Christmas

Professor: Change 'Merry Christmas' to 'Happy Federal Holiday'

Over my dead body

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Dreamstime

A professor at the University of Central Florida thinks the safest way to greet other people during the Christmas season is to wish them a "Happy Federal Holiday."

That's right: not just happy holidays, but happy state-sanctioned, government-recognized holidays.

This bright idea belongs to Terri Fine, a professor of political science at the University of Central Florida, who recently penned a column outlining her vision:

My friends and I wish each other a "Happy Federal Holiday."

Happy Federal what? Because the U.S. government in some cases and the state government in others have identified certain days during the year as state and federal holidays, including those that fall during the late fall and winter season – Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day –we have no choice but to observe these holidays whether we want to or not.

Most everyone is included and no one is excluded no matter their religious beliefs or practices. The banks are closed, along with post offices, local, state and federal government offices, and state institutions such as UCF. As long as we live in the United States, these federal and state holidays impact us equally so we might as well celebrate them equally, too.

The upside to wishing each other a "Happy Federal Holiday" is that we have lots of opportunities to do so during the year and not just during the current "Holiday Season." We know that we are not being culturally insensitive by extending to someone a holiday greeting that has no meaning to them because they practice a different religion or no religion at all.

Note that Fine isn't forcing anyone to use her parlance. She's not censoring her students. She's not violating anyone's free speech rights. She can write as many columns advocating this position as she wants.

But, speaking as a libertarian, I am—dare I say it—offended by the idea that we would only wish each other a happy holiday in a manner that suggests we have the federal government's permission. Surely, that's manifestly worse than just saying, "Have a good one."

 Hat tip: The College Fix

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  1. “Happy Federal Holiday” should be observed in mandatory contemplation of the Freedom dispensed by our government.

    1. I wonder if this overeducated bitch feels the same way about Labor Day.

  2. I’d probably only say that if I was trying to be funny.

    If someone said it to me in earnest, I’d probably still laugh at them–just funny in a different way, I guess.

  3. Robbie,

    How do you get from Ms. Fine’s

    “we have no choice but to observe these holidays whether we want to or not.”

    to

    I am… offended by the idea that we would only wish each other a happy holiday in a manner that suggests we have the federal government’s permission.

    ?????

    Should call you Robbie “Knievel” Soave with logic jumps like that.

    1. Rico’s knuckles are about to make the leap to your nose.

    2. She works for a government. She literally has no choice.

      1. School is usually out by the time the holidays roll around, anyway. She’s on break at the time regardless.

    3. Uh, that’s not a logic jump. That’s two different people saying two different things.

  4. So is bootlicking a new tradition?

    1. How long until Barack Obama Day?

      1. Every day is Barack Obama Day, you insensitive clod!

        -jcr

      2. Whenever they get around to building his statue.

  5. Well, Robby, if this “Happy Federal Holiday” could be bound up with its own traditions such as prominent wood chipper displays and bands of roving carolers singing “F— You, Cut Spending!” it just might become my new favorite holiday.

    1. How about:
      Piss off ye merry boot-lick-ers/ this fed’ral hol-i-day
      Wood-chippers for ye statist pols/thieves of our hard earned pay

      ?

      1. You should correspond with Remy.

        1. Yeah, well…that was about all I could come up with, so I’ll let Remy handle it.

          But, thanks all the same.

      2. Put in something about

        To save us all from gov’ment power since it’s gone way astray

  6. Robby, thanks for sharing your family Christmas photos with us humble commentariat.

  7. “”We know that we are not being culturally insensitive by extending to someone a holiday greeting that has no meaning to them because they practice a different religion or no religion at all.”

    I’ve seen this movie already

    1. Generic comment reflecting mild approval at video choice.

      1. False humility, self-deprecating remark, inside-joke about Robby’s hair

        1. There is nothing generic about Robby’s hair.

          1. You’re just going to have to wait until human-hair marraige is legal.

            1. Human-hair marriage is how Donald Trump plans to Make America Great Again.

    2. They say there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East; no trees, no snow, no Santa Claus, they have different religious beliefs…

  8. We wish you a merry Christmas and a freer New Year

    Those who object can try to drown me out by singing the conclusion of Wittgenstein’s Tractatus to the tune of Good King Wenceslaus.

    1. I have been using “Happy Christmas” and “Merry New Year” since I was a kid and found it made grownups uncomfortable. I also think the adjectives fit better that way.

