Gun Background Checks Peaked on Black Friday, Deal Reached on Transportation Funding, Terrorists Love Twitter: A.M. Links

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Brickbat: For Your Own Safety —By Charles Oliver

Shots in the Park: Two use-of-force experts call the killing of 12-year-old Tamir Rice "objectively unreasonable." —By Jacob Sullum

The Left's Smears on Research That Doesn't Support Their Conclusions: From gun control to climate change. —By John Stossel 

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  1. First! [Insert comment on link here.]

      1. You certainly HAVE!

    1. Hello.

      “Thank you to our 140 Webathon 2015 donors so far!”

      Shouldn’t this micro-aggression come with a trigger warning for people with webbed feet and hands?

      1. I actually have webbed toes (syndactyly), and I feel totally triggered.

  2. “Do you have a male brain or a female brain? The answer, according to science, is no.”

    Because you’re brainless. BOOM. You’ve just been scienced!

    1. *shakes fist in anger at science*

    2. Read the article, basically said there are significant average difference in different parts of the brain and overall brain volume between men and women but that these differences don’t have a correlations between each other. So men on average have a bigger part A of the brain and a smaller part B but the presence of a bigger part A doesn’t make the presence of a smaller part B and more or less likely.

      I don’t think this debunks what the scientist think it debunks, because now the only correlation between the different brain sizes is the sex of it’s owner.

      1. You actually read it?

        /forms and plasters ‘L’ with fingers on forehead.

      2. Yeah, some of the reporting on it I read basically suggested that there were definite sex-based tendencies in certain parts of the brain, but they weren’t correlated with each other. It’s certainly interesting, but if anything it reinforces the idea that men and women, in general, may have physiologically based differences in mental traits. Not like penis/vagina different, more like size differences, where there are statistical tendencies to one side or another.

        1. That’s not really what I got out of it. There are a set of traits with male/female versions. Men are more likely to have the male version of each trait, and women are more likely to have the female version. But not to the extent that women usually have all six female versions, or that men usually have all six male versions. Everyone has a mix of male and female versions, in different combinations. So if you examine specific traits, you will notice sex differences, but if you examine populations by sex, you won’t see higher-level differences to the same degree.

          1. Women have brain same size as squirrel. Has been proven by top scientists.

    3. But there is a

      1. less than 5 pc chance that my brainlessness is just a fluke

  3. Legislators are coming together on a $305 billion bill…

    Yes, but whose portrait will be printed on that new bill? It better be some broad from history.

    1. Legislators are coming together on a $305 billion bill…

      Eewww!!

    2. Isn’t it supposed to be a coin, anyway? The krugmanrand.

      1. Damn, commodious. You are on fire.

          1. Toilet paper?

  4. George Washington University researchers say they’ve found approximately 300 American ISIS sympathizers on Twitter.

    And worse, even more Amy Schumer followers!

    1. Is Amy Schumer not funny? I think she’s funny. Has she been doing the snide politically correct thing?

      1. She’s entertaining enough. I think the issue is how the media and progtards completely shit themselves over how awesome she is.

        1. This skit she did for her show makes me lol: Lunch at O’Nutters NSFW yalls

        2. I thought progtards hated her for not sufficiently checking her privilege.

      2. She is funny. She’s also an insufferable lefty.

        1. Yep, and apparently a blood relative of Sen. Moobs Schumer.

          1. I believe the kids say “SMH”.

      3. I don’t know, the “ooh look how gross I can be as a somewhat cute white girl” shtick is kind of boring.

    2. Is she a new hate figure or something? My wife showed me some of her skits a couple months ago and they seemed pretty funny. I know she did some kind of nude photo shoot or something, but I guess I’m too out of touch with pop culture to see why that matters.

      1. Holy cow, Medical Physics Guy and I share the same not-male/not-female brain!

        1. Maybe this means I should start reading your posts.

      2. Thank you, JATNAS. I too have no idea who she is. I think it’s fine that she posts photos of herself. I live in a hole that has very little pop culture in it, and I prefer to keep it that way.

      3. SHE SHARES POLITICS WITH HER COUSIN, CHUCK.

      4. She is a vulgar, fun, female comedian. She has a popular, funny show on Comedy Central that many people like. The horrible internet (full of uninteresting, writers who lack creativity and need something to write about) decided to make her into some sort of icon, so she either “takes sides” on an issue, or is being used as a prop to support one argument or another. Naturally, she either she becomes disliked by one side or revered by the other side.

        It is stupider than I am making it out to be.

        1. I think I come down on the opposite side of you Crusty, it is more smarter than you make it out to be.

        2. I think I come down on the opposite side of you Crusty, it is more smarter than you make it out to be.

          1. I think you’re more stupider than your face is out to be.

        3. That’s because you’re a crusty juggler.

        4. I don’t know what funny is anymore, thanks to this place. Oh and my job.

      5. She started promoting the gun control issue with her vile uncle, Chuck (moobs) Schumer.

        1. This year’s “Black Friday” set a new record for most gun background checks processed in a single day.

          Given the spate of mass shootings that afflict only the US and the failure of reasonable people to agree reasonably to pass reasonable laws, I wonder how many of these assault weapon purchasers are the gun-safety proponents who have given up on Washington doing anything to close the loophole in the Constitution that allows just about anybody with a pulse to purchase fully-automatic weapons of war and decided to take matters into their own hands. What sort of world do we live in when you can’t even rely on government to provide you with the most basic right of self-defense? Especially from people like Chuck Schumer.

          1. Who needs a gun for self-defense when we have Congress? I keep a congressman on my front porch as a scarecrow of sorts.

  5. 115) I saw an article the other day on a new wave of musicians who make kids’ music adults can listen to also. Nothing against that?my kids liked the Wiggles when they were little, and they’re a lot better than what my siblings and I used to listen to as kids. But I started wondering why parents take such an interest in what their kids listen to nowadays. I don’t think my parents ever really cared what we kids listened to.

    But it occurred to me it happened around the time cassette decks started appearing in cars. Before then, kids listened to records on little record players in their rooms, and adults were spared exposure. Once the switchover to cassettes happened, kids could request their music be played in the car while their parents drove. I think that’s probably when Raffi and Anne Murray and the others in the first wave of adult-bearable kids’ music appeared.

    1. But I started wondering why parents take such an interest in what their kids listen to nowadays.

      Because everybody loves TMBG

      1. You’re not the boss of me!

      2. I can blast “I Am Not Your Broom” when I insist the kids clean up!

      3. TMBG is the odd case of music for adults that sounds indistinguishible from kids’ music.

      4. +1 bag of groceries accidently taken off the shelf.

    2. This thought is a repeat from like a week ago. Are you on sabbatical?

      1. “Stay tuned for tonight’s Best Of episode”

      2. Sabbatical is when you actually think of new things, rather than spend all day on administrative matters.

      3. That Morning Lynx disappeared for some reason so this thought never received any comments.

        1. Maybe somebody else brought it up because we had this conversation already.

          I said: I never listened to “kids” music. I listened to whatever my older brothers listened to, which was largely the “album rock” station. So I grew up on Led Zeppelin and Rush.

    3. That’s when Raffi appeared for sure. I very much remember listening to him all the time when in the car with my younger brother. It certainly never was on the 8 track player in my dad’s car when I was younger.

    4. Is it sermon rerun season already?

      1. Yes, it is, and I demand a refund!

    5. Perhaps someone with kids can explain this to me, but what exactly is kid’s music and why is it a thing. How are you kids going to even know about it unless you buy it and start playing it for him. And who decided that crap like that is what kids are into?

      I have a friend whose kid falls asleep to Finntroll.

      1. School mostly. Our kids listened to our music a lot. Until they started preschool. Then suddenly odd requests started popping up. Now our 9yr old daughter is a constant whine in the back of the car- especially when my wife made the mistake of showing her that there is a Kids Bop station on Sirius.

        1. I’ve managed to avoid letting the 6yo know that there’s a Kids Bop station. Now Radio Disney? That’s on all the time.

        2. We live a parallel life. Radio Disney here.

          Up until then, my daughter had a steady dose of good music. She still does but she ain’t asking to put it on Sinatra or Petty radio.

          All I can do is keep exposing her to different forms of music.

          1. A friend’s daughter asks for Kiss radio. The father had poor taste but its better than kids stuff.

          2. Little Steven’s Underground Garage can be a hell of a history lesson. If I ever have kids and that station still exists, it will be the Grand Compromise.

        3. My 13 and 9 year old request Ozzy’s Boneyard frequently. AC/DC’s Big Balls is a particular favorite of the bathroom-humor aficionados I’m apparently raising.

          1. My kids love AC/DC. It all stems from the firefighting scene in Planes 2.

            1. Exactly!

      2. Daycare is where they hear it I’d guess if parents don’t volunteer for the punishment themselves.

        In my car, wife and I we listen to what want to listen to. The 3 year old has no say.

