Obama Goes to Prison, Gunman Kills in Chattanooga, Greece Offered Emergency Aid: P.M. Links

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  • Reform coming?
    Getty

    A gunman has killed four people in Chattanooga, Tennessee, at a Naval reserve center and a military recruiting office. The gunman has also been killed. Some sources are identifying the shooter as Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez.

  • President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today to talk about criminal justice reform and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.
  • The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals has halted the planned execution of Clifton Lamar Williams to handle questions about testimony at his trial for killing a 93-year-old woman during a home robbery a decade ago.
  • Greece is now being offered the possibility of some emergency financial aid now that its leaders have relented and voted for belt-tightening measures.
  • Dylann Roof's trial for killing nine people at a black church in Charleston, South Carolina, has been scheduled for a year from now. A gag order prohibiting the police from releasing 911 calls and images from the crime scene to the press has been extended for at least another week.
  • The Federal Aviation Administration is probing reports of lasers being shined into the cockpits of at least 11 commercial planes flying over New Jersey Wednesday night.

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  1. Some sources are identifying the shooter as Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez.

    Get OSHA on it pronto.

    1. Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez

      Gesundheit, oops sorry… Allah ar rahman ar raheem wa barokatuh

      1. Mohamed means praised one, Yousuf is the Arabic version of Joseph, and Abdulzeez means servant of the strong (one), that is, allah.

        Today’s Arabic lesson: common Arabic phrases containing allah:

        inshallah: god willing
        mashallah: god willed it
        wallahi: I swear to god
        alhamdulillah: god be praised/praise the lord
        bismillah: in the name of god (a phrase featured in the song Bohemian Rhapsody)

        1. oh, and of course allah akbar, god (is) greater/greatest

          kibir means big/great, akbar means bigger/greater

          takbir is a word used to goad a crowd into shouting allah akbar in unison

          1. “I’ll say ‘takbir!’ you say ‘allah akbar!'”

            “TAKBIR!”

            “ALLAH AKBAR!”

            “TAKBIR!”

            “ALLAH AKBAR!”

            1. Funny, I watched an ISIS video that basically had that exact exchange.

              1. What is Arabic holy term for ‘camel fucker?’

                1. Hm, not sure. The word for camel is jamel (the word camel came from Arabic). I don’t know the word for fucker. I’m pretty sure ibn jamel (son of a camel) is an insult, although ibn sharmuta (son of a whore) is the insult of insults in the Arab world. There is another insult that means “your mom’s cunt” but I forgot what it is.

                  1. Is ibn pronounced gow it looks ib-in?

                    1. Yes. Bin is variant of it. When the word is written, all there is is bn. Most vowels are not written in Arabic; usually they only write the ones at the beginning and ends of words. Some texts have extra marks to indicate vowels. Also, it has only has one set of letters instead of capital and lowercase.

                      ths is wht englsh mght look lk if we wrt it lk arbc.

                2. Why are camels called “ships of the desert”?

              2. What is Arabic holy term for ‘camel fucker?’

                1. I see the squirrels cloned my comment…

                  …say, what’s Arabic for ‘squirrel?’

                  1. Wait, now I really want to know the term for squirrel fucker.

          2. “allah akbar”

            It’s ‘allahu akbar.’

            And the Takbir isn’t a phrase used to ‘goat a crowd’ into shouting Allahu akbar in unison, the Takbir is actually the name for the phraseAllahu akbar. They call ‘Allahu akbar’ the Takbir.

            1. True, the u is there when it is spoken, but not when it is written. And I knew that the phrase is called Takbir, but that doesn’t explain the usage.

              It’s like “fuck you” in English isn’t an invitation for someone to sexually pleasure themselves. If you were explaining the meaning to a non-English speaker, you’d say it something people say when they’re very mad at someone. Explaining the literal meaning of the words would not explain the usage.

              And I certainly didn’t write “goat” instead of “goad”!

          3. What about “durka durka Mohamed jihad”

            1. HEY! THEM’S FIGHTING WORDS!

              #FuckYeah!

        2. Derpetologist, I saw you mention your Zastava in AM links. Which model do you have and how do you like it? Local(ish) pride makes me ask 🙂

            1. Oh it look so lovely! Is it any good and fun to shoot?

              1. It’s a blast! The sound of it cocking is delightful.

            2. Frickin’ squirrel guns.

        3. I make a stupid joke and you get all technical on me. You pass the libertarian test.

      2. Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez

        bin Laden’s second in command?!

    2. Hello.

      “President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today”

      At least Johnny Cash made a classic album out of it.

      What’s ‘Bama gonna do?

      1. Blovate. Next question.

      2. What’s ‘Bama gonna do?

        Beat Auburn and lose to An Ohio State University?

