Suicide Bombing in Istanbul, More U.S. Troops to Iraq, Comets In Close Fly-Bys This Week: A.M. Links

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  • NASA

    A suicide bomber in Istanbul killed four foreigners; Turkey says the bomber was affiliated with ISIS. Meanwhile, the U.S. deployed more troops to Iraq after a Marine was killed by an ISIS rocket.

  • President Obama arrived in Cuba, where dissidents were arrested ahead of his visit.
  • Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says Obama Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland won't get a hearing.
  • Donald Trump will meet with top Republicans in Washington ahead of a speech to the American Israeli lobby. Lindsey Graham wants John Kasich to drop out so that Ted Cruz can beat Trump.
  • A Florida jury awarded Hulk Hogan $115 million in his lawsuit against Gawker.
  • Two comets will pass by Earth, one today and one tomorrow.

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  1. Two comets will pass by Earth, one today and one tomorrow.

    Named Hillary and Trump.

    1. Claw clap

    2. Hello.

    3. One today: Bee Tagger
      One tomorrow: Fist

    4. IIRC, they are pieces of the same comet.

      1. We’re all connected, man.

        1. Just like Hillary and Trump.

  2. Two comets will pass by Earth, one today and one tomorrow.

    DOUBLE ZOMBIES

    1. “Dad would have gotten us Uzis.”

  3. A Florida jury awarded Hulk Hogan $115 million in his lawsuit against Gawker.

    This will have a chilling effect on sex tapes nobody wants to see.

    1. Some people are a fan of that genre.

      1. Crusty – You are an Army of One, in that.

        1. YEAH, BROTHER

          1. WHADDYA GONNA DO WHEN THE SEX TAPE POLICE COME DOWN ON YOU!?!?!??

        2. There is some rule out there that says CJ is probably one of many.

          Gawker sure seemed to think there were more fans out there.

          1. If someone tells you you’re “one in a million,” what they’re really saying is that there are 1200 people in China exactly like you.

            For real, though, there is only one Crusty.

  4. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says Obama Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland won’t get a hearing.

    STRAIGHT TO CONFIRMATION

    1. I’m somewhat surprised they don’t want to hold hearings and ready to be confirmed during the lame duck session, in the even that they lose the Senate and the presidency, which is a very real possibility.

      1. That will make it a daily news story for several weeks. They’re hoping that refusing to hear will burn brightly, but briefly.

  5. President Obama arrived in Cuba, where dissidents were arrested ahead of his visit.

    If the Cuban news didn’t report on this, how would he would ever know about it?

    1. Actually, Obama sent a Twitter shout-out to Los Cubanos. Seriously – nobody told Obama the Cubans aren’t big on Twitter. Or the internet. Or the printing press.

      1. The Cuban ex-pats here will read his twits, reminding them to be incensed that the commies they escaped will have outlasted the embargo.

      2. “If it reaches only one Cubano, aren’t we obligated to try?”

    2. The village voice?

    3. Hey, he gave a press conference in which he feigned outrage, then dismissed it as a PHAIK SKANDUL!

      What more do you want from the guy?

    4. The arrest is apparently a weekly event. Wives of political protesters protest in the street every week at the same time. Cuba arrests them, then releases them later.

  6. Donut lover hijacks bus for ride to Tim Hortons in most Canadian crime ever

    The 31-year-old Canadian began his unlawful quest for a late night snack at around 12:30 a.m. Friday, when he boarded the vehicle and brandished the blade, causing passengers to flee, according to the Toronto Star.

    Once everyone was off the bus, the unidentified man ordered the driver to take off ? insisting that he ignore the red lights and just run right through them.

    The pair drove for about five miles before finally reaching the Tim Hortons, cops said.

    After the man urged the driver to stop in the parking lot, he strolled on in to the donut mecca, where he was eventually arrested by local police.

    1. “Take off, eh?”

    2. brandished the blade

      Will these masturbation euphemisms *never* stop?!

    3. FOR TIMBITS, I WOULD DO THE SAME!

    4. And the US government (CDC) is worried about opiates? obviously, Canadian donut addition is more dangerous.

    5. Canada is so fucken lame. We have ONE source for doughnuts and we brag about it.

      Fucking lame ass fucken lamers.

      1. Frigging hosers, eh?

        1. Bah.

          I’m tired of all the myopic boasting. ‘Target messed up because we’re such sophisticated shoppers’ and ‘yeah we have to wait for months and months to speak to a specialist but it’s free!’

          Ah, shaddap.

      2. Is Tim Horton’s any good or is it complete shit like Dunkin’ Donuts?

        1. When my family went on a road trip in Canada, the kids loved Tim Horton’s, especially their doughnut holes which they market as “Tim’s Bits”.

          One day my wife asked the clerk for a dozen doughnut holes, and the clerk was dumbfounded by the order. She had no idea of what “dozen” or “doughnut hole” meant. Evidently even fried pastries are on the metric system in Canada.

          1. So I suppose there was no Baker’s Dozen there, either?

        2. Coffee was ok. Though I don’t get the fanatic loyalty towards the franchise, it still makes infinitely more sense than Dunkin Donuts’ fan club.

      3. When you’re not wasting money on 23 different types of doughnuts, look what you can do!

    6. The most Canadian crime will require that to happen while he was holding a beer and wearing an awful lot of denim.

      And the “eventually” part of that last sentence I assume was due to the local police already at the Timmies wanted to finish their donuts and coffee first.

      1. “We’ve got you surrounded, eh! Surrender, please!”

      2. I dare you to say that to Crosby’s face.

  7. Lindsey Graham wants John Kasich to drop out so that Ted Cruz can beat Trump.

    Kinky.

    1. Didn’t someone say something above about sex tapes that no one wants to see?

    2. I am so sick of these motherfucking masturbation euphemisms in my motherfucking comments!

    3. Need to brush up on my euchre. I didn’t think a cruz could beat a trump.

  8. Lindsey Graham wants John Kasich to drop out so that Ted Cruz can beat Trump.

    He has an odd grasp on cause and effect.

  9. A ?200 million research vessel to be named “Boaty McBoatface” by the voting public

    An open vote has been set up to name the next Royal Research Ship (RRS), with the public allowed to come up and vote for new names of the vessel.

    The ?200 million (?256 million) ship is due to take to the seas and explore the Arctic and Antarctic from 2019, but the current front-runner for the vessel’s name is already gathering a lot of attention: RRS Boaty McBoatface.

    If the name sticks, Boaty will replace the RRS James Clark Ross and RRS Ernest Shackleton in their researching purposes.

    we’re all trolls now

    1. At least “Usain Boat” is clever.

    2. I think this vote typifies all the reasons democracy is stupid.

    3. This is the worst metaphor for a Trump candidacy that I’ve seen.

    4. There’s shows that there’s still hope for democracy.

    5. I like Masterboat.

  10. Exclusive: China central bank to Fed: A little help, please?

    Confronted with a plunge in its stock markets last year, China’s central bank swiftly reached out to the U.S. Federal Reserve, asking it to share its play book for dealing with Wall Street’s “Black Monday” crash of 1987.

    The request came in a July 27 email from a People’s Bank of China official with a subject line: “Your urgent assistance is greatly appreciated!”

    In a message to a senior Fed staffer, the PBOC’s New York-based chief representative for the Americas, Song Xiangyan, pointed to the day’s 8.5 percent drop in Chinese stocks and said “my Governor would like to draw from your good experience.”

    1. subject line: “Your urgent assistance is greatly appreciated!”

      Followed by “I am a Chinese prince in exile.”

      1. Do you think Yellen sent her account numbers?

        1. 46’56’56’,

        2. They can just ask Russian hackers for them.

        3. Given that the Chinese markets have “recovered”/reinflated somewhat, I’m thinking yes, she did.

    2. Official Answer

      Throw Money at it and hope it goes away

      1. I thought that was the playbook for dealing with Iran?

        1. That’s the play book for everything.

        2. It works for everything until it stops working.

          1. It hasn’t worked for anything yet, but that’s because we haven’t spent enough.

            /Krugnuttz

    3. “Nuts!”

    4. The request came in a July 27 email from a People’s Bank of China official with a subject line: “Your urgent assistance is greatly appreciated!”

      And they opened it? They don’t even have a spam filter on their e-mail account? And these people are from the same organizaton that insist they’re more down with electronic security than Apple?

      1. No shit. Who would think a request for massive multi-billion dollar “assistance” would come in an email?

    1. All I know is the Church has produce beautiful – I mean beautifully angelic – music.

      1. produced

      2. I’ll take En Vogue,and better dresses.

    2. Son of man? I didn’t know they had that kind of technology 2,000 years ago. Musta been a miracle.

  11. “President Obama arrived in Cuba, where dissidents were arrested ahead of his visit.”

    Obama: What happened to the dissidents?
    Castro (stroking cigar – it’s a metaphor for…): What dissidents?
    Obama (slaps thighs with both hands): Well, my work is done. Where’s the golf course?
    Castro: It’s being used for execu…er, please follow me.

    1. Yikes. Not that it matters but in case Preet is reading the closing should have gone like…

      Castro: It’s being used for execu…er please follow me.
      Obama balks.
      Castro: To the golf course…of course….

      Now I feel better.

      1. *closeup shot of subpoena going into a mailbox*

        1. Can Preet subpoena Canadians?

  12. Stand to work if you like, but don’t brag about the benefits

    Too much sitting increases heart failure risk and disability risk, and shortens life expectancy, studies have found. But according to an analysis published Wednesday of 20 of the best studies done so far, there’s little evidence that workplace interventions like the sit-stand desk or even the flashier pedaling or treadmill desks will help you burn lots more calories, or prevent or reverse the harm of sitting for hours on end.

    “What we actually found is that most of it is, very much, just fashionable and not proven good for your health,” says Dr. Jos Verbeek, a health researcher at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health.

    Verbeek says that the studies he and his co-authors analyzed came to conflicting conclusions about whether sit-stand desks reduce sitting time. Even the best research available wasn’t great, the researchers write in the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews. The studies were either too small to be significant, the scientists say, or were poorly designed. For example, most were not randomized controlled trials, and the longest study followed participants for only six months.

    1. conflicting conclusions about whether sit-stand desks reduce sitting time.

      With all due respect, this seems like a no-brainer.

    2. For what it’s worth, standing to work cured my chronic Lyme disease.

      1. I thought the coffee enemas and Laetrile did that?

        1. No, that cures the vaccine-induced autism.

          1. What cures stress-induced Tourette syndrome?

            Asking for a friend.

              1. and a visit by Warty. That will cure everything, even your ability to breathe.

            1. FUCK OFF!!!!!

              /stress-induced Tourette syndrome

          2. Crusty didn’t get his autism from a vaccine. He was born that way.

        2. Coffee enemas work, of course, but it was the increased expenditures on cubicle doors that doomed this treatment.

          1. Extra sugar, please.

    3. I stand because it helps my posture. My shoulders no longer hurt. Of course I take breaks and sit throughout the day.

  13. Obama Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland won’t get a hearing.

    I didn’t even know he was up on charges.

  14. This Group Defeated Keyless Entry Cars With Simple Homemade Devices

    German automobile club ADAC has released a report showing they were able to easily break into cars from 19 different manufacturers using a set of devices they built for a few hundred dollars.

    The devices allowed the ADAC technicians to perform a relay attack on proximity key enabled vehicles by repeating the signal from the key fob.

    ADAC was able to defeat the vehicle’s security mechanism by building two devices that can extend the signals up to a few hundred feet. The tester with the amplification device would walk close to the fob location, while the tester with the receiving device would walk over to the vehicle and initiate the unlock procedure.

    Once inside the vehicle, the car can be started by placing the receiving device close to the ignition module and repeating the signal once more.

    1. This Group Defeated Keyless Entry Cars With Simple Homemade Devices

      Coathangers?

      1. That’s how you defeat Planned Parenthood.

      2. This is no time for an abortion subthread.

        1. Refresh mfer.

          1. nice.

      3. They were breaking into cars, Rich, not breaking into pregnant women.

        1. Coathangers are like duct tape and WD-40 — good for what ails you.

          1. Coathangers are like your mom – everybody’s used it at least once.

      4. To be fair, a lot of cars are now quite difficult to open with a long reaching coat hanger or other tool. The locks are now solenoids, and the handle inside doesn’t mechanically connect with the latch. Some require 40 or so pounds on the seat to let the buttons or handle work.

