ISIS Claims Airstrike Killed American, Fort Hood Victims Qualify for Purple Hearts, Harvard Bans Sex Between Professors, Students: P.M. Links

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  • Kayla Mueller ||| The Mueller Family
    Source: The Mueller Family

    ISIS claims that an airstrike by Jordan in Syria has killed American aid worker Kayla Mueller, 26, whom they had kidnapped. The Jordanian government is skeptical, and American officials are investigating the claims.

  • Victims in the Fort Hood massacre of 2009 will receive Purple Hearts after all. Initially the attacks were described as "workplace violence," and the 13 people killed after Army psychiatrist Nidal Hasan opened fire on the post were denied the honor. Congress then passed legislation expanding the eligibility guidelines.
  • The White House has outlined a new National Security Strategy for the final two years of President Barack Obama's term. Ed Krayewski noted the world police posturing of it all here.
  • In yet another example of Americans having to deal with benefits being scaled back in the workplace, Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.
  • Shiite rebels have completed their takeover of Yemen and dissolved parliament.
  • Pope Francis says it's okay to spank children, as long as you do so with dignity and do not demean them. They'll have to wait until they're adults to find somebody to demean them while spanking them, the way God intended.

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  1. Pope Francis says it’s okay to spank children, as long as you do so with dignity and do not demean them.

    In Catechism they always told me that I shouldn’t spank it. CLASSY JOKE ALERT!

    1. Hello.

    2. But you told them that it was your solemn duty as an altar boy, right?

      1. It’s the priest who spanks the altar boy.

      2. What happens under the cassock stays under the cassock. Mostly.

        1. +1 pitched tent

    3. Related:

      Two nuns were sitting on a park bench when suddenly a flasher ran by. One of the nuns had a stroke. The other one couldn’t reach that far.

    4. Proverbs 13:24

      1. Like Moses, things are better when my staff is up.

        1. It’s a good thing we have so many young men in this country who were never spanked by their fathers…obviously, they turned into productive, law-abiding citizens and there is no cause for worry!

              1. “these scores were slightly lower among children whose *mothers* reported using spanking as a form of discipline.”

                [emphasis added]

      2. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

    5. winner

  2. ISIS claims that an airstrike by Jordan in Syria has killed American aid worker Kayla Mueller, 26, whom they had kidnapped. The Jordanian government is skeptical, and American officials are investigating the claims.

    I’d rather die in a US airstrike than at the hands of those barbarians.

    1. Shiite rebels have completed their takeover of Yemen and dissolved parliament.

      So what? It was a parliament of whores anyway.

    2. I’d certainly rather die in an airstrike than be decapitated or set on fire.

      1. Just pointing out that there’s a good chance of getting set n fire and/or decapitated by an air strike.

    3. My thoughts too. It is terrible that she died, but if they took out some of her captors at the same time, isn’t that better than them using her for extortion, then beheading her or burning her alive?

      1. I haven’t seen anyone suggesting this but maybe I’ve missed it. Especially since she seems to be the only casualty of this particular attack, couldn’t they have already killed her, and just used the opportunity to put her carcass in the rubble? I think they would believe that makes them look better and that her death was Jordan’s fault, not theirs.

    4. “Hey, you killed our human shield, you barbarians!”

    5. They said she is dead. We don’t know that she is dead. I’m guessing she would be better off that way. I don’t want to even think about the alternative for her given these scumbags track record.

    6. the blood is still on their hands. It’s not that difficult to see that.

      1. Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

      2. Oddly, if you point out that the deaths of civilians from US bombs rests at the hands of the aggressors (ISIS and AQ), then you are a Brown Baby Killer in the eyes of the peacenazis.

        1. well, it’s regrettable and should be avoided, but if they keep innocent hostages as body armor to protect themselves this will unfortunately happen.

        2. We kicked your ass in 1812 and we’ll do it again!

          1. *hides*

    7. We do not know that ISIS would have killed her, but they have killed numerous women and children already, so I have no reason to think they would not have done so.

      Further, we do not know what has been done to her during captivity. Given the track record of ISIS, there is nothing I would rule out.

