TSA

Ho! Ho! Ho! Get Your Ass in That Body Scanner, Santa!

Right before the holidays, TSA changes the rules to stop some from opting for pat-downs.

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And yet, if you show up at the airport naked, people get all sorts of upset.
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Prepare to be body-scanned, holiday travelers. Oh, you think you're going to opt out in favor of a less-intrusive pat-down? Think again.

Quietly, on December 18, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced a change of the rules for the use of body scanning technology at airport security systems across the country. Now, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) can opt out of letting you opt out of using the body scanners. That is to say, they can decide—for reasons!—that you must go through the body scanners. Julia Angwin, an investigative reporter from ProPublica, made note of the rule change last night on Twitter. From the newly published rules:

"While passengers may generally decline [Advanced Imaging Technology] AIT screening in favor of a physical screening, TSA may direct mandatory AIT screening for some passengers as warranted by security considerations in order to safeguard transportation security."

The report does not indicate what sort of "security considerations" may prompt the TSA to decide who may or may not opt out of screenings, so add yet another element of pure randomness to your adventures through security theater. The DHS makes sure to repeatedly point out, though, that the body scanners are no longer showing your naked bodies, but generic images with any locations of anything that scans as unusual highlighted for further review.

Mind you, the TSA is being sued by the Competitive Enterprise Institute (CEI), the National Center of Transgender Equality, and the Rutherford Institute because they've deployed these body scanners before completing their federal rule-making process in the first place. This new documentation notes that the TSA "expects" to publish its final rules on the use of the body scanner machines in 2016, years after they started using them.

In September, Reason (and many other media outlets) made note of the humiliating experience of Shadi Petosky, a transgender television writer and producer (her cartoon, Danger & Eggs, was just picked up by Amazon) who got caught up and humiliated by TSA employees who did not know how to react to the difference between her female appearance and the fact that she had a penis, which triggered an alert from the body scanner. In response, TSA representatives assured that they would improve the system for handling transgender travelers. It doesn't appear that much has changed, though. She tweeted about going through a similar humiliating ordeal at Puerto Rico's airport with TSA agents earlier this December.

Enjoy your holidays, Americans. But make sure to do so in such a way that doesn't make low-level federal employees nervous or even slightly confused:

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  1. The DHS makes sure to repeatedly point out, though, that the body scanners are no longer showing your naked bodies, but generic images with any locations of anything that scans as unusual highlighted for further review.

    Who gives a fuck? Not the problem at all. The scanners make the constant 4A violations all but invisible to the average person. I want everyone waiting in line to see what the TSA is really doing?to all of them, not just those of us who opt out.

  2. Merry Christmas to all.

    Spread the good news of liberty to all whom you encounter!

  3. I always make those idiots pat me down. This doesn’t change anything. Fuck you, you high school dropout, shut up and feel my dick.

    1. Warty, you make it sound as if it isn’t a treat for them to pat you down. I would imagine that they would particularly relish patting you down.

      1. My buttocks are a pleasure to squeeze. It’s true.

        1. I heard a TSAgent lost part of a finger in there once when you flexed while they were patting you down.

          1. The rim is a fickle hellcat. Love her, but never trust her.

      2. Like with the alt-text, Warty gives the pat-down only one thumbs-up. But it’s way, way up there.

    2. “shut up and feel my dick”

      Great song name.

      1. Yes, but is it fair to expect those TSA molesters to be quiet while they fondle Warty’s jewels?

        1. Persuant to the welcome orders of our new alien City Council , New York City TSA will maintain a corps of giant transsexual centipedes to search council members and passengers who identify as pre-op cis-lunatics like themselves.

    3. I’m an opt-outer too. I make sure to sneer at all the people who go through the rapiscan while waiting to get fondled.

      It has gotten better since I have gotten PreCheck, but you still get pulled out randomly every so often.

      This is going to end badly for me. I’m sure the rule where they can force you to use the scanner is going to be invoked every time the fucking slugs at the TSA are just too lazy to do a pat down.

      1. I don’t opt out, but that’s probably the “security considerations” that will be used to decide to foreclose opting out in most cases.

        It would be interesting to see how many generically attractive people are allowed to opt out compared to the, uh, less so.

  4. I’m not submitting to those scanners under any circumstance.

    1. As if you can afford a plane ticket anyway…

  5. I always get scanned and groped. Then they swab down my computer testing for explosives.

    1. I refuse to set foot in an airport.

      I reload and shoot quite a bit. I doubt any of my clothing or belongings is free from residue.

