Friday Funnies: Speaker's Fee

Chip Bok | 4.24.2015 7:00 AM

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Fist of Etiquette 10 years ago

So in 2017, Bill is vice president and Rachel Dratch is president?
1. toliyadikoncama 10 years ago
  
  I make up to $90 an hour working from my home. My story is that I quit working at Walmart to work online and with a little effort I easily bring in around $40h to $86h? Someone was good to me by sharing this link with me, so now i am hoping i could help someone else out there by sharing this link… Try it, you won’t regret it!……
  http://www.work-cash.com
  1. DarrenM 10 years ago
    
    Chicken feed! Hillary makes more than that picking her nose.
  2. plusafdotcom 10 years ago
    
    http://www.plusaf.com/linkedin…..e-head.jpg
UnCivilServant 10 years ago

So nightmare-made-flesh is doing the warmup act for the SotU?
UnCivilServant 10 years ago

My “Reply to this” links aren’t working. So either I have to leave until reason gets their act together, or I’m stuck P Brooksing my way through the comments today.
1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
  
  I found the problem. reason hosted crap on cloudfront. I don’t care if it’s an Amazon company and I do plenty of business with them. Everything essential to using reason.com should be coming from a site named reason.com, not from cloudfront.net.
  1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
    
    Shorter whiny me: CNAMEs are your friend.
  2. Rich 10 years ago
    
    This.
  3. Ted S. 10 years ago
    
    I’m sick and tired of hitting the Escape key to stop the page from loading because the essential bits have loaded, only for the site to start reloading from where it left off, seven or eight times while I’m going through a comments section. It’s almost always one or another bit of Google shit, such as apis.google.com or accounts.google.com or oauth.googleusercontent.com.
Notorious G.K.C. 10 years ago

Why is the Mad Hatter giving the State of the Union address?
1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
  
  The Dor Mouse was asleep.
  1. Notorious G.K.C. 10 years ago
    
    At least if the Dormouse gave the SOTU, I’d remember what he said.
    1. WTF 10 years ago
      
      Feed your head?
      1. Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
        
        *Hands one pill to WTF*
        
        WTF 10 years ago
        
        *Pops pill, turns into Agile Cyborg*
        
        Sevo 10 years ago
        
        Sorry, ONE pill ain’t gonna do that.
2. Notorious G.K.C. 10 years ago
  
  http://cdn.gunaxin.com/wp-cont…..tter-1.jpg
Slammer 10 years ago

Who is the mystery person behind the word balloon?
1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
  
  From the attire, it looks like one of the NazGul, Breyer I think.
2. Fist of Etiquette 10 years ago
  
  Monica. The bigger question is why Bubba is wearing Spock ears.
  1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
    
    Shrillary bit off the originals, and that was all he could lay his hands on in time.
3. Rich 10 years ago
  
  Chelsea.
  
  Recently she stated that the Clinton Foundation would be “even *more* transparent”. She’s obviously going to continue the dyNASTY.
  1. Chumby 10 years ago
    
    The Clinton Foundation recently released a statement that they won’t be releasing e-mails. So there. They do release information.
invisible furry hand 10 years ago

I don’t want to see her feejayjay
1. straffinrun 10 years ago
  
  Better to be seen than heard.
2. Rich 10 years ago
  
  *slap!*
  1. invisible furry hand 10 years ago
    
    *slap!*
    1. Almanian! 10 years ago
      
      *SLAP!*
      1. WTF 10 years ago
        
        *SLAP!*
    2. Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
      
      *slap?*
    3. Slammer 10 years ago
      
      *Suh-LAP*
      1. Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
        
        Ah, the Southern Open Palm Slap Technique!
        
        *bows toward Master Slammer*
        
        Charles Easterly 10 years ago
        
        Mint Julep.
Steve G 10 years ago

Is her fee variable & based on which accent she uses?
1. Almanian! 10 years ago
  
  Wait – that’s Madonna?
  1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
    
    No, it’s Madonna: the Bobblehead!
    1. Almanian! 10 years ago
      
      Mad Donna.
      
