Video: The TSA's 12 Signs You Might Be a Terrorist

Traveling this summer? Avoid these officially terrorist-y behaviors-or you might get detained.


This story was originally published on July 9, 2015. Here's the original writeup:

This summer vacation, don't get detained at the airport. Avoid these suspicious behaviors that TSA agents are actually trained to look for.

For more Reason coverage of the TSA, click here.

Click below for downloadable versions. And subscribe to Reason TV's YouTube channel for daily content like this.

3:09 minutes.

Written, Produced and Edited by Justin Monticello. Performed by Monticello and Paul Detrick. Shot by Detrick and Alexis Garcia. Additional footage by Alex Manning.

Music by The Green Orbs.

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  1. What is a TSA agent refused to pat down a gay couple because it would violate his religious beliefs? What then, millennials?

    1. Sorry, we can’t answer right now, we’re having a libertarian moment.

      /the millenials

    2. On that day, we *all* become gay.

      1. When we’re all gay, we all get an abortion, and we’re all commies, then what will the left have left to bitch about? They will have a sad. I must go and prepare a very large reservoir to collect their delicious tears.

        1. When we’re all gay, we all get an abortion, and we’re all commies, then what will the left have left to bitch about?

          Trans, Religion, Skin color. A gay commie getting abortions is only halfway to enlightenment.

  2. Traveling this summer?

    Uh oh! Yes! I’m driving to one of the Great Lakes next weekend! Will the TSA thwart my plans? How should I dress? What should I say if the TSA pulls me over and demands my papers? “Am I being detained?” Will that work?

    1. If you get pulled over, just say ‘what’s wrong officer, Dunkin Donuts closed?’. Then make pig noises to the other people in the car and laugh sarcastically.

      This works every time.

      1. Thanks, fellow wood-chipping inside joker. But the TSA has no jurisdiction over drivers!

        [Rimshot. Uneasy applause.]

        1. Well, we all assumed, including you, that the TSA was not going to pull you over. Since no one thought of it as a trick question, then it can’t be one.

          But, I’m sure that my sure fire tactic that I told you about above, will work equally well on all authoritah types.

          1. What about the Fashion Police?

            1. I’m pretty sure that you can just tell those guys to piss off.

          2. my sure fire tactic will work equally well on all authoritah types.

            Even the harmless booth-tender at the state park? Won’t the matronly, part-time minimum-wage toiler be confused if not offended when I call her a pig and make porcine noises? That seems unnecessarily cruel. Can’t I just give her my $8 and move along? Help me to do the righteous thing, Hyperion!

            1. I don’t think she qualifies as an authority figure. Can she shoot you for no reason and never get indicted?

              1. I don’t think she qualifies as an authority figure.

                She can call the state police if I don’t pay and run the booth. Then the authoritay figures can find me and “shoot” me for “no reason,” which they certainly would do for not paying the $8 parking fee. It happens all the time. Now I’m scared. I come here for advice and all I get is violence scenarios!

  3. Sorry, Reason, but you forgot the 13th sign: selling hate memorabilia at a flea market.

    WALLINGFORD, Conn. (WTNH) ? Over the weekend, Wallingford police were dispatched after someone called them to say there was a merchant selling Nazi and Confederate memorabilia at flea market, which some had found deeply offensive. The police chief says no one was arrested because no laws were broken; the items were being sold on private property.…..ea-market/

    1. Robert E. Lee was a secret founder of the NAZI Party!

    2. Some people should not leave home, ever.

  4. Minorities don’t visit National Parks in proportion to their percentage of the population because they fear the white majority will lynch them

    There was always nervous banter as we cruised through small rural towns on our way to a park. And there were jokes about finding a “Whites Only” sign at the entrance to our destination or the perils of being lynched or attacked while collecting firewood after the sun went down. Our cultural history taught us what to expect.

