Obama Says All is Well in Fight Against ISIS, Spy Agencies Targeted App Stores, Senate Clears Barrier to Fast-Track Trade Authority: P.M. Links


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  1. Do you have big Memorial Day weekend plans? You may already be on the road.

    So thank the government for that road!

    1. Hello.

    2. Game 5, Chicago Blackhawks @ the Honda Center.

      Hopefully that’ll be the game that sends the Hawks into the cup finals.

    3. Not me. I’m spending Memorial Day vacationing in sunny Somalia!

  2. The NSA and other intelligence agencies targeted app stores to plant spyware on smartphones, files released by Edward Snowden reveal. They also went after a popular Chinese mobile browser.

    What 4th amendment?

    1. There’s an app for that!

      1. “By accepting this EULA, you agree to permanently cede your 4th amendment rights to privacy.”

      1. He earned it today. He had been doing much better, but then…..

        1. I’m glad I decamped from the Mourning Lynx before that happened.

        2. All jokes aside, Tony Villar failed it five times.

    1. Low blow! Erik looks like a standup guy, and it’s a real cool story. No need to besmirch him by association.

      Can we get some corner time here?

      1. Yeah exactly. I don’t know what Playa has against Weber, he seems like a solid dude.

      2. I know. I struggled with it. I have impulse control issues.

        1. Do you also have a harpoon made of glass and a nuclear bomb in the sidecar of your motorcycle?

    2. Man With Autism Becomes First Student at Cal Western to Pass Bar Exam


      1. It’s not a very good law school.

      2. Woman With Autism Becomes First Journalist At News 7 to Report on Man With Autism Becoming First Student at Cal Western to Pass Bar Exam

        1. HODOR!!!

      3. The entire article is riddled with poor phrasing and grammar issues:

        “When I found out, I really did pass my keyboard got wet with tears of joy,” Erik said.

        Someone knows not how to employ a comma. I’m guessing that nbcsandiego has been nobly employing the SpEd community for years now.

        Or Ms. Tevrizian earned a journalism degree by carrying a mattress around campus.

        1. A mattress stained with the blood of Turks.

    3. I had always imagined him with a neckbeard.

  3. Jobless claims rose a hair more than expected, but economists say it’s getting so much better all the time.

    Meeting expectations?

  4. Jobless claims rose a hair more than expected, but economists say it’s getting so much better all the time.

    We need MOAR STIMULUZ!

    – Krugabe

  5. A dozen states have yet to recover the jobs lost in the recession.

    After all that crack economist in the White House and those in governors’ mansions and in various legislatures have done to help the situation?

    1. I can say that my spring quarter has sucked balls. The last two months are probably 40% down from last year.

    2. Some people just can’t be helped I guess?

      Wait, that’s wrong – hit it twice as hard to make it go!

    3. You forgot the comma between ‘crack’ and ‘economist’.

  6. National Archives officials were worried about Hillary Clinton’s proprietary approach to official records even before she left the State Department.

    It takes a village…

    …to subpoena Clinton’s emails?

    1. Well, to find them first.

    2. It takes a Village Idiot to run the State Department anymore. Apparently.

      1. Somewhere in a Chicago suburb, a village is missing its idiot?

    3. Last I heard, the National Archivists were looking for the Clinton emails in Sandy Berger’s socks.

    4. Last I heard, the National Archivists were looking for the Clinton emails in Sandy Berger’s socks.

      1. Sorry, that’s probably not funny enough to post even once.

  7. International opposition to Islamic State is doing just fine, says President Obama, days after the fall of Ramadi in Iraq. Next up for the homicidal fanatics: keeping everybody guessing about their plans for the ancient archeological treasures of Palmyra.

    Damn your nimble fingers 2-Chilly. I had something for this.

    Also fuck those guys.

    1. I blame global warming.

      Understand, climate change did not cause the conflicts we see around the world. Yet what we also know is that severe drought helped to create the instability in Nigeria that was exploited by the terrorist group Boko Haram. It’s now believed that drought and crop failures and high food prices helped fuel the early unrest in Syria, which descended into civil war in the heart of the Middle East.

      1. It’s like people can’t just be barbarian assholes because they’re barbarian assholes anymore.

        Next the Irish will be drinking and beating their wives and the Welsh will be fucking sheep because of Global Warming.

        1. No no no. The SCOTS will be fucking sheep. The Welsh will be eating coal, as is their wont.

          1. ARGH. I can’t win with this. Every time I say the Scots are sheepfuckers I get corrected that it’s the Welsh. When I finally say the Welsh are sheepfuckers I’m told it’s the Scots.

          2. Having spent some time in Scotland, the sheep may be the better of the two alternatives.

        2. Jesus Jesse.

          Some manners please.

          1. Chiding Jesse’s cultural insensitivities only encourages him more, it’s like weed-n-feed for the stealer of souls…

            1. Come on, man. I’m not a ginger.

              Besides dick pics contain zero soul energy. I cannot use the receipt of a dick pic as a medium for theft of a soul. To believe otherwise is just silly superstition.

              1. Try petty soul gems..

                1. I’m assuming some of your are dragons and would require greater soul gems, but I’d need to see dick pics to be sure.

                  1. Petty dick pics?

                  2. “White soul gems” are inherently racist, and all too privileged..

                    1. Wait, white-soul gems or white soul-gems?

                    2. Can’t it be both?

                    3. Well clearly the white souls need to go in the white soul-gems, otherwise there might be SOUL MISCEGENATION

        3. And he also conveniently ignores the fact the people tend to revolt and overthrow tyrannical governments right as things start to get *better*, not when they’re getting worse.

          1. Ignoring implies knowledge. In this instance, I’m not so sure he’s even aware.

      2. Wasn’t the middle East 70 degrees year round back back in the 60’s? A lot of peoe don’t know this but the sahara desert was fertile farmland just 10 years ago.

