John Kerry

John Kerry Was So Proud of Meeting With Hollywood Hotshots He Tweeted This…

The secretary of state is seeking helping in disrupting ISIS's "narrative" (and maybe a cameo on Fuller House).


Say what you will about John Kerry, but he really, really, really knows how to antagonize even the people he ostensibly represents.

Which maybe isn't exactly what you want in a secretary of state—or even a receptionist at the local Meineke Muffler joint.

But Secretary Kerry recently got down to brass tacks regarding the Islamic State or ISIS (anything but ISIL, amirite?) by talking with…Kurdish freedom fighters? Iraqi Sunnis or even Iranian strategists? Maybe European allies or Turkish diplomats or the odd Saudi prince?

Well, no. Kerry sat down with "studio execs" in Hollywood to get their ideas on "how to counter the #Daesh narrative."

Seriously. So this is how our chief global diplomat is spending the waning months of an administration that has somehow managed to suck just as terribly at foreign policy as the George W. Bush administration did. Sweet-talking and strong-arming moviemakers into, what, finally greenlighting the long-awaited Rambo IV, in which Sly Stallone's signature psycho-Vietnam vet tracks down the radical Islamists he fought with against the Soviets in Rambo III? Or maybe Kerry just wants a cameo in Fuller House?

Because it's only Wednesday, let's leave aside the obviously disturbing notion that a representative of the U.S. government is talking with pop-culture producers in a way that is every bit as problematic as when the White House was into pushing TV shows to do its bidding in the drug war. This is the guy, after all, who suggested that killing cartoonists had a "legitimacy" that killing concert-goers didn't in the wake of the ISIS attacks in Paris last year. We've still got two work days left in the week, so let's just focus on the waste of time this bold mission represents on its face.

The mind simply boggles when looking at John Kerry's long political history. He is not simply awful and undistinguished. He is awful and undistinguished at so many different jobs. Here's his tweet:

More Reason on John Kerry here.

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  1. A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender goes, “so why the long face?”

    1. Works equally well for Celine Dion.

      1. Yeah but she just lost a husband, so people might not get the joke.

    2. You rang?

      Geez Nick, that one writes itself.

    3. Because the horse just talked to John Kerry.

  2. . So this is how our chief global diplomat is spending the waning months of an administration that has somehow managed to suck just as terribly at foreign policy as the George W. Bush administration did.

    Obama has been worse because they did some of the same things Bush did.

    1. Also, that is a photo of a Bilderberg meeting, right?

    2. And cared less.

      Normally I’d cheer a government that cares less, but in this case it seems to have just made them sloppy.

      1. Normally I’d cheer a government that cares less, but in this case it seems to have just made them sloppy.

        No. Your nose is right, they didn’t care less, they just cared about the (other) wrong thing(s). The sloppiness wasn’t for lack of drawing red lines they cared about as much as plain-old ineptitude.

  3. I imagine it went a little something like this

    Although I’m not sure which side of the table Kerry would have been on.

    1. He was under the table. On his knees.

  4. When I hear “Daesh” my first thought is always “What’s Harvey Weinstein think about this?” What’s the problem?

    1. When I hear “Daesh” my first thought is always “Finally we’re gonna do something about the Kardashians!”

  5. Studio execs are the creative ones behind movies, right?

    It turns out that R-rated comic book movies are the best weapon against ISIS, and it’d be great if the production companies could get some more tax credits to pump them out more efficiently.

  6. Great convo w studio execs in LA. Good to hear their perspectives & ideas of how to counter #Daesh narrative.

    Let’s leave aside the question of whether the narrative is the problem.

    What makes anyone think that studio execs in LA have any grasp of ISIS’s narrative or how to combat it??? Seriously, the only place I can think of where you would find people more disconnected from the experiences of ISIS’s followers and victims than Washington is LA.

    Awful, just awful.

    1. Why would Hollywood know anything about communicating with young Americans who are inexplicably drawn to the ISIS message?

  7. “I remember sitting in a theater in 1968 watching Christmas with the Kranks. I have that memory which is seared ? seared ? in me. What do we need to get a sequel in the works?”

  8. Top. Men.

    1. His face is long enough to cover Bottom.Man. too.

  9. The mind simply boggles when looking at John Kerry’s long political history

    What’s most entertaining/depressing is that Kerry really wanted this job badly. I don’t know if he is just bored with it or if he is still trying and really does just suck that badly.

    1. While this incident does look like one not giving a fuck and just exploiting their position, I imagine Kerry is super serial about all of this. He believes he’s accomplishing great, positive things.

    2. The thing to keep in mind here is that John Kerry is an intensely, grotesquely stupid man. Even for a politician. I have no doubt that he’s trying as hard as he can.

      A man’s got to know his limitations.

