TSA

TSA Says These Shoes Are Made for Blocking

A traveler is forced to abandon "gun-themed" footwear and bracelets.

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TSA

TSA screeners at the Baltimore/Washington International Airport forced a traveler to abandon her "gun-themed" shoes and bracelets last Saturday. The woman, who had the items in a carry-on bag, was told she could take them only if she put them in her checked luggage. She discarded them rather than miss her flight.

There is no question this was an embarrassing incident, but exactly who should be embarrassed is a matter of dispute. TSA spokeswoman Lisa Farbstein, who called attention to the de facto confiscation on Twitter, clearly thinks it shows the agency's employees are on the ball, keen to enforce its ban on "realistic replicas of firearms" in carry-on bags. "Friendly reminder from @TSA: Realistic replica firearms and ammunition are not permitted past TSA checkpoints," Farbstein tweeted.

These shoes and bracelets hardly seem to qualify as realistic replicas, assuming the rationale for the ban is preventing hijackers from using fake guns to take control of an airplane. But according to the TSA's blog, the problem is that items resembling weapons "can cause significant delays" because TSA experts "must respond to resolve the alarm." In other words, the TSA wastes time on nonsense because otherwise it would end up wasting time on nonsense. 

TSA screeners do occasionally come across actual firearms—an average of seven a day last year, up from two a day in 2005. Yet last year CNN reported that "airport screeners failed to detect explosives and weapons in nearly every test that an undercover team conducted at dozens of airports." They missed the test items 95 percent of the time.

But at least travelers are occasionally punished for questionable fashion choices. Farbstein described the footwear and jewelry discovered at BWI on Saturday as "shoes and bracelets that are less than ideal to wear or bring to a @TSA checkpoint." She added that "these delayed a traveler at BWI." Actually, I think the TSA did that.

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    1. You know, because a stiletto is a kind of dagger.

      1. And chicks look hot with them.

  1. More magical, talismanic thinking. The mere image or representation of a weapon is now presumed to be dangerous. Because, MAGIC!

    1. I wonder if I draw a picture of a gun and staple it to my luggage if they will confiscate it.

      1. I bet they would.

      2. Considering they’ve confiscated tiny GI Joe and Lego toy weapons, I wouldn’t be surprised.

        Maybe what someone should do is try going through the line while eating a Pop Tart into the shape of a gun. Really drive home the point that they’re treating adults like children.

  2. “shoes and bracelets that are less than ideal to wear or bring to a @TSA checkpoint”

    I’ll make sure to leave my gun-themed shoes and bracelets at home next time and wear only the “Fuck the TSA” ones. I think those are the ideal ones.

    1. Perfect

      1. Those are great

  3. Wait, this means I can’t bring my gun-shaped dildo? Fuck that.

    1. Depends. Does it fire blanks?

    2. What you did there…

  4. What a clever way to sneak real cartridges aboard!

    *** rolls eyes ***

  5. I can’t be the only one who’s dying to see the hottie who wears accessories like that…..

    1. Google = ‘Biker Granny’

    2. Looks a tad ghetto to me…

    3. If you mean hottie by stressed out, retired skank, then: yes.

  6. How is it possible that any sane person could believe that more government could ever be anything other than a mistake?

    1. They missed the test items 95 percent of the time.

      Clearly we need deeper cavity checks.

  7. An Air Force officer told me she was not allowed to board with winged metal insignia, which the TSA considered weapons.

    She was quite bent out of shape about it.

    1. Why was she flying in uniform? Military personnel are trained to NOT draw attention to themselves in public.

      1. Its a requirement when traveling on business – unless you specifically have authorization not to. And inside the US its hard to get that authorization.

        Technically, even traveling while reporting to a new duty station, you are supposed to go the whole route in uniform – not in civilian clothes and change at your destination before reporting in like most of us do.

  8. Freedom pureed in the blender of public safety. Nothing like a goddamn safety smoothie to make a country all fuckin’ secure.

    1. Hey, AC! Glad to see you back. Was worried you had retired.

  9. It will prevent some of the weaker fellow travelers from having panic attacks. It unfortunately is less about the TSA, and more about the hoplophobe in seat 17C who complained to the stewardess, the captain, the airline, the airport, her congressman, etc.

    Another example; read the Netflix reviews for any movie where a gun is used. We’re screwed.

    1. So, what will we be calling “caulk guns” now?

      I suggest “caulk enema bag simulators”.

      1. Caulk enema bag simulators? Now you’re just trying to create your own “nice album names”.

  10. Serious question: How does the TSA treat “weapon” *tattoos*?

    1. Sandpaper?

    2. I may be giving them too much credit. But I don’t think that a tattoo could be mistaken for an actual gun under any circumstances. I think egould310 above has it right. It’s more about keeping people who are terrified of guns from freaking out than any actual belief that the things pose a danger.

  11. If I point my index finger and extend my thumb upward to form the basic shape of a gun, will the TSA insist they cut my hands off before I can board a flight?

      1. You can take my fingers when you pry them from my hot, smoking gun.

        1. Looks like SOMEBODY’S gonna be missing his flight, then.

  12. When I was deploying they didn’t know how to properly clear a weapon, so I showed them how to do it in the middle of the terminal. The reactions of the onlookers was priceless.