    1. I wonder if private owners would be better at attracting different market segments.

    2. Oh come on, they’re just trolling us now.

    3. NYTs readers in the comments are atypically sensible, pointing out that people of all races regularly visit parks close to home, old white people disproportionately have the time and money and interest to visit distant remote parks,many people of all races have no desire to spend time in the rural outdoors, minorities do visit National Parks, Asians disproportionately visit National Parks, Hispanics like to camp and picnic, and all this focus on trivial racial disparities might just be going too far. Still there are gems:

      I am a black woman who grew up in a rural part of Ohio with beautiful state parks, and as a result I learned to enjoy hiking and outdoor activities. But as an adult I am very careful about where I travel to engage in these outdoor activities, because many state and national parks are in areas where black people are clearly unwelcome. And this presents challenges regarding where to stay, where to eat, etc. I am always on guard in these areas, searching for other black families for reassurance that we are not alone, and that we will be treated fairly. And despite being a very conventional mom-dad-two kids and dog family — just a black one — we often attract stares and hostile attitudes in many of the rural places we go. We choose to ignore these things because we want our children to experience nature and its bounty, but hostility from the local populace clearly is a deterrent for many families of color.

      1. Maybe she’s just really unlucky and visits state parks only during police fundraiser BBQs?

    4. there were jokes about…the perils of being lynched

      Jokes, reality…what’s the diff? The important thing here is SIV’s implication that America’s black population won’t visit the national parks because, as childish, superstitious, tribalist darkies, they fear Whitey will snatch and hang them.

      1. My implication? RTFA

    5. I was at White Sands National Monument on Easter Sunday. It was very crowded. I think I saw a couple of African-Americans, a few Asians, and a small number of those stereotypical National Park visitors-old white people (some so white they most certainly held European passports). Otherwise it was about 95% Hispanic although a few might have been Native-American on their census forms. I was neither fearful nor surprised and gave only the briefest moment of thought to the visitor demographics.

      1. You have a website that could drive a SJW insane.

        Carry on.

        1. You’re presupposing sanity.

  5. Street Fighter V – Ken Trailer | PS4

    Finally, a Ken that doesn’t look like a clone of Ryu Not sure about the man bun though.

    1. I’m sure there is some academic text somewhere analyzing how Japanese-style video game characters are given blond hair and anglophone names

      I am equally sure some dumb bitch somewhere thinks “its a problem”

      1. Not to detract from your point–which is also true in real life as seen in hair dyeing trends in Korea and Japan–but Ken Masters is an American who came to Japan to train with Ryu, and Ken is a Japanese name as well.

        1. You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance.

        2. My freshman year of college I played something like 200 Streetfighter (NES) games in a row in a fucking mega-epic weekend marathon.

          I determined Blanka was a monkey was because the Japanese are really really racist.

          1. That sounds like… torture. To each his own, I guess.

              1. What is that I just can’t even.

            1. “That sounds like… torture”

              There was also a keg of beer and an ounce of weed, and the 1992 Eastern Conference Playoffs ongoing at the time.

              Basically, it was a kind of nirvana you will never understand.

              1. Oh I get it… except for me the choice of game and drink were less dude-bro – I think it was Super Mario and many vodka-teas.

                    1. Jeez, those two need to get a room already.

                    2. We did get a room. And great things happened in that room that i will never forget

                    3. We did get a room.

                      Not you. The shirtless, muscly, sweaty, grappling dudes.

                    4. ” The shirtless, muscly, sweaty, grappling dudes.”

                      yes, and the knicks lost. it was horrible. but a transformative moment in my life.

                1. Super MarioKart, Battle Mode, or GTFO

                  1. That’s an odd way to spell “Goldeneye“, Tone.

          2. “When Ken was about 12 years old, his father, a rich hotel tycoon, thought that his son needed to learn about discipline, or his son would become a spoiled brat all of his life and try to leech onto the Masters’ family fortune. In order to do so, the elder Masters sent Ken to Japan to train under his best friend, the mysterious karate master Gouken. At first, Ken was very hesitant to learn from Gouken, wanting to go back to the United States, but later began to respect his master. He even enjoyed the company of Gouken’s adopted son, Ryu, since he had a foil to finally pull pranks on, although this got Ken into a lot of trouble. Ryu and Ken would later become best friends and each other’s principal rivals. “

            Yeah, nice try. I know who Ken really is.

