John Bolton Announces That He Isn't Running for President

Neither, for the record, am I.

John Bolton, the former U.N. ambassador with dreams of a more muscular and mustachioed America, announced today that he will not run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2016. Fortunately, voters craving a nuanced, measured debate about U.S. foreign policy will still be able to enjoy the subtle arguments of Mike Huckabee: