Reason Weekly Contest: Harry Potter Appropriates All the Cultures

Last week's winners revealed.

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Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's prompt is:

Recently, a 4-year-old was recommended for a counter-terrorism program after he mispronounced "cucumber" and "cooker bomb." Come up with the next goofed up word or phrase that might get a kid reported to the authorities.

How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to [e-mail]. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "KID WORD" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, March 21. Winners will appear on March 25. In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!

And now for the results of last week's contest: After an academic accused J.K. Rowling of "culturally appropriating" Native American myths, we asked you to come up with the name of the next truly offensive Harry Potter sequel or spin-off.

THE WINNER:

Harry Potter and the Tepee of Tears -- Joshua Cleveland, Baltimore, MD

SECOND PLACE:

Harry Potter and the College Tequila Party -- Jason Bedrick, Washington, DC

THIRD PLACE:

Harry Potter and the Enviable Wand -- -- K.C. Decker, Denton, MD

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Harry Potter and the Chamber of LGBT Secrets -- Ed Perovic, Winnetka, IL

Harry Potter and the Blanket of Smallpox -- Robert Brown, Micanopy, FF

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Microaggressions -- CG

Harry Potter & The Consensual Sexual Encounter -- Brent Ingebretsen, Richmond, VA

Harry Potter and the Firebolt Phallusy -- Tim Whalen - Manassas, VA

It Takes a Horcrux -- Colin Blake, Boston, MA

Muggle Lives Matter -- Robert Ryan,  Dallas City, IL

Harry Potter and the Retroactive Sexual Orientation -- Jay Stenmark, Madison, AL

Harry Potter and the Voodoo Curse -- Sam Miller, St. Paul, MN

Hagrid and His Unhealthy Obesity

Harry Potter and Concerned Hogwarts Student 1950 -- Charlie Baker, Somerville, MA

Harry Potter and the Trail of Tears -- Aresen

Harry Potter and the Magical Chicken of General Tso -- Theresa Klein, Leesburg, VA

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Guantanamo -- Vivian James, Germany, Cologne

Harry Potter and the Heap Big Wampum -- P.S.

AND FROM THE COMMENTS:

Harry Potter and the Unchecked Privilege

Harry Potter and the Quidditch Participation Trophy

Harry Potter and the Pipe of Peace

Harry Potter and The Religious Bakery

Harry Potter and the Pound of Flesh

Harry Potter and the Gate of Gamers

Harry Potter and the Myth of a Holocaust

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Sensitivity Camp

Harry Potter and the Mixed-Race Token Middle-Manager

Hxxxy Pottsperson

Granger Gets a Gun: When Magic Is Not Enough

Harry Potter and the Aztec Sacrifice

Harry Potter and the Case for Common Sense Wand Control

Harry Potter and the Gendered Bathroom

Harry Potter and the Great Wall of Mexico

Comments

[John]

I am pretty sure this movie

Harry Potter and the Chamber of LGBT Secrets -- Ed Perovic, Winnetka, IL

and this one

Harry Potter & The Consensual Sexual Encounter -- Brent Ingebretsen, Richmond, VA

are the same film. NTTAWWT

[Fist of Etiquette]

Boy says "Pokemon" and the teacher hears "Pop Tart gun".

[Fist of Etiquette]

Girl says "Barbie doll" but teacher hears "barbiturate".

[commodious spittoon]

Girl says "Barbie doll", teacher hears "patriarchal gender-conformity training tool."

[Mr. Flanders]

I Lol'd at this. Good one

[Swiss Servator]

Kid say he had "a Sierra Mist" and is reported for being "A Terrorist".

[Fist of Etiquette]

Child says "Admiral Ackbar" but the teacher hears- well, you know.

[Swiss Servator]

"Its a Trap?"

[oncefallendotcom]

Mid south wrestling manager Skandor Akbar?

[prolefeed]

Kid looks at office door:

Psycho ... The ... Rapist

[Swiss Servator]

Anal Bum Cover for $400, Alex

[HazelMeade]

Boy says he stopped to eat in Regina, accidentally utters "Eat her Vagina"

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

Meh I liked mine, "Harry Potter and the Voodoo Curse" because don't you see?!