    2. I’m surprised their destroying of historical monuments hasn’t turned the cultural elites against them.

      1. Western cultural elites, that is.

        1. Destruction of historical monuments is part of ISIS culture, and you must accept multiculturalism or you’re a bigot.

          1. I’m the biggest bigot since bigotry came to Bigotown.

          2. We all just want what’s best for our children.

      2. You watch. It will. I remember WAY back when the tragedy in Afghanistan wasn’t the murder, but the destruction of those big statues.

        1. The Bamiyan Buddhas. It’s just terrible seeing something make it for that long to be destroyed by some assholes who get their hands on explosives and think they’re on a mission from god.

          1. THANK YOU, Jesse. I couldn’t remember the particulars. They were destroyed in March, 2001 (before 9/11!). I remember the emails flying around the intertubes decryingf their destruction. I also recall Jay Leno’s wife, rightly, decrying the REAL war on women taking place at the same time. I think the statues got more press.

            1. It’s tough, I definitely agree that the living, breathing people that were suffering in Afghanistan should be priority, but I understand why irreplaceable pieces of history can capture the imagination more than faceless masses.

            2. Ted Rall was screaming for an invasion and overthrow of the Taliban over their treatment of women and the Bamiyan Buddhas until 9/11. After 9/11, he was against it.

  8. Do you have big Memorial Day weekend plans? You may already be on the road.

    I am flying to the Cesspool on the Potomac (TM Lisa Simpson) for a wedding. Can I get an invite to a cocktail party?

    1. Quick, make a cosmo comment.

      1. Abortions for all?

        1. Miniature American flags for others.

          1. Can’t it be both?

          1. No abortions for anyone!

            1. Free Miniature American flags with purchase of abortion..

    2. Someone’s been bitten by the Twitter famous bug.

      1. ? I’m mocking the cosmotarian nonsense. Also, I actually want to go to a reason cocktail party.

        1. Yes, I know. Check out Rico Suave’s Twitter.

          1. Ah, maybe he deleted them. All I am seeing in his recent feed are tweets at Cathy Young and Glenn Greenwald.

            1. Hmm, maybe it was Welch’s then. Or ENB’s. Anyway, the point is that they love when we talk about their secret cocktail parties in the comments.

              1. They’re not very secret then are they?


                  1. My uncle was hyperbolic. I never touch the stuff myself.

  9. With mostly Republican support, the Senate pushed past an initial hurdle to fast-track trade negotiating authority for the president.

    I believe this is a mistake. But I guess we need to pass it to find out what’s in it.

    /IT’S A TRAP!

  10. The NSA and other intelligence agencies targeted app stores to plant spyware on smartphones, files released by Edward Snowden reveal.

    Other agencies?

    1. The ONSA (Other No Such Agency)

    2. Uuhhhh-huhh…that was uh, *other agencies*. Hhhuuh huh.

  11. I bet you didn’t know that Hitler’s real value was in being the only white person ever to kill white people.

    1. You know who else… uh…. hang on.

      1. Dahmer?

      2. Anders Brevik?

      3. John Wayne Gacy

      4. Ho Chi Mihn?

    2. Well, he is useful as a model against which to compare internet commenters.

    3. You know who else was white and killed white people?

          1. Did you mean Johnny Winter?

            1. Close. I meant Jonathan Winters. That guy kills me.

      1. ooo oooo… I KNOW this one…

      2. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

      3. Polar Bears?

        1. Bearracist!

          1. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing at this.

          2. Oh puhleez. You’re more like a latino. You’re not like a black bear.

        1. Dammit!! Soclose was I.

      4. Cocaine?

      5. Colorado avalanches?

      6. Robert Durst?

      7. Ted Kennedy?

      8. Robert E. Lee?

      9. Skeletor?

      10. Jon Snooow?

    4. the University of Limpopo Turfloop

      Please, don’t forget to flush.

    5. I bet they didn’t even buy Hitler’s record first.

  12. Next up for the homicidal fanatics: keeping everybody guessing about their plans for the ancient archeological treasures of Palmyra.

    There was no history before Islam.

    Islam is the Big Bang after which everything happened.

    So any evidence must be purged.

    1. God, that makes me a little ill. More historic stuff lost forever. And there is a lot of undocumented material in Iraq.

        1. Motherfucker. Thousands of years of civilization, all wasted by some murdering, insane thugs.

          1. Hey, man, “thugs” is racist.

          2. Or, as Ben Stein would say: “what a terrible, atheistic act!”

            1. Thugs is only racist to Indians.

            2. “what a terrible, atheistic act!”

              What a profoundly dishonest statment.

              1. I’m confused. Are Muslims atheists now?

    2. Yeah, Iraq could have been as big as Egypt for historical tourism if it had a more stable government.

        1. Oh, kinda like Disney did in Kissimmee before Disney World opened.

          1. Those poor skunk apes.

            1. The few survivors pushed to the Everglades, contending daily with alien pythons.

    3. It’s just golden calves… all the way down.
      I was told once told that Rommel blasted the nose from the Sphinx, to be immortalized in history, ISIS is much more ambitious with much less couth..

      1. Just for the record, it wasn’t Rommel, and it wasn’t Napoleon. The nose was shown intact before either in drawings. Likely some Muslim guy pissed at some idolatry.

        1. Yeah, if it was Rommel, Hitler would have had him killed even earlier.

        2. Huh, the story I read was Napoleon was testing advanced artillery telemetry techniques and shot it off. Then the 90s SJW’s got wind of it and decided it was racist.

          1. Not true. I believe it’s not entirely known for sure who did it, but there’s some decent evidence that it was a Muslim, pissed that some other Muslims were venerating the statue, quite some time before Napoleon.

        3. I stand corrected..
          “Nothing new under the sun”, I guess.

      2. “Rommel blasted the nose from the Sphinx”

        Extra! Extra! Nazis provide free nose job!

    4. I met a traveller from an antique land
      Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
      Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
      Half sunk, a shatter’d visage lies, whose frown
      And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
      Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
      Which yet survive, stamp’d on these lifeless things,
      The hand that mock’d them and the heart that fed.
      And on the pedestal these words appear:
      “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
      Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
      Nothing beside remains: round the decay
      Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
      The lone and level sands stretch far away.

