Rand Paul Is Running for President, Massive Power Outage in D.C., More Arrested Development? P.M. Links

Some show-off kid was accepted to all eight Ivy League schools.

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  1. Sen. Rand Paul is officially in the race for the presidency.

    Really? News to me.

    1. Hello.

      Man pulls out chainsaw in road rage incident.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhsTuoojJEk

      By the way, the car he did that to was following him around until they cornered him for some reason while the idiot wife egged him on.

      There are no winners in this one.

      1. In Canada, doesn’t everyone carry a chainsaw around?

        1. Fucken-a, eh.

        2. No. Too dangerous, too much like weapons.

          1. Everyone in Canada wears a government approved helmet.

            AND WE’RE HEALTHIER AND WEALTHIER FOR IT!

            1. +1 Heritage Moment

              1. Still waiting on a, ‘Gordie Saskatoon invented the Beaver Tail and Caribou Cock and the world changed’ vignette.

                1. I may not be from Saskatoon, but I’ve crushed my share of Beaver ….. And tail.

  2. But are there enough libertarians to elect him?

    Not at the… moment.

    1. But 50% of the people identify as libertarian!

      1. And one-hundred-eleventy percent of millennials too!

      2. But 50% of the people identify as libertarian!

        Needs moar random Bold and ALL CAPS.

        1. I need some kind of graphic to explain this for me.

          1. You must be a millenial.

    2. Would you say that we would have to wait for some kind of moment…of libertarianism?

      1. http://www.wsj.com/articles/bi…..1428361423
        According to wsj the libertarian moment has been sighted in Indiana

    3. Not even if the fat, balding dude impersonating all the Libertarian women votes as each woman he’s impersonating?

  3. It’s not yet clear whether Brian Williams will return to NBC.

    He will. He told me himself.

    1. Right after he’s done [insert heroic deed here].

      1. “I’ll be back or my name isn’t Napoleon Bonaparte!”

  4. In unrelated news, a massive power outage rocked Washington, D.C. this afternoon.

    Is it unrelated? Is it?

    1. Too bad we can’t pull the plug on DC permanently.

      1. We can. We just choose not to.

    2. At last, benevolent superbeings are intervening to save us all.

  5. Youtube yanked Paul’s campaign announcement video due to copyright concerns.

    Ron Paul made a complaint about people stealing his ideas.

    1. The Revolution will not be Televised.

  6. Producer Brian Grazer says 17 more episodes of Arrested Development will be produced at an indeterminate time in the future.

    I hope they’re more decipherable than the previous season.

  7. Beloved Brontosaurus makes a comeback

    The Brontosaurus is back. Dinosaur fossils that were originally described as Brontosaurus excelsus in 1879 and later renamed should indeed be classified as Brontosaurus, a study of dozens of dinosaur specimens concludes.

    1. But they got the head wrong!

    2. Here we come with a (brontosaurus) burger on a bun!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSmYJ2BVAmQ

    3. Ha! Dino has been vindicated! As has Barney Rubble!

    4. Good!

      Now can we get Pluto back as a planet?

      If this self appointed “planet committee” needs something to do, they can work on a new name for Uranus. Because it’s impossible to discuss Uranus now without giggling.

      1. Easy as hell, adopt the Russian nomenclature and call it Uran.

      2. Rename it to Urrectum.

        Besides, even according to them, Pluto is still a planet, just a specific type.

      3. An amusing and very geeky T-shirt I once saw: “Brontosaurus is still a planet!”

  8. Producer Brian Grazer says 17 more episodes of Arrested Development will be produced at an indeterminate time in the future.

    Him?

    1. Maybe it’s your eyes.

    2. Could it be as lame as season 4?

  9. Hey, did you guys hear?!?!?!

    Something something Rand Paul!

    1. Shikha, meanwhile, has another article about the Indiana RFRA.

      1. Technically, it’s the IndianaRFRA.

  10. “Sen. Rand Paul is officially in the race for the presidency.
    But are there enough libertarians to elect him?”

    Depends.

    What’s his position on orphan labor?

    I can just see the headlines:

    Rand’s Secret Plot To Bring Somalian Model To American Shores.

    1. Rand’s Secret Plot To Bring Somalian Model To American Shores.

      Just one? Don’t be a dick, bring enough for everyone.

      1. The rare ones without the dead, kat-glazed eyes are pretty hot…

        1. This is attractive to you?????

          http://www.ethiospot.com/photo…..e=activity

          1. Jesus Holy Mother and Father of Jesus.

          2. I’ll let you know when I get my jaw off the floor.

      2. I knew I should have gone with ‘Somalian Skinny Model’.

        1. +1 John RICO Act?

  11. “Rand Paul Is Running for President, Massive Power Outage in D.C.””

    COINCIDENCE??

