A.M. Links: Obama Wants 10 Year Nuclear Freeze From Iran, Hillary Clinton Used a Personal E-Mail While Secretary of State, Monica Lewinsky's Shadow in Bill Clinton Portrait

• 

  National Portrait Gallery

  President Obama acknowledged a deal with Iran over its nuclear program remains a longshot, but says he would like it to include a ten-year freeze on all nuclear programs. Israeli Benjamin Netanyahu will address a joint session of Congress this morning to make the case against such a deal.

• When she served as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address and her aides made no effort to preserve those e-mails on government servers, as required by law.
• The portrait of Bill Clinton at the National Portrait Gallery includes a shadow of Monica Lewinsky's dress, which I think was white and gold. The artist says the Clintons want the painting removed but the gallery denies that.
• At least one Iranian commander is involved in the Iraqi operation to retake Tikrit from the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS). Meanwhile, more than 2,000 ISIS-linked accounts were banned on Twitter, leading the terrorist group to threaten Twitter's founder and employees.
• Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will play the president of the United States in Sharknado 3.
• Hookup app Tinder launched a premium service that charges more for users 30 and older.

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Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

When she served as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address...

How can this pioneer in recognizing the internet's danger to transparency get caught like this?

[Bam!]

The NSA has a copy of them.

[Drake]

Unreal. Wonder if any of this will get reported mainstream.

A competent Democratic opponent could bludgeon Hillary out of the race pretty easily at this point.

[Certified Public Asskicker]

Let's see what Gawker readers think:

1. Is this anything like when the entire Bush Administration (rather than just their Sec. of State) did the same thing , but about 22 million times over ?

I'm just asking so I can get some context...

2. Fuck her. Where's Martin O'Malley?

3. Good grief. Hope you didn't fuck it up for 2016, Hillary!

Damn Clintons... Too bad Obama can't run another term...

[NoVAHockey]

Ha. Martin O'Malley.

[Juice]

I laugh whenever someone brings him up as a presidential hopeful. Are you fucking serious?

[Palin's Buttplug]

Brian Schweitzer vs Rand Paul would be a great contest with real alternatives.

Instead it will be Hil vs Jeb #Americans lose again.

[Injun, as in from India]

Bush f***ed McCain twice - in the 2000 GOP primary and then in the 2008 presidential election (by ruining it for ANY GOP candidate by crappy performance as President).

History will repeat it self. Obama f***ed Hillary in the 2008 Donkey primary, and will ruin it for ANY Donkey candidate by crappy performance as President.

[NebulousFocus]

This seems correct.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

I, for one, am glad Bush fucked McCain, because I think he is a fucking whacko!

And I voted for him.

[Homple]

Out of curiosity, how bad do you think things were after 6 years of GWB vs. 6 years of BHO?

[Injun, as in from India]

IMHO, Year 6 of GWB was worse than Year 6 of Obama. Years 7-8 were even worse because of the financial crisis.

[Juice]

Obama has been pretty bad, but Bush was in his own league of awful.

[Rasilio]

Never underestimate the stupid parties ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

I don't care how bad Obama has done or who the donkies nominate the Republicans can always screw things up by nominating a hardcore socon whackjob like Santorum or Huckabee

[Heroic Mulatto]

Wonder if any of this will get reported mainstream.

I was surprised to see it as CNN's 2nd leading story. Of course, CNN's 2nd leading story means "10 point font on the upper right hand corner next to the 78 point bold font headline 'Netanyahu: Zionist Freemason Illuminati Lizard Person Shapeshifter or Shapeshifting Lizard Person Illuminati Freemason Zionist?'"

[Injun, as in from India]

FAKE SCANDAL!

[Suthenboy]

I remember Dick Cheney saying that he never touches a computer. He won't leave any kind of electronic trail of any kind.

Probably wise.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Or just "lose" 22 million email messages when the heat is on:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B.....ontroversy

[Certified Public Asskicker]

There we go!

[Idle Hands]

Why do you care CPA, Bush did it so it makes it okay.

[DontShootMe]

Maybe we can tie this to Jeb, and sink his bid once and for all.

[Juice]

Lots of hard drive crashes. The feds really should look into buying more reliable hardware.

[Puddin' Stick]

Seagate must be a major campaign donator.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Hello.

Tweet/story of the day Blue Jackets GM Kekelainen:

https://twitter.com/jkekalainen

[Fist of Etiquette]

So we're going to let 11-year-olds engineer our trades now?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

RECIPE FOR FEEL GOOD SUCCESS!

Sheeeiiit Fist. Where's your HUMANITY?

[Pope Jimbo]

Hah! Local sports radio was blabbing about this. Looks like Kekelainen was Tom Reagan and the Wild was Bernie Bernbaum.

http://tinyurl.com/n3nn824

[gaijin]

as required by law.

WDATPDIM?!?!?

[Fist of Etiquette]

...which I think was white and gold.

Can someone explain this controversy to me?

[Rich]

Sure. A third of the population is delusional.

[Idle Hands]

It was the ultimate troll job, it was White and Gold.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

When I saw that comment, I thought "Krayewski is a smart-ass, he's probably been posting here!"

[Heroic Mulatto]

Yes, we've just learned that qualia don't exist.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The portrait of Bill Clinton at the National Portrait Gallery includes a shadow of Monica Lewinsky's dress...

I think that's Vince Foster's suicide note with the ink drying on the mantel.

[Rich]

Nice.

[Catatafish]

That's his brain matter drying on the mantel, Fist.

[Libertarian]

This artist wouldn't last very long in Russia after doing the official Putin portrait.