      1. Sic transit gloria mundi.

      2. There’s a great National Lampoon foto funnies from the 70’s where an attractive lady recites that poem – and when she says “look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!” rips open her blouse to reveal her full naked breasts. Oh, those days.

  13. ESB finds out Suey Park is Christian, gives her a big wet kiss.

    1. As long as ESB doesn’t make her enact the labor to respond…

    2. Jesus Christ, why did I read that….WHY?

      1. Even though Nicole is the worst, she did warn you that it was ESB.

    3. You’re such a monster. I thought I’d quit ESB, but you bring my addiction and shove it right in my face.

      Would you give a recovering alcoholic a bottle of whiskey, Nicole?

      1. Only someone who’s the worst would…. Ooooh!

      2. Hey, I held back from emailing it to you hours ago when I found it!

      3. Aren’t you still on timeout?


        1. Not now that he read my link.

      1. *looks at rich and shrugs*

    4. I was hurrying to catch up to her as she answered me, the breeze lifting her hair back from her cheek as she smiled, looking ahead.

      I’ll bet Episiarch is rushing to his bunk.

      1. Holy mother of God, ESB writes like a Harlequin Romance novelist on the seventh day of a hashish bender.

        And I don’t mean that as a compliment, although it actually sounds kind of awesome.

        Also, I’m trying to visualize this in my head. Was Suey Park looking straight ahead and inexplicably speaking without looking at Breunig, who was trailing far behind her? Is this how progressives communicate now?

        1. And I don’t mean that as a compliment, although it actually sounds kind of awesome.

          Yeah, it’d be Agile Cyborg prose with bodices and rippling muscles, novel-length. So basically, actual Necronomicon

        2. Suey Park is too busy saving the world to stop and chat.

        3. I clicked on Nicole’s link against my better judgement because there seems to be this cliquey in abbreviation, “esb”. I was so horrified by the prose in the first paragraph I nearly yakked.

          1. “It’s… It’s that sprawling New Yorker shit!”

  14. “Mattress Girl” hit with poster campaign calling her “Pretty Little Liar”

    After Columbia University’s “Mattress Girl,” Emma Sulkowicz, continued her rape accusation campaign against exonerated student Paul Nungesser at the school’s graduation ceremonies Tuesday, posters calling Sulkowicz a liar popped up overnight in the school’s vicinity, according to Deputy News Editor Teo Armus of the Columbia Spectator.

    1. I appeared that the one poster about Lena Dunham had just “Liar” on it.

      Good call….

      1. “Big Fat” would have worked.

        1. I’m laughing. I’m laughing. I can’t stop.

      2. The Dunham ones say “big fat liar.”

        1. I blame my 53-year-old eyes

    2. Nicole beat you to it.

      1. By a slutshitstorm.

        1. Yeah, that was a “soothing” fail.

    3. But… is she really pretty?

      1. Pretty vacant.

      2. Definitely.

    4. When are we gonna stop dicking around and call her by her real name? Stupid Girl.


      1. I like “Fuck Me In the Butt” Girl better, since those were her actual words.

    5. This morning I was listening to Daybreak USA. The guest was Dr. Allen Sachs, a political
      science prof at UT-Arlington. He talked about how preposterous it was that his
      students believed women were oppressed in this country. The host, Angie Austin is
      this idiot’s name, thought the students had a point. She cited as evidence “a student
      claimed she was raped at Columbia. They did not expel the accused student, so in protest she carried a mattress on stage with her at graduation.”

      1. Yeah. Real fucken normal behavior to carry a mattress around at grad.

        These people need to see a psychologist or even a psychiatrist.

        There are other issues at work here.

        1. Uh, Rufus, Sulkowicz’ parents ARE psychiatrists.


            1. Oh, they’ve done plenty.

          2. The cobbler’s kids have no shoes…

            1. Larry Flynt’s kids jacked it to National Geographic.

          3. And their daughter is their mental/psychological petri dish…

      2. I didn’t know you liked listening to Daybreak.

  15. Do you have big Memorial Day weekend plans?

    Mostly I’ll be staying at home, to avoid the crowds.

    1. How many bikers will the cops kill this time?

  16. This jobless-claim data. I assume it was….unexpected?

    1. Obama is giving out jobs left and right. You don’t even need any experience. It’s pretty easy to flip burgers…soon to be a $15/hr CAREER.

      1. $30K a year for that sort of work is crazy.

    2. Do we even know what the actual unemployment situation is, anymore? Seems like it’s a total bullshit figure now.

      1. Oh, hush, they know exactly what they’re doing!

  17. National Archives officials were worried about Hillary Clinton’s proprietary approach to official records even before she left the State Department.

    They don’t like that the NSA has the only copy of those official records.

  18. They also went after a popular Chinese mobile browser.

    China to US: Pot, kettle!

  19. Thieves decide to carjack a Brazilian cop’s car. It ends badly for them.

    Contrary to the speculation on youtube, the shots weren’t blanks, and the guy grabbing the car door ended up on a slab in the morgue. Unless the spinal column is severed or a bullet hits the brain stem people don’t immediately drop.

  20. With mostly Republican support, the Senate pushed past an initial hurdle to fast-track trade negotiating authority for the president. The measure faces another Senate vote and tough opposition in the House.

    So, essentially, Congress is in the process of abdicating another one of their responsibilities to the executive then?

    1. What difference, at this point, does it make?

      1. You Know Who Else argued that the constitution being ignored justified ignoring them more?

    2. It gives Reason something they want so who cares.

    3. “So, essentially, Congress is in the process of abdicating another one of their responsibilities to the executive then?”

      No. The Senate can vote against the treaty when it is presented after negotiations. This vote only prevents amendments from being added.

  21. their plans for the ancient archeological treasures of Palmyra

    “‘Ancient’, eh? Then destroy them as un-Islamic!”

  22. People are morons, Gallup Polling edition:

    Americans think 23% of people are gay, actual number between 3 and 4 percent.

    32% of people think animals should have equal rights to human beings.

    I for one look forward to my dog gaining the right to bear arms and think it’s long past time we extended suffrage to tape worms.

