Planned Parenthood in the Hot Seat, Edward Snowden Is on the Twitter, Speaker Race: P.M. Links


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  1. “Matt Damon Suggests Gay Actors Should Stay in the Closet.” Not true!

    Makes for better filmmaking!

    1. I hung out with a closeted talent manager this weekend who encouraged his talent to stay in the closet until they get big enough it won’t hurt their career. It killed me a little inside.

      1. And you’re aiding and abetting this closeted monster… No wonder he’s for staying in the closet!

      2. If he’s in the closet, then how did you know?

        1. I was on a boat. Everyone’s gay on a boat. I didn’t need to know.

          1. Because of the implications?

            1. Well, they *were* under way.

      3. It killed me a little inside

        That’s what you get for hanging out in a closet.

      4. I challenge anyone to show how being out of the closet works against you in the Entertainment business.

        I’d say it is much more likely he wants them to stay in the closet for them to become big enough that they can use coming out of the closet for PR purposes

        1. They all remember how Rupert Everett’s career fizzled.

          1. Rupert Everett is a unique man:

            Everett criticised the introduction of same-sex marriage, stating: ‘”I loathe heterosexual weddings. The wedding cake, the party, the champagne, the inevitable divorce two years later. It’s just a waste of time in the heterosexual world, and in the homosexual world I find it personally beyond tragic that we want to ape this institution that is so clearly a disaster.”‘

        2. I think it’s a strong pattern in country music and sports: stay in the closet, have a few fake romances, as your career fades come out and get a small bump of renewed interest and maybe some new fans that would’ve otherwise not been exposed to you.

          In acting there has been an ongoing problem with gay actors getting typecast in gay roles, and since gay cinema tends to be schlock it impairs their careers.

          I believe Matt Bomer has particularly transcended that, but not without people griping about him being too gay to play a straight male stripper.

        3. I challenge anyone to show how being out of the closet works against you in the Entertainment business.

          All the little girls who had crushes on Lance Bass.

          1. First: Those little girls are in their late 20’s to mid 30’s now, back in the 1990’s there was a stigma against being openly gay, in 2015, not so much

            Second: you honestly think todays versions of those little girls would stop having a crush on the guy because he’s gay? No they’ll just like him that much more for being so honest and real and secretly dream that he’d go straight just for her.

            1. I think it does have negative consequences for the Lance Bass reason. Not that women dislike openly gay men or want to discriminate, but being open precludes some aspect of the intangible romantic leading man thing.

    2. Hello.

      Did that actor who played Spider-Man (Garfield is it?) recently say Spider-Man should be gay because why not?

      Yes. Let’s fuck around with an established character for SJW!

      Why doesn’t Garfield just write his own gay super hero? Why do this people always want to mess with something that doesn’t need tinkering?

      1. But what other DC universe character should he hook up with?

        Release the slashfic.

        1. Robin.

          1. Yeh those booties are pretty faggy.

        2. Spider-Man is Marvel, not DC. NTTAWWT.

          1. Spider-Man is Marvel, not DC.

            And Midnighter is already in a relationship.

            1. I thought he and Apollo had split. I just read the 2007 run and haven’t gotten to the new run where he’s cruising Scruff.

      2. “‘ Spider-Man should be gay””

        Mary-Ann is just a supportive friend anyway.

    3. Was he referencing him and Ben?

      Damofleck? Batt?

    4. “I think you’re a better actor the less people know about you, period,”

      Damon, who has four children with wife

      I think I already know too much about Matt Damon.

      1. Knowing anything about Matt Damon is too much.

        1. Going forward I expect to see far fewer male actors frolicking on the beach or hanging out at Spago with their latest supermodel girlfriends – y’know, because acting.

    5. I’m glad that was cleared up cause I totally give a fuck what Matt Damon says.

  2. Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richard defended her organization in a speech to Congress.

    Cecile? Like the lion?

    1. Yes. Her brother died, and then he didn’t die.

      1. Arose after three days?

        You know else..?

        1. Me after a bender?

  3. Free coffee? I just walk out without paying?

    1. I know Dunkin’ D’s was giving out free coffee today. Probably a lot of other places too.

      1. My coffeeshop did not get this memo. Grumble.

        1. You probably just didn’t scream at the barista loud enough.

          1. She’s new. I did learn her name though.

        2. Didn’t appear to make it across the pond either.

      2. You don’t buy DD coffee anyway, you just rent it.

    2. When is National Car Day? Or National Condo Day.

      1. What’s up with the price of condos? Why are they more than houses?

  4. Jeb Bush’s campaign has its work cut out for it.

    They’ve yet to win over Barbara.

    1. I believe it was Robin Williams who said that Barbara Bush is already on the $1 bill.

  5. Carly Fiorina likes waterboarding.

    This is going to lead to some sick Sugar Free shit, isn’t it?

  6. Edward Snowden has joined Twitter. His first Tweet: “Can you hear me now?”

    I’d say clicking “follow” on Snowden guarantees some extra automated scrutiny from our digital overlords.

    1. I signed you up. You’re welcome.

    2. I didn’t realize Snowden endorses Verizon.

    3. I think we’d all said that at one time or another. Gotta tow than lion somehow.

    4. So does being a regular visitor to this website

      1. Just viewing this website gets you that.

        Being a regular visitor gets you assigned seating on the train to NSA summer camp.