      1. I thought “happy Christmas” was a Brit thing.

  9. First person who says “happy federal holiday” to me is going to get “fuck off, slaver” in response.

    -jcr

  10. I posted this earlier today. Reason, late again.

  11. we have no choice but to observe these holidays whether we want to or not.

    will no one think of these tenured workaholics?

  12. Acknowledged Federal Day of Observance to you.

    1. “Observance” carries religious connotations and is thus exclusive, you clod.

  13. “The upside to wishing each other a “Happy Federal Holiday” is that we have lots of opportunities to do so during the year and not just during the current “Holiday Season.” We know that we are not being culturally insensitive by extending to someone a holiday greeting that has no meaning to them because they practice a different religion or no religion at all.”

    Well, the downside is that she’s a moron, based on her own premise. She’s condoning and perpetuating the federal government’s cultural insensitivity. That’s not just insensitive, it’s ironically stupid, and not even just because she’s a professor of political whatever.

    1. As a side note, extending a culturally specific friendly wish to people who do not adhere to that culture actually expresses that this culture wishes well even those who do not adhere to it. That’s more welcoming – inclusive – than a sterile, politically neutral federal government “wish”.

      “As long as we live in the United States, these federal and state holidays impact us equally so we might as well celebrate them equally, too.”

      No. Some of these holidays are based on predominant religious and religion-inspired secular events, such as Christmas.

      “The upside to wishing each other a “Happy Federal Holiday” is that we have lots of opportunities to do so during the year and not just during the current “Holiday Season.””

      Yeah, brilliant. The correct conclusion to the premise here would be (exclusively) wishing each other a “happy day”, because there are about 365 – lots more – opportunities to so during the year and not just during Federal Holiday days.

  14. “…a professor of political science…”

    Naaah!

  15. we have no choice but to observe these holidays whether we want to or not.

    ‘Not working on’ does not equal observing, I’m off for the next few days, I am not, however, observing christmas, no presents, no tree, no turkey or ham or spaghetti, or whatever special feast you jerks enjoy on X-mas, no caroling, no nothing joyous or happy what-so-ever. I hate these asses that give the ‘war on christmas’ crowd any ammunition. Don’t like Christmas? shut the fuck up and don’t celebrate christmas. It’s that easy.

    1. Great comment. I am an atheist but I love Christmas.

      1. Me, too, and it doesn’t bother me in the least if some folks want to co-opt it for there religious purposes.

    2. I have no choice but to observe the rite of the weekend.

  16. Who is the chick in the pic? She looks familiar, but I can’t place her.

      1. I didn’t recognize her with clothes on.

  17. Talk about putting the cart before the goddamn horse. We don’t say “Happy Federal Holiday” because we’re not celebrating the Federal holiday; the Federal holiday is there because we’re celebrating something else. This moron probably thinks that people get a year older because we wish them Happy Birthday.

    1. Kinda missing the point there, guy.

      1. No. ‘Federal Holidays’ are selected. They’re no random. Instead, they’re often based on – tied to – religious celebrations, such as Christmas. When you wish “Happy Federal Holidays”, you affirm and perpetuate this selectivity, this discrimination, and exclusion. I’m not arguing against Christmas. This simply describes how silly her analysis is.

  18. Happy Federal Suck My Cock Day, slaver!

    1. Now I want to meet that woman so I can say that to her.

  19. Is there no end to these silly people trying to prove they have some revelance. You are born you live until you die and then within 1 generation you are forgotten. So get over yourself and spare the public your senseless bull.

  20. NOTHING CAN EXIST OUTSIDE THE GOVERNMENT

  21. MERRY CHRISTMAS, SLAVERS!

  22. I think this whole argument really speaks to the issue with the progressive social justice movement. It’s not about acceptance, but about establishing a new norm. It’s not enough that people approach things with good intentions and mean well. No, they have to be…politically correct and tow the line set by progressives. This doesn’t get put out there enough, but the stupid holiday crap really reveals it. So someone says Merry Christmas to someone who doesn’t observe Christmas. They genuinely mean well and don’t mean to cause offense, but this means nothing to progs. It’s not about politeness and basic human decency but redefining what it that is entirely. If something is done in good faith, I’m unaware of any culture that finds that unacceptable besides the progressive one.

    No one is actually offended by this shit besides people who have been told to be outraged.