    The mere flexing of his political muscle caused transformers to explode across the D.C. Wasteland

    1. It is a God-given lesson that libertarian free markets will lead to darkness, and that God’s Government (TM) must lead us to light through regulations.

  12. Some show-off kid was accepted to all eight Ivy League schools.

    It’s not Mindy Kaling’s brother, is it?

    1. A transgender Cherokee refugee from the Niger delta.

    2. Are you saying all black people look alike? Raciss

      1. I’ve been meaning to ask you, what’s your objective opinion on Winston? It’s really hard to wade through the hype down here, with plenty of Seminole fans suggesting he’s better than Dan Marino and Peyton Manning combined. Not to mention whether he’s going to get in trouble off the field.

        1. Ehh. He really hates to lose, but I see him more as Vince Young. Unless he ends up with a great coach/therapist (all credit to Jimbo Fisher on that) he’s gonna be a three year/four team player. That said, he’s got the arm and the vision to be good, but he trusts it too much. He’ll throw a bunch of picks his first year as a starter. I wouldn’t take him number one but he’ll go in the first round. The Saints should pick him up to back up Drew Brees but he’s too expensive for that. The Bucs will pick him up and he’ll be mediocre.

          1. The Saints should pick him up to back up Drew Brees but he’s too expensive for that.

            No. I don’t want Winston anywhere near my team.

          2. Good, I’m not insane then, because this is my take, too. Last season really exposed his imperfections, though everyone is acting like he’s Andrew Luck now. I saw him play horrifically a few times, only to bail himself out at the end. Considering the defenses he faced were generally not great, that’s a little concerning. Heck, the national title was played against a totally shitty defense in Auburn, and I thought Winston was shaky in that game, despite doing some very good things to ensure the win. I see him at best as akin to Favre, but he’s not my favorite QB, either, not liking the throw-and-pray model.

            I’m not sure what the Bucs should do. Mariota may be the better long-term pick, but I have my doubts about him, too. I suppose a trade-down might work, but the price would be so high for #1 that I can’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to pay it.

    3. “17-year-old Long Island high-school student Harold Ekeh is homecoming king, salutatorian, editor-in-chief of the newspaper, and vice-president of Model U.N.

      “Ekeh, who scored a 2270 on the SATs and is interested in studying medicine, says he’s leaning toward Yale. ”

      Typical affirmative action situation. I bet if this guy weren’t Nigerian all those colleges wouldn’t have cared about this salutatorian editor-in-chief with the 2270 SAT score.

      1. Doesn’t it make it even more typical that the guy is actually Nigerian?

      2. The kid was actually Nigerian? What are the odds.

      3. It’s not affirmative action. His dad promised the colleges $32 million if they accept his son and pay a small bank fee.

        (hey, I haven’t seen this joke made yet!)

      4. Wait, since when do the SATs go above 1600?

        1. I don’t know the answer, but think it was about 10 years ago. Added another module, maybe essays or something like that.

        2. Since they added the essay portion

  13. In unrelated news, a massive power outage rocked Washington, D.C. this afternoon.

    Unrelated? DC and its power grid just can’t handle the Randmentum!

    1. Someone at Cato got too drunk and tripped the wrong wire.

      1. Someone spilled their Koch on the keyboard…

  14. It’s not yet clear whether Brian Williams will return to NBC.

    He will come back after he slays his inner demons Rambo-style, while riding in a helicopter under fire, watching corpses floating by on the Euphrates below.

  15. I have this song stuck in my head.

    It is NSFW.

    1. How the fuck do you get that stuck in your head?

      Do they have it on the muzak track at the office?

      1. It’s got catchy beats.

    2. That is the song Jesse will be listening to on loop when Hillary collects the democratic nomination.

    1. So.

      Do they perform Wagner?

    2. Has the Kultur War gotten so nuts that you can’t even insult Nazi’s anymore?

      They really are using Nazi symbols in the Ukraine, so the pianist isn’t exaggerating at all.

      1. Does the use of certain symbols work as a proper metric to determine the ideology and policy preferences of it’s users?

      2. Well, she’s doing it to defend Russia’s incursions into Ukraine, so I’m not really seeing any winners here.

  16. Spot the Not: CIA

    All but 1 of the following are real quotes from CIA officials or about the agency.

    1. We’ll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false.

    2. Nicawawa

    3. You can’t overthrow the government of a country whose name you can’t pronounce!

    4. U.S. officials who had served in Belgrade were aware that the Chinese Embassy had moved sometime in 1996. The information, however, was not entered into the data bases we rely on for our targeting and mapping.

    5. Of course, everything is overshadowed, as we expect, by this one very, very bad mistake.

    6. In 1984, President Reagan’s Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board found that only 20 percent of the CIA officers in the Mexico City station had even a working knowledge of Spanish.

    1. 4. Too truthy.

    2. #2. That’s from the SNL skit with Jimmy Smits where they over pronounce all of the names.

