A.M. Links: Primary Voting Today in Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, Connecticut, and Rhode Island

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  • Credit: Todd Kranin

    Super Tuesday, Part IV: Voters head to the polls today in Pennsylvania, Maryland, Delaware, Connecticut, and Rhode Island.

  • According to a new poll, "in a head-to-head matchup of each party's frontrunner, Mrs. Clinton leads Mr. Trump by only 3 percentage points nationally."
  • Ted Cruz is reportedly vetting Carly Fiorina as a possible vice presidential running mate.
  • Is the Ted Cruz-John Kasich alliance against Donald Trump already falling apart?
  • "On Monday, the Pennsylvania Superior Court refused to hear entertainer Bill Cosby's request to dismiss the criminal case against him and lifted the temporary stay on the criminal case, paving the way for his trial for the alleged sexual assault of former Temple University employee Andrea Constand."
  • The United States is reportedly planning to use "cyberbombs" against ISIS.

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  1. 169) I saw in the newspaper that militants killed by drones in Afghanistan now surpass militants killed by ground action. It occurred to me, someday the drone death-robots will be loosed our own country and we will not like it one bit. Foreign targeters will choose targets based on their values, not on ours. They’ll have justifications and reasons, sure, but the fact is death will down from the sky in a way that will feel indiscriminate to us.

    1. Hello.

      Is Root the most punctual AM/PM links guy?

      VOTE.

      1. It shows up before my clock says 9am.

      2. It’s easy to get them on time when you don’t bother with alt-text. Shackford gets my vote for best overall Linxer.

    2. The cops in this country will soon have drones buzzing around, shooting our dogs remotely.

      1. Starting to think that there may soon be some PRACTICAL value in having a Barrett light .50….

        Always a FUN value in it…

        1. A long barreled shotgun for Goose/Duck hunting would work much better. And they will not have ballistics…

    3. someday the drone death-robots will be loosed our own country

      That train done left the station.

    4. But at least they will save us from the misery of numbered comments.

    5. Market opportunity for miniature Stingers?

      1. October Sky Part II.

    6. All this drone warfare will inevitably lead to major investment in antiaircraft defenses. Additionally, someone has to be out there developing a system capable of intercepting an ASM.

      1. I think I could throw together a pretty good drone defense with a camera platform, an Arduino, and a shotgun barrel. Technically, illegal. Although, I wonder what effect paintballs would have on at least the lighter quad copter surveillance drones.

  2. 170) If you are willing to break a friendship because your friend supports a bigoted candidate for president, it could be you are the one who’s bigoted.

    1. If I’m stupid enough to take friendship advice from Slate, then I don’t deserve any friends..

    2. What happened to civil discourse and all that garble gargle?

      “Michigan Guy Member
      7 minutes ago

      @You again. I know at least 30 Muslim Republicans – and, no joke, several Muslim Libertarians – my favorite is the annoying cardiologist who insists on getting into our garage poker game. Sigh, as a Sanders guy who hangs out in Dearborn occasionally, I am not as appreciated as I should be.”

      Ah.

      1. I am not as appreciated as I should be.

        Wow does that sum up the Sanders movement in one sentence. Someone should print T-shirts with that phrase on it and the Sanders logo and sell it to the Bernie Bros. They would make a killing.

      2. Oh, that’s Eddie level butt-hurt. So delicious.

      3. Hilarious. “These Muslims are supposed to vote for left-wing causes, just like the blacks and women. Their refusal to vote in their own best interest confuses and disturbs me.”

        “my favorite is the annoying cardiologist who insists on getting into our garage poker game”

        ???

        1. Maybe the guy just doesn’t like Muslims and won’t admit it.

          1. Being a “libertarian Muslim”, he must not be a very good Muslim, or a very good libertarian. Hopefully the former.

            1. Jesus Christ, you’re tiresome. I know a few myself, and I’m not in anything like a hotbed of Muslims. It’s possible for people to actually buck what you think is the trend.

              1. Is there an argument contained in there somewhere? Islam and libertarianism are widely disparate ideologies. This should not be a surprise.

                1. And yet there exist Muslims who are libertarians and vice versa.

                  And in actuality, there are a number of tenets of non-Wahhabi, usually Shi’ite Islam very consistent with individual liberty. Like all major religions, however, it fails on other fronts.

                  1. And yet there exist Muslims who are libertarians and vice versa.

                    I didn’t dispute that. But to be both at the same time, you must necessarily sacrifice the fundamentals of one or the other. They’re mutually exclusive on many key points.

                    And in actuality, there are a number of tenets of non-Wahhabi, usually Shi’ite Islam very consistent with individual liberty

                    Opinion polling paints a different picture of their beliefs about individual liberty. Not to mention, the Koran, which the Shiites are big fans of, is chock full of anti-liberty proscriptions and commandments.

                    1. The Koran is full of all sorts of contradictory prescriptions, including valuing liberty and free inquiry.

                    2. including valuing liberty and free inquiry.

                      After an extremely selective bout of cherry picking, sure. Muslims that deviate the most from their faith in this way are more compatible with a free society. But since valuing liberty and free inquiry are hardly the hallmarks of Muslim societies around the world, it’s clear that level of cherry picking isn’t terribly widespread or even nominally noticeable.

                    3. Most of modern Christianity is the result of cherry picking.

                      Yes, Islam has largely regressed – mostly along with the rise of the House of Saud and especially its funding of madrassas all over the world. Even much of the ’80s was radically different, never mind pre-revolutionary Iran.

                    4. Most of modern Christianity is the result of cherry picking.

                      And society is all the better for it. The moderation of Christianity is testament to the civilizing aspects of Western culture.

                      Yes, Islam has largely regressed – mostly along with the rise of the House of Saud and especially its funding of madrassas all over the world. Even much of the ’80s was radically different, never mind pre-revolutionary Iran.

                      While it’s true that Islamic society is more barbaric now than it was 50 or 60 years ago, doesn’t change the fact that Islam has always had a deficiency of liberty, and respect for it, in those communities. They’ve been behind the civilizational curve since the much fabled Islamic Golden Age, which was “golden” only relative to the uncivilizing trends in Europe at the time and because of non-Islamic scholarship in the Middle East and the relative weakness of religious authorities at the time. It shouldn’t be a shocking or controversial claim to say that Islam as an ideology is less conducive to the libertarian conception of a free society than just about any other prominent religion. Islam has the most authoritarian components of statism ingrained and divinely ordained into it. There’s a reason these societies tend to have so much trouble, historically, generating wealth for the broadest swathe of individuals, from sources other than resource extraction.

                    5. And society is all the better for it. The moderation of Christianity is testament to the civilizing aspects of Western culture.

                      The chicken or the egg? Western culture is a bunch of tribal pagan sects killing one another over Gaul, Ireland, and Scandinavia without Christianity.

              2. “The trend” is their culture. Knowing that people grew up in a certain culture is an important prior for us to make an educated guess at how they might behave. Of course, all people have free will (unless they live under Sharia)

        2. Where does he get the idea that he’s good enough to spend time with us? And he doesn’t even appreciate how tolerant I am.

          1. He is not appreciated as he should be lap and don’t you forget it.

          2. Everyone knows dot Indians are white. Especially male doctors.

  3. …Voters head to the polls today in Pennsylvania

    Keypwned state, am I right?

    1. I am wearing my Pa issued “I voted” sticker as I type

  4. Is the Ted Cruz-John Kasich alliance against Donald Trump already falling apart?

    Before I even had time to care about it??

  5. Fist of Etiquette? Fist of Molasses is more like it.

    1. It’s those extra tags I tried to get away with.

      1. I mean, it’s still technically the first comment, because JATNAS didn’t comment on anything relevant to the official lynx.

        1. Official lynx? Like I can be bound by the rules the man lays down, man.

          1. We just wanna be free to ride our machines and not be hassled by the ma.

            1. ‘Ride our machine’ – not so vague internet porn/masturbation euphemism

              You have to move out of the basement to free yourself from your mother’s expectations.

      2. I read “tags” as “fags” and thought you were out on a Brit smoke break.

  6. The United States is reportedly planning to use “cyberbombs” against ISIS.

    Just like The Net predicted.

    1. + 1 girl from the bus.

  7. The United States is reportedly planning to use “cyberbombs” against ISIS.

    With 0% of the effectiveness of regular bombs.

