Friday Funnies: Speaker's Fee

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

So in 2017, Bill is vice president and Rachel Dratch is president?

[toliyadikoncama]

I make up to $90 an hour working from my home. My story is that I quit working at Walmart to work online and with a little effort I easily bring in around $40h to $86h? Someone was good to me by sharing this link with me, so now i am hoping i could help someone else out there by sharing this link... Try it, you won't regret it!......
http://www.work-cash.com

[DarrenM]

Chicken feed! Hillary makes more than that picking her nose.

[plusafdotcom]

http://www.plusaf.com/linkedin.....e-head.jpg

[UnCivilServant]

So nightmare-made-flesh is doing the warmup act for the SotU?

[UnCivilServant]

My "Reply to this" links aren't working. So either I have to leave until reason gets their act together, or I'm stuck P Brooksing my way through the comments today.

[UnCivilServant]

I found the problem. reason hosted crap on cloudfront. I don't care if it's an Amazon company and I do plenty of business with them. Everything essential to using reason.com should be coming from a site named reason.com, not from cloudfront.net.

[UnCivilServant]

Shorter whiny me: CNAMEs are your friend.

[Rich]

This.

[Ted S.]

I'm sick and tired of hitting the Escape key to stop the page from loading because the essential bits have loaded, only for the site to start reloading from where it left off, seven or eight times while I'm going through a comments section. It's almost always one or another bit of Google shit, such as apis.google.com or accounts.google.com or oauth.googleusercontent.com.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Why is the Mad Hatter giving the State of the Union address?

[UnCivilServant]

The Dor Mouse was asleep.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

At least if the Dormouse gave the SOTU, I'd remember what he said.

[WTF]

Feed your head?

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

*Hands one pill to WTF*

[WTF]

*Pops pill, turns into Agile Cyborg*

[Sevo]

Sorry, ONE pill ain't gonna do that.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

http://cdn.gunaxin.com/wp-cont.....tter-1.jpg

[Slammer]

Who is the mystery person behind the word balloon?

[UnCivilServant]

From the attire, it looks like one of the NazGul, Breyer I think.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Monica. The bigger question is why Bubba is wearing Spock ears.

[UnCivilServant]

Shrillary bit off the originals, and that was all he could lay his hands on in time.

[Rich]

Chelsea.

Recently she stated that the Clinton Foundation would be "even *more* transparent". She's obviously going to continue the dyNASTY.

[Chumby]

The Clinton Foundation recently released a statement that they won't be releasing e-mails. So there. They do release information.

[invisible furry hand]

I don't want to see her feejayjay

[straffinrun]

Better to be seen than heard.

[Rich]

*slap!*

[invisible furry hand]

*slap!*

[Almanian!]

*SLAP!*

[WTF]

*SLAP!*

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

*slap?*

[Slammer]

*Suh-LAP*

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

Ah, the Southern Open Palm Slap Technique!

*bows toward Master Slammer*

[Charles Easterly]

Mint Julep.

[Steve G]

Is her fee variable & based on which accent she uses?

[Almanian!]

Wait - that's Madonna?

[UnCivilServant]

No, it's Madonna: the Bobblehead!

[Almanian!]

Mad Donna.

Mad Max's wife.

[UnCivilServant]

I've got it!

This is actually a scene from the basement in Chappaqua. The poor bastard to Bill's left is a secret service agent wrangled to play the part of a Nazgul because Shillary went off the deep end after her dirty laundry came to light.

[gaijin]

So Bill is talking about someone he met on Jeffrey Epstein's island?

[straffinrun]

She should have her pants off and be standing on her head.

[Almanian!]

Oh, dear God, no - please no. Not that. No.

[Idle Hands]

Why are people giving a ferbie such a large audience?

[Rich]

Which accent will POTUS Hillary use?

I mean, besides this one.

[Rich]

Oh, I see Steve G already noted this.

*** gets coffee ***

[Bo Cara Esq.]

So yesterday's Quinnipac and today's Fox polls both have the current GOP frontrunner as...Rubio? I thought this guy was running for Veep at best...

http://www.realclearpolitics.c.....est_polls/

[Idle Hands]

Rubio is literally the poor mans jeb bush.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Until the field is narrowed to Jeb vs the alternative a new frontrunner will emerge every month or so.

Remember 2012? Bachman, Flava Cain, and other nutjobs alternated top spot in the polls until the primaries began.

oh, and Good Morning Peanuts!

[Illocust]

This early all it means is that he's been talked about. It won't be until the debates that we start to see real frontrunners.

[DarrenM]

That's my take. Rubio is running for VP.

[Lord Humungus]

CHIPPPPPPPPPP

[UnCivilServant]

Shouldn't the vowel sound be drawn out? You do you hold a sharp consonant like that without stuttering?

[Lord Humungus]

Don't other me, you non-stuttering shitlord

[Bobarian (sexbot hand model)]

How do you read comments with spit all over the screen?

[PM]

The same way Shreeek does?