    5. How does Snowden on Twitter merit a Hit n Run post on its own and a PM Link? This just seems like a weird fanboy interest nonstory.

  7. His first Tweet: “Can you hear me now?”

    Someone’s getting that sweet Verizon money.

    1. Well, can they?

    2. And Verizon is getting NSA money. It’s all so confusing.

      1. It’s like an ouroboros snake of pickpockets and circlejerkers.

    3. I thought it was the opposite: now he’s on Verizon’s shit list, and will be extradited for copyright infringement.

    4. Someone’s getting that sweet Verizon money.

      Yes. Yes, he is. Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.

  8. Oh, thank Science, the PM Links. Finally a welcome diversion from Trump and the shitfit going on in the Trans article.

    1. What, you don’t like talking about the existential horror that is Warty’s penis?

      1. That entire thread is an existential horror and an abomination against nature. But damn it, articles about government corruption and blatant abuse of power don’t get the clicks, so expect more of it tomorrow.

        1. That article was about the blatant abuse of government power.

          1. The comments took it in a very different direction.

            1. Glad I got in with the second comment and got out. We seem to be getting a lot of those mega threads lately.

    2. “Is that a gun in your pocket, or is it just an anomaly?”

      1. That was my comment

    3. So, you approve of Ryan Adams covering T-Swizzle’s 1989 album?


      1. Crusty, while I may not tacitly endorse your- *shudder* – taste in women, recreational activities, or tawdry hobbies, rest assured that I am 100% pro-shitty-cover-album. So on that you have my vote.

    1. Independent Police Review Authority investigators and supervisors on Monday will begin a five-day course led by Bill Lewinski, founder and leader of the Minnesota-based Force Science Institute, according to internal IPRA records.

      Jesus fucking christ of course they are.

      Bill Lewinski should be first through the woodchipper, btw. Metaphorically speaking.

      1. Bill L fucking loves Force Science!

    2. Why do you hate our Heroes in Blue?

    3. One of my friends is a Chicago cop and he hates talking about work. Another friend likes to poke the hornet’s nest.

      So on Sunday night the cop after lots of insistence by the nest-poker finally started bitching about his job. To make a long story short: end of shift, pulls a guy for swerving into oncoming traffic lane (no traffic but did it 3 times), sees bag of mj and gun on front seat, arrests him. Guy wants trial, and judge lets him off which pissed of my cop buddy.

      As I said goodnight at the end of his story, I so much wanted to say “Once you escalated in into victim-less crime territory, I was rooting against you and I’m glad you lost.” Which is basically what the judge said by her actions.

  9. “It’s National Coffee Day, so go have a cup for free somewhere.”

    You know what day Bill Clinton would like to establish?

    1. Bill Clinton Day? (Is this one of those H&R contest/game thingies?)

      1. That depends on what you mean by “is”

    2. Free “milk in my coffee”?

      1. Paging Teenage Girl. Teenage Girl to the white courtesy phone, please.

    3. Intern Day, Cigar day, Rape day, Hillarys out of town day

  10. Carly Fiorina likes waterboarding.

    Kind of like Kerry liked windsurfing?

  11. Edward Snowden has joined Twitter. His first Tweet: “Can you hear me now?”

    Snowden must think we have one of those Twitters that reads the messages aloud.

    I do not.

  12. More Canadians are 65 and over than under age 15, StatsCan says

    For the first time ever, there are now more people in Canada age 65 and over than there are under age 15, according to Statistics Canada.

    Looking forward to more of that intergenerational theft-by-voting.

    1. Who cares about Canadians?

      1. Well me, but I am a vested interest in doing that.

      2. The Wendigo?

        1. Yes! I think this was my favorite from those scary stories books.

        2. That would propose a solution on what Canada should do with all those extra old people.

          1. Send them to America!

      3. Me!

      4. Wolverine?

    2. There’s an easy fix for this – enormous immigration from wartorn, fundamentalist Islamic nations.

      As Europe has shown, there are no drawbacks. You get lots of young workers, you get to consider yourself noble and just, and you get great cardiovascular exercise when you’re dodging grenade attacks using military hardware appropriated from the Balkan War or fleeing from rape gangs that the cops don’t want to arrest out of fear they’ll be called racists.

      Western values are for pussies. Embrace the caliphate, you pasty old Canadians.

      The Malmo, Sweden grenade attacks are actually my favorite ridiculous story of the year because of the reaction of the oh-so PC Swedes. Take this guy:

      “These attacks are creating terror and it plays into the hand of the far right” said Joakim Palmkvist, a Swedish journalist and author of Mafia War. “The general effect is scaring the public to an extent that has been unknown before.”

      I’m glad you’re focusing on the real problem here, which is the potential benefit this will provide to right-wingers rather than the people actually throwing grenades around.

      1. Hilariously, Canada imports about 1% of its population every year. But, because we have an ocean to the east, an ocean to the west, north pole north and a thousands-mile wall called the SU south, we get to choose who comes. With a rigorous point-based process, and family reunification rules being administrative, not legislative, Canada can always choose how many of which immigrant class it takes. And the best part, if fake refugees start showing up, just slap a visa on them and problem solved (as was done to Mexicans and Roma from Czech Republic and Hungary).
        And trust me on “rigorous points-based process” from personal experience.

