The Volokh Conspiracy
Mostly law professors | Sometimes contrarian | Often libertarian | Always independent
From Muhammad v. Geller, filed in June but just now hitting the news:
the matter in which our sentences are executed is unconstitutional. We are subjected to cruel and unsual Punishment under the 8th amendment Farmer v. Brennan
Pamela Geller hates Muslims. Pamela Geller serves Pork to Muslim Inmates. Pamela Geller writes Cartoons in our Koran. Pamela Geller Rhymes with Pen and teller Making Fun of our Beards and Ankle plants. Pamela Gellar plans to Eat in Front of us During Ramadan. When we pray 5 days, Geller wears a Poke a Dot Bikini In Front of our eyes. We are offended. Pamela Geller is Anti Islamic She has Anti Islam tatted on her Naval Area and Islam with a Pig on her inner thigh. Pamela Geller Was Born in Mecca we are Denied Haj to Mecca our 5 pillars. We are scared Pamela Geller put a hit on us with the Aryan Brotherhood We seek Immediate release From prison. Our civil Rights are violated.
(Geller has done various video blogs while wearing a bikini and has a calendar with bikini pictures of herself; the bikini appears to be part of her criticism of Islam.)
The lawsuit was dismissed in September, because the plaintiffs failed to pay the required $400 filing fee (or, in place of the fee, provide evidence that they didn't have the money). Even if they refile, of course, the lawsuit would be promptly thrown out. And it's not clear that the named plaintiffs are even prisoners in Michigan; plaintiff "Rick Tocket Muhammad" gives the address for USA Today as his return address, and plaintiff "Wayde Albright" gives a Pennsylvania prison address, though I couldn't find anyone with his name or prisoner ID number on the Pennsylvania inmate locator.
I did, however, find several other cases—shall we call them "unlikely to be meritorious"?—in which a supposed prisoner named Wayne Albright, with the same address and prisoner number, has sued various other people. Here's my favorite (likewise rejected for procedural reasons):
As an American citizen of this Great Country The UNITED STATES I think its safe to say We as a Country are sick and tired of the Kardashians and most of all Kimberly and her self proclaimed best rapper rock star on the planet Kanye West. What we have here in these two individuals could and should be considered the worst pair of role models this world has ever seen. Kimberly Kardashian wants more than anything to be Beyonce and Kanye West could only dream of being half as good as Jay-Z….
As an American citizen of this great Country we all live in I find it my duty to step up and take one for the home team. Some one has to do it. Some one needs to let Kim and Kanye know that they are no longer welcomed in the Sunshine State of Florida.
I ask with all humility for this court to grant this motion preventing Kim Kardashian and Kanye West from ever stepping foot in the Great State of Florida again. Fother more I ask this court to ban these two Moose Knockles from appearing on any television programs aired in the state of Florida unless its court T.V. and their on trial for posing as a famous couple.
To the district court of Florida, you have your work cut out for you. this task America has placed on your shoulders won't be an easy one, but we all have faith in your ability to get the job done. So whatta say, make us all proud.
There you have it.