  6. Racist National Parks article via link from the Twitter feed of some astronomer/ mentally ill person/SJW “activist” named Angela Speck who is very upset with Neil deGrasse Tyson’s mildly amusing global warming joke:

    Trigger Warning: Twitter Link

    Other lady science n’ academia types quite upset as well.


      1. It’s somewhat depressing that Ms. Speck appears to be a professional astronomer when her true calling is as an activist:

        Angela Speck ?@Stardustspeck Jul 9

        @Morketh05 well, you know, I could do with a nap… But pointing out microagressions isn’t “whiny”, its activism – there’s a difference.

        I also learned that NdGT is not well loved by the STEM feminists. I guess he’s not all bad.

        1. Wrong intersectionality – he’s a dude.

  7. Homeowners tend to get angry at “kids” who do things like play their radios too loud.

    But in Belfast, UK, a man shows sang-froid about “kids” lighting a bonfire in his neighborhood – a bonfire big enough that the fire department had to be there to protect the neighborhood’s homes.

    “”They were needed – the fire brigade – here because I think a couple of the roofs nearly went on fire, but I’m for the kids,” he told the Sunday News.”

    Other than that, have a safe Battle of the Boyne anniversary! (Though King Billy himself would probably have told the kids to get off his lawn)…..d-33499538

      1. We’ve had our talk about this, Eddie. You used up your Tag-Team privileges

          1. And when you’re finished with that one, I have this cool video using an excerpt from a German movie.

          1. If those wrestlers are straight, so is Richard Simmons, NTTAWWT.

            1. Don’t flame those WWF fanboys. You have no idea.

    1. Incidentally, I just realized this is a real-life counterpart to a hypothetical I used this morning.

      These “kids” burned Irish and Papal flags on the bonfire.*

      Suppose they went to a Catholic shopkeeper and asked to buy some gas cans to pour fuel on their bonfire, “so we can show what we think about your people.”

      Eugene Volokh would say that there is no First Amendment problem with forcing the shopkeeper to sell those gas cans.

      And remember the case in Northern Ireland where the baker got fined for refusing to bake a Bert and Ernie wedding cake?

      *They may have burned a stolen statue of the Virgin Mary, but I didn’t see definitive proof so I’ll ignore it.

      1. Dammit, Eddie, you’ve been the not-crazy wanker since we all got gay married. Don’t ruin the ride.

        1. Ha ha…wait, I don’t get it.

          1. By which to say, you were expected to be the one to run around, hair on fire, shrieking, “YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS JUST LIKE HITLER GAY MARRIED?!1” And you totally didn’t.

            So don’t.

            1. My beef was with Eugene Volokh, who was quoted earlier today.

              Now, I think your characterization is unfair, since I don’t have enough hair to risk setting it on fire.

              1. ” Volokh explains that a cake, in and of itself, has not typically been seen by the law as an expression of speech. Therefore a baker doesn’t have a precedent to claim that he or she is being forced to express a statement in support of gay marriage by stacking baked goods and covering them with fondant.”


                Which is like saying oilcans aren’t typically seen by the law as an expression of speech, therefore the First Amendment lets someone use government force to get an oil can from an Irish Catholic to make an anti-Catholic bonfire.

      2. Bert can’t marry Ernie, he’s already married to Harry.

  8. After reading the link about calling the cops because of confederate paraphernalia at a flea market and the black lady who feels intimidate at national parks I’ve resolved that I really hate people – just all people. We are a nation of jackasses.

    That is all.

    1. In other news: I got a sunburn today. Use sunscreen, kids.

      1. Check out this link for soboro. The recipe itself is quite good (I would decrease the sugar, increase the sesame oil, double the finely chopped green onion and add them at the last second, but that is one person’s opinion). The real gold is the comments section.

        I tried this but realized I had none of the proper ingredients. So I substituted.

        1 pound ground beef
        1/4 cup chopped pepperoni slices
        Soul seasoning [because I love ground beef and cinnamon]
        garlic powder
        and a dash of Italian seasonings.