        1. 85 Yards Through the Heart of the South! (TM)

        2. An Ohio State University

          lulz

          1. Sat next to Ezekiel Elliot on a flight to Columbus Sunday night. Dude was gigantic and snored like a gigantic(er) wildebeest

      3. Who’s to say Barack won’t release an album?

      4. “I’m here just for the press corps
        None of you will go free
        If they question me on it I’ll say they’re R-A-C-I-S-T
        I’m just visiting federal prison
        I get to sleep at home tonight”

      5. At least Johnny Cash made a classic album out of it.

        I recently saw the film and what struck me was that the San Quentin Prison population when that was filmed (1969?) was overwhelmingly white. I wonder what it’s like today.

        1. It was Folsom, and it was 1968. But yeah, it was very, very white.

      6. I know I should know better, given O’s track record so far, but I’m going to chalk this up as a positive step. If Team Blue decides criminal justice reform is a thing, good on ’em.

        That said, my take is that Obama is pretty sure any album he cuts would make Johnny Cash cry, cry, cry.

        1. Big River FTW

      7. Hey, he’s turning himself in? I have to say, I’m pleasantly surprised. I had no idea he had a conscience. Bravo, Mr. Obama, bravo.

  2. Reform coming?GettyA gunman has killed four people in Chattanooga, Tennessee, at a Naval reserve center and a military recruiting office. The gunman has also been killed. Some sources are identifying the shooter as Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez.

    Another Gun-free zone massacre.

    1. Yeah, I’m wondering how many more of these things are going to have to occur before the enlisted can carry on base.

      1. The first shooting was at a recruitment center. Those are usually commercial leased space, like in a mall. Would be interesting to see if the mall had a no guns policy.

        1. I guarantee you that recruiters didn’t have guns.

          1. And I realize that, I’m just trying to score some cheap points against the hoplophobes.

        2. I’d bet money on the mall (or wherever they were leasing space) having a no guns policy

        3. No way in hell the services will let their recruiters carry on duty.

        4. I believe this is the recruitment center. You can see a bright “no guns” sign between the bullet holes.

          1. Wait a minute: They had a sign posted for a no-weapons zone??? I don’t get it…How could this guy commit this crime? They had a SIGN up! He couldn’t have had a gun with a sign posted!

            1. Apparently he shot from outside into the recruiting center. So obviously they need to Add a No Bullets Zone sign. Duh!

          2. Well done, lads, well done.

  3. The Federal Aviation Administration is probing reports of lasers being shined into the cockpits of at least 11 commercial planes flying over New Jersey Wednesday night.

    Man, Dr. Evil has really fallen off, huh.

    1. “We’re going to point is ‘laser beam’ toward the planes, and….”

  4. Greece is now being offered the possibility of some emergency financial aid now that its leaders have relented and voted for belt-tightening measures.

    Usury!!!

    1. Usury?

      Did the law go all the way through the process of being passed, or is the same as if our house voted for legislation?

      1. It passed. Something of a revolt in the ruling party, but it passed.

    1. Do they fire rubber bullets?

      1. +1 jar of ear plugs

    2. Whatever they are those black gun thingies are scary.

      1. raaaaacist

      2. As long as they have those things that go up.

    3. The (it MUST be) deliberate ignorance of the chattering class concerning guns is a never ending source of ennui. Put bluntly, they bore me. I do not take their positions on guns seriously because they will not trouble themselves to get even the most trivial facts right.

      1. Yeah, well, you prolly have a fully automatic assault Glock, so I’d expect that attitude from a gun nut like you.

        1. I’ve heard that there is a Glock variant that cannot be detected by airport scanners.

          1. I wonder how many clips that holds.

            1. Nobody NEEDS a bayonet holder on their Glock!

              1. The grenade launcher has to go.

      2. It seems like it might be a social-signaling thing that proves to your fellow gun-grabbing peers that “I DONT WANT TO KNOW, AND I’M HAPPY I DON’T!”

      3. You should read Stephen King’s Guns where he wants to ban semi-automatic weapons but doesn’t want to take away people’s automatic weapons.

    4. The commies have infiltrated deeper than we thought!

      /General Ripper

    5. The comments are pretty good. Sample:

      “Jeremy R. Dooley ?@JRDa123 4h4 hours ago

      .@ASpiratoNC9 What police force in the USA would have Ak-47s? Obsolete Russian weapon. Try Ar-15, or just ask before using “scary words””

  5. President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today to talk about criminal justice reform and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.

    My proggie friends are consciously unaware that Rand Paul has been talking about this for years.

    1. Hell, even Obama gave Paul public credit for being in the right side of justice reform.

  6. and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.

    Who is the ‘us’ that is doing the incarcerating, here?

    1. When the government does things in your name, it also gets to blame you if those things turn out sub optimally. It’s all right here in the social contract.

      1. Yeah, the contract that’s signed with placental blood when you’re born. YOU SIGNED IT!!!

      2. It’s all right here in the social contract.

        Which the government signed for you…

        With their POA…

        Which they really didn’t need, anyway, since they are us.