[WTF]

I guess we'll see how long the Clinton portraitist lasts now that the Clintons have been publicly embarrassed by him.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

"Arkacide"

I loved reading the conspiracy stuff on the old boards.

[Wally]

that ain't ink

[kilroy]

Shouldn't that shadow be on it's knees?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Hookup app Tinder launched a premium service that charges more for users 30 and older.

Cougartown has a higher cost of living.

[Ted S.]

So what is the reasoning behind this? The Register article doesn't say.

[John C. Randolph]

Apparently, their VC backers threw in the towel on the "get all the users you can and sell the company to FB" plan.

-jcr

[MJGreen]

Check your lease, man. Because you're living in Fuck City.

[Rich]

includes a shadow of Monica Lewinsky's dress

Bull. That is *clearly* a shadow of Gennifer Flowers's dress.

[Palin's Buttplug]

ten-year freeze on all nuclear programs

WHY DOES OBAMA HATE ISRAEL?

[WTF]

First off, the retarded don't rule the night. They don't rule it. Nobody does. And they don't run in packs. And while they may not be as strong as apes, don't lock eyes with 'em, don't do it. Puts 'em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming "No, no, no" and all they hear is "Who wants cake?" Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

[Slammer]

Heh. My favorite thing about this is you have have it stored somewhere for an instant cut n paste.

[WTF]

Yeah, a Word document saved as "shreek".

[BiMonSciFiCon]

"When she served as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address and her aides made no effort to preserve those e-mails on government servers, as required by law."

Most transparent ever!

[WTF]

Laws are for the peasants, not the rulers!

[Drake]

I'm sure the Secretary of State never sends and receives secret or sensitive emails.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

Are you implying that [e-mail] might not be secure?

[DEG]

The portrait of Bill Clinton at the National Portrait Gallery includes a shadow of Monica Lewinsky's dress

He looks like he's about ready to say, "Kneel, it won't suck itself."

[Catatafish]

He ain't lyin'.

THIS TIME.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

He looks like he's about ready to say, "Kneel, it won't suck itself."

He always looks like that... Because he's aways ready to say that.

[Rhywun]

...He's the most interesting man in the world.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

He can parralel-park a train?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Meanwhile, more than 2,000 ISIS-linked accounts were banned on Twitter, leading the terrorist group to threaten Twitter's founder and employees.

Because all their account pics were of someone named Mohammed. That's not allowed.

[Doctor Whom]

The Tinder issue, like most things in the SJW parallel universe, is a matter of characterization. Is it ageism (bad), or is it charging more to a demographic that is more likely to be able to pay more (good)? Then again, I met my spouse the old-fashioned way, so I have no horse in that race.

[Libertarian]

Is your real name Matthew Brodderick?

[Ted S.]

Then again, I met my spouse the old-fashioned way,

You earned her?

[DEG]

Wife Stealing, it better be wife stealing.

[Ted S.]

I hope his wife is named Sabine.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

He hit her in the head with his club, and drug her to his cave?

/Fred and Wilma Whom

[gaijin]

+1 EF Hutton

[Libertarian]

Smith Barney, wasn't it?

[Ted S.]

Smith Barney with John Houseman.

When EF Hutton talks, people listen.

[gaijin]

d'oh. yes. Smith Baahnee

[Libertarian]

There are so many brokerage house names that don't exist anymore..........

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

My old favorite was Hornblower & Weeks, Hemphill-Noyes.

[Rich]

Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe

[BuSab Agent]

You hit her over the head with your club when your tribe was raiding the caves on the other side of the lake?

[Ted S.]

Ever was it the same

[Brett L]

The first two times I met my wife were at a bar and then at a fish fry-- which led to us going to another bar. Is that traditional?

[Ted S.]

You must be from Wisconsin.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

Ya hey dere! Marriage reception at the Supper Club.

[Brett L]

North FL. We were friends with a set of cousins. But not cousins, just friends with two people who happened to invite us separately to a family fish fry.

[Rasilio]

Bah, I met my wife in a sex chat room on irc

[Rhywun]

Is it ageism (bad), or is it charging more to a demographic that is more likely to be able to pay more (good)?

I'm wondering if it's even legal? If not, it's certainly tasteless - which I guess fits with the whole concept of the app.

[Rhywun]

Er, "if yes"

[BiMonSciFiCon]

"Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will play the president of the United States in Sharknado 3."

Subplot B revolves around corruption at the FCC and SEC.

[Injun, as in from India]

Subplot C will involve President Cuban vetoing a bill to take away the NFL's nonprofit status.

[CE]

People thought it was funny in Demolition Man when they talked about President Schwarzenegger, but that really happened.

[Rich]

When she served as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address

With all due respect, WTF *was* her SoS e-mail address? [e-mail]?

[Injun, as in from India]

[e-mail]

[Doctor Whom]

[e-mail]

[WTF]

[e-mail]

[Slammer]

[e-mail]

[Slammer]

Dammit!

[Andrew S.]

Nah. Yours was @aol.com. Hillary would be much more likely to use aol.com than gmail.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

I miss Compuserve

[Doctor Whom]

Please don't say you miss Prodigy.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

NO. Prodigy sucked.

[Andrew S.]

I miss Prodigy!

HNXW61A. How I still remember that, I don't know. It was easier than remembering the 743834,44321 (or something like that) logins for Compuserve.

[Puddin' Stick]

Prodigy is now SBC Yahoo!? if you still have a prodigy.net address, you can log into Yahoo with it.

[Banjos]

clintonemail.com

Specifically set up for her the same day as her Senate Hearings. This story gets better and better.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....-hearings/

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

[e-mail]

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

THat is a horrifying thought.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

[e-mail]

[CE]

[e-mail]?