        Came out pretty good! My bf liked it enough to request it twice in the same week.

        Also, chicken is the least offensive meat, the comments instruct us. The more you know. *beard stroke* There’s no way I’m going to, like, internet search as to why chicken is the least offensive meat, but still general goodness of knowing. I can leave that mystery to ponder whilst stoned and some ill-mannered cad yoinked the bathroom reading.

        H/T Jesse for the recipe.

        1. Thanks for sharing the recipe.

        2. bf?

          You gay or something?

          Great. That makes, what, four of you now?

          We’re being invaded.

          1. Or there’s another possibility

            1. Do go on.

            2. No there isn’t. Don’t you know that there aren’t any… I’ve said too much.

        3. I particularly like the olive oil + tempeh variation.


    2. I really hate people – just all people

      Except for some special commentariat folk, right? Wink.

      1. Of course. Except for my special sweethearts among the H&R commenting community. I suspect, though, that I only like them because I don’t know them IRL.

        1. And that is why we will never meet in person. Problem solved!

          It also keeps me from having to bathe. Or floss. Or put some clothes on.

          1. And that’s the way we like you, Crusty. Stanky, sticky, and naked.

            1. Now I am in love with you! I am so confused.

              1. You people are weird.

                1. She wants me to be who I really am!

                  1. I suspect a trap.

                  2. She wants me to be who I really am!

                    Of course, of course. Just From a Distance

                    1. I am the wind beneath your wings.

                    2. You truly are The Rose.

    3. Nation? What about foreigners? Don’t they get their chance to be jackasses too?

  9. A Lynching in Texas

    “He had to go,” “Bear” said. “That’s what happens when you kill someone.”

    When will this extrajudicial killing by citizens who take the law into their own hands stop?

    1. I see what you are doing, and I wholeheartedly approve of this endeavor. We should make this a thing.

    2. I see what you are doing, and I wholeheartedly approve of this endeavor. We should make this a thing.

    3. Brenda Thornton ? Top Commenter ? Cypress, Texas
      Generally, any alligator which attacks a human is declared a severe nuisance and is likely to be put down. However, it should be done by the appropriate authorities.

      1. Naturally.

      2. I have more trust in fellow citizen “Bear” and his lynch mob.

    4. Hey, let’s not rush to judgment, these are just alligations, not proof.

    5. Yeah, he showed that gator. I’m sure its buddies will think twice about snacking on a human again.

      1. Evolution.

  10. WOW: Walker Wins: New Budget Will Repeal University Tenure…..z3fjAXgbXz

    1. Wow, indeed. They caved too easily. I wonder what the hitch is.

      1. Something about photographs involving camels, I’d guess.

  11. This thing about Greece demanding for reparations from Germany can open up a can of worms I reckon:…..eparations

    Zero Hedge’s commenters are, erm, special.

    1. Are they Jew-baiting again? ZH is a hotbed of Jew-baiting.

      1. Yes. Yes they are.

        They’re fucken nuts.

        1. That’s because they daily visit a site that confirms their paranoid views of the world and so they feed off each other until….. *Lighbulb flickers* Wait a second!

      2. Ga’way! Jewbatin’!

        1. If you are into that sort of thing just look at Bar Rafaeli’s instagram.*

          *I shared knowing this website is now full of women and gay men, and that neither of those groups will appreciate the link. I shared it for the minority. For us. Stand together, straight men!

          1. See below for a non-draft-dodging hot woman.

          2. Stand together, straight men

            Can we be sitting down, while giving her a standing ovation instead?

            /The Producers

        2. Gentlemen, start your…you know…


          1. Oh, and unlike certain *other* Israeli women, Gal Gadot actually completed her military service:


          2. She’s no Lynda Carter, that’s for sure.

            1. You’ve got me in your lasso, so I may as well be frank
              If I were Jewish I’d show you my Hebrew National beef frank

              1. Go on…

                1. I feel so young, I wonder where my age went
                  If you’re Jewish, does that mean you’re you own agent?

                  (ha ha, just a little joke)

                  1. *your* own agent

                  2. You’re so hot, you’re in the 100th percentile
                    Do what you want with me, just don’t cut off my Gentiles

                    1. Well, that’s all I’ve got…I couldn’t think of a rhyme for Miyam Bialik.

                    2. OK, one more:

                      It work out between us, I have to admit
                      I’m like the waiter, I want to keep my tip

                    3. It *won’t* work out between us

                    4. Never mind. Don’t go on.

                    5. Careful what you wish for.

    2. You know who *else* —

      Oh wait, never mind. It really *was* Hitler.