        /I make car keys for a living.

        I don’t trust fobs.

        1. Fobs are so gay.

    2. See? Keys are just better.

      1. Just bought a 4 year old Camry (no camera, no screen, etc.) and I still feel inundated by technology that annoys me more than it helps me.

        1. I dread the next time I need to buy a car. I might have to go back to shitty old used cars that you replace every year or so.

          1. No need for that. There are plenty of good, used cars out there.

            1. No kidding. I think our next car will be a used car. Probably a lease turnback. Those seem to be in the sweet spot (3 years old), and if the manufacturer has a good certified used car program, probably the best place to look for decent values.

  15. Meanwhile, the U.S. deployed more troops to Iraq after a Marine was killed by an ISIS rocket.

    Luckily, we don’t have any “boots on the ground”!

    1. But they’re merely advising.

      1. They are in entrenched defensive positions protecting the advisers. It is all part of smart diplomacy.

      2. Back when I was in the Corps, I spent months in Advice school.

        1. Every marine an advisor?

          1. I’ve never met a marine who wasn’t ready to instantly dispense advice.

            1. The important thing is to emphasize the advise with the knife-hand, obscenities, and – if needed – red-faced murderous rage.

  16. TSA Compliant Multitool.

      1. Imma get that laser-etched on my Taurus Judge.

    1. I have a Pocket Ninja that is TSA compliant. It really upset the one asshole, because it says freaking Ninja right on it, but none of the edges or pointy things exceed the limits, so his super let it go.

      1. Don’t worry, i’m sure that hero was able to assuage his butthurt by confiscating some old ladies’ nail clippers.

        1. He got my shampoo, its all good

  17. Wall Street’s Pile of Unwanted Treasuries Exposes Market Cracks

    The world’s biggest bond dealers are getting saddled with Treasuries they can’t seem to easily get rid of, adding to evidence of cracks in the $13.3 trillion market for U.S. government debt.

    The 22 primary dealers held more Treasuries last month than any time in the last two years, Federal Reserve Bank of New York data show. While at first glance that may suggest a bullish stance, the surge in holdings is more likely the result of investors including central banks dumping the debt on the firms, said JPMorgan Chase & Co. strategist Jay Barry. Foreign official accounts sold a net $105 billion of the securities in December and January, an unprecedented liquidation, Treasury Department data show.

    Strategists say there are signs that the buildup of Treasuries held by dealers is having a ripple effect, mucking up the plumbing of the financial system. While the holdings show they did their job by soaking up the supply from central banks raising cash to support their currencies, it’s adding to questions about the resilience of the world’s most important market. The Treasury Department is already looking into whether the market isn’t operating as smoothly as it should.

    1. “””they can’t seem to easily get rid of, adding to evidence of cracks in the $13.3 trillion market for U.S. government debt.”‘

      What? You mean there is not an unlimited market for debt, what kind of crazy talk is this!!!!!

    2. The Treasury Department is already looking into whether the market isn’t operating as smoothly as it should.

      Clearly this is a market failure. It is simply impossible that there is a limit to how much artificial interest rate lowering we can do.

      1. Must pass a law to fix this obvious market failure. Something along the lines of “all 401(k) accounts must contain a minimum percentage of Treasuries”. What could possibly go wrong?

    3. This is a sign that credit markets are locking up again. And not just any credit market: the market for Treasuries.

      This surprises me somewhat, because the Fed was clearing these markets. If they’ve stopped, I wonder why.

  18. Northampton troopers find 230 bags of heroin after suspect whispers ‘I don’t think they found all the stuff in the car’

    After spotting a crack pipe sitting on the front passenger’s thigh, troopers searched the vehicle and found two additional crack pipes, several baggies of heroin and crack cocaine, and a digital scale with heroin residue on it, police reports said. Hypodermic needles were also found on the car’s floor.

    While transporting the suspects from state police barracks in Northampton to the Hampshire County Jail & House of Corrections, troopers allegedly heard Tutsock turn to Johnson and Richards and whisper, “I don’t think they found all the stuff in the car.”

    Shortly after, detectives returned to the car in question to conduct a second search, police reports said. Police came across a sealed red Coca Cola can containing 230 baggies of heroin labeled “Alpha” on the car’s floor police said. Troopers also discovered three digital scales with white powder on them inside the trunk’s spare tire compartment.

    1. Glad they didn’t find that rock deep inside your rectum.
      *In overly loud whisper*

      1. damn near killed him

  19. Police: Woman stabbed husband for not getting out of bed

    A South Texas woman has been charged with aggravated assault after police say she stabbed her common-law husband because he wouldn’t get out of bed.

    Officers were called Wednesday to a Corpus Christi home where the husband told police that his common-law wife, 39-year-old Melinda Hinojosa, had hit him on the head with a pot and punched him three times in the face.

    Police said the man told officers that Hinojosa then grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed him in his left hand.

    1. Is it my imagination, or do men need to call in some reinforcements in the “war on women”?

    2. There is nothing a woman hates more than the sight of a sleeping man.

    3. Yeah, but, did he get out of bed?

  20. I have yet to hear my lefty friends give a single reason more specific than “centrism” why Garland would make a good justice. It’s mostly go-team-go. His record horrifies more thoughtful progressives.

    1. ” more thoughtful progressives” are about as rare as unicorns.

    1. Did they try shutting their plugholes for once? I’m trying to concentrate over here.

    2. Okay, these masterbation euphemisms are getting out of hand!

      1. ISWYDT

      2. You guys need to get ahold of yourselves.

    3. “Plugholes”? You’d think that a country that has been using English as long as they have wouldn’t throw around oxymorons so carelessly.

    4. Why would you use one of those in the shower? That’s a terrible idea. Huge waste of product.

  21. The Price of Nice
    … And just like Hugo you make the same predictable assumptions about men expecting sex for niceties in an era where women exploit and advertise that men doing more chores and making women’s lives easier will lead to sex.

    You see shaming Nice Guys for playing by the rules every woman has told him he ought to play by ? since his single-mother or feminized father mentioned he should respect women by default to him since 5 years old ? is the height of Hypergamous hypocrisy. Every time a woman, or a Vichy Male femsplainer, tells a guy “just be yourself’ or “women love men who respect women” or in some other way convince him that women’s intimacy is best achieved by being the sensitive, understanding and supportive Beta they’ll need once they can no longer attract an Alpha asshole, all you do is reinforce the Nice Guy you now hate so much.

    You see, you don’t get it both ways. You can’t shame and heap derision upon a Nice Guy for believing the same Old Books horse shit you’ve taught him will earn a woman’s favor and love. You don’t get to call him duplicitous when he believes all the “just be yourself” and “in the end women really want Nice men” tropes he’s been fed by the media mouths of a society that’s founded on women’s Hypergamy….

    1. Why Poor White Males Are the Core of Trump’s Support
      …Now, when I say “poor whites,” smart people should hear “people who are willing to be violent.”

      Who mans America’s actual fighting regiments? That’s right, poor whites.

      Who are your police? Who are your prison guards?

      Right. Even if they make decent money as a cop or guard, they’re poor whites by culture: Scots-Irish core.

      These are bad people to alienate to the point where they are willing to turn, en-masse, to a demagogue.

      Just saying….

      1. …Do not tell me, or them, that they are “privileged.” Yes, it is better to be poor and white than poor and black, and better to be a poor white man than a poor white woman, but people who are in pain do not react well to some smug, upper-middle-class jerk telling them they are privileged when their lives are clearly terrible…

        1. Yes, it is better to be poor and white than poor and black, and better to be a poor white man than a poor white woman

          Citation needed. There are far more programs, set-asides, affirmative action, etc. for government-designated “victim groups” than for white males.

          1. I mean, this is the kind of bullshit that is making Trump’s supporters angry in the first place.

          2. It took me 9 months to find a job. I can’t tell you how many jobs said something like “Disabled, minorities, and women are encourage to apply.” Why am I, as an abled bodied white guy discouraged from applying for a job?

            Oh yeah, I am an evil white male who when at the interview for a job when asked, “why do you deserve this job.” I look at them strangley,drop my pants, show them my balls,’I envoke my white privelage you stupid fuck,’

            1. “It took me 9 months to find a job. I can’t tell you how many jobs said something like “Disabled, minorities, and women are encourage to apply.” Why am I, as an abled bodied white guy discouraged from applying for a job?”

              On the subject of government’s stupid efforts to appear non-racist…

              I recently got a job at a state prison, and part of my job is ordering office supplies for my department. Some bureaucrat has apparently decided that the prison should only buy supplies through some “diversity network” that provides minority-owned businesses with contracts like this. The result is that everything is horrendously expensive. A mini-fridge for the employee break area was $400. Every other supply that we purchase is way more expensive than it would be off the shelf at Staples or Wal-Mart.

              It shouldn’t be any surprise that with a system like that, the owners of these lucky businesses just think to themselves, “Hell, why not charge as much as we want? They’d never dare to get rid of the ‘help minority businesses’ program in a million years!” And I’m not saying that minority business owners are particularly greedy or scammy; I’m saying that they’re like every other human being in that they will probably do what’s best for them financially.

        2. “Yes, it is better to be poor and white than poor and black, and better to be a poor white man than a poor white woman”

          Why is it better to be a poor man than a poor woman given how many poor men are in jail/are unemployed/are addicted to drugs/commit suicide?

          I’ll agree that I’d rather by a poor white guy in the rural south than a poor black guy in Detroit (at the very least a poor white guy in Appalachia is less likely to be arrested), but the idea that poor men inherently have it better than poor women is a joke.

          1. Plus, aren’t the people in the US with the lowest life expectancy poor men? Poor Native American men and poor black men are the two groups that die earliest, but apparently they’re still privileged…somehow.

            1. Men in general have a lower life expectancy than women. And also make up something in excess of 90% of workplace fatalities. More “privilege” I guess.

              1. African American men only have a 72 year life expectancy.

                In DC their life expectancy is *66.* That’s like a third world country. African American women in DC live a full 10 years longer because way fewer of them get murdered, but the black men are apparently still more privileged than they are.

                1. Inner-city ghettoes are litlle better health and crime-wise than third world countries. Gosh, what a surprise. Better elect more progressives to fix that shit.

          2. Are you forgetting menstruation?

    2. The best way to get a woman is to already have one.

      1. *taps nose*

        Better pussy by way of incrementalism.

        1. The best way to have a woman is in a pit in your basement.

          1. *Ponders basement construction for house sitting on solid granite bedrock.*

            Is there a plan B?

    3. Shorter version: “Men will be nice when nice guys get laid,”

    4. “Vichy Male”

      ^^ This is the most retarded thing I’ve ever seen.

      1. I thought it was kind of funny, in a stupid sort of way.

        1. Retards can be funny.

          Patton Oswalt is often entertaining.

          1. Patton is not retarded. He has Down Syndrome.

    5. Self proclaimed “nice guys” usually are

    6. So, for these guys, the story is that women sleep with alphas but settle down with betas.

      What’s the problem, then? The betas sound like a necessary part of the chain, and they get the girl eventually. If they all turned to alphas, then both men and women would be alone and unhappy once they reach 35.

      1. Implicit in the complaint is that the betas don’t get the girls until they are “used up.”

        1. COCK CAROUSEL!!!

      2. Its 80/20 biology, baby. Eighty percent of the females compete for the “top 20” percent of males. Biological imperative to produce viable offspring. Conceding that we exist in a state of awareness about impulse, maybe this is no longer the case.

        But millenia of pre verbal selective breeding definitely shows that men who seek to separate themselves from other men are more attractive to females, as they should be in my view. The great apes with almost no exception form harems around the dominant males.

        There is nothing fair about arousal, ask a feminist.

    7. “in the end women really want Nice men”

      If she’s giving you the end, it’s just good manners to be polite about it.

  22. Sailer’s Law: literary edition
    Sailer’s Law of Female Journalism: The most heartfelt articles by female journalists tend to be demands that social values be overturned in order that, Come the Revolution, the journalist herself will be considered hotter-looking…

    …It’s not about being too big to dream, it’s about being too fat to do anything active. Unless a writer is sufficiently inventive to come up with a plot that concerns saving the planet through the heroic act of finishing off four large bags of Doritos at a sitting, how exactly are these fat girls going to actually do anything?

