After We Audit the Pentagon, Maybe We Should Audit the Audit
The Defense Department can't account for how it spends its money.
Two and a half decades after Congress passed a law requiring the Defense Department to audit itself, the agency still hasn't managed to do the job. But it did manage to spend a lot of money making itself allegedly more auditable. The Project on Government Oversight explains:

In 1990 Congress passed the Chief Financial Officers Act, which required every federal agency to be auditable. Since then every agency has complied—except for the Department of Defense. Instead, there's been a saga of audit readiness plans and billions spent to upgrade out-of-date financial systems—plans and upgrades the Government Accountability Office (GAO) estimated in 2010 wasted nearly $6 billion.
Again, that was in 2010. Figuring out how much the Pentagon has frittered away failing to perform the task since then may require, well, an audit.
To read the whole article—including the tale of how the Marine Corps finally seemed to get an audit report in 2014, only to have it withdrawn—go here. And for a brief history of Pentagon waste, read William Hartung's look at the issue here. The military's ongoing inability to audit itself "may be spectacularly bad bookkeeping," Hartung writes, "but it's great for defense firms, which profit all the more in an environment of minimal accountability." Funny how that works out.
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I dunno, Coast Guard?
You played that card a little too soon, Homer.
Look Fist, the Pentagon is working on doing audits. But they've also expanded into other important areas. Literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world domination...
So I said, "Look buddy, your car was upside-down when I got here. And as for your grandmother, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that."
Five dollars?!?! Get outta here!!!
THAT'S A DIFFERENT EPISODE.
Then audit the audit of the audit.
Audits all the way down!
Fun fact: meta audits are actually a real thing in the world of ISO standards.
Mitch McConnell would be the perfect face to put on that plan.
"In 1990 Congress passed the Chief Financial Officers Act, which required every federal agency to be auditable. Since then every agency has complied?except for the Department of Defense."
I guess the Federal Reserve isn't really an agency.
Project On Government Oversight? Sounds like they've met the enemy, and it's them.
"There's an item here to buy glass-bottomed boats for the new navy."
"That's so we can see the old navy!"
Wait, wrong country.
Most non-military boats these days are made from glass.
Listen Walker, if you're not going to offer any solutions then just shut the fuck up about it. That's the way the world works now.
"Who then shall audit the auditors?"
First they came for the auditors and I said nothing because I wanted to fill one of those vacancies.
These euphemisms, etc.
OT:
Anyone want an update on our favorite professional victim?
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WTF was that?!
All I got out of that was this.
The military is going to need a spending increase if we're going to be expected to actually keep track of all this money.
DoD not only can't keep track of its money; there are millions of dollars worth of equipment and weapons (!) that it can't account for.
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