Exploding Watermelons, Students for Trump, New Game of Thrones Footage: P.M. Links

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    1. Warty ends up on the iron throne.

      1. SF and Butterbumps end up together.

      2. I hope he remembers it is sharp.

        1. Why do you think he wants to sit there?

          1. Oh, that will be a horrible place to get gangrene.

      3. Warty has an iron toilet?

    2. Hello.

    3. Zombie Jon Snow collects the triforce of courage and restores balance to the force.

      1. turns out they end up on earth 100,000 years ago. (and then get polio and die)

        1. *Narrows gaze*

          Their actions echo in eternity.

    4. I mean, it was a fucking sled!

    5. The watermelon died.

    6. Luke and Leia are twin siblings, and Darth Vader is their dad.

      1. That’s not true. That’s impossible.

        1. By 1980 George Lucas could afford hella cocaine, brah. ?\_(?)_/?

        2. Search your fillings.

    7. Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze!

      1. And he really is from K-pax.

    8. Dil has a big black dick.

    9. Bruce Willis was allergic to water the whole time.

      1. And crop circles really are signs of an impending alien invasion.

        1. The village was right next to a modern highway.

    10. Norville Barnes’ invention is a hula hoop.

  1. Insiders predict a contested convention.

    This primary’s all about outsiders.

    1. Stay golden, Pony Boy.

  2. Trevor Noah thinks there were exactly four Founding Fathers and that they’re all on Mount Rushmore.

    Deport him.

    1. He is just jealous that this country has four more fathers than him.

      1. Oh Noah you didn’t!

        1. *grimaces, looks around for Swiss*

          1. *narrows gaze*

            *resume shiraz consumption*

  3. Watch this clip from the forthcoming sixth season of Game of Thrones.

    Spoiler alert: Snape kills Dumbledore.

  4. A “Students for Trump” meeting at Portland State University didn’t go over so well.

    Trump lingered last in line for brains
    and the one he got was sorta rotten and insane
    Small things so sad that birds could land
    Is Trump fast asleep or rockin’ out with the band?

    He’s Trump, he’s Trump
    He’s in my head

    1. Portland isn’t a state.

      1. It’s a state of mind, man.

    2. God damn you to hell.

  5. “Bernie is becoming a Bernie Bro,” writes Paul Krugman.

    Must be true. Krugman’s never been wrong about anything. He’ll tell you himself.

    1. He’s the smartest guy in the world. Just ask him.

    2. “Krugman’s never been wrong about anything. He’ll tell you himself.”

      Well there’s that one time he thought he was wrong, but it turned out he wasn’t.

  6. NOOOOOOOOOAHHHHH!!

  7. Exploding Watermelons

    For a moment I was worried it would be an article about Greenpeace deploying suicide bombers.

    1. Gallagher did it first.

      1. And with style.

      2. Leave me out of this.

  8. Caller who reported man with gun at Wal-Mart may be charged

    A 911 caller who reported a man waving a gun in a Wal-Mart before police fatally shot him and found he had an air rifle he took from a shelf could be charged with making a false alarm, a judge ruled.

    1. Ah yes. Charge the idiot who called the police, not the people, who, you know, KILLED THE GUY.

      1. They’re heroes, JB.

      2. You know what? I am not so bothered by this; The caller lied his ass off. And hoplophobes have been suggesting to each other that they call 911 whenever they see a guy with a gun in order to terrorize gun owners. The cops should be charged with murder. But what this guy did showed the sort of depraved indifference that would make a manslaughter charge not unreasonable.

        1. I’m on board with this. Reasonable man standard should of course apply, but false reports shouldn’t go unpunished.

        2. True. But by the same token, why should the caller be prosecuted for the ramifications of misidentifying the firearm when the cops themselves also misidentified it as a firearm with the added bonus that they actually shot the guy and are supposed to be the ones to know better and will not face any repercussions beyond the hard-on they got from killing.

          If the caller were a CCW holder and had instead shot the guy himself, he’d be sent off to prison with no real controversy. When cops do it, we’re just supposed to accept it as the cost of civilization.

          1. why should the caller be prosecuted for the ramifications of misidentifying the firearm when the cops themselves also misidentified it

            Because “civilians” are held to a higher standard than cops. Duh.

          2. I agree; the cops shouldn’t have been let off the hook for flying in guns blazing. I’ve seen the video, and it’s fucking murder. Full stop.

            But the fact that the cops are getting away with murder doesn’t mean the caller had no culpability. He lied. Willfully. He summoned the cops hoping that they would terrorize or hurt his victim. IF he had been a CCW holder and had murdered the guy, he would be guilty of murder. Calling the cops and telling them lies that were intended to garner a hysterical, armed response is only one level removed from gunning the victim personally, in my mind.

            1. Calling the cops and telling them lies that were intended to garner a hysterical, armed response is only one level removed from gunning the victim personally, in my mind.

              I wasn’t aware of any out and out lying here. I figured it was just a pants shitting d-bag eager to do the “right thing”.

          3. And what happened to the stern warning to “drop the rifle” before the cops open fire? Was that always made up?

    2. I guess they left out the part about the charges for the actual shooters.

      1. I guess it is no joke. If the police are told a suspect may be armed they are allowed to shoot on sight.

        1. If the police are told a suspect may be armed they are allowed to shoot on sight.

          Sheesh, everyone *may* be armed. Or is that the joke?

