Public schools

You Really Won't Believe This University Study Alleging Chocolate Milk Mitigates Concussions. And You Shouldn't.

Product placement masquerading as science

|

Milk
Dreamstime

Ah, chocolate milk: a beloved beverage for children, occasional treat for adults, and brain supplement that improves the cognitive functions of concussion victims. That's according to extremely dubious research produced by the University of Maryland, which shamefully touted the results in a press release that sounds like an advertisement, not just for chocolate milk, but for a specific brand: "Fifth Quarter Fresh."

If you wish to continue living under the delusion that public universities are serious places engaged in vital scientific research, read no further.

The study involved some 474 high school football players: half the group was given Fifth Quarter Fresh on a regular basis—"sometimes six days a week"—and the other half was not. According to the research, which was spearheaded by Kinesiology Professor Jae Kun Shim, "Both non-concussed and concussed groups showed positive effects from the chocolate milk."

Now don't go rushing off to the dairy mart so quickly: the study was never peer reviewed, and is not technically published at this point. It's also not quite clear whether Fifth Quarter Fresh played some role in the funding or research process. According to the press release, the Maryland Industrial Partnerships Program provided the funding, but I don't kow what that combination of words indicates. I reached out to Jae Kun Shim for clarification, but did not immediately get a response.

The press release certainly reads like an advertisement for Fifth Quarter Fresh:

Officials in Washington County, Md., home to all seven high schools participating in the study, are now considering the broad adoption of Fifth Quarter Fresh in sports programs throughout its school system.

"There is nothing more important than protecting our student-athletes," said Clayton Wilcox, superintendent of Washington County Public Schools. "Now that we understand the findings of this study, we are determined to provide Fifth Quarter Fresh to all of our athletes."

Earlier this year, UMD released the preliminary results of a study showing that Fifth Quarter Fresh outperformed leading commercial workout recovery drinks for endurance recovery by 13-17 percent.

It doesn't sound like anybody's tax dollars were wasted on this project, at least. But it's a little disturbing to see a public university promoting under-scrutinized research that so obviously serves a private, corporate interest. In fact, it's udder-ly ridiculous. (Sorry, I have to milk this for all its worth.)

NEXT: Ted Cruz Targets Donald Trump, Al-Jazeera America Shutting Down, 1800s Shipwreck Found During Search for Malaysia Flight 370: P.M. Links

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. “There is nothing more important than protecting our student-athletes,” said Clayton Wilcox, superintendent of Washington County Public Schools. “Now that we understand the findings of this study, we are determined to provide Fifth Quarter Fresh to eliminate the sports programs of all of our athletes.”

    FTFY

  2. Also: It’s got electrolytes!

    1. That’s what plants crave

    2. Since atheletics can also lead to arthritis and it is a known fact that cherries cure gout, a Schwarzw?lder Kirschtorte should be placed in every football helmet before play begins

      1. God, everything I have ever wanted to say to other people sounds so much better in German.

      2. Now I want Schwarzw?lder Kirschtorte and glass of cold milk.

        1. Kirschwasser Spritz fur Alles, dammit!

        2. My mother did Schwarzwalder videos to put herself through college.

          1. What happens in the Black Forest, stays in the Black Forest.

              1. Are you mad about eating cake, or is that a cuckoo Glock in your pocket ?

      3. You just made a “yummy” sound.

  3. Chocolate cures everything! The science is settled.

    Soave is a Chocolate Denialist!

    1. What’s Obama, white chocolate?

  4. According to the press release, the Maryland Industrial Partnerships Program provided the funding, but I don’t kow what that combination of words indicates.

    It’s called a web search engine; they’re actually quite easy to use!

    1. MIPS provides funding, matched by participating companies, for university-based research projects that help the companies develop new products.

      So, some of it comes from the University (maybe tax dollars) and some from the company asking for the research.

      Press Release about funding the study:
      http://www.mtech.umd.edu/media/release.php?id=348

      ($321,611) Jae Kun Shim, associate professor, department of kinesiology, teams with Keedysville-based Fluid Motion LLC to investigate the effects of 5th Quarter Fresh, a high-protein, fat-free chocolate milk, on post-exercise recovery and cumulative minor brain trauma.

      The jokes write themselves.

