Marco Rubio

Marco Rubio's Shady Past as an Illegal Teenage Park Visitor

Can you really trust someone with this record?

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Foter / Gage Skidmore

So far during this presidential campaign, newspaper reporters have revealed a number of concerning facts about GOP candidate Marco Rubio's history: He once got a speeding ticket (along with three other driving infractions), he owns a boat, and—perhaps most damning at all—he drinks water.

Now The Washington Post has added yet another crucial bit of information to the GOP candidate's backstory: As a teenager, he was once arrested being in a park after it closed. He seems to have been drinking beer at the time.

Is there more? Not yet. Indeed, the trail goes suspiciously cold after the initial incident. As the Post report notes, "There's no indication that Rubio was involved in any illegal activity other than drinking beer and being in a public park after closing." The police report doesn't mention alcohol, and indicates no drugs were involved. 

That Rubio was never put into custody, never hired a lawyer, and never appeared in court, according to his presidential campaign strategist, suggests the nature of the crime. And it may raise questions about his candidacy and fitness. Just what kind of a person are we dealing with here? Is this really someone we can entrust to run a federal government that, after all, operates a considerable amount of parkland? How much can you trust a man who once drank beer in a park?

The steady drip-drip-drip of details about Rubio's background and personal life has already told us plenty, and the application of more shoe leather from America's top newsgathering organizations will surely reveal even more.

In the meantime, you may also want to read George Will's recent column looking at some additional, possibly less interesting material from Rubio's past, like his long record of poor judgments when it comes to policy. 

Will notes, for example, that Rubio has long supported federal sugar subsidies for a small band of families in his home state, and that his justifications for that support, which involve scare stories about America being "at the mercy of a foreign country for food security" are utter rubbish. In addition, Will writes, Rubio, like Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama, was a loud and energetic backer of a poorly conceived military intervention in Libya.

Finally, Rubio backs a Senate bill known s the Campus Accountability and Safety Act. The bill lowers the standard of evidence required to determine guilt in campus sexual assault cases, and it relies on a single, shoddy study in order to justify its procedural changes. The bill is a pet project of the White House, and Will charges that "by co-sponsoring S.  590, Rubio is helping the administration sacrifice a core constitutional value, due process, in order to advance progressives' cultural aggression."

None of this, I think it's safe to say, is quite as revealing or notable as Rubio's water-drinking habits or his experiment with illegal teenage park-going, but it may provide some filler for serious Rubio completists wishing to gather a fuller picture of the candidate.

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  1. Yet they remain incurious about Hillary’s various issues. Odd, that.

    1. Don’t forget the overwhelming incuriosity about Obama’s past. Parts of that are locked down tighter than Fort Knox, and the mainstream media hasn’t cared for eight years. Only Republicans warrant digging for dirt.

  2. If this is the kind of lawlessness they bring across the border I say, “Build, Donald, build!”

    1. By ‘border’ are you referring to that stretch out past Arlington?

    2. Since Rubio was born in Miami, clearly that wall needs to be built along the Florida/Georgia border.

      Even better, just wall off Dade County from the rest of the country.

      1. If it keeps the carpetbaggers out … I’m all for it!

  3. As a teenager, he was once arrested being in a park after it closed.

    You could also say “As an adult. . . .”, since he was 18 at the time.

    I really don’t understand why a candidate doesn’t just open their campaign by having their staff do a full oppo dossier, and making it public.

    “Yeppers. 8 speeding tickets, one drunk and disorderly, a divorce, that unfortunate incident with the neighbor’s daughter, and that’s about it. Oh, yeah, I got into a scuffle with the IRS; turned out I owed them $400 more dollars than I thought.

    For the moment, I’m going to sit on my transcripts and medical report; as we have seen, not all candidates release those, and I’ll do so when all of my potential opponents do.”

    1. “Yeppers. 8 speeding tickets, one drunk and disorderly, a divorce, that unfortunate incident with the neighbor’s daughter, and that’s about it. Oh, yeah, I got into a scuffle with the IRS; turned out I owed them $400 more dollars than I thought.

      For some of us, this is called “Thursday”, but we’re not running for national office.

    2. I got into a scuffle with the IRS; turned out I owed them $400 more dollars than I thought.

      TAX DODGER!!!!1!!!11!!!!!!! /progs

  4. I don’t know that I’ve ever actually seen a photo of Marco Rubio. Does he have Ray Liotta face?

  5. Problem is that Dems don’t disagree with sugar subsidies.

  6. As a teenager, he was once arrested being in a park after it closed. He seems to have been drinking beer at the time.

    So are the Democrats really concerned that he was drinking beer in a park after dusk and the detrimental effects on America’s youth, or are just doing hit pieces.

    I’ll take my answer off the air.

  7. Jeez. At least Ned Flanders has a mustache.

    1. And Ned is left-handed. Sinister.

  8. The speeding ticket thing, which the NYT thought fit to publish, was about speeding tickets that both he AND HIS WIFE had received. IIRC, he had only received 1 himself.

    In related news, Hillary and her husband have raped several women.

    1. Are they not a unit? Do they not enjoy the privileges of straights-only marriage?

      1. I’d rather not think about her unit.

    2. Hilary’s raped several women?

      Playa, you do know Sugarfree’s writing is not documented reporting, right?