        1. Was he on the Bill “I hate Moooslims as much as I do Teabaggers” Maher variety show and strawman burning competition?

        2. Hey, cool, I did that one!

    2. Yeah, who do you mean “us,” white man?

  7. The Federal Aviation Administration is probing reports of lasers being shined into the cockpits of at least 11 commercial planes flying over New Jersey Wednesday night.

    Pink Floyd shows now outlawed in the Garden State.

    1. Shine on , you lasing Titan.

  8. In Honor of the Historic & Unprecedented & Very Important Iran treaty
    Spot the Not: Ayatollah Khomeini

    1. In the Islamic Republic the rights of the religious minorities are respectfully regarded.

    2. In Iran’s future Islamic system everyone can express their opinion, and the Islamic government will respond to logic with logic.

    3. In the Islamic government all people have complete freedom to have any kind of opinion.

    4. If one permits an infidel to continue in his role as a corrupter of the earth, the infidel’s moral suffering will be all the worse. If one kills the infidel, and this stops him from perpetrating his misdeeds, his death will be a blessing to him.

    5. The author of The Satanic Verses book which is against Islam, the Prophet and the Qu’ran, and all involved in its publication who were aware of its content, are sentenced to death. I call on all zealous Muslims to execute them wherever they find them, so that no one will dare to insult the Islamic sanctions. Whoever is killed on this path will be regarded as a martyr, God willing.

    6. In our domain we neither allow any Muslim to change his religion nor allow any other religion to propagate its faith.

    1. 3. is true. You can have an opinion. You just can’t express it in anyway that can be observed by another person.

      1. How is this different from US college campuses?

        1. There’s more freedom in Iran.

    2. Pssh. Some dope posted this in the AM links.

      At least try to be original.

      1. It didn’t get enough bites, so I decided to give it another go. Left coast posters were grateful.

        1. You’re getting Tulpafied.

    3. 5 is his infamous Satanic Verses Fatass-wa.

      Heck, let me guess that 2 is the not.

      These quizzes are getting more and more difficult for people who don’t use Google.

    4. The Not is #6. That is from some turd burglar named Maududi. He was one of the most popular Muslim theologians of the past 50 years or so. Almost all Islamic book stores carry his work.

      https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Abul_Ala_Maududi

  9. Greece is now being offered the possibility of some emergency financial aid now that its leaders have relented and voted for belt-tightening measures.

    Extortionism! Crooked capitalists exploiting the masses, just like payday lenders!

  10. “Greece is now being offered the possibility of some emergency financial aid”

    It’s an emergency! Nobody saw it coming!!1

  11. …and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.

    Does this include whistleblowers?

    1. Not until there’s a Republican in office again

    2. It’s not like he can do anything about it with the stroke of a pen.

      Oh, wait…

      1. He’s hoping the low-info crowd won’t notice that point.

        His fear is that if he uses his pardon power to let some crack dealer out of prison, the guy will off and shoot someone. So he wants to spread the responsibility around – including the courts and Congress – so a released prisoner’s recidivism won’t be laid at his door.

        1. Probably a fair assessment.

          “I can’t let them go, but we can let them go.”

          1. But really, all he has to do is make his commutations and pardons take effect on the first Wednesday after the first Monday in November.

          2. What do you think he meant by Yes WE Can?

    3. From now on, Obama is going to drone them instead.

  12. Seattle Reasonoids!

    DEBATE – Rent Control in Seattle – Sawant & Licata VS. Manweller & Valdez

    Please go there on my behalf and tell Kshama Sawant to metaphorically f*** herself with a centrally planned and produced socialist dildo.

    PS: Niketh Velamoor, if you’re reading this, you know I’m kidding, right? I hope you took Humor 101 in Law School.

    1. a centrally planned and produced socialist dildo

      So a 2×4?

    2. Pro tip: If one’s last name even looks like it could be pronounced savant, one probably shouldn’t act like an idiot.

    3. rent control is bold

      ever notice how all the backward programs socialists want to impose on everyone are always called bold?

  13. Google honored Ida B. Wells today on their home page.

    Please do your hoplophobic proggie friends a service and share this Ida B. Wells quote with them

    The lesson this teaches and which every Afro-American should ponder well, is that a Winchester rifle should have a place of honor in every black home, and it should be used for that protection which the law refuses to give.

    DISCLAIMER: If your hoplophobic proggie friends sh1t their pants, it’s not Injun’s fault.

    1. God made men. Sam Colt made them equal.

    2. Nice, Injun, very nice.

    3. Ironically the Ida B. Wells homes were owned by government rather than by black individuals and families.

      /CHAhistory

  14. Spot the Not: Hillary Clinton

    1. Women have always been the primary victims of war Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat.

    2. We must stop thinking of the individual and start thinking about what is best for society.

    3. I have not supported same sex marriage. I have supported civil and contractual relationships.

    4. I am, you know, adamantly against illegal immigration.

    5. Listening to the song Imagine is what turned me into a Democrat.

    6. The American people are tired of liars and people who pretend to be something they’re not.

    1. I remember 1.) . I had to listen to my mother defend it for weeks.

    2. 5. is not necessarily a lie. So I’ll go with that.

      1. Listening to the song Imagine could not turn you into a Democrat, although it might turn you into an idiot.

        1. I find it funny that the words “imagine no possessions” were written by a millionaire sitting in a luxurious penthouse.

          1. Related. Chelsea Clinton.

            I was curious if I could care about (money) on some fundamental level, and I couldn’t

            1. Easy to say when you make $300k salary in a do nothing job.

            2. Which is sorta disingenous since she moved into a 10 million dollar condo recently…meh, a chip off the old block.

              At least she’s not as hideous looking as her madre, though time will tell. Chelsea in 2032. ftw

          2. Who migrated to the US because of confiscatory rates of UK taxes, coupled with capital controls.

          3. “I find it funny that the words “imagine no possessions” were written by a millionaire sitting in a luxurious penthouse.”

            And didn’t the Beatles leave the UK’s socialist paradise to get a break on their taxes?

            For that matter, didn’t they write “Taxman”?

      2. You asked earlier what kind of Zastava I have. It’s a M85 PAP (5.56). I find it works best with Tula .223.

      3. Yeah, I’ll guess 5.

    3. I hope to science that it’s #5

    4. I’ll go with 2. I think she said something similar, but it doesn’t have enough spin on it to be her.

    5. 6?

    6. The Not is #5. I made it up. Prize for the winners.

      Prize for the participants.

    7. 2. is not her words, I think.

    1. Now that’s an empowered woman!

      Of course, if she made a p0rno out of this, she will be a victim of capitalist sex trafficking.

    2. There was no sex in that link! TRIGGERED!

      If a dirty, daytime alleyway threesome with men wearing stupid hats is not allowed to be shamed or laughed at, than what is?

      1. I didn’t RTA. It was a Devil’s Threesome?

        1. Gross, there was a woman involved?

          1. There was no lucky pierre.

        2. Yes. Do not read the article; the lady in question is becoming a minor celebrity for her actions, and the author claims that because we have all done something similar, that we should applaud her for making a video miming sexually explicit acts, later getting caught fucking in an alley,and then refusing to be embarrassed by it, she is a hero.

          Also, she is Canadian.

          1. No handle-link any more, CJ?

            I has a sad…

            1. I was going to switch it up and then I decided to sleep. I disappoint like that.

              1. Eh, ya crazy bastard, what with your sleep and all!

          2. You have the order wrong. Someone video’ed the threesome in the alley, and it went viral, so she made a response video.

            1. You with your facts.

            2. It looks like she had a few bottles of wine, both before and during the response video.

          3. The world could use more Canada.

    3. Was this a Devil’s Three-Way? Because, if so, she’s not the one who should be shamed.

    4. They went to a discrete downtown alley between industrial buildings.

      Smh

      1. Hey – at least they weren’t behind the public toilets in the park.

      2. It was discrete, there was a building between it and the next one.

      3. I noticed that too. which puzzled me when it said police were getting involved.

      4. I know I’m late to the party but I believe that Nikki is identifying a grammar fail. She was just a little too discreet.

    5. While it sounds like it was a devil’s threesome, I too salute this woman. Bravo!

      1. If every girl were like this, we’d only need half as many women!!!

      2. I never could figure that one out. If I’m having sex with a woman (or two or three…) I don’t want a guy anywhere near us.

  15. On Sikhs, India’s pride.

    When The Romans Met The Sikhs

    “Finally, my Grandpa was captured by the Sikh regiment”, he said. “He was a Prisoner of War, with limited canteen. Even water was scarce. The Sikhs, the ferocious Sikhs that behaved like hungry lions on the field were like benevolent guardians in the camps. They slept hungry themselves but gave their food to the prisoners. They gave them so much respect and love that my Grandpapa used to say that he had never seen men like the Sikhs. So gallant in war and so gracious in victory.”

    1. Only because the Gurkhas are in Nepal.

    2. Don’t forget this bit:

      “They attacked with their artillery; when they finished their artillery fire they attacked with their guns; when they finished their bullets they fought with bayonets; and when their bayonets were snatched they fought with knives; and then even as they were bleeding they fought with bare hands.”

  16. Not death metal. Most definitely not death metal.

  17. President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today to talk about criminal justice reform and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.

    Notice how there’s no *prisoners* in these photos?

    1. It’s also good to see that he’s working so hard he has to roll up his sleeves.

      1. Its kind of weird how often he has jacket off and sleeves rolled up.

        I think he was in the process of building his scale model of the Cutty Sark when he suddenly got called away for this *urgent* photo op.

        1. It’s an attempt to look like RFK.

    2. Pity they let the sonofabitch OUT again?..

  18. N.W.T. in talks about Arctic Gateway oil pipeline

    The so-called Arctic Gateway idea could see Alberta crude moved north through the Northwest Territories for shipment from a port on the Beaufort Sea coast.

    It could be an alternative to shipping Alberta crude to the west, east and south amid opposition and regulatory delays.

  19. Dylann Roof’s trial for killing nine people at a black church in Charleston, South Carolina, has been scheduled for a year from now.

    This kind of thing, I guess, there’s little incentive to offer a plea.

    1. Look kid, you make this easy on everyone and plea guilty, we’ll . . . we’ll . . . we’ll only kill you *once*.

      1. “And we won’t disembowel you first.”

  20. I don’t know where Kshama Sawant stands on this, but I’m willing to bet $5 that she will want people to not own guns so she can impose her mighty socialist will on them.

    Seattle City Council considers gun, ammo tax

    1. So, Seattle is some sort of mega-city right? That’s why people can’t just drive 20 minutes into the county to buy ammo.

    2. Don’tcha just love that they fine people for not reporting they are victims of one certain crime?

      I wonder if they’ll consider fining people who are victims of rape, but don’t press charges…

      1. The legislation would also impose a $500 fine on gun owners who do not report guns lost or stolen.

        Gee officer, my gun was used in a crime? Why didn’t I report it lost or stolen? Because I didn’t know it was missing until you showed up.

        1. The legislation would also impose a $500 fine on gun owners who do not report guns lost or stolen.

          Well does that mean they can fine you if they’re not lost or stolen?

        2. Didn’t know? Oooh, that a paddlin’ $500 fine.

  21. A gunman has killed four people in Chattanooga, Tennessee, at a Naval reserve center and a military recruiting office.

    We will hear the FBI is overwhelmed because there are so many potential shooters. The follow-up question that never gets asked: “why doesn’t the FBI co-opt the thousands of federal agents who chase cigarette smugglers and many other useless crimes?”

    1. Don’t forget the FBI agent that will kill one of the ‘persons of interest’ during an interview because that POI suddenly went all batshit insane and tried some MMA moves on the agent.

      1. Yes. Most likely an agent with a background that causes every relatively sane person say aloud “they let this guy into the FBI?”

    2. Because prosecuting smugglers is a source of revenue.

  22. “President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today to….
    co-opt the criminal justice reform issue on the back of his recent, belated commutations, to create the impression he’s been all over an issue he’s done nothing about

  23. A gag order prohibiting the police from releasing 911 calls and images from the crime scene to the press has been extended for at least another week.

    What sick fuck would want to hear/view that?

    1. Truthers.

    2. Transparency.

      The police/government have not earned the slightest bit of leeway when it comes to monitoring how they respond to *anything*.

      1. Bingo. Doubled, redoubled, in spades (or maybe, considering, it should be clubs). This is what we have to pound into the heads of the people who reflexively defend the cops; this is no longer the 1970’s. The police unions have perverted the course of discipline and poisoned the whole system. Add the baleful influence of the moronic War On Drugs, and you have a system of law enforcement that badly needs to be brought to heel.

        1. I HATE THE FUCKING COPS. That is well known here. But come on, pictures of the crime scene?

          1. Can’t do much about it, Nebraska Press Assoc. vs. Stuart 1976:

            http://tinyurl.com/poepzsr

  24. President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today

    This is actually shocking.

    1. Well, I doubt there are many votes in a photo-op at a prison.

      1. Prisoners can’t vote.

        1. Not yet. That was one of BHO’s proposals.

          1. Well, naturally. When he declares us all guilty of something and makes the U.S. a prison, thus legally allowing the suspension of some civil liberties, he’ll need to give good convicts the vote to provide a veneer of legitimacy over his great nation/prison.

  25. “Dylann Roof’s trial for killing nine people at a black church in Charleston, South Carolina, has been scheduled for a year from now.”

    Need more time to milk racism issue so that voters remember that South = racist = Republican.

    1. I wish the Republicans would fight back like it mattered. The Democrats were the backbone of the Klan. They are the ones who instituted Jim Crow. They are the ones with the history of racism.

      But that would take a Republican with an instinct for the jugular.

      Sort of like a pacifist Leopard; there ain’t no such.

      1. Southern strategy!

      2. They should just stop using the word “Democrat” and call them the slavery party. If the CSA’s flag is forever tainted, so is its ruling party. They can lie in the memory hole they dug.

  26. Some sources are identifying the shooter as Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez.

    Those fucking Mormons. When will they ever stop?

  27. “Reform coming?A gunman has killed four people in Chattanooga, Tennessee, at a Naval reserve center and a military recruiting office. The gunman has also been killed. Some sources are identifying the shooter as Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez.”

    Hmm… What’s the proper way to work “white” into the description of the shooter?

    1. Mike M has the right idea – Youssef = Joseph = Mormon.

    2. White Muslim is the new black White Hispanic

    3. Sources say he has significant ties to the Tea Party

    4. We’ll know whether or not he can be passed off as white based on how many articles Reason writers do on him.

      If he can convincingly be passed off as white, they’ll do somewhere between ten and twenty. If he’s one of their sacred, precious minorities, they’ll do zero.

    5. The proper exercise is to mention the religion of piece. With this kind of name you can only be brown.

      1. peace. grrr.

    6. I think the guys standing guard during the Lebanon barracks bombing had unloaded guns.

  28. President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today to talk about criminal justice reform and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.

    I forgot that it’s “us” doing it. Our General Will can be a real dick sometimes.

  29. Views from abroad:

    “Yes, it astonishes me that American citizens, who pretend to live in an environment of freedom and democracy, actually live under the humiliation of American rule. Yes, they sing the praises of democracy, but they live like slaves. This is the dirty secret of the random immigration policy encouraged by America: America seeks to create a dissonant, homogenous society in which work is the only thing that keeps life going.

    American tyranny has exceeded all international conventions. America has transformed into the leading bully in a gang composed of itself and some European countries which are controlled by America the same way United Nations decisions are controlled by America.

    America has sunk so low as to create terrorist organizations it [personally] pays for to topple the governments of Arab countries. America is so depraved as to create sectarian and religious conflicts. America abets church burnings in the Middle East, kills Copts and tortures them.”

    http://watchingamerica.com/WA/…..terrorism/

  30. “Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez’

    I’m excited for Reza Aslan’s upcoming T.V. appearance where he assures us all religions are the same because Indonesia exists and is totes moderate (except for caning gay people and the fact that police women have to undergo forced virginity tests, but we don’t like to talk about that).

    Also, the media immediately begins making a fool of itself.

    “His Motive Is Not Yet Known

    Police have not yet released a motive for why the gunman targeted the two military facilities and military personnel.

    Authorities said he did not work at the military centers. The case is being investigated as possible “domestic terrorism” and the FBI is leading the probe.”

    Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez shot at American soldiers. I just can’t figure out what his motive could have been.

    1. Yes, it’s only been a few hours since the shooting. His motive is not yet known.

      Are we now for the media making rash proclamations in the wake of a shooting?

      1. I don’t think it’s a rash proclamation to say this guy’s motivation was ‘Jihad’ when ISIS tweeted out that there was going to be an attack literally as it happened and the dude who shot a bunch of soldiers is named Muhammad Youssef Abdulzeez.

        A rash proclamation is ‘Cops were shot, must be liberals/Democratic politician shot, must be tea baggers.’ Not particularly rash when you already know the guy’s name, his religion, and a known terrorist group tweeted about the subject before they could have known about it.

    2. I blame income inequality.

  31. Beachgoers rescue stranded great white shark:

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/15/…..achusetts/

    It’s a good thing Shark Week is fresh in everyone’s minds.

    1. If that was a person, less people would have helped

      1. *Fewer

        1. The best kind of correct!

          1. Break out the machetes, start a fire and make a beer run.

  32. President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today

    Hopefully for conjugals.

  33. The Democratic Underground thread that was posted in the Wisconsin court story from this morning contains this lovely little gem:

    The people will not be fooled. I don’t know about the rest of you but if a candidate has even a hint of illegal activity and does not have it cleared up through legal investigations I would not vote for them. Walker, Christie, Perry ……

    And then there are four jumping frog emojis or some shit. Curiously, a certain name was left off of his list…

    1. Paging Derpetologist, we have a new expedition for you.

      1. You’d send him into DU?

        He may be Derp-hardened, but he’s not invincible.

        1. DU is the Fukushima of derp. There’s a significant chance that Derpetologist will mutate into some sort of Japanese derp destroying monster. How can we not take a chance if it ends up creating a Godzilla creature that seeks out and destroys derp? We need Derpzilla! He’s our only hope!

          1. We need Derpzilla! He’s our only hope!

            Careful, you’ll make JJ cry.

            1. I haz a sad.

        2. I’m imagining Tony Stark, except instead of the Iron Man costume he’s dressed up as the Michelin Man. That affable smile and those rounded surfaces will put the denizens at DU into nap-time.

      2. [looks out the window, sees the Derp Signal]

        [dramatic orchestral music cresendoes as Derpetologist suits up and climbs into the Derpmobile]

        [The Derpmobile’s engine roars as it it speeds out of the Derp Cave]

        1. Foolish, reckless, or just plain retarded?

        2. Really makes ya wonder how much $$ it took for the Koch brothers to cover this up. Don’t forget. The 1% is buying this country.

          This happens in all the court cases by GOP judges.Our current courts and judges have given the GOP the go ahead to hijack the nation.

        3. God speed, you mad, brave fool.

        4. For some reason my brain saw this as a mouth with weird orange teeth.

    2. Hillary did nothing illegal. She was just a victim of the misogynist right-wing press.

      1. Vast White-Wang Conspiracy

        1. *slow clap*

      2. That’s right. Why impose quaint weak-minded concepts like honor, personal integrity, honesty, ethics, or morals on people we’re giving absurd amounts of power to rule us with?

        1. Those are all tools of the PATRIARCHY!

          1. Apparently so. How sad. We were such a strong and moral people once.

    3. Hillary ignored.

      Nice.

  34. On Iran’s deal:

    “In reality, Iran and the United States have overcome the most important reason for tensions in their relations by clinching the nuclear agreement on July 14, 2015. The two countries have different viewpoints on other issues such as the human rights, the conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, the fate of the Lebanese Hezbollah movement, and regional conflicts in Syria and Yemen, and their differences are severe. However, they have common interests in the restoration of security to Iraq and Afghanistan, and also in fighting extremism, establishing security in the Indian Ocean and the Gulf of Aden ? by fighting against pirates ? and also in scientific and academic fields, taking into account that the United States accounts for 50 percent of science generation in the world. In the world of politics, rivalry and differences are normal. The experience of the nuclear agreement may have caused the two countries to reach the conclusion that sitting at the negotiating table and engaging in serious negotiations is better than exchange of messages or posing threats through intermediaries.”

    http://www.iranreview.org/cont…..Normal.htm

    1. Mark Steyn (with the help of a reader) nails it

      That last point is well taken: the Keystone pipeline has been subjected to a more rigorous inspections regime than the Iranian nuclear program. Because what matters to Obama is preventing Canada getting a pipeline, not Iran getting a bomb.

      1. Pipelines from Canada are a bigger threat than Iran!

        1. NYS fracking, too.

  35. gotta love how the usual suspects call Greek tax hikes “austerity” and “belt tightening”.

    1. I’d be happy if they called it that when they hike taxes here.

    2. Especially considering that the Usual Suspects usually love higher taxes. Oh right, they’re “Keynesians”, which means that they believe in lowering taxes during periods of economic distress. That’s why they called for lower taxes here in America during the Great Recession.

      Oh wait, they didn’t. They never, ever call for lower taxes (or lower spending for that matter) here in America under any circumstances.

  36. This story is a few days old, but: Fried food on the outs in changes for Navy chow halls

    my favorite part:

    Whole milk will be replaced by skim and soy

    1. So so so stupid.

    2. Soy is not milk. It’s refined bean juice.

      1. It sounds positively elegant.

      2. Extremely appropriate

        Keep the volume low if you’re in the office

        1. Funny part is, I think she had no idea wha that meant. Just like the jigaboo lady

      3. And not that good for you.

    3. When the hell did we ever get whole milk?

      Most of my deployments, ‘fresh’ milk as 2% and, really, most of it was UHT milk which is basically undrinkable. *Water* in your (bug infested) cereal was better.

      OTOH – its either dumping fried foods or making PT an organized part of the work day. And there’s no way in hell the Navy is going to do the latter since it would cut the number of man-hours of shipboard work available.

      1. I was curious as to what the reality was for things like this in the Navy. This is one the few things that infuriates me. With the amount of money that is spent in our federal government, we cannot give the people a Navy ship a glass of whole milk a day.

        1. Its a matter of opportunity costs.

          That milk doesn’t last long, has got to be shipped from the states or sourced overseas, then put on one ship. Then that ship has to go meet the *warships* and transfer the stores over.

          Doing that puts us in a *very* vulnerable position so UnReps are minimized (its why we still have nuclear carriers as standard when all the other nuke surface ships were retired – more place to put fuel for the planes).

          Large ships (Cruisers and up) may pull into port once month during peacetime – and not at all during conflicts (all the stores/fuel/munitions are UnRepped/VertRepped aboard).

          That’s not to say the food is bad nowadays. There was a concerted effort to improve the quality of galleys/messes during the late 90’s/early 00’s that has paid dividends. And shore facilities (with one notable exception in my experience – NTC Orlando) have always been decent to great.

      2. I was on a Long Slow Target with crap food. At sea we ate C-rats and MRE’s so we could sleep at lunchtime. No midrats in port either. The Marines deployed with us thought the food was okay. Terrible coffee, but bottomless cup.

    4. We really are slaves to fads.

      Mabus touted the SEALs’ “Fuel to Fight” program as an example. It increases the availability of lean-proteins, vegetables, and complex carbohydrates to fuel, rather than feed, the warfighter. Other galleys here have implemented “Go for Green,” a Department of Defense nutrition program that teaches sailors to recognize and select healthier foods.

      Is there even a single neuron, a single clump of brain cells, a single lobe in the Navy given over to considering just how irrational and superstitious, if not schizophrenic, this is?