      Mad Max’s wife.
UnCivilServant 10 years ago

I’ve got it!

This is actually a scene from the basement in Chappaqua. The poor bastard to Bill’s left is a secret service agent wrangled to play the part of a Nazgul because Shillary went off the deep end after her dirty laundry came to light.
gaijin 10 years ago

So Bill is talking about someone he met on Jeffrey Epstein’s island?
straffinrun 10 years ago

She should have her pants off and be standing on her head.
1. Almanian! 10 years ago
  
  Oh, dear God, no – please no. Not that. No.
Idle Hands 10 years ago

Why are people giving a ferbie such a large audience?
Rich 10 years ago

Which accent will POTUS Hillary use?

I mean, besides this one.
1. Rich 10 years ago
  
  Oh, I see Steve G already noted this.
  
  *** gets coffee ***
Bo Cara Esq. 10 years ago

So yesterday’s Quinnipac and today’s Fox polls both have the current GOP frontrunner as…Rubio? I thought this guy was running for Veep at best…

http://www.realclearpolitics.c…..est_polls/
1. Idle Hands 10 years ago
  
  Rubio is literally the poor mans jeb bush.
2. Palin's Buttplug 10 years ago
  
  Until the field is narrowed to Jeb vs the alternative a new frontrunner will emerge every month or so.
  
  Remember 2012? Bachman, Flava Cain, and other nutjobs alternated top spot in the polls until the primaries began.
  
  oh, and Good Morning Peanuts!
3. Illocust 10 years ago
  
  This early all it means is that he’s been talked about. It won’t be until the debates that we start to see real frontrunners.
4. DarrenM 10 years ago
  
  That’s my take. Rubio is running for VP.
Lord Humungus 10 years ago

CHIPPPPPPPPPP
1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
  
  Shouldn’t the vowel sound be drawn out? You do you hold a sharp consonant like that without stuttering?
  1. Lord Humungus 10 years ago
    
    Don’t other me, you non-stuttering shitlord
    1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model) 10 years ago
      
      How do you read comments with spit all over the screen?
      1. PM 10 years ago
        
        The same way Shreeek does?
Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago

Whew, back to Payne and Bok….we had that horrible three weeks where we had halfway decent art and a bit of a point. Good to see things are back to normal.

NEEDZ MOAR LABELZ!

oh and

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

h/t sage
1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
  
  Who is sage, and why are they getting hit?
  1. Almanian! 10 years ago
    
    I miss sage.
    
    I also miss Suki. Sometimes. But she’s dead.
    
    I really miss The Gobbler. He loved him some Suderman. “Way to go, kiddo!”
    
    I do not miss Chad. Nor Mary Stack.
    1. l0b0t 10 years ago
      
      I miss J sub D. 🙁
Almanian! 10 years ago

OK, free from the union for a moment, back to what’s really important:

I don’t get it. Why is Weight Watchers Tip O’Neill ghost sitting behind zombie Faith Ford and talking to a word balloon?

Awful. Therefore, perfect.

Happy fucking Friday, Reasonoids. I hope your co-workers slowly poison you with lead in your coffee, resulting, ultimately, in your death.
1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
  
  I don’t drink coffee, and my co-workers want to keep me around because there’s no one else to do my job.
  1. Almanian! 10 years ago
    
    “I lied”
    
    *drops UnCiv off cliff*
    1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
      
      Darnit, now I have to walk back to my car from down here.
    2. Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
      
      *polite applause*
      1. straffinrun 10 years ago
        
        One armed applause?
        
        Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
        
        +1 I didn’t kill my wife!
2. This Machine 10 years ago
  
  Lead? Ha! I’ve been slowly building up a resistance to Lead for years!
  1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
    
    Is that what you’re held together with?
    1. This Machine 10 years ago
      
      Just in the pieces that were made in Mexico. The rest is either Dolomite or Titanium.
3. Charles Easterly 10 years ago
  
  “I hope your co-workers slowly poison you with lead in your coffee, resulting, ultimately, in your death.”
  