[Injun, as in from India]

The portrait of Bill Clinton at the National Portrait Gallery includes a shadow of Monica Lewinsky's dress, which I think was white and gold. The artist says the Clintons want the painting removed but the gallery denies that.

It was not blue and black.
It was not white and gold.
It was blue with white stains.

[Andrew S.]

I hate you right now. I hate you a lot.

[Injun, as in from India]

You hate me?

THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW FOR THAT.

[Elspeth Flashman]

Eww! (someone had to say it).

[Slammer]

Obama wants a 10-year freeze.

Climate Change We Can Believe In!

[CE]

You know who else wanted a 10-year freeze?

[DEG]

Detroit isn't the only place with "cheap" fixer-uppers.

[Ted S.]

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will play the president of the United States in Sharknado 3.

Now if we can get Gatoroid vs. Megapython 2 to reunite Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

[Mike M.]

When she served as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address and her aides made no effort to preserve those e-mails on government servers, as required by law.

Even more devious that what Lisa Jackson, aka "Richard Windsor" was doing.

I suspect that most of the top democrats are pulling this shit, because they're pretty much all criminals.

[Palin's Buttplug]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B.....ontroversy

IT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!

[WTF]

"Let us turn the whole country into a socialist fairyland by the joint operation of the army and people!"

[Andrew S.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

I can picture you, when somebudy says something bad about the Lightbringer, sitting with your fingers in your ears and screaming "BUSH DID IT TOO! BUSH DID IT TOO!"

[John]

You can't even lie and defend it. You get more comical and pathetic as time goes.

[Pro Libertate]

I'm totally up for prosecuting people from the Bush administration, too. But, just like Bush, we shouldn't elect someone who we already know breaks the rules.

[NoVAHockey]

I take a break for awhile and see nothing has changed.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

Oh, he is actually dropping the pretenses more, lately. He is "Ready for Hillary!"

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

"Ready for Hillary!"

This makes me picture him getting prepared to be pegged.

[Monty Crisco]

Keep repasting the Wikipedia page, dipshit. No one here is DEFENDING Bush, crayon-nibbler. Everyone here would have indicted him for it as well, moron.

That is not what we are talking about - we are talking about the Mt Everest of corruption that is the current administration of which Hildebeast was a part.

Palin's Buttplug|2.25.15 @ 9:21AM|#
I am a radical classic liberal Ayn Rand supporter. Atheist/secularist, pro-gun, pro-capitalist, pro-recreational drugs, pro-prostitution, pro-euthanasia, pro-immigrant, pro-science.

Now, explain to me again how screaming "BOOOOOOOSH" and reflexively defending every POS democrat and constantly carrying Obama's water makes you "classically liberal"...

[Palin's Buttplug]

Because you Peanuts are acting like there is a "Mt Everest of corruption" for the first time ever! And that the GOP would be better....

Foolish Peanuts.

[Michael]

Does Aunt Hillary make you smell her fingers when you misbehave?

[Teenage Girl]

Eewww!!

[Monty Crisco]

Classical liberal right there, guys. Classical liberal. A regular Adam Smith...

[Juice]

And that the GOP would be better....

I didn't see anyone say that.

[tarran]

Jesus guys!

Watching you guys debate something that is the human equivalent of Eliza the Computer Psychotherapist is so depressing!

It's not sentient. It doesn't write "But Booosh!" because it genuinely has a concept it's trying to communicate! It's a random string of characters that it knows will produce a bumper crop of comments in response!

Daily it demonstrates it doesn't really comprehend any of the concepts that are being debated. It is so cognitively disabled as to not be sentient!!!! Yet you guys act like it's some human being!

You guys think you are driving it away by humiliatingly pwning it in arguments. But what's really happening is you are trying to repel a cockroach by giving it bowls of sugar.

[Irish]

This isn't even the worst thing Hillary did. Taking money from Saudi Arabia while serving as Secretary of State is vastly worse.

My favorite example: Hillary Clinton helped broker a deal between Algeria and General Electric while at State and GE just so happened to give her foundation $1,000,000.

That seems a bit...shady.

[The Last American Hero]

Hope and Change. Most Transparent Administration Ever.

[WTF]

And they know they will never be held to account.

[Rich]

Source of bad smell evades Louisville officials

dozens of people have called from different areas of the city that aren't normally associated with bad smells.

[Brett L]

As someone working in the smelly area of Houston, I empathize.

[Drake]

There's a non-smelly area of Houston? I assumed it was mass BO since that place was hot as fuck every time I've been there.

[Brett L]

This is the industrial smelly part. But we also have ahowers in this part of the world. But yeah, summers are funky.

[Ted S.]

TCM showed The Swarm yesterday, one of those 70s all-star disaster movies, this one about African killer bees invading Texas. The climax involved burning down half of Houston to try to kill the bees.

The movie is awful, but in the delightful, you'll be laughing at how bad it is way.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I remember watching that movie!

[Catatafish]

9 months out of the year it's actually quite nice. That other 3 months is something akin to the surface of the fucking sun though.

[Drake]

I was there once in April and was sweating my balls off while trying to do a business presentation.

[Unreconstructed]

Isn't that spelled "Pasadena"?

[Injun, as in from India]

Fracking!

Never mind that methane is odorless and the foul smell comes from stuff that EVUL KKKORPORATIONS add to the natural gas to take away its pristine organic-ness.

[WTF]

Walter White is running a meth cooking operation.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Now we know where SugarFree got his most recent story idea.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

"Planetoid Houston"

[WTF]

Otherwise known as the Texas balloon-knot.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

The Winking Brown Eye of the Lone Star State?

Brown Starfish o' Texas?

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

You just put a song in my head.

Bastard.