      1. The Navy is the same organization that tried to adopt Total Quality Management – but decided to rename it Total Quality Leadership – because leadership is good and managing is bad, thus demonstrating that they completely missed the point.

        1. Not because ‘leadership is good, management bad’ but because in the military we ‘lead’, we don’t ‘manage’.

          Except that yes, we do manage also.

        2. Dear god! I had forgotten that utter waste of time. Stupid endless meetings….

      2. Its not really – at least the actual food changes, not the ‘marketing’ that goes on around this stuff to sell it to sailors.

        Deployed we work a huge number of hours and meals are often quick and fried – and for most there isn’t *any* outlet for heavy physical activity while underway to work off the calories.

        Even ground forces have this problem with their POGs among deployed troops – the bases have fairly extensive (and good) food facilities. Infantry and whatnot get sporadic access and spend a lot of time burning those calories off in training and patrol, S1 Marines, not so much.

        The real problem is going to be – what do you do when the ship’s been underway for two weeks and the fruit/veg are rotten and the closest approximation is the ‘relish bar’ (yes, a real thing on ships)?

        1. SUCK IT UP, SAILOR!

          I really have no idea. But, come on… dropping whole milk in favor of soy? And haven’t you got freezers onboard those giant floating matchboxes? Don’t tell me the Navy already succumbed to “fresh veggies are wholesome, frozen veggies are POISON ON ICE” mentality.

          1. Reefer/Freezer space is limited, and consumes energy (fuel). There is not a lot of space volume inside a warship considering it has 5-10 times the crew of a comparable tonnage civilian vessel.

            A frigate carries 210 people (including air det) as standard in a 150 m long x 14 m wide hull.

            1. But if you don’t sacrifice some ship fuel how will you ever freight enough fighter fuel for your battlegladiators?

              1. Naval warfare is extremely civilized.

                Get up in the morning, make coffee.

                Coffee’s ready, go to muster.

                Read Plan of the Day.

                Potter around until time to go to General Quarters.

                Sound alarm. All hands man battle stations.

                Press red button.

                Secure from GQ.

                Go get more coffee.

                2 hours later the enemy is blown up.

                1. Back in my day we had torpedo juice, and we were lucky to have even that!

                2. You’ve sold me. Where do I sign up?

      3. Fuel, rather than feed? Excellent. Warfighter? Incredible.

    5. I lost 8 pounds in boot camp (which was kind of frightening because I only weighed 105 when I joined) by dint of starvation mostly as there was very little offered in the chow hall that I thought qualified as food. If not for fried food and whole milk, I would have died. Granted that was 30 years ago.

      1. And it tweren’t the exercise. I actually exercised less in boot camp than I had as a member of the Varsity swim team— which I found mildly amusing as my fellow recruits huffed and puffed and complained mightily about running around the grinder and doing a few pushups and situps.

        1. Are you Dunphy’s sister?

          1. Now that’s just mean. Right now, I’m a squishy mostly sedentary grandma and probably couldn’t swim a 50 without passing out, but back then I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer, but some fucktards invaded Afghanistan, so other fucktards decided to boycott the Olympics. So instead of continuing to train like a crazy woman (swim 2 miles a day,run, lift weights etc.) I joined the Navy. And all teenagers (including myself as a teen) are brain damaged.

    6. I’m thinking of H. L. Mencken’s mockery of Wilson’s Navy Secretary for banning alcohol in the navy.

  37. “Greece is now being offered the possibility of some emergency financial aid now that its leaders have relented and voted for belt-tightening measures.”

    Yes but are the belts made of Corinthian leather?

    1. The thickly-cushioned luxury of belts available even in soft Corinthian leather

  38. President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today

    It was Blago’s day for visitors.

  39. http://www.slate.com/articles/…..rrors.html

    Slate posts common sense from time to time.

    Unlike the nutcases at Salon.

  40. “President Barack Obama became a first sitting president to visit a federal prison today to talk about criminal justice reform and to encourage us to maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.”

    If only there were some mechanism in place for the President to do something about this.

    1. …without being blamed if the guy he releases commits another crime.

      You left out the most important part.

  41. United States Attorney Bill Killian said that the Federal Bureau of Investigation would take the lead on the case, which he initially called an “act of domestic terrorism” before backing away, saying that the investigation would determine how the crime should be labeled.

    It’s all in the wording, you know.

    1. before backing away

      Furtive movement. Lucky he didn’t get shot.

    2. Workplace violence?

  42. maybe not incarcerate so many people for so long.

    “Sorry some of you are in here for consenting transactions between adults…SUCK IT!”

  43. Because we were talking about making posts of female athletes a thing, I present for your consideration, from Croatian basketball team:

    Antonia Misura

    1. No bad puns about “dribbling balls”? Or “right into the basket?”

      1. I leave such to professionals able to withstand the narrowest of gazes.

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      1. What’s the standard rate on wholesale whores?

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