        1. I do the same. Except I compromise from time to time. Gotta keep the girls happy. Or else they can make things pretty miserable. God, two nagging girls is more than I can take.

          1. For us, the best and worst thing ever was getting a rear entertainment system. Good because we stopped getting requests for Baby Baluga, and worst because I now have every line of How to Train Your Dragons 1 and 2 memorized, even though I can’t remember what they looked like.

            I look forward to the time when all the kids can manage headphones and I can listen to my own music again. We already have rules for some movies that I refuse to listen to. If they want to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks, it will be my music that they hear.

        2. When my 4-yr old grandson is in the car with me I listen to the Stones … loud. He knows the words to You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Sympathy for the Devil, and Out of Control.

          He doesn’t even complain about me singing along

          1. The little one I pick up from school was wandering around the house singing (terribly) “Just like the lightning bug sings a song sounds like he’s singing oooo, baby, oooo, baby, baby” and I had to explain to her mother that she’s a little confused about Stevie Nicks.

    6. Anne Murray

      So, are you trying to say that Canadians are all children?

      Kids’ music is a stupid concept. Kids are perfectly capable of appreciating regular music.

      1. I didn’t consume any media that was targeted at kids – maybe because my mom had her hands full with 4 sons and I was the youngest. Except for whatever was on PBS but that wasn’t the brainless crap kids watch today.

        1. Youngest AND ONLY LIBERTARIAN?

          1. Actually, no. Believe it or not, two of us arrived at a rejection of TEAM politics independently.

    7. Raffi is adult-bearable kids’ music?!?!?!?!?

      Is this another Tulpa handle?

  6. …the measure allocates $205 billion for spending on highways and $48 billion for other transit projects…

    Kinda stealing President Hillary thunder.

  7. Lords a-leaping: ’12 Days of Christmas’ items cost $34K, a 0.6 percent increase over last year

    PITTSBURGH (AP) ? Lords a-leaping is the U.S. economy slow to recover!

    The cost of 10 lords a-leaping increased 3 percent over last year, but nine of the other 12 gifts listed in the carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas” stayed the same price as last year, according to the 32nd annual PNC Wealth Management Christmas Price Index released Monday.

    The index is a whimsical way the Pittsburgh-based bank tracks inflation.

    The set of gifts spelled out in the final verse of the song would cost $34,131 this year, or 0.6 percent more than the adjusted 2014 price of $33,933. PNC decided to adjust the historic prices of turtle doves and swans after realizing the prices quoted by vendors didn’t reflect the birds’ overall value on the open market over the years.

    1. ? Nine ladies dancing (per performance), $7,553; last year: same

      ? 10 lords a-leaping (per performance), $5,508; last year: $5,348

      Gender-based paycheck inequities!

      1. That’s actually pretty strange. Guys generally get paid more in dance because there are so few of them. My sister’s annual nutcracker performance had to borrow boys from the local theatre group because they never had enough (I think the only males in the company was the owner and one of the instructor’s sons).

        1. There are enough dissolute British Lords, that they can be had cheaply?

        2. I was sitting in the waiting room while my daughter took her dance class and to pass the time, I read the magazines they had sitting around. Of course, they were about dance and the one article that struck me the most was titled “So You’ve Got a Boy!”. It was an article about exactly that ? how dance studios usually have between 0 and 2 boys and dozens of girls and how best to use the boys. All of the examples used were either the owners’ or instructors’ sons.

      2. (per performance)

        Way to cover for the fact that this song obviously advocates slavery, or at least a feudal system of semi-slavery.

      3. Last I checked, nine lap dances were much cheaper than $7,553

        1. Hey, mister, it is “9 Ladies Leaping” not “9 Strippers Grinding”!

          *polishes monocle and adjusts top hat*

          1. It’s nine ladies dancing, and who are you to judge them!

            1. Dancing often involves grinding. I’m not paying $7553 just to see some ladies prancing around.

              1. Here’s a tip: don’t try to “make it rain” using dimes, then.

                1. That’s “make it hail”.

          2. Hier ist Ihre neue monocle, Schweizer. Frohe Weihnachten.

            http://time.com/4128474/google…..le-patent/

        2. It’s the private party rate.

  8. The U.K. is poised to join us in bombing Syria.

    We did, after all, pull their fat out of the fire in the big one. They have to follow us militarily no matter what now. Them’s the rules.

    1. Is it in perpetuity or just until they return the favor (which is basically the same thing)?

      1. The day we actually need the Limeys to save us…

  9. Bill Nye Explains the Connection Between Climate Change and Terrorism in Paris, says “this is just the beginning.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…..b2818b810b

    Autoplay warning.

    I liked this guy a lot better when I was a kid because watching him meant our teacher had temporarily been replaced by a sub who could barely work a VCR.

    1. Mr. Wizard Bill Nye.

      1. er, there’s supposed to be a greater than sign between the two. Stupid HTML.

        1. The squirrels always steal the greater than sign

        2. Use >

    2. Oh look, another moron playing the role of an expert on a subject he’s not qualified to speak about with such an insufferable smug tone.

      1. He should hang out with Paul Krugman

      2. In Bill Nye’s defense, he was really funny as an actor in the skit comedy show “Almost Live” when he was making fun of engineers at Boeing.

        1. +1 Speed Walker

      3. For some reason it seems impossible to mix science and pop culture without becoming insufferably smug. Tyson is almost worse than Nye at this point, and Hawking would be worse than both of them combined if not for his disability. Carl Sagan probably came closest to avoiding the smug, but he still certainly had his moments.

        1. Unless I’m wrong, I believe Hawking still sticks to his area of expertise. Same with Sagan? Nye making good fun of engineers would make sense because I think he’s an engineer? Or am I mixing him up with Gore?

          God, I should be better prepared. I feel like I’m about to let the Browns down one more time.

          1. Bill was an engineer. Which is pretty funny because if he went to engineering school today he’d come out a critic of green technology. Nothing makes you realize how crappy wind, solar, and other alternates are like trying to implement them for a class project.

            1. Nothing makes you realize how crappy wind, solar, and other alternates are like trying to implement them for a class project.

              This is the main difference between engineering and science. Engineering has to deal with the real world where variables cannot so easily be ignored as marginal.

              1. I really wish I could make all the people who talk about renewables do the project I was required to do. I think most of the math could be done for them ahead of time so they wouldn’t need to figure it out themselves beyond algebra, but in all likelihood it still would be too much for them.

                1. For shits and giggles I priced a 100% battery based, off grid solar system.

                  Batteries alone are 35 grand (10-15 yr lifespan at best) plus a similar amount for panels and hardware.

                  Needless to say it ain’t gonna happen.

            2. *nodding sadly*

              I got my engineering doctorate doing sustainability research in a group that also included solar researchers. I think the general consensus was hey, let the guilty rich people build the solar if they want, but don’t you dare push this on people who actually care about having cheap, reliable energy.

            3. I worked with an intern that was part of a wind-powered-car kind of competition in engineering school. Quite interesting project science-wise. You’d think the kid would end up realizing the limitations of his fuel source… and realizing that if they didn’t do the competition on a windy beach, their highly engineered car that cost around 100k wouldn’t do shit. Yet he was in love with windmills.

          2. Nye making good fun of engineers would make sense because I think he’s an engineer? Or am I mixing him up with Gore?

            A BS in mechanical engineering was Nye’s terminal degree.

          3. Unless I’ve missed something, Hawking has been pretty anti-AI in recent years but, as far as I know, otherwise sticks to his area of expertise and avoids smugness. And his appearance on The Simpsons was pretty decent of a post-1990s episode.

          4. Hawking has become a doomsayer, mostly in areas outside his expertise. He’s worried about aliens. He’s worried about AI. He’s worried about climate change. Basically, he doesn’t think we’re long for this galaxy.

            1. Well the Fermi paradox and the related Drake equation lend some theoretical credence to the idea that we’re not long for the galaxy. Though to be fair, “not long” could be anywhere from 100 years to 100,000 years.

          5. I thought Hawking was the shit after reading A Brief History of Time in my teens. I was crestfallen after seeing some stuff on Discover or Science channel.

            A few years ago Hawking was getting ready to make what he described to be a major revelation at a conference of theoretical physicists. While his peers respected his earlier work, they seemed to share an opinion that he isn’t even in the top 100 most relevant physicists these days. His “bombshell,” which I can’t remember the details of, was received with polite tolerance and immediately dismissed.

            The basis for the conclusion of his episode “Is God real?” was pretty weak too. Hawking declared that because time didn’t exist until the big bang, God couldn’t have existed before then. I was expecting something with a bit more zing, since remedial theology puts their creator outside of time and space for most religions.

            1. His work on black holes has been rather bombshelly. But outside of that, I could certainly see how people think he’s not the most super-important dude in those fields not related to black hole physics and some quantum theories.

          6. I feel like I’m about to let the Browns down one more time.

            So you’re secretly Johnny Football?