  10. Mel Gibson was not available for comment, so they went with Michael Bay’s “idea” instead.

    1. Say what you will about Mel Gibson, the son of a bitch knows story structure.

  11. Great convo w studio execs in LA. Good to hear their perspectives & ideas of how to counter #Daesh narrative.

    Also, notice how he doesn’t claim anything useful came out of it.

    Stay calm and Kerry on!

  12. You know Nick, I’m usually the first to jump to your defense when the toothless inbred skunk-eaters in this comment section willfully misinterpret everything you write into ammunition for the culture war they are fighting in their heads.

    But the fact that you composed this entire post without referencing that South Park episode makes me wonder if those “worse than Hitler” slurs might be true.

    1. Hey, I’ve never eaten a skunk!

      1. Yeah but you’ve fucked skunk roadkill…

    2. You don’t have to be a Skunkless tooth-eater to think Nick’s writing is shit. Seriously this is the best he’s done in months.

    3. You are culturally illiterate Hugh. It’s ‘possums, not skunks. Sometimes we bake armadillos in their shells for variety, but no one eats skunks. They are cute and smart and kept as pets.

    4. I don’t know about the rest of the toothless inbred sunk-eaters, but I fight the culture war in my pants.

    1. Ms Clinton and Mr Mezvinsky’s apartment has six and a half bathrooms

      Why does anyone *need* a half bathroom?

      1. So they don’t have to go to the full one to take a piss.

      2. It’s for the servants to share.

    2. Luxury fortress: Chelsea Clinton’s new $10million pad is New York’s longest apartment – stretching an entire block from 26th Street to 27th Street off Madison Avenue

      What. The. Fuck.

      And I walk by there most days on my lunch break. To think she could be up there… watching

      1. She is just like you and I. Regular folk.

        1. Hey, she needs the extra space and comfort to better fight for the downtrodden!

        2. Naw, she’s different. Her mom was capable using futures markets to turn $1000 into $100000 for her college education and her dad was a multi-million scam artist of the first order.

      2. Running her soft hands over her sheer negligee…

    3. I don’t get the point of these articles. Are they appealing to envy? To people’s desire to worship royalty?

      I don’t care what kind of lifestyle people live or what possessions they have as long as they didn’t acquire it by criminal means. That leaves the Clintons out.

  13. National.

    1. Sadly that shit happens a whole lot. It is a dark horrible world out there.

    2. Death penalty or let the other inmates deal with him….tough choice

      1. A distinction without a difference.

        Letting the inmates deal with it keeps the blood off of you.

        1. Plus it’s a safe bet they’ll make him suffer as much as he made that toddler suffer.

          My dad worked in the medical field. He once told me about an infant that was brought into the ER after the mom’s dirtbag boyfriend had put out cigarettes on it, leaving severe burns all over it’s body. The cop who arrested the POS took a picture of the child, both for evidence and to post on the bulletin board at the jail where the other inmates could see it. The next day, the walking diaper stain was brought in, beaten half to death by the other inmates. There’s some things that are beyond the pale even for most criminals.

          1. Unfortunately, this is no way to operate a prison system in a civilized nation.

            1. Good thing we don’t live in one of those…

        2. Letting the inmates deal with it keeps the blood off of you.

          True. But at what price? No trial. No due process. No chance to prove his innocence. Meanwhile, you’ve let the prisons become ruled by a mob of criminals.

          I’d rather live with the blood on my hands.

  14. If the people at State and the CIA had any brains, they would be making gay porn videos showing the various leaders of ISIS playing bottom and slowly leaking them out to the Islamic world in a way that made them believable bootleg sex tapes.

    The appeal of radical Islamists like ISIS is that they claim to be incorruptible. The Islamic world is riddled with corruption and injustice and the Islamists offer to fix that by following the law of God not of the mighty dollar and offer people meaning and a sense of purpose by dedicating their lives to making that happen. Show Islamist leaders to be phonies and you kill their appeal.

    1. Apparently it has to be *Islamist* leaders, though.

      1. That would be the most effective. A video of Al Bagdadi doing the nasty would have a tremendous effect on Isis’ appeal. A serious of videos showing ISIS camps as dens of un masculine homosexuality and other Islamic behaviors would be effective as well.

    2. Let’s get right to the root of the problem and discredit the entire Koran….

      1. That would make too much sense.

      2. Well, at least they could stop with the whole “Islam is a religion of peace” nonsense.

        Islam is a religion of peace in the same way national socialism and communism were religions of peace. Sure, they all aspire to peace, but only after all their enemies are slain.

      3. I’ve got an idea! We could post a video to Youtube!

    3. “If the people at State and the CIA had any brains…”

      If my dog had more brains he would be in the kitchen baking pot roast. If my aunt had balls she would be my uncle.

