Reason Weekly Contest: Headline a Cultural Appropriation Kerfuffle

Last week's winners revealed.

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Welcome back to the Weekly Reason Contest! This week's question is:

Sample the food, clothing or art of a culture other than the one you were born into and you may be accused of the new PC crime of "cultural appropriation." Katy Perry was accused of this when she dressed like a geisha for an awards ceremony, as was Selena Gomez for wearing a Hindu style dot on her forehead. Come up with the headline of another celebrity defending his or her "cultural appropriation."

How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to [e-mail]. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "HEADLINE" the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Aug. 14. Winners will appear Friday, Sept. 18, right here at Reason.com.

In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!

And now for the results of last week's contest: After an analyst at the Defense Intelligence Agency accused the US.. Central Command of altering its ISIS reports to make them sound more optimistic, we asked you for an excerpt from one such Pollyanna-ish update.

THE WINNER: Due to ISIS gobbling up all the smaller terrorist organizations around the globe, Defense Intelligence Agency and US Central Command paperwork has been reduced by over 50 percent! -- Michael Devlin, FOB Dahlke, Afghanistan

SECOND PLACE: US training of Iraqi soldiers is finally showing results as Iraqi soldiers now flee the battlefield inside our $220,000 Humvees instead of leaving them for ISIS.  -- Ted Hamilton, Houston, TX

 THIRD PLACE: Recent analysis by Central Command of ISIS beheading videos shows a clear increase in humanity; there is much less barbaric sawing, and more surgical precision.  -- Fraser Woodford, Santa Monica, CA

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Recent adjustments in territorial boundaries have increased the area that hostile forces need to occupy, while reducing the area that allies need to defend. Moreover, allied maintenance costs have been reduced by impromptu turnover of weapons and other equipment. -- Richard Lawrence, San Diego, CA

At least it's not Ebola. -- Dillon Ross, Evanston, IL

Nearly 40 percent of foreigners killed so far by ISIS have been attorneys. 

And while diplomatic initiatives with ISIS have so far been futile, neither Jimmy Carter nor Al Sharpton have offered to mediate. -- Warren Meyer, Phoenix, AZ

Mission Accomplished. -- Arthur Pearlstein, Arlington, VA

Comments

[Brett L]

Trying Killen's barbeque in Pearland TX. I'm not the type to wait in line but its free beer Friday. We'll see in this is top 10 quality.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

If you don't get the 6 meat plate, you're dead to me.

[Brett L]

4 meat plate and 2 lbs of beef ribs -- which can't be ordered in the plate. It was as good as all the other great TX barbeque I've eaten. The sausage was probably the least great, but good. The bone in pork belly was awesome. I was sad to be there only long enough for one free beer. Would reccommend.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

If the beef ribs aren't part of the plate, you get a waiver.

What is it? Mesquite? Hickory?

[Unreconstructed (Sans Flag)]

I've heard that's good - my manager lives over that way, says it's good, but you've gotta get there early (which it appears you did).

[Free Market Socialist $park?]

I'm pretty happy about the fact that I've got nothing here. It shows that I haven't been infected.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Yeah, I'm also stumped. I don't know enough about celebrity culture to think of something pithy.

[Rhywun]

Yeah, anything I come up with would be 15 or more years out of date.

[mad.casual]

Does this count as cultural appropriation?

[mad.casual]

I guess this would be the better link.

[AlmightyJB]

That movie was awesome

[mad.casual]

For all the feminist cultural appropriation shit that was flung at it (esp. considering how 'radically progressive' it's predecessors were even by today's norms), I sure wasn't disappointed.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

What a day! What a glorious day! Witness me!

[*GILMORE*]

The thing that sells it is the "Frequently Bought Together" recommendation

-Wilton Silver Color Mist $3.50
-WWII RAF Aviator Pilot Motorcycle Half helmet Goggles (TMS-33-6) $4.00

[Zeb]

I don't get it.

[kinnath]

Bobby Jindal Rejects Claims That He Isn't Really a Southern Cracker

[Nosea]

Ha! I knew u guys had it in you.

Elton John alone has enough fodder for a year or so...

[Swiss Servator]

Bernie Sanders defends appropriation of Russian concepts of Kulaks and Wreckers

[Galactic Chipper Cdr Lytton]

Claims they were hoarding them.