    1. So long and thanks for all the fish.

    2. What about bears gaining the right to dog arms?

    3. 3 to 4 percent!?!? Christ, they outnumber libertarians 2 to 1.

      1. Light the Hihn-signal.

        1. To the Hihn-mobile, old chum!

    4. Trust me, Irish, a shit ton of tapeworms already vote. In fact, that would be a good name for the 47%.

  23. Meanwhile in Russia: Russian think tank app catches protestors before they protest

    The Center for Research in Legitimacy and Political Protest claims to have developed software that will search Russian social media posts for signs of plans by political opposition to the government to stage unapproved protests or meetings. Described by an Izvestia report as “a system to prevent mass disorder,” the software searches through social media posts once every five minutes to catch hints of “unauthorized actions” and potentially alert law enforcement to prevent them.

    The software […] is named “Laplace’s demon” after the theoretical all-seeing intellect that could calculate the future of the universe based on the position and state of all matter. According to the Center’s director, Yevgeny Venediktov, the software specifically monitors “politically oriented groups of social protest” at a national level, as well as local discussion platforms for specific geographic areas. “Particular attention will be paid to the number of likes and reposts in extremist groups.” Groups and user pages associated with “extremists” are tagged by volunteers, aggregated into a central database, and analyzed and filtered by sociologists and political scientists.

    How do you say SPLC in Russian?

    1. Next up:

      Protestors create a sh1t ton of fake accounts, fool the software that the protests will be in Vladivostok, and end up rioting in St. Petersburg instead.

      1. That, or isn’t there a new platform used in HK in which protesters form private networks and give each other private bandwidth, or something?

        1. That would be terrific. Ad hoc, private network outside of the government-telecom surveillance complex.

          Honestly, it would also be fun to watch the Kremlin get swatted and Putin get shot because he failed to obey orders or made furtive movements or something.

        2. You are probably thinking of FireChat, which is a step forward (maybe), but not quite what you’re describing.

          1. How many people have been banned from FireChat?

            1. Not sure, but I don’t see your point, anyway.

          1. I’m having trouble finding the Hong Kong connection here. So far all I’m seeing are a bunch of churnalist writeups that say “this is based on mesh networking; some protesters in Hong Kong used an app based on mesh networking, FireChat, too”.

  24. A line thrown around here is that lightning is more likely to kill you than terror. CW Cooke, direclty mentioning Bailey and Reason, discusses that while this is true it is beside the point and unhelpful.


    1. And he does a poor job of it.

      His point is that lightning strikes have no deeper meaning, while terrorists are trying to attack our core values or shared culture. But two things

      1) The justification for things like the Patriot Act and foreign intervention is that terrorism is an existential threat that simply cannot be tolerated. BUT…
      2) With the exception of large-scale attacks that could take down a culturally significant landmark or kills lots of people, terrorism simply is not capable of doing significant damage to our values or culture unless we help it by betraying those values ourselves.

      Pointing out that 1) is false (which is what the statistical arguments try to do) IS fighting terrorism, because the only way terrorism wins is if we get terrified and hurt ourselves.

      1. You’ve missed the point I think. When terrorists kill people who draw Mohammed we of course must keep drawing him, but if attacks keep happening it will chill our speech and that is far more injurious than X number of deaths.

  25. Britain’s counterpart, GCHQ, said all its work “is carried out in accordance with a strict legal and policy framework.” The U.S. National Security Agency … did not respond

    as it waited for the PATRIOT Act’s strict legal and policy framework to be renewed.

  26. The greatest book cover of all time.

    The book also has the greatest endorsement I have ever seen.

    “”Marijuana Girl will get you through times of no money better’n money will get you through times of no Marijuana Girl.” — Knees Calhoon”

    Well, Knees Calhoon has never steered me wrong.

  27. Duggar Drama! ’19 Kids and Counting’ Son Named in Underage Sex Probe

    The charge being pursued while Josh was a minor was sexual assault in the fourth degree, multiple sources who have seen the police report and are familiar with the case told In Touch. According to the report, Josh was brought into the Arkansas State Police by his father, Jim Bob, who said he caught him leaving a young girl’s bedroom and “learned something inappropriate happened,” one source said.

    That sucks, and it’s good that Jim Bob decided to handle things directly, but …

    A bizarre turn of events prevented police and prosecutors from finishing their investigation and possibly prosecuting. The state trooper who originally took the report about Josh shortly before 2005 never followed up. That state trooper was later convicted on child pornography charges and is serving a 56-year prison sentence.

    What the fuckety fuck is going on in this town? Anyway, statute of limitations have passed so the investigation can’t be resumed.

    Josh and his wife, Anna, have three children and live in Washington, D.C., where he is a lobbyist for the Family Research Council.

    I’m glad FRC is working hard to keep families safe.

    1. Eh, he was 14, the other girl was probably 12 or something and…

      Duggar sibling sexually assaulted sisters, another female, according to police report


      1. The middle bit about the police officer just takes the story to a different level though.

        1. So basically, the trooper probably took extensive notes and then kept them for baiting material.

          1. That’s more or less what I got from it. I wonder if kiddie crimes were his normal beat. that’s a horrifying thought.

            *carefully pulls hands out of pants and cleans lotion off*

    2. Well, at least they aren’t filthy homos!


      1. Do I have to actively not comment and ignore the link, or can I continue to do so passively?

        1. I would repost it again in the AM links tomorrow and take all the cred.

          1. Sigh, Los Redundant.

      2. Don’t be a cock, Los Doyers. Did you read the article, are you not upset by this family that holds itself up as some kind of moral paragon being full of child-touchery?

        1. I guess my options are now foreclosed. Please, jesse, can you tell us more about this?

          1. What’s more to tell? This guy was reported by his own father for touching his younger sibling(s) and now works for one of the nations preeminent “Family” (read socon/anti-gay) outfits to protect the sanctity of families.