    1. ISIS Commander: Oh noes! Our email is down!

      1. That would actually be a problem in the US military.

        1. Can you imagine if Powerpoint suddenly stopped working?

          1. *curls into fetal position, sobs*

          2. With 0% of the effectiveness of regular bombs.”

            AND ONLY 1/2 THE CALORIES!!!

          3. My flowchart!!!!

          4. Yay! /designer

      2. Fuck! I can’t access Google Maps! Okay, guys, campaign is over. We’d better turn around and go home before we get lost.

        1. Attack to the left in two and a half miles.

      3. ISIS Commander: Oh noes! Our email is down!

        Then hit them with glitter bombs to take out their conventional mail delivery systems.

        1. This might actually be effective. 500 pounds of glitter would have them digging that crap out of their hair for weeks.

          1. That’d actually be pretty funny. The ISIS fighters would look like the glittery teen vampires from Twilight.

              1. Then the other ISIS fighters will push them off a building and stone them. Brilliant!

              2. Or bestial (as in bestiality). Why limit yourself to humans?

            1. Are you on Team Omar or Team Abdullah? I, personally, think Abdullah is so dreamy.

      4. Kill their link to pr0n and they will kill their goats & camels…. There is a reason they don’t teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in that part of the world..

        Who got triggered?

  8. Can someone explain why anyone should care about a nationwide presidential poll?

    1. Because a weighted electoral college poll is too much work!

      /whining

  9. “Is the Ted Cruz-John Kasich alliance against Donald Trump already falling apart?”

    This reminds me of alliances in Risk. If somebody ever offers you an alliance in Risk, accept it and then proceed exactly as you would have.

    1. Why are you attacking Ukraine?

  10. Super Tuesday, Part IV

    Episode IV: No Hope

  11. …Mrs. Clinton leads Mr. Trump by only 3 percentage points nationally.

    Neither of them are likable enough.

    1. Neither of them are likable enough.

      1. Neither of them are likeable enough

    1. Those criteria do not reflect the actual laziness of the inhabitants. It takes money for a lot of those amenities. Truely lazy cities are broke!

    2. I don’t know about their criteria. I guess “Average hours of sleep” and “Average work hours per week” work pretty well. I didn’t see any entries for “lazy bums who live off off their spouses/parents/trust funds” though.

      1. I was too lazy to beat UCS with his post.

    3. That’s weird – from what i see on the news, Floridians seem like industrious folk. Always busy installing meth labs in the backs of day cares, importing/wrangling exotic wildlife, stealing cop cars, masturbating in K-Mart, etc.

      1. Occasionally masturbating exotic wildfire in a stolen cop car while brewing meth…

        1. Sounds hot!

        2. masturbating exotic wildfire

          How does one… you know, never mind.

          1. He’s talking about chlamydia.

            1. +1 Sad Koala

      2. It’s retired Yankees that bring down our per capita productivity.
        *wipes sweat off brow, continues to bypass catalytic converter.*

  12. Man upset after restaurant runs out of soup

    A Texas lawyer upset that he wasn’t provided a cup of soup during a recent meal has notified a restaurant owner that he’ll sue if not reimbursed the $2.25 for the soup.

    Dwain Downing also is seeking $250 in attorney fees for the time spent drafting a letter sent to Benji Arslanovski, who operates Our Place Restaurant in the Fort Worth suburb of Mansfield.

    Downing says the soup was listed on the menu as part of a Saturday special. He says the restaurant offered no discount or substitution when it ran out.

    The lawyer argued the menu amounts to a contract with the customer and Arslanovski violated the terms of the contract.

    1. Downing also is seeking $250 in attorney fees for the time spent drafting a letter sent to Benji Arslanovski

      Cheapskate.

    2. 1L Contracts class should’ve taught the guy that the menu is not a contract.

      1. Experience taught the guy that go away money is the easiest money. The object in the vast majority legal proceedings is not winning a judgment, it’s making the other guy pay to avoid unrecoverable expenses in defending a suit.

      2. Experience has taught him that the law doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you can get away with.

        1. Pretty much. He should be hit with some sanctions for wasting taxpayer resources and to keep him from trying this sort of bullshit again.

      3. 1L Contracts should’ve taught you that an advertisement can potentially be a contract (or, more accurately, an offer for a unilateral contract) if the language in the advertisement is sufficiently specific. That’s part of the reason that advertisements often say things like, “supplies are limited,” “colors may vary,” etc., so as to avoid the advertisement being construed as providing all the necessary terms to form a contract. Lefkowitz v. Great Minneapolis Surplus Store, 86 N.W.2d 689 (Minn. 1957) is probably the most frequently taught case on this issue.

        That said, since the suit is seeking not just damages, but attorney fees, I strongly suspect that the suit is not merely being brought as a contract claim (since fees aren’t normally recoverable in a breach of contract suit absent a prevailing party provision), but also under some sort of consumer protection/false advertising statute that provides for fee shifting. Those typically allow an award of damages in a much wider range of circumstances than an ordinary contract case with the plaintiff only needing to show that the advertisement influenced their behavior, not that an actual contract was formed.

        1. I am aware of that. I am also aware that the story said that the menu did indeed say “while supplies last”.

    3. Another lawyer tried something similar when a dry cleaner misplaced his pants for a few days.

      It ruined said lawyer’s career by exposing the litigious, unreasonable asshole he was.

      1. It ruined said lawyer’s career by exposing the litigious, unreasonable asshole he was.

        Justice, ftw

      2. It ruined said lawyer’s career by exposing the litigious, unreasonable asshole he was.

        I guess every other lawyer is better at hiding it?

        1. Well, some of us rank above the litigious, unreasonable assholes on the food chain.

          In short, we eat them for lunch.

          Here’s how we handle nuisance suits:

          I have a pipe-hitting defense firm that I specifically instruct to go all medieval on their ass. When we get a nuisance suit, I pay them a retainer equal to the amount demanded by the plaintiff. I tell the plaintiff what I have done, so they understand its not about the money, which I would rather pay to my lawyers than to somebody elses.

          I have yet to lose one of these. The plaintiffs, so far, have just gone away.

    4. “And don’t get me started on their so-called ‘all you can eat’ special…those lying weasels…”

      1. LOL

        Even worse are those “all you care to eat” specials.

        1. (Joke inspired by Homer Simpson.)

        2. YOU BEEN HERE FOH OURS! THIS IS ALL YOU CAN EAT NOT EAT ALL YOU CAN!

      2. This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Never-Ending Story.

        1. You, Sir, are the greatest hero in American history!

      3. At Jerry’s All-You-Can-Eat Country Kitchen Buffet, there’s a couple of very large guys named Tiny that tell you “that’s all you can eat” when they decide you’ve had enough.

    5. I don’t understand why people don’t respect attorneys.

      1. I don’t understand why people don’t respect attorneys.

        John.

        1. I loom large old man. Don’t forget it.

    6. He is getting wtfpwned on Google and Yelp. Probably the most expensive bowl of soup he’ll never get.

    7. Dwain “The Tub I’m” Downing

    8. Better Call, err, Dwain?

  13. “The United States is reportedly planning to use “cyberbombs” against ISIS.”

    “By Allah, according to this email there is a pill which can make me able to satisfy all my wives – all I have to do is give my location and they’ll deliver it in person.”

    1. Man uses this one weird trick to please Allah, see what happens next!

      1. My third wife’s cousin’s neighbor made 7,352 dollars last month, and bought a new Ford F150 pickup, working a few hours a day from her cave for 36 dollars per hour.

  14. On Monday, the Pennsylvania Superior Court refused to hear entertainer Bill Cosby’s request to dismiss the criminal case against him…

    And instead heard Bill Cosby: Himself and laughed and laughed.

    1. Then they saw Leonard Part 6 and sentenced him to twenty years in prison.

      1. Whew! Bullet dodged, Ghost Dad would have gotten the chair.

  15. Florida Man busted for having sex in public pool, chasing and trying to hit children

    Witnesses told the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputy that Austin David Misiak was having sexual intercourse in the pool at Heather Glenn Apartments on Saturday with an unknown woman.

    When they asked him to stop because there were children present, he got out and started chasing kids and trying to hit them, according to his OCSO arrest report.

    He then yelled at an adult male who tried to walk away, before turning to a 15-year-old girl who told him to stop chasing the children and the other man.

    Misiak moved toward her as if he was going to hit her, at which point her boyfriend stepped in front of her to protect her.

    Misiak, who was highly intoxicated, tried to hit the boyfriend, who was also a juvenile, but missed, the report said.

    The boyfriend landed two punches.

    1. Was it a woman or a manatee?

      1. Is there a difference in Florida?

          1. That’s helpful but I need more evidence.

        1. I suggest you hang out for a few hours at a bar across the street from the college in Gainesville or Tallahassee to find the answer to that question.

        2. Manatees don’t wear bikinis.

          1. Well, maybe yours doesn’t.

    2. Misiak, who was highly intoxicated

      Unlike his splash partner?

    3. Cockblocked, beat down by a teenager, humiliated by kids, and arrested? So it’s Saturday?

    4. “Austin David Misiak was having sexual intercourse in the pool…with an unknown woman.”

      I’m trying to figure out how he got this started. Must have gotten some game tips from Johnny Longtorso.

      1. First, get her drunk. Then get yourself drunk. Now let nature take its course.

    5. Florida man had sex with a woman he didn’t know?

      1. Florida man didn’t know he had sex with a woman?

      2. That gives him the best odds.

  16. The United States is reportedly planning to use “cyberbombs” against ISIS.

    I assume this will be sharing, on Twitter, a video of John Oliver eviscerating ISIS.

    1. Is the Daily Show still on? It occurs to me that it has been quite some time since I’ve seen a headline about theDaily Show LITERALLY DECAPITATING some Republican strawmanperson.

      1. It is still on, but the current showrunner is terrible, so John Oliver’s show has taken a lot of the audience from what I understand.

        1. BIM BAM BAP!! Spot on!! And John Oliver is the new INSUFFERABLY SMUG LIBERAL!!!

        2. I thought John Oliver took over the Daily Show.

          1. In some sense, you’re right. But this idiot is the official host of The Daily Show.

            1. I lose track of my smug idiots.

  17. Apparently Amy Schumer feels responsible because she made a shitty movie and somebody shot someone else at a screening. Somebody help me here, I really don’t understand stupid.

    Starting to cry, the 34-year-old comedian adds, “So my publicist told me. And then I put on the news. I was by myself in a hotel, and I was just like, I wish I never wrote that movie.”

    Schumer says that when her friends attempted to comfort her by telling her that she wasn’t at fault, it only made it worse. “I just felt helpless and stupid,” she says.

    1. “I just felt helpless and stupid,” she says.

      She’s at least 50% correct.

    2. What happened to her? She used to get weird on Fox News’s Redeye, and now it is like she has chosen to embody every stereotype of a whiny feminist.

      1. I think she found out that it improves her image with whiny feminists.

      2. Maybe she’s angling for a position in Uncle Schumer’s office.

    3. And then she ate five whole wedding cakes.

      1. In her defense, she drank some lemon cucumber water while stuffing those cakes down her throat.

  18. Ted Cruz is reportedly vetting Carly Fiorina…

    If you know what I mean.

    1. With a face like *that*?

      1. I hope the kid gets his eyebrows and her mouth.

    2. “Now, Fist, you know I don’t like no horsing around on the aircraft.”

  19. Cash-strapped ISIS offers $50 a month to fighters ? but more if they own sex slaves

    The base salary offered to the worker named al-Jiburi was a pittance, just $50 a month. But even the cash-challenged Islamic State knew it had to do more to sustain the loyalty of a man with nine mouths to feed.

    A crinkled wage voucher breaks it down by family member: For each of his two wives, al-Jiburi would receive an extra $50. For each of his six children under age 15, he would get another $35. Any “female captive”? sex slave ? would entitle him to an additional $50. For al-Jiburi, described in the document as a service worker for the terrorist group, the monthly total came to $360, payable in U.S. greenbacks.

    Salary details and other minutiae of life in the Islamic State are contained in a series of unusual documents released Friday by a scholarly journal. The records, all official documents from inside the group’s self-declared caliphate, collectively reinforce the prevailing impression of an organization under strain, struggling to compensate its fighters and workers, and forced to ration electricity, fuel and other resources.

    1. So it pays to be a sheep herder over there.

    2. Doesn’t having to supply your own sex slave take away most of the reason anyone would want to join ISIS?

    3. Funny they use the currency of The Great Satan.

      1. The jokes on them isn’t it?

    4. The software to compute all this is Turban Tax.

    5. Two wives and he still needs sex slaves?

  20. Oh those euphemisms.
    “Chinese firm’s missing wealth manager was ‘meditating in the Gobi'”.
    http://goo.gl/q0Q9wQ

  21. The sick website predicting which celebrity will DIE NEXT

    David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince and other beloved entertainers, and DeathList.net says Britain can expect more of the same throughout the next few months.

    The macabre site has been blasted as “very sinister” by social media users, one of who said: “What is our world coming to? Deathlist.com, people betting on when celebrities will kick the bucket, sports pools not enough?”

    The secretive owners of the sick website draw up a list of 50 celebrities every year, which in 2016 features Forsyth, Prince Phillip, Paul Gascoigne, Stephen Hawking, Gordon Banks, Jimmy Greaves, Muhammad Ali, Fidel Castro and Desmond Tutu.

    1. You messed up the link.

      But has nobody from The Express ever heard of a Death Pool?

      1. I bet they haven’t heard of International Women’s Day, either.

      2. I heard an interview with a guy on morning radio once who actually made money on death pools. He researched celebrity’s health and habits and had made a killing off of several deaths. For example, when he found out that JFK Jr. had bought his plane, he checked with pilots who told him the plane was wicked difficult to fly and that it was doubtful JFK Jr, had to skills to safely do it given his experience. So he put money on JFK Jr and the rest is history.

        1. That plane was not difficult to fly. I’ve flown one. JFK Jr. was just an overconfident idiot.

          1. I guess it is not difficult if you have the right experience and don’t take it out to fly on instruments at night over water. I think the poor guy was probably a victim of a nagging bitch wife. I think his wife didn’t want to wait until morning and nagged him into flying up there at night. Dumb move.

            1. Whatever reasons you might think you have to go right now, the number one job of the pilot is to know when to say “No, that’s a bad idea”

              IIRC, he was not finished with his instrument rating and he was flying in clouds, over water. Spatial disorientation is a real risk that any pilot should be aware of.

              1. I am not a pilot but have known a decent number of them. And they all tell me that it is amazing how people will go get pilot’s licenses and treat a plane like a car. If the weather is bad in a car, you can pull over and stop. If the car breaks down chances are you just get stranded. If you mess up and wreck a car, you nearly always walk away. Of course, if any of those things happen with a plane, you likely die along with your passengers. Yet some people never understand that and take up planes in weather the aircraft wasn’t designed for or in conditions they are not competent to fly in. The big thing out in the plains is wind. Pilots don’t want to miss their chance to fly take their single engine Cessna up in high winds, which occur about 60% of the days out there and it ends badly.

              2. I am shocked to learn that a Kennedy’s overconfidence put him into a situation that he had no business being in.

                I assume he dealt with the adversity in the same way the rest of his family has.

                1. In fairness, he probably figured if anything happened he could just swim away from the pane and go sober up before he called the cops.

                2. I assume he dealt with the adversity in the same way the rest of his family has.

                  If you mean by imbibing large amounts of liquids, then yes, I think he did.

                  1. And pills. Don’t forget the pills.

                    1. I hear womanizing helps, also.

        2. and had made a killing off of several deaths.

          an unfortunate phrasing

      3. They’ve never heard of crowd-funded assassination? I heard Ben Bernanke was the top draw on one site, which leads me to believe there’s more hard-core libertarians out there than I thought.

        1. I think they did an episode of “The Blacklist” based on this

    2. So what if the list exists??

      Is it ACCURATE??

    3. What? No Lou Reed?

    4. Chuck Berry. And I will weep and weep.

    5. They didn’t predict Lonnie Mack, so they suck.

    6. “What is our world coming to?”

      As if before the internet people were never ever engaging in such behavior or betting.

  22. English jury finds 96 fans who died at soccer match in 1989 were unlawfully killed.

    Yeah, I know English soccer. But this is a pretty big deal. There was no rioting involved, most were crushed to death and almost half died because rescue services failed to get there in time. BUT, what’s really despicable is that the police covered up their own incompetence for decades including changing witness testimonies after they were submitted and blamed fans’ alcohol consumption. Part of the jury decisions makes the police official in charge criminally responsible for some of the deaths.

    1. Police cover up?

      UNPOSSIBLE!

