling liquor in pharmacies even more bizarre.

              1. jesse.in.mb

                I actually find selling liquor in pharmacies even more bizarre.

                I wonder if that’s just a legacy of Prohibition. Or do you mean RiteAid/Walgreens type places?

                1. grrizzly

                  Yes, I meant places like RiteAid and CVS. I don’t think even in Canada their CVSs sell any alcohol. But in Russia or anywhere in Europe a pharmacy is a place to purchase medicines. That you can buy a bottle of vodka in a pharmacy was a cultural shock.

                  1. jesse.in.mb

                    Ah, gotcha. I know that some alcohol was tolerated under prohibition for “medicinal purposes” which is why I mentioned that. I have a hard time thinking of Walgreens/CVS/RiteAid strictly as pharmacies though. They seem to split the difference between a gas station and a convenience store and a target/k-mart.

                    I wouldn’t expect the little neighborhood pharmacies to have booze in them though.

            4. Rhywun

              On the plus side, there are probably more liquor stores than grocery stores here in NYC. There are at least three within a couple blocks of me.

              1. jesse.in.mb

                I just remember having to exit a Trader Joe’s only to re-enter around the corner to shop at Trader Joe’s Wine Emporium or whatever and finding that bizarre.

              2. grrizzly

                Rhywun, where do you guys buy bear? Liquor stores are not allowed to sell it and convenience stores don’t stock anything better than bud.

                1. Rhywun, where do you guys buy bear?

                  What you did there, I see

                2. jesse.in.mb

                  where do you guys buy bear

                  I’m gonna go out on a limb and suggest that the great state of New York frowns on that regardless of how it’s interpreted.

                  1. grrizzly

                    I bought mine in Montana and then smuggled it to MA, if anybody cares. But yes, I could never figure out where to buy drinkable beer in NYC.

                    1. Rhywun

                      Beer is sold in every bodega and grocery store. And the variety is a lot better than it used to be.

                  2. Rhywun

                    I’m not into bears. We’ve been over this.

                  3. mr simple

                    You’ve obviously never stopped at Eagle bar when in NYC.

    4. Lee G

      You can’t put a price on smug

      1. jesse.in.mb

        You can’t put a price on smug

        Market failure?

        1. Lee G

          It’s certainly not a failure of government. Must be capitalism’s fault.

          1. a better chipper

            Well yeah, they’re like hiding the battery technology that make electric cars like super cheap and viable. Big oil, man.

            *puffs* Yeah, Cuba’s got a vaccine for cancer too, you know that?

      2. Dunno, how much does a Prius go for these days?

        1. Lee G

          I like to think of marketing analysts sitting around a table deciding what premium they can charge for hipster smug. Apple probably has a patented formula locked away somewhere.

          1. The iSmug?

    5. Pan Zagloba

      Amazingly, we have the same thing at my work! But we’re housed at a university, so it is less surprising…

    6. robc

      Do we work at same place?

  7. Derp-o-Matic 5000

    The owner of the Raiders says he wants to move the team to Las Vegas and says he’s willing to spend $500 million for a new stadium.

    What he left out was that he meant $500M of Nevada taxpayers’ money.

    1. The other owners will vote no. I can’t remember the specifics, but Las Vegas is considered a TV market for Southern CA.

      1. Juvenile Bluster

        If they vote no, it won’t be because of that. They were perfectly fine with the Raiders moving to LA (they have an option to do that if the Chargers don’t move) which would put two teams in LA and one in SD.

        1. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

          Can someone confirm: Didn’t the L.A. Raiders *technically* play in Anaheim?

          1. That was the Rams.

            The Raiders played in the LA Coliseum, right in the heart of the ghetto, so their fans could walk to the games.

            1. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

              Oh yeah. That’s right. I got confused.

              As you were.

              1. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

                But the Rams did play in Ana.

      2. TheZeitgeist

        NFL also hates Vegas because of gambling/sportsbooks. Which makes the London fetish all the stranger.

        1. a better chipper

          What does the NFL not like about gambling, exactly? Is it just the possibility of having games be fixed or is it something else?

          Especially with the direct (if not, just-barely-arms-length) relationship with daily fantasy football websites, I don’t get it.

          1. dschwar

            It’s controlling the image of the Shield. So far the NFL has never had to go through something like the Black Sox scandal or the Tim Donaghy issues. An actual gambling or point-shaving scandal would create a story the NFL could not control, plus they would lose most of the people who are tracking their fantasy football teams. You don’t see much in the way of fantasy tracking for pro wrestling.

            1. BigT

              Gambling gives them a concussion.

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      Probably a lot more than that.

    3. Rhywun

      Try $750M – on top of his $500M.

  8. The House Armed Services Committee voted today to require women to register for the military draft.

    Not so Selective Service now, is it?

    1. No fatties.

    2. This actually angers me. It used to men who were the government’s bitches. Now it’s women too.

      I wonder what the reactions of those with daughters is.

      1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        The hurt-merchants have complained for years that it was unfair that women couldn’t be in the combat arms. The Light-Bringer has fixed that, so women absolutely need to stand up for selective service as well.

        1. Gaear Grimsrud

          Justin case there’s a shortage of cannon fodder.

        2. BigT

          How about a little draft affirmative action to make up for decades of male only drafts!

    3. Equality!

  9. BiMonSciFiCon

    Doctors in the United Kingdom have recommended e-cigarettes and vaping as a way to help quit smoking.

    Nope, it’s a gateway drug. Water is a gateway drug, too. Ever know a pothead who didn’t drink water? Class I substance, minimum.

    1. Mad Scientist

      Di-hydrogen monoxide is a curse on all of us!

    2. phenryinohio

      Ever know someone who was an addicted and hadn’t breathed air first? Someone who got lung cancer and didn’t breath fresh air? Pick anything bad. They inhaled air first!

      This crime, this gateway. It needs to be stopped. and it needs to be not just a federal law. The United Damn Nations needs to take it up.

  10. …and said he had never “worked with a more miserable son of a bitch” in his life.

    So Boehner is Team Trump, eh? (Or is it Team Hillary?)

    1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      It’s identity politics. Orange people just supporting the orange man.

      1. thrakkorzog

        Oompa loompas gotta stick together, the Wonka’s always trying to keep them down.

      2. Tonio

        You know who else supported the Orange Men?

        1. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

          Syracuse Alumni?

        2. dschwar

          The Dutch?

    2. Medical Physics Guy

      Which retired cretin’s opinion should I care less about: John Boehner, or Mitt Romney. That’s a tough one.

    3. SIV

      Boehner is TEAM #NeverTrump. The establishment keeps trying the Br’er Rabbit strategy. Then they fuck it up with a Lindsey Graham endorsement or a big Cruz ad-buy from a Jeb! PAC.

  11. waffles

    Former House Speaker John Boehner has described Sen. Ted Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh” and said he had never “worked with a more miserable son of a bitch” in his life.

    Now I’m torn. My desire for world chaos leads me to support Trump. But if we can get some verification on this whole Lucifer deal then I might shift for the fallen angel. Then again, Hillary did promise more blood for the blood god, which is nice. Oh damn, I wish I could just elect them all!

    1. Lee G

      Oh stop waffling and make up your mind

    2. Shirley Knott

      Cthulhu for president. Why vote for the lesser evil?

    3. PapayaSF

      Cruz said that he’s never actually worked with Boehner.

  12. This Machine

    Re: The Picture

    What the actual living unholy fuck, Shackford!

    *reaches for jug of mind bleach*

    1. Tonio

      The staff have been trolling us extra-hard of late.

  13. The FBI has arrested the brother of San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook and two others on allegations of marriage fraud and lying to investigators.

    And yet Kenny Chesney still breathes the air of freedom.*

    *That would have made you laugh ten years ago.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      I was sitting at a bar and some country song was playing on the TV, I had no idea what Kenny Chesney looked like and asked my companion when E.T. got into country music. That did not go over well. I’d probably still hit it.

      1. I’d probably still hit it.

        Finding out that you’d hit E.T. tells me all I need to know…

        1. Hamster of Doom

          If E.T. had a Wrangler ass, he could always put the hat over E.T.’s face.

        2. jesse.in.mb

          Whoa dude, way to be speciesist. It’s mostly that Chesney looks reasonably ok most of the time and that particular video he looked bright orange and had something going on with his neck that made it look segmented. I hope that he badly injured everyone involved with that video…

  14. Twitter named that fat SJW who was freaking out at Christina Hoff Sommer’s speech ‘Trigglypuff’ and they have not been kind to her.

    1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      That’s harsh. If all idiot SJWs were subjected to such ridicule, the world would be a better place.

      1. Twitter-mob mentality is pretty awful no matter who the target is. Stop making me feel bad for her.

        1. If you’re not on Twitter, and you’re the target of a Twitter Mob, does… it… make a sound.. I had something for this.

          Gimme a sec.

          Does it *fuck* matter?

          1. It does not fuck matter, no. I am just uncomfortable when large, anonymous groups gang up on someone, even if that person is awful.

            1. How is “Prepper6969” anonymous?

              1. You make a fine point.

    2. I only saw the dark photo of her with her arms seemingly in the air like a three-year-old throwing a tantrum, and my first thought was, “It’s Pat!”

      1. Jerryskids

        Don’t lie – your first thought was Numa Numa just like the rest of us.

    3. Is she on Tinder? Asking for a friend.

      1. Soave the Last Dance for Me

        John?

    4. bacon-magic

      If we had avatar pictures on here…her tantrum would be mine. (with a bacon rainbow above it)

      1. jesse.in.mb

        If you use Reasonable it’ll pull gravatar photos from linked email addresses I think…There should be a picture of me looking surly while holding a crepe with track lighting behind me…It was a strange time in my life.

        1. I thought you were at Chipotle

        2. grrizzly

          If you use Reasonable it’ll pull gravatar photos from linked email addresses I think…

          What? I use reasonable, and I see no pictures.

          1. You gotta go into options and check the gravatar one, but don’t. Other than jesse’s they’re all just snowflakey, geometric, pattern things.