  This is not as surreal as I’d like. There are a couple of coworkers who harbor great ill will against me, and as these individuals are close to the worst sorts of people humanity can offer I must take precautions.
Charles Easterly 10 years ago

William H. Paul, “son of Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul has been cited for driving under the influence of alcohol in Kentucky.

Police in Lexington say William H. Paul was driving a 2006 Honda Ridgeline at 11:24 a.m. on Sunday when he crashed into the back of an unoccupied parked car.”
http://www.seattlepi.com/news/…..217518.php

Get ready for the new round of smears.
1. Almanian! 10 years ago
  
  FAYK SKANDULL!!!
  
  Oh, wait. This is Paul.
  
  TOTALLY-RELEVANT SKANDULL!!!!
2. straffinrun 10 years ago
  
  11:24 am on a Sunday? Maybe some communion wine?
3. Illocust 10 years ago
  
  I believe this is one of those situations where beating your dumbass offspring into the hospital is the appropriate response.
4. Rich 10 years ago
  
  Oops!
5. Rich 10 years ago
  
  Get ready for the new round of smears.
  
  1) “The man can’t even control *his own son*, yet he thinks he can be *President of the United States*?!”
  
  2) “And he claims to be a ‘doctor’. *** snorts *** “
  1. Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
    
    “Who does he think he is, a Kennedy?!”
    1. Rich 10 years ago
      
      Now, now. There’s no evidence she ever drove drunk.
      
      Of course, no one could deny the possibility.
6. Slammer 10 years ago
  
  OMGZ! Drunk driving is way more dangerous than giving uranium to Putin and Iran!!
  1. Charles Easterly 10 years ago
    
    Misogynist!
7. Palin's Buttplug 10 years ago
  
  Real scandal below!
  
  Ray-Ban Asks Rand Paul To Remove Its Shades From His Campaign Store
  
  http://talkingpointsmemo.com/l…..aign-store
  1. Rich 10 years ago
    
    Damn. Rand’s been Ray-Banned.
  2. Mike M. 10 years ago
    
    Fuck off and kill yourself Weigel.
    1. Swiss Servator, faul B??gg! 10 years ago
      
      That is a bit harsh….try ignoring its plea for attention.
  3. SusanM 10 years ago
    
    First Rush and now Ray-Ban. Guy can’t catch a break here.
  4. John Galt 10 years ago
    
    What are we? WWII aircraft pilots? Nobody wears Ray-Bans anymore.
  5. Chumby 10 years ago
    
    Can gay couples force Ray-Ban to provide gay sunglasses for gay weddings?
John Galt 10 years ago

Oh really? Just wait until her penis.
1. John Galt 10 years ago
  
  *see
  1. John Galt 10 years ago
    
    *you see
    1. John Galt 10 years ago
      
      One pot of coffee obviously isn’t enough this morning.
      1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model) 10 years ago
        
        Just wait until her penis sees you?
John Galt 10 years ago

I do like the face. Not enough wrinkles and anger lines, though.
1. Chumby 10 years ago
  
  And no blind person sunglasses. WTF?!?
MJGreen 10 years ago

Heh.
bacon-magic 10 years ago

This cartoon is obviously sexist. War on Wimminz iz realz cuz o’ the feelz.
cobayer 10 years ago

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com
John C. Randolph 10 years ago

I just found out today that some Republican entrepreneurs have started a service to deliver cigars to Hillary Clinton’s campaign office. Apparently, it seriously pisses her off.

I live in a part of the country where she’s likely to show up on a frequent basis to raise money, so even though I don’t smoke I’m considering carrying a cigar to offer her if the occasion presents itself.

-jcr
alejandralilley 10 years ago

I get paid over $87 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless. Heres what I’ve been doing,

————- http://www.work-cash.com
yihumoku 10 years ago

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com
wiludonuf 10 years ago

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com
yutowo 10 years ago

pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com
kevaze 10 years ago

my Aunty Sophia just got a nearly new BMW X4 SUV just by some parttime working online with a lap-top
This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

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