Campus Free Speech

Students Who Didn't Get Solos in Burlesque Show Claim Victimhood Status

Desperately seeking a safe space because you were denied a part in a play.



Northwestern University students might have just won the everything-is-offensive sweepstakes: student-performers who were denied prominent roles in the campus's burlesque show say the event isn't inclusive enough, and organizers are frantically trying to create a "safe space" for them.

The burlesque show is an annual tradition during Northwestern's "sex week," and strives to empower students to think positively about their bodies. Everyone who tries out gets a part in the production, though not everyone gets a solo.

But this year's roster is one big microaggression, according to the students, who claim the directors didn't obey the dictates of diversity when making their selections. As I wrote in a recent column for The Daily Beast:

The directors are working tirelessly to un-hurt everybody's feelings, and have restructured the show to make room for more solo acts. But the irate performers demand more:

"Even though this is something new that we're being confronted with, that doesn't make it any less valid," said one student. "It's very important that we are always consciously thinking of deliberate ways to uplift people that are not uplifted in society."

Another student said burlesque show rehearsals will strive to be more "intentionally inclusive" from now on. The group is apparently drafting some kind of constitution, which will presumably enshrine their right to unimaginable levels of inclusivity.

The irony is undeniable: it used to be conservative groups who threw tantrums about transgressive displays of moral non-conformity. But on today's college campuses, no one is more offended and outraged than the liberal kids.

Generation "Every Kid Gets a Trophy" is coming of age, and it isn't pretty.

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  1. Ah, the business and political leaders of the future.

    1. Ah, the business and political leaders of the future.

      Fixed that for you. Because the market selects for people that are the most rational and insightful in furthering their goals, politics selects for those that are best at being pathologically dishonest and power hungry.

  2. Start your own damn burlesque show.

    1. That’s what I was going to say. You want to strut around half naked – nobody’s stopping you.

      But, for these people, that’s not enough. Its not *freedom* they want, its the comfort of knowing that they are ‘in’. That they are part of the mainstream on not on the outside. Its exactly this sort of thinking that leads to ‘holier-than-thou’ rhetoric – which in large parts of the world inexorably leads to people committing violence against their neighbors to show how dedicated to the group they are.

      You see it with religious fundamentalists.
      You see it in authoritarian regimes.

      All those people who are not only willing to tattle on their not-quite-as-conformist neighbors but are willing to wield the ax themselves.

      1. is calling them pussies offensive or inclusive?

        1. “is calling them pussies offensive or inclusive?”


      2. It is the next step. Making everyone conform, and then assisting those that do not.

        The fucking brownshirts are back.

        1. The good news is they are effete and would get bitch slapped if they ever got violent.

          1. Yeah, but it won’t be *one* of them. It’ll be a pack of five or ten. With knives.

            Then, once they’ve gotten a taste of true power, then the guns and camps.

        2. Well, their hero, Bernie Sanders did call to corporatize the Federal Reserve:

          If I were elected president, the foxes would no longer guard the henhouse. To ensure the safety and soundness of our banking system, we need to fundamentally restructure the Fed’s governance system to eliminate conflicts of interest. Board members should be nominated by the president and chosen by the Senate. Banking industry executives must no longer be allowed to serve on the Fed’s boards and to handpick its members and staff. Board positions should instead include representatives from all walks of life ? including labor, consumers, homeowners, urban residents, farmers and small businesses.

          This is exactly how Fascist Corporations (which are more like regulatory bodies) are organized.

  3. John approves.

  4. Ugh. Imagine how fugly you have to be to get turned down for a body-positive burlesque solo?

    “I know everyone here is vomitous, but you gals are so bad we need to get all of you up on stage so the audience doesn’t have to focus on you individually.”

    1. Maybe they were too good looking? The sight of an ass with no cellulite is probably quite triggering.

      1. Sadly, as a Northwestern alum, I can assure you that there’s never been a problem on campus of women being ‘too good-looking.”

        (C. Anacreon is hoping his fellow NU alum wife is not looking over his shoulder right now)

        1. My god, you have no idea of the horror of seeing hot, scantily clad women all time!
          – University of Southern California grad

    2. Vomitous? Related to Biggus Dickus?

      1. Ah haz seen that them thar Mounty Python show about “Biggus Dickus”, and, fer the lack of an accompanying character named “Ginormus Twattus”….

        CONSIDER ME TRIGGERED, dammit!!!!!

        1. Dammit, in this whole (albeit short) article, there was NO mention of whether or not men (AKA, “X-chromosome-challenged individuals”) were allowed! Yet, in our culture, for every ONE opportunity for a “male hetero sex worker” there are OOODLES AND OOODLES of opportuinities for “female hetero sex workers”!!!! This is a screaming injustice!!! WHERE is academia and SJWs on this issue?!?! Cum to think of it, I am looking forward to TRUE equality in the USA as well! When my opportunities to be a well-paid and well-laid naked-dwonky-dancer are equal to the plentiful opportunities afforded to naked-titty-dancers, THEN we will be equal! I am NOT holding my breath…

          1. White straight men aren’t people. Duh.

  5. “It was brought to our attention that there are people in our community who feel that those solos and duets and trios are not best representing what the Burlesque community is,”

    This nonsense all stems from these retarded/arbitrary imaginary notions of “community” in the first place. An activity isn’t a community. Having the same skin-pigmentation as someone else isn’t a community. enjoying the same sex-acts isn’t a community. No one owes you anything, and you’re not the fucking ambassador of some fictional kingdom.

    :”American burlesque has a long, celebrated history of advancing social progress by empowering people”

    Or maybe its just enterfuckingtainment, Robby. And maybe white people are fucking retarded and need to tell themselves they’re wonderful snowflakes “progressing society” when all they’re doing is shaking some tittys.

    1. in a different era, these were the same people trying to shut down burlesque.

    2. “All” they’re doing? You take that back.

  6. Stripping= misogyny

    Burlesque= retro hipster wimyn empowerment

    1. I think it has more to do with pole placement and how far your fingers are allowed to take a germ ridden $1 note.

  7. My friend’s kid went to an NYC school where every part in every play was assigned to three kids. They all went onstage and spoke the lines together. Reason? So no kid would get “stage fright”.

    1. do you happen to know what school it was? private or public?

    2. In elementary school, I got the biggest part in a couple of class plays, the only reason being that I could memorize all the lines. đŸ˜‰

      Of course, I also had to wear tights to play the Pied Piper….

        1. I would have thought it was Old Man With Candy who was interested at the sight of prepubescent kids in tights sheer enough to see their undies through.

          1. I haven’t mentioned before that I’m a 10-year-old trapped in a 46-year-old body?

  8. “It’s very important that we are always consciously thinking of deliberate ways to uplift people that are not uplifted in society.”

    I think it’s also very important that we are always consciously thinking of deliberate ways to point out how we superior people are uniquely qualified to opine on who is and who is not uplifted in society. Only by ostentatiously flourishing the lower orders as totemic moral accoutrements can we truly display how little we think of the nasty little fucks.

    1. That might be the most malevolent quote all year.

    2. “Only by ostentatiously flourishing the lower orders as totemic moral accoutrements can we truly display how little we think of the nasty little fucks.”

      Very nice. Concise enough but not lacking in appropriate bile.

  9. Where’s Lilly Von Shtupp when you need here.

    1. It’s twue! It’s twue!

    2. Right next to Hedy Lamarr….

      1. “That’s HEDLEY!”

        1. This is 1874, you’ll be able to sue her!

    3. After promising Warner Bros. that he would edit out several “offensive” scenes–such as the infamous farting sequence–Mel Brooks in fact never cut a single scene except one: after the room is darkened and Lilly informs Bart “It’s TWUE! It’s TWUE!”, Bart quietly states,”You’re sucking on my arm”.

