Little Girl Asks Another Child for Candy, Mom Fears Sex-Trafficking Ring

Is that an overly-friendly 9-year-old or a tiny sex trafficker? Who can tell?

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The Rocketeer/Facebook

The propaganda-created panic over sex trafficking in your own backyard!!!! has claimed yet another victim. In previous paranoid fantasies about sex traffickers in suburbia—the Hobby Lobby incident, the suspicious woman in the supermarket—we've seen how even the slightest attention from adult strangers can prompt fear in the soccer-mom set. In this latest incident, a few words from a strange child are enough to set one Oklahoma mother off. 

According to Oklahoma's KFOR.com, the woman, Amanda Kalidy, was shopping at Target with her 4-year-old daughter when another young girl began following them and repeatedly asking her daughter for candy. Kalidy says she asked the other child where her mom was, but the girl, who looked about 9 years old, did not answer. Later the girl offered her daughter some gum. That's when Kalidy noticed a "strange" man nearby. 

Obviously, the only explanation for the situation is that the man wanted to steal Kalidy's daughter so he could sexually exploit her and was using this other child as bait. Or so it seemed to Kalidy, anyway. She reported the incident to a Target manager, who allegedly told her that that's "what [sex traffickers] do is target places like Target." 

For the record, there have been zero reported cases of sex traffickers kidnapping children from Target in the history of the United States. 

Michael Snowden of the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics' Human Trafficking Division came close to admitting this truth, telling KFOR.com that "we don't generally see people snatching children from their parents or women being abducted from a retail store of some sort. Human trafficking is much more subtle than that," with victims generally coerced over time by someone they know.

Snowden suggested that if the "strange" man and child had been up to no good, their candy and gum diversion was more likely a tactic to steal the woman's purse or car keys, behavior that has actually been known to happen at surburban shopping centers. 

Kalidy's post about the Target sex-traffickers has been shared thousands of times. 

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  1. I’m tempted to ask my daughter to do that the next time we’re out shopping. She’d probably get a kick out of it, and I could see how far it went.

    1. How far it went, up to a certain point. Right? RIGHT?!?!?!?

      1. Hell no, he could end up with one less mouth to feed it he gets lucky.

        And one less mouth to feed is one less mouth to feed.

  2. What aisle is the, um, “candy” on, btw?

    1. Ask OMWC, he probably knows.

      1. He buys wholesale and then brings the candy to Target.

  3. Without reading, my vote is on tiny sex trafficker. Probably a dwarf too!

    The good news is, if the rebel like they should, we are raising the biggest and needed genration of kids, who will rebel into independent, hard working adults without tattoos.

    1. I would love to see a nation of Alex P. Keatons!

      1. Frankly, i’d like to see a nation of Buster Keatons. [accidentally drops hat, kicks it away]

      2. Except the episode where he gets hooked on speed.

        1. Can you blame him? He was revolting against that lush Tom Hanks.

    2. With those children, he thought, that wretched woman must lead a life of
      terror. Another year, two years, and they would be watching her night
      and day for symptoms of unorthodoxy. Nearly all children nowadays were
      horrible. What was worst of all was that by means of such organizations as
      the Spies they were systematically turned into ungovernable little savages,
      and yet this produced in them no tendency whatever to rebel against the
      discipline of the Party. On the contrary, they adored the Party and
      everything connected with it. The songs, the processions, the banners, the
      hiking, the drilling with dummy rifles, the yelling of slogans, the worship
      of Big Brother–it was all a sort of glorious game to them. All their
      ferocity was turned outwards, against the enemies of the State, against
      foreigners, traitors, saboteurs, thought-criminals. It was almost normal
      for people over thirty to be frightened of their own children. And with
      good reason, for hardly a week passed in which ‘The Times’ did not carry
      a paragraph describing how some eavesdropping little sneak–‘child hero’
      was the phrase generally used–had overheard some compromising remark
      and denounced its parents to the Thought Police.

  4. But, but….stolen children are much more sympathetic than stolen purses and keys!!

  5. Remember, kids: constant terror is COOL!!

    1. Some people live for drama. There are a lot more of them than there are pedophiles.

      1. Sadly true. Although I think that it’s gotten to the point where even the average American can’t go to sleep at night unless they believe the world’s about to end.

        1. Here’s how you get another stupid law passed. Make up some boogey man. Get soccer mom’s all hysterical about the new boogey man. Write law, pass it, cram full of totally unrelated goodies for yourself and your cronies, and make sure it criminalizes all sorts of otherwise unrelated activities.. Rinse, repeat.

          1. It’s the Circle of Shit.

            1. It’s a veritable shit merry go round.

              1. It’s a shitnado, Ricky.

                1. Shithawks are comin’

        2. how can i sleep when every stranger wants to traffic my sex?

          1. Don’t worry Tommy, the government is here to help.

            1. Sutler: I want this country to realize that we stand on the edge of oblivion. I want every man, woman and child to understand how close we are to chaos. I want everyone to remember why they need us!

        3. Yeah, I’m really sad about it, too. It’d be much better if there were more pedophiles than people who live for drama.

  6. “That’s when Kalidy noticed a “strange” man nearby. ”

    Was he wearing a red t-shirt?

    1. And khakis. How did you know?

      1. Probably, due to his “hideous” sound.

      2. I had a red shirt on at Target a few years ago, and a floor manager came over and scolded me for wearing flip flops. It took me a few minutes to figure out that he thought I worked there.

        1. You probably had a name tag on and a bullseye on your shirt just to be a dick.

          Naaaah. You’d never do anything like that.

          1. I would if I were doing it on purpose.

            But alas, I was just trying to get a refill for the diaper genie. It gets pretty unpleasant when the afternoon sun hits diaper hill.

        2. Well stay the fuck out of Best Buy because they have no sense of humor about that shit.

          Fun fact: I was working at a hotel where Charlie Pride was staying before a show. I was getting off work and the jacket I wore looked just like the ones that Charlie’s crew was wearing. The limo driver told me to go get in the car for the drive to the show. I still kick myself for not getting in, but Charlie Pride is a big guy….

  7. Possible Alt-Text: “Chomping Cart”

    1. Cartasaurus!

  8. This mom sounds crazy in the not good way, if you know what I mean.

    1. Still, Crusty would.

      1. Here is the television spot.

        1. Eh…
          Not horrible to look at, but like Paul says, the wrong kind of crazy.

  9. Meanwhile, a father is reporting that his nine-year-old daughter went missing at Target, and when he found her she was following a “strange” woman and another child, requesting candy that the strange woman (DEFINITELY A SEX TRAFFICKER!!!!!!) had presumably offered her.

    1. It’s just pants shitting all the way down…

      1. Wait, was Trump the one with candy or was Trump the one paying a kid to ask for candy?

    2. That would be hilarious if that was the case. Do two retarded moral panic stories cancel each other out, or does their DERP reinforce each other?

      1. Double-DERP, I’m afraid. And it grows exponentially.

      2. phase dependent.

        1. *derpendent

  10. Yet another reason not to talk to anybody, anytime, about anything. Social atomization is grand!

    1. Works for me. I doubt I say more than 10 words to anyone on most days.

      1. I’m pretty sure I will be arrested for this shit at some point in my life. For some reason I’m like catnip for 5-9 year olds. They probably recognize a fellow immature spirit.

        One of these days I will run into a loon like this lady who will think that me crossing my eyes at her kid is proof that I’m a predator and away I will go.

  11. I’ve trained my children to lure out predators and, when they are “kidnapped” turn the tables and murder those sick fucks. I’ve only lost 3 of them so far. Doing the lord’s work though…

    1. I’ve only lost 3 of them so far.

      Always more where they came from, right?

  12. Are we sure this isnt the Depends company ginning up demand?

    1. The shelves of the depends section are totally bare, and they can’t keep up with new orders. Bernie should declare that depends are a human right and he will give everyone depends for free. Because we are sure in store for record pants shitting once the kiddies have free college.

      1. I had to do a little research to find out that these are the top ten brands of adult diapers.

        You don’t necessarily need ten types of adult diapers or 14 brands of air freshener to mask the shit when kids are going hungry in this country. I don’t think the media appreciates the kind of shit that ordinary Americans are working on.

  13. She reported the incident to a Target manager, who allegedly told her that that’s “what [sex traffickers] do is target places like Target.”

    Target manager popping off some absolutely lethal sass. I hope they get a promotion.

    1. Yeah, I’d be willing to bet it was said in a sarcastic tone that the woman was too clueless to notice.

    2. I suppose that he was, um, aiming for something memorable.

    3. “Yes, ma’am. Sex traffickers seek out places with comprehensive video surveillance, good lighting, crowds of people, and internal security staff. I guess they like the challenge.”

  14. I really hope Amanda Kalidy is sued for defamation.

    1. If she accused someone identifiable, I suppose.

  15. This goes right into my “Shit That Didn’t Happen” file. I seriously doubt half the things she claimed happened even occurred at all. Really, the two people you thought were sex traffickers ran away and no one followed them, despite the fact that you now had reason to think they were actually sex traffickers? A Target manager told you his own store was a target for sex trafficking?

    Bullshit.

    1. Why do you think he became a manager?

  16. Caaaaaareful there ENB. Lenore is going to make you disappear if you keep operating in her territory.

  17. “That’s when Kalidy noticed a “strange” man nearby.”

    OMWC, cut that out!

  18. I am stunned, STUNNED, that ENB didn’t bother to contact me before writing this error-riddled article.

    1. Couldn’t have been you, since there would be nothing strange about you following little kids around the store.

      1. She got nearly every bit wrong. First, the candy was being SOLD, not given away…

  19. While technically not trafficking. There was the Kelsey Smith incident in Kansas where a high schooler was kidnapped from a Target parking lot and murdered.

  20. that’s “what [sex traffickers] do is target places like Target.”

    IT’S RIGHT IN THE NAME PEOPLE, WAKE UP!111

  21. The Okla. Bureau of Narcotics has a Human Trafficking Div.?!

  22. The link has a “suggest a correction” button. I want to use it to suggest replacing “mother” with “fucking retard”

  23. “What did you expect? You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.”

  24. Even if we execute pedos as a matter of course, the dramamamas will still find something to scare themselves with. Life is good when you have to invent threatening scenarios. *shuffles back to watching The Walking Dead*

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