            1. Ewww, I don’t like this story. Can you tell me another?

            2. I don’t find him inconsistant; he likes girls and hate gays.

              1. And one of the big blood libels promulgated against gays by socons is that we’re child molesters. They’re normally big on speaking out against child molestation, both real and imagined, but when yet they employ one to lobby against the homos.

                I’m thinking of a four-syllable wordy that rhymes with douchery.

        2. I just want to know which daughters are hot and on the market. The market by Mexican standards.

            1. Odd. They all have very similar hair styles. You’d think with that many kids that they’d mix that up a bit.

              1. With that many kids you’ve gotta go Fordism. You can’t just hand-craft everything.

                1. I have four kids, but I can’t imagine having anything remotely like that quantity. Do you have to organize them into departments, with older kids managing the younger kids?

                  1. with older kids managing the younger kids?

                    Why is that so unusual?

                    I learned to read because my mom or sister would read to me- then it was “time to cook dinner” or “you’ve got ballet practice” at the climax of the story. I learned math because I knew my sister(3 yrs older- to the day- we shared a birthday) was cheating at Monopoly, but I just couldn’t prove it…

                    By the time I hit Kindergarten, I was reading and doing math at a 4th grade level- which is where my sister (in 2nd grade) was at the time.

                    How much do you think she hated having her 3 yrs younger brother in her Algebra class- when I was 10? lol

              2. Those may be DIY jobs and mom (or whoever gives them) only knows how to do one cut. Even at assembly line mall hair cutters that adds up quick for all those kids.

                1. Yeah, the expense of raising that many kids is staggering.

            2. I hope the spawner did her P90X – Kegels edition.

          1. “She looked 12 to me”

        3. To be fair, we already knew they were a bunch of child abusers.

          1. Sounds like only one of the older kids was.

            1. I assume Nicole is referring to two parents raising 19 kids.

              I think the response the parents had was underwhelming, but it’s a nightmare scenario for any parent:

              The report states that the kids’ father, Jim Bob Duggar, was first alerted by one of the alleged victims in March 2002. She allegedly told Jim Bob that Josh had been touching her genitals and breasts while she was sleeping, according to the report.

              The report states that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar then learned that multiple incidents like this had occurred. Jim Bob told police, when he was interviewed in 2006, that the Duggars sent their son to a Christian program at the advice of their church elders. However, later in the report Michelle Duggar states where their son was sent was “not really a training center,” rather he was sent to stay with an acquaintance and do manual labor.

              1. Having a very large family now equates to abuse? And yes the response was underwhelming but what was he suppose to do, call the cops on his 14 year old son? Seriously, would you do that to your own child?

                1. He did call the cops on his son, but then didn’t follow through at all. Like I said, it’s a nightmare scenario for a parent, but if there’s a repeated pattern of behavior the son needs to be dealt with for the sake of the at least 5 girls that he’s fondled.

                  Personally, I don’t think having a large family is abuse, but I think expanding your family to maintain a TLC reality series might be creeping the fuck up on making you awful parents.

                  1. “He did call the cops on his son”

                    Reread the articles, thought a family friend called the police, but it was his father who initially did, the police did nothing and he sent his son away to stay at a family friends while he did some manual labor.
                    Then it was brought to the police’s attention again years later when a family friend called a child abuse hotline after reading personal journals/ letters or something of the incident in a book she borrowed from them. The police re interviewed the family and decided nothing was going on. The most abusive thing the father did was call the police to the begin with. Maybe there was no reason to follow through as it was something stupid the kid did when he was 14 and was set straight by being sent away. There appears to be no evidence of any abuse after the incident occurred. I’m not fond of their anti-gay preaching, but this is smelling like a cheap way to drag the family’s name through the mud.

                    1. According to the inTouch article the police went away because it was past the statute of limitations for the incidences that were known to have occurred.

                      I don’t necessarily have an issue with the family’s response to it, I think it was weak, but I don’t know that I would do better.

                      But there is something vaguely galling about Josh Duggar using his cachet as a TV ‘star’ and as a known quantity as coming from a wholesome ‘real America’ family to make his career with a group that is all about how other people should manage their families.

                    2. But there is something vaguely galling about Hillary Clinton using her cachet as a TV ‘star’ and FirstLady and as a known quantity as coming from a wholesome ‘real America’ family to make her career with a political party that is all about how other people should manage their families.

                2. I think the correct response would have been to send him away, like to relatives with an all-boy family, or to boarding school. But then they might not have had money for either of those options because of all the other kids they chose to have.

        4. I think it was the state trooper all the long, as evidenced by his latex “Josh” mask, and smoke machine later found at the seen of another crime. He would’ve gotten away with it if not for those meddling kids…

    4. I have an alibi.

      1. Your right hand can’t be your alibi.

        1. HAH! Fooled you! I’m left handed!

          1. Fool! You fell right into his trap….
            Your house of cards will come tumbling down like dominoes.. Checkmate!

            1. Jesse gets confused by mixed metaphors. Be gentle.

          2. Well then, I’m sure you can’t be too bad of a guy. Go on your merry way.

            1. I’m sure you can’t be too bad of a guy.

              You know better than that.

              1. Shut up and get out of here in your windowless van before somebody notices I’m letting you go.

                1. I’m almost done… give me 15 more seconds…. ahhhhhhhhh, that’s it.

                  Don’t tell your mommy, it’s our special little secret.

                  1. I find that unfunny and disturbing.

    5. So out of 19 kids only one has problems. The one with problems was reported to police by his father, and then when the police did nothing, his parent removed him from their home and sent him to a farm to do manual labor. Don’t see how any of this reflects badly on the Duggars.

      1. Don’t see how any of this reflects badly on the Duggars.

        That sucks, and it’s good that Jim Bob decided to handle things directly

        I don’t either. Perhaps you didn’t read my comment before responding to it. I don’t think their response was perfect, but that’s also because I’m not in the thick of it. It reflects poorly on Josh Duggar, and I’ll be curious to see how the FRC’s relationship with him changes as this unfolds.

        1. It reflects poorly on Josh Duggar, and I’ll be curious to see how the FRC’s relationship with him changes as this unfolds.