      1. But your answer is wrong!

      1. I concur.

    3. 5 is the Not. That was the response of NATO spokesman after the US accidentally bombed the Chinese embassy in Belgrade.

      #1 is real. Here is the context:

      Casey first told Reagan that he had been astonished to discover that over 80 percent of the ‘intelligence’ that the analysis side of the CIA produced was based on open public sources like newspapers and magazines. As he did to all the other secretaries of their departments and agencies, Reagan asked what he saw as his goal as director for the CIA, to which he replied with this quote, which I recorded in my notes of the meeting as he said it. Shortly thereafter I told Senior White House correspondent Sarah McClendon, who was a close friend and colleague, who in turn made it public.

      #2 is CIA director William Casey’s attempt to pronounce “Nicaragua” which lead to #3.

      1. The bombing of the Chinese embassy in Belgrade was no accident.

        1. Wow. Did not know that.

          http://www.theguardian.com/wor…..17/balkans

          So the Chinese were helping the Serbs.

  17. This construction auditor gig ain’t so bad. But its like working five Biffs from BTTF. As long as I go out there every day and make a couple of foremen nervous, ask a couple of pointed questions to a supervisor every week, they all play pretty straight, but these guys massage numbers like tax attornwys if you turn your back. Another plus (until it gets hot as balls) is that I get to go for a walk on the edge of the water every day it doesn’t rain. Downside, its Tuesday and I have about four more hours of actual work to do this week.

    1. Nothing better than having an office job and being able to get out to a site or other location to clear your mind and fix your eyeballs.

      I assume we’ll see a lot of your comments this week, bone up on the Boston Bombing, Rand, RFRA, UVA and maybe bees in the white house.

      1. The only downside is that I have to comment on my phone. For some reason, they don’t trust construction guys to behave professionally on the Internet.

  18. Does anyone know if Rand Paul announced yet?

    1. You tell me. Is Lou Reed dead?

  19. 4. Too truthy.

    1. Note to self: put comment in right place.

      1. Like this comment, which probably should have gone on a sticky note on your monitor rather than HERE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. Doy.

  20. Meet Neo-feminism, which appears to be traditionalism:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEfEfqf1CR0

    1. Women must be protected from men they aren’t related to, intoxicants, strong language, and any other shocking conduct that might upset their delicate constitutions? This sounds like either current feminism or Victorianism.

      1. And they aren’t worth shit at negotiating salaries, according to Pao. Poor things!

    1. I expect to see this on the MSM soon with a headline “Republicans hold trafficking bill hostage over abortion funding”.

      1. Are you kidding? That’s been a daily feature for weeks now on Progressive Hate Radio.

  21. My Little Pony pays homage to Harrison Bergeron:

    https://youtu.be/hLMzAE9CzaY?t=25m35s

  22. There’s always money in the banana stand.

    1. “Talk you off what, Pop-Pop?”

        1. Trouser’s not on board.

    1. Up = Down.

      See? No problem.

    2. Like I said.

      She heads the Fountain of Derp.

      And gets paid by CNN for it.

      1. Where does she come from. I used to think talking heads had gov jobs or some expertise in something at a think tank before going on TV, but some of these folks (mostly lefties) seem to pop out of nowhere. Maybe I’m just ignorant of the wonk booking circuit.

        1. She is likely a very good networker–her bio said she has her law degree from NYU and spent some time as a fellow there as well, along with her time as an activist. A lot of opportunities to get an inside track given how incestuous the media are, if you get to know people in the business.

  23. Ever wanted to see a Sugarfree vignette acted out?

    https://youtu.be/nFLl88OMWOY?t=2m7s

    1. Ever wanted to see a Sugarfree vignette acted out?

      No.

    2. That was a tremendous waste of environmentally damaging toilet paper.

      Also, no Marty Hugman. Very disapointing.

    3. So… clicking this link is like reading the book from “In the Mouth of Madness” or taking a trip on the “Event Horizon”?

      Reality will be irrevocably altered and the old gods will be able to enter this plane?

      1. Side effects include projectile vomiting and ego death.

      2. There has never been a more apt comparison in all of human existence.

    4. Oh goddammit. I fell for it again.

    5. Is there any way to unsee it?

    6. “Supported by the Arts Council of England.” Western civilization may be doomed.

  24. Why Do We Still Tolerate the Supreme Court?

    ThinkProgress’ Ian Millhiser wrote a book which apparently comes down to “The Supreme Court Makes Decisions I Don’t Like.”

    Though I do find it interesting Slate and ThinkProgress think a case that arose because white unionized protestant workers didn’t like competition from immigrant bakers and so instituted maximum hour limits, thus preserving their institutional advantage. Way to stand up for the little guy.

    1. Weird that they don’t seem to have a problem with, say, Roe v. Wade.

      1. Seriously, how far away are we from them openly talking about repealing the whole Constitution?

        1. I used to think a new Constitutional Convention was a good idea until I researched how the members would be appointed.