    1. Oh my god I love the Guardian.

    2. Somebody like to pee sitting down.

      1. SITZPINKEL! SCHNELL!

        1. That would get in the way of a surprising amount of German porn.

      2. Liking or preferring it is one thing, insisting that it’s the only way to go is pretty petty-totalitarian.

    3. “The thing is, I’d happily trade in my male privilege for a world without them. I’m 35 years old and have never knowingly used one. Now I find such matters phenomenally difficult to discuss, and struggle to utter even the gentlest euphemism concerning the expulsion of bodily waste. But all it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to say nothing ? and as urinals are evil in porcelain, I feel a duty to let it all out.”

      “Whether trough or bowl, the urinal subjects a man to the most wretched of indignities, to which we have become so inured that any deviation from the norm is considered effete. The urinal is inconsistent with civilisation: there is something barbarous about expecting men to expose themselves and carry out such a tender operation before others, especially while maintaining conversations with ostentatiously unembarrassed neighbours. And don’t give me that “it’s just a natural bodily function” nonsense: you don’t leave the door open when you’re in the cubicle, do you? (Do you ? ?)”

      This guy must be fun at parties.

      1. They staple a “Kick Me” sign to his trousers and he spends the night sidling along with his back to the walls.

      2. I’m 35 years old and have never knowingly used one.

        “Knowingly”, eh? Because he’s always sat on them?

      3. 1. If you can’t whip it out an pee on command then you’re not a man.

        2. Who the hell talks to their ‘neighbors’ at a urinal?

        1. “Hey there, that’s a nice penis, neighbo[u]r.”

        2. Who the hell talks to their ‘neighbors’ at a urinal?

          It’s depressingly common at my office. For most of them, it’s the only social interaction they get. Anything beyond a quick “hey”, or at worst a “stop by my office” is entirely unnecessary.

          1. “Having a nice pee?”

        3. Check your cisgender privilege, Sir!

      4. He thinks sitting down on a public toilet is more hygienic than not touching anything while peeing in a public toilet?

        1. Yeah, I could introduce him to some women who would *love* to be able to use a urinal.

      5. If the she in question is strong down in her bits, she can squeeze a stream. Oh yes, some girls can use a urinal.

        1. About 30 years ago in Chicago some woman started a company that made disposable paper funnels for women to carry in their purses, which they could use to pee standing up. They must have had some good seed money, because they were advertising them on the side of city buses. But apparently they never went anywhere.

          I thought it was a good idea, not sure why it didn’t catch on. Perhaps if it had, we wouldn’t always hear the crap about putting the seat down.

        2. I have seen it done. She didn’t spill a drop.

          On the other hand, I have also seen poorly executed attempts to squat-pee in the woods end comically.

          So, YMMV, I suppose.

      6. “you don’t leave the door open when you’re in the cubicle, do you? (Do you ? ?)””

        I worked for the brits for 9 years. One of the things Americans laughed about in the UK, and which brits whinged about in the US…

        ..was that ‘toilet stalls’ in the US are basically just like ‘screens’ where feet are visible and panel gaps are wide…

        …while in the UK (and elsewhere i suppose) they’re like hermetically sealed cabins. The brits initially reacted to US public toilets like they were being subjected to rural indian Squat Holes.

        In a bizarre twist however – bars/clubs in the UK frequently featured metal ‘piss-troughs’ rather than individual urinals. Yanks in the UK often wondered why they weren’t more popular over here. I started seeing them in NYC some years later, but they still aren’t quite as ubiquitous.

        I suspect Guardian-guy is trolling.

        1. Stadiums used to have piss-troughs. I don’t understand why they lost popularity – they’re a lot more space-efficient and you can play Ghostbusters while you pee.

          1. Total protonic reversal!

          2. Indianapolis motor Speedway, the last haven of the piss trough, piss gutter, and any other communal pissing arrangement. When you congregate a quarter million drunk dudes in the same space, urinals don’t do the trick.