        2. Sagan struck me as more “Our pathetic brains can’t comprehend how unfathomably enormous is the galaxy, let alone our galactic cluster, let alone our universe. Now shove your meaningless and pitiful authority up your ass because it doesn’t matter. None of it matters” kind of nihilism. Tyson and Nye’s prattling is insufferable compared to that.

          1. So Sagan was smart enough to realize there are things he doesn’t know, and Tyson and Nye are not, makes sense.

            In fact I always doubt the intelligence of people who act like know it alls. It seems to me that the more you learn the more you realize just how ignorant you really are, and smart people realize this.

          2. Carl Sagan, whom I knew, expressed an endearing humility. He repeatedly pointed out Man’s insignificance and the debt we owe to scientists of the past.

            My most memorable conversation with Sagan was in 1974 when we discussed the correlation between ice ages and the sun’s movement through the spiral arms of the Milky Way. Interesting that the topic is occasionally brought up these days in the AGW ‘debate.’

            1. Cool.

            2. That’s cool. I loved Cosmos as a kid and that’s the sense I get from him too.

              Not like today’s insufferable pricks.

            3. That’s awesome. I’ve always loved his writings. He was great at conveying how “tiny and insignificant and rare and special” we are.

            4. I don’t think science can be done without humility. It’s weird as I had a discussion with my PC-Liberal-Civil Servant of a brother yesterday about AGW somehow, and of course he was quoting Nye and Tyson, as if those guys had any kind of god given authority on the subject.

              Yet we ended up agreeing that Sagan seemed to be right in his way of viewing things ; that there is way too much complicated stuff than we will ever understand. And to me, that is all what AGW is : hubris.

              1. But if we don’t believe in it, however will Al Gore and his little cronies ever get their graft? You wouldn’t want that to happen, would you? Then they couldn’t afford a Solid Gold Humvee.

          3. That’s why I say Sagan came closest. He still had that weirdness with the “testosterone poisoning” stuff, which seemed to me to be a streak of smug feminism. But mostly he was great, even and especially when he strayed from his area of expertise (like is anti-war advocacy).

  10. A Turkish court must decide whether The Lord of the Rings character Gollum is good or bad.

    If bad are they going to force an apology out of him?

    1. she was forced to argue in court this week that “Gollum is not a bad character”

      He’s just drawn that way.

    2. Are they ever going to decide whether or not the Armenian genocide happened?

    3. If bad, he’s going to spend up to 2 years in jail.

      The obvious defense is to claim that you were juxtaposing the president with Sm?agol, not Gollum.

      1. “My Precioussssssssssssssssssssss Ottomenssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

  11. “Do you have a male brain or a female brain? The answer, according to science, is no.”

    A-ha! I knew it!

    /continues to spread forest berry jam on sesame-oat bread.

    1. I have a male brain AND a female brain, in a jar in my closet.

      1. Next to Lindsay Graham?

        1. There is no closet big enough to contain that moist-pawed dandy poofter, as much as he may think otherwise.

      2. Is the female brain labeled “Abby Normal?”

      3. Are you Dr. Hfuhruhurr, and is one of the brains that of Anne Uumellmahaye?

    2. What if you’re a dude who’s good at picking out paint colors? /asking for a friend.

      1. Everyone thinks they’re good at picking out paint colors

  12. French priest admits pocketing 700,000 euros

    A Catholic priest will be sent to court after admitting he stole more than 700,000 euros ($741,000) collected from churchgoers and buyers of holy candles over a quarter of a century, the French public prosecutor’s office said on Tuesday.

    Ren? Heuillet, 80, admitted pocketing proceeds of regular church collections between 1987 and retirement in early 2013, plus 100,000 euros from votive candle sales, said a statement from the prosecutor’s office in Foix, in southwestern France.

    He seemingly spent little of the money. Public prosecutor Karline Bouisset said the authorities had frozen holdings of 656,000 euros on his bank account.

    1. Pour le bon dieu!

      /umbrella gesture.

  13. NATO invitation to Montenegro prompts Russia warning

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34981973

    Yeah, another country that the US will be pledged to fight and die for. While adding another country which is incapable of doing anything to defend the US

    The US needs to leave NATO immediately.

    1. I wouldn’t be too worried about Russia in this case.

      1. I am not worried about Russia, I am worried about another out of control international bureaucracy wasting my money and dragging the US into more foreign adventures it cannot afford

        1. Well, that would remain the case, Montenegro being in or not.

          1. Which is why the US needs to get out of NATO.

            1. Still, I wouldn’t be too worried about Russia, though…

              1. Turkey is in NATO, and Turkey is unpredictable, and Turkey controls the Bosphorus, and Turkey just shot down a Russian plane, so I worry about whatever the hell Turkey is going to do, or not do.

    2. NATO is the idiots which is not only building a new over budget and behind schedule billion dollar headquarters but they decided in this age of “terrorism” to build it with glass walls

      http://www.skyscrapercity.com/…..762&page=6

      1. They’re rocket-proof windows, but only if the rockets are fired from the outside.

      2. A billion dollars? Pfft. In the NYC construction biz that’s couch-cushion money.

    3. I do think very few people even consider that not one of the other NATO countries could do anything meaningful if the U.S. was ever attacked. We should withdraw and let counties hire us as a bodyguard service instead.

      1. Eh…we called on NATO after 9-11, and they did send folks to Afghanistan – some, like the Germans, were not so useful. The Canadians, French (stop laughing) and Poles, moreso.

        1. They did that after they drove the Taliban from power and NATO signed on to do nation building of which they were no better at it then the US.

          Once the Taliban started making a comeback NATO could not even come up with a common rules of engagement and each countries forces did it own thing

          All bringing in NATO did was allow the Bush admin to put Afghanistan on the back burner and invade Iraq. Once Afghanistan started to fall apart the US had to take over again. It would have been better if NATO was never involved in Afghanistan.

          It would be better if a European NATO spent its effort defending Europe. Such things as stopping the invasion of Europe by millions of Muslims.

          1. Oh, certainly their main mission should be looking at the frantic despot to their East – but their combined forces could barely manage to get to the Polish or Balt border with Russia, much less do anything once they got there.

          2. I believe China would be the greater threat.

            Them with their 20 to 30 million males without mates.

            1. Luckily, the Bear is to their north, and Siberia has resources, so maybe the Dragon will be content going after that. However, there’s also the South China Sea and Japan’s old idea of the “Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere”, as seen with the spats in the Spratleys.

    4. Oh come on it;s not like some conflict in the balkans ever triggered a larger war or anything.

      1. Lol. Poor Arch Duke.

  14. “Congress voted to block Obama’s proposed plan to force cuts to greenhouse gas emissions from U.S. power plants. ”

    Block as in forming a human chain?

    1. Stop! You are just opening the gates for some inane “Block Yomama” comment.

      1. In fact, that was exactly how I read the above comment.

  15. The Ex-Im Bank just won’t go away…

      1. Those crony pockets won’t stuff themselves.

        1. Well, remember, GE is a digital company now, so they still need billions in taxpayer backed loans to compete in the international marketplace so they can hire more H1-B visa engineers.

  16. Women post selfies grabbing their breasts from behind their backs in peculiar fitness craze

    Women in China have thought of a peculiar way of proving their fitness – by taking a selfie of them grabbing their own breast from behind their back.

    The not-so-catchy “behind the back breast-grab challenge” is currently taking the nation by storms as thousands of women – and some men- attempt to show they are slim by touching their breast with the opposite hand.

    The ‘contestant’ has to use the opposite arm to their breast, reach behind their own back and then grab hold of the bosom.

    1. Weird. Are they looking for ….uh, help with that?

      1. Weird. Are they looking for ….uh, help with that?

        Unless the top one has two right hands, she is getting help.

    2. Apparently it helps to wear one’s bra backwards.

    3. The first picture has to be someone else’s hand

    4. I’M A FAN!!!!

    5. Ugh, first the thigh gap and now this. Thin, Chinese, privilege is problematic.

      I am working on my 20,000 word think piece on this issue.

      1. Wait till they discover twerking.

  17. Mark Zuckerberg to donate 99pc of Facebook stock to charity

    We could have a network of Newark Public Schools all over the world for that kind of dough!

    1. You would have thought he learned a lesson from that one.

      1. The problem there was obviously A) Not enough money and B) The wrong TOP MEN.

    2. At least Newark Public Schools are marginally more beneficial than FarmVille.

  18. ‘Vagina’ dress by Australian designer causes a commotion

    “once you see the vaginas ? and they’re hard to miss ? there’s no going back.”

    So, *you* can decide after clicking whether it’s NSFW.

    1. I bet this same women complains about men looking at women as sex objects

  19. Stockholm clinic hands out penis measuring tapes
    Initiative aims to reverse declining condom use and ensure young men buy right size to prevent disease transmission

    The clinic, which caters to youths up to the age of 23, said on Monday the initiative was aimed at turning around declining condom use in Sweden and making sure young men buy the right size to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

    The specially designed tape, which measures circumference and not length, will be handed out free of charge at the clinic from Tuesday.

    “A common reason for a condom slipping off or breaking during sex is that you’ve bought the wrong size,” a male nurse at the clinic, Eddie Sandstrom, said in a podcast on its website. “You have to measure the circumference of the penis when erect, not the length. On our measuring tape you get the measurement in millimetres and a few recommendations for condom types that are suitable.”

    It’s magnificent.

    1. “you get the measurement in millimetres”

      I’m going to need the yardstick, please.

      1. JATNAS’s thingy is almost four feet in circumference, but its maximum length is only two inches.

        1. It’s like a cheese wheel.

            1. Technically, yes, but keep some antibiotics handy.

    2. NO! What I would have needed was a pair of proper scissors to open the package in a timely fashion.

    3. Doesn’t Sweden have a declining population problem like the rest of Europe? I guess the under 23’s aren’t ideally who you want having kids, but they need somebody to do it.

      1. A couple of hundred thousand Muslims will soon reverse that trend.

    4. Translation: “No, most of you aren’t magnum.”

  20. Apparently, the Fed Apologists’ new excuse for why the Penguin Janet Yellin simply cannot allow interest rates to rise is the Euro/Dollar exchange rate.

    Thought you’d like to know.

    1. Best you get in before Shriek does – “TEH LIGHTWORKER’S RECOVERY IS SO STRONG, WE DARE NOT SHOCK THE WORLD WITH A .25% INTEREST RATE!!!1!11!” DERPA HERPA!

    2. “The Euro/Dollar exchange rate ….. Yeah, *that’s* the ticket!”

  21. Shockingly, Court Rejects ‘Motorcycle Boner’ Appeal

    Do you remember the guy who sued BMW alleging that his motorcycle gave him “a severe case of priapism”? If you don’t, “Bad to the Boner” biker Henry Wolf complained of a 30+ hour erection that he pinned on the intense vibration of his BMW motorcycle and special Corbin-Pacific seat, raising all our hopes that BMW motorcycle spots could replace all the limp-dick ads we’re forced to sit through on NFL Sundays.

    1. Ducati or Cagiva I get.

      But BMW?

      I don’t think so! /wha happened?

      1. You had to bring up Fred Willard in the boner conversation, didn’t you.

        1. I did.

  22. Syria conflict: Half of German Tornado jets ‘not airworthy’

    Only 29 of Germany’s 66 Tornado jets are airworthy, a defence ministry report has revealed.

    It comes two days before German MPs are expected to vote in favour of military action against Islamic State (IS) militants in Syria.

    Defence Minister Ursula von der Leyen has stressed that only six of the operational Tornado jets would be needed for the proposed mission.

    A vote on the UK’s involvement takes place in parliament on Wednesday.

    Germany decided to join the fight against IS after an appeal by French President Francois Hollande in the wake of the 13 November Paris attacks.

    But the readiness of Germany’s armed forces has long been the subject of criticism.

    1. Come on Germany. What the hell happened to you guys? The Prussians would be rolling around in their graves if they knew about this.

    2. They quit trying about 6 months after reunification, once it was clear the Russians were not going to do anything about it. The Bundeswehr is a joke.

      1. If they actually had to pay for a serious military, they couldn’t afford ll the social welfare they enjoy.

    3. Germany doesn’t need jets that can actually fly.

      They got NATO for that and a jet that can fly cost money that could be spent on Muslim men fleeing non welfare states.

  23. Connecticut City Blames Squirrels for Christmas Tree Snafu

    Officials in Norwalk are blaming the critters for chewing through the wires on several strands of lights on the Christmas tree outside city hall.

    Ken Hughes, Norwalk’s superintendent of parks, tells The Hour that when he tested the lights Monday in advance of Wednesday night’s official tree lighting ceremony, only about a quarter lit up. That’s when he noticed that a wire near the bottom of the tree had been chewed through.

    It took someone in a bucket truck more than three hours to go up and down the tree to find and replace other chewed wires. Fortunately, the strands of lights only cost about $17 each.

    yeah but that union overtime will get ya…

    1. This is getting….weird.

    2. Russia is getting itself a nice little collection of embarrassing truth tellers. I guess it helps to give them leverage over their own people. Anytime you try to point out them disappearing folks they don’t like, they just trot one of these guys out and your credibility is shot.

  24. This year’s “Black Friday” set a new record for most gun background checks processed in a single day.

    In FEAR of rampant Christianistic/Christ Fag Extremist terrorism and the Obama regime’s refusal to protect us against the threat has forced Americans to arm themselves.

    Where is your God/Safe Space Now!

  25. Watch for U.S. recession, zero interest rates in China next year, Citi says

    The outlook for the global economy next year is darkening, with a U.S. recession and China becoming the first major emerging market to slash interest rates to zero both potential scenarios, according to Citi.

    As the U.S. economy enters its seventh year of expansion following the 2008-09 crisis, the probability of recession will reach 65 percent, Citi’s rates strategists wrote in their 2016 outlook published late on Tuesday. A rapid flattening of the bond yield curve towards inversion would be an key warning sign.

    “The cumulative probability of U.S. recession reaches 65 percent next year,” Citi’s rates strategists wrote in their 2016 outlook published late on Tuesday. “Curve inversion will likely come more quickly than the consensus thinks.”

    1. You just had to light the shreeek signal

      1. No kidding – prepare for a derpstorm.

        1. The stock market is booming! Records profits! Unemployment is low! Gold is going down to $20/oz! blah de blah

          1. I’M A CLASSIC LIBERAL!!! BUSHPIGHITLER!!!! GLLLAAARRRGH….

            /drowns on own illogical froth…

  26. On our measuring tape you get the measurement in millimetres and a few recommendations for condom types that are suitable.

    I just use a tree tape.

    An itsy bitsy tree tape.

    1. a few recommendations for condom types that are suitable.

      “For *you* — Ribbed.”

    2. Bonsai!

      1. Fuck! A day late and a dollar short again!

    3. “An itsy bitsy tree tape.”

      I think the Japanese call that a Bone-sai tree…

  27. Good luck with that:

    Greece’s taxpayers must declare all assets like cash ‘under mattresses’ & jewelry

    Cash ‘under the mattress’ totaling more than 15,000 euro, jewelry and other valuable items such as diamonds and gemstones, should be declared to electronic system of tax authorities, Taxisnet, as of 1. January 2016. Next to properties and vehicles and shares, now the taxpayers will also have to declare their deposits. And not only that. They will have to fill if they rent bank lockers and if yes, also the name of the bank and the branch, even if abroad.

    Declared must be cash money if more than 15,000 euro and precious items if their total value exceeds 30,000 euro. These amounts apply cumulatively per household (husband, wife, underage children).

    To facilitate the completion of the declaration, data from the income statements (E1 and E9) will be drawn automatically.

    Note that this Assets declaration process will initially apply to lawmakers, journalists, public servants etc and is the rehearsal for the creation of the electronic property & assets register that will be extended to all taxpayers.

    1. Who would possibly comply with this? I’m a general rule follower, but I wouldn’t tell the government about the family jewels or cash I hid.

      1. Heheh…”family jewels”

        1. Well you don’t expect me to keep the whole man do you? That a little big to preserve in the formaldehyde jars I’ve got laying around.

    2. And if they don’t declare?

      What, they’re gonna send the mattress police?

      /Homer scream. Runs away.

      1. What, they’re gonna send the mattress police?

        Sure. Greeks voted against “austerity”. It’s time they find out what they actually voted for.

    3. I’d declare some of the guns I own… as a warning.

  28. This year’s “Black Friday” set a new record for most gun background checks processed in a single day.

    America! Fuck yeah!

    1. The Gawker comments on this story are awesomely hysterical.

      1. Thinking about setting up an email address for the express purpose of trolling the sneering jackasses that author Gawker “articles”…

        1. I had a burner account at one point, but the password was so complicated when I cleared my browser I was no longer able to troll 🙁

  29. Walter E. Williams: Europe’s Existence In Doubt As Muslim No-Go Zones Spread

    http://news.investors.com/ibd-…..htm?p=full

    1. “Europe” as a landmass will always exist, though it may be renamed to “The New Caliphate”… but it will still exist…

    2. “France has no-go zones, which are officially called “zones urbaines sensibles,” or sensitive urban zones, where police are reluctant to go.”

      FOX News already walked back this claim.

      “There are zones where the government has lost control in Germany, England and most other European countries, too.”

      Specific examples would be nice.

      1. The hysteria is astounding.

        When will people discover Dearborn, MI and (god forbid) all the damn Iranians in LA?

        1. I hear Paterson, NJ is a no-go area too!

          Now I am open to the notion that things are getting a little problematic in Europe but just making shit up isn’t going to win you any converts.

  30. This year’s “Black Friday” set a new record for most gun background checks processed in a single day

    This is impossible, because there are no background checks for gun purchases because of the NRA.