          1. Me, too. There’s no way that it could be safely done now, as the positive liberties brigade would take over, and we’d have the right to steal other people’s money enshrined as constitutional law, along with pretty much every limit on government power lifted.

            It’s worth noting, too, that the Constitutional Convention was, quite arguably, a coup of sorts, with the delegates abandoning the limits placed on them by the states.

          2. I always thought of it this way Brett. Why on earth would we want to replace a document created by the greatest political class since ancient Greece with one written by the political class we have now? There is just no way that would turn out to be anything but tragic.

            1. The political class we have now made a massive effort to get the public AGAINST a Constitutional Convention in Illinois a few years ago. They were scared shiftless the public employee pension guarantees would be stricken from the state Constitution.

            2. But, but, but… they were RICH WHITE SLAVEHOLDERS!!1eleventy-one

          3. I used to think a new Constitutional Convention was a good idea until I researched how the members would be appointed.

            The US ought to break apart into a few separate countries before there’d be a beneficial outcome. As far as representation is concerned when the Constitution was written, the ratio of representatives to citizens was something like 1 rep for ever 30,000ish citizens. Now it’s about 1 for every 700,000. The US is too big for it’s own constitutional britches to fit properly.

            1. You know which other entity got too large for its constitution to manage it?

              1. The Roman Republic?

                1. The Roman Republic?

                  Winner!

                  Seriously, taking Senate, architecture, eagle, fascia and god knows what else from it is a bit like standing in a thunderstorm in full metal armor, wielding a spear and screaming “All gods are bastards!” (tm Terry Pratchett)

              2. Warty’s digestive tract?

        2. Hasn’t Ezra Klein (or one of his Vox douche acolytes) advocated for just that?

      2. That’s different! That has to do with women, who are oppressed and deserve protection. Except when they’re competing with men for jobs and are priced out due to minimum wage laws. Or when they’re immigrants running bakeries. Or when they happen to be of the same descent as a country we’re fighting. Or when they want to live in their house and not be forced out by local petty tyrants.

        I can’t even tell you what the “principle” is. The court should rule in favor of the oppressed, except when they shouldn’t?

    2. For fuck sakes, just go straight to a dictator already and be done with it.

      May these people rot in hell.

  25. Banning Chain Stores Is Not a Bad Idea

    One of the most common laments of anyone who dwelled in a once-cool city is that our nation’s urban spaces have become infested with identical chain stores. So what if we just… banned them?
    No Applebees. No Olive Garden. The Gap would like to move in downstairs? No! Old Navy would like to locate across the street? No! Could your block use another Starbucks, to go with the other Starbucks? Nah. Though the American system of capitalism will inevitably lead to the proliferation of chain stores?due to the inherent economic advantages of scale?that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to resign ourselves to a world full of CitiMcDonaldsTGIFridaysBananaRepublic.

    Is a city full of local businesses a hippie pipe dream? I tell you, my people: thanks to the magic of local zoning ordinances, it is not!

    1. Yes, it would be nice to see prices skyrocket, wages/benefits decrease, and product choices diminish.

      1. No, no, no:

        Best idea ever. Seriously. I’m pretty sure this would solve about half of our domestic economic problems in one fell swoop. A greater distribution of wealth, responsibility, and opportunity – all with the fringe benefit of stronger communities.

        1. Someone wrote that?

        2. I like that progressive ideas never have any negative consequences.

          They’re like Elon Musk’s Hyperloop – all their plans run on pollutionless solar energy and there are never any accidents.

          1. I like that progressive ideas never have any negative consequences.

            Regulation takes care of those. And if some unforeseen ones crop up, then you just need a few more common-sense regulations.

            Plus, economic stimulus from all the regulatory activity! And happier populace, knowing that evil capitalists aren’t allowed to poison their children or hunt them for sport and trophies.

        3. Stealing from the productive and redistributing their wealth “works” for a short while, until there’s much less to spend the money on.

        4. A greater distribution of wealth, responsibility, and opportunity – all with the fringe benefit of stronger communities.

          Man, is there anything unemployment can’t do?

          1. What it can’t do, incredible increases in the minimum wage can.

        5. one swell foop.

          1. That was Peter Sellers, wasn’t it? I can’t quite recall…

      2. Top Down Control will surely bring about a vibrant Bottom-Up Economy

        1. Well, maybe a belly-up economy.

          1. I think it’ll be more belly-down, ass up.

            Try to relax, this might take a while…

    2. You didn’t know silly? Sears possesses economies of scale that have allowed it to crush competition from everyone else. Target Canada is so chock full of scale that they’re dominating the Canadian market and probably going to push Canadian Tire out of business. TEH EVUL SCALE!