    As I attempted to walk through security (in full uniform) to board my flight to Afghanistan, the young lady stopped me and told me I had to remove my belt, boots, and dog tags. When I asked “why?” she responded “you’ll set off the metal detector” to which I said “uh…so what? I’m going to Afghanistan to fight the people you’re trying to stop.”

    Long story short, I had a loud argument at the airport with the TSA and was forced to undress on my way to Afghanistan rather than miss the flight. Many onlookers, no help. Support our troops my ass.

    Fuck those guys.

    1. “If you’re really going to Afghanistan then surely you’ve heard of insider attacks.”

      Best wishes.

      1. Attractive white males are the biggest threat to everything at the moment, so I’m not surprised.

        1. Attractive white males are the biggest threat to everything at the moment, so I’m not surprised.

          You do not want to tell these people you are an attractive male, Beefcake. The men are rabid, and the men who pretend to be women are even worse. Tread lightly.

          1. Tread lightly.

            I carry a big dick.

          2. Also, cocky.

            The TSA really hate that.

        2. Attractive white males are the biggest threat to everything at the moment, so I’m not surprised.

          Hey!

          1. It’s okay, we’ll get through this together.

    1. You can’t fool me. Those were the first few minutes of a porno.

    2. I guessed that she was after a smoke about 1/3 of the way in.

  13. Tyranny is a metrosexual’s boot stomping on an American face forever.

    Just in case some passerby out there doesn’t get Jacob’s joke:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww

  14. “There is no question this was an embarrassing incident, but exactly who should be embarrassed is a matter of dispute. TSA spokeswoman Lisa Farbstein, who called attention to the de facto confiscation on Twitter, clearly thinks it shows the agency’s employees are on the ball, keen to enforce its ban on “realistic replicas of firearms” in carry-on bags. “Friendly reminder from @TSA: Realistic replica firearms and ammunition are not permitted past TSA checkpoints,” Farbstein tweeted.”

    The TSA has been shown time and again to not be able to stop actual bombs and weapons from making it past security and this imbecile thinks we should be super proud of them for stopping these shoes from making it through.

    1. Also, some real geniuses in the comments on twitter:

      “Latest Fad ?@Hashtag_New_Fad 16h16 hours ago
      @MM11C @TSAmedia_LisaF @TSA & when someone brings on real bullets spray painted silver & not caught, you will be 1st to blame. #Can’tplease”

      1. Someone really likes that jackboot on their neck!

    2. Stupid apparatchik doesn’t even know when she’s making an ass of herself.

      -jcr

  15. I’m making over ?5k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. AR Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. For further details

    Check this link http://www.workprospects.com

    1. “AR”?!

      *** alerts security ***

  16. “…In other words, the TSA wastes time on nonsense because otherwise it would end up wasting time on nonsense….”

    Yep; ‘We’re so incompetent, this sort of stuff fools us!’

  17. I wish they would interview the people who were stuck behind this person. Ask them how much safer they feel now that the TSA has protected them from a dangerous pair of shoes and bracelets. I bet they would gush with gratitude, probably not even bothering to bring up how much they were delayed as the TSA fuck nuts freaked out.

  18. TSA: “Baby, you know i want you to get on that plane, but why you make me delay you like that?”

    1. “we just need to make sure these shoes do not pose a threat to the other passengers mam”

      Please step over here mam while becka backhands your junk.

  19. The TSA exists to prevent the airplane you board from being hijacked to Cuba. That was a thing back in the late ’60s/early ’70. Men wearing dark sunglasses would patrol airports looking for communists. Still, you could buy an airplane ticket with cash and walk to the gate unmolested. Now, after 9/11, the TSA prevents something else. What that is, nobody knows.

    1. No,the TSA was a creation on 911.

    2. Now, after 9/11, the TSA prevents something else. What that is, nobody knows.

      Pretty much nothing.

      What the TSA does accomplish is another huge pool of pubsec employees, now, I believe unionized. It also furthers our conditioning to be meek little serfs.

      And that’s about it. I can’t think of one single other thing that it actually does.

      1. Yes, the screeners have a union.

    3. TSA was created after 9/11, so…nope.avi

      1. Technically yes. But the entire “safety screening” theater was first created for preventing hijacking planes to Cuba. The TSA is just the government takeover of the airline-funded screening. Basically it’s a bailout for the airlines who screened and still allowed their planes to be hijacked and causing billions in property damage.

  20. Bang ,bang,on the door baby!

    1. I assume the B-52’s are banned .

  21. I went on a camping trip to Alaska once where a guy we were traveling with accidentally put his 9mm pistol and it’s ammunition in his carry-on. That same trip I accidentally packed a bag of weed. Another guy accidentally packed his filet knife kit in his carry-on. Clearly we’re a bunch of fuck ups, but the universe was on our side and we went through five different airports and our bags were searched no less than three times. None of these items were found by the TSA and we all shit our pants when we got to the camp, then celebrated the fact that none of us were incarcerated with a big fat doobie.

    1. Our tax dollars at work!

  22. Laqisha got herself some new shoes!

  23. Perhaps the TSA people were watching a Wild Wild West marathon and got confused. I remember one episode where Jim West managed to hide the parts of a real gun in his boot heels.

    1. They were just stalling her while they checked her out on spanktravision.
      You know they made her go through that machine at least 720 times.

      I think it was the bull dyck that kept asking her if there was any more ammo up there.

  24. “TSA Fondles Stripper’s Guns”

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