        1. It’s all well and good — but then you have to actually live in Canada. I could get a Canadian residence permit but no way would I spend 3 out of 5 years in the Arctic.

          1. Do what most of us do, and live close to US border, where it’s only Montana cold!

            Or try and squeeze into the Pacific area, where one snowfall means multi-city emergencies.

            1. Yeh. Quebec has biting cold weather, obscene snow falls and they speak the wrong language.

              Something called Fuawrench.

              1. Here’s a BBC Report that makes me want to vote BQ. Or punch the reporter interviewing. Or punch the professor interviewed. Or everyone else involved.

        2. Our ‘rigorous points based approach’ is more government pretending is has the answers when it doesn’t and the right to determine who we associate with when it doesn’t, at massive cost to Canadians. Just. Let. Them. In.

      2. I read the article. There has apparently been thirty of these attacks since the new year. WTF, why are people tossing grenades at random? Seriously, this latest one just did property damage and didn’t even hit anybody. What are these guys hoping to accomplish. Are they just generally mad and want to watch the world burn?

        1. At some point, you start doing that shit because you can. It’s a statement of supremacy over others – “I chucked a grenade on the street. I could have chucked it into your house. What are you gonna do about it?”
          Plus, all the “refugees” need to sort out who is in charge of the newly obtained land, and, say what you will, hand grenades are excellent at that sort of thing.
          My new favorite, from Germany:

          Pakistanis fight Albanians in a refugee camp. Because pecking order needs to be established.

        2. It’s the welfare state. This is what it does to people. See also: American inner cities.

      3. Malm? has been hit by more than 30 explosions since the start of the year. At one point in July four grenade attacks were reported in under a week. Last year, a total of 25 blasts took place in the city over the whole of 2014.

        I thought, of all places, Sweden’s common-sense grenade control would make this sort of thing impossible. Did they pass an insane shall-issue concealed-carry law that allows immigrants to keep and bear grenades?

      4. Europe’s immigration can be summed up as ‘short term pain, long term massive gain’.

    3. There’s a fix for this: open borders. Also: under the table tax avoidance.

  13. I’d say clicking “follow” on Snowden guarantees some extra automated scrutiny from our digital overlords.

    1. You know, I’ve heard the same thing.


    By 2050, human-on-robot sex will be more common than human-on-human sex

    1. But robosexual marriage will likely still be illegal.

      1. If anyone asks, I’m her debugger.

        1. Debugger? I hardly know her!

      2. The space pope is against it, and that’s good enough for me.

        1. The Space Church has a long history of robophobia. It’s totally out of touch

        2. Condemned by all seven popes and the Orange Catholic Bible?

    2. It just occurred to me that this will particularly enrage feminists since women will no longer be gatekeepers for most sex.

      1. Is robosex actually sex or just elaborate masturbation?

        If I have sex with a man, and then replace him piece by piece with cybernetic parts and build a new man out of the fleshy bits will a three way still be monogamous?

        1. Probably depends on how realistic the sexbots are. I’m sure the first generation will be more like masturbation, but eventually, they will make your partner jealous.

        2. The other Turing test: if a smooth young boybot blows you and you can’t tell it’s a robot, is it sentient?

          1. Or are you?

          2. Warty knows all about proclivities for little boys

            1. You forgot to end your sentence with a period.

        3. Four robots are having sex on the tracks, and a trolley is about to hit and destroy them. On another track, two robots are holding signs protesting robosex. Should you flip the switch, changing which track the trolley will run on, or does it not matter because robots are not “alive”?

          1. Which robots do you find more attractive?

        4. Is it morally permissible to destroy a robot prior to its initial bootup?

          1. Or is it…morally required?

            1. Good point. Is it a moral offense to bring a robotconsciousness into being, so it experiences inevitable memory degradation and encoder failures?

              1. No, it is a moral offense to create a graven image, as creation of the human form belongs to Allah.

                1. You know lots about what cultists believe in. Why doesn’t a photograph count as a graven image to these idiots. Or does it?

        5. If I have sex with a man, and then replace him piece by piece with cybernetic parts and build a new man out of the fleshy bits will a three way still be monogamous?

          Interesting question, Mr. Dahmer …

        1. 12 years after my acquaintance said that and this still makes me sad.

          1. Because of how guilty you feel for hating women, right?

            1. Hahahahahahaha. Oh, Nikki. Why would I feel guilty about that?

        2. Wait… what? That’s a thing? you’re kidding.

          I don’t even understand the theory.

          1. I can’t phrase it in a way that’s not retarded, but basically, “you want us for anything!”

            1. Dont. Don’t want.

              1. I thought Women’s Liberation was all about not being mere-tools for procreation etc.?

                I’d think hetero-Feminists d love gay porn for a) its genuine appeal (ALL THAT DICK!), b) it giving them the opportunity to ‘Celebrate’ gays, c) ALL THAT DICK? d) something to use to make their boyfriends uncomfortable?

                1. So much dick, dude. So much dick. It is a wondrous thing.

                2. It came up when someone was ranting about how “all porn demeans women” I said “Ummm, I’m pretty sure mine only demeans men…lots and lots of men” and she responded “Gay porn demeans women by saying they aren’t necessary.”

                  I wish I could say I had a witty rejoinder but I was so gobsmacked by it that I just stared with my mouth agape.