            1. jesse.in.mb

              Yes, but mine is absolutely worth it. I’m very handsome.

              Warty has the hypnotoad I think. There used to be more before that weird Reasonable failing when having an email address linked to your account fucked everything up.

              1. /Yes, but mine is absolutely worth it. I’m very handsome./

                Jesse considers his use of Hotmail to be just truthful advertising.

                1. jesse.in.mb

                  That’s the first time that someone’s expressed anything other than uncomprehending horror at my use of hotmail.

            2. grrizzly

              Okay, I turned it on and got tired of the stupid geometric things right away. If it displayed only gravatar photos, it would be alright, but…. Already turned it off.

              1. What part of “but don’t” didn’t you understand?

                1. jesse.in.mb

                  What part of “but don’t” didn’t you understand?

                  Look at you underestimating the primal pull of crepes, scruffy men and track lighting.

        3. bacon-magic

          I have firefox and ever since windows 10 reasonable will not work. (I’m semi-computer literate mind you)

          1. jesse.in.mb

            I think Reasonable is only for Chrome (and Chrome-compliant browsers: Opera, Chromium, Dragon) and should work again (there was an update after some recent trouble). You could also try bdhr’s excellent fascr, which is for Firefox. It can be a touch fiddly compared to Reasonable, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a breeze.

            1. bacon-magic

              Thanks Jesse, may your date be a hottie.

            2. …and for Safari?

              I’m loving the Macbook, most of the time anyway. I miss Windows NT tho. 🙁

              1. Timon 19

                Windows NT? Dafuq? 1999 called. They want their singer and their OS back.

                1. Yeah I know it’s old now but it was the Best Windows Ever!

                  1. jesse.in.mb

                    I was a 2000 user for way longer than was appropriate. WinXP FLP was incredibly slick though.

                2. Hyperbolical

                  Wasn’t Windows NT significantly an IBM operating system? The scuttlebut has it that, before their divorce, MS would develop one operating system version and IBM the next. Thus we got the acceptable/unacceptable cycle. of DOS and then Windows versions until they split circa Windows 3.51.

                  1. I’ve heard the same rumor and would love to give ibm the credit but just simply can’t on the formidable evidence of OS2 warp…

              2. jesse.in.mb

                …and for Safari?

                Only my condolences.

              3. If you can get user-scripts running on the browser (ie greasemonkey), you should be able to use greasonable.

          2. Timon 19

            windows 10

            There’s your problem.

            1. Rhywun

              I thought 10 was going to fix everything that sucked about 8 – only it didn’t and in fact got worse.

              1. gaoxiaen

                I used XP until Bill Gates figured that it’s time to fuck up everyone’s computers to make them buy the newest and worst version of what they already had.

    5. This Machine

      Holy shit, this is hilarious.

      “I need fat acceptance because peecha chakka no wookie bonowa tweepie solo? Ho ho ho ho hooooo….”

      1. Mad Scientist

        Is she single?

        (Asking for John.)

      2. I award you with one ‘HA!’

      3. AlmightyJB

        Someone should warn Tokyo.

    6. This is the best biography ever.

      1. Haha, charade you are

        Cue this guy.

      2. I take back everything I said to Paul upthread – that woman deserves the world’s mockery.

        1. PapayaSF

          Thank you. I worried about you for a while.

          1. *hugs*

  15. So, I got a call from the vet. The biopsy says my dog has a nasal carcinoma. 🙁

    I’m going to meet with them in a couple of weeks to see what, if anything, we can do about it.

    He’s doing OK right now, but I have no idea how long we have.

    1. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

      Sorry to hear that. Good luck.

    2. Mad Scientist

      Sorry to hear that, tarran. Throw lots of sticks and “drop” lots of steak on the floor while you can.

      1. Enough About Palin

        ^^THIS^^ (and best of luck to tarran)

    3. Tonio

      I’m sorry, t. Wishing the best for you all.

    4. waffles

      On a brighter note. After watching and waiting since last summer for the right opportunity I adopted a dog from my local SPCA. He’s a five year old 90lb Labrador sporting a jet black coat and a kind doofusy demeanor. He does have some abandonment issues mostly involving car rides, but after 5 days in my home he has adjusted well. So eager to please, not especially bright, but highly trainable. He’s going to make a fine companion once I get his body and mind into shape. I spy on him with a webcam while at work, he’s a good boy, for now…

      1. Speaking of black labs, when I was parking my car at the supermarket today I saw a lady in a Subaru Forester with a black lab sticking its head out the window. Am I a bad person for thinking there should have been another woman in the passenger seat? 😉

        1. waffles

          No. But Subaru’s are fairly common vehicles. Heck I drive one and I only sometimes identify as a lesbian.

          1. Not the Forester, though.

            (I drive what used to be Mom’s 2004 Subaru Legacy.)

            1. Not the Forester, though.

              Ted, the Forester is abundant in your area, or at least around your area. They have dog cages in the cars!

        2. They are the official car of the gay and lesbian community.

          1. Mad Scientist

            No, gay guys drive Miatas.

          2. It’s call Lezbaru for a reason.

          3. waffles

            I have miata too, wink wink.

            1. I have miata too, wink wink.

              ‘Sup? I think…

            2. jesse.in.mb

              *has bartender send a beer over to Mr. Bonus waffles*

    5. waffles

      I know what it is like to euthanize a cancer-pained dog. I’m sorry. Enjoy the time you have left and cherish that bond you have fostered.

      1. Tonio

        ^This. Well said.

      2. bacon-magic

        ^me too, well said.

    6. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      Sorry to hear that, tarran. That sucks.

    7. My dog is in the exact same boat right now. Apparently the soft tissues in the nose are cancer prone areas for dogs and cats. My dog’s case has been slow going, steroids apparently slow the progression of the disease but it causes kidney problems and causes the dog to piss on the floor. He’s been like this for about a year and a half now, but that nose is starting to look pretty gnarly and I don’t think he’ll make it another year before we have to put him down.

    8. Sorry to hear it.

    9. Sorry to hear tarran.
      Make him happy.

    10. Timon 19

      Sorry to hear it. We had to put our Brittany down in Feb. after she suddenly started showing signs of multiple organ failure. We had her just under 4 years (she was probably 8 when we rescued her as a heartworm survivor).

    11. SugarFree

      Aw, man. That’s terrible.

    12. bacon-magic

      My thoughts and prayers are with you and your doggie.

    13. DEG

      I’m sorry. Best wishes.

    14. Haha, charade you are

      Sorry to hear about that. Hopefully its treatable.

    15. Yusef Adama

      My dog Dubz Died in my arms last night from pneumonia/ heart failure, very devastating for my Family, 9 1/2 year old Rotty.

      1. Mad Scientist

        Damn, is everyone’s dog dying? I’m going to go give my dogs some extra hugs. Sorry about your Rotty, Yusef. Losing a good dog is amazingly shitty.

      2. deepspeed

        I know that pain all too well. My condolences to you and yours.

      3. DEG

        Sorry

      4. BigT

        Wow! That’s rough. I still feel the pain of having to put our Scruffy to sleep last summer. Tears are ok. Feel for you.

        Dogs are great – loving, loyal, and no lip.

  16. Aloysious

    For those who haven’t had enough transgendered bathroom panic:

    Would You Let This Girl Use the Men’s Bathroom?

    Meg Bitton’s daughter has blonde curly hair, likes to wear makeup, and dresses in tank tops and tight jeans. So she wants to know: would you let someone who looks like her into a men’s bathroom? Probably not. The mother shared a glamorous shot of her child on Facebook, asking her friends and followers that very question.

    snip

    The caption goes on to explain that the photo is of Corey Maison and she is transgender and the photo has been edited to reflect the way she would like to be seen.

    Though she was born a boy, the 16-year-old has known she was transgender for many years. Even at age two she recalls getting a truck for Christmas while one of her sisters received a Barbie and wanting nothing to do with the truck. She feels like she lived the first decade of her life in a body that didn’t belong to her. Six months ago, her mother surprised her with a gift of her first dose of hormones.

    Safe For Work

    1. Lee G

      Though she was born a boy, the 16-year-old has known she was transgender for many years. Even at age two she recalls getting a truck for Christmas while one of her sisters received a Barbie and wanting nothing to do with the truck.

      Case closed

      1. Medical Physics Guy

        Why do you hate science?

    2. Tonio

      Given the apparent age, I’d be afraid of getting charged with…something merely for being in the same room with her. Because hysteria cuts both ways.

    3. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      Though she was born a boy, the 16-year-old has known she was transgender for many years. Even at age two she recalls getting a truck for Christmas while one of her sisters received a Barbie and wanting nothing to do with the truck. She feels like she lived the first decade of her life in a body that didn’t belong to her. Six months ago, her mother surprised her with a gift of her first dose of hormones.

      Jesus F. Christ, these people are nuts. This movement takes probably the most narrow-minded and simplistic view of gender roles I’ve even encountered. It was my understanding that the whole separation of “gender” and “sex” into different concepts was the idea that there was nothing inherently “female” about, say, the color pink or wearing a dress, but rather, that was what women in certain societies did and it should be perfectly fine for a male to like pink or a female to not like it.

      I feel like these morons completely twist that. “Oh, I like trucks and not Barbie, therefore I am a girl.” What the fuck?

      1. Hamster of Doom

        Just as soon as we get our opposable thumbs on an interesting concept, the rest of our chimp brains hijack it for a drunken joyride down the interstate.

        1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF7OnW4XDck

      2. PapayaSF

        Good point.

    4. Drake

      Huge future ahead of him/her in tranny porn.

    5. Enough About Palin

      Would You Let This Girl Use the Men’s Bathroom?

      I’d have no problem with it.

    6. Steve G

      *glances around*
      Would …. ?

    7. AlmightyJB

      “Six months ago, her mother surprised her with a gift of her first dose of hormones.”

      Update us mom when you buy her a vajaja.

    8. Rhywun

      I thought the relevant question was “would women let someone who looks like her into the ladies’ room”?

      Because men in my experience generally don’t give a shit.