      1. Canadian consumers are a strange bunch mostly because they mix nationalist nonsense with their outlook.

        ‘OOOO NOESSS. MORE AMERICANS COMING HERE!!! KEEP YOUR YANKEE GM!….what, GM is American. Oh. It’s okay. Go back home!’ Then they race for the border to shop in the USA.

        Weird branch plant mentality I dare say.

        1. Canada’s true contribution to the world – showing the difference between stated and revealed preference on continental scale.

          1. I like that.

            I may have to use it.

            1. Only if you promise 25% of that usage will be in French.

              For double load of irony, make sure it’s the French-French (language that ROC immerses its children in), not icky Quebecois French.

    3. And then you discover you can no longer afford to live in your once-again cool city.

    4. They understand the economic advantages of scale, but fuck those low prices for poor people. Upper middle class white urbanites need to feel coooooooool

    5. Gawker, always pushing past Slate and Salon to reach peak derp.

    6. And just whom does he think is going to be able to navigate an even MORE complex bureaucracy? Has he ever talked to someone trying to start a service business. Here’s a hint. Take $5000 every month and burn it for six months, because that is all too often what happens when you’re waiting on some inspector to show up or some administrator to review and approve permit applications. Fuck off, slaver!

      1. Massive deregulation, including lifting most of the regulatory and financial regulations on small businesses, would make it much easier to compete with entrenched companies in many industries, including retail. Which would mean more local alternatives to major chains, and more overall national competition to them as well. Is that what they’re talking about?

        1. Whoa, we can’t just let anyone open a business. What if they wanted to be the next Olive Garden or Walmart? No, only boutique fetishists who want to sell to other fetishists will be allowed. I mean, they could end up like Cigar City, radically expanding until cans of good beer could be purchased outside of Florida. How will Floridians sneer at Alabamians when those hicks can drink a Maduro Brown purchased at a local beer store?

          1. I see. So we could install local committees–let’s call them “zoviettes”–to evaluate and approve each new business.

          2. cans of good beer could be purchased [in] Florida

            Citation please?

            1. There’s plenty of good beer here.

              1. In my journeys to Florida, the beer selections at the places I have gone have always consisted of the big 3 usual suspects. Granted, that was Jacksonville, so that might have had something to do with it…

                1. That had something to do with it.

                  1. Cigar City FTmufugginW.

                    That tropical maibock they brewed for Sierra Nevada’s Beer Camp pack this year was amazing.

      2. Has he ever talked to someone trying to start a service business.

        I see you didn’t use a question mark, because you already know the answer.

    7. The free market in downtown Minneapolis did it own it’s own. Gone now are Applebee’s Olive Garden, Champs, McDonald’s, Burger King, the Gap…

      True, there are a few Starbucks, but also several independent coffee shops such as Le Belle Crepe.

      1. The intent was to force out the lower 2 income quintiles.

        1. Didn’t work.

    8. You know who else wanted to ban chain stores?

      Well, actually a few chains of department stores, particularly those owned by Jews, which most were.

      Of course, Wilson and FDR hated chain stores also, even if they were owned by descendants from the Mayflower. A prosecutor in FDR’s “Justice” Department called the chain store a “giant blood sucker”.

    9. I’m pretty sure this would solve about half of our domestic economic problems in one fell swoop. A greater distribution of wealth, responsibility, and opportunity – all with the fringe benefit of stronger communities.

      Leftism should really start calling itself “The Church of Question-Begging.” Makes a lot more sense than what they believe themselves to be.

  26. Wow, Planned Parenthood just utterly lost its shit on Twitter over Rand Paul. They’ve fired off like 10 Tweets about how much he hates women because he’s pro-life and doesn’t think PP should be government funded.

    1. Job killer!

    2. Last election my wife said Romney was going to defund PP. I asked why men should pay taxes for a service they can’t use. Her reply was a thoughtful “hmm”.

      1. “Last election my wife said Romney was going to defund PP.”
        I wish Republicans did half the things progressive accuse them of.

        1. Indeed.

        2. Yep, the only times I warmed up to Romney was when I’d read some progressive explaining all of the awful things he’d do.

        3. They’d be a lot more popular if they did, I suspect.

      2. Liberal voters prevented from being born?

    3. They’re just upset because they know Hillary wouldn’t stand a chance against him, even amongst women voters.

    4. John was just saying earlier today which side of that argument can’t be reasoned with.

    5. Someone responded saying they violated 501 c3 rules. Which may be correct? Aren’t you banned from directly supporting or opposing a given candidate?

      Those laws are wrong, but given PP probably supports them…

      1. But they don’t have “Tea Party” in their name.

  27. Banning chain stores isn’t a bad idea

    If you don’t want your town to become a plastic facsimile of Main Street America (which is a fast food-laden strip of county road on the outskirts of Spartanburg, SC), then you have to do something to counteract the grim economic trends. In a time when the economy is strong and there is a decent supply of locals who want to run businesses in your downtown, keeping out chain stores is a public service. If people want to eat at Red Lobster so bad, they can drive to the fucking burbs. Support burb tourism!