      1. fat-free

        *dry heaves*

        1. Fat-free milk, i.e. dirty water.

    2. In fairness to Robby, I’ve lost track of the number of ‘studies’ that were done by “The Partnership for something something extremely vague” that the City Council is using that found how un-unionized restaurant workers are being taken advantage of… and even with the web search engine, it’s extremely difficult to find that 8 layers down, the SEIU is behind it.

  5. Robby, as a U of MD alumn, let me entitle you.

    The University has a dairy operated by students majoring in agricultural majors. The dairy supplies a really lovely ice cream shop.

    It doesn’t matter who funded it, or even why the research was conducted. The guys training the future farmers of America are very motivated to show that milk is good for you.

    The trick, as with all research, is to ignore the press release and wait for the actual paper to be published. It it is bullshit (and my guess based on the amount of junk science masquerading as nutricitonal research is that it will be bs), we can identify what sort of bs it is and savage that.

    But its premature to savage it; for all we know, the extra calcium in the milk does make for more concussion resistant skulls, or more sprightly people who manage to better avoid banging their heads.

    1. enlighten you! Fuck! I’m on a desktop! How the hell did I write that in the absence of autocorrect?!?

      1. Rico and entitlement go together like chocolate and milk. It was an easy mistake.

      2. dairy privileged?
        cis-hetero-autocorrected shitlord?

    2. Tarran discovered this one weird trick to having your work reviewed by peers!

      1. You won’t believe what happened next…

        1. Number 16 will blow your mind.

          1. Wow almost at the exact same time, TH!

            1. Great minds, and what not…

        2. He fixes the cable?

      2. #17 made me cry.

      3. But it didn’t work for Robby when he typed kow instead of know.

  6. The University of Maryland did not produce this “research”- that’s the affiliation of the author. He did the research there, but it’s not the University making this claim, it’s the particular professor. He does not seem to have any professional expertise in nutrition or epidemiology; his specialty is biomechanics.

    1. “”his specialty is biomechanics.””

      Wow. He works on Cyborgs.

  7. Chocolate milk is also great for headaches resulting from fractures in the spacetime continuum.

  8. Robby, by criticizing this research as allegedly “under-scrutinized,” you are failing to validate Prof. Shim’s feelings, as well as depriving him of a Safe Space in which to conduct his research! And everyone knows that peer review is a tool of White Heteronormative Male Oppression!

    1. I seriously doubt Shim has any control over what his institution’s PR department writes.

    2. close. It is a tool of the Added White Gaussian Log-normative Secret Society of the Vanishing Moments.

    3. “as well as depriving him of a Safe Space in which to conduct his research”

      Him, and/or her.

      “And everyone knows that peer review is a tool of White Heteronormative Male Oppression”

      Seriously this time, peer review is growing to be a meaningless term. Peer review in its current form is little more than reading and signing off on the paper. Whereas the intent in the scientific process is to duplicate and/or refute the validity of the research and its conclusions. Basically, it’s the peers job to poke holes in your work. That does not appear to be the current paradigm in a lot of cases. Instead we get competing studies from biased viewpoints.

  9. half the group was given Fifth Quarter Fresh on a regular basis?”sometimes six days a week”?and the other half was not. According to the research, which was spearheaded by Kinesiology Professor Jae Kun Shim, “Both non-concussed and concussed groups showed positive effects from the chocolate milk.”

    I show positive effects when I bitch slap researchers who don’t use a control condition.

    1. I’m a little rusty on experimental design, but how is this even a study without a control of any sort? And what would a control group look like? Would have you have the control drink something that looks and tastes like milk but wasn’t in any way milk? Where would you find such a substance? Or would you just ignore the placebo effect and just make the little bastards swear not to drink milk for the duration of the study?

      Science is hard!

      1. Since its not actually chocolate milk but a chocolate milk flavored “sports recovery drink”, they could just give the control actual chocolate milk in the same unlabeled container you are using for the actual product.

        1. An unflavored milk group would come in handy. It would answer the question of whether the benefits should be attributed to the milk, or the adulteration thereof.

          But that’s not the result they want.

          It reminds me of those Frosted Miniwheats commercials touting “clinical studies” that show kids who eat Frosted Miniwheats have are more focused in school than those who don’t eat anything. Well no shit. Any food will accomplish that. It doesn’t even attempt to compare it to other foods, probably because it’s a piss poor breakfast compared to bacon and eggs.