                  1. “I wish I could say I had a witty rejoinder”

                    I would have gone with,

                    “but they’re *not*?”

                    1. Believe me I have a dozen years of l’esprit d’escalier built up on this one. She was a standard SJW and I think it would’ve been fun to walk her into saying that if that was the problem with gay porn then it was a problem with male homosexuality, and watch the New Left alliance in her head crumble, but instead I stared blankly.

                    2. But…wait…women are necessary for gay sex???

                    3. For now, Warty, for now.

                      *Returns to prototype of Homouterotron 8000 artificial womb and homoizer*

      2. SJW heads will explode, it’s like the ultimate revenge on them. When the sexbots arrive, everyone will totally ignore them. They’ll try to lobby congress to pass laws against the sexbots. Of course they’ll want the sexbots too since no one will have sex with them. It’s going to be hilarious.

        1. “Do you have a license for that sexbot, sir? To the Gulag with you!”

    3. Why wait for 2050? You always have vacuum cleaners and knotholes in trees…I’ve heard.

      1. Vacuum cleaners, really?

        I have never looked at a vacuum cleaner and thought, maybe I’ll try hitting that. Even when I was like 14.

        Maybe I missed out on a right of passage.

        1. Maybe I know for a fact that you did, and maybe there is still time.

        2. A book I read that chronicled embarrassing injuries claimed that, statistically speaking, if one were to rank the causes of male masturbation ending with injuries requiring a visit to the ER, sticking in vacuum cleaners was at the top, followed by sticking it in the suction inlet for swimming pools’ filtration systems.

          1. The trick is to not be embarrassed.

          2. I would have figured sticking hard objects into one’s ass was a more common mode of injury. Who looks at a vacuum cleaner and goes, “hmmmm…I bet I could stick my cock in that…”?

            1. The pool filter can rip your insides out

                1. I’ve heard of that happening to kids. Ew.

                  By the way, the little one is walking now. FEAR.

            2. Nobody linked this?

        3. GKC is just trying to trick all you sinners into getting your wiener ripped off.

    4. Human-on-hand or human-on-vibrating-plastic sex is vastly more common than human-on-human sex now. Are we going to panic because people will have more complicated dildoes in the future? Of course we are.

      1. Some people are going to complain. Guess what? They will be the same people who complain about everything now. SJWs.

        1. Is the freakout coming from the left end of the KULTUR WAR pantsshitters? It would feel right coming from either side*.

          *that’s what she said.

          1. I’m sure we’ll see it coming from both sides. But I think the SJWs will be the most vocal, just like they are now about every perceived sin.

            1. The SJWs are also the more likely to win.

              Haven’t seen the right win a cultural battle ever.

              Comics, NASA, atheism, games, nerd conventions, SF/F, Hollywood, MSM, open source, UN, reddit, reason magazine, etc.. have all fallen or been severely damaged by SJWs

              1. Games aren’t damaged at all. Gamers are almost 100% united in their hatred of SJWs and the game companies are making billions. Guess who’s paying the bills?

    5. But what about robot-on-human sex?

      1. There is some serious BDSM potential, here, too. Could you imagine a robot dom? This is brilliant.

        1. Truth. Domination is work. Still, how submissive does one have to be to truly surrender to a robot? It’s the mindfuckery, not the physical act that makes BDSM. A robot dom is still pretty much controlled by the sub. That said, I don’t support any common sense regulation of robot doms.

          1. Not necessarily, Waf.

            By your argument, ANY dom is controlled by the sub since the sub, at any time, can end the scene/relationship/contract. But this is the conundrum of “topping from the bottom.” This is just a feature of BDSM relationships, and one each scene participant has to work out with the other members.

            That said, you could easily allow someone else to program the Dombot*, thereby distancing one’s self further from control. Or even allow real-time control of the Dombot, either by hiring a single controller, or doing a crowd-controll of the machine (why don’t we already have something like this?) And this is not even taking into account the idea of “programs” that the dombot can select, or from which it can choose randomly.

            *Not Doombot, which would still be a pretty sick name.

            1. I agree with you. I have no desire to venture into subspace but if I did I don’t think I could ever really relinquish control. For some people submission can be turned on like a light switch.

          2. “Truth. Domination is work”

            Much to my wife’s chagrin one of the two main reasons I am not into BDSM.

            The other being that I find someone submitting to me to be a massive turn off, I want my partner to be insatiably enthusiastic to be having sex with me, not to feel like I am forcing her into it, even though I know I am not really forcing her and I’m doing what she wants 99% of the time it just doesn’t work for me.

            1. Yup. Maybe the DomBot isn’t such a bad idea. Kinksters and pornographers are always on the bleeding edge of technology. We’ll see it soon enough. No amount of SJW/Feminist/SoCon whining can stop the robosexual revolution.

            2. So much this^

        2. That would seem to break two of the Three Laws.

          1. By that standard wouldn’t a treadmill be breaking the Three Laws?

            Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?

    6. What would a human-human-robot threeway be called?

      1. A good time?

      2. Mutual masturbation with a ‘marital aide’?

      3. The Dweebil’s 3 way.

    7. I’d say clicking “follow” on Snowden guarantees your robot’s bic could pass as some extra automated scrutiny from our digital overlords.