          1. I see you’ve discovered the FYTW loophole.

            1. Just one of thousands.

            2. That’s some catch, that catch-FYTW.

          2. Somebody didn’t read the AM links. Yes, it’s reasonable for a cop to shoot and kill somebody he has reason to believe is armed, that’s the rule.

            1. it’s “reasonable”

            2. That’s why we need universal gun confiscation – it’s for our own safety, really.

              1. Since you put it that way, ? you know, ? it *is* common sense!

          3. No, it was something in earlier thread. Basically if you wanted assassinate someone, just call 911 and tell the dispatcher they are armed.

        2. If the police are told a suspect may be armed they are allowed to shoot on sight.

          If this is a real rule, that is fully fucked. Unless shots are being fired and there are bodies on the ground, they need to confirm that shit.

    3. The caller needs more than a misdemeanor prosecution….

    4. Fuck those cops. Fuck the prosecutor. Fuck the judge. Fuck the caller.

      In that order.

      1. The judge maybe gets a reacharound, for doing at least part of the right thing?

  9. Trevor Noah thinks there were exactly four Founding Fathers and that they’re all on Mount Rushmore.

    Who?

    1. Black Piers Morgan.

      1. Isn’t that Ta Coates?

      2. That’s just cruel. No one deserves that.

    2. I will admit, I had to click the link to find out who he is. I kinda liked Jon Stewart when he was just mocking stupid all around before he went in the bag for Obama.

      1. “I kinda liked Jon Stewart when he was just mocking stupid all around before he went in the bag for Obama.”

        ^ This.

        The DS was blessed by having a regime change right when the presidency changed parties – i.e. from Clinton-hating Kilborn to Bush-hating Stewart.

        Once the show’s 2000s staff saw their political simpaticos come into power, the show got insufferable.

  10. A whole lot of people watched Buzzfeed explode a watermelon.

    Were Gallagher’s attorneys included in the viewership?

  11. The extradition of Romanian hacker “Guccifer” to the U.S. at a critical point in the FBI’s criminal investigation of Hillary Clinton’s email use is “not a coincidence,” according to an intelligence source close to the case.

    One of the notches on Guccifer’s cyber-crime belt was allegedly accessing the email account of Clinton confidant Sidney Blumenthal, one of Clinton’s most prolific advice-givers when she was secretary of state. It was through that hack that Clinton’s use of a personal account — clintonemail.com — first came to light.

    Emphasis added. The *real* non-scandal.

    1. They’re trying to silence him, I presume?

      1. Let’s just say that Mr. Guccifer probably shouldn’t buy any green bananas this week.

    2. Wait, so we might have actual evidence that not only did she put classified info at risk, but that it actually did get stolen as well. Sweet, this will kill all the dems who have been making the claim that her private server was more secure due to anonymity.

      1. OH, yes.

        And not to put too fine a point on it: the use of a personal account “coming to light” via the hack indicates *at best* widespread government incompetence.

        1. No, no, no – it indicates the devastating sophistication of our enemies and a need to both increase funding for national security and to further curtail the freedoms of the citizenry in order to confront this new and unprecedented modern enemy.

          1. Are you in General Dynamics’ marketing department?

            1. I have been in the business of selling (relatively) expensive things to the government in the past, I must shamefully admit . . .

          1. POSSIBLY?!?!?!?

      2. Yup. Couldn’t come up with a better illustration of why the stuff on the secure air-gapped system should never, ever leave it.

        Blumenthal has to be right in the crosshairs of this. He also was sending email with word-for-word cut and paste info from highly classified documents he had no business whatsoever having access to. The question of who gave him access, and how, should be a major criminal inquiry, and it will lead straight back to the Clintons.

        1. Ah, that dreaded gap between “should” and “will” . . .

  12. OT:
    Spent a lot of time in the car today and listened to a lot of “conservative” talk radio.

    My belief if the actual conservatives don’t give a damn about things like gay marriage. I mean, they may have a personal opinion, but the idea that there is some kind of “conservative” position against it is ludicrous. I don’t think that actual conservatives care about social issues (in any kind of policy or plank way) at all.

    Second, they conflation of trade deficit and national debt drives me crazy. Debt is a huge deal. Trade is something government should leave to the market. Try not to erect barriers, that’s pretty much the government’s role. Let the traders trade. If there is an imbalance, the market will fix it.

    Thanks for reading my rant. You may now continue discussing Trump.

    1. The local classical music station started its begging season today. 🙁

    2. Maybe? Most conservatives I know who are big into social issues are 100% authoritarian. They don’t believe in individual liberty, they believe in the game being rigged so their team benefits from the rules, full stop. But ‘conservative’ as a label can encompass that faction and the classic liberals.

      1. Well put. I think we need a schism in the “conservative” wing. I mean this libertarian thing is obviously just for wackos. TruConservative? ?? Whaddaya think?

        1. Conservativbertarianism.. plus.

    3. First we need to get people to agree on what a conservative is.

    4. My belief if the actual conservatives don’t give a damn about things like gay marriage.

      Based on my unscientific sample of a half-dozen hardcore old (around 70 to) conservatives from North Texas, they don’t give a shit about gay marriage or legalized pot, except as it allows them to make crude jokes about dope smokers and gay people.

      Its funny – they are dying of curiosity to get stoned, but can’t quite come out and admit it.

      1. 70 year old conservatives from Texas were in Viet Nam. They have tried pot.