    Anyhow, it’s a little ironic, given that there are not exactly a dearth of fat women writing SFF YA, as this portrait of 2014 Nebula winners demonstrates. Forget saving planets, that pair of superchubs look like they could devour planets.

    1. That could be one of two laws of LGBT journalism. The other would be that, no matter what the facts are, lesbians can do no wrong, and gay men can do no right.

    2. Oh my god dude. I’m sorry all those women keep turning you down, even after you spent all that money on fedoras, but you have to stop with the MRA shit.

      1. I never know whether to ignore it or mock it. He must enjoy when it is mocked, though, otherwise why would he keep posting it? I blame his yin-yang necklace.

      2. Fedora?! SHIT!

        *throws away Homburg*

        1. Just don’t wear a goddam trilby!

          1. Is my boater in style, out of style, or cutting edge? What about the red-and-white striped vest and the sleeve garters?

            1. As long as you can sing in 4-part harmony, you’ll always be in style.

            2. Seersucker suit?

              1. *old joke*

                My wife is absent minded.

                Asked her to pick me up a seersucker suit from Cook Bros Clothiers.

                Get home to find this pink thing with frills and lace on it.

                Damn absent minded woman went to Sears.

      3. I think this MRA stuff is quite uneccessary. Suggesting that men aren’t aware of stigma surrounding female abuse on males, male suicide, male workplace death etc., to me, stinks of agency robbing that is the same as employed by feminists. The view I take is the individual is solely responsible for their actions; bad foresight is a failure of the individual.

        Going into a shitty neighborhood? Be confident in your potential self defense, or be comfortable with the idea that people that stand to lose very little will be interacting with you. I fail to see why inverting the complaints of feminism with “nuh uh, men have it worse” is the better result.

    3. “Come the Revolution”

      #stoptheeuphemisms!

    4. The most heartfelt articles by female journalists tend to be demands that social values be overturned in order that, Come the Revolution, the journalist herself will be considered hotter-looking.

      Yeah, it’s wrong when they do it!

    5. Call Caltech and tell them to get LIGO ready.

  23. Unprecedented Spike in CO2 Levels in 2015

    The annual growth rate of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere rose more in 2015 than scientists have ever seen in a single year, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced Thursday.

    It was the fourth year in a row that carbon dioxide concentrations grew by more than 2 parts per million, with an annual growth rate of 3.05 parts per million in 2015. ?The spike comes in the same year that Earth reached an ominous global warming milestone — scientists last year measured the highest atmospheric concentrations of carbon dioxide ever recorded.

    Carbon dioxide emissions from people burning fossil fuels are the driving force behind climate change and have risen to greater than 400 ppm ? more than 120 ppm above pre-industrial levels. Earth has warmed more than 1.6?F over that period.

    1. And in Europe they are burning wood pellets for power be cause it’s ‘green’. I guess my wood stove is ‘saving the planet’.

      1. If they’re using green wood they’re doing it wrong.

        1. These euphemisms… aw, forget it.

    2. Carbon dioxide emissions from people burning fossil fuels are the driving force behind climate change and have risen to greater than 400 ppm ? more than 120 ppm above pre-industrial levels.

      If we are to believe proxy measurements, then CO2 has been far higher in the past over geologic time. Also stealing a base by assuming “Carbon dioxide emissions from people burning fossil fuels are the driving force behind climate change” in spite of the fact that all of the models based on that hypothesis have failed, which in scientific terms means the hypothesis has been falsified.

      1. If we are to believe proxy measurements, then CO2 has been far higher in the past over geologic time.

        I take the view that we should be thankful for the man produced CO2. Volcanism has slowed in the past few hundred millions years, as the Earth has cooled, meaning less CO2 has entered the atmosphere. The plants were on a course to slow asphyxiating death and a tremendous diminishment of our biosphere would follow. Humans saved life on Earth for the next few millions years or so by releasing all that locked up carbon that plants had evolved to consume in much higher parts per million than they had been getting.

        1. We need to preserve our precious CO2 resource.

    3. The annual growth rate of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere rose more in 2015 than scientists have ever seen in a single year,

      Since this won’t correlate to actual increased anthro CO2 emissions, it raises the question of where it came from, and how much CO2 in the atmosphere is actually due to fossil fuel use, doesn’t it?

  24. Hillary’s Israel-Hating Secret Advisor Comes Out Swinging
    Max Blumenthal demands a retraction but deserves nothing

    Max Blumenthal, who was revealed by the Hillary Clinton forced email dump as one of her secret sources and advisers on Israel and Middle East affairs, is one of the great Israel haters in America today.

    A writer should avoid hyperbole. But when it comes to Max Blumenthal, son of longtime Clinton aide Sidney Blumenthal, it’s hard to avoid superlatives. Max is quite simply one of the most biased, anti-Semitic, terrorist-defending, Israel-has-no-right-to-exist haters out there.

    Max, who spends most of his professional life being ignored because of his extreme, hate-filled drivel, recently became the focus of scrutiny when it was revealed that his father, Sid Blumenthal, promoted Max’s anti-Semitic writings to Ms. Clinton when she was Secretary of State of the United States. More explosive are Ms. Clinton’s emails praising Max’s work.

    You know who else was accused of being anti-Semitic…

    1. This would matter only if Mr. Blumenthal was a friend of Trump or Cruz or Paul.

    2. She’s evil.

      Pure maniacal evil.

    3. Rob Roy?

    4. Irish?

    5. ” Max is quite simply one of the most biased, anti-Semitic, terrorist-defending, Israel-has-no-right-to-exist haters out there.”

      Isn’t Max a Jew? I don’t disagree with every other criticism, but I find it hard to believe Max Blumenthal is anti-Semitic.

      Blumenthal is scum, but I don’t like the tendency to accuse anyone who doesn’t like Israel of anti-Semitism.

      1. Yeh. People who ‘don’t like’ Israel are just dumbasses.

      2. There is quite a contingent of Jew hating Jews. Marx (the Communist) for one.

    6. Other Semites?

    1. ‘ If you don’t want to kill people why do you own guns?’

    2. “Pro pacem, para bellum”. I think I got that right.