  10. how do these folks square sex week with rape culture? When the libertines and the puritans are the same, that is a bit confusing. Jeezus on a biscuit, I am glad to be far removed from the campus.

    1. That’s the fun part. You tell the students nearly anything is allowed and ok, then you destroy the lives of any young white hetero men who tries any of it.

      Of course I give away my opinion on this by using the term hetero instead of the cry bully approved cissssss.

      1. Ahem: ‘hetero’ refers to sexual attraction, whereas ‘cis’ refers to sexual identity. One can be a ‘cis homosexual’ if one was born male and attracted to males, or a ‘trans hetero’ if one was, say, born male, becomes a female, and is attracted to males.

        Consider yourself enlightened, you regressive pig. Oh, and send me money for doing you this service; it won’t relieve you of your white male guilt, but it will temporarily reduce it by about 1/64. If you want it reduced permanently you’ll have to send me a check every week.

        1. “trans hetero’ if one was, say, born male, becomes a female, and is attracted to males.”

          Ok, now explain the Camaro IROC-z

          1. Transguido

            1. “its not gay as long as the techno is loud enough”

          2. Camaro in Old Spanish = a small, shrimp-like creature
            IROC = International Race Of Champions
            Z = Zora Arkus Duntov,a member of the Chevrolet design team.

            How your assemble all that is up to you.

            1. duh, the joke was, “explain how this isn’t gay”…

              ….and playing off the “Trans-___” association with the pontiac trans-am

          3. Ok, now explain the Camaro IROC-z


            What do I win? A fake tan?

            1. And a genuine can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli!

      2. If a white guy runs it: rape culture.

        If a gender-fluid* woman runs it: sex week.

        *an actual gender/sexual thing, not an STD as I originally thought.

        1. yuck she got gender fluid all over me

      3. the only safe zone is the land not attached to a college campus.

  11. “deliberate ways to uplift people that are not uplifted in society.”

    High schools around here do this by electing the Downs kids as prom King and Queen, and by letting the Downs kid score unimpeded touchdowns to let them feel as athletic as the other team members.

    1. Yay! Cake!

    2. Don’t offend kids with down syndrome to the yuppie progressives. That’s offensive to the retards.

    3. maybe they’re too slow to find it insulting?

    4. Next, we will allow the Down’s kids to design and build bridges…

      When Mama Nature refuses to revoke the laws of gravity and physics, engineering, etc., and the bridges come crashing down…

      We can employ LEGIONS of lawyers to SUE Mama Nature for insensitivity!!! Can you IMAGINE the economic stimulus derived from all those lawyer paychecks?!?!?

  12. Which is the article where Kmele breaks down the numbers on black actors who won an Oscar?

    1. must we really enact that labor for you?

      Pro-tip = type “Kmele” in the magic search-box

      Oscars has revolved around the assumption that the awards show isn’t representative of America’s broader diversity, Freethink Media’s Kmele Foster recently pointed out the shaky math behind that theory. As he said on Fox and Friends:

      Twenty percent of the wins in the ‘Best Actor’ category, for example, have gone to black actors. Blacks are not 20% of the population; they’re around 13% of the population…12.4% of the nominations have gone to black actors…

      I don’t doubt the sentiment here. I don’t doubt that people are concerned about this issue. I don’t doubt that you’re sincere in your concern about this issue. What I’m suggesting to you is that when I look at the actual facts here?the data?since 2000 to today, that across various categories, the fact of the matter is that blacks, relative to their percentage of the population, have been over-represented in some sense, not under-represented.

      And it’s important to acknowledge that because regardless of who’s doing the nominating, it’s a ‘fair’ outcome.”