        1. Not these guys. Trust me on that.

          One (Pater Dean) discharged just before his unit was sent to Nam (he knew one guy who was killed there – flipped a jeep driving drunk). The other ones had occupational exemptions, I believe.

        2. You’d be surprised. A lot of them are extremely proud of never having tried any drugs in their lives. They just drink a lot.

          1. I have heard several versions of the ” never touched a drug in my life” from older conservatives, usually phrased in a non pc way. I have also had a few, usually deep in their cups, admit that “this one time in (fill in asian sin city of choice)” they tried some.

      2. A co worker and I worked on a section crew on the railroad in North Dakota 40 years ago. About 15 guys on the crew and I’d classify them as semi rednecks. I can’t recall how it came up, but the foreman was a halfrican and a guy who liked to party.

        Anyway, he said something to the effect of “bring some of that shit tomorrow”. We did and before quitting time he asked did you bring it, we proceeded to get them stoned except for one straight laced family guy and the Indian bus driver who used to sleep in the bus overnight. My brother still works around there and they still talk about it.

        Ironically, my old man was the head nut around there in operations (we were track) and was pretty anti weed at the time, but he never heard about it or has never mentioned it in the ensuing 40 years. He’s mellowed about dope because he realizes most of his sons have been toking for decades and everyone would be considered a “success”. I mean rails were gossipy like schoolgirls, it’s amazing it never got back to him.

  13. Corey Lewandowski is not a nice person.

    Soave is obviously obsessed with this guy, and is clearly rooting for him to be convicted like all the rest of his liberal media brethren.

    That means this idiotic case is going to get almost as much national media attention as the George Zimmerman trial. Jese Christ, what a bunch of losers you are.

    1. Jese Christ

      Wait a minute, who is that a nickname for?

      1. Jese “God Damn” Minoot

        1. I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE.

          /thumbs up with big grin.

    2. Don’t you want Lewandowski’s liberal media brethren convicted?

      1. Being a bunch of lying scummy vermin isn’t a criminal offense.

        Not one normal person gives a flying rat’s ass about this stupid incident, and these losers are going to turn it into the new “trial of the century”, He’ll probably be glued to Court TV the entire time with a box of tissues nearby, to dry his eyes if the guy get acquitted and to clean all the spooge off himself if he gets convicted.

        1. Is hasn’t been Court TV in ages. 😉

          1. Robby is so obsessed that he will personally get it going again so he can be glued to it. That’s how much he cares about this trial.

    3. You know, you trolls are in here so often lately people are starting to think I have a drinking problem.

    4. You couldn’t even make a nickname for Rico? Sad!

    5. And you are obviously obsessed with Soave. The circle of life is complete.

    6. It would’ve been a nonissue if Trump and Lewandowski hadn’t gone full thug as their first response.

  14. “Trevor Noah thinks there were exactly four Founding Fathers and that they’re all on Mount Rushmore.”

    Trevor: Like, there were four sitting founders!’
    Rufus: Er, there were more than that.
    Trevor: Whoa dude! Are you sure? Because I read!’
    Rufus: Yes.
    Trevor: Doooood, is there space on the mountain?

    1. Trevor: Don’t you find Ann Coulter attractive?
      Rufus: Yes.
      Trevor: ?

      1. We all have our weak side.

        1. Some people like sharp angles.

  15. This article has been making the rounds.

    http://tinyurl.com/gn3z5ry

    It’s about a Norwegian elected official who was raped by an immigrant from Somalia. The victim feels bad that the rapist is being deported. What caught my eye was one of the top-rated comments:

    “Clarksons, London, United Kingdom, about 11 hours ago

    He’s deluded. The exact problem with today’s libertarian Europe.”

    Does libertarian mean something different in the UK?

    1. Biscuit, boot, and lift do, so it might.

    2. The victim feels bad that the rapist is being deported

      instead of being castrated, right? RIGHT?!

    3. Because rape is not only condoned but encouraged in the libertarian paradise of Somalia?

      1. It was a gay rape though so while he gets points for the rape, he gets executed for the gay part.

    4. Uffda!

      It must have been a long winter to make him so forgiving. After all, any human contact is good after spending months in the cold and dark, right?

    5. Hauken, who describes himself as a ‘young Socialist Left Party member, feminist and anti-racist’, was attacked in his own home. The politician reveals that he struggled to come to terms with being a heterosexual male rape victim, and subsequently self-medicated with alcohol and cannabis. ‘I am a heterosexual man who was raped by a Somalian asylum seeker,’

      I wonder if the Somalian asylum seeker just broke into the guy’s house.

      1. If by house you mean rectum, then yes.

        1. Rectum? Damn near killed ‘im!

    6. Probably the same thing it means here: “whatever I don’t like.”

    7. Probably referring to the open border policy many libertarians champion. Sadness at deportation isn’t a insane leap from the position that borders should exist.

    8. Jesus… is there any depravity they won’t excuse for the cause?

    9. I’m genuinely surprised this guy was willing to describe the attacker as a Somalian asylum seeker and not “a Norwegian man”.

      1. He wasn’t, until the perp was caught and officially identified as a “Somalian immigrant.”

    10. Check the negatively rated comments on that article. Some people really admire the rape victim’s position

      Not.tory, Macclesfield, United Kingdom, 1 day ago
      Kind and rational, unlike 95 per cent of the readers on this site!