      Of course, that often doesn’t work in practice.

      1. Si vis pacem, para bellum ?

  25. Luckily this is not terrorism, it is just vibrant migrants enriching boring Amsterdam

    “”””In Amsterdam a severed head was found laying in the open street. It is just the latest gruesome murder in what is being called the “MOCRO War” involving North African migrants from Morocco.”””

    http://www.breitbart.com/londo…..am-street/

    1. I’m sure the victim was comforted by the fact that he was more likely to have been killed by a lightning bolt.

      1. It doesn’t sound like it was an innocent victim, but a gang member. So his odds of being killed were probably pretty high.

      2. Breitbart seems to be deliberately conflating gang violence among Moroccan immigrants who have been in Amsterdam for a long time, just like Mexican and Central American gangs here, with violence done by recent migrants from the middle east.

        1. Neither the recent Morocan immigrants nor less recent Moroccan immigrants seem particularly well suited to living in the Netherlands. Their backwards, insular self-segregating culture is inferior to the host culture, by a wide margin.

          1. Fine. It just doesn’t look like this particular incident has much to do with that, though. This is violent gangs killing each other, presumably something to do with drug trafficking. Which is a problem that occurs in all cultures and countries. My complaint is with the Breitbart authors trying to make it seem like another problem associated with recent migrants.

            1. I agree it does look like ‘normal’ gang violence that could just as easily be committed by Russian mobsters or Greek mafia et cetera. All I’m saying here, is that the difference between immigrants recently arrived, and ones slightly further back in time is not so great. Even a 2nd or 3rd generation descendants, when properly entrenched in that culture, are often just as backwards (if not more so) and part of the same social problem.

        2. Of course, gang violence by immigrants is never a good thing, and is supposedly one of the very few things that even “open borders” types think we should try to stop at the border, so it still strikes me as a reason to slow down immigration from backwards crapholes, wherever they are located.

          1. Yes, of course it’s a problem. But a separate problem from the ongoing migrant crisis. The article dishonestly presented it as if it had something to do with the recent influx of migrants from completely the other end of the Mediterranean. That’s all I’m saying.

    2. Just good old, wholesome, gang warfare.

      1. Oh, that’s okay then. Carry on!

      2. Well, we couldn’t afford a soccer ball.

  26. Obama Claims the Presidency Is Not a Reality Show

    President Obama said in February during a press conference in California that he doesn’t believe Donald Trump will be president. Obama also said that the office of the presidency is more than just a reality show and marketing.

    “I continue to believe Mr. Trump will not be president,” Obama said. “It’s not hosting a talk show, or a reality show. It’s not promotion, it’s not marketing.”

    1. “Now, back to my campaigning.”

    2. It is all in his imagination.

    3. -1 Settle it Over a Beer

    4. “He said while filling out his NCAA tournament bracket on his way back from SXSW, where he negotiated another visit to Zack Galifianakis’ web show.”

      1. +2 ferns

      2. 1st sitting US President to ever fill out a NCAA Women’s Basketball Bracket!

        1. Women have a basketball tournament?

          1. Mostly. I think UConn’s team is men wearing wigs.

            1. Sooooo not nappy headed hoes then?

        2. 1st last and only

    5. This coming from Captain Pop Culture Talk Show Circuit Guy.

    6. LOL sounds like a real cuck to me, brah!

      http://www.pleasehelplongtorsogetlaid.tk

      1. -1 not a real link.

    7. No, the presidency is just community organizing on a grand scale. That’s why he’s so good at it.

    8. It is exactly like a reality show in that it sucks and I don’t want to see it.

    9. He’s just jealous that any of the Kardashians would have better ratings as president

  27. N.J. mall Easter bunny involved in brawl with customers

    Easter may be just a week away, but the holiday spirit came to a halt today after a mall bunny found himself tangled up in a brawl.

    In a video posted on Twitter this evening from Newport Mall in Jersey City, an Easter bunny can be seen exchanging punches with customers waiting online to have photos taken.

    At the beginning of the video, the bunny — without his floppy ears — is seen being separated from a man wearing a brown shirt.

    But just seconds after they are taken away from one another, the bunny throws his gloves off and approaches the mall goer again.

    Video may autostart, or not… my scriptblocker is on so I don’t know

    1. You know who else wore a brown shirt….

      1. Jose “Dirty” Sanchez?

      2. UPS delivery guys?

  28. Lindsey Graham wants John Kasich to drop out so that Ted Cruz can beat Trump.

    Something something juvenile joke about how Graham is a closeted homosexual something something…

    1. That is worse than having to carry around a mattress all the time.

  29. Two comets will pass by Earth, one today and one tomorrow.

    If only there were three and if only they could hit Trump, Shrillary, and Berntard…

    1. Can we revive Marshall Applewhite and get him to convince those 3 (and Cruz too, just because) to join his resurrected Heaven’s Gate cult?

      1. Or get zombie Jim Jones to offer them some nice, refreshing Cool-Aid.

  30. It’s Not Sexist To Notice Hillary Clinton’s Weaknesses

    Just listen from 2:00 to 2:30 and you’ll get a taste of it. It’s certainly not Geneva code torture, but it’s not enjoyable. As the speech continues, she shouts more, and her voice gets scratchier with odd instances of anger. By 6:30, her voice is seriously deteriorating. Trying to shout over her joyful supporters, she makes it worse. Before and after minute 11:00, as she begins shouting again, the midwestern accent and vocal chord damage are noticeable. The end, around 13:30, is borderline excruciating.

    Like many other people, Hillary’s voice becomes less engaging the louder she speaks. And for some reason she frequently gets angry when giving victory speeches. Even Donald “I Insult Like An Emotionally Scarred 3rd Grader Who Misses His Mommy” Trump usually, if not always, switches to “somewhat decent” during his victory speeches.

    1. She is the worst major Presidential candidate in my lifetime. She transitions from bossy to angry scold and back again in every speech – while screeching vague platitudes. I seriously don’t know how people there can stand it – like nails on a chalkboard. I don’t think I could listen to it even if I agreed with her on anything.

      1. Most of her supporters have probably never heard her speak. So much of our news is written, that it isn’t unusual to just read summaries of politicians speeches instead of listening for the hour or more it takes them to give them.