      1. My orphans have made me lazy.

      2. Your “facts” have no place in this debate.

      3. how do we know that’s a “fair” outcome? youd have to be able to quantify acting ability for awards like this to mean anything. maybe that’s the point though; since they dont mean anything there’s no reason they shouldnt be awarded in direct proportion to the relative sizes of whatever groups you’re talking about. really, to make sure we’re fair about this stuff in the future, we oughta have different categories for different races, just like they have different bathrooms.

  13. Left to right: No. Wuld pound, yes. No. Maybe.

  14. Uplift THIS.

  15. Testimonials from NW burlesque performers

    about themselves, natch.

    its totally not one big bicycle pump for people’s egos. really.

    I SOOOO want to mildly edit this video and add 2 people in.

    1) me, very-sincerely going, “I burlesque to free palestine. also, cancer. We’re curing cancer, right?”
    2) a professional stripper going, “Bitch, are you saying we aint getting paid?”

    1. fyi: the correct abbreviation for Northwestern is NU, not NW. The school is Northwestern, not North Western.

      /long-time pet peeve of every NU alumnus

      1. Is that where nu-metal started? Did you go to school with limp biscuit?

      2. “the correct abbreviation for Northwestern is NU, not NW”

        yes, but for the layperson, NW is an acronym that actually has an obvious, readily-apparent meaning.

        noted, though

      3. Maybe you can think of all the Yiddish-speakers you’re microaggressing against with your appropriation, gottenyu

    2. “I do burlesque because I’m a sex-positive radical feminist intersectional genderqueer otherkin promoting empowerment of marginalized peoples in the Global South.

      Also…FUCK YOU, DAD!!!!!”

  16. Everyone should win an Oscar ribbon.

    We have to keep Spike Lee happy.




      Now 20. If skin color is any indication.

  18. “it used to be conservative groups who threw tantrums about transgressive displays of moral non-conformity.”

    Apparently, “throwing a tantrum” is like “protesting,” only by someone you disagree with.

    1. A conservative student in a suit and tie (if male) or a dress (if female) would probably be staging a transgressive display of moral nonconformity on many campuses.

      1. Or, for the more casual dresser, this T-shirt.

        1. We could put them in a bank.

    2. “im principled, you’re stubborn, and he’s a pigheaded son of a bitch”

  19. OMG, my burlesque number features other people’s breasts in addition to mine!!! Help! I’m a victim! Triggered! Safe space!

    You will bend to our politically correct will. You will be assimilated.

    Except, resistance is not futile.

    1. Sounds kinky.

  20. Here we go Broncos, here we go!
    Omaha! Omaha!

    1. I grew up in Omaha. That cheered me. Several times.

  21. The future is looking ever brighter for the less talented among us.

  22. Please stop calling these people liberals. It’s an insult to even the word itself. Modern day church ladies? Maybe. Little Hitlers and Stalins? Could be. Overgrown infants? Definitely. Liberals? Not even remotely.

    1. Yeah. Make sure to use only those labels that been approved by the what we is allowed to call folks nazi for life.

  23. I am still suffering from the microaggression of not getting the part I wanted in our 10th grade class play.

    No one tired to un-hurt my feelings and they deliberately failed to uplift me.

  24. You know, I’m old enough to remember when the whole Northwestern “Sex Week” started, or at least when the social conservatives caught wind of it and threw their hissy fit. A good many self-styled libertarians were delighted to poke their thumb in their eye in support of the idea. Well, I hate to be the guy taking away the punch bowl, but where did people think it would end? When the train left the “Let’s have a sex week complete with a burlesque show to empower students to think positively about their bodies” depot, did anyone think this wouldn’t have been one of the destinations? If your stated goal is to empower students to think positively about their bodies, is that something that is supposed to stop with the chubby-but-still-cute girls? It sure sounds to me like the hideous skanks would need the empowering even more than them. And if you’re going to institutionalize sexuality, it only seems right that you make that institutionalized sexuality reflective of the values your institution aspires to.

    It’s almost as if sexuality is something best left private.

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