6 Fictional Lands We Should Bomb Once We're Done With Agrabah
In a new poll, 30 percent of Republican voters said we should bomb Agrabah-a land you might remember from the Disney movie Aladdin.
Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb… Agrabah? While U.S. airstrikes in Syria continue to dominate foreign-policy headlines, the Republican electorate won't so easily forget about another Middle Eastern menace. According to a new poll from Public Policy Polling, 30 percent of Republican voters nationally support bombing Agrabah. Just 13 percent are opposed, while the rest remain unsure.
Agrabah, for the record, is not actually a real country. It's the name of the magical kingdom where the Disney movie Aladdin takes place.
Results of more serious questions from the same poll are too depressing—more than a quarter of Republican voters think Islam should be illegal in America; almost half support the creation of a national database of Muslims; and "looking back," only 49 percent think Japanese internment camps during WWII were a bad idea—so let's just stay in the realm of make believe, shall we? Here's are six more fictional enemies we've got our eye on…
Can you really trust a country where women's eyes take up half of their faces and the snow talks?
I don't want to live in a world where we can't even trust our children alone with wardrobes.
That's a nice isolated European country ruled by a paranoid, evil dictator you've got there. It would be a shame if someone had to force a violent regime change…
The great Tyrannosaurus menace must be contained!
CANDYLAND
Obesity epidemic, hello.
We will not capitulate to radical Orc extremism.
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We need to bomb the adjacent planets in the polycosm before they assault ours with their nuclear bomb-propelled space ark.
I didn't expect you to be an anti-Romany bigot, Elizabeth.
You'll notice she didn't advocate bombing Genosha or Attilan.
I bet she supports registration as well.
Just of Gypsy, Tramps, and Thieves.
"Do not fear me gypsy, all I want from you is your tears. Please give them to me or I will take them."
---- Elizabeth Nolan Brown
As a racist libertarian, I'm shocked she didn't advocate bombing Wakanda.
Nah, she's down with the BBPC.
Really, people? Nothing?
That was gold, Reason. Gold!.
I smelled what you were stepping in, HM.
Genosha was a desolate pile of rubble, last I recall. Cyclops's Utopia is a bigger threat.
Cyclops was right
or ?nderland!
Doom is much-beloved by his people and would make a very powerful enemy if we incurred his wrath.
Looks like someone already bombed the alt-text.
First one was "Would"
Nice.
Would.
Not a Disney girl but best way to enjoy Tequila
30% huh. That sounds familiar.
I say we bomb Xanth. It looks like Florida, and that's good enough reason for me.
-1 Spell for Chameleon
We took care of Xen, thankfully... I think.
I thought only 13 year old girls and meh read Xanth...
So, which one of those are you?
Friend of mine found Agrabah on a map. It's in Disney World, but I couldn't tell if it was close enough to "It's A Small World After All" to justify bombing it.
Many a year ago, I got stuck on that ride.
For something like 30 minutes.
Of that Godforsaken song.
With my Grandma.
Sitting in that boat.
Just me and Nana.
I couldn't just abandon ship and "swim" for an exit.
Nor could I cuss. At the time.
Fuck It's A Small World.
Dammit.
A whole list of fictional lands that could use a good bombing, and Canada's not on it?
Bomb Narnia. It's nothing but freaks over there.
The T-rex rulers of the Land Before Time are just mad because their own sexual inadequacies make them resent any society that isn't as prudish as they are.
SFW
It has to be Westeros. Ice zombies in the north. Wild savages in the north. Religious fanatics in King's Landing. The Freys. Ramsay Bolton. The Greyjoys. Littlefinger. Sister fuckers and daughter fuckers. A crazy girl from the east with her army of dragons, eunuchs, and one dwarf. Melisandre. Undead Jon Snow. Three-eyed crow. The Undead Mountain.
It's one fucked up place.
Leave Melisandre alone, she's redeemable.
She's attractive and she's easy, and you might get yourself a badass shadow-baby-assassin out of the deal, but she also has no compunction about burning people alive. Mess with her and you are literally playing with fire.
So you're saying she's over the hot/crazy line?
By half a hundred leagues, yes.
My judgement sucks in this particular area. Might explain my scars.
Do you know who else is attractive and easy?
No seriously, a list would be great. Non-fiction only please.
Start here.
Would, but prolly not gonna look like that when she gets out.
I'd rather have been preyed on by the one in Utah.
How about Indian Natalie Portman?:
http://goo.gl/VT0M77
She literally caused a child to be burned at the stake. I think that's even beyond redemption for libertarians.
Such a waste of inexpensive labor.
She wasn't quite an orphan yet though.