    3. I’m sure Germany’s taxpayers would be thrilled to throw money at Greece to wash their hands of the sins of the fathers.

      1. The request is not without merit though.…

        1. Fine. Take the money from the handful of Nazis that are still alive.

  12. Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

  13. I am a terrorist. Pure and fucking simple. I fucking love dragon’s milk spilled down my throat which my fat cock will be enjoyed by the government as they play Attack the Fat Meat with my drunk ass. Fact is, I am a terrorist that the entire spectrum of the motherfucking goddamn government hates because I enjoy being left alone to FUCK myself in the asshole with my own mind. Every single motherfucking agency in the entire United States government considers me a threat because I plant motherfucking goddamn golden canna bulbs with my balls hanging in the dirt. I like to garden stoned, fucked up, and super fucking naked. And I also like to do lines on my wife’s ass and her girlfriend and boyfriend’s ass… and I love lying in the sun fucked up on dragon’s milk. I am a terrorist because I love a motherfucking dragon mother to alight from those fucking mountains in the mists and pay me a special agile cyorg visit where mother dragon pours me some breezy dragon milk from all of her massive 20 tits…. And then I will nudely fondle mother dragons nipples and pat her ass and massage her dragon neck and send her loved back to the mists swirling round the dark mountains…. I am a terrorist and I love dragon’s milk and flowers.

  14. I am a terrorist because I FUCKING LOVE Bertrand Russell.

    I am a terrorist because I think patriotism is MOTHERFUCKING only worth it if life and liberty is truly free.

    I am a terrorist because I fucking HATE ISIS.

    I am a terrorist because I think America is above stealing my motherfucking computer data- all you shit-eaters at the NSA. Yea, You eat SHIT, every single one of you motherfuckers who steal and pawn and prowl the data of Americans who like to get naked and high and get fucked up and make lots of money while fucking lovers in various back fucking yards and pools. Fuck you all. Leave us the FUCK alone.

    I am a terrorist because I motherfucking LOVE fireworks… fuck this shit…

  15. I am a terrorist because I drink constantly and I fuck constantly and I do drugs often.

    I am a terrorist because I love worship and sentences and reason.

    I am a terrorist because my lover is reason. I am a terrorist because reason writes brilliance like starbows and universe flashbangs and the subsets slide in like assassins underwriting the stoked imaginations like a silent volcano of ebbing inverses…..

    The assassins slip in after queen enb or welch or soave or the Dark Jetted Man or that Indian woman with grand intelligence and the adorable fucking hot scribe writing about the fucking kids and a multitude of brain pajamas… the assassins slip in like terrorists depositing phrased and fonts that a government is perturbed by cuz modern government is filled with fucking dummies who haven’t read a motherfucking single line of the constitution or eons of fucking super awe philosophy and modern motherfucking ed seems to create massive cunts and cocks who simply want to stick a knife in the head of citizen.

    1. Way too fucking young.. brilliance jacked up by time desperados. Peace out.

    2. Down the great sewer pipe.

  16. No government worker likes Americans.

    People who run the Federal Government must be like, ‘Bitch, you is our bitch, your motherfucking ass works for us, bitch. We, this thing of super-powered up hereness, owns your bitch ass,… keep in mind that YOU (you dumb fuck) ARE NOT an average citizen- no sirree… YOU are a…(hmmm… what the fuck is this ass fart on fed bucks? herm… Shit) YOU ‘REPRESENT’ the president (bitch is jacking off to zebras) so get out there and take down some GODDAMN CITIZENS like fifty miles from the border and shit…. Make their Dollar General lives fucked up and shit and then go home happy and eat Twinkies, you fucking puppy-fucking fat boy.