          3. Potty Parity.

            See “Stadiums and Feminists in Florida”

          4. The continuous water consumption to wash them out is probably the issue.

        2. Octoberfest has long troughs- you stand there and, by your feet, below is running a stream of piss from about 80 guys upstream who rented a couple liters of beer too.

    4. Jesus, dude, just cut it off already.

    5. He’s put way too much thought into this. Does he also want to ban twist-off bottle tops and drinking straight liquor?

    6. I’ve heard of penis envy.

      Either this guy has penis envy, or he has penis guilt… I’m not sure which it is. But given his name is Peter is hilarious since he wrote this ridiculous article.

    7. HOW DO INSANE PEOPLE KEEP GETTING PUBLISHED? Is it just about trolling everyone all the time?

    8. To a liberal, getting men to piss sitting down is a sign of *Evolution*

    9. TL;DR

      “I have a tiny dick.”

  3. In yet another example of Americans having to deal with benefits being scaled back in the workplace, Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.

    Are hot graduate students okay?

    1. At Harvard?

      1. Outside of the STEM fields, aren’t they hot?

        1. Not to my knowledge. There might be some outliers, though.

        2. Outside of the STEM fields, aren’t they hot?

          I bet its Jurassic Park in the gender studies department.

    2. Really? But how will Harvard retain all of those professors?

        1. But they already have that in the student body. Why bring in outside talent?

          1. Don’t they get to go to Rhode Island where hooking’s legal as part of their tenured benefits package?

      1. Especially now that the have to contribute a modest amount to their healthcare costs!!!

        1. Oh, dear, who pays for the contraceptives now?

      2. Make tenure like the Hotel California – you can check out any time you like but you can never leave.

  4. ISIS claims that an airstrike by Jordan in Syria has killed American aid worker Kayla Mueller, 26, whom they had kidnapped.

    “So you can’t count this one on us, guys.”

  5. …Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.

    What do you think? Chemical castration for the fellas and chastity belts for the gals?

    1. If a teacher has sex with a student, he should be Abelarded.

      Look it up.

      1. What the Heloise?

  6. Between the two seminal sci-fi flicks of the late 90s (The Fifth Element and The Matrix), is Chris Tucker’s performance the only thing that keeps Element from being more critically acclaimed?

    1. ???

    2. I always liked the 5th Element. I still get hooked if I am channel surfing and run across it.

      1. I like it better than The Matrix…up until Chris Tucker shows up.

        1. Was there anyone in that movie besides Milla Jovovich?

          1. ^^THIS^^^

          2. Milla is the reason I’ve seen every resident evil movie.

            1. And a terrible version of the three musketeers.

              She played Alice in a 16th century gown.

              1. And they had the blimp airforce at the end.

                /spoiler.

              2. Was that the one with Chris odonnel?

                1. No, but it has Christoph Waltz playing a French cardinal with a German accent.

                  1. Ray Stevenson plays Portos too IIRC. I still have no idea how we ended up in that theater. Whoever decided to financially back that movie must really love steam punk.

                    It’s pretty dreadful.

            2. Milla is the reason I’ve seen every resident evil movie.

              The only reason, fellow Floridian.

          3. My 11 year old surely perked up at her entrance in the movie. He looked at me and I gave the silent nod.

          4. Needed less tape

          5. Was there anyone in that movie besides Milla Jovovich?

            There was that blue opera singer.

      2. Ditto – and I think Chris Tucker is hilarious in the movie!

        1. It’s the one movie I will always leave on if I come across it.

          1. What about shawshank redemption, derp? Damn I get sucked into that movie everytime it’s on.

            1. It’s a fine movie, but there’s no Milla.

              1. She can’t be in everything. Or can she?
                *googles how to Photoshop movies*

                1. Just ask George Lucas to do it.

                  Second thought, he’d leave Milla out and put ewoks in.

                  1. Ow. That gave me a coughing fit.
                    /damn cold

              2. It’s a fine movie, but there’s no Milla.

                There’s cameos by Rita Hayworth and Raquel Welch.

                Good stuff!

          2. That and Face Off. Also, Con Air (but I think that’s been said before here).

            1. Hm. *gets out Tulpa detector*

              1. He’s real.

              2. