Reason Weekly Contest: The War on Bacon
Last week's winners revealed.


Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
Now that the World Health Organization has declared war on bacon, please come up with the name of some annoying bacon alternative.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "BACON" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Nov. 2. Winners will appear Nov. 6, right here at Reason.com.
In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: An anonymous teen hacker seems to have stolen files from CIA Director John Brennan's private email account. We asked you to tell us the surprising subject line for one of them.
THE WINNER: Sorry Hillary, but what's my password again? -- Mark Johnson, Cedar Rapids, IA
SECOND PLACE: Meeting Cancellation: June 12, Lizard Overlords Off-Planet for Galaxy Domination Conference -- Tracy Davis, Lawrence, KS
THIRD PLACE: Subject: Nick Gille-spy -- L.B. Lebin, Mill Hall, PA
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Subject: Nigerian Prince—DRONE HIM ASAP!
Third time this year that motherfucker has promised to share his money with me and welched on the deal. Someone get a drone in the air and take him out ASAP. I'll teach him to mess with the Director of the CI motherfucking A. -- Mike Spinney, Boston, MA
Subject: Winner! Al-Qaeda Weekly Contest -- Colin Blake, Boston, MA
Re: Your Patent Submission, "The Clapper" Lie Detector -- K.C. Decker, Denton, MD
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Just Baco
Facon is the obvious one.
Tomacon
Turkey Bacon
Soy Bacon
Tofacon
What's Shacon
Cankle Bacon. Well aged and tastes like Huma, but WDDIM,
Meh. I like a lean bacon.
I'm surprised I haven't seen a headline like: "World Health Organization declares bacon causes cancer... nobody cares"
Kale.
You don't suppose the "H" in "WHO" stands for "halal", do you?
Crown Chicken just opened a store nearby. It's a halal fast food joint. Think I'm gonna check it out this weekend.
Not to be all conspiracy guy; but when the WHO released the study, my first thought was they were trying to cuddle up with The Religion Of Peace.
That and the global warming crowd.
They have already been talking about world vegetarianism for years.
Fuck them.
Jeez, do the Joos get nothing?
When I heard about this I thought, "didn't we already know this and decide that we don't care?"
In any case, it's not specifically about pork or bacon. You can cure other animal meats too. If you want to see a conspiracy behind it, I'd look to ethical vegetarians and environmentalists.
I can't believe it's not cancerous!
Nice.
+1 It's not a toomah!
Kelpcon
Gluten Free, Fair Trade, Non GMO, No Trans-fat, Organic, without artificial ingredients, colors or preservatives textured soy strips - Soycon.
Eebedee, eebedee, that's not my folks!!
Nice one. Made my day. 🙂
My submission - Soylent Brown.
Hormel Jello Quaalude Strips.
Gaia's dancing indigo bacon
(nods to John)
Fakon
Get fooled again by Roger Daltrey's Bacon Substitute! It's WHO Approved!
Nice.
Egg whites are pretty annoying.
'Besto Star - nicotine and tar-infused asbestos rashers.
Vape Bacon
smoke that shit
Bac-un
Ooooh, nice.
Canadian Bacon
New and improved Soylent Brown Brand Facon; Gluten Free & non GMO, Greener, Cleaner, CRISPR, the only brand of Facon on the market that takes seriously its pledge to reduce the human carbon footprint with every package sold. (Legal Disclaimer:.. although this product is EPA, FDA, USDA, WHO and UN certified to contain no pork or pork byproducts, its Halal and/or Kosher certification has not been determined at this point in time. Consumption of said products may be at the risk of your own mortal soul.) That being said..Bacon anyone?
Zimzimityzoo!