          Hillary went on the Today Show and alleged a “vast right-wing conspiracy” was responsible for the allegations against her husband concerning Monica Lewinsky.

          I wonder if the relationship between Hillary and NBC has changed?

          Yup- They paid Chelsea $600k…

    6. It’s just perfect irony.

  28. Blast from the past: The time Ezra Klein idiotically argued affirmative consent laws are great because we need men to be eternally terrified of sex.

    “If the Yes Means Yes law is taken even remotely seriously it will settle like a cold winter on college campuses, throwing everyday sexual practice into doubt and creating a haze of fear and confusion over what counts as consent. This is the case against it, and also the case for it. Because for one in five women to report an attempted or completed sexual assault means that everyday sexual practices on college campuses need to be upended, and men need to feel a cold spike of fear when they begin a sexual encounter.”

    Ezra Klein sounds like an absolute blast in bed. His wife must be a very fulfilled woman.

    1. “On the dotted line…right there oh yeah….IN TRIPLICATE IN TRIPLICATE IN TRIPLICAAAAATTTEEEEE”

    2. This is the case against it, and also the case for it.

      The cognitive dissonance! It burns!

    3. Babcock signs in Toronto for 8 yrs/$50 million.

      INSANE. Hey, good for him. He took the money and ran. /cue Steve Miller Band.

      Great coach but McLellan was a better bargain I argue.

      1. And the Leaves still won’t win the Cup.

      2. I was hoping the Blues were getting rid of eternal bridesmaid Ken Hitchcock and got excited

    4. Because for one in five women to report an attempted or completed sexual assault means that everyday sexual practices on college campuses need to be upended, and men need to feel a cold spike of fear when they begin a sexual encounter US college campuses are more dangerous than South Africa.

      Anybody who thinks this is an idiot.

  29. Should This High Schooler Have Been Suspended for Her ‘Inappropriate’ Dress?

    The most nauseating quote:

    Principal Tyler Telford told Yahoo Parenting he couldn’t discuss the specifics of the suspension due to the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, but said that “the best thing a parent can do for their child is support a teacher and the school.”

    1. Bizarre. Especially considering the uniforms that the girls volleyball team wears.

    2. “Should This High Schooler Have Been Suspended for Her ‘Inappropriate’ Dress?”

      With those shoes? Fuck yeah!

    3. “the best thing a parent can do for their child is support a teacher and the school.”

      ….if they want to completely stop giving a shit?

  30. Spot the Not: mobster nicknames

    1. Hootie

    2. Junior Lollipops

    3. Vinny Carwash

    4. Peaches

    5. Mush

    6. Meatball

    1. 1

  31. “These records reveal that before Hillary Clinton exited the State Department, there were serious concerns about her violating federal records laws. Yet, despite knowledge by the State Department and the Archives, nothing was done about it,” said Dan Epstein of Cause of Action, which also demanded and received the Clinton-related messages the National Archives released this week under FOIA. “What’s clear is that without pressure from transparency organizations like mine, the public would never get the full story of what happened behind the scenes regarding Mrs. Clinton’s emails.”


  32. Man strips naked at Charlotte airport

    The man was not intoxicated but apparently having what was described as a medical issue. Police took him to a hospital for evaluation. He will not face any charges.

    OK, which of you clowns was this? SugarFree?

    1. BRO!

      TRIGGER WARNING: Unattractive man strips naked at Charlotte airport.

      1. Dadbods are in! The internet told me so.

        1. But only chicks like them, not homos.

          1. Whoa, way to speak for everyone. That man is unattractive by even dad-bod standards. “Rugby build” is totally a thing for many, myself included, homos.

            1. You say that like I clicked through, jesse.

              1. DO IT!

                It’s horrrrrrrrible. Even with the censor bar.

          2. There’s a lot of dad bod acceptance, if not outright admiration, in the bear community, Nikki.

      2. Sorry, jesse!

      3. It’s our hetero-privilege. We assume ‘unattractive’ goes without saying where men are mentioned 🙁

  33. Doubling down on a wrong decision – is that stupidity or arrogance?

    Tom Cotton: We shouldn’t be ashamed of the Iraq War

    1. Removing Sadaam ended the Iraq War that had been simmering since 1991. The situation was untenable. Invading was the right thing to do. Everything after Sadaam’s capture if not removal was totally stupid. Bush was right to announce ‘Mission Accomplished’. He should have followed through and left Iraq.

      1. Can’t agree. It sure would be nice right now if Iraq had a ‘stable’ government with a strong leader to counter-balance Iran. Saddam may have been evil, but have we really made things better? Saddam in a cage with the no-fly zone was a pretty good arrangement – in hindsight.

        1. Sadaam was breaking the cage and there is no reason to believe he was acting to contain Iran.

          Sadaam was throwing money at sunni jihadist organizations and I am pretty sure he’d throw a lot more of that into Syria.

    2. I don’t think Cotton is doubling down…

      I think the point he is making is very valid; that based on what the national security apparatus “knew” at the time, the decision to invade Iraq was the right one.

      He is not arguing that knowing what we know now that it was still the right decision – which is the point he is making with his statement about Pearl Harbor – just that with the knowledge the apparatus had at the time it was a right decision, and citing the broad support the invasion had between the members of the parties and the various factions within the government.

      With that having been said, I think he is wrong… The war failed to achieve its objectives; shoring up the security of the Saudi state while maintaining a viable Iraqi state as a buffer against Iran and as a less inflammatory location for U.S. bases in the middle east.

      The failure might not have been a tactical one, but it was a strategic one. And the fact was the information needed to predict the failure was also known to the apparatus that made the decision to invade. Anyone who isn’t examining the systematic failure that led to such a poor decision seeming to be the right one and acknowledging the failure is pretty much guaranteed to make a similar mistake if they ever are faced with a similar situation.

  34. Spot the Not: translated names of real places

    1. Thank God

    2. Great Thirst

    3. You fish on your side, I fish on my side, no one fishes in the middle

    4. Milky Way Milky Way

    5. Head-bashed-in

    6. What?

    1. I sympathize with #6.

    2. #3 is a lake in Massachusetts.