    1. It’s called “the black Friday loophole.”

      Why do they call it that? Well, on “black Friday” white Christians buy guns in droves in order to prepare for the coming race war.

  31. You know who else wanted a strongman to lead them into the glorious revolutionary sunset…

    Byron York: Voters don’t want honest. They want strong.

    In a new Quinnipiac national poll of the Republican and Democratic presidential races, the candidates whom voters view as least honest and trustworthy are leading the pack. In fact, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump score almost equally on the issue.

    When asked “Would you say that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy or not?” 60 percent of voters nationally said she is not, versus 36 percent who said she is.

    When asked “Would you say that Donald Trump is honest and trustworthy or not?” 59 percent of voters nationally said he is not, versus 35 percent who said he is.

    If the two were to meet in a general election, voters would face a choice of candidates widely viewed as not honest and trustworthy.

    1. Yep, it’s an open question whether the current wave of fascism has enough altitude to make it out over the Atlantic, let alone land in Europe.

    2. “If honesty drove the electoral process… the 2008 presidential race would have been a dead heat between Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich.”

      Chuck Klosterman

    3. As Hayek said, whenever things start to fail the public says “we need a man who can make a plan work!”

    4. I think they (Trump voters) want a mixture of strong and nationalist, like Putin.

      Sort of ties to some article I read a while back about why humanity tolerates sociopaths… they can be very useful if they maintain group loyalty. Many (most) people would rather have a king that more or less looks out for the nation, even if he oppresses his enemies and the lower classes get a rough deal, rather than a so-called democracy that treats the demos like shit and fucks around so baldly that it even metaphorically invites its girlfriend to come live at their house and tells his wife to suck it up and take care of her.

  32. Cash ‘under the mattress’ totaling more than 15,000 euro, jewelry and other valuable items such as diamonds and gemstones, should be declared to electronic system of tax authorities, Taxisnet, as of 1. January 2016.

    *outright, prolonged laughter*

  33. Spanish renewables energy company Abengoa goes tits up.

    Abengoa’s total debt is estimated around ?20bn (US$21.2bn), including working capital and project finance.

    But biofuels will save the planet…not.

    1. Wasn’t Spain one of the places where the government set price for ‘renewable” energy was higher then regular energy so that people were buying energy from the grid and selling at a profit as renewable.

  34. Jonah Goldberg: Planned Parenthood and those villainous Christians

    Consider that modern-day Council of Nicea, ABC’s The View. Joy Behar recently insisted concern over Muslim refugees was overblown. After all, Oklahoma City bomber “Timothy McVeigh was a Christian,” Behar said. “Just sayin’.”

    Whoopi Goldberg (no relation) concurred. “There have been a lot of monster Christians,” she said. “Hitler was a Christian.”

    Just for the record, Hitler detested Christianity, and McVeigh was an avowed agnostic who never cited Jesus as the inspiration for his crimes.

    Personally, I’m opposed to all such forms of guilt by association, but it seems obvious to me that contemporary Christianity is not struggling with a Crusades problem, while Islam is certainly struggling with a jihad problem.

    1. +2 female brains

      1. You can’t convince me that either of those have a brain, female or not.

    2. It’s good to see McVeigh is the Christians’ problem now instead of the libertarians.

      1. He can be both. Give them time. The finger-pointing has only just begun

      2. I blame the Irish.

    3. I wouldn’t say Islam is “struggling” with a jihad problem. Jihad has been a primary feature of the religion for 1,400 years.

    4. Admitting that Jihadists are more violent and a bigger threat than Christians significantly reduces the positional value of being a Prog. To keep the positional value of feeling superior to other Americans, Progs pretend Christians are a bigger problem than Jihadists.

  35. Portsmouth cop’s ‘compassion’ saves child’s birthday

    PORTSMOUTH ? Officer Michael Kotsonis was called to a store about a woman shoplifting last week, learned she stole items to bake her child a birthday cake and instead of arresting her, paid the tab.

    A 19-year member of the city’s police force, Kotsonis hoped his kindness would remain anonymous.

    “I didn’t do it for the attention,” he said Tuesday. “What you do when no one is looking, that’s the character of someone.”

    It was an employee of Ocean State Job Lots who reported Kotsonis’ goodwill to the Portsmouth Herald, calling it “the kindest thing in the entire world.”

    “With all of these stories about bad cops, I thought y’all would love to hear this one,” said the store worker, who asked to be unnamed. “He’s a Portsmouth police officer and I literally have never had such an amazing experience with an officer and I’m hoping that he can get some sort of recognition.”

    1. There are a few good cops out there. Not many, and they’re completely overwhelmed in number by the bad ones. But there are a few.

    2. The best part of the story – no sales tax.

  36. http://www.nytimes.com/interac…..-news&_r=0

    Ah… Fuck ’em. I blame Polynesian seafarers and, possibly– but not definitely, ancient alien astronauts from Easter Island. The problem with SJWs and, worse, climate scientists is that they envy Donald Trump and want to consign us all to gulags to eat gruel.

    1. Changing global trade winds have raised sea levels in the South Pacific about a foot over the past 30 years, faster than elsewhere

      Damn Republicans!

      1. If you would have just purchase a car too small to accommodate your needs, powered by a battery made from rare earths strip-mined in mainland China and sent to the United States on colossal freighters powered by the world’s largest diesel engines, then charged by coal-based power plants, none of this would have happened you ecologically genocidal son of a bitch.

        1. +10 for a great rant

      2. Heresy. Global warming is caused by sunspots.

        1. Your mom is caused by sunspots.

        2. Solar activity has nothing to do with climate. That’s why it’s excluded from the climate models.

          1. Obviously. The giant ball of “fire” in the sky has nothing to do with temperatures on Earth. The exhaust from my car, on the other hand, causes global temperatures to skyrocket!

      3. It gets better:

        Scientists are studying whether those changing trade winds have anything to do with climate change.

        “So we have no idea what is causing this, but guess what we’re going to run with.”

  37. Trans women 49 times as likely to have HIV. NTTAWWT

    World AIDS Day recognizes the everyday lives and particular struggles of people around the world living with AIDS and HIV, but one population has been long overlooked. According to recent findings from the World Health Organization that analyzed data from 15 countries, transgender women are nearly 49 times more likely than the general population to contract HIV. This means that, just for being who they are, they are part of the population at highest risk for acquiring HIV.

    But according to advocates, the transgender community’s HIV problem remains an “invisible” epidemic, as trans women are too often ignored in health advocacy, stigmatized for their diagnosis or criminalized.

    1. “If I’m a transgender woman living with HIV, I [might not] want my partner to know because I fear prosecution from the police,” Gordon, of the Human Rights Commission, said. “I might withhold that information or withhold it from a doctor.”

      You might also be an asshole.

    2. Maybe I’m just being “transphobic” here but if “just being who you are” requires tons of plastic surgery then are you really “just being who you are”?

      1. That’s always been my disconnect. I generally do not give a shit, but it still seems odd and strange to me that modifying yourself to such an extreme is necessary.

    3. so the same rate as men who have sex with men or is it higher?

    4. This means that, just for being who they are, they are part of the population at highest risk for acquiring HIV.

      Um, no it doesn’t. You don’t contract HIV by being trans, you contract through engaging in a set of high-risk behaviors that are very well known at this point, and no one which are REQUIRED for you to engage in to live as a trans individual.

    5. So we know the claims they can’t get laid are bullshit now. Guess excuses to not disclose to romantic partners early on aren’t accurate.

    6. I am thinking it has less to do with who they are and more to do with what they do and how they do it.

    7. “Trans women 49 times as likely to have HIV”

      More evidence of persecution.

  38. I Ruined A Movie And Didn’t Kill Hitler
    I built a time machine, but instead of killing Baby Hitler I took a Guy Who Writes For Salon to see the 1981 premiere of ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark.’

    When the third guide left Indy for dead and fled with the golden idol, the Guy leapt up and cheered loudly, jarring the audience. Someone in front asked what the hell he was cheering about. “Indigenous people reclaiming what is rightfully theirs!” he exclaimed. He told the man to download Midnight Oil’s 1987 land-reclamation anthem “Beds Are Burning,” which could not be downloaded and hadn’t come out yet because it was 1981.

    As soon as the Guy saw that the native had been gruesomely impaled on the trap gate, he became incandescent with rage, shouting, “Are you [expletive] kidding me?” He was cursed at by several members of the audience but continued complaining bitterly that it was “nothing more than imperialist propaganda” and an effort to “subjugate developing countries” by “instilling fear of resistance to cultural banditry.”

    I was now very worried because the Guy was clearly agitated. It was still quite early on in the film. We hadn’t even gotten to Indy casually shooting the Arab swordsman or telling Marion he’d give her money to buy a pretty dress.

    1. You know who else didn’t kill Hitler?

      1. Hitler? oh wait…

      2. That British WW I soldier? Tandy or whatever his name was?

    2. Why the fuck does everyone feel the need to kill baby Hitler when they time travel? It’s a baby, it hasn’t done anything. If killing it won’t cause the world to explode in a puff of paradox, neither will taking it back to the future with you and raising it in a liberal household. I think some people just want an excuse to murder a baby.