The greatest threat is Endor. Must bomb before those Ewoks start seducing our womenfolk.
Yub Yub
It's one of them! Get him!!!
Yub nub! As in
Or
That's probably the best rap song you've ever linked to.
No, this is.
You never fail to deliver HM:)
On a scale of 1-to-dihydrogen monoxide, i rank this poll Super-Duper-Enlighteningish
I'll vote for bombing any Disney movie. 'cept Steamboat Willie - that mouse can dance & whistle!
Bambi was a cool movie. It was fucking metal too.
So we did secure the missle base in Parmistan?
"Parmistan we bombed so good!"
And I have an earworm now.
Sorry. 😎
When your propaganda songs are just like ISIS's....
*giggle* Well, isn't it ironic....
I fear this whole thread will be bombed by the geek army
Now can we get a poll asking registered Democrats whether "Umbrella Corporation" should be nationalized or whether Norman Osborn, CEO of Oscorp Pharmaceuticals, should be indicted?
Seriously. The media loves to float stories like this about stupid ol' Republicans, but the truth of the matter is most Americans are pretty illiterate on these issues. You just rarely see the ones that are unflattering to Democrats.
You just rarely see the ones that are unflattering to Democrats.
I call that an election.
Democrats are all really smart and stuff. I read it in The New York Times, so it must be true.
well, all the poorest states are republican, and all the greatest entrepreneurs are democrats, so it makes sense.
For most pollsters, it simply does not occur to them that Democrats would believe anything irrational.
PPP is a lefty trolling operation. I'm sure they worked hard to scrape the bottom of the barrel when polling the "typical representative Republican demographic".
There's a good reason for that.
http://www.joseduarte.com/blog.....al-science
Don't be silly.
You know damn well there is supposed to be double standard about these sorts of things.
Nuke Pandora from orbit.
We can send robots down to mine the unobtanium.
Seriously, that was the dumbest fucking movie. Unobtanium? Really?
It was stoopider than I thought it would be when I saw it for the first time this summer.
Hippie science fiction. It sucks.
It was Disney's Pocahontas but with aliens. Pedantic, unoriginal, and predictable.
More like "Dances With Wolves", but yeah.
Those were pretty much the same movie.
I always refer to Avatar as Dances with Smurfs for that very reason.
^this
And wildlife with USB ports.
I thought it was more Fern Gully than anything. Just as animated too.
As long as the robots grab some Eridium as well, I need some e-techs.
Pandora is a place?
I though Pandora was a woman with a box.
She was named after the planet full of problems.
/end oblivious
A woman AND her box...
I'm sorry but any poll like this that omits Klendathu is just ridiculous
I'm from Buenos Aires and I say Kill 'em All!
Remember folks bombing countries causes people to hate us and attack us. And bringing in a few hundred thousand refugees from a country we are currently bombing is a moral imperative and presents no risk of terrorism whatsoever.
We need a Final Solution to the Muslim Problem. Do you have any suggestions?
I'm thinking invite them hear and put them on welfare.
Invite them hear what?
Warty and SF sing the blues.
Hear Jesus of course.
Since Muslims are no threat to anyone, why would we? What is the problem we need to solve?
Hmm, like maybe put them all in a central location so we can keep an eye on them? Like a series of camps?
It is the logical conclusion of any attempt to keep track of them.
And armbands. Armbands are a proven solution.
What about tattoos and haircuts?
Send them all to Saudi Arabia.
They have facilities set up for millions of vistors for the Haj.
If I were a viral marketer, I'd set up some hashtag for "donate your Haj to a refugee" which would shame Muslims into letting the refugees have those tents.
The GOP is right. Those were mainly shitty movies.
Why are we bombing Agrabah, when we're still threatened by Eastasia's nukes? This is why we need smarter diplomacy.
We have always been at war with Agrabah!
Well, we've always been at war with Eastasia. Not like that's gonna change.
I say we shag-carpet bomb Freedonia!
Cuz 'freedom' is our word. This fucking cultural appropriation will not stand!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dsw9jYU_rJI
I once bombed Freedonia in my pajamas
What were your bombs doing wearing pajamas in Freedonia?
I can't find the poll, is there a link, as opposed to a tweet about it?
http://www.publicpolicypolling.....esults.pdf
That's the results of 532 Rep. primary voters
Wasn't up on their site yet earlier, but it's there now: http://www.publicpolicypolling.....esults.pdf
Dems don't do much better on this question: http://twitter.com/ppppolls/st.....5749177345
I guess bombing a fictional land is better than bombing a real one anyways:)
Please leave Imaginationland alone!
http://www.publicpolicypolling.....esults.pdf
On the tweet there is a link to a pdf. Page 5 of the PDF. Don't know reliability of source. Fun game though.