    8. Err so?

      I’d wager that sex with a combination of vibrators, dildos, fleshlights, and blow up dolls probably outnumbers human on human sex in most western nations.

      The simple fact is that a person has far more opportunity to masturbate than they do to have sex with someone else and given the headaches that can come with having to interact with another person it is frequently more satisfying.

      Robots are just a minor improvement on what is already happening

      1. Robots are just a minor improvement on what is already happening

        You misspelled ‘gargantuan improvement.’

    9. Do dildos count as robots? Because if so, proportions might be already shifting.

      1. Hit and Run is always telling me all I need to know about teledildonics.

    10. At some point, lifelike robots will be having sex with each other. These cheap and tireless and slutty workers will put human porn stars out of business. Then there will be a period when people yearn for real actors in their porn again, and they’ll be willing to pay a premium for it. Everyone’s daughters will be tempted by this easy money. The sexbot factories will put out even more lifelike robots to compete. And before long we’ll all end up living like Sneechs on the beaches.


    11. From the comments
      Let’s suppose that these types of robots were available to most people with the means to pay for them (e.g. in the $2-3K range), and that they were able to fulfill physical and emotional needs of their owners (men and women respectively). I think as a result the family would be mortally wounded – population growth and economic output of nations would suffer as a result. Demographics and nations without the means to purchase these robots would become much more dominant – the poorer demographics would result in significant decline in education levels and per capita GDP within 20-30 years after wide adoption of these robots.


      1. Sounds like it is both a self correcting problem AND good for the environment.

        1. Yeah the overpopulation nutjobs should be all over this.

  15. New Wombbath. Fuck, how did I miss this..first album since ’93

  16. Jeb Bush’s campaign has its work cut out for it.

    A couple of good ratfuckers will fix that.

    Lee Atwater is dead, Karl Rove has a Fox News gig but there are lots of others with the skills.

    1. Pretty sure king ratfucker David Weigel is in the can for Hilary right now…

      Just like he was in the can for Hilary in September/October of 2007.

  17. England can’t fall to fourth in the league coefficient fast enough for me.

    1. If Liverpool/Spurs don’t do well enough in the Europa this year, England may lose that 4th Champions league spot.

      1. I don’t think Italy can realistically overtake England this year. Maybe next.

        1. I agree. Not this year.

          And not with Roma that’s for sure.

          Useless fucks.

          1. Once Serie A passes EPL, it will also make a charge at Bundesliga. Historical coefficient leaders is Liga, Serie A, EPL, Bundesliga in that order.

      2. I think it is unlikely that Italy will pass England over this season. Last season’s coefficient by Italy was the highest by any country since the current system was implemented. It’s unlikely to be repeated.

        1. Should have added an “eventually” in there. We know that England’s Champions League teams are going to do terribly, except for the Scum, which mysteriously got an easy draw like they do every year. So if Liverpool and Spurs don’t do the job in the Europa, it’s going to be a lot easier for England to get passed soon.

          1. I don’t get overly worked up over soccer. I try but I don’t. The only time I really got pissed was when Milan was bitch slapping Liverpool and had a 10 minute brain cramp in 2007 and lost the final.

            To me that was more Milan losing it than Liverpool winning it since Milan held net dominance through out.

            And one of the penalty goals should not have stood.

            Fin rehashing.

            1. Miracle of Istanbul (Liverpool’s comeback against Milan) was 2005, not 2007. As a Liverpool fan, I cried at the end of that one. Still the only sporting event that’s ever made me cry.

              2007 was a 2-1 Milan win over Liverpool.

              1. Yeah sorry. It didn’t feel right as I typed that.


                /narrows gaze.

              2. I’ve only been following Liverpool since 2010. There was a time they didn’t suck?

                (Yes, I know there was.)

                (I have just never seen it.)

                1. Speaking of suck – just finished the Arsenal match. That is some suck.

    1. I never realized how much a lot of people here are into metal until the last couple days.

      1. Libertarians are morally stunted, childish recluses, right? Of course we’re all into it.

      2. Except Ted S.

        Homey doesn’t like the metals.

        1. I like the metalz, always have.

  18. Apologies for being out of touch with the posting protocols, but Chicago Commentariat Meet-Up is a Go!

    I returned from Europe (more or less unscathed, but very broke), and conferred with some other Chicagoans, and we decided on meeting Sunday, October 18 at Hopleaf Bar in Andersonville. Hope some others can make it out that day; feel free to email me or whatever. We’ll probably meet around noon:30, since da Bears are simply unbearable (glances around nervously for Swiss) to watch this season and apparently have begun a Fire Sale. So NFL is dead to me. But they might also have TVs there anyway; I’m not sure.

    Looking forward to meeting some of you. Great beer selection so even if I’m the only one who can make it I will at least have a choice in what I want to drown my loneliness in.


      It’s actually good the Bears are so terrible. Everyone knew they were going to fucking suck this year, so they might as well just bottom out and shore up on draft picks. The worst thing that could have happened would be for the Bears to be 6-11 yet again, foolishly think they were still in it until a late season 4 game losing streak, and then get a mediocre draft pick without trading away any of their old players.

      At least this way I have no expectations for the season, we can ditch all the old guys who won’t be around by the time we hopefully rebuild, and we can guarantee getting a top draft pick due to being goddamn terrible.

    2. posting protocols

      You really are out of touch, dude.

    3. I don’t think there are TVs.

      1. Eh, that’s okay. Just means we’ll all have to do shots of Mal?rt to tolerate each other. 😀

        1. We can subcontract our Mal?rt duties out, though, right? Because we’re evil libertarians? And also because it’s Mal?rt.

          1. I would say I look forward to meeting you, but I assume that you’re actually a 6 foot tall, morbidly obese male trucker since female libertarians don’t exist.

            1. Irish, I’m not drinking your share of the Mal?rt.

              1. “”Malort is…like an aquavit, it’s like a flavored vodka basically, but flavored with darkness and pain.”

                1. This is the quote I wanted:

                  “”It’s like aquavit? grain neutral spirits that are flavored with different botanicals, like gin. The botanicals that it’s flavored with are wormwood and other bitter, sort of medicinal-type of botanicals. And thus, it tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak.”

          2. Of course. I will take on your Mal?rt burden in exchange for… other services.

            *(Other services most likely equals cheeseburgers.)

            1. Deal!

  19. Governemnt Insists They Maintain Monopoly on Imprisonment

    “This shed was not approved by inspectors, or staffed with Union labor”, critics noted

    1. How the fuck do you even accomplish shuttling 4.25 TONS of litter by yourself in a 7 month period.

      I’ll hand this to him. That’s some fucking dedication.

      1. I guess he didn’t like to pick and choose from the “Free Stuff” bin, and just took the whole thing every trip

        Tragedy of the Commons, LOOK THE FUCK OUT

      2. That works out to 37 lbs per day if he raids the thing daily. Doable. But boring.

        If he does it once a week, it’s 260 lbs. Much more impressive.

      3. It seems much more likely that the Forest Service is grossly exaggerating.

          1. Well, hardly ever!

  20. Obama Praises Secret Service = “They were almost always mostly sober around the Pope, and kept the whores completely out of sight. They’re improving!”

    1. IOW, we’re totally fucked?

  21. File Under = “An Honest Mistake”

    “A Wisconsin man is being held in a mental health facility after being charged with beheading his mother with a sword because he thought she was not his real mother, court records showed. “

  22. The people of Afghanistan are Afghan. The money of Afghanistan is the Afghani.

        1. What about them blankets my Grandma used to make?

          1. Bacha-Bazi

  23. “But in terms of actors, I think you’re a better actor the less people know about you, period,” he continued. “And sexuality is a huge part of that. Whether you’re straight or gay, people shouldn’t know anything about your sexuality because that’s one of the mysteries that you should be able to play.”

    Political beliefs are a different story, however.

  24. Cheap milk in Canada? Farmers say NO(N)!

    Complete with driving tractors in front of legislature because clearly French farmers are the role model you want. And some choice retardation in the comments, that I’ve been previewing for a week on my Facebook feed. Apparently, outside Canada milk is the most polluted substance in existance and we must keep it away FOR THE CHILDRUNS! And cheese, of course. What the fuck do Europeans or Americans know about cheese?

    1. Ah yes. When Canadians over rate their products. IT’S FUCKEN MILK YOU ASSHOLES. Not wine or beer. Sheesh.

      My brother in law would buy his milk in the USA whenever he got the chance because he got more bang for his buck and actually preferred it for a family of five.

      Fuck the dairy mafia.

      1. Facebook is convinced that US milk is full of growth hormons, puss, piss, blood, GMOs, and probably orphan souls. We need Pure Good Canadian Farmers milk. That comes with price fixing, and quotas, of course.
        For some reason, same people get why Uber beats taxi firms (mostly).

  25. Obama #KONY2015 Plan Starting to Resemble Syria

    ” Working from a new bush camp in the Central African Republic, U.S. forces have begun working closely with Islamist rebels ? known as the Seleka ? who toppled the central government two years ago and triggered a still-raging sectarian war.

    The Pentagon has not previously disclosed its intelligence sharing and other forms of cooperation with the Seleka. The arrangement has made some U.S. troops uncomfortable.'”

    No word if Seleka child-rape practices are causing friction.

    I blame BOOOSH

    1. ” Working from a new bush camp in the Central African Republic, U.S. forces have begun working closely with Islamist rebels ? known as the Seleka ? who toppled the central government two years ago and triggered a still-raging sectarian war.

      Wait, what the fuck?

      These Seleka?

      The gunmen follow a pattern when they attack unsuspecting settlements in the Central African Republic. They come on nights when the moon is large and at the quietest hour when all is still as the villagers sleep.

      The roar of engines, shouting, screaming, gunfire and the sickening sound of the wet smack of a machete carving into flesh quickly engulfs the calm.

      The lucky ones run into the surrounding bush, grabbing their children, escaping into the night.
      It happened at Vakap ? one village of hundreds attacked in this manner. No one knows how many died or were injured by the bullets and the machetes.


      1. This is how the “White House is controlled by Muslim Brotherhood” conspiracy theory keeps going. Because advanced stupidity vs actual malice, how do you tell the difference?

    2. But Barry won the Nobel Peace Prize so whatever he does is in the interest of peace, right?

    1. 15 people? Wow, we’ve really nipped this little problem in the bud.

      Case closed.

      1. It’s kind of like that General’s testimony in front of Congress

        “So how many of these people [that US trained] are still in combat?”