      Giggy, No where you know, United Kingdom, 1 day ago
      Wow. This man has my deepest respect if he can come away from such an ordeal with the courage and mental strength to put it behind him get on with his life but also have the empathy to think of this animal still as human being and not wanting him to get hurt. I can only wish I could ever be half the person as him. Respect sir you are an example to us all.

      Baby Bear, London, United Kingdom, 1 day ago
      What a compassionate man. I too would feel very guilty in these circumstances. He is being punished twice here and that is unfair.

      nickslick1975, Changchun, 1 day ago
      This courageous man, in a Christian country, on a Christian continent, shows Christian forgiveness, and the DM readers line up to slate him. Personally, I admire his courage and honesty, and his refusal to allow himself to become a victim.

      1. “This courageous man, in a Christian country, on a Christian continent, shows Christian forgiveness, and the DM readers line up to slate him. Personally, I admire his courage and honesty, and his refusal to allow himself to become a victim.”

        I’ve noticed a lot of concern trolls don’t know what Christian forgiveness is.

        In Christianity, it is understood that God will forgive you provided that *you honestly repent of your sins.* That’s the entire point of Catholic confession – you repent and are granted forgiveness.

        We have no evidence that the rapist in this scenario repented or expressed guilt over his assault and there can be no forgiveness without honest repentance.

        1. That’s the rule for things between you and God. Mortals are supposed to forgive other mortals. Turn the other cheek, love thine enemy, et al. . .

        2. In Christianity, it is understood that God will forgive you provided that *you honestly repent of your sins.* That’s the entire point of Catholic confession – you repent and are granted forgiveness.

          Not only that, but you are still liable for the consequences of your actions. You’re simply relieved of any moral accounting that could threaten your place in the afterlife.*

          *It’s much more subtle than that, but w/e

          1. You’re simply relieved of any moral accounting that could threaten your place in the afterlife.

            I take it you are not a Calvinist? None are worthy. Only by grace may we be saved. (it’s half of what pushed me away into agnosticism as a teen)

            1. Calvinism drives me nuts. It entirely strips away moral agency, which is one of those overarching thematic threads that run through the Bible when you actually study it instead of quote it out of context. (Can you tell that I’m passionate about this?)

              I think that Calvinism was John Calvin and his supporters (time-bound mortals) attempting to understand a God that is not similarly time-bound.

              The thing that pushed me into agnosticism as a teen was that church was cliquish, anti-intellectual, and mind-numbingly superficial, so I had no problem accepting the atheists’ contention that religion was a crutch for the intellectually inferior.

              Having come back to faith, I see the intellectual depth that exists, and it pisses me off to see my religious brothers and sisters have a solely emotional faith.

              Anyway, I’ll stop ranting before I start frothing at the mouth.

    11. Open borders, maybe?

    12. Never trust a man who will turn to violence at the slightest slight, and never trust a man who does not have a taste for revenge.

  16. Short, alt-text free, and mostly on frivolous topics. You never disappoint, Rico.

    1. There is alt text. It says “thrones.” He is mocking us, and dangit I am taking it personally.

  17. “”””Corey Lewandowski Called Coworker ‘F*cking B*tch,'”””

    Maybe he is a truth teller and the coworker was a F*cking B*tch,

    Also how do you pronounce that? Are the asterisks’ silent or what?

    1. Fasteriskcking Basterisktch?

      1. He plays for Chelsea, I think.

  18. A “Students for Trump” meeting at Portland State University didn’t go over so well.

    Ah, that’s just some more of those harmless free-speech hijinks.

    1. It is said that turnabout is fair play. Conservatives should start crashing/ protesting SJW meetings.

      Tangental Prediction: People are going to be killed at the GOP convention.

      1. I’d say leave the leftoids alone but be willing to defend your space if necessary.

        1. That’s what I’m thinking too. It’s not the GOP delegates who will be looking to riot and break shit.

      2. Tangental Prediction: People are going to be killed at the GOP convention.

        How many of them will be 12-year old black kids?

  19. “Corey Lewandowski is not a nice person.”

    “”Corey gets on the phone and defames my character. He called me incompetent, called me a loser,” Bast said. ”

    I think I see why Donald Trump likes this guy.

    1. “He called me incompetent, called me a loser,”

      Sure, but how did he defame your character?

  20. I am running VEGAN NIGHTMARE CAMP at Burning Man this year. This is the time of year when random people will email me and ask to join my camp. Here is one such request:

    Hi my name is Kayla and I am in search of a camp to call home for Burning Man! I went last year and stayed with Pickleback but I want to find a camp that fits my lifestyle! I am a vegan food truck Veg Out Vegan owner out of the Bay Area with my fianc? Corey who will also be joining me. I also have my best friend Hanna and her partner who is an owner of a Organic Raw juice company in San Diego called Oh!Juice. I was wondering if you guys take new camp members and how do I go about joining the clan! There may be 6-7 of us wanting to join let me know if that is something possible!

    We are a meat-positive safe space for people to discuss carnivorous diets. What is the best way to respond?

    1. Steak?

    2. “Vegan Nightmare” Camp, not Vegan “Nightmare Camp.”

    3. Ask for a steak recipe, and share one of your own? Include a link to a Youtube video of you and the rest of your crew just going to town on some burgers.

      1. Or better yet. Slaughtering cow and then eating them.

    4. Is she hot? Ask for pics.

    5. “Dear Kayla, It is something possible!”