  17. So human lives are brutally short. Colleges and shit promulgate the young into the various exciting fields and swathes.

    The young are actually lit fires on beaches in the dark where really crazy fucking sharks lurk beyond the marshmallows.

    Then for the young a lover must be married and shit, kids. Everyone needs those. Diapers. Out the fucking wazoo and then the wife or husband gets boring, or irritating, or he or she doesn’t live up to your or hers or his shit. The kids are in the backyard at 8 and 10 while mommy and daddy are planning new futures with lovers neither met until today.

    Then shit gets streaky time-wise… mamma ain’t as hot as she was when she was 24 and daddy has a big gut and their newest partners aren’t so great either because life works that way… kids are now 15 and 17 and the bellies on everyone has grown except for the kids who are living fucking great lives while the adults in their lives are heading toward a grave.

    A fucking dead end. Mamma wakes up at 37 and wants to FUCK up the families finances after 35 because she missed out on being motherfucking free due to religion yet papa is giving her everything she wants. FUCK MY SISTER. FUCK YOU BEK! You are wrong…

  18. Life is a tap tap on the beats of time and we will all fall on its sounds and and while cheap wine keeps most of us checked others are looking for lights beyond the grave and sweetheart, those lights are strangers past your years when you fall frail and your mind slips into a lost grave, love.

    If you are 22 or 32 reading this- time mesmerizes like a brilliant star and then you wake and life after what you dreamt of is fucking NOT heading toward a pile of love streambows.

    Time lurks like a nasty boy and when you go to sleep one night you wake you and the nasty boy steals an entire decade and your skin looks different… and you offspring are…you.

  19. I think worship is special, man. I think we should worship life and love and soft clouds and puppies and little trees with special blossoms and really soft grass. i believe tons of shit should be hated, reviled, killed, assassinated, and destroyed but worship is deeper than murder and killing and brutality committed by you who love this country…

    Worship the deep of the womb of stars, bro
    Worship your Jesus,
    Worship your Muhammed
    Worship your political ethos…

    Let us not seek to kill for reward, brothers.
    Let us seek rails into the beyond times….
    Killing has never been part of greatest minds and thoughts (unless you motherfucking whore government shills and you know who you are PURCHASED with AMERICAN taxes a means to KILL TONS OF innocent human beings)

    And this same government that BRUTALLY scummed the lives of millions of families and children in Nagasaki and Hiroshima – they ALL lived long lives here in America spending picnics in rich parks and decades of bliss while all those little motherfucking Japanese innocents from all the ages beneath 12 suffered horribly and die by the thousands….

    I am a terrorist because I think America is filled with weak political minds.

    I am a terrorist because American universities suck.

  20. The yawn of time is subjected to modern ethos. an unrelated burgeoning of tunes and spasms I guess most of us should care about but I don’t. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU TARANTINO….weak movies since Weinstein shaved your dick lips. Tarantino, if you thrive it is because you suck and your dick spits weak baby lava. Tarantino the little boy movie producer. I guess the marvelous little fuck makes so many millions now he doesn’t give a single motherfucking shit about the motherfucking shit that…

    not doing it.. fuckit… FUCK this shit.

  21. I am not one that worships. but as a super hardcore atheist with a deep atomic past in Pentecostalism I have found that worship down beyound is not god but deep spiritual or even deep mind… this bro gets fucked up and stabs his ego with a fucking pile of swords bro….
    Sorry man our ego is where our spirituality is located even when no god exists bro… I neg god but I smash with jams that wang or smashlights of living whether by jesus or a-thei or flow buddha or slam straight relief mind on the strung set out tapping not gunshot or peace out, bro

  22. the lights bend differently… brah….

  23. I can’t do Wu Tang anymore, man…. I’m sorry Wu Tang, no dice bitches…

    Too many legs and arms sliced off to your lines… I understand macabre armies took your verses- I appreciate that but one day I sat and saw an amazing black man cry unto me with his hands on his arms because some fucking coked up teenagers chopped his hands off and …..

    yea…. these child soldiers loved Wu Tang and cocaine mixed with gunpowder and my friend in the early 90’s lost his hands.