[SugarFree]

The University of Louisville campus used to get some funky odors from the horse rendering plant near Churchill Downs. Nothing like starting your school day with the smell of boiling horse meat.

[Rich]

the horse rendering plant

Nice band bar name.

[Catatafish]

Just think of all the glue that can be sniffed as a result of this though.

[robc]

I was in town last weekend and didnt notice anything.

But, my favorite is still than the new residents to the recently gentrified Butchertown neighborhood complaining about the smell from the one remaining slaughterhouse.

You live in fucking Butchertown, of course it smells like dead pig.

[SugarFree]

Maybe a Moby Dick exploded.

[robc]

I wont take you saying anything bad about the Dick.

[robc]

A few years ago, a food writer did a tour of fish sandwiches during lent, to determine the best in town. To his surprise, he determined that Moby Dick was on top.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

My first thought would be Mike Linnig's, but I don't think they actually do a fish sandwich?

[SugarFree]

I made an off-hand reference to MD the other day and a student asked if it was a strip club featuring fat white guys.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

New Business Model!

[EDG reppin' LBC]

The wife and I were in Louisville two years ago. We went to a restaurant, and when we got out of the car it smelled pretty awful. We then noticed the slaughterhouse across the street and it all made sense. Went inside and enjoyed delicious freshly slaughtered pork and, of course, bourbon.

[robc]

Blind Pig, I assume? Its closed now.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

Correct. Yeah, i saw it had closed on Yelp. We want to get back to Louisville for the Derby next year. Already researching restaurants/bars.

[robc]

BAR: Holy Grale for beer, hands down #1. One of best beer bars in America.

For liquor, lots of options.

[SugarFree]

I second Holy Grale, I always find something strange and fantastic. And the bar snacks are pretty good as well.

[Catatafish]

I think that place got written up in the United travel mag last month. Made me all nostalgic for my 3 years living in the Highlands.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

Excellent! It's been quite a while since I've been to that part of town. Now I have a reason to go.

[db]

I am going to have to hit that during my trip to The Creek next month.

[Ted S.]

Source of bad smell evades Louisville officials

That smell is called "Indiana".

[Catatafish]

Or Coach Cal is in town to recruit.

[EDG reppin' LBC]

His "musk" is stronger than the garlic and olive oil that Rick Pitino is pumping out?

[Catatafish]

You forgot the "15 seconds of illicit sex" smell, EDG.

That's my coach.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

"The artist says the Clintons want the painting removed but the gallery denies that."

There's a solution to that. Next time, don't act like a sleaze bucket while holding a prominent public office.

If true, these people make me laugh. They want to control and have power with none of the accountability. Shoot, at this point the artist should draw a sequel with Clinton waving his dick around Robo-Cock style.

[Palin's Buttplug]

What red-blooded male wouldn't look for some strange after 25 years with Hil-Dog?

[WTF]

"Let the strong wind of fish farming blow across the country!"

[BardMetal]

Ok I have to ask. Where did you come up with these quotes?

[Palin's Buttplug]

His pal Kim Jong Un the Son.

[WTF]

Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o' shit, or did you have to work on it?

[Libertarian]

I'll say this. When you're right, you're right.

[lap83]

But let's be honest PB, you don't empathize with him so much as Hillary when she stuck by his lying, sleazy ass for the good of the Team.

[Zeb]

I'm not sure that the official portrait is the right place to hold presidents accountable. Of course I'm not sure that an official portrait should be a thing at all. Since the invention of practical color photography, it's really just vanity.

I think that the Clintons should be upset more because the portrait just isn't that good.

[Andrew S.]

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will play the president of the United States in Sharknado 3.

Ann Coulter is going to play the Vice President. This may be more epically terrible than the first two, but I'm going to have to watch it.

[Injun, as in from India]

Ann Coulter is going to play the first transgendered Vice President.

[WTF]

"That's a man, baby!"

[Libertarian]

"Just three more hormone shots and I'm done! Why oh why was I ever against Obamacare?"

[Rich]

"If I said you had a nice body would you hold it against Obamacare?"

[Fist of Etiquette]

I think it's just nice to know Washington is paying attention to the plight of the little man being plagued by airborne sharks.

[CE]

Will Mark Cuban turn out to be a shark in disguise?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

"President Obama acknowledged a deal with Iran over its nuclear program remains a longshot, but says he would like it to include a ten-year freeze on all nuclear programs."

So all this fuss and energy spent while adding more stress to an already toxic political atmosphere over a long-shot?

Now that's leadership!

[gaijin]

acknowledged a deal with Iran over its nuclear program remains a longshot

Well if it doesn;t happen, then surely it will all be Bibi's fault for speaking to congress.

[WTF]

Rethuglican. Obstructionists.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

To both of you: Tried, tested and true: Blaming someone else is something Obama excels at and works well to his supporters and base it seems.

[WTF]

It also helps that he has the mainstream media generally advancing his preferred narrative as well.

[Rich]

These 'privacy glasses' make you invisible to facial recognition

So do these, and they're a lot cheaper.

[Libertarian]

NSA monitor: "Sir, we have a report that Eugene Levy is at the Los Angeles airport. No, wait. He's taking the elevator at the Space Needle. No......he's at Dulles now! Oh my god he just boarded the subway at Times Square!!!!"

[Zeb]

It really wouldn't cost much at all to stick some bright IR LEDs on some glasses frames. Kind of a clever idea.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

More and more I'm starting to believe the amoral and overly ambitious Claire Underwood is Hilary Clinton.

[Zeb]

I'm thinking that has to be part of the inspiration. In season 3 especially.

If anything the wife in the original British series was more evil, but didn't have much personal ambition besides getting a comfortable retirement.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

It's insane how driven they are.