    1. ONLY THROUGH UNIFORMITY OF LANGUAGE AND THUS THOUGHT CAN WE ESCAPE OPPRESSION AND ACHIEVE TRUE DIVERSITY

      1. George Orwell couldn’t have said it better.

    2. If something is done in good faith, I’m unaware of any culture that finds that unacceptable besides the progressive one.

      Hell, people in this site’s culture take offense to being stolen from — being taxed — even if the statists doing it act in good faith, thinking it is fair and right and good to do so and will help people.

      1. It’s a funny definition of good faith since very few ‘statists’ or progs who now love taxes intend to pay them themselves. No, it’s someone else who is to do the paying. This is why you here Democratic politicians using the now cliched talk of closing tax loopholes everytime the subject comes up.

        Your post was not in good faith, if I do say so.

  23. It all sounded ironic to me, so it’s funny that there are some people getting pissed about it here.

  24. You know, there’s something i don’t get about people like this. Is it that they have some weird sort of masochism that they need everybody to think they’re an asshole and an idiot? Or is it that they really live in such a bubble that they think everyone’s going to be impressed with what an awesome idea that is?

    1. It’s the whole hipness treadmill thing. They have to keep trying to be edgier than anyone else. When the others move to their position, they have to redefine their stance to reclaim the moral superiority.

      You know, morons.

  25. You know, there’s something i don’t get about people like this. Is it that they have some weird sort of masochism that they need everybody to think they’re an asshole and an idiot? Or is it that they really live in such a bubble that they think everyone’s going to be impressed with what an awesome idea that is?

  26. You know, there’s something i don’t get about people like this. Is it that they have some weird sort of masochism that they need everybody to think they’re an asshole and an idiot? Or is it that they really live in such a bubble that they think everyone’s going to be impressed with what an awesome idea that is?

    1. You’re really not getting it, are you?

      1. I guess not. I suppose I’m just not sufficiently versed in the ways of moronic asshole.

  27. You can say that again….

  28. On that note, why isn’t the word “Holiday” exclusionary, considering the root word is “Holy”?

    So shouldn’t it be more like a “Relaxation Day”, as in “Happy Federal Relaxation Day, Citizen.”

  29. Someone in a store said “God bless and merry Christmas” to me. I somehow resisted the urge to explode any bombs and shoot the place up.

  30. Every work day, all year long, I hear a large percentage of my customers tell me to have a blessed day.

    Since I am not in the business of pissing off possible repeat business, I don’t reply with and may Cthulhu eat you first.

    1. Sellout! The great old one will not forgive such transgressions.

  31. “A professor at the University of Central Florida thinks the safest way to greet other people during the Christmas season is to wish them a “Happy Federal Holiday.”

    Why can’t people just give holiday greetings from their own point of view? The receiver of said greeting is then free to take it as intended or get offended, that’s on them. I don’t give a fuck if someone would rather hear “Happy Kwanzaa,” or “Happy Raging Hemorrhoid Day,” it isn’t on me to guess out of thin air what they believe in or are offended by. I have no malicious intent with my greetings and I really don’t care that someone may twist that into some self-deluded micro aggression. Again, that’s on them.

    That said, the professor in this case is more that free to use whatever greeting he chooses.

  32. I get totally pissed off when Jews wish me happy hannukah.

    Wait, no I don’t.

  33. we have no choice but to observe these holidays whether we want to or not.

    Silly bint has never worked a restaurant job? Or any of a thousand other jobs where you have to work long hours to cater to these silly buggers who come in on the middle of Christmas day, and are all like “It’s terrible that they make you work on the holiday” when you are there to check out their sorry butts?

  34. “we have no choice but to observe these holidays whether we want to or not.”

    Damn it! as a member of the capitalist class I am forced to observe Labor Day by observing all those orphan children I employ while they take a day off rather than not observing them because they are out-of-sight slaving away down in those nasty dangerous asbestos mines I own.

  35. Easter is not a federal, state or local holiday, yet I hear many people wishing others a ‘Happy Easter’. I do not hear of people getting all upset about that.

    1. Sooner or later, you will.

  36. That’s actually pretty fucking creepy.

  37. I wonder how badly she’d freak if you responded with “Qapla’!”,

  38. YOU ARE PROVIDING USEFUL INFORNALTION. KEEP IT UP.
    Happy Thanksgiving 2017

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