      1. I like this.

    6. You should invite her into the group; ask her to bring about 40 tomatoes and 10 heads of lettuce.

      And make sure that you thank her profusely at the end for bringing such delicious cheese-burger toppings.

    7. Raw juice

      Anyone care to explain what this is?

      1. Derp, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much the daddy goes down to the clinic to receive tests that prove to the mommy that he is disease free, and after he waves that sheet of paper in her face they make love. Raw juice is the end product of their love.

      2. A euphemism

        1. I hate you. 🙁

          I’m all for killing adult chickens and making tasty food, but god damnit they’re just little fuzzy male peeps. TIRED OF THE CHICKEN MATRIARCHY, SAVE THE MALE BABY CHICKENS.

          1. The alternative is making them capons

    8. What is the best way to respond?

      Howsabout;

      We are a meat-positive safe space for people to discuss carnivorous diets. You’re welcome to join us, but we’re filling up fast!

    9. Invite them and ask that they each bring a suckling pig for roasting

    10. Just respond respectfully because nobody ever sees that coming.

      “Apologies ma’am but I believe you may have misinterpreted our camp, we are actually a meat friendly cook-out site. the ‘Vegan Nightmare’ is simply a benign attempt at humor on my part. While you would be more than welcome, it is my duty to inform you of the carnivorous diet of this campsite. Please forgive me for the misunderstanding and have a great time at Burning Man, I know I will!”

      1. I see the virtue half is winning right now.

      2. Burning man is a celebration of anarchy and creativity, not some hippy-drippy lovefest. Opportunities like this are not to be wasted. That said, apart from the communal dinners, there is no reason we couldn’t have vegans in my camp.

    11. I was wondering if you guys take new camp members and how do I go about joining the clan! There may be 6-7 of us wanting to join let me know if that is something possible!

      “Sure Kayla, we’d love to have you. I just want to give you a rundown of what we’re planning this year.
      Day 1: Live Chicken Butchery Workshop, including instruction on how to best kill the chicken to preserve the flavor.
      Day 2: Live Beef Butchery Demonstration.
      Day 3: Filleting fish, from minnows to mahi-mahi
      Day 4: Veal, lamb, and tasty ways to eat other baby animals

      Thanks for your interest, I’m sure you’d fit right in!”

    12. Can I Join?

  21. A “Students for Trump” meeting at Portland State University didn’t go over so well.

    I think everyone involved got exactly what they wanted.

    1. Angry-laid?

  22. Exploding watermelons

    Did frustrated developers finally bring out the .50 BMG?

  23. A whole lot of people watched Buzzfeed explode a watermelon.

    You have no idea how upset i was to discover that they didn’t mean “Your typical Green/Socialist”

  24. BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: ‘These AREN’T BARBIES’

    “”We must abolish prostitution,” she said.

    “80 per cent of women are prostitutes,” she added, but confirmed that actually she had meant that the other way round. The remaining 20 per cent she suggested were made up of children and transgendered men.”

    ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????

    1. You can have my robo-houri when you pry me from her cold, dead fingers!

    2. Dr Richardson’s background is not in robotics or engineering but anthropology, in which subject she holds an MPhil and PhD from the University of Cambridge.

      Who are you to argue with an expert?!?

      1. That article is awesome.

        “”To call them toys is to understate the issue,” she said. “It’s not as if it’s a Barbie.” Dr Richardson also surprisingly offered the idea that there may be some form of exploitation involved in the manufacture of My Little Pony dolls.”

        1. My Little Pony sex dolls for the Bronies!

            1. I googled

              Go ahead and click it’s worth it.

        2. You know, there may be some underlying factor in the development of her stance.

          1. Are you saying she is ugly? Typical heteropatriarchal shallow man, with your sex dolls and your whores and no time for Kathleen. Always friends with Kathleen, talking about how she’s like a sister, but never seeing her as more than that, no matter how much makeup she puts on and no matter how much she tarts herself up for you, just hoping, for one goddamn second, that you’d look at her the way she looks at you.

            But you never do. Always with that bimbo Claire when you should be with Kathleen.

            Fuck, did I say that out loud?

            1. I’m in awe, Irish. 10/10.

              However, you didn’t mention what I did there.

            2. I really doubt she has any male friends. Or female friends. Also, she looks like Roseanne asked her barber to make her look like Zooey Deschanel.

              /Typical heteropatriarchal something something.

              1. Also, she looks like Roseanne asked her barber to make her look like Zooey Deschanel.

                *snaps fingers* Nailed it!!! Man, I was trying to get a bearing on what that “style” is.

          2. Jesus. She looks like a Rankin-Bass character.

    3. Wait, 20% of women are actually children and transgender men?

      1. I’ll take the fifth.

        1. I could use a fifth right about now.

          1. *Checks clock. Remembers am on West Coast time. Sighs. Goes back to “work”.*

      2. I read

        “80 per cent of women are prostitutes,” she added, but confirmed that actually she had meant that the other way round.

        as meaning that she intended to say “80% of prostitutes are women…”

        1. When I read it, I interpreted her correction to mean that 20% of women are prostitutes.

          1. That doesn’t fit with “The remaining 20 per cent…”

            “80 per cent of prostitutes are women. The remaining 20 per cent she suggested were made up of children and transgendered men.”

            That does fit.