      1. No, its “police held criminally responsible”? UNPOSSIBLE.

    2. As a Liverpool supporter, I’ve seen more news on this than most, but… 27 years. 27 fucking years before the total story of absolute police incompetence and lying was exposed. 27 years to expose the absolute bullshit that was the S*n’s headline the next day blaming the fans.

      Everyone in the South Yorkshire Police Department, everyone at the S*n, they can all rot in Hell.

      Justice for the 96.

      1. Wikipedia has a quote from one of the earlier inquiries along the lines of, “despite the findings that alcohol was not a cause, the myth of alcohol has been remarkably durable.” Well, yeah, when people in authority keep propagating a myth, what do you expect?

      2. Justice for the 96

        I saw a documentary on this a year or two ago, maybe it was ESPN? Appalling – but that’s SOP for government agents regardless of the uniform they wear.

        1. ESPN did a 30 for 30 on Hillsborough a couple of years ago. It was great.

          1. I saw that and it was great. The police and the media were appalling. The media slandered every soccer fan in England and Liverpool fans in particular all based on a lie. The worst part was that the cops fired the old police captain who knew what he was doing right before the match and put in the idiot who spent the entire event holed up in a command center panicking.

            1. My dad, a late-ish comer to soccer, STILL can’t let go of the reputation that English soccer was saddled with in the ’80s, and he loves the game. I imagine there are a lot of early Boomers with the same long memories.

              1. That’s because they were that bad.

                My friends and family told me stories of their behavior in Italy when they traveled there.

                No other word than barbaric to describe it.

                1. Yep.

                  I studied in Manchester in the early 80’s. When City were playing ‘nited, it was always a damn good idea to either lock yourself in, or find a reason to hang out somewhere safer and more civilized.

                  Like Belfast
                  Or Mogadishu.

                2. Starting fights, getting drunk, flipping tables, insulting locals etc.

                3. Right, but it’s more the Italians (and really, the Eastern Europeans) lately and the English are extraordinarily well-behaved. That’s the point – it’s changed dramatically, but people refuse to believe it.

                  1. Nope. Italian tifosi don’t cause trouble abroad, Timon.

                    At home yes, but they don’t travel like the English did.

                    Not even close buddy. Not then and not now.

                    1. Cite me an incident in Europe where Italian soccer fans commit anywhere near the trouble the English (and to be fair the Dutch and Germans were pretty out of control too) did in the 80s and 90s.

                    2. Jesus, Rufus, defensive much? Though I didn’t differentiate, yes, I realize that Italian fans don’t seem to cause problems away, but they definitely do at home.

                      The traveling trouble seems mostly to come from the Balkans (I remember that Croatia-Italy qualifier, I think? where the match was suspended for quite some time because of Croatian fan trouble – wasn’t that long ago).

                    3. Not at all. Sorry if it came off that way.

                      You inferred they’re just as bad; they’re not. At home between rival teams they get pretty bad but overall, meh. I’ve seen this once too many times ‘yeah the English are bad but wooo those Italians!’ The Italians are pikers next to the hooligans of yesteryear.

                      And to be clear. I grew up in the 70s, 80s and 90s and remember those days very well. Among my favorite players were Daglish, Conti, Rumminigge, Scifo and Cruyff.

                    4. And I agree at the moment Central/Eastern Europeans are probably the most violent/aggressive but again, they don’t seem to cause trouble abroad – that I’ve heard.

                      The bottom line is England, Holland and Germany earned their hooligan reps (even though the concept of the hooligan/tifosi seems to have originated in Italy!) because they took it abroad busting shit up along the way.

                    5. Only Italians throw Vespas from the upper bowl of the San Siro.

                      I did not mean to imply they were anything close to as bad as the yobs who eventually helped precipitate the Taylor Report and the preceding ban on European football for English clubs.

                      Actually, in the early 2000s, the nexus of the violent firm warfare seemed to hover in the Netherlands for a time, though often they didn’t even make it to the grounds to cause problems – they’d arrange huge fights elsewhere.

                      Now in Europe it’s turned mostly into a way to hold political demonstrations in the former Yugoslavia and Ukraine – which I believe was the origin of the Croatia-Italy trouble which caused the return fixture to be played either behind closed doors or at UEFA’s favorite neutral territory, Cyprus – can’t remember which.

                      Most of the violence globally these days originates outside the game itself and in corrupt politics. That and woeful safety and security (see Africa every other month or so).

                    6. “Only Italians throw Vespas from the upper bowl of the San Siro.”

                      And chant psycho songs.

                      Heh. I was at the San Siro during the Milan derby. Let’s just say he kept looking over our shoulders.

                      And well stated above. The whole Croatia-Italy thing was just bizarre; plus the two countries tend to get along so that was most unfortunate if not irrational on their part.

                      Now South America…

                    7. Milan derby in 2000 that is. Or was it 1999? I can’t remember.

                    8. I should add. The viewing experience is far better in England than Italy at the moment.

                      Italy needs to rethink its experience and build new stadiums. England and Germany deserve immense credit for changing things and for being a model to Italy.

                    9. I think a lot of it came from the widespread belief in the 1960s and 1970s, even through the 1980s that huge, bowl-like, multipurpose facilities are awesome. The US and Canada went through that phase, too.

                      I think stadium design hadn’t really become a big thing in architecture firms, either. What we saw post-Taylor in England and are seeing now in the US is nothing short of amazing as far as facilities go. Columbus Crew Stadium led the way in 1999 out of necessity, but Lamar Hunt made sure to hire a design firm that at least had an inkling of how a soccer stadium should roughly be made. Now it looks like an aluminum relic (but still has a ton of cachet) when compared to Sporting Park and the new generation of awesome stadiums.

                    10. As usual, informative points. Thanks.

                    11. And advanced apologies if I misread your comment!

                      Thanks.

                4. That was one of the reasons the police got away with blaming the fans. And Heysel was only four years earlier when Liverpool fans were responsible so it was an easy sell.

          2. I think that one was the best of all of the 30 for 30s.

          3. All of ESPN’s films with soccer as the subject have been pretty damn great, surprisingly. Hillsborough was excellent, meaning it caused me to have all sorts of rage despite not caring all that much for LFC itself.

      3. I thought this inquest ended last year, the Sun apologized already, etc.? Not sure what’s new now.

        1. The official verdict came in today.

          The S*n “apologized”, but it was a “We believed the police so it wasn’t really our fault” apology, and everyone involved said it was too little, too late.

          1. everyone involved said it was too little, too late

            Yeah, right?!

    3. My favorite was the newspaper (The Sun?) which led the next day with “fans pissing on the dead” or some such.

      1. The S*n is still boycotted in Liverpool, and it probably always will be. Liverpool players will generally never talk to the paper. The LFC official website won’t link to stories from the paper.

        Shortly after the headline ran, when the boycott was being ramped up, people were burning copies of the S*n in the street. Newsstands were refusing to stock it (they still do, but some of them are forced to by their distributors). One of the higher ups in the paper called Kenny Daglish (Liverpool manager at the time, and absolute club legend) and asked him what they could do. Kenny told him to run a headline in the same style and typeface, but instead have it say “WE LIED”. S*n higher up said “We cannot do that”. King Kenny said “then I cannot help you”.

        1. Kenny told him to run a headline in the same style and typeface, but instead have it say “WE LIED”.

          Nice. (Another Liverpool supporter here.)

    4. One more thing about this and then I’m done. Well, probably not done.

      The only reason this happened is because the families never. stopped. fighting. For 27 years, they demanded answers. They called out the police and the government at every opportunity. If they hadn’t done that, this inquiry and the verdict never would have happened.

      1. I wonder if families will have to wait 27 years for a Rotherham inquest.

        1. Something happened in Rotherham?!?! I don’t recall reading anything about that in papers here….

          Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. curious.

    5. Fuck. I had the over.

  23. Apple Results to Show How Far iPhone Sales Have Fallen

    Apple’s stock has fallen 18 percent in the past 12 months amid mounting investor concern that customers are upgrading their phones less regularly. That could mean that demand for iPhones, which accounted last quarter for two-thirds of Apple’s revenue, has peaked. The Cupertino, California-based company’s introduction last month of the lower cost iPhone SE was partly seen as an effort to secure new customers in countries such as China or India — emerging markets where a growing middle class has a mounting appetite for status symbol consumer products.