  17. A TSA official testified that he was told to racially profile people at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport.

    Is this better or worse for security theater?

    1. Pope Jimbo

      I think it is almost as bad as stealing a link from a prized commenter and trying to pass it off as their own.

  18. BiMonSciFiCon

    A TSA official testified that he was told to racially profile people at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport.

    How do you racially profile when everyone is white?

    1. A lot of Muslim there. Which isn’t a race.

      1. Tonio

        But a lot of them are Arabs, which is a race. Yes, I know that there are many Christian Arabs, particularly in the US.

        1. But a lot of them are Arabs, which is a race.

          It’s more accurate to say that Arabs are what we call Haplogroup J.

        2. Enough About Palin

          Yes, I know that there are many Christian Arabs

          Not aas many as there used to be.

        3. Gaear Grimsrud

          According the federal government’s anti discrimination statutes, Arabs are white. Hispanics, on the other hand, are a protected race even if they’re German Nazi immigrants from south America. I am not bullshitting.

      2. Drake

        A TSA drone doesn’t know the difference.

        1. Tonio

          They have drones now?

    2. Timon 19

      Not too many white Somalis.

      1. FIG. 1 (2 views). A Somali from the tribe of Mahmud Grade, British Somaliland. This Somali represents the closest approximation to a white man found among his people. The extreme narrowness of his head and face, the straight nasal profile, and the prominence of his chin, mark him as less negroid than many of his fellows. At the same time his skin is nearly black, his hair curly but not frizzy. The type to which this Somali belongs is ancient in East Africa, as shown by the excavations of Leakey in Kenya. It is a specialized, locally differentiated Mediterranean racial form.”

        –Carleton S. Coon. The Races of Europe. MacMillan, 1939

        1. PapayaSF

          At the same time his skin is nearly black

          Not sure what point you were trying to make here….

          1. Old Man With Candy

            He was calling Somalis coons.

            1. gaoxiaen

              +1 colored spade

          2. Sometimes I think that HM’s “point” is merely to inform.

  19. jesse.in.mb

    The owner of the Raiders says he wants to move the team to Las Vegas and says he’s willing to spend $500 million for a new stadium.

    As long as it’s not to LA…

  20. Aloysious

    Scott: That picture and alt-text is priceless.

    +1 belly laugh.

    1. It is just going to get worse if you encourage him.

  21. Sevo

    NPR?

    “What can a man with a plain name who lived over 200 years ago tell us about life today? Who was The Real Adam Smith? And why should we care? In this two-hour, two-part documentary, Swedish author, commentator and Cato Senior Fellow Johan Norberg explores Adam Smith’s life, his ideas about morality and economics, and how the concepts he discussed in his books and lectures are still relevant today. ? 2016 / 2 episodes @ 1 hr. ea.”
    http://freetochoose.tv/adam_sm…..04dd5ce5ca

  22. OT. We had to put my dog down the other day. Was playing fetch and took a fall, breaking his spine. He couldn’t move his rear legs. He pulled himself out of the grass to where we found him.
    He’s now buried by a large rock in front of the house, pointed toward the mailbox, so he knows when that punk ass mailman comes by.

    1. Mad Scientist

      I’m really sorry to hear that, but glad he was doing one of his favorite things when it happened.

      1. He wouldn’t stop. He was obsessive on his fetch.

    2. John

      I am sorry. Wow does it suck to lose a dog.

    3. Tonio

      Sorry, DOOMco. This has been a bad pet news day, here. Nice choice of burial location.

      1. Enough About Palin

        My five-years dead shepherd is buried in a coffin five feet deep right next to the grill. I get flowers for the house every week. I take the week-old flowers out of the vases and lay them on her grave.

        This is her in better times.

    4. Oh man, I’m so sorry!

      At least it was quick. 🙁

      1. There’s no easy way. Bomont went out doing his favorite thing though. There’s something nice in that.

    5. Timon 19

      Ugh. Sorry to hear that.

    6. grrizzly

      What a sad PM links thread: first, tarran’s dog and now yours.

      1. Yusef Adama

        And my Dubz Doggy last night ,a 9 yr old Rotty

        1. grrizzly

          Sorry, Yusef.

    7. DEG

      Sorry.

  23. Aloysious

    For the preppers out there:

    Montana county wants to dispose of Cold War commode kits

    BOZEMAN, Mont. (AP) ? A Montana county plans to dispose of more than three dozen Cold War-era sanitation kits meant to provide makeshift bathroom facilities for fallout shelters.

    Forty-two fiberboard drums labeled “SK IV Sanitation Kit” were shipped to Gallatin County in January 1964, the Bozeman Daily Chronicle (http://bit.ly/24mUN5C) reported.

    The kits contain a toilet seat, commode liner, 10 rolls of toilet paper that people were cautioned to “USE SPARINGLY,” along with commode chemical. The seat fits on top of the lined drum.

    The kits are a reminder of “the subtle but real fear of a nuclear World War III,” said Shane Hope, an archaeologist in the county’s Historic Preservation Board.

    After county officials determined they didn’t need the kits any more, they found out the Department of Defense didn’t want them back. The Federal Emergency Management Agency had no use for them, either.

    1. Lee G

      USE SPARINGLY

      I laughed out loud

    2. Tonio

      Send them to Venezuela!

    3. There’s plenty of updated kits on the market that use the basic 5 gallon bucket. I’d see this as being of interest only to Army surplus collector-types. Like the folks who buy old K-Rations.

      1. A five gallon bucket gonna fill up alot quicker than a 55 gallon drum. Where you gonna dump your bucket when it’s full?

        1. In another bucket. Do I have to think of everything, people?

      2. Migrant Log Chipper

        If you do float trips on many popular rivers you have to shit in a bucket these days and pack it out with you. So there are a few different systems around like that.

  24. John, I want to recommend a blog that I think you’ll enjoy. It’s not regularly updated, but the articles rarely disappoint.

    The Pointman Blog

    I was reading this story when I thought of you.

    Why do you come here? We’re never going to get better.

    The only one crying out desperately for volunteers was a once a week club for mentally handicapped adults which was run on a shoestring by a knackered out and very cranky old priest who liked a drink or three, but never once in his life took his eye off the ball. The schoolmarmish librarian who maintained the list of local charities gave me the you really don’t want to go there look, which piqued my interest.
    All you had to do was turn up and be sociable but most volunteers were put off by the prospect of being near potential axe murderers, or a grumpy old bastard of a priest who had absolutely no time for do-gooders on an ego trip.
    It was the unwanted ugly duckling of the local charity landscape. I’d roar up on an old beezer starfire motorbike that leaked more oil than the Torrey Canyon and bounce in there a bit over large and enjoyed having a laugh with the loonies, because the whole place needed some light-hearted tomfoolery, with me being Tom the Fool. I’ve never had much in the way of a big ego and occasionally enjoy being a performance tart.

    1. The priest used to tell me off regularly for calling them things like loonies and it was part of the devilment that I’d say things like that just loudly enough and within his earshot so the loonies could enjoy the resulting telling off I got. They knew I was just being naughty and enjoyed the pure badness of me being a cheeky chappie standing up to the big boss. The priest cottoned on in the end but he was too serious to be anything other than crap at improv, so that was the finish of that particular line of fun.
      After a few initial arcing sparks between us, he and I formed one of those quiet friendships.
      At the end of the night after we’d stacked away the tables and chairs and there was only the two of us left, we’d sit in the refectory together and talk about things like faith and the possibility of redemption over a couple of glasses of his brandy. It was that rarity ? youth and old age in honest conversation and gaining an understanding of each other.
      But in vino there was only a reserved veritas between us, because I wouldn’t accept his offer of taking my confession, and he’d never tell me what made him such an angry man. Quid pro quo. Betrayed youth and a seething anger at everything is at end of day something which’d take some years to cool down before it could even be approached.

      1. I admired his tarnished but still steadfast belief, scarred though it was, and he feared for me because of my destroyed faith in any notion of God, and that somehow made us both Brothers in Christ, but a Christ whose teachings I no longer could believe in. When it’s a true thing, it really doesn’t have to make much if any sense. I never said it to him, because I didn’t realise it at the time, but he was a comfort.
        Mentally handicapped is a very broad category; it’s a spectrum really. There was a girl in her late teens who was in the worst band of that spectrum ? just short of passing for someone “normal” but was painfully aware of how very close she’d come. The square root of nine equals something stuff was always going to be fleetingly beyond her, but the raw human needs were still there. All she wanted was a kind and loving husband, a couple of children to wrap her own love around and the simple family thing, but knew she’d probably never have it.
        I’d said no as gently as possible to her advances and she’d accepted that. We were just friends now.
        We’d always play a game of draughts which I’d taught her. As she was hovering to play a wooden disc and in that quiet offhand way people pose a question which is important to them, she asked “Why do you come here? We’re never going to get better.”

        1. That one came deep out of left field and caught me totally off guard. The loonies, like children inside adult bodies, asked very direct questions which cut real down deep into you and never mind the quick. I came up with something lame but passable in the way of an answer which I think she didn’t quite believe, probably because I didn’t either, but it was a question I thought about for some time afterwards.
          If you’ve ever been on the margins, you know how it feels to be alone, friendless and isolated. Abandoned. Even in the nicest most polite way, you’re an embarrassment to your own people, and you know it. If you’ve ever been in a hopeless situation, a bit of longed for hope can keep you going until the situation might change, and that indeed had happened to me.

          1. John

            Wow. Thanks.

        2. IndyEleven

          Thanks dick. Between the dead and dying dogs and now this, I think I’ll just go drink myself into a stupor now.

          1. Rhywun

            Be honest – that was probably going to happen anyway.

    2. Lee G

      But in vino there was only a reserved veritas between us

      *furrows brow*

  25. SugarFree

    Animal Planet’s ‘Monster Week’ Schedule Includes a Special on Yetis

    STEVE SMITH BE IN STEVE SMITH BUNK

    1. We already have a “monster week” winner:

      Theodore “Sasquatch” Edwards, 49, was arraigned Wednesday in Orange County Court and pleaded not guilty to an indictment charging him with 33 felonies, including first- and second-degree kidnapping, first-degree rape, first-degree criminal sexual act and sex trafficking; and two misdemeanor counts of unlawful imprisonment and assault.