    1. AC, if you can hear this, point your Ham radio at the smallest structure in your house. I’m transmitting the secret of Pi.

      1. A million straffs race my lovely point vertex and no fucker ever born can outrun the fucked straffin and beyound that FUCKING down bullet jet when straffinrun lost his craft on that maroon planet with strange lights most on NASA wanted to piss of STRAFF but i cut all their dicks and vaginas off and buried them in the dessert because I felt strongly StraffinRum COULD brave the planets!

        1. Thanks

          1. Nah, I love my brulliont Straffinrun laser… I will travel on your laser lover…. I will trip on straffinrun the beast light….

  24. There are no terms for human rockets jetted into future states.. where the dude sat on his deck in the early 70’s and whapped out and revived in 2.17. He or she paid for this time massage, man. I once sold a huge boat when I was a young groovy dude to an in-between. He woke up before his time and spent a fortune with me and afterward his boat floundered in the marine for 15 years and I never saw him again…. Marinas occasionally deal with this…. strange shit.

  25. I did sail a boat on strange planet on a day I was not terribly happy. Often things occur and we do things here and there and make sandwiches with really fucking good bread and butter pickles on them, my old black muscular bro … I can’t remember your name you black muscular dude but I loved your intenses studying because no one studied as hard as you in the school that was removed by fucking massive machines…. Peace out, brother…

    my schools are gone… ALL of my schools have been removed… elementary, junior, high… all gone.

    But certain lives arise above the ruins….shit… life is love and if we love planets our pain will only grow with our energy because a million memories exists on the neurons of our rocketships…

  26. I do love piano plucks.
    I think that rocket ships are piano plucks.

  27. I heard an alien cry one day and the first thing it asked for was a bra. and he had a massive dick
    filled with blonde aliens. and when it rained the snake he loved asked for a bottle of lava booze
    prob is lava booze is only enjoyed by snakes in distant planets no fucking human ever discovered aside from this alien boozer… well, he was an alien and a boozer and he liked women and

    you don’5 haf 3 5o to b ea la… my finfrea

    shit– IWHATY?

    super focraled…

    you don’t have to B a rock 23 love pussy. pussy is.awesom

  28. I died into a bottle of desert
    and I digged into pluto because
    i hated to fell limbs
    and beneath the clods
    my face hurrried from huts
    that little fucking sand dwangs planted huge fucking
    resorts on my fuckin boobs and dick and nodes
    and I just had to roll over and send the
    sand dwags a ton of mcmuffins and sharkbutts

    and this dude escaped into a dream
    where neighborhoods of tall stones
    confused me
    I escaped but I didnt escape because man
    dude My mind is not where parents whould enjoy being and I am a parent but this
    is a typed trip… and still my face is feelable and I can still smash tunes on my chest.
    and lights make humans
    and humans aren’t really real
    cuz humans are living shorts….
    they live sadly and tearfully short….
    um… you will not live long…
    college, marriage, babies, 40’s….. death/

    Can you all please enjoi life NOT designed by Enews and the Jezebel and the government….

    Break some FUCKING marital rules bitches…. you will die soon…. we don’t live long.


    nah…. you will divorce like most will- unless you rise above the norm fuckership.

  29. Couldn’t sleep, so while I’m waiting for the benadryl to kick in I decided, on the advice of a certain blogger, to check out that Interrobang publication. You remember, the one that interviewed Stacy Patton, who authored and WaPo article taking Amy Schumer to task for her racist humor and then admitted never having watched the source material? Well, she came to her own defense in the comments?sorta. After trying to defend pulling quotes from twitter as “research,” and being called on her bullshit excuses, she started lobbing around her own insults and then winning about the racism. It’s glorious.

    1. DrStaceyPatton
      I always say that writing about race is like being an exorcist. You get to see all kinds of ugliness come out of people who hide behind the anonymity of the Internet to say things they would never muster up the courage to say to someone face to face.

      Or is it like exorcism in that it’s a completely fraudulent “solution” to misdiagnosed phenomena?