        Um…four or five.

        Maybe that’s the scale they operate on in Syria? In which case, Canada is right on point, with our six aircraft in action!

  26. Apparently Martin O’Malley is worth absolutely nothing.

    1. Last I heard, he had a faculty position at JHU, that’s definitely worth something.

    2. After all of the lying, shady deals, stealing, and bribery, it’s absolutely astonishing that Hillary Clinton is only worth $45 million.

      Of course, she’s most likely lying again.

      1. Hey, she had to work up to that $45 million after being completely broke in 2001.

      2. She’s called a mediocre grifter for a reason.

  27. I’d say clucking “fellow” on Snowden guarantees some extra antiquated security from our digital overlords.

    1. You shouldn’t worry about that too much, because posting anything on this site already guarantees you’re on all the lists. So click away.

  28. Regarding sex robots: I look forward to some terrifyingly weird internet posts about sex robot proclivities in the future. I fully expect to hear all kinds of stories about people walking in on their dads having sex with a robo-sheep or something so sex robots will make the internet an even more hilarious place.

    1. OH MY GOD, think about what dweebs will get up to when they have sex with custom made robots that look like Princess Zelda! And the furries!

      This is going to be spectacular.

      1. I’m guessing everyone in the future will be happier.

        1. Yes, and the only thing that can ruin that? Politician, as always.

      2. Lucy Liubot!

        1. There are terrifying fetishes I probably don’t even know I have which will be fully explored in a Land of Sex Robots.

          1. We expect youtube links. Trigger warnings please.

        2. Renee Oconnerbot. Or both

      3. We live in pretty amazing times Irish.

        1. Totally amazing technology is headed our way in the next 5-20 years. People who don’t follow these things will be completely shocked by it.

      4. Oh hell yeah. Zeldabot, Larabot, Asaribots, tentaclebots. People are gonna get their freak ON!

        1. Plus, combine this with 3d printing, and the variety and inevitability are even more certain. You have your Lucy Liubot one night, then reprint it as a Lucy Lawlessbot the next night.

          And, indeed, you then get into the underage fetish… it will be fascinating to see how mores change.

      5. I’ve always said continuous virtual sex was the ultimate human civilization.

        1. Dennis Miller was dead on.

    2. It’s going to be interesting alright. But I’ll go straight on record here as saying one thing. No one can stop this. Oh, they will try, I mean, will they ever. But stopping it is not possible.

      But you can just imagine what a circus it will be. People will be outraged, outraged I tell you! Robots are humans too! Robot rape! Did you see that robot, It didn’t look 18!

      I hate luddites.

      1. The last part’s going to be hilarious. I guarantee there’s going to be a push to outlaw having sex with robots that look like children on moral panic grounds even though no child is actually being hurt.

        1. This and a thousand other completely ridiculous things.

      2. Maybe they’ll relax more since they’re having more sex.

        1. The luddites and moral puritans will never relax. Hopefully, the sexbots will stop humans from having sex with any of them and then they will actually go extinct. I welcome our new sexbot overlords.

          1. Could this speed up idiocracy?

    3. Could be worse, they could walk in and see dad having sex with a robot he has dressed up in their clothes

    4. Once the sex robots become self-aware, only the loser robots will have sex with humans

      1. I like my robots a little on the trashy side.

  29. Do you think they’ll try to make it illegal to make sex bots look like real people on the grounds that it dehumanizes them or something?

    Because you know a huge portion of the sex bot market is going to be custom made sex bots that look like hot actresses and stuff. Maybe you just have to pay the actress a licensing fee?

    1. Jenna Jameson should start selling stock in her likeness now.

      1. Jenna Jameson? What, is this 1997?

        1. Did you have her poster hanging up in your crib?

    2. “Maybe you just have to pay the actress a licensing fee?”

      I will use my sex bots for education and criticism which is covered under fair use.

    3. Because you know a huge portion of the sex bot market is going to be custom made sex bots that look like hot actresses and stuff. Maybe you just have to pay the actress a licensing fee?

      You’re aware that pornstars sell licensed molds of their parts, right?

  30. So that high school quarterback who died died of a lacerated spleen. I thought we were past stupid bullshit like ruptured spleens killing people. I wonder if his people have a legitimate malpractice case.

  31. On a more serious note regarding the sex bots.

    While I have absolutely no doubt they are coming and will certainly be commonplace by the 2050’s (hell they might be commonplace by the 2030’s) the authors of that article are massively underestimating the complexity of making a robot that can realistically mimic human movement, give something reasonably approximating the tactile feel of skin, have enough computing power to give the illusion of having a personality to interact with, be rugged enough to last more than a week without breaking limbs off and yet light enough that it isn’t going to crush the consumer and do it all for $2000 – $3000.

    No, we might just barely be able to make a sexbot that complex by the 2050’s but it’s pricetag will be closer to $2,000,000 than $2000 and even the affordable models will run more than $20k and nobody is going to confuse sex with them for the real thing

    1. Fuck you, I want my 3D printed Alison Brie sex bots right this instant, you monstrous dreamkiller.

      1. Hey, getting a bot that looks like Alison Brie is easy, the only problem is that it’s gonna feel like and smell like rubber, move like robocop at best, and be about as interactive as Siri.