      1. I think some people just want an excuse to murder a baby.

        Planned Parenthood would definitely kill babay Hitler.

        1. I wonder what you could charge for Hitler Baby’s brain.

  39. Global warming, er…. climate change conference doomed. China schemes to swindle the West.

    “The fact of the matter is that there’s a reason why you have the largest gathering of world leaders probably in world history here in Paris. Everyone else is taking climate change seriously.” Barack Obama.

    Like a lot of the president’s statements on climate change this isn’t actually true. In fact there are lots and lots of people in the world who know it’s a hoax. And among them, unfortunately, happen to be the ruling elite of the most significant carbon emitting nation of them all: China.

    We know this because of a devastating report, released today by the Global Warming Policy Foundation, written by one of the West’s leading experts on the Chinese environmental economy, Patricia Adams.

    Adams, an economist, executive director of Toronto-based Probe International, who has been working with the Chinese environmental movement since the mid-Eighties, is under absolutely no illusions about China’s real position on “climate change.”

    China sees it as a brilliant opportunity to fleece the gullible gwailo for as much money as it can, to burnish its international image by making all the right green noises, and to blackmail the West into providing it with free technology.

    1. Wouldn’t you do the same?

      Seriously. The only ones who stand to gain from this bull shit are cronies.

      1. No kidding. It is the best scam since indulgences.

  40. The Left’s Well-Nurtured Paranoia about Violent Conservatives

    A lot of people, from low-information voters to activists eagerly sharing Facebook memes to the biggest columnists, think the opposing political side is generally full of bad people. Not mistaken or foolish people, but genuinely malevolent and dangerous people.

    There is a sizable number of liberals who believe that most conservatives are hateful, rage-filled ticking time bombs. They think the average Romney voter is just one televised martial metaphor away from dropping the Bible they cling to, grabbing the gun they cling to with both hands, and lashing out at the nearest target of convenience.

    Of course, their own side of progressives, liberals, or plain old Democratic party loyalists is full of good, rational, wise, right-thinking, emotionally-well-adjusted people. So they conclude that incendiary rhetoric is inherently more dangerous when used by the other side than by their side.

    1. reminds me of a conversation that I had with my (unemployed ex-junkie) friend, who was going on how the tea party conservatives weren’t “reaching across the aisle” and how Boehner – who he hated – had an impossible job dealing with all those lunatics.

      And then those evil people in the south who would gladly love to beat him up.

      When I countered with “I’ve been to Tennessee, Kentucky, North & South Carolina, etc and found everyone to be really nice” he dismissed it as “you were just in resort areas”.

      1. Come on now everyone know once you’re south of the Mason-Dixon line it’s all pickup trucks, country music, alcoholism, and klan rallies.

        Leftist bigotry is so funny, the people who whine about “micro aggression” are also blatantly unaware of their own overt bigotry toward an entire geographical area.

        1. Sometimes they’re very aware of it.

      2. Bah. They’re always gonna engage in sophistry along the lines of ‘you don’t know the real truth’.

      3. There are resort areas in Kentucky?

        1. Land Between The Lakes, where enlightenment lives.

          1. I spent a weekend there. The dam village sucks hard. Nothing resort like about where we stayed.

  41. 2,400 Coal fired power stations are ready to come on line. Women, children, minorities, and atmosphere hardest hit.
    (article behind a paywall – cool map)

    The new plants will emit 6.5 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide a year and undermine the efforts at the Paris climate conference to limit global warming to 2C. China is building 368 plants and planning a further 803, according to the study by four climate change research bodies, including Ecofys and the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research. India is building 297 and planning 149.

    Rich countries are also planning new coal plants. The nuclear disaster at Fukushima has prompted Japan to turn back to coal, with 40 plants in the pipeline and five under construction.

    The study found that carbon dioxide from the 2,440 plants would raise emissions to five times the level consistent with keeping global warming below 2C.

    1. OMG, dirty Chinese people are going to have cheap power.

  42. “This doesn’t make me a faggot!’ Ted screamed as Marco rammed his penis into him again and again.

    “No. You’re my faggot, Ted. I’m making you my faggot. I’m going to fuck you inside-out,” Marco moaned. He pulled his penis out and spit into Ted’s gape. He made The Silent Duck with his right hand and pulled Ted’s asshole on like a tight glove.

    “Oh, Gawd, Marco! Oh Gawd! I feel like I’m taking every shit I ever took in reverse! Oh Gawd! Oh Gawd! Oh Gawd! I want to fuck Jesus!” Ted let out an animal howl as Marco sank into him up to his tanned, Latino elbow.

    “I can feel what you had for lunch, you spicy little bitch,” Marco crooned. He pulled out his arm and smacked Ted in the face, leaving a black and bloody smear.

    “Lick it clean, you fat fuck. Or I stick down your throat and tear out your heart,” Marco said. At the first run of Ted’s tongue down his forearm, Marco’s cock vomited chunky semen on Ted’s tits. But Ted began to cry.

    1. “What is it, mi corazon? Did I hurt you?” Marco asked. Ted’s entire body began to shake. Marco peppered his face with kisses.

      “Please, please tell me what is wrong,” Marco begged, tears beginning to run down his face as well.

      “I’m just so afraid, Marco,” Ted blubbered, snot streaming from his nose.

      “Ted. Calm down, Ted. There aren’t any transgendered people here,” Marco whispered, running his hands through Ted’s greasy, thinning hair.

      “Their penis-pocket dresses are rustling. I can hear them with my special ears,” Ted whispered. He curled his doughy dadbod into a tight fetal shape and began to suck his thumb.

      1. Please stop, SF… please… *death rattle*

      2. He curled his doughy dadbod into a tight fetal shape and began to suck his thumb.

        lol.

      3. Needs a Li’l Taco reference.

      4. I don’t think I can eat . . . for the rest of my life . . . after reading this.

      5. If you had mixed some aroma in with that, I would have puked.

    2. Marco’s cock vomited chunky semen on Ted’s tits.

      omg

      1. Thanks for making me read it twice.

        *will never be hungry again*

    3. Have you sought psychiatric help, SF?

      1. This is my therapy.

        1. And now the rest of us need therapy.

        2. Should’ve been Ted, Nick, & the Jacket…

    4. You have the roles reversed. There is no way a Latin pretty boy like Rubio is the top. You are losing your touch.

      1. Who are you, who is so wise in the ways of science?

      2. Subverting expectations is what art is all about.

    5. At the first run of Ted’s tongue down his forearm, Marco’s cock vomited chunky semen on Ted’s tits.

      Beautiful. But now that your target is Rubio and Cruz, you’ve outed yourself as a cosmotarian. Why won’t you ever make fun of Hillary??

  43. You know, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all . . .

    The court ordered disbarment for Steele in a Dec. 1 opinion (PDF), citing wrongdoing that included “disclosing client confidences for purposes of both retaliation and amusement, threatening and intimidating his office staff [and] lying pervasively to all comers,” the Indiana Lawyer reports.

    “There can be no doubt in these circumstances that disbarment is warranted,” the court said. “The seriousness, scope, and sheer brazenness of respondent’s misconduct is outrageous. . . . ”

    (He also misappropriated client funds to give spontaneous “bonuses” to staff.)
    http://www.abajournal.com/news…..ervasively

    1. “Steele also recorded conversations of clients and potential clients for his own personal amusement, and shared those recordings with staffers and relatives. He “openly mocked” the recorded individuals in conversations with others and in a meeting with the state disciplinary commission.”

      1. A person would have to do something this brazen to be disbarred, correct?

        1. Well. Read the back pages of the bar journal. It seems once an attorney is reported for a grievance, there is also some evidence about use of trust accounts. (According to my ethics prof, that’s the first thing the bar checks – she used to work for the grievance commission).

  44. voters would face a choice of candidates widely viewed as not honest and trustworthy.

    That’s not news. That’s business as usual.

    1. Big Douche is more honest that Turd Sandwich? Who knew?

      1. And vice versa.

  45. Plainclothes sting catches dozens poaching whitefish on West Michigan piers

    About 25-30 people were ticketed and 50-70 fish seized, said Sgt. Jeff Rabbers of the DNR’s Law Enforcement Division. The individuals allegedly were “snagging” whitefish while the whitefish were running thick during their annual spawning run from Lake Michigan up West Michigan rivers.

    “It is an ongoing problem,” said Rabbers, who supervises Muskegon, Ottawa, Kent and Ionia counties. “It’s become over the year a bigger and bigger problem. … We’re seeing it expand along the shoreline as it becomes more popular.”

    It’s illegal to keep whitefish hooked in areas other than their mouths, or use baits with extra weights on them, Rabbers said.

    The DNR employed undercover plainclothes officers on the piers to catch the offenders, Rabbers said. The offenders included locals, people from other parts of the state and outside of the state, he said.