Here's the link
http://www.publicpolicypolling.....esults.pdf
We're all so helpful:)
I need at least 15 links to find it, can we please step it up.
Stuff like this is why a simple quiz should be required before voting.
At least I'd feel like my vote was being canceled by someone somewhat informed.
That straight up voter suppression. Why don't you just put on your white hood and ride into the night?
We do that every night. Let's do something else for a change.
That straight up voter suppression.
RACIST!
Topeka. Bomb the fuck out of that worthless shithole!
Where were you yesterday?
http://www.wibw.com/home/headl.....36971.html
Jesus, somebody throws out a pressure cooker, and everyone's pants get to meet what they had for dinner last night. Sounds like Topeka.
Looks like SOMEBODY just incriminated the hell out of himself!
I've met a number of people who live/d in Topeka. Without exception, everyone who was born there loves it and everyone who moved them from somewhere else hated it.
As they say, ignorance is bliss:)
I have no problem with bombing Topeka, but I just want to make sure they don't miss and hit KC (that's where I live! Well, Olathe but close enough)
I lived in the old part of Olathe (a few blocks from city hall) most of the time I was in grad school.
Spent a couple years in Overland Park when I was growing up. Pretty decent place compared to most anywhere I've lived since.
Problem with OP when I lived there was the traffic. Working anywhere near Metcalf meant not going out for lunch because you would use your whole time getting there.
I was in KC when I was a kid once visiting old friends of my parents. Only MLB game I've been to outside of Ohio. Only time I ever broke a bone. Well it was a fracture but I guess it counts. Great vacation:)
And Reason continues its slide into progressive nitwittery.
It's just too too much fun to bathe ourselves in smug elitist contempt, and sneer and jeer at the flyover Neanderthals.
And Reason continues its slide into progressive nitwittery.
It's just too too much fun to bathe ourselves in smug elitist contempt, and sneer and jeer at the flyover Neanderthals.
Yes, their bias does seem be falling below the hemline lately. But at least they aren't being hysterical or pantshittering.
It truly is outrageous that Reason, a libertarian site, would make fun of Republican idiocy.
The entire premise of libertarianism is that Republicans have some things right and some very wrong. If they were totally right, why would libertarians even exist?
Nonaggression towards other nations is generally understood to be one of those differences. Here is an example why.
I still vote Republican often - and I find it completely reasonable for Reason to highlight bad attitudes toward liberty and nonaggression in the Republican party.
Disagreeing is one thing, sneering, smug condescension is another.
A mad sultan with a genie doing his bidding seems like a pretty enormous risk to national security to me. I think American intervention in Agrabah is more warranted than it was in Libya.
When are we invading Ruritania?
Never, that's Russia's sphere of influence.
Giedi Prime. Fuck the Harkonnens.
The entire Empire. It's just the Ottoman Empire in space.
That book was so badly done that I ended up rooting for the fat pedophile because the other characters were too insufferable.
Fucking character development, how does it work?
I read to the end, and I hated them more by that point. They developed into even worse people!
Kolechia. Glory to Arstotzka!
Cobrastan is not a real country.
I would like to see some common sense magical lamp regulations.
You want my assault Jinn? Molon labe, fucker!
Nobody NEEDS 3 wishes.
Salusa Secundus, it is past time to break House Corrino.
Uh, I think the US is Salusa Secondus by analogy.
Fucking Sardaukar! But I think we start with those Bene Gesserit witches.
Speaking of Frozen, enjoy this somewhat demotivational rendition of "Let It Go".,
"Let it Go" performed by the Montreal Canadiens. Cringe.
One does not simply fly into Mordor.
That's just because they have good anti-air defenses.
Well only an idiot would walk.
LOL! This is more a statement of the education system in general than the stereotype of ignorant redneck republicans this highly partisan author wants to promote. The sad truth is that progressives have done such a *wonderful* job after decades of monopolistic control of our public education system that according to National Geographic 1 out of 10 Americans can't even find AMERICA on a map!!! Abysmal. So if you're ignorant of geography and history, it's easy for some biased polling outfit out to get a "gotchya -- you SUCK!" result to promote themselves and do some divisive virtue signalling.
And as a bonus follow-up to the Japanese Internment Question: Which President and Political Party violated the rights of hundreds of thousands of Japanese-Americans, illegally seizing their property and imprisoning them in concentration camps?
Hint...it's not Republicans.
Seriously, we need a much more aware and educated citizenry not only so cheap shot artists like Ms. Brown have a tougher time dividing us, but more Americans can make more informed decisions about their Rights and the Nation's future.
As the risk of splitting hairs here, the survey measured PRIMARY voters, i.e. REGISTERED Republicans.
Only about 23 per cent of American voters are registered Republicans.
Clearly, there are a lot more Republican VOTERS than there are registered Republicans.
I'm just sayin'...
Contrary to their tweeting ...
http://www.publicpolicypolling.....121715.pdf
Page 71:
% Support/oppose/dunno bombing Agrabah:
All: 30 / 13 / 57
Very Liberal: 24 / 45 / 31
Somewhat liberal: 50 / 10 / 39
Contrary to their tweeting ...
http://www.publicpolicypolling.....121715.pdf
Page 71:
% Support/oppose/dunno bombing Agrabah:
All: 30 / 13 / 57
Very Liberal: 24 / 45 / 31
Somewhat liberal: 50 / 10 / 39 - THE WINNER.
Moderate: 35 / 16 / 49
Somewhat Conservative: 25 / 12 / 63
Very Conservative: 31 / 11 / 58
I'd love to see a poll where they ask a bunch of progtards and/or college students (redundant?) if they think we should ban women's suffrage. Jimmy Kimmel pulled this trick a long time ago on the old Man Show...he set up a table at some heavily trafficked location and asked people if they wanted to "ban women's suffrage." I was going to say it was amazing how many people signed, but it wasn't really that amazing...just nut-punchingly expected.
What about Andalasia? Those fuckers pop out of sewers from a magical cartoon realm! They could attack us anywhere!
What about Ruritania? King Rufolf clearly can't be relied upon to hold the line against Soviet - er, Russian - aggression in eastern Europe. Much better to put him out of the way with a precision strike. Then his brother Michael can take over, he's wanted the job for years, and can be expected to be suitably grateful. And if he's not...well, Strelsau is only a short flight from Lakenheath and Mildenhall.
Or Freehold, Iowa... home of the Landover Baptist Church.
It was right mighty decent if you to intentionally omit the fact that the same poll also had a 19% favorable result from Democrats, ma'am.
Another gem from the same poll: 28% of the Democrats voting for Bernie are in favor of bombing Agrabah.
Let's bomb Nibelheim! Can't have those gold-hungry dwarfs brainwashing our heros and taking over our country!
The plateau of inaccessible Leng!
Like this is news. The Man Show once got a majority of women to sign a petition to "end women's suffrage." Yale students signed one to remove the 1st amendment (which makes petitions possible in the first place).
Man Shows been gone over a decade. Sometimes it's refreshing to see how idiotic our populace is.
No doubt, there are blithering idiots to be found among Republicans, they being that group that would bomb a non-existent country. Among Democrats, there might be a similar number/proportion who would offer foreign aid to the same non-existent country.
Any bombs for Oceania, Eurasia, or Eastasia?
We should ally with 2 of them against the third. Doesn't matter which two, but we should say it does.
Meh, are Americans supposed to know every Middle Eastern city, or suspect that a pollster is tricking them by naming a fake one? "Do you want to bomb the city of Agrabah" implies that there is a city of Agrabah and the name places it in the Middle East. I don't see much to make fun of here.
Is there a reason why Reason left out the part where a similar number of Democrats also wanted to bomb. It was observed long ago, and still true today "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people." Doesn't say much for allegedly improved educational system.
We should bomb Disneyland. There really is no need for discussion on that.
What about Smurfland? Those fucking Smurfs deserve to die.
Man, Oct. You can say that again.
What about Smurfland? Those fucking Smurfs deserve to die.
I think the fictional land that should be bombed is Oberlin College ... wait, what? That shit's real? I always assumed Oberlin College was a gag invented by The Onion!
Whut about Altruria, the commie prohibitionist dictatorship with all the taxes and regulations? Or Airstrip One, with Big Brother, Torture 101 and the Thought Police? Tomorrowland, with nuclear-armed econazis destabilizing the space-time continuum? Arrakis? overrun with... um... Saracen-looking sand-people hooked on melange spice?
How many time do I have to say it? The Fionese are the real threat. Wait and see, they'll fake an attack on themselves and invade Guilder. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Just one more time.
How many time do I have to say it? The Fionese are the real threat. Wait and see, they'll fake an attack on themselves and invade Guilder. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Twice, apparently.
How soon we forget our bloodfeud with Pottsylvania, home of Boris Badenov, arch enemy of patriotic Moose and Squirrel ...
And after we're done with the bombing, how many refugees should we accept from these lands?
Let them in!
Hihnception!!!!