Trigger Warning: "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" is coming to Blu-Ray

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Before you buy The Force Awakens on Blu-Ray, make sure to check the trigger warnings.

Written by Zach Weissmueller, Austin Bragg, & Justin Monticello. Produced by Bragg.

Approx. 1 minute.

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  1. Sucked

    1. Look, it’s entirely plausible for two untrained noobs to take down a malevolent badass with granddaddy issues who has been handling a saber and the Force since since birth. It’s plausible like linebacker Klingons with dreadlocks that they culturally appropriated from Earth.

      1. I hated it because they made the main villian a little bitch. How is there any suspense for the upcoming movies now? Rey had no training picked up a lightsaber for the first time and beat the hell out of Kylo hell Finn even held his own and he doesn’t have the force. It would be like having Luke defeat vader in single combat in Episode IV nobody would have taken Vader seriously after that. And I know why they did it JJ the hack who can only essentially remake Episode IV wanted his girl power credentials. He’s made statements showing he wants to be seen as a social justice warrior.

        The thing that pisses me off the most though is how everybody and their mom seems to like it. I mean wtf? Its almost a shot for shot remake of Episode IV! Its all flash and no depth!

        Is it a fun popcorn flick? Sure, sure but it breaks the rules of Star Wars lore shown in the previous times over and over again has plotholes galore and lacks creativity.

        1. I disagree that it’s even a fun popcorn flick. Unless, perhaps, you’ve never heard nor read anything at all about Star Wars.

        2. Snope had undertrained Ren on purpose to prevent a Sideous part 2 (if he is Plageius). And recalled him at the end of the movie stating additional training was needed.

          Rey had been fighting with melee weapons for some time and was very good. She had not really unlocked her Kenobi DNA per se but I see it as Luke being a better pilot than Vader in New Hope.

          1. Then what’s the *point* of having an apprentice if yout rain him so poorly he can’t actually accomplish anything.

            The ginger monkey who rants at his own apathetic troops is a more charismatic, fearsome, *competent* villian than Ren&Stimpy; (who needs the long hair to hide his riiiiiiiidiculous ears).

            1. Ren was competent. Until he ran into rebels that were strong with the force.

              And Snope realized his mistake at the end of the movie and pledged to continue Ren’s training. He also needed to deal with the potential of Ren’s good; why train someone if they are going to do a babyface turn.

              1. Ren accomplished *nothing*.

                He lost the data, killed the guy who could have told him where it had gone in a fit of pique – and that’s at the beginning of the movie.

                1. In Star Wars Vader lost the robots with the DS plans. Let Leia go. Had the DS blown up. He killed ObiWan. And killed Uncle Owen. He makes some Imperial dude spit up an egg yolk.

                  In Force Awakens Ren lost the data. Rey gets away. The planet blows up. He killed Han. And killed Max von Sydow. He holds a blaster shot with the force.

                  1. 1. He had nothing to do with and even opposed the planet blowing up because *it wasn’t his idea*.

                    2. Vader didn’t waste his anger on childish trashing of computer consoles.

                    3. We’ve yet to see Stimpy do anything to recover from the blunder of randomly killing some old guy in a fit of pique when he wouldn’t immediately tell him what happened to the tapes.

                    4. He killed Han – in the most idiotic, crybaby way possible. And still managed to do it in the only place that you saw in the whole movie where a bridge did not have a railing. Literally every other walkway in the *same* room has a railing – except this one where they have they’re ‘showdown’.

                    Look man – Ren, he’s got good hair. Great hair. HIs barber charges him extra. He can barely get a comb through it. Its a great fucking head of hair. But he’s an incompetent wuss as a villain.

                    1. (1) Yes. I’m making the parallel with Vader in New Hope.

                      (2) Vader made the guy spit up an egg yolk. I believe he force throat killed a rebel in the early parts of the movie. Not quite as bad but not dissimilar.

                      (3) He is as effective as Vader was in New Hope.

                      (4) Had there been a railing that would have changed your view on his batting average?

                      He was purposely not trained but had the pedigree. It makes sense to me. And they explained it in the movie. I imagine the next offering will explain it more. I didn’t like it when I left the theatre. I got home and thought about it. It makes sense to me. If not for you skip the rest of the movies or watxh them to have it better explained.

              2. Ren was competent. Until he ran into rebels that were strong with the force.

                Except this is a guy supposedly so strong in the Force he can already freeze laser blasts in mid-air. Even in a universe were some suspension of disbelief is necessary, are we really supposed to buy that some assembly-line stormtrooper wouldn’t have gotten decapitated in less than 15 seconds, as well as a Force-sensitive with no training at all? Even Luke got his ass beat the first time he took on Vader.