      1. Same here. Haven’t flown anywhere since they started using the scanners.

      2. I didn’t even think of that. I do a bit of shooting most Saturdays, so I imagine I’d swab positive for explosive residue and have to endure extra scrutiny. No. Fucking. Way. Kinda sucks because the flying part doesn’t bother me. But I’m not going to prove my innocence to a bunch of high school dropouts. Fuck that.

        1. EVERY part about flying commercial, absolutely sucks! Every bit of it.

          I AM NOT CATTLE!

          Anyone else pissed that we are still paying for luggage with oil under $35/b?

          1. Last time I set foot on a plane was to go to Vegas for the Millennium. That was one heck of a party.

            1. Only do it if I absolutely have to.

          2. It would take some special circumstances for me to check bags regularly again but I sure as heck wouldn’t mind if everyone else went back.

            I hate hate hate getting my stuff together to deplane and waiting as every row slowly decides to finally stand up and then start pulling their stuff out. If someone has their shit together and can move forward, let them! Then block the aisle. Don’t wait until the cleaners show up to finally start thinking about moving.

            Every time I fly, I almost wish for universal national service just to get these fuckwards trained in loading and unloading themselves from a small container in the proper amount of time.

            1. Amen Brother!

              I bitch about this all the time. I watch a 100 lb woman try to manhandle a 80 pound suitcase down from the overhead and wonder how the airline thinks they are doing any good by charging for bags. Sure you might get a few hundred extra dollars for checked bags, but now enplaning and deplaning takes an extra half hour. How much does that cost?

          3. “I AM NOT CATTLE!”

            You are tax cattle.

            Say it with me now: moo.

        2. Prove your innocence? You’ve got that backward…You are innocent until they can prove you’re guilty. The burden of proof is on them.

          Wait, what? Oh, never mind!

        3. Once I took a friend trap shooting. We shot two rounds of trap then he mentioned that he was flying out that night on a business trip. Uh….shit. It wasn’t a problem; he sailed right through. But given TSA’s craptastic 5% success rate of finding bombs by undercover agents going through TSA checkpoints, getting through a few hours after firing a shotgun 50 times is not a real big surprise.

      3. I refuse to set foot in an airport.

        I flew to Europe this summer. I was able to catch a direct flight from Vancouver to Amsterdam, but coming back I had to go through Seattle. The US apparently doesn’t give out transit visas anymore: I was forced to enter the US, go through ICE. I was charged around $80 for the ‘privilege’ to be treated nastily by an Immigration officer. To say that I did not appreciate the scam is an understatement.

    2. I love flying out of desert/agrarian communities when they insist on swabbing and testing any powder (a.k.a. dust) that you have on your boots, clothes or luggage.

  6. “doesn’t make low-level federal government employees nervous or even slightly confused.”
    FTFY.

  7. I got sick as a dog flying overseas. The customs agent decided I looked like a good candidate for extra scrutiny. After asking me to empty my pockets, I produced wads of tissue. He called a buddy over and they carefully unrolled the first one. I don’t know what he thought he had found, but he quickly wave me through.

    1. That was nice of them to let your contagious ass back in the country…filthy mammal

    2. Check out Patient Zero over here.

      1. Get a load of me. Naw, it was snot. Really.

        1. Odds the agents bothered putting on another pair of gloves before feeling up more travelers and rooting through their luggage? I’m guessing twenty to one, and only because they had a union mandated break coming up.

  8. Don’t fly. I’d lose my temper and get myself arrested if I had to go through that shit.

    1. WE ARE NOT CATTLE!

      1. Then we need to stop acting like it.

        Wake up, sheeple!

  9. And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass through that body scanner tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

    1. I wonder if that was the same squirrelz that causes so many problems here…

  10. as warranted by security considerations in order to safeguard transportation security.

    That one never gets old.

  11. ) who got caught up and humiliated by TSA employees who did not know how to react to the difference between her female appearance and the fact that she had a penis

    Been there, right, fellas?

    1. Let he/she who has never been mistaken for transgender cast the first stone.

    2. ‘Fooled in the Phillipines’

      Good porn title?

    3. “I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but I only enjoy touching one penis. Mine.”

  12. I am considering subjecting myself to PreCheck or Global Entry. I am a very infrequent flyer who has had a TS clearance for more than half of my life, yet my supplemental screening rate is worse than 1 in 3. I get my hands wiped for explosive residue and questioning, sometimes in a back room. There’s no percentage in being a middle-aged, middle-class white-boy any more.