          This shit isn’t science. Calling it junk science is too generous. The scientific method is fine, but when you don’t follow it (by not releasing raw data, making it impossible to reproduce, and the only people conducting the experiment are motivated to affirm the hypothesis but not disprove it), that isn’t science.

          1. It’s the same shit going on with diets. Adherents to every type of hokey fad diet will shout from the rooftops about their brother, sister, neighbor, or aunt who “lost a ton of weight by going on this diet”… But what they won’t mention is that this person was on no diet whatsoever before.

            Almost any diet whatsoever will be better than unrestrained consumption of fast food, soda, and alcohol.

      2. Easy, they get chocolate malk.

      3. Two arms. One arm got super fabulous chocolate milk. The other did not.

        Since they did not actively concuss their subjects, not everyone got a concussion.

        So, they compare the frequency and severity of concussion between each group.

        And if they don’t see the answer they want, they analyze it a different way. And if that doesn’t work, they scuttle the study.

    2. I think it quite possible that bitch slapping was the approved method of inducing concussions in the study.

  10. Moonshot!!!!!

  11. In fact, it’s utter-ly ridiculous.

    so close

    1. It’s magically delicious!

  12. I don’t understand why you would need to even do this. Chocolate milk is the best. Just show a picture of a nice big glass of yummy chocolate milk.

    1. NesQwik Strawberry Rabbit would like to have a word with you …

      1. Not even close. I just put a tiny bit of chocolate syrup in my milk though. Barely over a teaspoon for a tall glass I would say.

      2. Not even close. I just put a tiny bit of chocolate syrup in my milk though. Barely over a teaspoon for a tall glass I would say.

  13. If you wish to continue living under the delusion that public universities are serious places engaged in vital scientific research, read no further.

    What if I need no further convincing of the contrary? I can open Youtube and watch more funny videos of crazy antics by kittens.

  14. Immaculate Trouser came to point out how Buzzfeed-like the title was, and saw that the commentariat had already beat him to it. You won’t believe how they responded to his comment (#4 made me cry)…

  15. Even if it were funded by the company making the product (it sounds like its not really chocolate milk, but a chocolate milk flavored “sports drink”), that doesn’t necessarily invalidate the research. That being said, unless concussions are much more common in high school sports than I’m thinking, I doubt they would be able to get enough data from only 474 subjects to have any confidence in the results. And the statement in the advertisement article “While the study’s results indicate a strong link between milk and the reduction of concussion-related symptoms, researchers caution that more in-depth studies are necessary to be conclusive” suggests that the results weren’t actually statistically significant.

    1. That won’t stop the breathless headlines from being written, and the belief echoes from reverberating, entering the vocabulary of momscientists the world over. Such is the power of junk science. Expect to hear about it on Facebook soon.

  16. Does Bailey’s Irish Cream count?

    1. It heals all wounds.

    2. I like that or rumchata in some hot cocoa.

    3. Candy cane vodka currently working in a mason jar. For candy cane mochas.

      *long, slow stare*

      1. Candy-cane despondence? Been there, Timbo.

      2. Nice idea.

      3. I was under the impression that candy canes vanished in a solvent in about five minutes. Might have to try this with table sugar and mint extract.

        1. Alcohol won’t dissolve sugar. Even a child knows this, first time he tries to take his candy canes and USE WITH his allotment of grain alcohol.

  17. Powerlifters have been drinking milk (usually whole milk, but also chocolate milk) as a post recovery and weight gain tool for years.
    So it would be no surprise if post workout recovery is enhanced by choc milk compared to something like gatorade, as choc milk has both sugars and protein.

    But I wasn’t going to waste my time on the concussion thing. Is the “study” based on cognitive function following concussion? Is it athletic performance? What is being measured? How is it being measured? Chocolate milk vs nothing else specifically? Choc milk vs. white milk?

    You know what?: if you like it, it makes you feel good, and your measurable performance (or body stats if you are just looking to bodybuild or just get “in shape”) doesn’t suffer, fucking drink it.

    1. It’s noteworthy that this specific drink is a “High Protein” chocolate milk.

    2. I’d bet the Maryland study stems from a recent finding that chocolate milk is better for recovery after endurance sports than typical sports drinks. I noticed this last year when I saw triathletes and long distance kayakers chugging it after events. Fifth Quarter Fresh is likely trying to capitalize on the trend and threw in “cures concussions” to get noticed. I don’t know how trustworthy the original claim is but google “chocolate milk post workout” and you’ll see all the fuss.

  18. According to the press release, the Maryland Industrial Partnerships Program provided the funding, but I don’t kow what that combination of words indicates.

    You shouldn’t kow-tow to no one!

    I reached out to Jae Kun Shim for clarification, but did not immediately get a response.

    Take it easy. It is not like he’s right besides the phone waiting on you. Your pushiness may explain why you drive people away, you know.

  19. Sounds like they’re trying to justify the newest beverage offering at their safe spaces.

  20. NO HOCKEY STICK?

    NO CONSENSUS!!!11!111111!!111!111111!!!

    1. You know who else gained value throughout every thermodynamic heat input process?…

    2. No, but we’ve lost the battle. By 2017, India will be out of chocolate milk, and there is no use sending them any; other countries will also be in need.
      Mark my words!

      1. “If the Chocolate Milk Does Not Cross Borders, Armies Will!”

        Fr?deric Bastiat Moo.

        1. “The attainment of the economic aims of man presupposes chocolate milk”.

          Ludvache von Mises

      2. Do they drink cow’s milk in India?

        1. I guess they do but they’re racist about it. Dealling with all those NJ execs that outsource jobs there has given them the correct perception of NJ.

          http://www.telegraph.co.uk/new…..crime.html

    3. You know, I think the time may have come for hockey stick companies to sue Michael Mann’s ass for malice.

      Hockey sticks are getting a bum rap because of that guy.

  21. I have a new favorite commenter

    Not safe for work, but safe for juvenile hijnx.

    1. You’re so easy

      1. You can admit to emitting a chuckle, homey.

        1. Guilty

    2. Its the virgin mary! I see it!

      1. I saw a tall skinny moomintroll

    3. Oh. ?? OHHHHH!!

      /Edith Bunker

    4. Love the handle. Wife and I had a beach wedding and due to a running joke at the time, had literal chocolate starfish on the cake

  22. Where’s Shreek been? I need some cheerleading after checking out the markets.

    1. This might be one reason.

      1. *chortle* Is he the dead one or the fianc

        1. Sorry, don’t understand that.

          But, scroll down from PM’s original comment and he has links to how badly PBP’s picks did.

          1. Thought you meant HMs post.

          2. I see it now. Means we’ll be seeing a new commenter eerily similar to PB soon.

  23. I hate milk.

    I particularly have a seething hatred for the public indoctrination of forcing me to drink it in school.

    But I showed them. Yes I did. I used to sneak chocolate Quick in a baggie into class and stir it in while the teacher wasn’t looking.

    Suckers.

    1. Is it because your milk came in bags instead of cartons like god intended?

      1. Bags, cartons, bottles, plastic, condom packs. I don’t give a shit. It’s all terrible to me.

        Milk gives me the stomach achey.

        1. Have you considered being more northern european and expressing the gene for adult lactase persistence?

          1. I’m not pink enough to be Northern European.

        2. I grew up on instant milk. It was very sad.

      2. “”cartons like god intended””

        Ugh.

        bottles, please. Maybe it shows my age, but there was something just ‘classier’ about having milk provided as delivery service

        1. And if I wash them out and return them to my local Whole Foods, I get a $2 refund. Also, cream top.

        2. My grandparents in rural NY get their milk in glass bottles from Byrne Dairy. The nearest dairy to me that sells in glass bottles i Broguiere’s in Montebello, which is 35 minutes to over an hour from me depending on traffic. One of the local markets carries it, but I usually only care enough for the markup when their eggnog rolls out.

          1. You people and your milk stories.

          2. Byrne Dairy, fighting the good fight against Wegmans.

            1. I wouldn’t mind living in the Wegman mansion on the lake tho.

        3. “bottles, please. Maybe it shows my age, but there was something just ‘classier’ about having milk provided as delivery service”

          Get off my lawn!

    2. In the gradeschool where I spent a couple years, it was milk every day then fucking chocolate milk on Tuesdays or something in order to show our respect for the God of War and Justice. At any rate, I remember being held in a dark room with a canister of chocolate milk for a long time and a girl because I refused to drink it. In fact, my parents had to come and have a discussion with the bozoes in charge before they let me go home. I have never drink chocolate milk.