      I’ll go with 5.

    3. 4 – sounds like a joke about the real town of Hershey, PA.

      I read about 5 in Dave Barry.

      I was going to chide you for neglecting the Grand Tetons, but apparently there’s some debate about whether the name actually has the cool origins attributed to it.


  35. I’m so mad at Nicole for posting that ESB article. What am I even supposed to say to this?

    “Tracing Park’s life online, I occasionally got the feeling I was looking at a picture in a high school yearbook taken before its subject could pose. Growing up has never been easy. Nor has it ever been something that definitively stops. I am reminded of Yeats’s meditation on aging, “Among School Children”: “O chestnut-tree, great-rooted blossomer, / Are you the leaf, the blossom or the bole? / O body swayed to music, O brightening glance, / How can we know the dancer from the dance?” A person’s life is, of course, comprised of all its moments, and a person comprised of all his or her experiences taken together. But the Internet, with its instantaneous responses and global reach, tends to make the passage of phases harder than ever. Each of us, it increasingly seems, is one selfie-stick-snap or ill-considered tweet away from being permanently crystallized in a single moment of our immaturity, like insects preserved in amber.”

    What is “the most awkward shoehorning of William Butler Yeats into a sentence,” Alex?

    1. I say we spend the rest of the week trying to top that.

      1. I’m just going to work William Butler Yeats poems into random situations from now on.

        Friend: “Hey, Irish, want to go see Mad Max this weekend?”

        Irish: “The fact that Mel Gibson is too old for that role now reminds me of William Butler Yeats’ famous meditation on ageing:

        That is no country for old men. The young
        In one another’s arms, birds in the trees,
        ?Those dying generations?at their song,
        The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
        Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
        Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
        Caught in that sensual music all neglect
        Monuments of unageing intellect.”

        1. Friend: Okay, if you’re going to talk like that, you’re uninvited.

          Irish: I am so depressed and lonely now, which, coincidentally, reminds me of William Butler Yeats’ famous formulation of sadness:

          There was a man whom Sorrow named his friend,
          And he, of his high comrade Sorrow dreaming,
          Went walking with slow steps along the gleaming
          And humming sands, where windy surges wend:
          And he called loudly to the stars to bend
          From their pale thrones and comfort him, but they
          Among themselves laugh on and sing alway:
          And then the man whom Sorrow named his friend
          Cried out, Dim sea, hear my most piteous story!

          1. I would participate in this farce, but it reminds me of a gruesome warning Yeats provided:

            Things fall apart the centre cannot hold,
            mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

            1. That reminds me of this poem by Yeats:

              I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
              And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
              Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee;
              And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

              Which proved to be more popular than the sequel:

              Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!
              Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!
              Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!

              1. True* story – this is the earliest recorded poem by Yeats:

                There once was a man from Madras
                Who’s balls were constructed of brass
                When jangled together
                They played stormy weather
                And lightening shot out of his ass!

                *or not

              2. I believe that sequel is actually Tolkein, Eddie. But if you believe it’s Yeats, that’s fine.

                1. We earthlings call that humor.

                  1. But I stand corrected … that dirty limerick was by Tolkien.

                2. I… I think he was joking?

    2. “I am reminded of________” = formula to shoehorn in anything anywhere anytime.

      1. I am reminded of the fact that Boris Johnson is a politician.
        “It just doesn’t make sense to have such a large number of minicab drivers in the capital.” And who would know better than a politician the proper number of cabs for a city? Cab drivers or cab riders? Puh-leaze.

        1. What a cunt.

    3. Thanks, Irish. I think I have cancer now.

      Each of us, it increasingly seems, is one selfie-stick-snap or ill-considered tweet away from being permanently crystallized in a single moment of our immaturity, like insects preserved in amber.

      I hope her critics beat her over the head for that next time she joins a Twitter mob. Though it’s not as if it will work.

      1. She says “each of us.” Her Twitter mob participation is reserved solely for “one of them.” She’s merely asking that Party members not be subjected to the kind of show trial that kulaks and wreckers deserve.

    4. Anybody who says or write ” I am reminded of Yeats’s meditation on aging..” deserves to have a glass of cold water poured on their head.

      That’s the most pretentious tosh I’ve read since I heard a wine connoisseur say he wanted a merlot that was poignant but not overbearing.

      1. “Ah, yes, old chap, can you give me your very best Thunderbird, with just the right amount of sang-froid. Thank you, my man, no, I don’t need it poured, I’ll drink it right out of the bottle.”

        1. ..But please, moisten the paper bag..

      2. “That wine was shallow *and* pedantic.

      3. deserves to have a glass of cold water poured on their headshoved up their ass.

        Sorry, Derp. I was reading that, and I really thought that was the direction you were going.

    5. What is “the most awkward shoehorning of William Butler Yeats into a sentence,” Alex?

      That was my favorite part, too!!!

      1. “I am reminded of something I just read for the first time last evening and seems like something you wouldn’t have heard of but the right people will nod their heads knowingly.”

    6. That paragraph has a Yeats infection!

      1. *Draws photo of Swiss Servator’s gaze on a paper, then bends the paper in to narrow Swiss Servator’s gaze*

  36. Free Poutine, June 13 from 12-4 at Smoke’s Poutinerie 1552 N. Cahuenga Blvd.

    Free Minds, Free Poutine!

    /shameless plug

    1. !!!

      POUTINE! in Los Angeles!!!


    2. I’ll take two! With extra ranch dressing.

      1. Remind me to remind Pl?ya to beat you violently.

        1. There are some things we will not put on our poutine. Ranch dressing has got to be near the top.

          Except for when we have our boneless buffalo wing promotion…

    3. Poutine is food of the gods.

      1. Just found out my local Publix has cheese curds. Yesssssss.

    4. With Chicago poised to become the home of the Stanley Cup and L.A. poised to become the home of the world’s greatest poutine, what will Canada be able to hang it’s hat on now?