            1. You can make women out of ground up children a transgendered men. About 1 in 5 women was made this way according to a new study published in Cogitatio Mei, the study was performed by Mihi Asinum using the Erue Eum methodology

        2. Your way makes a lot more sense, though.

          1. It’s hard making sense out of any of the gibberish coming out of her mouth, though.

    4. Sexual pleasure (unless you’re a lesbian) is bad, mmkay?

    5. Same bitch from yesterday?

      *googles*

      Yep, same bitch. At least there aren’t more of them.

  25. “”A “Students for Trump” meeting at Portland State University didn’t go over so well.””

    Either student activism selects for hideous people or Portland State has the ugliest student body in the continental United States.

    1. Or both.

  26. According to Piers Morgan, Cruz is worse than Morgan’s friend Donald Trump.

    “[Prominent attorney Alan] Dershowitz, speaking to me on my old CNN show, added: ‘Ted Cruz deeply believes in what he’s doing, he’s deeply principled, he thinks he’s doing the right thing. That doesn’t mean it is the right thing, and he’s very hard to get off that principled argument. He was not a compromiser, not somebody who tried to make friends by accepting what was then the political correctness of the day….

    “Cruz is not, as many believe Trump to be, just pandering to the hard-line Conservative right in America, he IS the hard-line Conservative right in America; a brutally ideological zealot who wants to drag his country kicking and screaming back to the very dark days of bigoted fear and hatred of government.”

    1. Piers Morbo?

    2. “bigoted fear and hatred of government”

      Ha, so they’re admitting that statism is a religion.

    3. You know, the days when America was super bigoted, I don’t think they hated government. The slave owners were rather fond of using the government to help enslave black people.

      1. The Jim Crow South found some uses for government, too . . .

    4. ” bigoted fear and hatred of government.”

      Not seeing the downside, to be honest.

  27. Trevor Noah thinks there were exactly four Founding Fathers and that they’re all on Mount Rushmore.

    I’m sure gawker is on top of it.

  28. Well, what do ya know.

    SpaceX stuck the landing this time.

    1. That was pretty awesome!!!
      but only a 8.8 from the Russian judge.

      1. “Missile lands upside down and too slow. Did not even destroy ship! Stupid Americans.”

        1. I read this in the voice of Puppet Kim Jong Il from Team America

          1. I wrote it in more of a Russian accent, but hey, whatever jiggles your handle.

            1. I heard it in the voice of Boris, from Bulwinkle

    2. So what’s the total success rate? I know they’ve pulled it off a few times and also failed a few times. I think they’ve failed more than succeeded when trying to land on the ocean raft.

      1. I don’t know the exact count

        This is the first time they’ve launched a payload and landed the 1st stage on the drone ship out of at least 4 attempts.

        I know they’ve also launched a payload and landed the 1st stage on the ground at least once as well. Never heard of any failures of that method but I’ve only seen that method attempted once. I’m sure they’ve done it before though.

        1. They haven’t succesfully done it before; they came close one (the stage got blown over by a gust of wind about 5 ft above the barge). II think they decided to test the next iteration of the software on a land platform to give it an easier time (the barge rises and falls with swells). That went very well, so I guess they decided to give the barge another shot.

          1. I guess I should have said I don’t know the exact count of attempts to land on the barge.

            But I’ve looked it up and today was the fifth attempt to land on the drone ship so they have a 20% success rate there.

            Whether they use the barge, or land on the ground really depends on how far down range the vehicle will be when MECO occurs.

            1. I’m not taking sides in support of SpaceX, but having landed helos on the back of ships, I’d lke to add that it’s no picnic. In flight school, you do it to a barge on the intercoastal waterway and it’s not that bad. It’s really not too bad on “big decks,” even at sea. But you get any seas and it’s a “small deck” – and by small deck I’m talking about destroyers a couple of hundred feet long – and it gets to be a shitshow in a hurry. I can’t fathom trying back down a rocket onto a barge being operated remotely.
              I’d say doing that successfully is pretty fucking impressive, but that’s maybe from an odd perspective.

    3. Musk is still lagging behind Bezos. Good.

  29. So Obama has backed off some on his promise of a free lunch and that has made some people sad. Elizabeth Warren, on the other hand, is still mad.

    1. Warren sent a letter to SEC Chairwoman Mary Jo White calling for an investigation into alleged discrepancies between statements insurance executives made to their investors and complaints these same individuals made about the impact new government regulations would have on their businesses, The Wall Street Journal reports.

      “Corporate interests have become accustomed saying whatever they want about Washington policy debates, with little accountability when their predictions prove to be inaccurate,” she said in the letter.

      Jesus @#*($&@ Christ.

      FWIW – i don’t credit the former rulemaking issue “obama backing off”. Just a dilution of what they were trying to impose, but which still got their claws into some very sensitive areas.

      1. “Corporate interests have become accustomed saying whatever they want about Washington policy debates, with little accountability when their predictions prove to be inaccurate”

        Oh, as opposed to politicians, who are summarily punished when they say something that is outright false?

        … If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor… Criminals favor assault weapons… Minimum wage won’t kill jobs… We don’t have a domestic spying program…

    1. That guy has his priorities straight.

      1. That one should run while full of beer farts?

        1. Propulsion. In a marathon, you need all you can get.

  30. Why does becoming a left-wing activist cause women to get the worst haircuts known to man? Do they cut their own hair so that they don’t oppress barbers with capitalist power dynamics?

    1. To avoid being known by men.

      1. ^This. Because, otherwise, Rape Culture would totally reveal them to be super hot, and, therefore, targets of males.

  31. “Bernie is becoming a Bernie Bro,” writes Paul Krugman.