                1. Vader was a trained Jedi and a trained Sith. Ren is force sensitive and neither the Jedi (Luke) nor the Sith (Snope) trusted him. With that said what was the likelihood either spent a lot of time teaching him to master the light sabre?
                  Rey likely fought quite often. Finn is not a clone. I think you will find they later share he is also force sensitive.
                  This film was intended to follow New Hope closely so that fans didn’t have another Jar-Jar moment. It made sense to have two new force sensitive good guys.

                  1. Vader was a trained Jedi and a trained Sith. Ren is force sensitive and neither the Jedi (Luke) nor the Sith (Snope) trusted him. With that said what was the likelihood either spent a lot of time teaching him to master the light sabre?

                    We don’t know enough of the backstory on Ren to know for sure the extent of the training he actually had from either the Jedi or Snoke, but if he’s already trained enough to hold blaster bolts in mid-air, it’s obvious his power goes way beyond just being merely Force-sensitive. The Sith are also notoriously paranoid, given how often their own apprentices end up killing them.

                    Rey likely fought quite often. Finn is not a clone. I think you will find they later share he is also force sensitive.

                    Ren may not have much in the way of lightsaber training, but Finn had NONE before the movie. Force-sensitive or not, you take someone who’s never dueled with a saber against someone with enough training to know wha they’re doing, and the former will get handled easily. It strains credulity to state that Rey has extensive hand-to-hand combat experience just because she looks good carrying around a space-age bo staff.

                    This film was intended to follow New Hope closely so that fans didn’t have another Jar-Jar moment.

                    Abrams did the same methodology with Star Trek–lost of fan service injected into the storyline to try and overcome his inability to actually tell a coherent story.

                    1. Ren has the pedigree. So there could be things he could do well without much training (see Luke and Annakin piloting and Rey’s “these aren’t the droids…”). While very impressive, holding one blaster bolt is different than mastering the light sabre. And we know both sets of masters had reservations about imparting knowledge.

                      You see other stormtroopers using melee weapons. Finn was a stormtrooper. Trained with melee weapons? Likely. It was this battle that left me flat at the end of the movie. And I thought about it and it now makes sense. If you don’t like it, that is your choice. I see Ren as force sensitive with some (likely non-combat) force training who carries a light sabre cos grandaddy was Vader.

                      I liked the story. I think it served the franchise well and left a lot to be explored in the next movie (I could be totally off with my assertions. Maybe what the really do makes more sense or maybe they have a shit story that only caters to dumb marks and you guys are spot on with questioning things that currently are not explicitly explained).

                    2. It was a rehash of the first Star Was movie with lazier writing.

                      Finn: “Damn, here I am lost on a desert planet I’ve never been to before and my buddy just died I guess. Well, guess I’ll walk in a random direction until I dehydrate. OH HAI LOOK A VILLAGE WITH THE DROID MY BUDDY WUZ LOOKIN FOR!”

                      Rey: “Don’t use that rust bucket, Finn! We’ll take this ship instead.” :BOOM!: “Okay, we’ll take the rust bucket instead. OH HAI IT’S ACTUALLY THE COOLEST SHIP IN THE GALAXY! I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT NOW THAT I’M INSIDE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER EVEN THOUGH IT’S BEEN HERE FOR YEARS! IMA BOUNCE IT OFF THE PLANET A COUPLE TIMES THEN FIX IT UP BETTER THAN THAT FAMOUS GUY HAN SOLO WHO FLEW IT–OH HAI THERE HE IS NOW OMG SQUEE!!

                      Finn: “Look, Han, the only reason I came to this planet-sized death machine is to fine a single, solitary person. I don’t care about the Rebellion/Resistance. I’m just here to find Rey.”

                      Han: “OH HAI THERE SHE IS BEHIND YOU!”

                    3. I agree there was catering to 15-year olds and millenials with kids. Reminded me of Duck Tales.

                      And absolutely it was hat tipping throughout to Episodes 4 – 6. A little of that went a long way with me. I gave it a B+/A-

                      Go back to the dialogue in New Hope. Some of that is rather cheesy.

                    4. You see other stormtroopers using melee weapons. Finn was a stormtrooper. Trained with melee weapons? Likely.

                      More like conjecture. It’s pretty clear from how the melee troopers are portrayed that they’re specialists (more for consumer purposes because in order to sell more toys, you need more types of characters), and that if Finn had shown any talent for hand weapons he would have been assigned to one of those units . This is a remnant of the Imperial army, where creativity, flexibility, and initiative are not exactly a demonstrated part of their military doctrine. This is an entity that’s now had their superweapon destroyed the exact same way THREE times, but a blaster trooper is going to be able to hold his own against a Force trained Sith? Come on.