        1. I think you credit Democrats with too much enthusiasm for reading.

          1. Someone in a news department scans the speech for highlights, which are then synopsized into a 30 second sound bite.

            Then someone writing for the Daily Show or Colbert bastardizes these soundbites into a smarmy joke with the punchline ‘republicans be so *fill in the blank*’.

            Democrats receive their social signaling and policy is set.

            1. DISCLAIMER: I fully support producers’ rights to make whatever kinds of shows they want and the rights of viewers to watch whatever shows they want, even if I disagree with them and/or believe that they are harmful.

              With that said, it’s worrying to me how The Daily Show and the Colbert Report have made hating non-Democrats into a recreational activity. People aren’t going to examine other viewpoints when those viewpoints are the butt of every joke that they’re being fed every night on TV.

    2. +1 screeching harpy.

    3. I’m willing to accept that women are often judged by different standards than men* but I don’t think that’s the issue with Hillary. She’s just straight-up unlikeable. She’s fake, she obviously hates having to explain herself to us common folk, and she’s corrupt as fuck. That’s the issue. To paraphrase one of her husband’s advisors, “It’s the candidate, stupid.”

      *People making this argument usually fail to consider ways that men are judged in ways women aren’t; e.g., women claim they can’t be too aggressive, lest they be labeled “bitchy,” but men have the reverse problem, can’t be too soft-spoken, lest they be considered weak, etc.

  31. http://seekingalpha.com/articl…..cage?ifp=0

    Lost decade cometh?

    1. Yes. The Fed has pulled out all of the stops trying to prevent the liquidation of bad debt (I’m looking at you Wall Street) and the reallocation of capital. They managed to stymie it, but it’s still there and it will be satisfied or else.

  32. So in the comments of the Gawker post from Friday, people asked why hasn’t Reason covered Mann v. Steyn now in its 4th year sludging through the DC Court System?

    Are Reason staffers avoiding the issue because Steyn holds Un-PC views on immigration and muslims?

    Is it because Steyn doesn’t accept that ACGW is going destroy the civilized world?

    Are they just afraid of getting dis-invited to all those K Street cocktail parties?

    It seems like this would be right up the alley for Bailey (Climate Change), Root (1st Amendment), Nick (Free Expression) or Sullum (SLAPP laws).

    1. Is “REASON WON’T COVER THIS BECAUSE COSMOTARIAN” part of the drinking game? If so, I need to toughen up my liver.

      1. Oh my goodness, yes it is.

        1. Also take a drink when someone responds to a Tulpa sock.

          1. I’m not trying to die of alcohol poisoning here, Sweet’n’Low.

            1. Then go read another site you lazy fuck.

              1. DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE

          2. we are all tulpa and tulpa is us.

            1. *drinks

    2. It sounds like you probably already know this, but the answer is that most of the full time DC-based Reason staffers who provide most of the content are no longer truly libertarians; they’re lefties pretending to be libertarians whose primary goal these days appears to be to redefine libertarianism as liberalism.

      I’m sorry to tell you that there’s simply no place around here for a guy Mark Steyn and his free speech rights.

      1. Nick “happens to believe” in the welfare state. It just happened. He’s a true libertarian but his support for the welfare state isn’t his fault, it just happened. He tripped and fell into that position and it’s been with him ever since.

        1. We are going to have to wean ourselves off of it. And that ought to be thought out. And sold. It may take a while. But I can’t see believing in it.

        2. Nick “happens to believe” in the welfare state.

          Did he say that?

          1. He did. He preferred to use one of the popular euphemisms for it.

            I happen to believe in a state-assisted safety net – which is precisely why Medicaid is so outrageous. It’s a huge waste of money that chronically under-delivers. To pretend otherwise is wilful blindness.

            He never seems to bring it up except when necessary to get some statist cred when railing against (the present configuration of) Medicare and so on.

            1. A real safety net (as in, you get help if you would otherwise die, but otherwise you are on your own) seems like a decent compromise position for libertarians. But “believing in” it is a bit much. You got to at least push for a voluntary, privately provisioned safety net.

              1. I think charity can achieve that, and achieve it easier without a welfare agency to distort the “market for charity” and compete with it. It really comes down to whether or not it’s just to expropriate someone’s wealth, or not. No rational person would consider it justice that I mug, kidnap and possibly kill random people at gunpoint as long as I give the proceeds to fly covered orphans.

  33. Funeral drama ? Women take off panties, throw them in grave

    A Gweru socialite who passed away two weeks ago received a playboy’s funeral as women threw their undergarments into his six-feet grave to accompany him to his last resting place.

    Best comment: “Moses Makwanise ? 2 days ago
    its now between him and God those panties will no longer help him.if he did not receive christ his soul will perish”

  34. Anyone else have a good laugh at the “Trump rally assault”? An idiot ran around in a KKK hood and got beat up by an angry black guy. And the media is shocked at the violence of Donald Trump.

    1. These protestors are merely servicing the narrative. Please do not try to disrupt that with your “details.”

    2. He’s inciting violence against people who are inciting violence!

      “He just said Violence while Violence was turning Violence.”

      “Don’t be confused by angry black Trump supporters, we vow to get to the bottom of the issue, said Black Lives Matter.”

  35. First, Erin Andrews gets $55M and now Hulk Hogan gets $115M. Anybody want to [cough] secretly [cough] film me, and then split the winnings later?

        1. Thanks. I’ll stop looking for the hidden camera.

    1. This is proof of the gender wage gap!

      Oppression inherent in the system!

  36. So FOX did a Tyler Perry production of The Passion last night, and it was the greatest thing ever

    Some highlights:

    9:31 p.m. ET: Pontius Pilate shrugged, renouncing culpability for Jesus’ condemnation, and then the two of them totally bodied their duet of Tina Turner’s “We Don’t Need Another Hero (Thunderdome).”

    9:13 p.m. ET: Peter ? who was told he would deny knowing Jesus three different times following the leader’s arrest ? ran around the city, paranoid and terrified that everyone blamed him for what happened to the Messiah. To prove how emotional the situation was making him, he sang “The Reason” by Hoobastank. He only stopped singing long enough to, well, deny knowing Jesus to three different people who asked.