    1. PreCheck is awesome if you can get it. Keep your shoes and belt on. Don’t have to take anything out of your carry on bags. Just breeze on through. The line is usually shorter too. I highly recommend it.

      1. The sad thing is that the PreCheck process is simply the old way of doing things.

        1. Except you voluntarily submit to a government background check?

          Which is based on the transparently false premise that no one who ever passed a background check ever committed a crime?

          1. Is it really voluntary at all, if your choices are to never fly or have your constitutional rights violated by government thugs just because you want to get on a plane? It’s voluntary in the same way that living in your current house is voluntary; the government could simply declare that the constitution is null and void in the particular area you live, and then claim that you voluntarily gave up your rights because you don’t have to live there and yet chose to stay.

            The fact that our courts haven’t recognized that the TSA is unconstitutional just means they are traitor who are attempting to overthrow our constitutional form of government.

      2. Precheck is “awesome” until you consider that it’s just worthless government thugs giving you the ‘choice’ between getting molested by their thugs or submitting to an invasive background check.

        I’m not going to applaud this. The only constitutional way to fix this would be to abolish the TSA entirely.


  13. I’m not submitting to those scanners under any circumstance.

    I haven’t flown since 2003. Fuck the TSA, DHS, and the entire alphabet soup of idiocy and security theater.

  14. I prefer the scanner to the metal detector/pat down. I always set off the metal detector, resulting in a full patdown, but I go right through the body scanner. After learning that I can always opt in in to the scanner, even if it is roped off, I go that way every time. Pisses the TSA guys off since they have to call for “female assist” but missing the TSA off is icing on the cake.

    The whole experience is rather silly though and doesn’t really do much good.

    1. There’s a radomizer on the metal detector that triggers a false alert to test the smurfs’ handling of real failures but if you’re triggering it every time, why not just stop wearing whatever metal is tripping the detector? Fuck the nudie scope.

      1. Look, captive-bead nipple rings are a bitch to take out, alright?

        1. Yeah right. You’re just trying to sneak dangerous quantities of metal onto the aircraft for nefarious purposes. I bet you buy 3.5 ounce containers for your liquids.

      2. Not wearing the metal would require the aid of a surgeon. But yeah, otherwise good advice.

        1. Can I just say that handle is fantastic?

  15. North Korea’s Abduction Project (by way of AoSHQ)

    On the evening of July 31, 1978, Kaoru Hasuike and his girlfriend, Yukiko Okudo, rode bikes to the summer fireworks festival at the Kashiwazaki town beach. They whisked down the winding lanes of their coastal farming village, a hundred and forty miles north of Tokyo. Then they parked their bikes and made their way past a crowd of spectators to a remote stretch of sand. As the first plumes rose in the sky, Kaoru noticed four men approaching. Cigarette in hand, one of them asked him for a light. As he reached into his pocket, the men attacked, gagging the couple, binding their hands and legs. “Keep quiet and we won’t hurt you,” one of the assailants said. Kaoru and Yukiko were thrown into separate sacks and loaded onto an inflatable raft. Peering through the sack’s netting, Kaoru saw the warm, bright lights of Kashiwazaki City fading into the background.

  16. Should also be mentioned that the rapiscan is worse than the regular metal detectors.

    http://www.wired.com/2014/08/s…..-scanners/

    1. Yep, that’s why the Europeans have resisted US pressure to use them for all airport screening.

  17. Last time I flew, on the outbound leg, I was late to the airport and caved. I went through the scanner instead of opting out. I got groped anyway.

    On my return leg, I met whatever criteria the airline uses to dole out PreCheck. It both brought me joy and sadness. Joy because I could go through airport security like in the old days, sadness because I could go through airport security like in the old days and the old days never should have ended.

  18. “The report does not indicate what sort of “security considerations” may prompt the TSA to decide who may or may not opt out of screenings”

    BFYTW.

  19. I haven’t flown in years, but any time i can’t get a date, I like to go to the airport for some fondling.
    Seriously, though, it is bull shit. It doesn’t do anything but inconvenience innocent people, and provide jobs to lazy jerks who couldn’t get a job as a cop jackbooted thug.
    But, by now, the TSA has become permanent, and will never be disbanded. The ratchet only goes one direction.

  20. “Security considerations” = Security considers. simple.

  21. Ho! Ho! Ho! Get Your Fat Ass [oh no, I’ve just “othered” and “body shamed” Santa!] Ass in That Body Scanner, Santa!

  22. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
    This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.buzznews99.com

  23. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
    This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.buzznews99.com

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