      1. I witnessed exorcisms, com.

        It’s late but lets get this live started.

        I witnessed exorcism of mostly young bitches that did not hAVE a sinGLE FUCKING DEMON….

        trying to respeq yo, nigga, but for realgo? Nah….

        Demons are ALWAYA in U.
        Demons live in old structures and in U.
        Demons play and smash in mind that haven’t escaped U.
        Demons live in brain tunnels and U.

        Enjoy Demons- and brain spasms….
        I do

    2. NIGGERS ALMOST KILLED ME…. fuck… and a black man saved me when i wauz 14.

      I would have been fucked up if that black man had not chased all the FUCKING CRIP NIGGERS off….

      some whites are niggers and some blacks are niggs.. fuckit

      I prefer to love my people no matter how much o a nigger I am and I’m white i guess….

      Reggie- I just remembered his name… Reggie- I LOVE YOU… bro.. our high school is gone… you were black but I respcketed you so much… Reggie, awesomeoe arms and amazing brain…
      Reggie you remember that lovely librarian the white hater who liked me and my sisters.

      Reggie, strange times… and I love the black librarian in my high school that is now gone….

      She stepped up, Reggie, when I fucking fought back against the crips, bro…. deep man,

      It’s alll gone…. erased… pages of times ended at the tip of bulldover……

  30. lines of locks slam into me
    and my knuckles hurt because rocket man smashed me
    and bro stop hurting me with your noises and tunes from old times
    new times are gasoline on the faces of realization shepherd lover

    you know we travel on these lines, man.
    I am floshlight on the alleys of inner wands, bro
    so we travel ondinurth in the wazza broojes well onto the
    cliffs of trazmadik beneath the tunwhales….. i will paint seas with liveries of killers under the seas and waves………………………………….

  31. Behind time lies the inescapable
    and behind tears lies over-doses and hymns
    and underneath the stairs of stars
    you will find big bangs and
    sordid dark eutopias strangely
    wronged by current reality
    time is stretched over a fabric of stars that have no boundary, enb,
    I love stars, enb,,,,
    time is not real beyond the stars, enb.

    Science doesn’t know this yet but time isn’t real in the deep ocean of lights.
    the only reason they demand this is because humans fear time and its evaporation

    time is empty past the greatest stars. enb.
    and all my lovers on the greatest winds of binard echoes enflected with fingers…
    I love the stars and the churnings of the universe and the voice of the diamons in the se slivers of atomic persuasions……

  32. distant art is not a bridge it is a tune of flights
    where ancward arks swing adie fro ghosui
    on scattered pithy scrams and smooths brangs
    wouopon foci lights

    despamarando under massive dimenisions.bto.
    I will transverse into the deep space and my arch is fights
    realize wands and yet I will not die out here I will live
    in this dream man and I am out here in dee p fucking space under the mantle of moons and I will not ide out here, bitch..

    I will sail trand gauds on old alleys

  33. My teeth screamed tears on old mem

  34. I walked over the bridge early that morning
    and I was 17 and I hate the motherfucker that
    bullied thefuckwith my little sister shay….

    I had cred, bitches…
    street hardcore….agile can’t eve say….

    I had cred- I’m not happy i hurt gangstas andbitches the tried to kill me or break my fucking limbs.

    my 2 sistahs…. I had 2 in the 80’s and I was the FUCKING geek no crip or or mex gang or blood would fuck with cuz…. i actually was 3rd degree blackbelt in a brown dumbass povety sweater…

    I was poor, wore shit clothing, BUT in the 80s I kicked the ass of legendary Mexican gangster in junior high…..

    I kicked Escobars ass… and followed by little sister home and smacked the FUCK out of Crip that treated my loveyl sister like shit.. FUCK you CRIPS…

    I received hardcore pain but gave as much with love…

  35. I make up to $90 an hour working from my home. My story is that I quit working at Walmart to work online and with a little effort I easily bring in around $40h to $86h? Someone was good to me by sharing this link with me, so now i am hoping i could help someone else out there by sharing this link… Try it, you won’t regret it!……

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