    I recently upgraded to from the 5S to the 6S. The new phone is better but not remarkably so. Jumping from the ol’ 3GS to the 5S, on the other hand, was a big step in quality.

    1. Its not the phone so much as their ever worsening operating system. Every upgrade makes it worse.

      1. No, it’s the phones. Upgrades are marginal and that cost is made more apparent now that carriers have split out the subsidization.

        1. YEs. But I will still like my Iphone if the operating system didn’t suck so bad. It used to be great. And now it is horrible.

          1. Yet adoption stats show that people are upgrading their old phones to the new OSes at very high rates. They don’t seem to have a prohibitive problem with the OS upgrades. They seem to have a problem paying $750+ for a phone with a new camera that takes photos virtually indistinguishable from those of the old camera or force touch displays or whatever. And possibly for getting screwed on the cost of additional storage.

            Personally, I’m not sure what the 7 would have to have to make it worth it for me to pay nearly $100 to switch from my 6 Plus.

            1. Me either. And at some point, a phone can only get so good. Just how high a definition of pictures of junior and grandma do you need to take? How much music and aps do you need to store on the thing?

              We have hit the point where the marginal value of increased functionality is pretty small. To me at least, the only reason I would want an upgrade is if it got smaller and lighter. And every new version of the Iphone seems to get bigger.

              1. 64K of RAM ought to be enough for anyone.

            2. OK, for $100 it would be an easy choice. $1000, not so much. Damned lack of editing.

            3. I’m going from a three year old 5 to an SE. And I used to be a bleeding edge guy. But, honestly, I don’t need the biggest phone or the best camera. I use my phone for texting my family, reading this website, checking email, taking cute pics of my kids, and listening to music in the car and working out. None of which requires a giant screen or 4K video capable camera. If I had bought the largest storage option on the 5, I’s just keep that. It was the same with the iPad. I got one literally the day it came out. I finally replaced it last Christmas because it was 4 major OS versions behind. There’s no way people are paying for new versions outside of the auto upgrade plans.

            4. Apple of course can control which phones get the OS upgrades.

          2. My problem with Apple (and to a somewhat lesser extent with Android) is the fucking bloatware that you can’t get rid of without voiding the warranty.

            Fuck them. Fuck them all.

            My tablet is more than a year old, so I’m going to jailbreak it to clean it up. Oh, and fuck them all.

            1. My thought is, I bought my phone, I own my phone. If I want to root it or put whatever operating system on it that I want, within reason, that should be allowed. I wish carriers would stop forcing OS updates and software uniformity. All I want from my carrier is access to their network, not their software bloat and force-placed advertisements.

  24. Venezuela’s Economic Success Fueled Its Electricity Crisis

    It’s not that the country didn’t invest in its electrical infrastructure, according to Victor Silverman, a historian at Pomona College who’s been studying the country’s energy crisis. Under Chavez’s presidency, the country invested around $10 billion in electrical generation, he says. “The problem is that [energy] consumption has increased much faster than that,” he tells CityLab, “about 63 percent over that same period.”

    The current crisis is essentially what Silverman calls a problem of the country’s own economic success. Though Venezuela currently grapples with a poverty rate between 75 and 80 percent amid its economic recession, it did once see a remarkable decline in poverty under Chavez?from 50 percent in 1998 to 30 percent in 2013, according to the World Bank. “The Venezuelan economy reduced poverty at one of the most rapid rates in the world, and certainly one of the most rapid rates in Latin America over the past 20 years,” he says. “That meant people had the money to buy refrigerators, air conditioners, and ? hairdryers.”

    1. Economic success?

      Alright, that’s a story from The Onion, isn’t it?

      1. The poverty rate went from 30% to 80 % in three years. That just shows what wreckers can do to the people’s economy.

      2. No. They seriously claimed the shortages caused by their price controls were the product of people being able to buy larger quantities of staples than they could before.

        It’s a variant of Benie Sander’s “breadlines are a sign of a healthy society” thinking.

        1. There’s on old saying that if they’re just reporting the rate, then the real story is in the raw numbers, and if they’re just reporting the raw numbers, then the real story is in the rate.

          See also: minimum wage “reducing” unemployment

    2. In a perverse sense, he’s correct. When economies improve drastically, governments overspend. Socialist governments really overspend. In effect, the parasites kill their host just when the host becomes viable.

      1. I think we’re seeing this unfold in China now. Much more slowly but when it picks up, look out.

        1. I’d argue we’re seeing it here in the US as well. The host is just more robust and can tolerate more.

    3. Yeah, that’s it. It’s economic success.

      “[Venezuela’s] Electricity subsidies appear to have increased in recent years to about 2 percent of GDP.”

      From IMF Working Paper, “Energy Subsidies in Latin America and the Caribbean, Stocktaking and Policy Challenges”, 2015, page 68, https://www.imf.org/external/pubs/ft/ wp/2015/wp1530.pdf

  25. Footprints: Deaths raise spectre of dope

    Matloob had started training at a nearby gym at the age of 13 and was soon employed as a trainer there. Though he had never participated in a bodybuilding championship, the boys he helped train have won medals in several competitions.

    “He was crazy about this sport,” says his elder brother Mehboob Ahmed, a welder by profession. “But God took him away only two days before the contest.”

    Matloob was the fourth bodybuilder to die within the short span of two and a half weeks between April 2 and 19. Like him, two others ? Hamid Ali aka Ustad Gujju from Sialkot and Rizwan Ahmed from Gujranwala ? were reported to have suffered sudden heart attacks. The fourth, Hamayoun Khurram, who was from Lahore and a gold medallist in the recent South Asian Bodybuilding Championship, is claimed by his family to have died after his trachea tore whilst eating.

    1. “to have died after his trachea tore whilst eating.”

      Good God, slow down and chew the food a bit.

      1. That is one of the most fucked-up things I have ever read…

  26. “COLLUSION,” Donald roared. “CONSPIRACY!”

    “You did this,” the hair muttered to the hat.

    “You blame everything on me,” the hat shot back.

    Donald took a handful of thinly-sliced deli turkey and began to massage the cold, flaky meat into the hot flesh of his testicles.

    “I love craft services,” Donald moaned. “Where is Corey? I want Corey!’

    “He’s still outside punching women,” the hair told him.

    “Beating up mouthy bitches is how we are going to make America great again,” the hat declared.

    “Really? Quoting yourself?” the hair asked.

    Before the hat could answer, Donald screamed again, “COREY!”

    Donald dropped the ruined meat on the floor and used both hands to rub chive sour cream into his glistening nipples. A door opened and Corey was pushed through it before it slammed close again.

    “Sir? You asked for me?” he asked nervously. Blood dripped from his torn knuckles.

    “Collusion, Corey,” Donald said. “They are colluding against me. They are all against me.” Corey turned away as Donald pushed a series of three baby carrots into his anus.

    “Are you OK, sir?” Corey asked.

    “I hunger, Corey. I’m eating,” he said, spreading roasted red pepper hummus on the folds of his neck.

    1. “Tell him he’s a long-drink of faggot, Donald,” the hat whispered. “Tell him to suck a carrot out of your ass.” Donald waved the hat’s words away like he was beset by flies.

      “Whose blood is that, Corey? Who’s colluding against me now?”

      “Some bitch,” Corey replied. “She thought she could say anything she liked.”

      “Who sent her? Ted? His little catamite Marco? Hillary? They collude, Corey. They collude against me. I’m so dangerous. I have to be stopped.”

      “Yes, sir. Maybe all three, sir.”

      “Come here, Corey.” Donald waved to boy toward him, flinging hummus around the room.

      “Sir?”

      “Come over here!” Donald yelled.

      “Collusion,” Donald mumbled as Corey walked slowly toward him.

      “That was a really bad idea,” the hair whispered.

      “What are you talking about?” the hat asked.

      When Corey was close, Donald’s hand shot out, obscenely fast for the bloated rich, and caught Corey’s wrist.

      “Collusion,” Donald mumbled again and began to lick the blood from Corey’s knuckles.

      “You should have never given him that ‘Word of the Day’ toilet paper,” the hair said.

      1. Glorious. It’s too bad that the next president, whoever he or she is, will imprison you for this kind of thing.

      2. Donald dropped the ruined meat on the floor and used both hands to rub chive sour cream into his glistening nipples.

        Fucking poetry, that is.

      3. Wonderful, but why would that ruin the meat?

        1. By that point it was clearly over-salted.

          1. You could still eat it on a triskit with a little horseradish.

      4. “A door opened and Corey was pushed through it before it slammed close again.”