      Also, for something round sixteen years after the ice cream shop shut down I never et ice cream. I patronised a McDonald’s restaurant twiced in my life. The first time I got a cup of coffee. The second time, about twenty years later, I got a cup of coffee. I think it was the same cup of coffee.

      1. I’ve got a kind of uneasiness about any kind of food that comes in an industrial packaging already cooked and any cooked foods whose ingredients can’t be readily identified. For this reason, I almost never visit “American” restaurants. (Also because most people working in American restaurant is not worth minimum wage and by extension the service isn’t worth what it costs. Minimum wage aside, it comes from the fucked up quotidian of English culture in which the more socially important a job, the less respected are them that does it, to the point that the jobs which provide the greatest public services may merit active disdain and persecution, whereas people who are total parasites get all sorts of respect. Consider, for instance, the relative treatment of prostitutes and licensed physicians. Veblen was right: I should have shot myself when I was twenty-five.)

      2. So you can blame my poor health on all this or any particular part. Like my father used to always warn me I was going to get “jellybones” when I grew up. I like to imagine I do so well despite certain less than preferable healthinesses partly because of my diet. I for instance have probably never had a concussion, despite my head traumas than any ten normal men, have never broken a bone despite some pretty vigorous antics (I’ve had the wind knocked out of me more times than I could even estimate. I was astonished to recently discover that this is not commonplace, that many people have never had it happen to them.) and severe osteoporosus in later motherfucking years. And I am never, ever careful. I’ve got tons of experience at falling. And what’s so fucking hard about if you fall not falling on the back of your semi-okay trolldomsord blathering fhead? I’ve fallen more times than most people have walked around, and I have fallen on the back of my head three fucking times. Is it so hard once things start flying out of control to say, “Well, then, I guess I’m going to fall. Time to stop flailing about and minimise damage.”? Seem like other folks fall backwards like half the time they fall down. How stupid can you be?

      3. That, or all the vigorous enemas and fibers that used to promote maximal efficiency in childhood. I was surprised to discover in adulthood that enemas are not universally a high-temperature, high-pressure proceedings performed at maximal volumes for most benefit. Welcome to Costa Rica.

  24. Didn’t we reject peer-review this morning?

    Also, as others here have pointed-out, I wouldn’t be quick to REJECT restorative properties of milk.

  25. I thought we wanted private funding for research…?

    1. Research does not equal infomercial

      1. What, exactly, is the problem? If it holds up then it’s useful information for both consumers and scientists. If it’s not, well, no one with half a brain believed it outright anyway.

  26. Oh man, I read this article and felt immediately better about my decision to put a bunch of Hershey’s chocolate syrup and Carnation malt powder into a tall glass of whole milk and blend it until it was slightlfy foamy…then run head first into a brick wall!*

    Thanks Shim!

    *the brick wall is a fabrication, but I did just finish a tall glass of chocolate malted milk and it was fabulous.

    1. I’ll have to add malt powder to my grocery list. That sounds awesome.

      1. It’s a massive quality of life improvement.

        1. I believe you. I love malted milk balls.

          1. I love malted milk balls.

            I used to, but stopped attending them after folks started getting a little too “malted”.

            1. 15 minutes without this being linked – I’m disappointed with H&R…

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIl-6UnlGVs

  27. 20 minutes till I hit it big, buy out Reason HQ for a few days, and buy $100 million worth of hookers and blow. INVITE ONLY

    1. So this is a blanket invite to the commentariat?

      1. Only if you promise not to puke all over the Jacket.

    2. INVITE ONLY

      I really appreciate you and your commenting ability.

      1. Unlike Crusty, who is a dirty cringing statist whore, I don’t recognize the supremacy of your arbitrary and capricious judgements. The individual alone is able to judge himself. So when I breeze in past your bouncer, know that it is not an affront to you but validation of myself.

        1. Low whistle…

          1. I was shooting for something Rand might write, but it’s been years since I read her, I only ever liked We The Living anyway, and god help me if I can stay awake for a sermon on objectivism.

        2. Principals over principles.

        3. So when I breeze in past your bouncer

          You’ll end up without all of your teeth and down a kidney should you try that, Se?or Spittoon. But I like your bravado. You’re on the list.