    Hamilton Nolan is a super douche name, btw

    1. If you want to eat at an artisanal grilled cheese shop so bad, why don’t you…

  28. Jury begins deliberations in Aaron Hernandez murder trial.

    Apparently, his (brief) official defense was that he witnessed the murder take place (but didn’t actually perpetrate it himself), but was too afraid to come forward to the police.

    These deliberations shouldn’t take much more than an hour or so. Hernandez is one of the most obviously guilty psychopaths I’ve ever seen in my life.

    1. The day or two that the whole thing was coming out, I thought for a bit “He can’t be guilty, right? There’s too much evidence. If he actually did the murder he’d have put more effort into covering it up.”

    2. You know who else was an obviously guilty psychopath?

  29. Rand Paul’s run: the Daily Kos verdict

    he’s trying to create a base out of the hawks and the stoners.

    Paul is promising Republicans they can win with him because he can get young people and minorities. That’s coming from the guy who used to say that civil rights laws are unconstitutional and who didn’t have a problem with people excluding others from their lunch counters because private property rights. The reimagined Paul says everybody should be able to vote, so that makes it all better and minorities are going to flock to him because he’s “different.” That’s the message for the day. That and “send me money.”

    So much for that liberaltarianism thingee. Eh.

    1. Bonus derp from the comments:

      so he is just another religious authoritarian who doesn’t want to have to qualify for a license to practice

      He’s the slightly wackier Jeb Bush in that respect. Jeb was a capable administrator though–no evidence Ayn Paul is really good at much besides “read the top line of the chart, please”.

      Warmongers. Bought warmongers. Agents for profiteering warmongers. Religiously crazed sociopathic warmongers. And now, stoned warmongers.

      Rand Paul stands for only one thing. Rand Paul.

      They all talk the talk about limited government. Do they walk the walk? Of course not. How do I know? Because Adam Smith, the man who demonstrated modern economics, was, are you ready for this, a liberal and a progressive.

      Teenage girl who posts at DKos was not available to answer whether should could even, at hearing the news of Rand’s candidacy.

      1. Because Adam Smith, the man who demonstrated modern economics, was, are you ready for this, a liberal and a progressive.

        Well, he was a *liberal* but not so much a progressive.

        1. They are so insanely lacking in self-awareness.

      2. They all talk the talk about limited government. Do they walk the walk? Of course not. How do I know? Because Adam Smith, the man who demonstrated modern economics, was, are you ready for this, a liberal and a progressive.

        Dear FSM that is mind-numbingly stupid. Yes: Adam Smith was a liberal. Liberal in 1776 was synonymous with libertarian of course. A “progressive” though? Considering progressivism didn’t exist until the turn of the 20th century (maybe late 19th if you wanna argue Bismark as a progressive), that statement is so absurd as to be laughable.

        1. Adam Smith said rich people should pay higher taxes, but it’s a stretch to call him progressive, particularly since that philosophy did not exist then.

          He also said all that a country needs to go from barbarism to prosperity is peace, low taxes, and the tolerable administration of justice.

          On the subject of staying out of debt, he said that what is prudent for a household can scarcely be foolish for a nation.

        2. Dude,dude, dude…quiet down.

          This dude is like… opening my mind about Adam Smith

        3. If progressivism didn’t exist until the 20th century then how do you explain Jesus? Huh?

      3. no evidence Ayn Paul is really good at much besides “read the top line of the chart, please”.

        Most people really don’t know the difference between an optometrist and an opthamlologist.

        1. Well, to be sure, my ophthalmologist does the eye chart, too.

      4. They all talk the talk about limited government. Do they walk the walk? Of course not. How do I know? Because Adam Smith, the man who demonstrated modern economics, was, are you ready for this, a liberal and a progressive.

        The latter half has already been addressed. What does the former mean? What does it have to do with Adam Smith?

        Is this guy saying that modern liberals/progressives are the ones “walking the walk” on “limited government”?

      5. And the most ignorant thing there, and what we’ll probably start to hear, is that an ophthalmologist’s sole talent is testing vision for eyeglasses. That’s optometrists, people! Those aren’t even physicians!

        Ophthalmologists are *full surgeons* and usually come from the top percentages of med school classes — IOW they are the best and the brightest docs around in most cases. At least when I was in medical school, getting into an ophtho residency was harder than getting into neurosurgery (you know, ‘brain surgeons’, the ones who everybody assumes are the smartest doctors, though they aren’t by a long shot).

        I’m sure there will be a lot of lefties out there trying to insist that ophthalmologists are the lowest-grade of physician to try and minimize Rand’s intelligence. Too bad it’s exactly the opposite.