It doesn't need to be over the top to set these people off -- a lot of the response listed are too on the nose. "The Voodoo Curse" is so simple and benign just like the original story about Native Americans in the Harry Potter universe. Logically it follows that if there wasn't such social media outrage J.K. Rowling would have kept going (Harry Potter fans are worldwide). She would eventually get to Africa and be like, "Ok what is magic like in Africa in my HP universe?" Being the cultural appropriator she is she would have definitely just gone with some stereotypical shit like "voodoo" cause when white people think about African magicks without critical analysis they are usually just going to make the same one-step conclusions, just like she did with Native Americans:

"Ok so, Injuins, they live outdoors, check, they wear animal skins obviously, check, so definitely it's gotta be about plant and animal magic and I saw something about 'skin walkers' on an internet search..."

It's so naive and innocent really, and she'd have done the same thing for Africa; "Hmm, African magic.. Voodoo! Of course! J.K. you are a genius."

[Zeb]

Voodoo is from Haiti.

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

You have revealed my ignorance, good sir. It is indeed vast and shameful.

[WTF]

Little boy stuggles to say "figure" teacher hears "ni...." um, oops, "trigger!"

[WTF]

Little boy says "I like the truck!" Teaher hears "I like to fuck!"

[Brett L]

That explains all the racishing of 13 year old boys by teachers.

[Brett L]

Ravishing, not racisting

[lap83]

That's how my sister said truck when she was 2 and my brother and I didn't exactly discourage her

[prolefeed]

Sexually precocious British pre-teen in a TSA line, bragging about her firm buttocks:

"I have a time bomb" ("tight bum")

[Brett L]

Go on...

/Rotherhamptonites

[prolefeed]

Then her British boyfriend threatens to poison passengers with arsenic:

"Yeah, nice arse, innit!"

[prolefeed]

Then something involving a-lu-min-i-um and lorries, but fuck if I have anything there.

[Playa Manhattan.]

We seem to have a lot of people in the beltway.

You guys are destroying the system from the inside, right? RIGHT?

[John]

They system is doing a pretty good job of that itself. Our trying to help is likely to just hinder things.

[Scalro Humillimus]

As best as we can. Unfortunately the network is so slow it might take another 50 years.

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

Little boy says "daddy bought me a toy gun"

teacher hears "daddy bought me a toy gun"

Dispatch says "a patrol will be there in five"

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Kid says "Maybe President Obama should try to work with congress?"

Huffington Post reports him as saying "I'm a racist terrorist with a wood-chipper in my pocket! Allu AKBAR!"

[Roger the Shrubber]

Kid says 'diaper bomb' because that is a joke around the house. Entire family is blacksited.

[DenverJ]

That's a dirty bomb

[Roger the Shrubber]

Eighth grader says, 'Yesterday, my mom wasn't home for five minutes when I came home from school. I had to get my own cheese-its'

[Roger the Shrubber]

'Sometimes I shoot hoops in the driveway by myself'

[Roger the Shrubber]

'On Saturday, I shot a .22 at the range with my dad! Look at this spent cartridge.'

[Roger the Shrubber]

'I brought enough peanuts to share.'

[Notorious UGCC]

That will do it.

[Princess Trigger]

Kid says "Kill Whitey."
Teacher hears "Check your privilege, White Devil."

[lap83]

Nice

[Glide]

Child playing with Legos:
"Look, I can rip the block man's head right off!"

[Rhywun]

"Cock-hold"

[Jerryskids]

OMWC got raided for drugs once when a little girl with a lisp reported to the cops the back of his van contained a mess o' pedo things.

[Mongo]

Man: "Surely you jest."

Busty Shirley : "You want to do what on my chest?"

[Notorious UGCC]

"Common Core Sucks"

"Down with Big Brother"

"This pudding is so tasty, I didn't even eat my meat first."

[Loki]

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!

[Notorious UGCC]

"When I grow up I'll move out of this city so I won't have to pay your inflated retirement benefits."

[W. Chipper Dove]

The kid says 'please pass the blue crayon' but the teacher hears 'Die imperialist dog!!!'

[oncefallendotcom]

Just waiting for some kid to get suspended for his book report on singer glad ass knight and her pimps.

[oncefallendotcom]

Or worse a joke about Joey buttafuck-o.