  46. Iraqis think the U.S. is in cahoots with the Islamic State, and it is hurting the war

    On the front lines of the battle against the Islamic State, suspicion of the United States runs deep. Iraqi fighters say they have all seen the videos purportedly showing U.S. helicopters airdropping weapons to the militants, and many claim they have friends and relatives who have witnessed similar instances of collusion.

    Ordinary people also have seen the videos, heard the stories and reached the same conclusion ? one that might seem absurd to Americans but is widely believed among Iraqis ? that the United States is supporting the Islamic State for a variety of pernicious reasons that have to do with asserting U.S. control over Iraq, the wider Middle East and, perhaps, its oil.

    “It is not in doubt,” said Mustafa Saadi, who says his friend saw U.S. helicopters delivering bottled water to Islamic State positions. He is a commander in one of the Shiite militias that last month helped push the militants out of the oil refinery near Baiji in northern Iraq alongside the Iraqi army.

    1. I’m not certain they’re wrong, or at least that it wasn’t the case at some point.

      1. Obama is so incompetent and such a feckless moron, it is hard to tell whose side he is on. Both sides rationally conclude he must be on the other side because there is no other way to explain his actions.

        1. It’s all part of that four-dimensional chess game the Lightworker is playing, John. Us mere humans can’t be expected to comprehend the full majesty of His works.

    2. I think there’s some underlying truth in the retardation here =

      US (& Saudi and Qatari etc) funds & arms poured into Syria to help bolster the anti-assad movement. ISIS bloomed in this environment. The US at the same time was strongarming the Iraqi leadership to try and de-fang the Shiite militias that were the most likely candidates to actually fight ISIS. In the meantime ISIS rolled into Northern Iraq and captured Mosul; rather than freak out about it, the US actually was pretty blase and remained “hands off”. It wasn’t until ISIS closed on Baghdad and captured Tikrit and Ramadi that the US finally decided to get involved and help push them out. And even then, there was the caveat that the US was only willing to help as long as the Shiite militias were kept on a short leash. And all of this done while the US insisted on more political representation for Sunnis in the Iraqi government, giving the impression that they were at least supporting some Sunni cause if not ISIS in particular.

      Despite the incompetence demonstrated by the US in Iraq, i doubt that any Arabs have shaken their faith that everything that happens in the region happens because the US and the Jews “allow it to”.

      1. But the US loves the Shiite militias when they need to cleanse an area of Sunnis.

        1. Not so much.

          When the Shiite Militias attacked Tikrit (and we had been insisting they be 100% “Iraqi Army” troops) and began to do their “rape burn loot” thing, US planes bombed them as well as ISIS positions. They in turn wildly claimed that they’d shoot American planes down, but ended up backing off and abandoning the fight under pressure from the Iraqi govt, whose survival depends on support from both US and Shiite militas.

          It was a retarded balancing act that we should never have been involved with, at best. Trying to pretend the US was “Supporting” the Iranian-backed militias is a stretch-too-far

          (tho i’ve seen some far-left media make this claim – because anytime there’s a war-time massacre of any significance, it just HAS to be because the US “made someone do it” or “supported” the bad-actors)

          this source provides a pretty clear outline of how US actions at the time were intended to *oust* the Iranian backed militias… as much as they were to support Iraqi-army efforts

          1. Not so much.

            In 2007, there was a little publicized purge by Shiite militias to rid Baghdad of much of it’s Sunni population with mostly with extortion and forced relocation but sometimes outright massacres. The Iraqi and US government forces turned a blind eye to this in order to make Baghdad a more stable place for the Iraqi government and it’s militia and tribal allies to operate.

            Some though would claim that all that cleansing going on was merely condoned by the Iraqi government and the US couldn’t stop it, but a more cynical person might conclude that Iraqi central gubmint and US occupation forces were on the same page about letting the militias do their thing until the US surge troops arrive to claim credit for the sudden drop in “sectarian violence” that was actually a result of all the ethnic cleansing.

            I’m by no means an America hater, I just recognize that a military is a government bureaucracy with really big guns.

    3. Notable = US Pledges Mo’Boots For ISIS Fight; Iraq Says, “No Need, Go Away”

      From my read of the Iraqi Govt.’s actual statement, it just sounds like the typical noises they make for the domestic political audience…. “We do not need these foreigners! We shall defeat the enemy with Iraqi blood!”

      (*meanwhile insisting to the Americans that Iraqi forces wont lift a finger unless they’re given a few hundred billlion and some jet planes…)

      There’s an interesting exchange in the embedded video; Its one of the first times you’ll find Fox News quasi-hostile to a military-guest.

      The ex-SF guy sighs and tells the Fox dude that “a handful of SF troops aren’t “Boots on the Ground” because that phrase (should) really mean fully-supported combat brigades with all the logistics and armor and artillery and air etc. that implies… and the Fox guy ignores him, yabbering “Boots! Boots! Obama said No Boots!!”.

      Then there’s the exasperated exchange where Fox guy (rightfully) questions whether “Diplomacy” is going to do anything to “defeat ISIS”, or cool-off a sectarian civil war…. And the guests (rightfully) shrugs and goes, “look, that’s what the SecDef said…”

  47. A Turkish court must decide whether The Lord of the Rings character Gollum is good or bad.

    He’s just conflicted. It’s a mental health issue.

    1. Transgoblin

    2. Are Hobbits Jewish?

  48. Good article here from the American Bar Association about years of junk science in arson convictions.

    So many people thrown in prison (and in Cameron Todd Willingham’s case, executed) because of shit like this.

    1. Arson and dental “evidence” is not science. I can’t believe they are allowed under the rules of evidence.

  49. We may not be at the end of peak derp, or even the beginning of the end of peak derp, but we may be at the end of the beginning of peak derp

  50. Americans Are Still Being Imprisoned For Being HIV Positive

    There has never been a documented case in which HIV was transmitted via saliva. But Willie Campbell, who is HIV positive, has been behind bars for nearly a decade and is serving a 35-year sentence for spitting at a Dallas police officer. According to the ruling, Campbell’s saliva was a deadly weapon, and spitting at the officer was akin to using a firearm.

    In 2008, Daniel Allen, who is also HIV positive, bit his neighbor during a fight and was subsequently arrested and charged ? with bioterrorism. Allen faced a possible 28-year prison sentence before the charges were thrown out.

    That same year, Patrice Ginn was sentenced to eight years behind bars on charges that she didn’t tell her partner she had HIV. There was conflicting testimony at the trial about whether or not she told him; he brought the charges only after their relationship ended. Ginn’s partner never actually contracted HIV.

    These are just three examples of how old laws still on the books all over the United States ? laws whose very premises are contradicted by science ? are still getting HIV-positive people arrested and sent to prison. Many of the behaviors that are criminalized have almost no chance of transmitting the virus.

    1. Jesus Christ. What the fuck do you say to that? God people are evil and stupid.

    2. I’ve questioned medical workers and not found a single case of HIV definitely being an STD. In the sixties, governments moved quickly to make some drugs more dangerous by banning clean needles (in the spirit of poisoning alcohol during that prohibition). These officious municipalities all had Hepatitis outbreaks in the 1970s and HIV outbreaks in the 1980s, just when Pravda was accusing the CIA of deliberately contaminating Afghan heroin with the virus so Soviet troops could carry it back to the USSR. The STD hypothesis is convenient to christian prohibitionists because 1. it lets them off the hook for causing the Hepatitis and HIV epidemics and 2. it points the finger at them commie atheists and immoral queers for bringing the Wrath of God down upon their own Gomorrahs.

  51. Twitter threats to black Kean students made by black alum, police say

    Park said an investigation by the Union County Prosecutor’s Office’s Special Prosecutions Unit and Kean University police found that McKelvey, a self-proclaimed activist, participated in a student rally to raise awareness of racism on college campuses on Nov. 17, but left midway through and walked to a computer station in a university library.

    Once there, McKelvey allegedly created an anonymous Twitter account ? @keanuagainstblk ? and began posting threats of violence against black Kean students.

    The first message around 10 p.m. said “kean university twitter against blacks is for everyone who hates blacks people” and a tweet about there being a bomb on the campus, and then continued with several other tweets about shooting black students at the university.

    1. She should protest against herself.

      1. She was just trying to point out a larger truth. Look, some white person would have made those threats eventually. Why wait for them to do it when you can deal with the problem now?

        I bet you anything this is what she tells herself.

        1. Why let little things like facts get in the way of the LargerTruth? of the narrative?

  52. Only the Lightbringer can deal with this!

    “Obama brushes off GOP threats to climate efforts”
    […]
    “President Obama wrapped up his visit to the Paris climate talks on Tuesday by brushing off threats that his climate-change efforts would be thwarted by Republicans in Washington.
    […]
    “Climate change is a massive problem,” he said. “It’s a generational problem. It’s a problem that by definition is just about the hardest thing for any political system to absorb” because the effects are gradual and diffuse.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/world/ar…..668490.php

    1. “Climate change Government is a massive problem,” he said. “It’s a generational problem. It’s a problem that by definition is just about the hardest thing for any political system to absorb” because the effects are gradual and diffuse.”