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

Whew, back to Payne and Bok....we had that horrible three weeks where we had halfway decent art and a bit of a point. Good to see things are back to normal.

NEEDZ MOAR LABELZ!

oh and

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

h/t sage

[UnCivilServant]

Who is sage, and why are they getting hit?

[Almanian!]

I miss sage.

I also miss Suki. Sometimes. But she's dead.

I really miss The Gobbler. He loved him some Suderman. "Way to go, kiddo!"

I do not miss Chad. Nor Mary Stack.

[l0b0t]

I miss J sub D. 🙁

[Almanian!]

OK, free from the union for a moment, back to what's really important:

I don't get it. Why is Weight Watchers Tip O'Neill ghost sitting behind zombie Faith Ford and talking to a word balloon?

Awful. Therefore, perfect.

Happy fucking Friday, Reasonoids. I hope your co-workers slowly poison you with lead in your coffee, resulting, ultimately, in your death.

[UnCivilServant]

I don't drink coffee, and my co-workers want to keep me around because there's no one else to do my job.

[Almanian!]

"I lied"

*drops UnCiv off cliff*

[UnCivilServant]

Darnit, now I have to walk back to my car from down here.

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

*polite applause*

[straffinrun]

One armed applause?

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

+1 I didn't kill my wife!

[This Machine]

Lead? Ha! I've been slowly building up a resistance to Lead for years!

[UnCivilServant]

Is that what you're held together with?

[This Machine]

Just in the pieces that were made in Mexico. The rest is either Dolomite or Titanium.

[Charles Easterly]

"I hope your co-workers slowly poison you with lead in your coffee, resulting, ultimately, in your death."

This is not as surreal as I'd like. There are a couple of coworkers who harbor great ill will against me, and as these individuals are close to the worst sorts of people humanity can offer I must take precautions.

[Charles Easterly]

William H. Paul, "son of Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul has been cited for driving under the influence of alcohol in Kentucky.

Police in Lexington say William H. Paul was driving a 2006 Honda Ridgeline at 11:24 a.m. on Sunday when he crashed into the back of an unoccupied parked car."
http://www.seattlepi.com/news/.....217518.php

Get ready for the new round of smears.

[Almanian!]

FAYK SKANDULL!!!

Oh, wait. This is Paul.

TOTALLY-RELEVANT SKANDULL!!!!

[straffinrun]

11:24 am on a Sunday? Maybe some communion wine?

[Illocust]

I believe this is one of those situations where beating your dumbass offspring into the hospital is the appropriate response.

[Rich]

Oops!

[Rich]

Get ready for the new round of smears.

1) "The man can't even control *his own son*, yet he thinks he can be *President of the United States*?!"

2) "And he claims to be a 'doctor'. *** snorts *** "

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

"Who does he think he is, a Kennedy?!"

[Rich]

Now, now. There's no evidence she ever drove drunk.

Of course, no one could deny the possibility.

[Slammer]

OMGZ! Drunk driving is way more dangerous than giving uranium to Putin and Iran!!

[Charles Easterly]

Misogynist!

[Palin's Buttplug]

Real scandal below!

Ray-Ban Asks Rand Paul To Remove Its Shades From His Campaign Store

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/l.....aign-store

[Rich]

Damn. Rand's been Ray-Banned.

[Mike M.]

Fuck off and kill yourself Weigel.

[Swiss Servator, faul B??gg!]

That is a bit harsh....try ignoring its plea for attention.

[SusanM]

First Rush and now Ray-Ban. Guy can't catch a break here.

[John Galt]

What are we? WWII aircraft pilots? Nobody wears Ray-Bans anymore.

[Chumby]

Can gay couples force Ray-Ban to provide gay sunglasses for gay weddings?

[John Galt]

Oh really? Just wait until her penis.

[John Galt]

*see

[John Galt]

*you see

[John Galt]

One pot of coffee obviously isn't enough this morning.

[Bobarian (sexbot hand model)]

Just wait until her penis sees you?

[John Galt]

I do like the face. Not enough wrinkles and anger lines, though.

[Chumby]

And no blind person sunglasses. WTF?!?

[MJGreen]

Heh.

[bacon-magic]

This cartoon is obviously sexist. War on Wimminz iz realz cuz o' the feelz.

[cobayer]

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do...... ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

[John C. Randolph]

I just found out today that some Republican entrepreneurs have started a service to deliver cigars to Hillary Clinton's campaign office. Apparently, it seriously pisses her off.

I live in a part of the country where she's likely to show up on a frequent basis to raise money, so even though I don't smoke I'm considering carrying a cigar to offer her if the occasion presents itself.

-jcr

[alejandralilley]

I get paid over $87 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I'd be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless. Heres what I've been doing,

------------- http://www.work-cash.com

[yihumoku]

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do...... ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

[wiludonuf]

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do...... ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

[yutowo]

pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
This is wha- I do...... ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

[kevaze]

my Aunty Sophia just got a nearly new BMW X4 SUV just by some parttime working online with a lap-top
This is wha- I do...... ?????? http://www.netjob80.com