    2. I love it when progs use the term “stoner” as an insult. I thought they liked/are stoners.

  30. OTOH, surprisingly kind words from Redstate:

    In 2010, when I backed Senator Paul in the primary, I got an enormous amount of grief from many conservatives and Republicans who did not like Senator Paul’s father and assumed that Senator Paul would be a clone of his father. I do not regret one bit supporting Senator Paul[…]

    Many of my friends think Rand Paul operates as a closet Democrat. I think, in fact, he comes the closest to an authentic civil libertarian candidate in some time. He is willing to approach issues on race in ways other Republicans don’t, if only to mitigate prior attacks on him for his statements on civil rights legislation. He has also been willing to speak critically of American engagement abroad when most Republicans rah-rah any use of force.

    This will help Rand Paul set himself apart from the rest of a crowded GOP field[…]

    Welcome to the arena, Senator Paul. Good luck. I cannot wait to hear your vision for the future and hope to see you at the RedState Gathering in Atlanta.

    1. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again:

      Rand Paul is, and has for several years now (albeit under the radar), aggressively seeking evangelical and SoCon votes because he intends to turn criminal justice reform into the abolition of its day, complete with a moral component lead by people of religious belief. If he can turn the Christian SoCon vote into the force for criminal justice reform, he will give his party a chance at capturing increasing shares of minority votes well into the future.

      1. That would be one of the most brilliantly subversive things to come out of this century’s politics, if it were to happen.

      2. Clever is true.

        I keep hoping that the GOP ties its deregulation agenda to things like food and alternative medicine, to peal off some of the foodie and hippie types.

        1. Clever IF true.

      3. I think you are exactly right. The horror on the faces of the Reason staff as they watch SOCONs achieve criminal justice reform is going to be priceless. Those people are just so icky. Why did they have to be the ones to do it?!!!!

  31. I’m getting the impression that if Indiana’s RFRA didn’t exist,the left would have to invent it

    But everyone I know here has been appalled by the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which was signed into law two weeks ago. Their responses tend to cluster around one of two positions. First are the Facebook posts of embarrassment with faculty lamenting, “How did I ever end up living in this state?” (Well, you got a faculty job at a university, so.) But others just as opposed to Gov. Pence want to defend Indiana in general (and sometimes Bloomington in particular) claiming other states have this very same legislation, so why is everyone picking on us so much? (This is only partially true?no other forms of the act include for-profit businesses except for South Carolina and many contain the same anti-discrimination clauses that Pence has been embarrassed into including in Indiana’s). Much of the ire and defensiveness comes, of course, from the abject injustice of this law. But I think a part of it also comes from those who live in Indiana and who both identify and don’t with our “home” state.

  32. Your ‘Soft Sexism’ Stories

    Microagressions away!

    1. I like my sexism much harder than that, but I’m still at work…

      +1, will fap to again.

    2. I hate whiners. If it’s bad enough at your job that you harbor resentment, maybe you should leave. But usually they don’t because they’d rather just complain and annoy everyone else with their crappy attitude.

    3. I work at a small company with just 2 female employees. Routinely I am told that the toilet paper has run out….

      Wait, so the men are responsible for the toilet paper in the ladies restroom running out?

    4. Whatever happened to that dumb bitch?

  33. http://www.popularmechanics.co…..ever-0609/

    75 movies every man should see./

    1. I have seen every one except Shakes the Clown and Ironman. I don’t see Bob Golthwait movies or movies based on comic books as a general rule.

      1. Dude.

        Police Academy 2-4?!?!?!

    2. Looked like some pretty important guy films were left out. I am displeased.

      1. And some pretty stupid ones put in. But no list is perfect. They got a lot of them right.

      2. Seriously, Platoon over Southern Comfort? Terminator (which I love) over Conan?

        1. No. The travesty is Platoon over Full Metal Jacket.

          1. They reached their Kubrick quota. So no Dr. Strangelove either.

        2. No Planet of the Apes? Come on. And did I also not see Big Trouble in Little China? I mean, that’s got zero X chromosomes.

          1. No Outlaw Josey Wales.

            1. Egad. That’s it, I’m boycotting the list.

            2. No Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

              1. Or Eat Pray Love.

              2. Or Eat Pray Love.

            3. The Wind and the Lion is missing.

              1. And Lawrence of Arabia.

                1. I would’ve expected better from Popular Mechanics.

    3. Watching that scene where Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool should be a mandatory ritual for boys undergoing puberty, to ensure proper development and aspiration in the next generation.

      1. That is a great scene but I was always a Jennifer Jason Lee man myself. Any of the scenes where she gets her kit off are spectacular.

    4. A slideshow? Never.

    5. I have seen 11.

      Kids these days…

  34. http://www.thedailybeast.com/a…..verge.html

    John McWorter bravely tries to talk his fellow progressives down from the full retard ledge. I wish him luck.