        It’s beautiful details like this that really make this into true literature.

      5. His little catamite Marco?

        As ever, there’s a pearl in there, if you have the stomach for it.

      6. You should get into writing, or possibly editing(Reason needs both).

  27. Facial recognition service becomes a weapon against Russian porn actresses

    Hoping to raise concerns about the potential misuses of FindFace, Tsvetkov seems to have inspired a particularly nasty effort to identify and harass Russian women who appear in pornography. On April 9, three days after the media reported on Tsvetkov’s art project, users of the Russian imageboard “Dvach” (2chan) launched a campaign to deanonymize actresses who appear in pornography. After identifying these women with FindFace, Dvach users shared archived copies of their Vkontakte pages, and spammed the women’s families and friends with messages informing them about the discovery. The effort also targeted women registered on the website “Intimcity,” which markets prostitution services.

    The Internet users behind the doxing campaign say their motivation is moral outrage, claiming that women in the sex industry are “corrupt and deceptive.” (Tellingly, Dvach users also complained that such women typically ignore the kind of men who make up Dvach’s audience.)

    1. “(Tellingly, Dvach users also complained that such women typically ignore the kind of men who make up Dvach’s audience.)”

      You mean poor people?

      1. I see the makings of a blackmail operation here.

      2. Vanya Dlinn-tors must be a member of Dvach.

    2. claiming that women in the sex industry are “corrupt and deceptive.”

      In other words, they won’t sleep with him.

      1. Whore : noun, def. a woman who won’t sleep with the speaker. syn. slut

        1. – See also: Lesbian

  28. On Guns, Clinton Runs Both Left and Right, Depending on Her Audience

    On Wednesday, Hillary Clinton gave an address at Philadelphia’s St. Paul’s Baptist Church. With a nod to Pennsylvania’s high rate of gun ownership, she declared: “There is a Second Amendment, there are constitutional rights. We aren’t interested in taking away guns of lawful, responsible gun owners.”

    But in New York City in the fall, she told donors: “The Supreme Court is wrong on the Second Amendment, and I am going to make that case every chance that I get.” In Maryland last Thursday, Chelsea Clinton reiterated that point, promising that her mom would appoint to the Supreme Court justices who would overturn past decisions that struck down local and state gun-control measures. Given that the only laws that the Supreme Court has objected to are complete gun bans or laws that made it a crime to chamber a bullet, one wonders what “constitutional rights” Clinton was talking about preserving in Philadelphia.

    1. She was talking about lawful, responsible gun owners. You know, government agents.

      1. I wish anytime she uttered that someone would respond with “So, you don’t want anymore gun legislation? Because lawful, responsible gun owners are not committing any crimes with guns…”

    2. I love it that Chealsea got up and told the truth. You should never let your kids near the family business.

      1. Is she clueless or does she hate her mother?

        1. She is clueless. They talk about idiot sons (and now daughters) for a reason.

          1. Wouldn’t you?

    3. At last night’s “town hall” Hillary came as close as I’ve ever heard her to ascribing *some* responsibility for “gun violence” to the shooters. But they are influenced by the gun lobby and the gun culture, so we must fix that.

    4. So, how does one properly store and seal a gun for burial? How long does duct tape last underground? What gauge plastic to use? Type and quantity of storage lubricant?

      1. I wouldn’t think that it would be very difficult to get a handgun into a safe deposit box. Just package it up first, of course.

        1. That requires paying someone. Subterranian caching can be cheaper if one puts the up-front investment in to protect the materials.

      2. Traditionally, cosmoline.

      3. Let me give you a good conspiracy theory to chew on. A few years ago the AMA got all hot and bothered about guns and made it standard practice for doctors to ask their patients if they owned guns and of course scold them if they did. The AMA decided to treat guns as a health problem and owning a gun no different than a patient who smoked. So now assuming you didn’t like the fact that you own a gun is in your health records.

        Meanwhile, Obamacare mandated that your health records be stored electronically and effectively made them available to the government. So when the time comes for that mandatory nation wide gun buy back, the government will have a quick and ready source for determining everyone in America who owns a gun.

        1. That’s why I am going to bury my guns if I am required to hand them over.

          A safe deposit box is not a bad idea at all but – how safe is it from a search warrant? I honestly have no idea.

          1. It wouldn’t be. I think if they ever tried to do a mandated buy back, the civil disobedience would be so rampant that they would have to go house to house in every neighborhood in America to enforce it. And I am doubtful they would have the competence to do that much less the will.

          2. A safe deposit box is not a bad idea at all but – how safe is it from a search warrant?

            When the sainted FDR confiscated the nation’s gold, federal agents went from bank to bank, opening the safety deposit boxes and seizing any gold they found.

            If you are afraid the government will seize something, a safety deposit box is one of the last places to consider hiding it in.

          3. The practical.

            A safe deposit box stops people who aren’t able to get hold of a subpoena and a hacksaw. Given that both are readily available to the people you don’t want to get your guns, forget a safe deposit box.

            Realistically, a length of schedule 40 pipe, some end caps, and purple sealant. That’ll keep your shit isolated from the elements for as long as you’re likely to care. Cut tube to required length, seal one end with purple sealant. Drop in a few bags of ammo (in their own plastic freezer bags, with a couple of silica gel pouches), Slather your firearms in cosmolene if you can get it, petroleum gel (vaseline or generic) if you can’t and wrap them in cling film. Drop a few extra silica gel packs in there. And maybe anything else you’d find useful if you had to unearth the ‘pod’ while pursued by undesirable elements) . Seal the tube with the other cap, and bury it.

            Personally, I’d tie-wrap a pipe cable saw to the tube too. It’ll rust eventually but they’re cheap and they will get you into the tube if you need to get into it in a hurry.

            Then bury it somewhere where you can find it at need. It need not be outdoors. You could drop it down between the studs in a drywall. I keep one in the sump well in the basement.

            1. Oh, last thought. Consider this a PSA, if you like.

              Vaseline will protect for years if applied on all surfaces. And a vaselene-slathered firearm is usually good to go with a wipe-over. Same goes for aquaphor, which I’ve heard some people use.

              Cosmolene is good for decades, but please don’t try and fire a gun coated with cosmolene without cleaning in thoroughly first. It’s really not a good idea.

            2. Excellent. Thank you Number.6

          4. That’s why I am going to bury my guns if I am required to hand them over.

            I’ll sacrifice a couple as cover, but bury the rest (save one handgun).

            1. I’ve acquired all 0-10 of mine through gift or through the gun show loophole. If the government goes by ATF forms, I’m gun-free.

        2. Pediatrician: Do you have any guns in your house?
          Me: That’s not your concern.
          Pediatrician: Guns are a safety risk.
          Me: Not as much as the drive here.
          Pediatrician: So you’re not going to answer?
          Me: I did answer.
          Pediatrician: Sigh.

          1. I don’t answer either. God those questions piss me off.

            1. Better answer: “No, of course not”
              Bickering with the doctor results in him noting “probably has guns in house”.

              1. True. I am a dumb objector. the smart objector just lies.

              2. Maybe if that were the only “That’s not your concern” answer.

                We’ve basically reached an understanding that I’m there to see if there are any medical issues and that I am not interested in her input on self-defense, home safety, diet, discipline, birth control, or any other topic on which I am reasonably capable of determining a suitable course of action without needing to have gone to medical school.

          2. Real Answer: “Put this down on the form Doc, Go Fuck Yourselves.”

        3. Conspiracy theory, or conspiracy fact?

        4. For some reason, my doctors have never asked me that. Probably because they knew me well enough to know better.

          1. A common tactic would be to ask your kids. That’s my experience.

            Nice, huh?

            Fortunately, my kids are great at saying “Uhhh, I dunno”

            1. If I had kids, they’d know me well enough to know better than to ask them.

          2. My Doctor likes guns too, he never asks me. But he does know my answer of Go Fuck Yourselves will apply to any Government intrusions.

      4. Cosmoline

  29. Big shocker that the guy who nearly destroyed America’s economy is a Hillary Clinton butt boy who is using his ill-gotten “big short” gains to buy up foreclosed homes across America.