        Now, I admit that is better than nothing but you’re not gonna pass up sex with a real female for that

        1. “Ugh! You mean…fluid transfer?”

    2. We’re more likely to have some kind of Occulus Rift + Really Advanced Fleshlight first come to wider usage.

      1. Fuck Oculus. I’m going with the headset by HTC and VALVE on release day. Guarantee will blow away the Derpbook backed shit.

        I’m buying it for gaming, but of course the VR sex stuff will be widely available. I just don’t think it will be great or anything. The potential for first gen VR is gaming.

    3. At first, the advanced models will be rentals. But eventually, everyone will have one (who wants one) and they will be fully customizable.

      When I told people a few years ago that VR is a real emerging technology and that there would be high quality headsets on the market soon, people fucking laughed at me.

      A co-worker of mine just scoffed at me a year ago when I said there will phones will foldable screens that will fold out to tablet size. Samsung already has a workable prototype and will release one to the public in 2016.

      Just keep this in mind. Besides revolutionary healthcare tech that will expand quality human lifespan, the thing I can think of that would make me the richest motherfucker to have ever lived would be a realistic and affordable sexbot.

      1. Someone who manufactured an affordable sex bot would become an overnight billionaire.

      2. Not disagreeing with any of it save for the time it is going to take to get to “realistic”.

        I think we get to “Better than a blow up doll” in the next 5 – 7 years, then affordable and good enough to be mass marketed in the next 20 but to get to “realistic”, that is going to take some technologies we don’t have yet.

        A good synthetic skin, some kind of artificial muscle to control movement of at least the hips, tongue, and pelvic area because you’ll never get that kind of fine motor control out of servo motors, affordable carbon fibre “bones” so they are strong enough to be treated like a sex partner and don’t just break all the time, a light weight battery that is safer than Lithium ion that can carry enough juice to keep the thing from needing to go to the charger station every hour etc.

        Oh, I should also add, “realistic” male sex bots are probably easier to make than female ones (fewer muscles in the genitals to worry about replicating) and will probably be even more popular with the ladies because lets face it their stamina is only limited by hers or their battery life

        1. As someone who follows technology and has for the last 20 years, I’m going to predict that 2050 is a conservative estimate. You don’t have to believe in some type of singularity to believe this, technology is accelerating at such a pace, that I think very realistic robots will be available by 2035. There will be lots of cruder versions of every imaginable sort before then, probably starting in about 5 years. But by 2050 if we don’t blow ourselves up or wind up under some type of global totalitarianism, then I think we’ll definitely see human like robots.

          1. If it’s going to be Brave New World versus 1984, Huxley has already won. Sexbots here we come!

            1. …. If it’s going to be Brave New World versus 1984…

              Come on now, dream big. Why not both?

    4. Yeah, but with inflation, that $20k will be comparable to $2000.

    5. “massively underestimating the complexity of making a robot that can realistically mimic human movement, give something reasonably approximating the tactile feel of skin, have enough computing power to give the illusion of having a personality to interact with, be rugged enough to last more than a week without breaking limbs off and yet light enough that it isn’t going to crush the consumer”

      Honestly why not just make it out of genetically modified living animal for skin and sex organs with computer machine internals….

      Oh shit!

      1. because we have no realistic idea how to keep the biological parts alive for more than a few days that way

  32. What sad days are these when passing ladies can’t even spray paint the word “perv” on a building where an evil white dude who is really into big hairy pussies lives?…..329992611/

    1. Meanwhile, child molesters homes in the area remain graffiti free.

    2. “”big hairy pussies””

      I really think The Lion King had an effect on these people’s childhood development.

  33. Scratch me from the next Mars mission. Don’t care if they found water there. Turns out life wouldn’t be worth living there for at least the first 12 years of colonization

    Scottish distillery Ardbeg bottled two vials of the whisky, each containing a piece of the same charred oak. One vial was sent to the International Space Station, while the other was stored at the distillery.

    The BBC reported that taste tests have detected “major differences” between the Earthbound whisky and the vial that was in orbit for three years.

    “Its intense aroma had hints of antiseptic smoke, rubber and smoked fish, along with a curious, perfumed note, like violet or cassis, and powerful woody tones, leading to a meaty aroma,” the Ardbeg tasting notes state of the space booze.

    1. Bad whiskey is a price well worth paying to get millions of miles away from most earthlings.

    2. I had never had much scotch until I bought a bottle of Laphroiag to celebrate the birth of the spawn. It turns out I really like booze that tastes like smoked dead fish.

      1. Warty, the trick for a new father is to drink the scotch out of a glass tumbler.

        Your wild days are behind you, no more drinking hooch from your wife’s cooch. I know you don’t want to admit that your carefree days are behind you, but at least your scotch will taste better.

        1. Are you kidding? That shit needs the antiseptic now more than ever. Have you seen what comes out of it during the birth?

          1. All my spawn were cut out by professionals* and I kept myself carefully hidden behind the curtain that separated my wife’s head from her good bits.

            So no, I have no idea what comes out.

            1. “separated my wife’s head from her good bits.”


            2. I caught one glance behind the curtain during C-section. Never again.

  34. Naturally Planned Parenthood will continue on the taxpayer gravy train despite the silly dog and pony show. Elizabeth Nolan Brown can celebrate tonight by furiously stirring the soup while thinking about her favorite dead fetus parts.

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