  35. Slate writer tests positive for first US case of Rand Pauld Derangement Syndrome:

    Rand Paul Suggests Disturbingly That He Enjoyed Having Summer Jobs as a Teen

    1. I enjoyed having summer jobs too. Why exactly is that supposed to be bad?

      1. Even the lefties in the comments can’t figure it out.

      2. The one summer between 16-22 that I didn’t have a job (I played online poker) was the most boring and unfulfilling of them all.

    2. I enjoyed having year-round jobs since age 15. The worst day at work beat the best day at school; I’m sure the paychecks had something to do with it.

      1. I remember some of the full time people at the grocery store complaining about work. I reminded them that I was spending 25 hours a week working on top of full time school (~35 hours a week), and thought the work part was the best. A few years later in college I actually worked a 38 hour/week schedule with a full courseload.

        1. I worked close to full time my senior year of college, with a full-time course load. Now I hear complaints from kids that working at all makes college impossible. Whatever.

    3. The horror. The horror.

    4. I pointed out the other day that since 1996, youth employment (16-19) has dropped from the mid-40% to mid-20%.

      i.e. half as many kids work in their spare time. at all.

      The fact that younger people think of work as “punishment” is partly a consequence of this.

      Millenials are the Summer Camp generation.

      1. And the country is going to pay for that I think. Spoiled little bastards are going to have to face reality at some point.

    5. Laughing my ass off. One of the comments actually starts with the phrase: “Back in the late 70s or early 80s before Reagan ruined it all”

      Yes – the late 1970s. As everyone knows, the late ’70s were a wonderful utopian period where there certainly were no economic or social problems occurring.

      1. +10% inflation.

      2. Holy shit, that’s ignorant. People have no idea how scary those times were.

        1. This guy LIVED THROUGH IT! According to him he was working a summer job.

          He was probably 15 and didn’t actually have to deal with any of the problems going on since that fell to his parents.

      3. Peoria Il had like ~20% unemployment.

  36. http://www.americanthinker.com…..libby.html

    Turns out Scooter Libby was innocent.

    1. Read that this morning. That is fucked-up.

  37. If facts are conservative then are lies liberal?

    http://pjmedia.com/drhelen/201…..s-liberal/

    And apparently Elizabeth Brueing has a worse than usual case of butt hurt.

    http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/204710/

    1. “It is simple operant conditioning, When the rewards for lying for liberals diminish and the consequences for lying increase, maybe the lies will diminish. “

      this is similar to my worry the other day = it increasingly appears that we’ve created a no-consequence environment for *lying*… and making ‘false accusations’ in attempt to slander and destroy people has no real price-tag attached. In fact, we apologize for the ‘mistakes’ of the liars and blame society for perpetuating the conditions ‘forcing’ them to resort to those tactics.

      1. Yes. And that is not going to end well.

  38. http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/07/…..index.html

    The Russians hacked the White House. Why hasn’t Putin hacked Columbia and released Obama’s transcripts just for kicks?

    1. Putin doesn’t want to be rid of Obama. Embarrassing him is one thing, destroying another.

      Shit, Putin wishes America lacked term limits. He’d love to run rings around Obama for the next decade

    2. Related: What is spear fishing?

  39. http://www.nationalreview.com/…..n-lovelace

    Deported illegals can now fly back to the US at taxpayer expense. A policy only Dalmia could love.

    1. child under age 21
      no cost other than DNA testing parent must front
      Venezuela not on the list of eligible countries.

      April Fool was a week ago, John. Nice try!

      1. Sadly, you can’t make this shit up anymore. But it is true.

    2. Just insane.

  40. Romney’s NCAA bracket nearly perfect

    http://boston.cbslocal.com/201…..t-perfect/

    The White House village idiot’s probably not so much.

  41. http://www.chicagotribune.com/…..story.html

    Three months in jail even though the accused had video evidence that he was innocent. I’m sure they’re going to turn around and press charges against the woman who made the false rape allegation any day now, right? Right?!?!?!

    1. How would you keep yourself from hunting that bitch down and killing her if you were him?

      1. I wouldn’t stop myself…

    2. Maxime Fohounhedo, who has been in jail on $500,000 bail since his December arrest, was expected to be released later Monday. His attorney, Shady Yousif Yassin, said the new evidence was an approximately nine-minute recording his client made on his cellphone while driving the alleged victim home in November.

      The guy’s lawyer’s name is Shady? I’d make a joke, but there are just way to many too choose from!

      1. Employed by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, I take it?

      2. Not FTA: his lawyer, Shady, referred to the accusation as ” egregious, preposterous, outrageous.”

  42. Illinois State athletic staffers among 7 dead in plane crash

    http://www.startribune.com/nation/298887161.html

    50 miles by car.

  43. This should be part of your PM links:

    Greece: Germany owes us 279 billion euros

    ROFLMFAO. The Greeks have turned into the Al Sharpton and Ta-Nehisi Coates of Europe.

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