    But Mr. Sanders wasn’t careful at all, declaring that what he considers Mrs. Clinton’s past sins, including her support for trade agreements and her vote to authorize the Iraq war ? for which she has apologized ? make her totally unfit for office.

    Every weekday, get thought-provoking commentary from Op-Ed columnists, The Times editorial board and contributing writers from around the world.

    This is really bad, on two levels. Holding people accountable for their past is O.K., but imposing a standard of purity, in which any compromise or misstep makes you the moral equivalent of the bad guys, isn’t.

    SHE APOLOGIZED YOU CRETIN. REMEMBER BOOOOSH!? WHY ARE YOU NOT FOCUSING ON BOOOSH?!

    1. Take a look at the comments. The NYT’s picked comments. It’s pretty clear that the picker is strongly pro-Clinton.

      1. That’s because the picker is someone on the NYT’s staff.

      2. That’s because the picker is someone on the NYT’s staff.

  32. Corey Lewandowski is not a nice person.

    Who?

    1. He once grabbed a cute broad.

      1. Yeah, I think she was mad she didn’t land on her back, or something.

  33. Tundra,

    We are being spied on!

    Check the map of where the FBI spy plane has been operating.

    Maple Grove (top left) seems to be a secondary target.

  34. New Jersey man faces jail for refusing to take down flag

    Local officials said the flag violates an ordinance prohibiting the display of political signs more than 30 days ahead of an election and issued him a summons. New Jersey’s primary is on June 7.

    Libertarians everywhere outraged…?

    1. Well if the 1st amendment applies to local ordinances then that should be a slam dunk free speech violation.

      1. But under the Constitutional carve-out for political speech (its right next to the one for commercial speech), I think the ordinance may be upheld.

    2. I can understand why an ordinance could single out political speech for exemption, but singling out political speech for suppression, content-neutral or not, seems like an obvious 1A violation.

      1. Political signs are core speech. I don’t think this ordinance has a chance

  35. Worst PM Links ever.

    1. That is SO unfair.

      Robby has so many worsts. And many worster to come. You can’t know this will be the last.

      1. If yall keep complaining, he’s gonna let Nicole do the Links!

        1. That would actually be better.

  36. Deployment of a new U.S. missile-defense system to South Korea “is going to happen,” U.S. Defense Secretary Ash Carter said on Friday, adding that China should do more to counter North Korea’s missile development rather than complain about U.S. plans.

    Suggesting that SK actually ‘counter the Norks missile development’ themselves, however, will result in people calling you loony-toons.

  37. On Friday, the media company used Facebook Live to livestream its employees putting rubber bands around a watermelon with the goal of making it explode, which it ultimately did with an Internet-satisfying burst.

    Keep being you, Buzzfeed.

    1. Meh. Its been done already.

  38. one of the most brain-exploding headlines i have ever seen….

    Kerry urges Iraq not to let politics impede war against IS

    repeat = john kerry, suggesting that someone else be ‘less concerned with politics’. While *carrying out US political demands* (because fulfilling US political desires should be other people’s priorities)

    Never mind that he’s begging this of an Iranian Proxy. it just astounds. Its like Obama telling journalists to “dig deeper” in their reporting.

    1. Perhaps a refreshing alternative to that = Gary Kasperov on US Foreign Policy

      1. +1 queen’s gambit

    2. Kerry urges Iraq not to let politics impede war against IS

      The anti-war movement needs your donations now. Vote GOP in 2016!

      1. That depends on what the meaning of IS is.

        1. Wrong Clinton

  39. Trevor Noah thinks there were exactly four Founding Fathers and that they’re all on Mount Rushmore.

    WHO?!!

    1. Jesus, Elvis, Betty Crocker and Aretha Franklin.

      1. Didn’t you learn *anything* in your fancy school?

    2. Oh, THAT Trevor Noah.

      So, was Trevor a diversity hire?

      1. I read some of that alternet article. Writer’s can’t write sentences anymore. Oh, she does jokes and metaphors, too. Jesus.

        1. “Writer’s”

          Apparently, neither can I.

    3. A guy who once interviewed Rand Paul by doing some sort of bourbon drinking exercise where he looked like he was a total pussy by the way he was sipping the alcohol.

      IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO DRINK WHISKEY WHY WOULD YOU DRINK WHISKEY ON TV? WHY?

  40. LA Times: Maybe passing laws that no one will comply with isnt the best idea.

    http://www.latimes.com/opinion…..story.html

    1. The Safety for All ballot measure has two main provisions: a requirement that purchasers of ammunition undergo a background check, and a ban on the possession of magazines that hold 11 or more rounds of ammunition. The first is a worthwhile reform, but there are reasons to worry about the effect of the second.

      Too bad the Op Ed is wrong even when it’s “right”.

      1. It’s the Ammo Smuggler Enabling Act of 2016.

        1. …as the first comment illustrates.

      2. Did I mention it was the LA Times?

  41. A “Students for Trump” meeting at Portland State University didn’t go over so well.

    I suspect this was purposely timed to overlap with the “White History Month” events taking place there.

    IOW, it would seem to be very-intentionally trolling. Coordinated with “chalk” and everything

    1. Coordinated with “chalk” and everything

      Do you guys remember, just a decade ago when “chalk on the sidewalk” was thought to be an anthrax attack?

      1. A more innocent time.

    1. I haven’t watched the Daily Show for like 10 years, but I’m going to say that it is because Jon Stuart was better.

      1. I’m not editor, but I’m going to estimate it took slate 3000 words to say that Noah isn’t funny.

        1. I’m not editor

          Evidently.

          1. Hey now. Let’s keep it friendly.

            1. There are no friends on HnR just those that you haven’t gotten into a 100 post argument with over some obscure political point.

        2. In fairness, they are saying he is both unfunny *and* toothless. So that’s only like 1500 words each.

        1. I thought Noah’s bit about buying tacos was OK. But that’s probably even more racist.

    2. From the article:

      “In theory, I am the exact kind of person the new Daily Show is targeting (well, besides my gender and age, since The Daily Show is targeting 20-year-old men): a thirtysomething who cares about politics but doesn’t follow them that closely, not saturated in the details of the campaign trail but open to a sharp-tongued and eagle-eyed guide through a particularly internecine primary season.”

      I could be wrong here, but doesn’t the word ‘internecine’ need to be followed by a noun? It’s my understanding that internecine is an adjective that has no real meaning on its own. You need to add the word ‘internecine’ to ‘feud’ or ‘war’ in order to make an adjective/noun pairing.

      The phrase ‘internecine primary season’ therefore makes no fucking sense since it should read ‘a primary season consisting of a great deal of internecine strife’ or something like that.

      I know that’s pedantic, but this person was paid to write and is a pretentious asshole who doesn’t know what words mean.

      1. I could be wrong here, but doesn’t the word ‘internecine’ need to be followed by a noun

        You mean like “season”?

        1. “Seasons” dont generally struggle with themselves.

          I see Irish’s point, but i also think its a pretty subjective usage issue. The term is almost always used to modify some version of “Struggle/Strife/Conflict/War” etc… to clarify that its “conflict *within* a group, rather than between groups”.

          that said, i don’t think how she does use it is *technically* wrong, though its a little awkward.

          1. “Internecine” means “destructive to all sides”, so semantically it could be used to describe anything that’s commonly considered to have sides. A primary season certainly has sides.

            1. I know what the fucking word means.

              The point that even if you’re generous, the use of the term isn’t particularly clear in the way its being used.

              As already noted, it is MOST often used to refer to the “Intra” part – destructive *within* a group, or as the definition notes =

              “” of or relating to conflict within a group or organization”

              By calling something an “internecine” primary season its completely vague as to whether it means the respective parties destroying themselves from within, or destroying each other. If it had specified the actual *party* (e.g. ‘the intranecine GOP primary season”) it would be far clearer and better usage.

              who fucking cares. the point is that its neither entirely “incorrect” nor particularly good usage of the term.

      2. a thirtysomething who cares about politics but doesn’t follow them that closely, not saturated in the details of the campaign trail but open to a sharp-tongued and eagle-eyed guide through a particularly internecine primary season

        Translation: A 37 year old with a BA in medieval literature studies, a shitty secretarial job, and a dry spell that has dragged on for a while. But she sure has a ton of self-esteem!

      3. Primary is being used as a noun.

        In this political season most(some) I know that there is a primary underway. Primary isn’t being used for a counting purpose.

        Whether that is correct textbook English or not I will leave to those of you who didn’t graduate 30 years ago and don’t remember the rules.

  42. Trevor Noah thinks there were exactly four Founding Fathers and that they’re all on Mount Rushmore.

    What an idiot. He totally forgot about John Hancock.

    1. And Lord Cornwallis.

    2. Bolivar and San Martin!

    3. WHAT MORE DOES JOHN JAY HAVE TO DO?!?!?!??

  43. OT: Don’t know if anyone mentioned wood chipper appearing on Archer last might, so I just did.

    1. Missed it. Sounds awesome.

  44. http://goo.gl/bPOBuL the best dating site for adults meeting.

    1. Nope, it’s wartysbasement.com

      1. Warty was the self-proclaimed administrator of the town dump. … Every family I knew had a box in the basement marked “Warty” and they put all their used …

    2. Just like Ashely Madison right? 10000 horny dudes to every 0 women

      1. It’s almost like women aren’t looking for random sex with creepy internet guy.

        1. Crusty hardest hit.

            1. Crusty hardest.

              1. Wrong. I did not just walk into Pizza Hut.

                  1. My meme-fu is awesome today.

                    1. Euphemism?

  45. I am thankful for the fact that I never have to meet the people in these stories.

    1. Seriously.

  46. It’s really not just that Corey Lewandowsk isn’t a nice person, but Trump supporters aren’t. That article touches on how one of the women has been constantly harassed by Trump supporters. That’s extremely common for female detractors of Trump (Dana Loesch comes to mind, as does Amanda Carpenter), yet doesn’t seem to be getting much media coverage

  47. Oh. Biden is in town today. I should have walked to work.

    1. They have closed half the roads since lunch.

      1. They have to close things down otherwise he’ll wander off and they’ll have a time finding him.

  48. Sorry everyone’s on your case, Robby. 🙁 I really like you and your output here. And your outgrowth up there.

    And I’m not just defending you because I Would?.

    1. There’s no need to be crass. Clean it up.

      1. I know. Sorry. _< I forget HnR decorum

  49. OT: I’m at the LP Texas convention, and there are 4!!! women in this row of seats for the presidential debate. Y’all have been lying to me!

      1. That’s a man, baby!

      2. That’s rude. You haven’t even determined their proper pronouns yet.

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