    3. 10 11 20 32 39 21, bitches.

      1. 1 4 6 30 69 3
        6 11 15 37 53 24
        14 22 36 43 50 9
        31 34 35 56 64 6
        5 16 19 33 35 17
        13 22 30 37 41 9
        19 23 36 52 61 10

        Yeah, I bought 7 plays. If I’m playing the lottery, I might as well go full superstition.

        1. Ooh, your are good.

          1. Your’s are good.

            1. Yuri’s good, too.

              1. So if LD wins, you saw it hear fist., right?

          2. I’ve been lied to. The drawing is 7:59PST, not 7PST 🙁

            1. Los Doyers|1.13.16 @ 10:02PM|#
              “I’ve been lied to.”

              Yeah, he’s only got a year to go.

          1. He enjoyed the product he paid for, likely in proportion to the amount he paid for it, and even recouped a substantial portion of his initial, fairly minor investment.

            Christ, the hubris of you latte-swilling idiots in critiquing how anyone else spends their money is really rather perverse. You jeer at the lottery as a moron tax, utterly failing to understand what exactly is being bought. But I’ll clue you in, it’s not the chance at winning a fortune: it’s the idea of winning a fortune. It’s the fantasy of it. If you’ve spent a single dollar (or maybe two dollars is the better comparison) on any form of entertainment in your life, you’re no better a judge of how money is spent on escapism than lottery players.

            And this from a socialist who fantasizes about spending cash other people have earned. Phenomenal. You are beyond parody. Or contempt.

            1. Shitbag fantasizes that he stuck it to ‘the man’ by sticking honest people with the remains of his mortgage; his fantasy only cost the rest of us a couple hundred thou!
              He’s such a ‘moral’ agent, doncha think?

            2. Most folks I know that catch lottery tickets do it on account of the shiney pictures and weird fucking methods of uncovering the value of the ticket. I don’t know anybody that just buys tickets systematicly regardless whether they find the particular form appealing or who just runs the fuckers through a scanner in order to rapidly assess value without going through the shenanigans. Most of the time, folks seem to feel rewarded if they succeed in getting a rebate equivalent to the amount they spent buying the fuckers.

              Now, with the lottery machines, it’s a different matter. Most of the participants are grim, dedicated workers, make it seem like some kind of job, and always believe themselves to be just on the point of hitting the jackpot, and failure to hit is always attributed to some extraneous factor fucking them over somehow.

  28. Lefty rag grasps at straws:

    “Focused on his own legacy, Obama ticked off a retrospective of his domestic and foreign policy actions in office, including helping lead the economy back from the brink of depression,”
    Delaying recovery, he means

    “muscling through a sweeping health care law,”
    Costing us an arm and a leg, by barely legal means

    “taking aggressive action on climate change”
    Bullshitting is ‘taking aggressive action’?

    “and ending a Cold War freeze with Cuba.”
    Kinda, sorta, but we’ve give him a 3.0 on this one
    http://www.sfgate.com/news/pol…..752556.php

    1. taking aggressive action on climate change

      He promised higher energy prices. He ends his term with historically low prices, despite his efforts. His record on climate change is an obvious repudiation of the Obama legacy.

    2. I always carry a razor in my collar in case of depression.

      Or capture by the enemy.

  29. I want a milk couch.

  30. Hey, dinner time!

    “Fresh food might be less healthy than you think ? and it’s bad news for Chipotle
    […]
    “Washing the produce is the obvious and essential way to eliminate bacteria, leading to the rise of “triple-washed” items. However, unlike most processed food, fresh produce is not always microwaved or cooked ? two of the most foolproof methods for killing bacteria.
    […]
    This counterintuitive fact ? that uncooked fruits and vegetables are some of the most likely foods to make you ill ? is something that has made the recent Chipotle E. coli outbreak so hard for customers to swallow.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/technolo…..756312.php

    Hope someone got a rim-shot for that last sentence…

    1. That fact could only seem remotely counterintuitive to raw food fadists. Seriously, who does this writer think humanity developed an affinity for cooked food in the first place?

  31. What has six balls and screws minorities?

    The lottery!