  26. Hamster of Doom

    The FBI has arrested the brother of San Bernardino terrorist Syed Farook and two others on allegations of marriage fraud and lying to investigators.

    If the best they can come up with is “we don’t like why yer brother got married and you ought to have known that”, it sounds like the guy knew bupkiss.

  27. Personal OT:

    The woman at the front desk is wearing a dress with a slit up the side, and some awesome open-toed high-heeled shoes.

    This is a good day.

    1. Tonio

      and some awesome open-toed high-heeled shoes

      Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself you’re straight, Paul. (kidding)

      1. Her sense of style is totes fab.

      2. I make NO apologies for noticing women’s fashion. And even describing those fashion choices in industry-correct terms. But what’s in my thoughts when those flared hips go by, flashing thigh, calf and manicured toes with each step makes me 110% straight.

        1. This Machine

          110% straight? So you tried being gay and you realized you didn’t like it?

          1. Everyone’s tried being gay. Some are just better than others.

            Amirite, fellas?

        2. John

          Few things make me happier than a slit up the side of a skirt or a blouse with a lot of space between the buttons on the right woman.

      3. You just keep telling yourself you’re straight, Paul.

        You never heard of a foot/shoe fetish?

        1. I don’t have a shoe fetish. I have a great appreciations for shoes, and women who wear them well. There’s a difference.

          1. paranoid android

            Sure, whatever you say, Tarantino.

            1. I’ll admit it’s extra nice if she keeps them on…

              1. Paul porn.

                Probably NSFW.

                1. Saving that link for later.

      4. Bobarian (Would Chip Her)

        Foot fetishes aren’t gay… they’re just creepy.

        1. Mad Scientist

          What would possibly make you say that?

        2. Then I guess you will not appreciate the a to Wikifeet, the collaborative celebrity feet website?

        3. Foot fetishes aren’t gay… they’re just creepy.

          All fetishes are “creepy,” you freak.

    2. PICS OR GTFO.

      1. bacon-magic

        2nded.

      2. Ska

        seconded

  28. Hamster of Doom

    The owner of the Raiders says he wants to move the team to Las Vegas and says he’s willing to spend $500 million for a new stadium.

    How much does he want everyone else to pay?

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Breakdown of the pledged financing for a domed $1.4 billion stadium in Las Vegas:

      ? $500 million from Raiders
      ($200 million of that from NFL loan).

      ? $150 million from Sands Corp.

      ? $750 million from tourism taxes*.

      *Nevada Legislature would have to approve diverting some state room-tax funds.

      1. waffles

        The state of Nevada and then the Burning Man Org just soaked us for some 7% of the ticket sale price. It’s obscene. The event, while spectacular, may indeed have outgrown itself. The standard disclaimer is that every burner becomes jaded after a few years when utopia lives up to it’s literal meaning.

      2. esteve7

        Tell them to fuck off. “Willing to pay”, what a fucking joke. Build your own stadium

        You know I’m willing to pay 1/4 for my house and tax money from you to pay the rest

  29. Aloysious

    Pittsburgh Man:

    Cops: Fleeing man jumps into river, runs naked from hospital

    PITTSBURGH (AP) ? Police say a Pittsburgh man driving a stolen car ditched the vehicle and jumped into a river to escape from authorities. Police say after being captured, he fled naked from a hospital and hid inside a dumpster.

    Police first chased 30-year-old James Edward Williams when a detective saw him driving a stolen car Wednesday morning. Police say Williams abandoned the car and ran through a recycling yard, where he pushed a steel shelving unit onto an officer. They say he later tried to swim away in the Ohio River.

    His foot got tangled in a barge’s rope and he was taken to Allegheny General Hospital. Later Wednesday, he ran naked from the hospital and was found hiding in a garbage container.

    Online court records don’t list an attorney for Williams.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Would be better with pics.

  30. Ken Shultz

    “Former House Speaker John Boehner has described Sen. Ted Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh” and said he had never “worked with a more miserable son of a bitch” in his life.”

    I have never wanted to vote for Cruz more than I do right now at this very moment.

    1. Juvenile Bluster

      Even more than when Peter King said he’d swallow cyanide if Cruz got the nomination?

      1. Ken Shultz

        Yes.

        That the Tea Party deposed Boehner is perhaps their finest achievement, and Boehner’s seething rage at being deposed helps to soothe my aching heart.

        That’s for TARP Boehner.

        . . . and for crying like a girl on camera.

      2. Tonio

        Did he say that? Really?

        1. Juvenile Bluster

          He said it. Then he cruelly took it back, the big meanie.

      3. John

        If that didn’t make you a Cruz supporter, you don’t have a heart.

        1. SIV

          It’s a Cruz endorsement. Boehner knows how hated he is so he’s trying to give Cruz an anti-establishment pop.

          1. John

            Pretty much.

            1. SIV

              Boehner may actually feel that but he never would’ve said it unless he thought it would help Cruz.

    2. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      Yeah, but Lena Dunham promises she’ll move to Canada if Trump is elected, so I’m torn.

      1. Tonio

        Proggies always threaten that, but Dunham probably has the cash to actually do it. I hope someone hounds her on that if the occasion arises.

    3. ^THIS.

      My primary reason for wanting Cruz in the White House is his amicus brief in the DC v Heller case, even though I disagree with him on some stuff.

      Hillary is going to try her best to roll back the Second Amendment.

      Trump is, as always, an unpredictable a$$ clown.

      1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

        The one area I actually trust Cruz is court appointments. He’s a smarmy dickbag, but I think he’d put up judges who actually mostly are more likely to stick to the words of the Constitution.

      2. John

        If honestly would rather seem him on the Supreme Court. He is really perfect for the job. Rather than four or eight years as President, i would like to see him spend 30 years torturing and trolling Progs from the bench.

    4. Jerryskids

      I’m a little puzzled I haven’t heard more about Cruz’ pick of Fiorina. I assumed he announced a VP pick at all to flog his campaign a little and picked Fiorina specifically to boost his chances in the Cali primary (won’t do him any good in the general) and – more importantly – I figured Cruz figured Trump couldn’t help but take the bait by insulting Fiorina in the most derogatory sexist manner imaginable and thereby upping Trump’s already yuuge negatives. It’s what a weasel like Cruz would do, at any rate. It wouldn’t surprise me if Cruz himself didn’t arrange the endorsement from Boehner.

      1. thrakkorzog

        I figured he went with Fiorina because she can attack Hillary without being called sexist.

      2. CE

        You’re overestimating Fiorina’s popularity in California.

        1. John

          The tech community hates her and the rest of the state are either insane leftists or have no idea who she is.

          1. PapayaSF

            Pretty much.

      3. Ken Shultz

        Yeah, if you want to make a news splash, it has to involve Trump in some way.

        If Cruz really wanted to make a splash, he should have announced that Trump was his pick for Vice President.

        1. lap83

          I’m way too late to this thread but I loled

  31. esteve7

    How about the Raiders fuck off and play at UNLV (Sam Boyd) Stadium, instead? You don’t need taxpayers to pay for your fucking palace you piece of shit

    1. John

      Why the hell does Las Vegas thinks it needs an NFL team? It is hardly short of reasons for out of towners to come there. What a massive rip off of the taxpayers that will be.

      1. Ken Shultz

        No NFL team wants to go to Las Vegas, really. If you had given me an $x million signing bonus when I was 22 and sent me to Vegas, I’d have lost it all and been in jail by the end of the first week.

        UNLV is building a new stadium on campus. They’ve been a basketball school for so long, but they’ll be going big into football in the future. Considering the size of the town and the lack of any local pro sports teams, they should be like Ohio State.

        Part of the reason they aren’t is because their football stadium is on the other side of the planet from the school. That soon won’t be a problem.

        “That may soon change if a proposed $1.2 billion, 65,000-seat football stadium near campus is built. Plans call for it to be paid for by the Las Vegas Sands Corp. and with taxes on visitors.

        http://lasvegassun.com/news/20…..uild-unlv/

        The school already bought the land. If the Raiders put up $500 million, too . . .

        It’s just that I don’t think any NFL team really wants to come to Vegas. . . . or NHL team, or NBA team, or MLB team. The players would get into less trouble in Tijuana. The only reason UNLV players don’t get in so much trouble is because they don’t have any money.

        1. John

          And it is not about ticket sales. it is about ad revenue and the size of the media market. Las Vegas is basically Oklahoma City or Albuquerque with a bunch of casinos stuck on the road out of town. It is less of an NFL worthy city than Jacksonville.

        2. CE

          And good luck getting half your team awake in time for practice the next day.

  32. Ken Shultz

    Incidentally, for those of you who don’t follow hockey (and I think it’s great that gay people participate in this forum), the puck drops tonight at 8pm eastern on what may shape up to be the playoff series of the century.

    Let’s go, Caps!

    1. Derp-o-Matic 5000

      GO CAPS!

    2. Juvenile Bluster

      Caps vs Penguins forces me to root for a meteor to hit the arena.

      In the East, the only team left than I can even stomach winning is Tampa. Because this is their last hurrah until Stamkos signs in Toronto on July 1st.

      1. Ken Shultz

        They still have a team in Toronto?

    3. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

      NHL playoffs never disappoint. Always – ALWAYS – upsets.

      I think the Blues will take care of the Stars.

      1. John

        Sydney the boy all Canadians love versus Ovetchkin is a good versus evil match up worthy of a Rocky movie.

      2. esteve7

        Go Sharks! They are going to pull a 2010 Giants and finally break through

    4. bacon-magic

      Go Blues ?!

    5. Wonderful, more hockey. What next, soccer?

      /Jonesing for actual NFL football

      1. Timon 19

        God, the NFL is tiresome. Draft draft draft draft draft.

        Fucking retarded.

      2. grrizzly

        What next, soccer?

        Yep, it starts on June 10. Purely European.