  15. The director of Innocence of Muslims was unable to attend.

    1. Well, to be fair, the last film he made destabilized an entire nation, even though nobody saw it. Imagine if it had serious Hollywood distribution and marketing muscle.

      1. …muscle

        Paging Melissa Click! Paging Melissa Click!

    2. Stone cold winner.

  16. I am sure they came up with a plan to make more movies where the poor muzzies are being discriminated against and the real bad guy trying to blow everyone up turns out to be a white guy.

    1. A white businessman.

  17. Once again, the world’s biggest douchebag.…..-john.html

    1. That is funny stuff.

    2. This all makes me feel better about the old swiftboating. In the end I thought Corsi was a half-crazy useful idiot for the right. But Kerry is not a great guy and Corsi kept him from doing more damage to the country.

      1. Living in Texas for the past three decades, I’ve had at least eight opportunities to vote for GWB. Only once did I pull the lever for GWB, and that was to vote against Kerry.

  18. It’s ever thus. Tell a guy wearing a $2000 suit that he gets to have a private meeting with the Secretary of State, and the last thing he’s going to do is say, “No can do.”

    1. I thought it was rather the reverse. Tell a high government official in a $2000 suit that he gets to have a private meeting with Harvey Weinstein, and the last thing he’s going to say is “No can do.”

  19. True story: My mom is 92 and has alzheimers. A couple years ago I was in her room and John Kerry was on TV. My mom said something about how hideous he looked.

  20. But he looks so distinguished.

  21. …the long-awaited Rambo IV, in which Sly Stallone’s signature psycho-Vietnam vet tracks down the radical Islamists he fought with against the Soviets in Rambo III?

    Directed by Michael Bay. EXPLOSIONS!!111!!!!

    1. How can Nick claim to know anything if he doesn’t even know they already made a Rambo IV. And that script idea did sound interesting, it was supposed to be the kid from Rambo III all growed up as the bad guy. But I liked the idea better where Brian Dennehey would be a militia leader going after Rambo for ruining his life.

      1. The newest Rambo is pretty good and is what brought me to the series.

  22. Dude, this is textbook fedgov. And he probably genuinely feels like this is not only worthwhile but a perfect outside-the-box strategy. Government and nonprofits love doing shit like this and calling it a “retreat” or a “working lunch” or “strategy roundtable” or some bullshit. Once there’s no question of profit and they’re spending someone else’s money, you see a lot less overtime and a lot more day-long ice cream socials on the clock.

  23. So much waste and unproductive activity among the parasite class. So much.

    Tsk, tsk.

  24. John Kerry is a jackass, plain and simple!

  25. omg mom, that’s ME! MEEE, having a meeting in Hollywood! OMG OMG OMG I saw Cameron Diaz in the elevator!!!!

  26. Hollywood loves terrorism. Why would they want to stop it? Kerry is a stupid fucking idiot.

    Here’s an idea – an aggressive panhandler decides to turn his life around and get a real job when he gets sucked up into ISIS propaganda that they are fighting to establish a pious and righteous society where everyone is treated equally and he gets recruited to go to Syria where he discovers much to his shock that they are raping people and robbing banks and all sorts of other outlandish capers involving heavy weaponry. Outraged, he thinks again about his poor decision making skills and having learned his lesson returns home and gets a real job at a fast food restaurant.

    1. Now there’s a Libertarian Studios Production. In the sequel, the federal minimum wage is raised to $20 an hour and he is replaced by a robot. John Kerry adds half a billion dollars to his personal fortune because he has violated numerous SEC regulations through insider trading in robot companies.

  27. Wow. Our leaders are much more childish than I thought I had no idea what a Daesh was, so I googled it. This article from the mirror came up first and explained that it was based on the original group’s acronym in arabic and:

    In January this year, Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced that he would begin referring to the Islamic State group by this name, saying: “Daesh hates being referred to by this term, and what they don’t like has an instinctive appeal to me.”

    It seems that other world leaders have now followed suit, with French president Francois Hollande and the USA’s secretary of state John Kerry both using the term.

    According to NBC, ISIS has reportedly threatened to ‘cut out the tongues’ of anyone it hears using the term.

    Evan Kohlmann, a national security analyst, told NBC: “It’s a derogatory term and not something people should use even if you dislike them.”

    Really guys? We’ve resorted to calling the fat kid named McDonough “McDough-Boy”, just to get a rise out of him. I can see a bunch of idiots on the net acting that way, after all, we’ve earned it. But Prime Ministers and Presidents? I’d rather they just called them “Douchebag Jihadis”.

  28. John Kerry speaks about communications with private sector experts on communications. Says thanks in a tweet. How awful!

    Libertarian blogger needs a moment.

  29. John Kerry speaks about communications with private sector experts on communications. Says thanks in a tweet. How awful!

    Libertarian blogger needs a moment.

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