      1. Chicago who? Fuck you, we’re coming for you, bitches.

        1. How do you skate on a swamp, ProL?

          1. It’s actually just alligators packed tightly together.

            1. They have it coming..

          2. You freeze it with liquid nitrogen.

        2. You gave up five goals to the Rangers.

          The Rangers do not have the following players:


          Therefore you will give up a million goals against the Blackhawks.

          It’s like math and stuff.

          1. We’ll see. They still have to finish off the Rangers, who are hard to kill.

            1. And we have to finish off the Ducks. I’m confident, though I’ll readily concede that Andersen was damn near impossible to score on last game. But so was Crawford.

          2. And yet despite that the Rangers managed to finish 3rd in the league in goals for this season, while the Blackhawks finished 16th, 23 goals behind them.

            Maybe they’ve just gotta learn the new math though 😉

      2. what will Canada be able to hang it’s hat on now?

        Assisted Suicide?

        1. Honestly? Canada will hang its hat on all of the Canadians, with some Russian help, that will be hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup, no matter which team wins.

  37. Stop Online Ammunition Sales Act of 2015 introduced last week. Hopefully it goes nowhere.

    1. It is going nowhere.

    2. Every single cosponsor is from the Donkey party.

      “If you like your 2nd amendment freedoms, you can keep your 2nd amendment freedoms!”

    3. Stop Online Ammunition Sales Fund the NRA-ILA to crush you political aspirations for your futile, self destructive gestures Act of 2015… for the children?

  38. I saw SF Debris’ review of The Battle, interesting. used to think that the Ferengi’s misogyny and preventing women from wearing clothes was Roddenberry’s inane tirade against the defeat of the Equal Rights Amendment. But since he wanted the Ferengi to have huge penises and 25 sexual positions it seems more likely that he wanted Ferengi females to be naked since he could imagine them fucking all the time.

    Also evil capitalist Ferengi with huge penises battling the perfect humans of the Federation where everyone is an atheist who agrees on everything (and no, “everyone” is not exaggeration), have gotten over death yet put Troi on the bridge and speechify all the time about their perfection is another thing that J.J. Abrams ruined.

    1. Oh Damn, I forgot the Enterprise was supposed to have huge tanks of water with whales in them.

    2. One secret to understanding Roddenberry is understanding that he was a very horny man.

      1. Explains Majel Barrett and his free love future.

        1. I believe he had relations with Lt. Uhura, too.

      2. Another secret is that he was one of those Great Society Liberals who tried to pretend ‘Nam wasn’t JFK and LBJ’s doing who got disenchanted with Nixon and Reagan so he turned from stuff like the Omega Glory to creating the Ferengi.

  39. “I have no idea if there was such a discussion,” Garner told POLITICO. “No one ever had it with me, and even if they had…..”

    A spokesman for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign said it knew nothing about storing her records at the library.

    “We are not aware of any plan along the lines of what appears to have been discussed….”

    Such strong denials…. clearly there’s no story here

  40. Guess the yes – who said this:

    “…the so-called “experts” have multiplied, who have taken the role of parents even in the most intimate aspects of education. On emotional life, on personality and on development, on rights and duties the “experts” know everything: objectives, motivations, techniques. And parents must only listen, learn and adapt themselves. Deprived of their role, they often become excessively apprehensive and possessive in dealing with their children, to the point of not correcting them ever: “You can’t correct your child.” They tend increasingly to entrust them to the “experts,” even for the most delicate and personal aspects of their life, putting themselves in the corner, and thus parents today run the risk of excluding themselves from the life of their children.”

  41. Guess who said this:

    “walking in a dream? in superb unconsciousness, believing that what had been must be, and that as long as they did nothing absolutely wrong, and they did not displease their immediate superiors, they had fulfilled all the duties of their station”. These officials worshipped political economy “as a sort of “fetish”… [they] seemed to have forgotten utterly that human life was short, and that man did not subsist without food beyond a few days”. Three-quarters of a million people had died because officials had chosen “to run the risk of losing the lives than to run the risk of wasting the money”.

    1. OK, I cheated, it’s from a 19th century parliamentary debate on an Indian famine.

      1. His experiences being bullied at Boarding school left him suspicious of democracy.

  42. Guess who said this:
    “Dat’n-doo-dow dow-dat’n-doo-dow
    Dat’n-doo-dow dow-dow-dow
    Dat’n-doo-dow dow-dat’n-doo-dow
    Dat’n-doo-dow dow”

    1. You know when you almost can recognize a song, it’s almost materializing in your head but it’s not quite there?

    2. That’s Dietrich Buxtehude’s Prelude and Fugue in D minor – come one, give us a challenging question!

  43. The NSA and other intelligence agencies targeted app stores to plant spyware on smartphones, files released by Edward Snowden reveal.

    What nonsense. Phones already have back-door access by NSA and any other FedGov as well as State/Local Gov (cooperative “justice” entities), why would they need a new layer via “app stores”?

    Also, free (as in, no obstacles/hurdles to it) monitoring of your phone activity exists regardless of your use of an “app store” or downloading and installing apps from any such “app store.”

    Snowden’s B-movie actor pronouncements sure do fool a lot of ignorami.

  44. Republican’s are gunning for another war…Spending taxpayer dollars on trails about how President Obama’s strategy in Iraq is failing against ISS…However the war of the past has left 67,495 in 2011 to 62,619 in 2012 Veterans Homeless…These are men and women who fought in these egregious wars for congress Republicans…Men and women left with PTSD or without an arm or leg…Homeless and pennyless and ever still Republicans in Congress with their House Speaker push for yet another war…. Meanwhile our First Lady is pushing bigger and better Ideas: First Lady Michelle Obama Highlights New Orleans’ and Other Cities’ Progress in Ending Veteran Homelessness | April 20, 2015…Hurray for the Obama’s! So not only are congress controlled Republicans’ not creating jobs or raising the minimim wage to a livable wage…Or not all trying to pay back the Social Security Republicans have spent on war or misused…No Republicans are once again heading this country right back into war debt while never caring or thinking of our past and future veterans! Begs to question why anyone would vote Republicans into control of the USA house and Senate???

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