                    5. Ren was probably not trained much with a lightsabre for reasons discussed multiple times here.

                      Likely = conjecture.

                      I guess you will need to wait for Ep8 before anything could make sense.

                    6. I don’t see where they can go with Ren now. Rey is going to be training with Luke Ren will be training with Snoke. She either defeats him again in Episode VIII or Rey makes Luke look like a crap teacher when she is defeated by him.

                      Episode VIII will probably have Rey training Luke,

                    7. Tulpa. Maybe the Carebears movie would be more your speed.

                    8. Luke look like a crap teacher

                      Uh, he already looks like one of the worst teachers ever.

                      Also, why are people blaming Vader for what happened in IV? He wasn’t in command

                2. Even Luke got his ass beat the first time he took on Vader.

                  To be fair, it looks like Rey has experience fighting, while Luke mainly had experience whining about his chores. “Gosh golly, I’m never going *anywhere*!”

                  1. Reminds me of this

          2. Ren was also trained by Luke and presumably killed a bunch of Jedi when he sacked the temple. I find it highly unlikely Rey is a descedant of by the books jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi. Vader was about to kill luke in ANH he was only saved at the last second by Han. In the Original Trilogy the team was actually a team they had strengths and weaknesses that complimented each other. Han was street smart and a great pilot but was at the beginning wary of developing relationships and joining the fight against the Empire. Leia was a leader of the Rebellion was politically smart and could defend herself but she wasn’t a Mary Sue like Rey. Luke was a good pilot, strong in the force but it took him three movies until he was able to take on Darth Vader effectively, he was also whiny and had essentially no street smarts.

            Luke was defeated by the Sand people in ANH had to be rescued by Obi Wan, had to be rescued again by Obi Wan when Vader showed up, had to be saved by Han so he could destroy the death star. His force powers were limited to a mediocre showing against a training remote and good marksmanship when he destroyed the Death Star.

            1. Rey a defenseless little girl raised and defended herself on a hostile planet, was a skilled martial artist, an excellent pilot despite the fact she had never flown (Luke had his T16 an airplane which was not shown in the film but was mentioned). She was an excellent mechanic and new the Falcon better than Han, she was captured yes but didn’t even need to be rescued and despite no training in the force or with a lightsaber was able to take on the Master of the Knights of Ren and beat him, she also used Jedi Mind tricks. Lets not forget that Finn was absolutely devoted to her and Han wanted to hire her.
              She is the definition of a Mary Sue. No flaws, amazing skills, everybody likes her, yadda yadda.

              1. Tulpa

                Then wait for Episode 8.

            2. Didn’t he sack the temple with a bunch of First Order forces? Recall Episode 3 where a bunch of droids killed a whole lot of actual top shelf jedi.

              They went out of their way to imply Rey is a Kenobi. Maybe she’s actually related to Jar-Jar but for me that is the story I saw.

              Luke is flying in a narrow channel. And Vader can’t kill him. Speaking of teams, you have two people trained to fight melee against someone likely not receiving much real training.

              Ren could not “mind meld” with a weak, insignificant non-Kenobi Rey even though he was the strongest and most trained force user ever? Right?

              Vader may have been the best pilot in the universe yet in a channel, with wingmen, could not shoot down Luke’s xwing.

              Tulpa, you try too hard.

              1. Luke was in Vader’s sights. When Vader said, “I have you now,” he wasn’t talking to Luke’s buddies, because he killed one and ran the other off.

                1. I guess Vader really did have Luke since he did manage to shoot down the X-wing and save the deathstar.

                  1. Not what I said.

                    Luke and Vader were both naturally strong in the Force. Luke had managed to keep himself out of Vader’s sights for almost the entire length of the trench run, but Vader finally lined him up after taking out the two X-wings closer to him, and just before Vader took the shot Han returned and took out–not Vader–but one of Vader’s flunkies. The other flunky panicked and steered into Vader’s ship, knocking it out of the trench. Luke is clear of danger, fires, kaboom, medals, the end, roll credits.

                    1. Yeah. And none of that is inconsistent with what I said. As stated to others, stop watching or wait for Ep8.

              2. What are you five years old? Oh your Tulpa. I guess I win the argument, dumbass.

                1. Tulpa Tulpa

        3. Why does nobody mention Kylo Ren was injured when he fought Finn and Rey when talking about how bad a lightsaber fighter he was? You think it would it have have had some effect on his performance.

          1. Couldn’t they also mention that he’s a moron who went out into the woods to fight two people when he had a planet of lackeys available to help him?

      2. That’s not to mention the unnecessary cloning of the original and Ford and Fisher calling in their performances.

  2. NEEDZ MOAR HANDRAILS!!1!

    1. What did Kylo Ren say to Princess Leia?

      Look Ma, no Hans.