Even when not wanted they scheme and scam.

[SugarFree]

Warty Hugeman and The Endless Asshole: A Warty Hugeman Time Travel Adventure: Part 5 (of 6)

Even with being forced to dodge the occasional pulsing surface veins and avoid anal crevasses large enough to swallow a thousand time-traveling strongmen, the pair made good time. Within two hours they were at the puckered center of the titanic butthole.

"Once we slip through the anus itself, the sigmoid colon should be empty enough for us travel freely," Warty said. "Hold still, Simon."

Warty used the enormous reserves of the timesuit to spray Simon with a thick coating of industrial grade lube and then himself with the same.

"Are you ready?" he asked Simon.

Simon nodded and then ran toward the center of the sphincter, building up as much speed as he could on the hot, rubbery flesh. With a cry he jumped and executed a perfect swan dive into the anus. He stopped at his shoulders.

"Simon?" Warty transmitted. "Are you OK?"

"I am undamaged, Warty Hugeman. But I cannot move. This anus is tighter than either of us could have ever imagined."

"I'm coming, Simon," Warty told him.

Warty had to stifle a laugh. Simon's legs and torso stuck straight up in the air.

"Do you want me to pull you out?" Warty asked. "We could try again somewhere else. There a kilometer of sphincter to choose from."

"I do not think so, Warty Hugeman. Please attempt to push me through. I believe the pressure is lower just a few meters below me, but I can find no purchase against the rectal walls."

[SugarFree]

"OK, Simon."

Warty Hugeman pushed downward on Simon's feet, but the angle was awkward and the surface under his feet treacherous.

"Simon, I have an idea. Retract your genitalia and then armor your crotch," Warty told him.

Simon was silent for a long moment. "Uh, OK, Warty Hugeman. You may proceed."

Warty pried apart Simon's legs and put his right foot in Simon's crotch and then stood up on the one leg. The beginnings of a strangled cry was cut off when the transmitter link went dead.

"You OK, Simon? Simon?"

"Proceed," was all Simon said.

Warty steadied himself on Simon's feet and then jumped as high as he could and came down on Simon's crotch. He moved a few inches deeper into the rectum. Warty jumped again and again and again, coming down on Simon's crotch with as much force as he could manage. When Simon's pubic area was firmly in the anus, Warty began pounding Simon's feet with his massive fists until they disappeared.

"Simon? Are you through? Is there a way into the sigmoid colon?"

Simon answered after a full minute. "Yes, Warty Hugeman. I was able to claw my way through."

"OK, I'll be down in a minute."

Warty thrust his hands in the anal opening that was still visible from Simon's passage and pulled the walls apart far enough to sink into to his waist. And then bracing his lower back, he brought his knees to his chest and pushed out with his feet. The anal fissure grew wide enough for him to be able to crabwalk down into the unknown spaces below.

[SugarFree]

Warty laughed when he finally was able to drop down next to Simon.

"I don't know how we are going to get back out," Warty said, "but at least that part is over."

"I'm glad to see you didn't have the same difficulties as I did."

"You totally loosened it up for me, Simon."

Previous episodes

[gaijin]

a thousand time-traveling strongmen

Which i initially read as 'time-travelling semen'...see what you and your witchcrafty prose have done to my mind?!

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

That which is read, can never be unread.

[Elspeth Flashman]

Laughing so hard the desk is shaking! /wheeze laugh

[Fist of Etiquette]

I don't understand. There's a kilometer of sphincter but they're having trouble penetrating?

[WTF]

Because the sphincter muscle is also massive.

[SugarFree]

I'm not happy with that either, but I couldn't find that there was word for the actual meeting of the sides of the anus as it holds itself closed.

[tarran]

Before you were born there was no need for such a word.

[Zeb]

"I couldn't find that there was word"

Are you having a stroke?

[SugarFree]

Nyet. It is speak like Russian Day. You not get memo?

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

In Putin's Russia, Day speak like you!

[Catatafish]

I don't know exactly what it says about me that reading this has actually made my day better.

[Rich]

students found the teacher hanging

Now, *that* is an anti-bullying lesson.

R.I.P.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

Read that as placenta teacher at first

[Rich]

Probably part of why she did herself in.

[Ted S.]

This thread has an absence of malice.

[Derpetologist]

Spot the Not with Catholic League President Bill Donohue!

1. The vast majority of the victims are post pubescent. That's not pedophilia buddy. That's homosexuality.

2. They don't want to be told anything, which is why they die prematurely, they're unhappy, that's why we have a disproportionate number of agnostics and atheists in the asylum, all of this is true.

3. Jews had better not make enemies of their Catholic friends since they have so few of them.

4. The whole purpose of marriage is to have a family. It's not about making people happy. It's not about love.

5. On this day, we stand united once more. On this day, those driven to divide us will hear our voice. On this day, we shall act as one, and we shall be ignored NO MORE!

6. Catholics and other Christians together, we are going to move to the front of the bus and take command of the wheel.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

Too derpy for me. Where's Eddie?

[Irish]

Three

[WTF]

Gonna go with 5.

[robc]

6. I figure he doesnt acknowledge Protestants as Christian.

[SugarFree]

5

[Libertarian]

5

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

Yeah, 5. Sounds like Jesse Jackson to me.

[Rich]

Good grief.

Ima say "Trick question -- No one could say *any* of this crap."

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

Do NOT underestimate Donohue's derp reserves.

[Rich]

*** takes deep breath ***

Very well. 6.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

5

[tarran]

5

[Monty Crisco]

Gotta be five... seems out of place with the others...

[Andrew S.]

3, because I'm sure that if he'd actually said 3, it would've made the news and my mom would've been shrieking to me about it.

[Derpetologist]

Wrong!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rosieg.....ter-not-ma

[Catatafish]

"I do not have a long nose."

(facepalm)

[Derpetologist]

No more bets! No more bets!

The Not was 5. That is from Scolar Visari, ruler of the planet Helghast in the hit video game Killzone.

[Rhywun]

Too easy. It was the only one not taking a dump on any of his perceived enemies.

[Monty Crisco]

Aye

[Catatafish]

Three?

[Monty Crisco]

NIXON?!?!?

[Slammer]

NYPD blames homicides on pot.

NYPD Stats Show Homicides, Shootings Up This Year

The NYPD says the use of marijuana is a big business and has become a big problem. Police say a lot more people are getting shot and killed over pot, compared to cocaine and heroin.

"We are not seeing that type of issue, that type of violence related to those other drugs, but we are seeing it with marijuana," said Police Commissioner Bratton.

In fact, police say seven people have been killed so far this year because of drugs and all were because of weed.

"These are all rip offs, these are not turf battles. These are rip offs of marijuana dealers, robberies. That's where we're coming from," said NYPD Chief of Detectives Robert Boyce.

The solution is staring them in the fucking face.

[SugarFree]

Their services weapons are staring them in the face?

[Injun, as in from India]

The solution is staring them in the fucking face.

More funding for the DEA?

[Slammer]

I liked this, too:

The NYPD is considering putting extra resources in those troubled areas. It's also already looking at where more officers should go for the summer months.

Vacations out of the city, hopefully.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

They're going to investigate marijuana smuggling in Bermuda.

[Zeb]

seven people have been killed so far this year because of drugs and all were because of weed

Um, I'm pretty sure that they were because of something else.

How the fuck can people make these observations and still think that prohibition isn't completely evil? No one is getting killed because of drugs.

[Drake]

Obama looking for ways to raise taxes through Executive Actions. Whenever I think he can't get any worse...

http://townhall.com/tipsheet/c.....n-n1964629

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

On Bernie Sander's recommendations. Let anyone who thought Bernie was a well-intentioned little shit take note.

[Injun, as in from India]

Hey! He's a Professor of Constitutional Law. He's better educated and enlightened than all of us. STFU and obey.

[Auric Demonocles]

I'm on day 4 of attempting to get my hiking permit for this fall. This process is retarded. Why are they still using fax in 2015?

[SugarFree]

Why do you need a hiking permit?

[DEG]

Fuck you, that's why!

[Rich]

"You'll need a fucking permit for that, Sir."

[robc]

That which is not permitted is forbidden.

[SugarFree]

It was mostly a rhetorical question, but if it is on public land and Auric is a citizen, why should he need a permit?

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

STEVE SMITH NOW DEPUTY FOREST RANGER - NO PERMIT MEANS RAPE, RAPE, RAPITY, RAPE RAPE!

[SugarFree]

STEVE SMITH MAKE YOU HIKE YOUR ORGANS BACK OUT!

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

ALSO, PERMIT MEANS RAPE, RAPE, RAPITY, RAPE RAPE!

[Drake]

Don't even think about putting on that backpack before you have permission!

[Injun, as in from India]

Where in the constitution does it say that you have an inalienable right to hike?

[robc]

9th amendment.

[Injun, as in from India]

Dude, the only meaningful words in the constitution are "general welfare". Everything else is just fluff that can be ignored.

[sarcasmic]

Dude, the only meaningful words in the constitution are "general welfare".

Not quite. Here's my abridged version of the constitution: "The federal government can do anything necessary and proper to regulate commerce and promote the general welfare."

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

I think "necessary and proper" are superfluous, and should be replaced with "it wants".

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

You forgot the Commerce Clause!

[Injun, as in from India]

Both of my comments were instances of sarcasm, btw.

[The Last American Hero]

Because if there is too much traffic on the trail, you can ruin the fragile eco-system. Some trails also have a limited number of camp sites, so a permit system is needed to manage traffic.

[Pope Jimbo]

I know in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area they limit the number of entry permits so that the park isn't overwhelmed with paddlers (canoe paddlers, you perv).

There are only so many campsites in the park and if people went in en masse, it would lead to jack asses camping everywhere and fucking up the park.

I bet the trail Auric is trying to get on is the same. If there was no permit process you would end up with 140,000 loonies on the 4th of July.

It sucks because the park rangers tend to be conservative in their park permits and because they do tend to use old fucked up technology still. However, it is nice to make people put some skin in the game so you don't end up with a tragedy of the commons situation.

[John]

A permit to hike?

[Auric Demonocles]

Hooray for national parks.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

I can see the argument that it is necessary to cap the number of people they allow into the parks for hiking to prevent overcrowding and damage due to littering.

But of course that doesn't excuse the apparently byzantine process Auric is going through.

[NoVAHockey]

where?

[Auric Demonocles]

John Muir Trail in California. It starts in Yosemite and heads south to Mt Whitney.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

Last I heard, they were trying to limit access to that trail by reducing the number of available permits.

[Auric Demonocles]

Yeah, they're capped at 45 permits per day, which they give out on a lottery basis. That's not what is pissing me off. It's that I have to use fax (which has been broken/busy for about 60% of the past 4 days), I can only submit for 1 day in the lottery at a time, and I can only submit in a few hour window each day. Oh, and the denial emails (yes, they email that part) don't come out until after the next day's lottery entry time has ended.

Jesus, just let me fill out one web form to enter me for all of my desire dates. Or let me outbid the unemployed college kids that I'm mostly competing with.

[Auric Demonocles]

To add, the permit is $10. Maybe if they bothered to increase the price they wouldn't have 10x the applications they are willing to accept.

[Monty Crisco]

Or you could just, you know, go hike the goddamn trail (becuase you have, you know, PAID for it) and when someone says "Peppers, plizzz", you can tell them to fuck off and leave you alone and dare them to arrest you.
Which would be principled.

[Auric Demonocles]

Oh yes, that sounds like a brilliant idea.

[Monty Crisco]

Didn't say "brilliant". Just said "principled". You know, a little bit of civil disobedience in the face of the bureaucratic juggernaut seeking to restrict your freedom.

[Auric Demonocles]

Update: I have now been getting a busy signal for 2.5 hours. The lottery entries for today close in 7 minutes.

[Monty Crisco]

Feature, NOT A BUG!

[PM]

8th grade student gets suspended for handing out publicly-available state testing opt-out forms to parents

Adelina Silva, an 8th-grader at Capshaw, said she was handing out the opt-out forms Thursday when suddenly staff stepped in.

"They started pulling the fliers out from the kids' hands," she said.

That's when Silva said he was pulled in to the principal's office.

"And I was waiting there for over an hour and 20 minutes wasting my class time."

The form she was handing out is available on the Santa Fe Public School's website.

...

KRQE News 13 wanted comment on the 8th-grader claiming she was punished for handing out opt-out forms. Santa Fe Public Schools did not get back to us. Ellvinger said that as of 4 p.m. Thursday, her daughter, Adelina, had been suspended for one day.

[SugarFree]

She should just count herself lucky she didn't get a Justice Thomas-style strip search.

[PM]

At least the school is preparing the kids for the realities of adult life.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

+1 Ass Advil

[Zeb]

In case she had more forms secreted in her underpants?

[Rich]

Let the lawsuits begin.

[Juice]

"It's ridiculous," she said of PARCC "Our children's education is being based off a test."

So....the same as it's been forever?

[robc]

Update from a few weeks ago on Jimmy D's BBQ and Self Storage.

Went for both...the BBQ is excellent and cheap. The Self Storage is cheap. We ended up not needing it, but their prices were good.

Ive been back for just the BBQ.

[robc]

As we didnt purchase any, I cant state anything about the quality of the self storage.

[Derpetologist]

Fun facts from today's Sowell column:

In reality, women were far better represented in professional occupations in the first three decades of the 20th century than in the middle of that century. Women received a larger share of the postgraduate degrees necessary for such careers in the earlier era than in the 1950s and 1960s.

The proportion of women among the high achievers listed in "Who's Who in America" in 1902 was more than double the proportion listed in 1958. The decline of women in high-level careers occurred when women's age of marriage and child-bearing declined during the mid-century "baby boom" years.

The later rise of women began when the age of marriage and child-bearing rose again. In 1972 women again received as high a proportion of doctoral degrees as they had back in 1932.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Link to it?

[Derpetologist]

http://jewishworldreview.com/c.....30315.php3

[sarcasmic]

New video emerges of LA cops dragging homeless man from his Skid Row tent just moments before he was shot dead in street confrontation

New footage shows man retreating into his tent after 'speaking' to officers
The man is then shown being dragged from the tent by the police
Violent altercation then ensues - which ends up with him being shot dead
Police officials claim he was killed after trying to take an officer's gun
But witnesses have disputed whether the man ever reached for the weapon
Skid Row dweller was apparently called Booth, but known locally as 'Africa'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....-tent.html
I wonder why the cops aren't releasing the body cam video. No, actually. I don't.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

Thanks for the early nutshot 🙁

[Rufus J. Firefly]

If there's anything 'The Wire' taught me is that reform is not likely possible in a dysfunctional cess pool of incompetence and corruption.

Not possible.

[sarcasmic]

The girl who gets gifts from CROWS: Eight-year-old leaves food for birds and they bring her beads and pendants in return

Gabi Mann lives in Seattle, Washington, where local crows bring her gifts
The birds began following her after finding she accidentally dropped food
In 2013 she began leaving food for the neighbourhood crows in her garden
The birds have brought her more than 70 beads, buttons and piece of metal
Her most prized present is a heart-shaped pendant left on the feeding table
Another of her favourites is half a friendship pendant with the word 'best'
Experts say the birds may be bringing her presents as they would a mate

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci.....eturn.html

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

Crows are smart. Don't ever piss one off. They'll follow you around and tell their friends.

http://news.discovery.com/anim.....110628.htm

[Pope Jimbo]

They are smart. That is why hunting them can be a lot of fun.

I know that if me or my boys step out on the deck all the crows vacate the tree in my back yard because they know that we will probably take a shot at them with the pellet gun. (with the exception being the first couple of weeks in the spring when there are young dumb ones in the tree who don't get it yet).

If my wife or daughter go out they just sit there.

[Bam!]

Cynics say her parents are screwing with her.

[Libertarian]

This would be cool to me today. I can't imagine how cool it is for an 8 year old.

[sarcasmic]

I agree.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

How long before a neighbor complains or a bureaucrat shuts her down?

This being Washington and all.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

"This is Animal Control - cease and desist!"

[gaijin]

THe girl (or her parents) will also be charged with receiving stolen property.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

Oooh, good one!

*WA cops prepare flash-bangs and armor up*

[The Last American Hero]

Do they bring her news from The Wall?

[Monty Crisco]

HA!!
+1 Sword in the Darkness

[Jordan]

Members of U.S. Commission on Civil Rights Criticize OCR Overreach

Since the release of the infamous April 2011 "Dear Colleague" letter, FIRE has argued that the Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights' (OCR's) guidance on Title IX misstates the law and exceeds the agency's authority. Last July, FIRE President Greg Lukianoff testified before the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights about the threats to civil rights posed?ironically?by OCR's overreach. Last week, two of the commissioners wrote to key members of Congress to express the same concern.