    9:02 p.m. ET: Shots of Jesus praying under the bridge flickered in and out. During one of those scenes, the cops rolled up, Judas in tow. Judas leaned in and kissed Jesus on the cheek. Then they broke out into a duet of “Demons” by Imagine Dragons. Bonus points to Judas for slyly nailing the “I am hell-bound” line, since, you know, betraying the Son of God is definitely one way to make that statement true.

    1. I guess you had to be there?

    2. At first I thought this was a joke, but I guess someone decided Godspell was dated and totally ripe for a remake.

    3. I’m disappointed they didn’t go with Steve Harvey

      1. Who would have announced that Judas had risen from the dead and ascended into Heaven?

    4. Jesus and Barabbas! Two men enter, one man leaves!

      1. Wewease Wodewick!

    1. I can see that being used to make fake interview footage with candidates where they appear to say really incriminating things.

    2. I can see that being used to make fake interview footage with candidates where they appear to say really incriminating things.

  37. “BART’s problems dragging into another workweek”
    […]
    “Commuters should expect no relief Monday from the delays, crowded trains and service disruptions that plagued BART much of last week, transit authorities said Sunday, even as crews continued to investigate the mysterious mechanical problems causing the chaos.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/…..925027.php

    Seems the cars use a custom thyristor, which is subject to failure from voltage spikes. And BART chose to keep very few as spares, so the cars (and passengers) are going to wait for an August delivery.
    No one in the local news has bothered to point out that BART is run in the same way as the planned management of moonbeam’s choo-choo; a manner that would get quite a few people fired if, for instance, even United had to ground planes since they didn’t warehouse some critical parts.

    1. My Californian-dwelling prog friends are saying this is the result of BART not getting enough money.

    2. There are transient voltage suppressors that could solve the problem. If someone would pay for the engineering and installation.

      1. There are also transient rated thyristors that turn on during overvoltage that in effect short out surges.

        1. There are also a lot of transients peeing on those thyristors and/or stealing them.

          1. Stealing them while energized would be Darwinian.

    3. Speaking of which, I’m having my kids watch James Burke’s Connections videos. The first episode is about the 1965 NY blackout and technology dependency. Great series.

    1. Fucking racists.

      After 3 years with an apparently loving family, I don’t know how anyone can argue that removing her is in her best interest.

      1. 1) It’s a foster family, not an adoptive family. Foster families, by their nature, only keep children temporarily. If they wanted a permanent child, they should have adopted.

        2) It’s only been three years because the foster family have been contesting custody from the girl’s actual relatives for three years.

        1. They want to adopt the child and the Indian racism law is stopping them.

          Even if you think this law was needed to prevent the removal of Indian children from their ‘natural’ culture, which is dubious at best. How is applying it to someone with only 1 out of 64 great-great-great grand parents not flat out racism?

          1. No, it’s the kid’s actual family stopping them (“They then began a legal battle to keep her after learning she would be sent to live with extended relatives in Utah”). If Child Services takes your kid and ties you up in court for three years, do they get to go “well, they’ve been with the foster family too long now, sucks to be you!” at the end?

            1. The family is registered with the Choctaw tribe and the racist law is the only reason she is being sent there. How ‘extended do you suppose the family is, as she is 1/64th Choctaw. Note – it is not because the courts have deter ermines that doing so is in the child’s best interest, but rather that federal law priorities tribal integrity over he interest.

              1. The law is wrong, but even without the law, this is the right outcome. The Pages were hired by the state to temporarily take care of a child while the courts decided who the child’s actual guardian (surprise, surprise, the court decided it should be the girl’s relatives). When the time came a year later to return the child, as they were explicitly hired and paid by the taxpayers to do, the Pages decided to break the agreement and try to keep the child.

                They created this tragedy because they put their own feels above the best interests of the girl (to be returned to her family as quickly as possible) and delayed this for three years.

              2. So if the state decides I’d be a better parent for your children then you, they’re free to take them and give them to me? What? They should stay with your family? That is so racist of you!

              3. the courts have deter ermines

                Dammit, I want to see a video of a deter ermine RIGHT NOW!

                  1. Man, that little weasel is just having the best time.

              4. It’s hard to deter ermines.

            2. do they get to go “well, they’ve been with the foster family too long now, sucks to be you!” at the end?

              Maybe they should ask the kid. Children are actual people, not livestock.

              1. That might work now, but when the original decision was made, the kid was three.

          2. “Even if you think this law was needed to prevent the removal of Indian children from their ‘natural’ culture”

            Which is in itself racist since it’s based on the idea that there is a ‘natural culture’ based on what race you belong to.

            I’m a total mongrel from all over Europe and the culture I belong to in America has no resemblance to any of the countries that I came from. Does that mean I’ve ‘lost my culture?’ No – it means I’ve adopted a new one because culture and race aren’t the same thing.

            1. I agree, that’s why I said it was dubious. But to send you back to Denmark or Senegal because one of 64 great-great-great grand parents were from there is especially egregious.

            2. I wouldn’t say “no resemblance”. It might have no resemblance to China, or Thailand. But American society is nothing if not the bastard mongrel child of Europe.

    2. You know who else believed in the “one drop” rule?

      1. Maxwell House?

      2. Robert Byrd?

      3. Kinetic Harpoon advocates?

      4. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin?

      5. The diabeetus guy?

      6. Tyler Durden?

        1. Democrat Senator Robert Byrd ?

    3. The foster family should do a genetic test. At the distance this child is from indian, there’s a good chance the foster family is more closely related.

  38. I’m a total mongrel from all over Europe and the culture I belong to in America has no resemblance to any of the countries that I came from. Does that mean I’ve ‘lost my culture?’ No – it means I’ve adopted a new one because culture and race aren’t the same thing.

    Your cultural appropriations have been noted.

    1. You have a micro chip on your shoulder?

    2. “Here at CultureMart, we pride ourselves on availability, customizability, and quality of indigenous and exogenous cultures, all at a low low price. Impress your friends, fluster your enemies, woo your crush, all with a certified guilt free guarantee.

      Not all cultures guaranteed in vogue. Some cultures prone to sudden inversions. No longer accepting Semitism at most Universities. Please contact your local White Guilt representative for more information.”

  39. Arnold Palmer?

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