  9. I think we all know what goes on after hours in public parks. I mean, there is a reason the authorities close them.

    1. It’s got something to do with hiding condom use.

      1. It has something to do with the shenanigans similar to those of CNN reporter Richard Quest.

    2. True story:

      In my town they had a few parks that were absolute hot spots for criminal activity, so the city set a policy to close them.

      Everyone screamed “racism” so they closed every park in the city at dusk- including parks that were just a wide place in the road with trees and a nice view.

      1. By criminal activity, do you mean bums fucking each other right next to the playground?

        We had the same problem in Berkeley. The city council’s solution was to hand out free condoms.

        1. By “criminal activity”, I mean that some parks were enjoying more libertarian moments than others.

          1. Gay mexicans buttfucking each other while smoking weed?

    3. Robots fighting lions?

  10. You know, the statement “ignorance of the law is no defense” would have a lot more weight to it if it weren’t for the fact that I can be arrested for wandering into a public park I didn’t know was closed if I’m theoretically in a city I’m not native to.

    If I went on a vacation to Florida, happened to go for a walk after dark, and wandered through this same park, the cops could pick me up and hit me with a misdemeanor even though there is no conceivable way I could have known the rules about park closures in another state.

    Land of the free.

  11. I swear to God you could have posted this unedited on Huffpo and they would have lapped it right up with a hearty “Yeah! Another fake family values asshole!” Probably even more so if you didn’t get serious at the end.

    1. It’s not just Huffpo going apeshit over this. Reason did,
      Did the motherfucker ever skip school?
      Every other report I’ve read — 3 or 4 — ridiculed WaPo for publishing it.
      But ridiculing Reason is now the norm, says this saddened 40-year reader.

    1. Only because he has no chance of being the RETHUGLIKKKAN nominee. If he were the front runner they’d have the vapors.

  12. So, from the cosmotarian perspective, is pool-boy better or worse than Trump?

    1. Rubio? Yeah he’s better than Trump but not by a whole lot.

      Rubio’s biggest problem is he is the epitome of a big government “conservative” whose go to Foreign Policy action is to bomb everyone.

      Other than his love for the Military and Security state his economics aren’t bad and he seems t have a more sane outlook on immigration than most of the Republican field and is maybe a hair more reasonable on the social policy side of things than the rest of the Republicans but none of that is enough to make up for the fact that a President Rubio would have us at war with half a dozen countries and living in a police state here at home.

      1. I strongly disagree that being “better on immigration” carries more weight than “worse on foreign intervention”

        1. Maybe it wasn’t clear, I said being better on Immigration and marginally better on economics WASN’T enough to overcome his bomb everybody foreign policy and spy on everybody domestic policy.

          However that was all compared to the Republican “field”, Trump is worse than just about everyone on just about every issue primarily because he has no identifiable stand on any of them and his current “policies” are so much of a deviation from his past history.

          To the extent that Trump has articulated an identifiable foreign policy it is every bit as interventionist as Rubio’s albeit with a touch fewer bombs involved and a bit more economic sanctions (or as Trump calls it “negotiating”).

          1. Trump opposed the invasion of Iraq and removing Assad in Syria. I’m unaware of him advocating any sort of “nation-building” like Rubio, Kasich, Christie, and Jeb! The neocon establishment has lumped him in with Paul and Cruz as “insufficiently interventionist”.

    2. I believe Rubio said he would increase the war on drugs.

      1. Trump’s got him beat there.

  13. “Marco does have a water thing,” said one longtime Rubio associate

    You know who else has a water thing?

    1. Tom Selleck when in California?

    2. Some enema-pornographer ENB is failing to interview at the Porn Festival?

    3. Bobby Boucher Jr.?

    4. Orin. Gotta be Orin. You know, from Poseidonis?

    5. The Wicked Witch of the West?

  14. I have never been on Kennesaw Mtn when the park was open.

  15. You know who’s the real victim here?
    After Obama, of course.
    Jeff Bezos.
    He knew he would have to carry water for the D-Team, but someone was paid to go to Florida and dig through criminal records and land deeds and all kinds of other bullshit records… and sit on the beach and ogle bikini-clad females.
    Someone was paid for this.
    And all they got was this.

    1. It gets better – they paid TWO people to dig this up.

      Manuel Roig-Franzia is a writer in The Washington Post’s Style section. His long-form articles span a broad range of subjects, including politics, power and the culture of Washington, as well as profiling major political figures and authors.

      Scott Higham is reporter assigned to The Post’s investigative unit.

    2. Actually, Miami has topless beaches.

      1. IIRC.

  16. If this is all they got, then they got nothin’.

    1. No shit. I’ve lived a low-profile life, and I’ve got more dirt on me than they’ve found on Marco.

      Which is kinda sad (for Marco), if I think about it.

      1. R C, I think you’ve just found the Post’s next investigative piece on Rubio – Rubio is is THE MOST BORING MAN EVER!

  17. I assumed this was satire, especially when the hyperbole got so wacky.
    Did he ever jaywalk? OMG, he was 18! So was 1/3 of my high school graduating class,
    If nothing else, change the fucking title. Worse than what even Trump would do.

    1. Yes, Michael, it was satire.

      1. Whew. Who tells everyone else here?

  18. “Rubio was… drinking beer… no drugs were involved”

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