Finally some pushback against this bullshit.

[PM]

FIRE has argued that the Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights' (OCR's) guidance on Title IX misstates the law and exceeds the agency's authority.

Although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority...

[PM]

DNA analysis has revealed evidence for a massive migration into the heartland of Europe 4,500 years ago

Data from the genomes of 69 ancient individuals suggest that herders moved en masse from the continent's eastern periphery into Central Europe.

These migrants may be responsible for the expansion of Indo-European languages, which make up the majority of spoken tongues in Europe today.

Something something, illegal immigration - I'm too tired to come up with the setup.

[Drake]

Look where open borders got the Neanderthals.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

You know who else moved en masse into Central Europe?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Jews?

[WTF]

The Romans?

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

Allied Forces?

[Drake]

The Holy League of 1684?

[B.P.]

Up With People?

[CE]

The Greeks? The Huns? The pink pieces in Risk, after starting in Western Australia?

[Derpetologist]

Bonus Spot the Not: controversial Catholic priest Father Michael Pfleger!

1. On August 12, 2004, 3 visitors came to me, Crlll, Alomar, and Saad, they healed me. They came from Zeta Reticuli. I had not seen them since I was a child. They don't age at all. Anyway, they told me the game is almost over.
Those that truly love you are coming together for you. They are passing the Great Test.

2. We're going to find you and snuff you out? you know you're going to hide like a rat. You're going to hide but like a rat we're going to catch you and pull you out.

3. Dr. Wright is one of the great biblical scholars of our country and the best of preachers in the prophetic tradition. Dr. Wright has been shamefully demonized by 30 second sound bites that have tried to re-define him into someone other than who he is.

4. We are not paying money to gather in a peaceful assembly.
If they don't want us there, they should vote Riverdale gun-free.

5. I regret the words I chose on Sunday. These words are inconsistent with Senator Obama's life and message, and I am deeply sorry if they offended Senator Clinton or anyone else who saw them

6. It only makes sense if our children's self-esteem and self-confidence are developed in their grammar school years, that we also have a full-time African-American studies teacher.

[Swiss Servator... Switzy!]

1

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

1

[Catatafish]

1, but I kinda hope that nutbag said it.

[Derpetologist]

The Not is 1. That is a quote from Paa Munzul Nazdur Amun Nub Reakh Ptah Shil Paa Hanutu aka Dwight York. He founded a black muslim UFO religion. He also had a record label.

[OldMexican]

So Long, And Thanks For All The Lies And Scaremongering: Dr. Pachauri's Ignominious Exit Through The Back Door

This absurd figure, with his PhD in the economics of railway engineering, should never have been given the IPCC job in the first place, writes Christopher Booker

But above all, Pachauri, with the looks of a pantomime villain, should have resigned when, in 2010, the super-scary IPCC report over which he presided in 2007 was shown ? not least by this column and by the assiduous researchers of my co?author, Richard North ? to have been full of wildly unscientific errors emanating from green activists.

When we traced its claim that the Himalayan glaciers would have all but melted by 2035 to an obscure Indian scientist quoted by WWF (a claim so mad that even the IPCC had to withdraw it), we were even more amazed to find that Pachauri had hired the man responsible to be Teri's chief glacier expert.

He may now finally have gone, But the damage he did to the IPCC's credibility as a serious scientific body is irreparable. What a pity the politicians of the West, led by President Obama and our own here in Britain, still don't seem to have noticed.

[Injun, as in from India]

The guy needs a haircut. I'm thinking of starting a kickstarter campaign for him.

[Matrix]

Dammit, OM, when will you understand that THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED?!

[Sevo]

I was wrong about the Chron's coverage of Shrillery's email. I figured Pg6, below the fold.
It got the facing Pg7, top of the page!

[OldMexican]

Well, that's something. Usually they bury those stories well inside the bird-cage liners.

[Raston Bot]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....-a-permit/

States loosening/dropping requirements for conceal carry.

These victories have been hard-wrung. "Even if a majority of the legislature or the governor might be in favor of concealed-carry laws, it's generally agreed that having some sort of training or background check is really important," said Brian Malte, the national policy director for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence.

With their reliance on polling, gun control proponents are coming off a bit prostrate lately.

[Zeb]

The stupidest thing about this debate is that people seem to believe that lack of a piece of paper stops anyone from carrying a concealed weapon if they really want to. Especially if they are the sort of people who would use it for criminal purposes.

[BigT]

Global warming strikes LA.

Pea-sized hail hits Huntington Beach.

[Brett L]

Holy shit. Southern California-- Beautiful weather or hell on earth.

[Bobarian (hyphenated-american)]

Seemed like this was always part of the multi-year cycle in SoCal, don't know how that synchs with El Nino/La Nina, but drought years, wet years, and weird years between.

[Zeb]

Well, hail really is a warm weather thing.

That's a lot of hail.

[maryjaneromeo]

I started with my online business I earn $58 every 15 minutes. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don't check it out.
For information check this site. ????? http://www.jobsfish.com

[GILMORE]

"When she served as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address and her aides made no effort to preserve those e-mails on government servers, as required by law."

[e-mail]

[khaniam]

My last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My sisters friend has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out. This is what I do,
http://www.wixjob.com

[noukica]

I've made $64,000 so far this year working online and I'm a full time student. I'm using an online business opportunity I heard about and I've made such great money. It's really user friendly and I'm just so happy that I found out about it. Heres what I've been doing,
http://www.work-mill.com