    1. The article just seemed whiny.

    2. I hate defending any Clintonite, but he did not nearly destroy the economy , nor are his gains ill-gotten

      1. Seconded!! Loathsome asshole, yes, but not on those counts…

    3. WALL STREET BAD!!!!eleventy!

  30. Anyone have a solution for really bad snoring? Do the nose strips work? What about the nasal inserts?

    1. Follow these instructions closely.

      Take an ordinary plastic bag…

      Whoops, wrong instructions, I misunderstood the question.

    2. Make him sleep on the couch.

    3. Those work for some people, and are certainly inexpensive to try. You may also have sleep apnea and might need a CPAP machine; consult your physician.

    4. Dox inserts work. Stops the breathing, too.

    5. Suggestion: Go see a doctor and make sure it’s really just snoring, and not a precursor to the health problems that mean you die a young man.

      Srsly, I’ve told my husband if he drops of sleep apnea* or Type 2 diabetes at 47, I’ll dig him back up and kick his ass.

      *Or whatever it is that sleep apnea leads to, heart attack or Zika or whatever. Not looking it up.

      1. Untreated sleep apnea leads to turtle AIDS.

      2. Or whatever it is that sleep apnea leads to, heart attack or Zika or whatever. Not looking it up.

        I looked it up for you on WebMD. Cancer.

        1. It’s cancer all the way down.

    6. I use the nose strips and they help, but it may depend on the severity of the condition.

    7. Thanks, y’all. My wife is ready to kill me.

      1. You should take Hamsters advice to make sure that it is not sleep apnea, and if it is sleep apnea, take care of that noise.

    8. I snore if I sleep on my back. Not so much if I sleep on my side. Change your sleep position if you can.

    9. Bad snoring means bad sleep. Which is a very serious thing for your health and well-being.

      Get a sleep study done. You’ll probably wind up with a CPAP machine. When I got one, it changed my life (well, some). You don’t know how bad the quality of your sleep is until you get a good night’s sleep.

    10. Sleep on your side.

      1. A mouth guard helps too. And losing ten pounds.
        The nose strips not so much.

  31. Police versus Prisons

    Here’s a remarkable graph from the Council of Economic Advisers report on incarceration and the criminal justice system. The graph shows that the United States spends much more per-capita on prison guards than does the rest of the world. Given our prison population, that isn’t surprising. What is surprising is that on a per-capita basis we spend 35% less on police than the world average. That’s crazy.

    Our focus on prisons over police may be crazy but it is consistent with what I called Gary Becker’s Greatest Mistake, the idea that an optimal punishment system combines a low probability of being punished with a harsh punishment if caught. That theory runs counter to what I have called the good parenting theory of punishment in which optimal punishments are quick, clear, and consistent and because of that, need not be harsh.

    We need to change what it means to be “tough on crime.” Instead of longer sentences let’s make “tough on crime” mean increasing the probability of capture for those who commit crimes.

    gee I’ve never said to myself: what we need are more police.

    1. http://marginalrevolution.com/…..stake.html

      Read the piece on Becker that is linked from your article. I always liked Becker. I had no idea he was this stupid. He much have had no idea how people actually think and behave. No one ever thinks they are going to get caught. If they did, they wouldn’t commit the crime. So any system that has a low probability of catching and punishing criminal behavior is going to fail miserably because no one will be deterred by it no matter how harsh the punishment. Worse still, the more often people get away with crimes the more unjust the few unlucky ones who get caught punishment will seem.

      How can a guy not named Paul Krugman win a Nobel Prize in economics and have such a terrible understanding of human nature and morality?

    2. He’s ignoring his own point. The police we have are inconsistant and often abusive.

      1. More police enforcing arbitrary and inconsistent laws is going to produce the opposite of what he hopes.

        1. I think we have a combination of both problems – too many laws and an entrenched culture of police brutality.

          1. We do. And one of the reasons why the police have a culture of brutality is because they are over extended. That of course is caused by the explosion in the number of laws we expect them to enforce. The root cause of the entire thing is the explosion of laws. Justice is like a commodity. There is only so much of it. The more situations you expect the government to administer justice, the less likely it is to do so in any given case.

            1. I tried explaining that to a cop acquaintance once and it went over his head. Brutality is the appeal of the job for most of the applicants.

    3. How about fewer laws? Specifically, if there isn’t a victim, it’s not a crime.

      1. Thiiiiis.

      2. You don’t understand. These supposedly “victimless” crimes lead to crime with victims. Every time the cops put a druggie in jail, they prevent a host of muggings, rapes, robberies, and murders. So much so that they don’t have time to bother to investigate actual muggings, rapes, robberies and murders. They’re too busy preventing crime by busting druggies.

    4. Wouldn’t that lead to, you know, MORE people in jail?

      1. His argument is that you should lessen the severity of punishment but increase the probability someone will be caught if they commit a crime. You might not end up with more people in jail because you’d have them in jail for a shorter length of time.

    5. “What is surprising is that on a per-capita basis we spend 35% less on police than the world average”

      What does “35% less” mean? Is he talking about on a per capita GDP basis? Because if so, this tells me nothing because the US has a much higher per capita GDP than most countries so we can actually have more cops on the street than those countries while simultaneously spending a lower percentage of our GDP.

      1. Oh, it’s just straight per capita. I’m stupid.

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  33. Video: Is Captain Kirk a Republican or a Democrat? We asked William Shatner.

    William Shatner spoke at Smithsonian Magazine’s “The Future is Here” festival. We sat down and asked him questions regarding his thoughts on politics, climate change, and the new Star Trek series.

    1. DRTFA

      I’d say he’s a Gary Johnson type. You know, the kind that would call Trump a pussy.

    2. His political leaning change depending upon who wrote the episode and how far off the deep end Gene was at the time.

    3. I hope his response was “why are you asking me this question, you fucking moron?”

      1. I was kinda hoping he’d give them as much painfully boring detail about Canadian politics as they could stand.

  34. The U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food and Nutrition Service issued a final rule Monday that will affect more than 3 million kids in daycare centers across the country.

    The regulation is a result of the 2010 law aimed at school lunches, a top priority of Mrs. Obama’s Let’s Move anti-obesity initiative. The government hopes the new rule will “help children build healthy habits.”

    “This final rule updates the meal pattern requirements for the Child and Adult Care Food Program to better align them with the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, as required by the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010,” the final rule states. “This rule requires centers and day care homes participating in the Child and Adult Care Food Program to serve more whole grains and a greater variety of vegetables and fruit, and reduces the amount of added sugars and solid fats in meals.”

    The regulation is intended to bring daycare centers in line with the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, which have generated controversy over the years.

    1. If when they created the Department of Agriculture, you had told them that the Department would some day be mandating what food was served kids by private child care providers, they would have probably locked you up in an asylum. Yet, here we are.

      1. The ratchet only goes one way. Forever.

        1. I MEAN TO BREAK THE RATCHET!!!

          \Khaleesi

    2. If you want a lesson in absurd government regulation causing needless shortages and artificially driving up prices, look no further than the daycare business. The wife and I are learning all about how this plays out in DC.

  35. Can’t do the link, buy anybody following Trudeau’s Quantum computing fiasco?

    1. Who cares about dumbfuck sexist canukistani gaffs?

      1. Poor spelling, poor punctuation and some vulgarity. UnCiv, I’m shocked.

        1. I should have included some typoes too.

          1. Mission accomplished, then.

    2. You mean where he blatantly set the situation up by learning about the subject minutes before the cameras started rolling then had a plant ask him a question about it so he could sound smart?

      Yeah, it’s pretty much what I’ve come to expect from PM Zoolander.

      1. Is that true? If it is, it’s awesome.

        1. Yeah, he asked reporters to ask him questions about Quantum Computing because he literally just learned about it. That way he could say something that sounds smart and dumbass media would swoon and his handsomeness and brains.

      2. It didn’t seem like a plant. He begged the reporters to ask him about QC and the first reporter joked about it and then asked him about ISIS. Can’t Canadians find proper plants like US politicians do?

        1. They did – they put Trudy in office instead of the press pool.

          1. When you finish fixing up your house, double check that 5th column.

    3. See here. National Post has nothing on this right. I actually found it via Slate, of all places.

      1. ?1 week ago
        Good God I feel like an idiot! I bought this so completely, and shared it out exactly as was planned. Ugh!

        Ah, man. Whew. Thanks. I needed a good laugh.

        1. I bought this so completely, and shared it out exactly as was planned.

          “I am literally the stupidest person on the planet! Ugh!”

          1. 1.4million views on Trudeau schools reporter. CBC. She looks bright in comparison.