  33. OneOut

    John Boehner is a lying two faced sorry son of a bitch in my humble opinion.

    That lying basted was lying to the American people telling them he was gonna do all within his power to stop Obamacare while at the same time he was busted for colluding with Obama to exempt Congress, their falies, their staff and their families.

    Someone in Obama’s office leaded hi email to Obama say that it was ok with him if Obama tld the press that he was chewing Boehner out , not colluding with him against American citizens.

    Fuck Boehner with a red hot poker.

  34. Boehner also said he was “texting buddies” with GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump

    Like OMG, he’s totes my BFF.

    1. wtf u called cruz luficer? LOL 🙂

      i told u i wuz gonna git weird bae

      carlys face tho

      LOL u fleek af bae

  35. North Korea’s latest ballistic missile test has reportedly failed, according to South Korean officials.

    Some North Korean scientist is getting ready to be shot by a firing squad right now.

    1. What do you mean “getting ready to be?”

    2. Ling ling!

  36. From the draft-women article:

    “I actually think if we want equality in this country, if we want women to be treated precisely like men are treated and that they should not be discriminated against, we should be willing to support a universal conscription,” [Rep. Jackie Speier, D-Calif.] said.”

    Or you might consider not conscripting *anyone,* and not registering *anyone* for the draft. But the Congresspeople don’t seem interested in that version of equal rights.

    And I noticed that some defenders of registering women still pull the same BS line of “they could be assigned to non-dangerous positions.” Stop. Nobody believes that, I doubt you believe it yourselves.

    Drafting women means women on the front lines. Haven’t we seen this movie before, with every variety of progressive foolishness? It’s goes straight from “ha ha that will never happen you paranoid weirdo” to “of course it has to happen and you’re a bigot if you object.”

    1. Being recognized by the government is more important than liberty. It’s gotten to the point that if there was a law that only hung men for counter-revolutionary thought, someone would call that sexist and demand women be hung as well because women can have counterrevolutionary thoughts too that are just as powerful as a man!

    2. paranoid android

      Drafting women means women on the front lines. Haven’t we seen this movie before, with every variety of progressive foolishness?

      *Checks if Starship Troopers is available to stream anywhere*

      1. “We’re on a strange planet filled with hostile aliens who burrow under the earth. Let’s camp on the ground and have a beer orgy!”

        1. Rhywun

          God I love that stupid movie.

  37. Loki

    A man apparently dressed like a panda threatened to blow up Fox’s Baltimore headquarters and was shot by police.

    I guess sexual harrassment don’t sue people panda has fallen on rough times the last few years.

  38. He was not dressed like a panda! Goodness gracious on a popsicle stick.

    1. AlmightyJB

      Not eveyone can be an expert on Furry life

  39. Aloysious

    Meet the Sarmientosaurus: Paleontologists Unearth Skull of a Newly Discovered Dinosaur

    A preserved skull recently discovered in Argentina belongs to an enormous dinosaur called Sarmientosaurus musacchioi, paleontologists announced in a new study published in the journal PLOS ONE. Sarmientosaurus could provide a lot of new insight into a class of dinosaurs called Titanosaurs.

    cool.

    1. SugarFree

      Stay strong. Those bones were put there by Satan to test your faith.

    2. paranoid android

      Somewhere, a hack scriptwriter working on the screenplay for Jurassic World 2 breathes a sigh of relief.

  40. OT: Don’t text your briefs

    http://www.chron.com/news/hous…..913627.php

    State District Judge Elizabeth E. Coker–who sits on the bench over Trinity, Polk and San Jacinto counties–has resigned under fire in a texting controversy, according to a voluntary agreement with the State Commission on Judicial Conduct.

    It stems from complaints and media stories alleging that Coker “had engaged in improper ex parte text communications with Polk County Assistant District Attorney Kaycee Jones while Judge Coker presided” over a criminal trial in August of 2012.

    With those complaints, “the commission commenced an investigation into allegations that Judge Coker used Assistant District Attorney Jones to privately communicate information” about the case “to suggest questions for the prosecutor to ask during the trial” among other issues.

    1. Dammit, it’s 3 years old. Gotta remember to check the byline on the interwebz.

      1. I dunno, when someone says “don’t text your briefs” I’m assuming I should avoid selfies of my groinal area.

  41. Stevie Nicks joins the SCHOOL OF ROCK band for a surprise curtain call performance of Rhiannon.

  42. Various Muslim students and their allies trap the (Jewish) President of San Diego State University in a police car and won’t let him leave until he apologizes for not being supportive enough of his kidnappers.

    Student leader Mustapha Alemi says, “the fact that it took two to three hundred students to block his car to have a conversation with us is incredibly disrespectful.”

    And “SDSU senior Osama Alkhawaja said “what is lacking from our leadership is courage.”

    That’s true enough, but not in the way Osama thinks.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      I wonder if you can drive straight out of a mob or if you have to rock backward and forward like you do when you’re stuck in mud or slush. This seems like it would’ve been a good opportunity to find out…for science!

    2. John

      He should have told them to go fuck themselves and walked right through them. Let them attack him. The beating would suck but only for a while. Meanwhile they would be going to jail and their cause completely discredited. More than likely, they wouldn’t have had the balls to do anything and his walking through them with have shown them to be the cowardly pieces of shit they are.

    3. Student leader Mustapha Alemi says, “the fact that it took two to three hundred students to block his car to have a conversation with us is incredibly disrespectful.”

      Indeed, the najis Yahudi kalb brought all this upon himself.

    4. Not that I’m saying they’re right to do that, mind, but here’s a little context

      The protesters were critical of an email Hirshman sent out to all students on Tuesday regarding a number of posters made by the David Horowitz Center for Freedom, which named specific SDSU students and said they “have allied themselves with Palestinian terrorists to perpetuate BDS and Jew Hatred on this campus.”

      In the email Hirshman wrote: “First, we recognize and fully support the rights of all parties to voice their positions on political issues, whether supportive or critical. We also understand that when parties adopt a specific political position they become responsible for their actions and these actions may produce criticism.”

      1. A firm, evenhanded defense of the freedom of speech by an academic?!?!?!

        Mob the fucker!!!!

        1. Alkhawaja directly addressed Hirshman.

          “I wanted you to defend me,” he said. “They called us terrorists, and you didn’t defend us.”

          I think it telling that it’s the being labeled with the term “terrorist” as opposed to “Jew hatred” that they are protesting.

          1. “They called us retarded goat-fuckers…we’re not retarded!”

      2. Ok…. And?

        I don’t see where Hirshman’s words are either provocative, unthinking, or just not plain common sense.

        1. I don’t know for sure but it seems to me that an organization which publicly names students and makes unfounded allegations of criminal activity and bigotry without any more evidence that association with a particular group treads the line of libel. And thus deserving of more than “Well, whattaya gonna do?”

          These people crossed the line big-time opting for violence, don’t get me wrong.

          1. How is it a) unfounded and b) criminal? It is a fact that both the BDS movement and Students for Justice in Palestine have publicly expressed their solidarity with Hamas, which in and of itself is no crime. It is also a fact that the BDS movement and allied groups advocate the social and economic exclusion of individuals based on their ethnic identity and/or citizenship, regardless of their political views on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.

            To be quite frank, I’d love to see a libel charge against Horowitz over this. They’d lose badly, and the fact that they aren’t going that route tells me that they realize that.

            1. That’s all as may be, but does Horowitz have any proof that the named students aren’t just a bunch of dickheads signalling their lefty cred?

            2. gaoxiaen

              Use the real acronym, BDSM.

          2. Jerryskids

            A little more context.

            Horowitz came up with a Top 10 list of most anti-Jew campuses and specifically cited why these campuses were on the list.

            1. Jerryskids

              “We made the decision to form ‘Jew Hatred on Campus’ to expose anti-Semitic student groups who support or are associated with known terrorist organizations such as Hamas and Hezbollah, and which call for the destruction of the Jewish State,” said Jew Hatred on Campus founder, David Horowitz. “These activities against Jewish and pro-Israel students would not be tolerated by university administrators if they were committed against students from any other ethnic group. But because Jews are the target, they have been largely ignored. It is an obligation of university administrators to recognize and condemn acts of anti-Semitism by campus hate groups and to withdraw campus privileges and university support from them.”

              This is apparently the part where he called them terrorists and made them cry.

              1. You could say that they have a vested interest in not being outed as terrorists…

            2. Interesting. Although, I tend to take such things with a grain of salt since some people have a rather flexible definition of anti-semitism . A good point to consider, nevertheless.

          3. Migrant Log Chipper

            You are not living in the real world if you think these lefty dolts are not going after Israel. They would be idiots not to fight back.

            How do you know they are unfounded. Progs really don’t care that the mask has slipped these days.

            This is a fight for survival for Israel and these fucktards are openly questioning their right to exist.

            I’m not religious or Jewish, I just look at what society looks like in various places. Looking at the middle east the only functional society is in Israel. Are they perfect, certainly not, but if you think Hamas would be a viable alternative you are delusional.

            Other than oil, Israel produces more economic value than the rest of that area combined. If arab countries had a brain they would collaborate with Israel to spread the wealth and jobs that economic developement bring.

            But that ain’t gonna happen. I have no problem supporting Israel, they are really the only hope that part of the world has.

  43. John

    http://www.thegatewaypundit.co…..ear-3-gdp/

    Obama becomes the first President in history to not have a single year of 3% growth during his term. Even FDR and Carter managed that. It is just mind boggling what a failure he has been. He has been a bigger failure than even his worst critics thought he would be.

    1. Soave the Last Dance for Me

      There are more important things than money. He’s done more than anyone to fight global warming, and he killed Osama bin Laden and ended the Iraq War.

      Profit at the expense of everyone’s well-being doesn’t make the world a better place! I see this smaller ‘growth’ (not moral growth, not growth that actually matters) as slowing the rate of increase of income inequality. It’s a good thing.

      QED

      1. John

        That might might be the dumbest thing I have ever read. If you honestly think low growth is a good thing and does anything but harm the poor and middle class more than it does the rich, you are so stupid and delusional it is difficult to even know what to say. It just leaves one dumbstruck that such a person could exist.

        1. John, it was sarcasm. The worst kind of sarcasm: the kind that accurately represents how mouthbreathers think.

          1. John

            My mistake. But you can’t satirize these people. I could post that word for word on the Huffpost and I would be well on my way to being a “super user” within the half hour. Satire and parody are dead. The Progs killed them.

            1. John: Poe’s Law

              1. jesse.in.mb

                Oi, Playa told you to email me a few weeks ago regarding hanging out with your fellow socal degenerates, no? There was discussion of booze+food for cinco de mayo. Los Doyers is poorly executing planning of it. Shoot me an email if you’d be interested in joining or hearing about future socializing in meatspace. Email is linked in the handle.

          2. Soave the Last Dance for Me

            Damnit.

            But you can’t satirize these people.

            Nonsense! We need more mockery. What’s the %-growth of mockery of these people? That’s an important measure too.

        2. Soave the Last Dance for Me

          The 1% and corporations would just steal and hoard all the new money anyway.

          Increase welfare and taxes on the rich and the poor will be better off.

          Maybe we should measure the growth of love and tolerance in the world. That’s more important.

          1. John

            You should post on Huff post. You are a super user if i have ever seen one.

            1. Soave the Last Dance for Me

              Trolling isn’t that fun. Not worth sacrificing one’s mental health.

              1. John

                It always makes me feel mean. Once in a while I will go over and troll the conservatives on PJ Media or national Review. I always feel a little dirty afterwards. They are just dumb as posts. It isn’t fair to go over and kick them around.

                It’s why I always come back here. Its the only place I know where I feel like I am picking on someone my own size.

                1. Soave the Last Dance for Me

                  I just feel dirty because it warps my view of other people. I want to like people, goddamnit.

                  It’s a sunny day. I’m going for a walk. Maybe I’ll skip a little.

        3. Welcome to Hit & Run

  44. GILMORE?

    Donald Trump’s first major foreign policy address alarmed American allies, who view the Republican front runner’s repeated invocation of an “America first” agenda as a threat to retreat from the world.

    1) this is entirely fucking made-up. No one has had time to Poll either the populace or the leadership of “America’s Allies” Quotes from a handful of former-Prime-Ministers and Diplomatic-bureucrat-elites do not a consensus make.

    2) What does “retreat from the world” even mean, in practice? Next time you hear some journalist utter this euphemism, replace what they just said with “Stop Paying For Europe’s Security infrastructure”, and “Stop Pretending Other People’s Problems are Our Problems”…. and see how more/less appealing it actually is.

    After the scare headline, and pearl-clutching comments from the Brussels types… you get little tidbits like this =

    A major theme — that more NATO allies should spend at least 2 percent of their economic output on defense — is one that has also been taken up by the Obama administration itself, including repeatedly during the president’s visit to Europe last week.

    This doesn’t stop everyone and their foreign minister from declaring “certain doom” if America should ever alter the status quo at all.

    1. John

      And if that reporter thinks the way to sell the public on international engagement is to say that it is inconsistent with putting America’s interests first, they have a pretty fucked up idea on how to get something to appeal to the public.

    2. John

      That article is an example of Trump’s genius at trolling the media. Trump knew that saying “America first” was going to inspire the media to write a ton of articles just like that. So what message does the voting public get from this article? Basically that anyone who doesn’t vote for Trump is doing so because they put other country’s interests over the US’s interests. That story might as well be a paid ad for the Trump campaign.

    3. PapayaSF

      2) What does “retreat from the world” even mean, in practice?

      Fewer American tax dollars spent overseas. That’s what them foreigners are most worried about….

    4. 2) What does “retreat from the world” even mean, in practice? Next time you hear some journalist utter this euphemism, replace what they just said with “Stop Paying For Europe’s Security infrastructure”, and “Stop Pretending Other People’s Problems are Our Problems”…. and see how more/less appealing it actually is.

      It does remind me a bit of when GWB was elected the first time (2000) before 9/11 was a twinkle in anyone’s eyes. I remember a stream of panicky articles from European pundits demanding that America needs to remain “engaged” with the world, because (and this one killed me) one guy said the world needed “more America, not less America”.

      1. RBS

        Well, they get what they wanted. Good and hard.

    5. Rational Exuberance

      Obama sort of mentions it and then drops it. They are worried that someone might actually follow through on it.

      Although, frankly, I also better at night knowing that the European militaries are impotent; they have fucked over the world far too often, and they are still just a bunch of socialists and fascists at heart.

  45. GILMORE?

    Future US Border Patrol

    Not very different from MegaForce

    1. Years of trying to forget that undone.

      1. GILMORE?

        Years of wanting to grow up to be “Matt Hunter” = Vindicated

        1. What a co-incidence! Barry Bostwick influenced me too

          http://41.media.tumblr.com/tum…..o1_500.jpg

          1. GILMORE?

            It is challenging to find his “best look“

            1. The 80s headband really ties the ensemble together.

            2. Lee G

              I forgot about that one. Thanks

              *fires up jet powered motorbike*

  46. GILMORE?

    Bill DeBlasio’s Office Under Investigation for Corruption

    New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s office has received subpoenas from both state and federal prosecutors, according to the mayor’s chief legal adviser, as investigators pursue a series of coordinated corruption probes that extend from City Hall to the police department.

    News of the subpoenas came days after the leaking of a January report from the state Board of Elections that accused the mayor and others of intentionally evading campaign finance contribution limits in 2014.

    The memo, authored by the board’s top investigator, recommended state prosecutors examine whether de Blasio and his allies violated election law as they steered funds to candidates in an unsuccessful effort to capture the state Senate for Democrats

    The idea of NY state politicians like Sheldon Silver and Bill DeBlasio actually going to jail? Sends shivers of joy up my spine.

    1. John

      I find it hard to believe I have lived well enough to deserve to see the day that DeBlasio goes to prison. It would be one of the great gifts God has ever given me to see that son of bitch perp walked out of the Manhattan Federal Courthouse.

      1. Gaear Grimsrud

        Happened to Blago, granted only to save Obama’s ass, but still a memory I will always cherish.

      2. Rhywun

        Oh hell yeah. It’s amazing how quickly he’s going down in flames.

    2. GILMORE?

      It would be interesting… if, say, the DoJ really does try and nix the Clinton investigation… if various branches of the FBI decide to retaliate by engaging in country-wide sweeps of political offices and bringing the hammer down on anyone and everyone.

      It would be an interesting “game of thrones” type internecine-bloodletting.

      1. John

        I have thought that for a while. If Hillary walks, the FBI and Intel communities are going to go insane. The FBI and the career DOJ people both will be desperate to get some kind of political hide to try and undo the damage letting Hillary walk will do to their credibility with the public. If I am your typical crook big City Democrat politician or Congressman, I am not liking that prospect one bit.

        1. Who, and I ask this as someone truly ignorant on the subject, do you suppose cares enough about the Clinton email scandal to make enough of a fuss that it upends her table in the slightest?

      2. AlmightyJB

        I’ll start making popcorn now.

      3. paranoid android

        Granted, I know as much about the inner workings of the Justice Department as I do about Emu breeding, but what’s the basis for this? I mean, this idea that the FBI really really really wants to nail Clinton on something and are being stymied by the Obama administration or other internal factions. I’m not saying it’s *not* true, I’m just curious what the basis for it is beyond the obvious wish-fulfillment allure.

        1. John

          The basis for it is that what Hillary did so appalling that letting her walk will completely destroy the moral or DOJ and the entire federal LEO and Intel communities. They routinely prosecute people and send them to jail for doing things one one hundredth as bad as what Hillary did. And they take people’s clearances and summarily end people’s careers for doing things that are ten times less serious that that.

          Everyone in those places has a security clearance and knows the consequences of breaking the national security laws. If Hillary walks, they will all know the entire system is a joke and it will be impossible to get anyone to believe in it or have any respect for the national security laws anymore. It would be a complete disaster.

          And the career people in those agencies know that and are one of the last groups of people in government who actually care about their institution more than they care about their political party. For this reason, it is incredibly important to them that Hillary not be allowed to walk. If she is, there will be hell to pay.

          1. Illocust

            A lot of this ^. FBI people grow up watching all the good cop shows too. We aren’t a banana republic. People sign on to be law enforcement because they want to enforce the laws. Having someone they don’t have a personal investment in skirt the law for something they couldn’t skirt the law on is going to piss them off.

        2. Timon 19

          The FBI careerists are super-pissed about the light touch the DOJ took with Petraeus. This is many times more egregious, so I’m guessing they’d be pretty pissed about this as well, were it to be whitewashed.

          1. John

            Petreus personally ended the careers of otherwise fine Army officers for committing adultery. Then that SOB parades his girlfriend in front of everyone and leaks classified information to her. Yeah, the Petreus thing really pissed a lot of people off.

            1. You could even go as far to say that he betrayed us.

              1. Libertymike

                You could even go further and say that’s funny.

    3. Bill said everything his people did was proper and legal, and damnit I believe him.

      Now, let’s get rid of those Central Park horses (for some unknown reason).

      1. Rhywun

        Now, let’s get rid of those Central Park horses (for some unknown reason).

        Oh, we know. It’s so some donor buddies can swoop in on the horse barn and develop the land.

    4. Does anything target DeBlasio specifically, or is it “his office”, ie underlings and associates?

      I must admit I do love it when a Democrat gets snagged in campaign contribution limit investigations. It’s especially more delicious when they unknowingly run afoul of them.

      1. Rhywun

        He’s in the soup – for personally moving cash around a variety of slush funds that he set up to push his prog agenda.

  47. GILMORE?

    EU vs. UK = “Spiteful Girlfriend Threatens to Pre-Emptively Break-Up if Boyfriend Keeps Talking About Breaking Up”

    The European Union would insist on completing a swift divorce with Britain before starting to forge any new relationship if UK voters decide in June to leave the 28-member bloc.

    The stark view from Brussels means Britain could initially be cut adrift without any preferential relationship with its biggest trade partner. It contrasts with suggestions by “Leave” campaigners that London could secure a special status preserving market access before it formally leaves the EU.

    As far as I can tell all it means is that there would be a year or two of “huffy dispute” before their respective trade ministers decided on some deal which probably made things much the same as they had been before. (e.g. diplomatic “make-up-sex”)

    1. Soave the Last Dance for Me

      Thank you for putting this in terms I can understand.

  48. GILMORE?

    “The big question is, ‘How will it look?'” said the secretary of the U.S. Commission of Fine Arts

    1. Er… they get, what, one or two jumpers a year? who are quickly tackled by several Secret Service agents who, I’d imagine, relish the opportunity.

      We’re going to spend somewhere north of ten million dollars on a fence, aren’t we? And it’s not the fence people seem to want.

    2. Oh NOW fences are a good idea.

  49. bacon-magic

    Thanks Jesse!

    Yay it works, Mikey Hihny look out! (giggles)

    1. Bacon bully.

  50. bacon-magic

    testing 123
    meh
    ?

    1. Rhywun

      Somebody just installed Reasonable…

  51. Ohio State running back Ezekiel Elliot showing off his sweet duds on the NFL draft red carpet (why is that a thing?).

    1. I for one am glad to see the NFL draft embracing the gay lifestyle.

      1. Rational Exuberance

        Few gay men would be seen in such a tasteless outfit

        1. Well, gay pride is when that kind of stuff comes out in earnest, and it appears the NFL draft has become a glorified gay pride march. NTTAWWT.

          1. gaoxiaen

            Such a little pee-pee for a black guy.

          2. jesse.in.mb

            When was the last time you went to a gay pride parade? I don’t see any frumpy lesbians pushing baby buggies in that picture. No middle-aged Episcopalians trying desperately to be relevant…

            1. Ok, good point. If there’s one thing that does takes the fun out of gay pride, it’s frumpy lesbians.

    2. RBS

      In a couple of hours he can afford to buy a whole shirt (without worrying about the NCAA).

  52. DEG

    Hmmm

    We still don’t have the blink tag back.

    And no gifs I bet.

  53. vermont wants even more pre crime

  54. “He had a flash drive, said he had information he wanted to get on the air. He compared it to the information found in the Panama Papers. I told him, ‘I can’t let you in, you’re going to have to leave the flash drive here and slide it through the opening.’ He wouldn’t do that. Apparently he had made some threats before,”

    Okay, maybe panda boy overreacted, but have you ever loaned out a flash drive? You never get the goddamn thing back.

  55. Rufus The Monocled Derp Slayer

    Okay.

    Does the fact that actors who partake in violence with guns in movies (deriving a fabulous income from them) mean if they take a pro gun-control position it makes them hypocrites?

    I remember reading some critical thinking professor (of a liberal bent I might add) argue it was a logical fallacy.

    1. paranoid android

      I think it depends on context. If they’re criticizing the media for “glorifying gun violence” or whatever while acting in movies that feature a hero gunning down bad guys left and right, that would strike me as hypocritical. But just thinking the law is an appropriate means of stopping those movies from being acted out in the streets, while wrongheaded in my opinion, is not hypocritical on its face.

      To use a very bad analogy, I don’t think it’d be hypocritical to play Hamlet while privately voicing the opinion that regicide is a bad idea.

      1. Lots of times, the good guys with the guns are government people – cops, military.

        Or they’re mercenaries who are ex-military.

        They’re responsible enough to handle firearms, unlike regular civilians.

        1. I’m referring to the plots of these movies you’re discussing.

    2. Does the fact that actors who partake in violence with guns in movies (deriving a fabulous income from them) mean if they take a pro gun-control position it makes them hypocrites?

      No.

      Because Tom Cruise played a murderous but charming hit man, that doesn’t make him his character.

      There are a shit ton of things that make actors hypocrites, playing a character in a movie isn’t one of them.

  56. Boehner is a crypto socialist who refused to impeach King Obama for his numerous and well documented crimes against the US Constitution.

    1. Migrant Log Chipper

      Alrighty then, stock up on tin foil.

  57. Still rocking the Links at the top of Hit & Run, eh?

    1. Reason‘s going full Euro, implementing the 32 hour work week. Robby and ENB approve.

      1. They’re probably secretly voting Bernie!

        1. SECRETLY?

        2. SIV

          Ed Krayewski linked his cast ballot for Hitlery in the PA Dem Primary.

  58. 420 comments. If I smoked weed, that’d be funny, or significant, or something.

  59. Brochettaward

    “‘I mean, one day we’re saving the banks; the next day we’re saving the auto industry; the next day we’re trying to see whether we can have some impact on the housing market.’

    The result, he said, was that he lacked the political capital to do more.”

    Translation – it’s not my fault.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05…..egacy.html

    1. Brochettaward

      And something about how more, only betterer, would have solved things. Damn Republicans.

    2. But remember it’s Cruz who is the creepy egomaniacal jerk.

      1. Why can’t they both be?

        1. Fair enough.

          For that matter, why can’t they *all* be?

    3. Lee G

      What a douchebag.

  60. Gaear Grimsrud

    Cops in Baltimore shoot 13 year old kid with toy gun. Cops in Baltimore shoot guy in panda suit with chocolate bars. Cops in Baltimore win world’s biggest pussies ever award.

  61. Rational Exuberance

    It’s black pots and kettles all the way down.

  62. Sevo

    I thought Jehovahs Witnesses were clean:

    “APNewsBreak: Investigators look at overdose in Prince death”
    http://www.sfgate.com/entertai…..380957.php

  63. Alec Baldwin to host summer revival of ‘Match Game’

    The ’70s game show “Match Game” is coming back, with Alec Baldwin picking up the long, skinny microphone originally held by Gene Rayburn as host, Vulture reports. The new “Match Game” will air for 10 episodes this summer on Sundays at 10/9c on ABC as part of a game show block that will also include “Celebrity Family Feud”and “The $100,000 Pyramid.”

    The new “Match Game” will have the classic format of contestants trying to guess how the celebrity panelists answered the jokey fill-in-the-blank-questions. No celebrity guests have been confirmed, but it’s probably safe to assume that frequent ’70s guest Betty White will return. Panelists back in the day often included Richard Dawson and Charles Nelson Reilly (maybe we’ll see Baldwin’s impression of that game show stalwart).

    “Match Game’s” best-known incarnation ran from 1973 to 1979 on CBS. It was last revived for a short stint in syndication from 1998 to 1999.

    Match Game will premiere June 26 on ABC.

    He’s sort of the anti-Gene Rayburn but I did love watching reruns of Match Game on Game Show Network. .

    1. Rhywun

      Best game show ever, and not just because the celebrities were drunk half the time. They’ll probably fuck it up like they always do with these revivals.

  64. OT: The light rail was 4 minutes late today. How the heck is a train late? You know who used to have a friend who made the trains run on time?

    1. Granny Weatherwax

      Sir Toppem Hat?

  65. Rhywun

    To everyone who says “The Big Bang Theory” isn’t funny… I give you “2 Broke Girls”. TBS is showing it right now and it is supernaturally bad.

    1. Supernaturally? Of course, why didn’t I think of that!

      I need to check those hussies for witches’ marks.

      1. Rhywun

        I was looking for a word meaning “really, really, really”. While half-drunk.

        1. Why not both? Both shows are horrible.

          1. Rhywun

            IMHO one is light-years worse than the other, just based on writing alone.

    2. Migrant Log Chipper

      I watched it once, it’s beyond stupid. That actual people watch shit like that is depressing.

  66. Sevo

    “San Jose High badminton coach held for allegedly dating student”
    […]
    “Loc Nguyen was arrested at the campus Wednesday and taken to Santa Clara County Main Jail, where she was booked on suspicion of annoying or molesting a minor.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/crime/ar…..382425.php

    Unless “dating” is a euphemism, this sounds strange but not illegal.

    1. ant1sthenes

      If annoying a minor is a crime, shouldn’t all adult authority figures be in prison?

    2. Coming soon on CBS…a new series about the teacher who puts the “bad” in badminton!

      1. Alternate joke: Breaking badminton

    3. I just flick my bird into her back alley.

    4. AlmightyJB

      She looks 15 herself. How do you need a coach to play badminton anyways? That’s like tic tac toe coach.

  67. Demoted Comment (Slammer)

    These NFL draftees moms are making me say a lot of woulds.

    1. Make the move on an NFL player’s mother…yeah, let’s talk about this death wish of yours…

    2. Twitter-hacked bong video.

      1. Oh, S-E-C Instagrams.

  68. HOW CUM EVENING LINKS LAST POSTED BLOG? STEVE SMITH WASN’T MORE TO READ WHILE GETTING DRUNK

    1. Not enough in the budget for late-nite links.

      1. What, Reason doesn’t have slaves interns?

        1. What’s the difference between Reason and a screwdriver?

          A screwdriver turns in screws…

    2. * wants

      1. OneOut

        It’s okay Denver.

        Perhaps you and the Wart can wear this out together

  69. JeremyR

    What’s hilarious is that Boehner also describes the supposed political outsider, Donald Trump, to be his “golfing and texting buddy” for years.

    1. SIV

      The establishment is beyond desperate. President Trump’s gonna purge!

    2. I gotta tell ya: The GOP establishment may claim to hate Trump, but I don’t see alot of them supporting the one guy who has any plausible chance to stop him.

      1. SIV

        They waited until too late. Boehner’s remarks are a last-ditch effort to give Lyin’ Ted an anti-E pop.

      2. OneOut

        They love Trump.

        Trump will take crony capitalism to new heights.

        If Trump or Clinton are elected we may see the first ever Triliionaire President leave office.

  70. Over 500 comments. Well done everyone.

    1. Only because there weren’t any later articles posted.

    2. OneOut

      Who needs over 23 comments when children are starving in this country ?

      You Kulak

  71. “We have had some very horrible disenfranchisement of voters in Virginia,” McAuliffe said. “And I stood right in front of that Capitol, where we had a poll tax, literacy tests, disenfranchisement of voters. I stood not 20 yards from where Abraham Lincoln met the freed slaves 151 years ago in April. It was the right thing to do legally, and most importantly, George, it wasn’t politics. It was the right thing to do morally.”

  72. I think Yale got this one backwards.

    They’re abolishing the title “master” which in this context has nothing to do with slavery.

    But they’re keeping the name of Calhoun College, which was named after John C. Calhoun, a zealot who admitted slavery was contrary to the Declaration of Independence…therefore so much the worse for the Declaration of Independence!

    “The proposition to which I allude, has become an axiom in the minds of a vast majority on both sides of the Atlantic, and is repeated daily from tongue to tongue, as an established and incontrovertible truth; it is, that “all men are born free and equal.” I am not afraid to attack error, however deeply it may be intrenched, or however widely extended, whenever it becomes my duty to do so, as I believe it to be on this subject and occasion.

    “Taking the proposition literally (it is in that sense it is understood), there is not a word of truth in it…..

    “If we trace it back, we shall find the proposition differently expressed in the Declaration of Independence. That asserts that “all men are created equal.” The form of expression, though less dangerous, is not less erroneous.”

    1. Winston

      I do wonder if they refused to do so since that would justify renaming Yale itself since Elihu Yale was a british Imperialist who dealt with the slave trade.

    2. Winston

      Oh it turns out Ezra Stile owned a slave. So maybe they wanted to avoid the calls to rename that too?

    3. Winston

      Not to mention all the theologians the colleges are named after. Doubtful their views are PC today.

  73. straffinrun

    English language textbooks written by Japanese people who don’t really speak English. Repeat after me.

    1. This Machine

      “While you were holding your dream and girl friend in your single bed, I peddled kneaded erasers smelling of Coke at an extortionate price with a toothless old man in the dense forests of South America.”

      And this is CHAPTER ONE. Damn am I happy I didn’t learn English in Japan.

      1. straffinrun

        Agile sensei, you great teachah.

      2. straffinrun

        Here’s some more from chapter one.

        1. This Machine

          You know, despite the wackiness of the passages –

          “What do you do in your free time?”

          “I guess i force a friend who boasts about lack of sleep to smell chloroform.”

          – they’re actually pretty well written according to proper English grammar. They just teach it in the craziest way possible. Maybe silly phrases make it easier to remember. Hmm.

          1. straffinrun

            I translated them in my head before reading their translation. They’re spot on.

          2. I think the Japanese culture celebrates the absurd through their language. It’s a very conformist kind of society, but superstitious, and enjoys the absurd in their own way, through flowery speech. It’s almost sarcasm, but not really, because they mean it, they just appreciate the …. Something or other. Damn whiskey. Or the pot. But you know what I mean.

      3. This Machine

        OH MY DOG:

        Stefanie inserts suppositories in a very unique way because she received Special Forces training in the deep jungle during her childhood.

        1. AlmightyJB

          I’ll be in my bunk

  74. straffinrun

    Biang, Biatch”. Don’t be rate for crass.

    1. If you haven’t written that character 1,000 times by morning, I’ll cut your balls off.

  75. Two brilliant ideas for promoting small business

    One idea, which was actually adopted, is in San Francisco (I hope Sevo won’t mind me stepping on his toes):

    “San Francisco’s formula business ordinance, first enacted in 2004, requires business with more than 11 locations worldwide to apply for a special use permit in order to locate in the city’s neighborhood commercial districts. One of the criteria for such a permit is how many businesses of that type are already in the district, and whether the applicant business would add something that the neighborhood doesn’t already have. Between 2005 and 2013, according to ISLR, San Francisco received 104 applications to open formula retail stores and restaurants, rejecting about a quarter of them.”

    1. The other idea is being floated in New York City, but so far hasn’t been able to pass though support is growing:

      “the Small Business Jobs Survival Act (SBJSA)…aims to balance the power dynamics between landlords and business tenants. Among other measures, it mandates binding arbitration to settle cases where landlords justifiably must up rent by a certain amount to cover higher property taxes or maintenance costs, but tenants oppose exorbitant rent increases that may reflect irrational speculation as opposed to the economics of a given location.

      “”SBJSA is not saying you can’t make a profit, it’s just saying what’s reasonable,” says Ahmad El-Najjar, a political consultant with TakeBackNYC, an all-volunteer, public campaign that has been organizing to pass SBJSA. They now have around 7,000 member business owners, and have helped gain support for the bill from a majority of city council members.”

      1. Rich

        “SBJSA is not saying you can’t make a profit, it’s just saying what’s reasonable,” says Ahmad El-Najjar, a political consultant with TakeBackNYC

        The landlords should demand a”living profit”. $15 an hour?

      2. Rhywun

        Does it specify where you have to mail your kickback checks to remain on the favored small-business list?

  76. straffinrun

    Same sex prostitution legal in Japan, technically. Cops won’t touch it. Get it?
    *Yes, 3 posts in a row. Give us an overnight article!*

    1. Is “technically legal” somehow a different category of legal than just regular “legal”?

      technically legal is just as legal as regular legal, it’s just that the person using the term “technically” is suggesting that there’s been a silly oversight, a glitch which needs correction.

      1. straffinrun

        Everything here is shades of gray. What pisses me off about that article is they champion LGBT rights while slamming prostitution.

  77. Pope Francis orders a collection for Ukraine among European Catholics.

    “What exactly is happening in Ukraine? [Bishop Boris] Gudziak [of the UGCC Deparatment of External Affairs] gives some clear answers. Some ten thousand have been killed. Tens of thousands have been maimed by the war. It is estimated that those suffering from post-traumatic stress is in the hundred of thousands. The amount of infrastructure destroyed equals in value the annual budget of the Ukrainian government.

    “Estimates of people affected by the war range up to five million people. Some two million left the country. Another two million are internally displaced refugees, and another million suffer in place….

    “The average salary of Ukrainians today is one third of what it was two years ago before the start of the war. The ousted president and his corrupt regime embezzled some 50 billion dollars by most accounts, leaving the country and especially its military in a sad state.”

    (Even if you’re not in Europe, you can always click my handle and make a donation through CNEWA, which scores high on Charity Navigator.)

  78. brokencycle

    A TSA official testified that he was told to racially profile people at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport.

    Can confirm. Am white male and always get enhanced screening.

  79. AlmightyJB

    Venezuelans take to streets

    http://latino.foxnews.com/lati…..-for-food/

    1. Venezuelans actually like the Doobie Bros?

  80. AlmightyJB

    Man jailed for failing to decrypt hard drive.

    http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-36159146

    1. “The man, a former police sergeant, cannot be named for legal reasons.”

      But here is a story about a police sergeant in Pennsylvania who is in contempt for failing to give access to his computer, and this article gives his name.

      I would imagine that the first link, being from the BBC, is under UK law about disclosing suspects’ identities, and the other article, from a U.S. source, isn’t bound by such laws.

      Why would a UK media outlet be compelled to withhold info about a U.S. suspect?

      1. UK media outlets get sued in the UK.

  81. jesse.in.mb

    So I generally go with any pollers that call me. The last one had a rough time with pronouncing words like exceptional (“exponential compared to other nations”) and asked me if I’d vote for Greg Johnson of the Librarian Party…

    Yes, yes I would.

    1. Hamster of Doom

      Frankly, if it became a thing to buy a book instead of a drink to indicate interest, life would be more interesting.

  82. I want all the perks of maternity leave ? without having any kids

    1. OneOut

      She should not be allowed any more than 78% of maternity leave of real women who have real kids.

      And to a lessor extent men should be allowed time off from work for full pay.

      Just like women who something something something.

      I think. This shit is beyond bat shit cray cray.

      Fuck, lets all take off with full pay.

      1. Hamster of Doom

        You know what pisses me off the most about this shit?

        I can’t commiserate.

        I have to deal with this dipshittery, see. The protocol was elicit – the dishwasher had to sit with the management until their shit was done. Very explicit. Chain, see, little room for questioning policy.

        Excpet for thoe mother fuckdr who wouldlet the dis ul, “So you now I kow it’s totaly my deal to stay wth managemrnt 8niti thw shoft s coxed. But, tano, I have a kid. And tey have to be t schol! SCHOOL. Masive ob,igatkns, yo. Massivw,”

        Like that,

        1. Hamster of Doom

          Don’t even ask me to interpret. You people don’t pay me enough for that shit.

  83. Hamster of Doom

    And, incidentally, I am shocked and saddened – SHOCKED and SADDENED – that after hours of looking at that pic not a single one of you degenerate bastards posted this.

    Hang your heads in shame.

  84. Winston

    I find it interesting that Reason writes that they are hoping that the Dems might have a “principled non-interventionist stance” which is odd since when in the Democrats entire history have they had a principled non-interventionist stance? Not in 1864, 1916, 1940 or 1968 or now.

    Not to mention I do find it interesting that Reason is hoping for some modus vivendi with the anti-war left. Judging by the state of campus radicalism it seems to be pretty non-existent. Oh and the ones that are now are more likely to be hard core socialists/communists and apologists for foreign dictatorships (e.g. Glenn Greenwald). Add in the desire to appeal to “socially liberal” businesspeople at the same time and such an alliance looks to be as successful as the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact or the US-UK-USSR WWII alliance.

    1. Hamster of Doom

      You think too much, gai-jin.

    2. Like the US-USSR alliance war alliance, the friendship only lasts as long as the common enemy does. After the election, the alliance is over. Not a very good analogy though, as the Reasonoid alliance with the left is kind of like an alliance between Sri Lanka and the Soviet Union.

  85. I quit my officce job and now I am getting paid 56 Dollars hourly. How? I work-over internet! My old work was making me miserable, so I was to try-something different. 1 years after…I can say my life is changed completely for the better! Check it out what i do…TO2

    ========== http://www.Buzzmax7.com

    1. Winston

      Nevermore!!!!

  86. On the contrary, Barack Obama’s old golf caddy is the most miserable son of a bitch.

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