Cybersecurity

Government Snoops Who Want Your Data Hand 4 Million Personnel Records to Hackers

How's that whole "trust us" thing working out?

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chizoo/Foter

I know that gloating is unseemly, but I'm an ill-tempered prick, so I'm just going to bask in schadenfreude (what a lovely German word) over news that the federal busybodies who so insistently demand access to our personal information just had a shitload of their own sensitive data swiped. According to officials, hackers working for the Chinese government stole the personnel records of four million current and former federal employees.

The Office of Personnel Management explains:

The U.S. Office of Personnel Management (OPM) has identified a cybersecurity incident potentially affecting personnel data for current and former federal employees, including personally identifiable information (PII).

Within the last year, the OPM has undertaken an aggressive effort to update its cybersecurity posture, adding numerous tools and capabilities to its networks.  As a result, in April 2015, OPM detected a cyber-intrusion affecting its information technology (IT) systems and data. The intrusion predated the adoption of the tougher security controls…

As a result of the incident, OPM will send notifications to approximately 4 million individuals whose PII may have been compromised.  Since the investigation is on-going, additional PII exposures may come to light; in that case, OPM will conduct additional notifications as necessary.  In order to mitigate the risk of fraud and identity theft, OPM is offering credit report access, credit monitoring and identify theft insurance and recovery services to potentially affected individuals through CSID®, a company that specializes in these services.  This comprehensive, 18-month membership includes credit monitoring and $1 million in identity theft protection services at no cost to enrollees.

Credit monitoring. Well, that's all right then.

Just last week, the Internal Revenue Service revealed that it had been taken by hackers to the tune of 100,000 taxpayer records. That was sufficiently disturbing then, and still is to those affected. But nobody ever thought the tax collectors gave a damn about the privacy of the milking cows. The hack of personnel data reveals that the feds can't even protect their own minions.

Officials told CNN they "believe that the massive breach of the federal data system was carried out by the Chinese government." So during your next audit or other similar enforced informational colonoscopy, feel free to chime in with "hey, I hear Chinese spies know everything about you. That's gotta suck."

It might not stop the ordeal, but it will make you feel better.

NEXT: Video: Rand Paul: "I'd put Clapper and Snowden in the same jail cell"

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  1. “Within the last year, the OPM has undertaken an aggressive effort to update its cybersecurity posture, adding numerous tools and capabilities to its networks. As a result, in April 2015, OPM detected a cyber-intrusion affecting its information technology (IT) systems and data. The intrusion predated the adoption of the tougher security controls…”

    This is such a hilariously bureaucratic self-congratulatory way of saying,

    “We’d have never known Teh Shineeze Wuz Taykin Ar Stuff but for our Aggressive New Monitoring Systems Infrastructure and Posturing Program of Greatness and Epic Awesome. Therefore = We need more money. Because CHINA dude. You can’t trust a Chinaman thats all Cybering and Shit”

    1. OPM. We’re not as incompetent as we used to be.

      1. This clearly is 50 words short of government-minimum-word-branding rationales.

        Your succinctness is a sign of private sector influence. AUSTERITY POLITICS!!

    2. You can’t trust a Chinaman…

      I’m gonna break out my old Sax Rohmer books.

      1. How can you trust someone who eats soup with a pair of sticks? Answer that smart guy.

  2. Ha ha!

    Also, do you seriously have the same video autoplaying twice on the H&R front page? For shame, Reason.

  3. Maybe before collecting everyone’s data in a massive database the pols should ask themselves how comfortable they are having their porn searches made public because I have a feeling that’s going to happen.

  4. I like on-his-way-out-the-door Tuccille. He’s delightfully snarky.

    1. 2chilli is the soul of wit of this mag at the moment

      1. If it was Sheldon before, then I feel really badly for y’all.

        1. Sheldon is the “crazy old man” that cleans up the place on the weekends

  5. I know that gloating is unseemly, but I’m an ill-tempered prick…

    Moneyshot

  6. Dox them. Dox them all.

  7. Hey, shit happens. What if everyone could see what YOU do for a living and weigh in on it in a public forum at any time, TOO CHILLY? Huh? Yeah, what if it were like THAT?

    /clueless

    1. I picture the staff getting together at the water cooler to trade war stories about the commentariat.

      1. Well, who knew that Soave was so thin-skinned?

      2. I think that’s what Twitter is for

  8. My best friend’s mother-in-law makes $85 hour on the internet . She has been out of work for 5 months but last month her pay was $16453 just working on the internet for a few hours.
    Visit this website ????????? http://www.workweb40.com

    1. Tell your best friend that his mother in law gives a lousy $10 BJ. 1/5 stars. I would not recommend.

    2. sorry to break it to you but your best friend’s mom is a craigslist whore

      1. What do you mean break it to him? It’s the best news he’s had all day.

  9. OPM is offering credit report access, credit monitoring and identify theft insurance and recovery services to potentially affected individuals through CSID?, a company that specializes in these services. This comprehensive, 18-month membership includes credit monitoring and $1 million in identity theft protection services at no cost

    “In a bizarre twist, it turns out that CSID?, which has received approximately $500M of taxpayer money to cover the OPM breach, is wholly owned by the Chinese government.”

    1. The irony…is delicious.

  10. now china can look at all those people’s dic pics

  11. If you have nothing to hide, then what are you…

    /PAF! Slams head into tree branch.

    …worried aboot?

  12. Most of the media is portraying this as a massive cyber attack. There’s no evidence this was massive or an attack. It was a successful cyber theft but the threat of theft rarely drives security spending.

  13. Btw this is more like hacking the governments HR dept, lots of important stuff but rarely anything embarrassing. It’s not like they got into a surveillance db or anything.

  14. It appears that only criminals and governments have a very high interest in knowing about you and get highly personally involved in your affairs.

    1. You’ve obviously never logged into Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc., ad infinitum.

  15. Well, I’m one of your federal “busybodies,” and my job does not require me to demand your personal information. I’m a logistician, and my job does require me to make sure our special operations forces are supplied with everything they need to fight our jihadi enemies. And because my job requires a security clearance, even more of my personal information is available for hacking than your average employee. So, are you still feeling like a prick for assuming all federal employees are busybodies, because your attitude sure does make you one.

    1. “Our jihadi enemies”? You could always get a private sector job, you know.

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  18. Nathaniel . although Stephanie `s rep0rt is super… I just bought a top of the range Mercedes sincee geting a check for $4416 this last four weeks and would you believe, ten/k last-month . no-doubt about it, this really is the best-job I’ve ever done . I actually started seven months/ago and almost straight away started making a nice over $79.. p/h….. ?????? http://www.worksite90.com

  19. Start making cash right now… Get more time with your family by doing jobs that only require for you to have a computer and an internet access and you can have that at your home. Start bringing up to $8596 a month. I’ve started this job and I’ve never been happier and now I am sharing it with you, so you can try it too. You can check it out here…
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