            1. HE literally DIDN’T answer the question asked – about Canada’s ISIL mission. Just loaded up the prememorized quantum computing explanation. What a fucking idiot.

      2. God that’s hilarious. What an embarrassment.

      3. So… he waved off a question about ISIS to recite the blurb he had one of his staffers prepare. And he’s being lauded as uniquely informed.

  36. Hodor@doubtinggaurav

    Hodor Retweeted Priyanka Singh

    Feminists are like hodor, only patriarchy instead of hodor :’-)

    1. I don’t understand a word of what you said here….

  37. According to a new poll, “in a head-to-head matchup of each party’s frontrunner, Mrs. Clinton leads Mr. Trump by only 3 percentage points nationally.”

    Which makes her almost as popular as having the clap.

    And you can rid of the clap with antibiotics. Getting rid of Hillary will take at least four years. Maybe more.

    1. Bad news Ken: antibiotic-resistant strains of gonorrhea are very real.

      1. Good news – all it would really take to get rid of Hillary is one Secret Service Agent.

        She treats them like shit and they’re notorious for getting drunk, so one merely need show up for duty still either drunk or hungover, she acts herself and *BLAM* no more Hillary.

        1. ::prepares snarky reply and…walks away::

        2. One FBI agent could do the trick, also.

    2. It’s been wiped clean, Ken. Dig in.

  38. http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/232291/

    Hillary Clinton the most transparent ever!! Other than that whole private server thing.

    In other news, John Wayne Gacy best Democratic Ward boss ever, except for that whole raping and murdering young boys thing.

    The jokes really do write themselves.

    1. Hillary Clinton the most transparent ever!! Other than that whole private server thing.

      Don’t forget the whole not-filing-tax-returns-on-her-foundation thing, either.

  39. http://www.fool.com/investing/…..facto.aspx

    The death spiral commeth. Shreek hardest hit.

    Unexpectedly saying insurance companies have to cover everyone and pay for pre-existing conditions has made health insurance expensive and likely unprofitable. Poor Obama, he just has the works luck.

    1. It’s those greedy fatcat corporations. How dare they go into business with the goal of making money. Obama’ll learn ’em what’s what!

      1. They just don’t care about the common good.

  40. Let’s go Blues! ?

    1. I thought they were going to blow it. Beating Chicago in a game 7 is a really big deal. After doing that, why can’t they win the cup?

      If there is a St. Louis Washington finals, the world will likely end before the series due to the resulting karmic implosion.

      1. My heart just about blew up on that double post shot. Crazy! I forgot how nuts playoff hockey can be.

      2. After doing that, why can’t they win the cup?

        Because Dallas is a better team.

        1. So was Chicago. A lot of good that did them. The NHL playoffs is the one seven game series set of playoffs where the best team almost never wins. It is just bizarre.

          1. It’s not so much bizarre as a tale of two seasons. The regular season is different than the playoff season. It’s similar to baseball – a team that scores a ton of runs on the long ball often gets bounced from the playoffs because now that same team is facing great pitching every game. So, what kind of team do you build?

            The biggest wildcard in hockey is goaltending. A marginal playoff team can ride a hot goalie into the late rounds.

            1. And the Blues has Elliot. Go Blues ?!!!

          2. I agree the better team doesn’t always win, but Chicago was not better this year. Part of that was Quennville using only 4 defensemen last year in the playoffs. Keith, Seabrook, and (I can’t spell Hjarlmarsson) were noticeably gassed this round. Stan Bowman gave him Trevor Daley and Quennville didn’t have the patience to fit him in. And Daley would have been a vast improvement in the postseason over Rosival and the rookies they put out there. Having to go get Runblad back from Europe just shows how badly Quennville managed the D this year. Losing Oduya was bigger for the Hawks than losing Jackman was for the Blues. Van Riemsdyk improved, but not to the point where he could suck up all of Odyua’s playoff minutes.

        2. I think STL has a better defense and goaltending. Offense is a wash but Dallas gets the edge if Seguin gets back.

          Both have great coaches; although not sure why Hitchcock limits Tarasenko.

    1. So did Giada Di Laurentis’ mother apparently.

      1. None loved their child so much as Rocky Dennis’s mom.

    2. Christina Ricci. I’ve had a schoolboy crush on her for years.

      1. Would

  41. The Department of Justice now interprets Title IX to require colleges and universities to violate the First Amendment.

    In an April 22 findings letter concluding its investigation into the University of New Mexico’s policies and practices regarding sex discrimination, the Department of Justice (DOJ) found the university improperly defined sexual harassment. DOJ flatly declared that “[u]nwelcome conduct of a sexual nature”?including “verbal conduct”?is sexual harassment “regardless of whether it causes a hostile environment or is quid pro quo.”

    To comply with Title IX, DOJ states that a college or university “carries the responsibility to investigate” all speech of a sexual nature that someone subjectively finds unwelcome, even if that speech is protected by the First Amendment or an institution’s promises of free speech.

    http://www.the-american-intere…..-it-again/

    Those damn SOCONs at the Department of Education just can’t stay out of people’s sex lives.

    1. WTF does this even have to do with equality of the sexes? Women aren’t going into STEM because of sexual harassment? Then why aren’t men going into gender studies?

    2. The only way to stop this is for men to start filing an avalanche of complaints under Title IX.

      And, they probably wouldn’t even have to file them against students. I’m betting there’s more than enough “hostile environment” fodder to be had from professors.

  42. “in a head-to-head matchup of each party’s frontrunner, Mrs. Clinton leads Mr. Trump”

    Would it be better to say he’s behind by a small hand full of votes or he’s behind by just a thin hair?

  43. OT: Saudi family therapist provides instruction on the Shari’a way for a husband to beat his wives

    He explains that one of the main reasons that men find it necessary to beat their wives is that wives want to be the equal of their husband. “This is a very grave problem.”

    This represents orthodox Islamic family law. Where do progressive multiculturalists come down on this? They ridicule anyone who would introduce a legislative initiative to reject Shari’a. Do they approve of explicit, even violent, sexism when it is practiced by a multiculti minority?

    1. They approve stuffing their fingers in their ears and screaming at you to quit being so racist.

    2. Do they approve of explicit, even violent, sexism when it is practiced by a multiculti minority?

      I would say yes. Yes, they do. The proggy stack has rotted their brains.

  44. I’m rooting for Trump– for the kicks– but I’m glad that Reason writers won’t have to explain why voting for him or (shudder) Cruz is the libertarian choice. Whew!

    I’m with you, Charles, I don’t think libertarians have anything at all to learn from Republicans.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/l…..convention

    The Koch brothers won’t be touching the Republican National Convention with a 10-foot poll, according to a recent ABC report.

    They and their major fundraising network will be staying at home, ABC reported.

    “Why go?” Charles Koch told ABC. “We’re not interested in politics. We’re interested in moving us towards a culture and policies that will enable people to improve their lives.”

    Koch says he has been grossly disappointed in the Republican primary where businessman Donald Trump is leading, but despite his concerns about the state of the race, he told ABC News that he didn’t see a scenario where someone like Paul Ryan could steal the nomination away from Trump at a contested convention.

    “If he did [win], I mean that would create the impression this whole thing is rigged, which — that’s the opposite of the direction we want to go,” Koch told ABC.

    Koch had also told ABC News in an interview released previously that it is “possible” Democrat Hillary Clinton is preferable to the GOP’s eventual nominee.

    1. I don’t think libertarians have anything at all to learn from Republicans.

      Whoever suggested there was?

      1. Idiots like AmSoc and most of the MSM punditry lack the critical thinking skills to understand the difference. They see: Libertarians support ____ policy. Republicans support ____ policy. Therefore, libertarian = Republican.

        1. But what is there for us to learn from them? How to win elections?

    2. Oh, so NOW you notice that there’s a difference between Republicans and libertarians?

      1. I can’t tell if he’s happy that Koch has seen the light or pissed that Koch is pro-Hillary. The narratives conflict with each other, but he’s got enough pettiness to spread both of them.

        1. American socialist pettiness all the way down, and he’ll never be happy, ever.

        2. The “pro-Hillary” meme is greatly exaggerated. Saying Hillary might be the less terrible among terrible choices is hardly a ringing endorsement.

  45. Not one goddamned word about Lonnie Mack passing.

    1. Really? That is a shame. Man could that guy play. Wham! is one of the best instrumentals ever done.

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