      1. + All Interwebz Points

      2. He shoots, he scores!

  3. You,people,do,know it’s entirely possible Rey had a bunch of Jedi training but had her memories of it blocked for her own safety when she was put on that desert planet? She mentioned she didn’t remember her childhood and wanted to find out who she was. That doesn’t happen without some kind of memory blocking.

    I’m not defending the writing here, but it’s quite possible that’s part of the plot.

    1. So her name could be Reyson Bourne?

    2. That and Kylo Ren sucks. Note that he wasn’t honored with the title “Darth”. He is just some dickhead apprentice.

    3. No its not possible she had any training of any significance. You even see the flashback memory of her being left there where she’s about as old as the kids in EP3 – the ones that are just learning how to wave their glowsticks around and got slaughtered by Skywalker.

      1. She was a very competent melee weapon combatant. And there was hesitation by both Luke/Han/Leia as well as Snope (Plageis?) to train him well due to the potential to switch sides. She is a Kenobi. Luke and Annakin were great pilots prior to force training. It wasn’t like she was tossing trees around with the force.

        1. She was a competent melee combatant with a completely different type of weapon. And I wouldn’t even necessarily say more than competent – how many people do you think she’s killed with that stick of hers?

          If that scene had been remotely competent, Stimpy would have simply cut off her hand (hey – now she gets cool robot hands!) and swooped her up and left.

          1. A lone female scavenger in a lawless land. And she is still alive. You’re right. She probably can’t fight all that well.

            As explained above Ren was force sensitve (and owns a light sabre) but likely got nothing substantive in real training. I see it like von Moltke the Elder versus von Moltke the Younger.

            1. A lone scavenger on a lawless planet that has freaking laser guns in easy supply (LIBERTOPIA!).

              Yeah, she probably never actually ever had to fight for her life with that stick.

              And, as the scene where she wanders out into the desert for some stupidly random reason and encounters and chases off the guy trying to snag the orange hamsterball – the other scavengers on this planet are complete wusses.

              I mean, that dude had a complete right to go and shoot her where she stood – *she* was trying to steal his find from him. Its not like she could claim it was hers as she had never seen the cat toy before.

              1. Didn’t recall the scene where she had a blaster. Whenever I get around to watching it again I will have to look for that.

                Because she didn’t have a blaster?

                Umm. “These are not the droids you are looking for.” She is a Kenobi. She has that ability to scare folks away (when Ben got rid f the sandpeople haassing Luke).

                Maybe that is the case but the guy didn’t. And whether he had tried or bot has no bearing on her abilities or Ren’s lack of training.

                1. Because she didn’t have a blaster – on a planet where they’re in easy supply.

                  And you’re ‘she’s a Kenobi’ is sadly all too likely. Because this is a fictional universe that literally spans a galaxy and more yet there are only 15 planets and 2 dozen people in it.

                  1. She didn’t have a blaster. But she had a melee weapon. And she was still around. Without other info that contradicts I’m satisfied that she that she is adept at melee weapon combat.

                    They did everything to make her a Kenobi short of a name tag. The outfit. The “not the droids” ability. Climbing around like Ben did in New Hope. The British accent (typically reserved for imperials).

  4. Can Jewbacca wear dreadlocks if he is Hasidic?

  5. So………is Melissa Harris-Perry supposed to be black, or what?

    1. She plays it up with the cornrows. I believe that a few generations ago, she’s close to what used to be called a “high yellow.”

  6. They played this for Lucas? That’s great. And who’s the other guy at the end?

    Oh, and don’t forget the misogynist imagery of tiny ships, piloted by males, destroying the giant, spherical Death Star. That’s obviously a symbol of sperm killing an egg!

  7. Well it looks like JJ. Abrams is so bad that he screwed up “A New Hope”

    I utterly hate him as a Director. “Fringe” is the only show he did right, and even at the end he screwed that up.

    1. You can opt to not watch.

  8. If Vader had taken off his helmet to reveal himself as a black guy who sired white twins, there’d be many more feelings with more validity rooted in basic reasoning than you’d find in bitter feelings about the racial injustice of hiring James Earl Jones as a voice actor.

    But even if James Earl Jones got some Vader face time, Melissa Harris-Perry would either be pissing and moaning that the second most evil dude in the galaxy was a black guy or that he was a slave to an evil white guy.

    1. Melissa Harris Perry should put those tampon earing in her ears so her brain stops leaking out.

  9. Anyone else notice that computer monitor and mouse the guy was using at the end were straight out of 1999?

    1. Aha, you are correct. So Mr. Bragg & Co. took an old clip and inserted their own video. Silly me for not noticing.

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