  32. A thought experiment: let’s say there’s two countries– A and B. Country A has done the following to Country B

    -threatened them with invasion
    -bombed them
    -invaded the neighboring country with no pretext
    -shoot out of the sky a commercial airline filled with Country B’s citizens

    Country A’s naval boats (boats with guns on them, but not called “warships) “run out of gas” and float into Country B’s territorial waters. Country B detains Country A’s military personnel for a couple of days and then releases them. Question: Should Country A nuke Country B from orbit? Discuss.

    1. Shut up Tulpa, the lottery drawing is about to start.

      1. I know. I just might become a right-wing blowhard bitching about my taxes– tonight.

        1. You’re a lying lefty; no reason to presume otherwise.

    2. “Discuss.”
      Yeah, shitbag, it’s a shame Stalin wasn’t hanged for what the USSR did to Poland.

  33. If my goddamn dog doesn’t stop eating my motherfucking ankle highs I’m going to throw the bitch in the snow.

    1. Hey, you can’t call her a…wait, she literally is.

      1. Notgkc, this doge bitch is a punkass sock eater with ballage and fuck him. TWO middle fingers into his pearly black eyes for EATING MY GODDAMN SOCK! Bitch is wagging his tail. FUCK YOU, NIGGA DAWG!

        1. OK, but please as a personal favor don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.

          1. I don’t see anything about Obama…

          2. Well, this is an impossible task, lovely NOTgkc I do so like GODDAMN.

  34. “AMMAN, Jordan (CNS) — With crises in Syria and Iraq deepening, Catholic bishops on a solidarity visit with the “forgotten” Christians of the Middle East are urging stepped-up peace efforts to resolve conflicts tearing apart the troubled region.

    “Highlighting the ongoing plight of Iraqi Christian refugees who face another winter of displacement, 18 months after fleeing persecution by Islamic State militants, is also their top concern….

    “Bishop [Declan] Lang [of Bristol, UK] has been leading 12 bishops from Europe, South Africa and North America on the third and final leg of a pilgrimage to encourage Christians in the Holy Land. Known as the Holy Land Coordination, the annual event was set up at the invitation of the Holy See at the end of the last century to offer support to local Christian communities of the Holy Land….

    “Stephen Colecchi, director of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Office of International Justice and Peace…said his office also has worked to encourage the U.S. to accept its “fair share of refugees” and “invest in more resources for countries, like Jordan, to cope with the refugee influx, so they are not destabilized.””

  35. I wonder if this is the same chocolate milk outfit that I recently saw the US lady soccer team shilling. I remember thinking, huh – that’s odd.

    1. Perhaps it’s the same chocolate milk outfit Lady Gaga was wearing at the Golden Globes?

  36. Hey, I’m on a roll; would that the NYT were half so interested in “donations” to Shrill’s “foundation”:

    “Ted Cruz Didn’t Disclose Loan From Goldman Sachs for His First Senate Campaign”
    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01…..epage&_r=0

    Shame on him for not reporting it on the proper forms; turns out it was reported but someone missed form 5-747-Y (5/97) or some such.
    And the NYT is upset he ran as a poor man, unlike Shrill who’s running as a rich-bitch, right?

    1. Shrill’s gone too far and you know it don’t matter anyway. She can depend on her old man’s money.

      1. Took me a minute, but I remember that…
        Nice.

        1. The Rs should play that song at their covention.

          1. Bernie should do a commercial with that as background to her claim to ‘being broke’, and he could add a chart showing reported income (with a clever note about how the foundation income isn’t included).
            Fucking Buffett doesn’t work the cushion shots like the Clintons.

          1. No, I didn’t and I’m not clicking on that. I’ve had an earworm of “I Do de Rock!” (Curry) for a day or so, and I don’t want to start a new one.

            1. Bird and the Bee is a guilty pleasure. Them and Camera Obscura.

              1. I despise her politics, but I’m a sucker for her voice; I’ll call that guilty pleasure:
                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Odd-yT9Qkw

          2. huh.

            I think its a cool thing to do. H&O deserve the props

            that said, i listened to 4 cuts and don’t think any of them actually inject anything ‘new’. At all. Which is kind of crazy. Its hard to really ‘cover’ anything without eventually your own style replacing parts of the original. But they don’t really do that at all. I guess its because of the programming form of production, that it erases the possibility of any spontaneous contribution / reinterpretation. If you really love the original material thought it should be something that inspires you, and produces something fresh.

            I’m actually thinking of a buddy of mine who was doing a singer/songwriter type gig one night (just vox and guitar) and asked for ‘requests’ and i jokingly said, “hall & oates”. (*he was doing sort of a laid-back, bon iver kind of show) He did a rendition of “i can’t go for that” that was just priceless. Fingerpicked on a spanish guitar, with a sooooper slow tempo, completely transformed it. And it was amazing.

            This is just ‘reproducing’ H&O. its like the same tunes played through a “modern” filter, but with little attempt at any creative transubstantiation.

  37. This is NOT a fucking decent Bowie song slipping like rocker cum into my ear. Even starships with legs and lips have shit that should be enjoyed only when close to death or on a sinking ship.

  38. Damn, the next fucking Bowie is hitting my neural jets like psycho madness lightnings spat from the orifices of those awkward planets way out there behind the pearly gates of existential smudging and shit.

    Bowie, peace out, masterful god of the estranged golden fringe where lonely spaceships hover empty, except for yours, dear sir. Fuck you, dead man- YOU ARE A KNIGHT!!!!!! of doomish squalor and fated streaming orgasmic tunnels snaking under the Normals peaceful dinners talking about repetitive bullshit with their picture perfect suburban families- as the squealing snaking labyrinth of hell smashed comet dirt under the clockworks of the above.

  39. Spermbots!

    Also, having sex twice within an hour could triple a man’s chance of becoming a father.

    1. Helping slow swimmers go faster? They must not be state funded. They would’ve put weights on the fast swimmers.

      1. Fucking power pile driver divin mothersun of the heavens bullets screaming into the canvases of the swamps, brah.

    1. The fucking only feminists in nature are in the human camp. Everywhere else, all shit would go to hell and jesus christ, you think the motherfucking Capitalists would make animals go extinct? Nah, Feminist animals would end all the animals. Period. Feminist tigers, hippos, birds, snakes, and owls would doom the animal males. Fuck goddamn big oil and asshole capitalists. NOTHING would kill the animal species likes motherfucking asshole specie Feminists.

      Bye-bye boy animals of all the millions of vagina fuckers out there in super round land. Ya’ll been raping for far too FUCKING GODDAMN LONG without that super feminist bullshit of rhetorical machination super duper Jesus let’s let magic intertwined language culture allow us to… touch. and then rinse repeat… can I eat your duck earlobe?… rinse repeat… can you eat my dog cock sleeve?… rinse repeat… ? You stole my chimp baby but I want to fuck your chimp vagina before I beat you to death can I do so? No?…. well, since I am a motherfucking chimp I don’t care- die bitch chimp and take my chimp dick.

      Shit, wait, yea… that is called actual animals trying the drug of stupid shit feminism. Yay.

  40. Notes trickle like drifting snowflakes, man. A goddamn good musician makes my lips turn to the drifting flakes within the tall cold oaks and grey horizons. The fucking miniature punches of a million snowflakes on my eyes searching the lakes of the cold are mighty and moving, bro.

  41. Peaceful organs of the outside clouds where spaceships live bravely send me sandwiches of puffy comet bulls spread between atomic cocaine mayo. Well, shit bitch that was nice. I am down wid dat, nigga.

  42. Yeah, I think if those super precious light birdie owls in the desert where humans can’t do jackshit because the owl boys have to fuck women owls were introduced to Yale feminists…. Yale humans feminists doctrines would PRECLUDE THE GODDAMN OWLS BOYS FROM FUCKING THE WOMEN OWLS….

  43. It’s fine. The quell of the human skin is the lightning fingers on the lit letters. aside trapped outside under the old moon. geek shone up like a bitch. assholes gettin’ fat and squishy. No fucking piss ass on fat and squishy ships with awesome logos. But fat assholes are squishy dicks. And fat lovely boys are hard dicks. Assholes are awesome when they are not actual humans.

  44. Fucking doves flew out of my bottle. Man wah day fuck

  45. The study is true. I’m lactose intolerant and when I drink chocolate milk I crap my brains out. No more concussion.

  46. My last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My sisters friend has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can’t believe how easy it was once I tried it out. This is what I do..

    Clik This Link inYour Browser…….

    ? ? ? ? http://www.WorkPost30.com

  47. WTF… someone actually took Men In Black III seriously. 😛

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.