[The Shrubber's Woodchipper]

P.F. Chang accuses Mario Bitali of cultural misappropriation citing his newest menu item, Spaghetti con Mitili.

[Tonio]

I find it interesting that the most culturally-appropriated group in the US, "hillbillies" (or more politely, Mountain People) never gets a so much as a shoutout from the PC left. Sexy Indian Maiden Halloween costumes bring on the howling attacks. Yet nobody ever questions whether slutty Hillbilly Girl costume (complete with tooth blackout) is a bit stereotypical. And Mountain People are one of the more historically shat-upon groups in America: the economic serfdom of coal camps, FDR's massive land grab of "hillbilly" farms for national parkland, etc. Why, it's almost as if there's a double-standard for whites and non-whites.

[Notorious UGCC]

"Yet nobody ever questions whether slutty Hillbilly Girl costume (complete with tooth blackout) is a bit stereotypical."

Wait, that's a thing now? Wow, I must be out of touch.

[The Shrubber's Woodchipper]

West Virginian's can be sensitive to the topic.

[Zeb]

Yeah, it's hard to claim that hillbillies are coming from a position of privilege.

[commodious spittoon]

Someone linked this in the a.m. thread, but it's relevant:

.The Rise of Victimhood Culture

Your not latino, call it soccer. You don't play futbol. Futbol is played with people (LATINO) who know how to engage in community soccer, as somebody who grew up on the cancha (soccer field) I know what playing futbol is, and the way you take up space, steal the ball, don't pass, is far from how my culture plays ball.

You're a shitdick.

[mad.casual]

Futbol is played with people (LATINO) who know how to engage in community soccer, as somebody who grew up on the cancha (soccer field) I know what playing futbol is, and the way you take up space, steal the ball, don't pass, is far from how my culture plays ball.

He misspelled Fu?ball anyway.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Fu?ball is played in seedy bars while drinking cheap long necks.

[Zeb]

I hope his response to that was: "So that's a 'no' on the futbol, then?"

[Zeb]

What a fucking bitch.

"White students appropriating the Spanish language"

White people? You mean like the ones from Spain?

And the word "futbol" was 'stolen' from English anyway.

[HolgerDanske]

"Scandinavian class action suit against the DNC for cultural appropriation under way."

[UnCivilServant]

I had some horrible ones - but then I realized I had too much dignity to post them

[Crusty Juggler]

I had too much dignity

If you post here you have no dignity.

[Aloysious]

Al Sharpton caught eating poutine while listening to Rush Limbaugh by a person of color who self identifies as a woman undercover FBI agent. Was heard to say, "Bitch set me up!"

[Free Society]

Controversy Ensues After Georgia Man's Meth Fueled Antics Marginalize Florida Men

[SimonJester]

Win!

[Crusty Juggler]

Outstanding.

[Free Society]

Ten bucks says some awful wordy paragraph of a headline will take the win, so meh.

[HazelMeade]

Donald Trump defends wearing black face to the Miss Universe Pagent. "It's not about the black face, it's about the persona."

[HazelMeade]

"Cajun restauraunts charged with enabling cultural appropriation."

[UnCivilServant]

This one's harder to be funny with than the others, can we get a new topic over here?

[Crusty Juggler]

Justin Timberlake Apologizes to African-American's For Stealing Their Musical Style

[Crusty Juggler]

Barack Obama sorry for appropriating the style of the white, doofus Dad

[Brett L]

"Pho King Idiots Aren't Vietnamese"

[lap83]

Kim Kardashian defends charges that she appropriated hobbit culture by arguing that she's never opened a book

[UnCivilServant]

"Rabid Honey Badger that operates the Trump suit refuses to appologise to College Douches for swiping their personas wholesale."

[PapayaSF]

I didn't even get an Honorable Mention this week?? I ask you all, was this not worthy?

"Our sources indicate that the Tea Party, 'sovereign citizens,' and other violent right-wing extremists are now a greatly reduced threat in ISIS-controlled territory."

[timbo]

An American nudist colony recently fell under fire for impersonating fat people.

[Crusty Juggler]

Ex-Stasi Members Furious at U.S. Govt. For Appropriating Tactics, Culture.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

It certainly influenced my lunch decision.