  53. George Washington University researchers say they’ve found approximately 300 American ISIS sympathizers on Twitter.

    Both Twiiter and facebook have often fucked with Americans with conservative or out of the mainstream political views. But apparently promoting ISIS is just a okay.

  54. All you Americans Are Fired

    Last year, thousands of American companies won permission to bring a total of more than 150,000 people into the country as legal guest workers for unskilled jobs, under a federal program that grants them temporary work permits known as H-2 visas. Officially, the guest workers were invited here to fill positions no Americans want: The program is not supposed to deprive any American of a job, and before a company wins approval for a single H-2 visa, it must attest that it has already made every effort to hire domestically. Many companies abide by the law and make good-faith efforts to employ Americans.

    Yet a BuzzFeed News investigation, based on Labor Department records, court filings, more than 100 interviews, inspector general reports, and analyses of state and federal data, has found that many businesses go to extraordinary lengths to skirt the law, deliberately denying jobs to American workers so they can hire foreign workers on H-2 visas instead.

    A previous BuzzFeed News report found that many of those foreign workers suffer a nightmare of abuse, deprived of their fair pay, imprisoned, starved, beaten, sexually assaulted, or threatened with deportation if they dare complain.

    1. From a Libertarian perspective, they have every right to fire all the Americans and hire foreigners. That likely won’t be a popular position but it is the correct strict Libertarian one. Libertarians should just admit that instead of pretending that this stuff never happens and immigrants only do jobs Americans won’t do and have no effect on wages and employment levels.

      1. Is it better to bring in guest workers or to move the factory to them?

        For many reasons, I think bringing the workers to the factory is better.

      2. I suppose that ideally you would not need these special visas and rules to bring in foreign workers, and what you wind up with now is bad on all sides because the companies are forced to lie about their motivations and it traps the foreign workers.

        On the other hand, what we have here are employers who are attempting to subvert the local market by importing a new population who are likely cheap because they have a lower skill set than local labor.

      3. Yes, this is true. And I don’t think being an American gives anyone any more right to a particular job than anyone else. That’s a notion that goes right along with “you didn’t build that”.
        I happen to also think that immigration is a good thing overall, but that is secondary to the main, principled argument.

      4. Libertarians should just admit that instead of pretending that this stuff never happens and immigrants only do jobs Americans won’t do and have no effect on wages and employment levels.

        Wed do, John…

        It would be good of you to stop implying that we don’t….

        NB: Cytotoxic, being an objectivist is nae truu libertarian. Which is convenient, because I gather he is the sort of idiot that dogmatically insists that his preferred policies have 0 negative consequences.

        1. John can see straight into our souls, so he doesn’t have to pay attention to silly things like what people actually say.

    2. a BuzzFeed News investigation

      My brain is having trouble making sense out of this phrase.

      1. Whew! For a minute there I thought it might just be me.

    3. H-2 visas should be time based. You must be sponsored by a company for application, but once your over here your here until the time runs out. Company can fire you, you can pick up another job, or you can go live off your own savings, but no deportation unless you commit a crime or your time runs out. That would get rid of a lot of the abuses that go on under the current laws.

  55. oooops.

    A lawsuit is seeking more than $1 million after a pair of ambulance workers failed to spot a man in the driver’s seat of a car that crashed into a tree.

    The lawsuit was filed Nov. 24 in Genesee Circuit Court by the law firm of Geoffrey Fieger on behalf of the estate of the car crash victim, Cortez Lionel Cheathams, against the ambulance campany, Mobile Medical Response.

    http://www.mlive.com/news/flin…..river_home

    1. One would think that the driver’s seat is the first place to look after a car accident.

      1. Maybe they thought he stepped out for a minute?

        1. Right, and the Earth whacked the car with a tree. I can see an attorney making that appeal to relativism if not relativity.

  56. “A Turkish court must decide whether The Lord of the Rings character Gollum is good or bad.”

    It’s a complicated question. If they see Gandalf as Odin in his wanderer guise, they might conclude that Sauron working against a pagan god was a good thing from a Muslim perspective, and Gollum destroying the means of Sauron’s power as evil.

    Meanwhile, Frodo’s conversion to the principles of Christianity by the end of the book could actually be seen as an acceptance of Muslim predestination. Frodo won’t let anyone kill Saruman, but that doesn’t matter because Wormtongue is predestined by Allah to kill Saruman anyway. In the Muslim construction, people aren’t evil because they sin; they sin because Allah predestined them for evil–everything that happens is God’s will. You have none of your own.

    Gollum himself can be seen as an instrument of Muslim predestination that way. Just because Gollum was doing God’s will when he destroyed the ring doesn’t mean he was good. Everyone is doing Godl’s will–the good and the evil alike. We’re powerless against it.

    If only we could get Muslims to accept that everyone should be free to follow their own hearts–because governments are powerless to resist God’s will, as well. I guess their faith in the authenticity of the Quran belies that.

    1. The article says the defendant is charged with insulting the President of Turkey by comparing him to Gollum.

      So this isn’t a heresy prosecution, except in the sense that it’s heretical to deny nationalist orthodoxy.

      1. Gollum destroyed the ring and Sauron. He was an instrument of Eru’s will. Maybe the President of Turkey should take it as a compliment.

        Meanwhile, the question of whether Tolkien having infused LOTR with Norse destiny complicates the morality of the story from the perspective of Muslim predestination is an interesting one.

        I’ve actually had this discussion with Muslims.

        1. I don’t think “you manage to do good despite the worst intentions and your black little heart” is much of a complement.

          Maybe the president of Turkey should suck it up and stop being a bitch.

          I guess I’d better not go to Turkey now.

      2. I side with Led Zeppelin:

        “But Gollum, the evil one
        Crept up and slipped away with her”

        1. “But Gollum, the evil one
          Crept up and slipped away with her”

          From memory, it’s, “But Gollum [and] the evil one”–two different entities.

          Besides, I don’t think Zeppelin lyrics are admissible in Turkish courts.

          Incidentally, I consider Turkish toilets to be a crime against humanity. Especially now that some glorious entrepreneur has invented this:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q

    2. If they see Gandalf as Odin in his wanderer guise, they might conclude that Sauron working against a pagan god was a good thing from a Muslim perspective

      That might work if Sauron weren’t exactly the same kind of being that Gandalf was. I don’t think they take sides in battles among pagan gods.

      Gollum lost so much of his own agency to the ring that he was more pitiful than anything. But being motivated almost entirely by desire for the ring and being willing to commit murder or worse to obtain what he desired, I’d say he is on the evil side. If you are going to judge people based on their deliberate actions, I don’t think you could say he was good in any way, even though he did ultimately (and unintentionally) bring about the end of Sauron.

      1. “Gollum lost so much of his own agency to the ring that he was more pitiful than anything.”

        While it’s true that even Frodo succumbed to the ring in the end, I think there was some deep seated, greedy flaw already in Smeagol’s character to exploit when the ring first found him.

        Everyone succumbs to the lust for power eventually, and not even Frodo was capable of resisting it in the end. But there are those who can refuse it at first. Gandalf refused it. Aragorn refused it when offered. The Lady of the Wood refused it. Sam gave it back to Frodo.

        Boromir couldn’t resist it because he had a character flaw, and Gollum had that character flaw, too.

        It’s just different from a Muslim perspective because the good ones aren’t good because they refused the ring. They refused the ring because they’re good. None of them had any choice but to do God’s will. Gollum didn’t want to do God’s will and destroy the ring–but the ring wouldn’t have been destroyed without him. They wouldn’t have made it into Mordor without him either. It’s as if Gollum were doing God’s will every step of the way–even when he was planning to get Frodo killed.

        Calling the President of Turkey “Gollum” could mean he’s doing God’s will even when he doesn’t want to.

  57. “Legislators are coming together on a $305 billion bill to fund federal transportation”

    “Here’s $300bn in bus-fare = make sure all the congresspeople get one-way tickets to the middle of nowhere and don’t come back”

  58. Of the ten FBI pretext categories for denying Second Amendment rights (link above), only one (domestic violence) definitely involves aggression. Another (stalking) involves possibly menacing, but all the rest more probably have to do with marijuana than with genuine crimes having actual victims. What percentage of those revocations of individual rights are the consequence of prior prohibitionist revocations of individual rights?
    Are Alaska potheads busted during intermittent prohibition still denied Second Amendment rights after legalization is resumed?

    1. And a lot of domestic violence convictions are bullshit too. Someone I work with got a misdemeanor conviction because he got angry and threw a diaper bag at his girlfriend’s feet and now can’t pass the background check. All it really takes is having some psycho in your life who is willing to call the police over bullshit.

      When it comes to weed, I think it is federal law that matters.

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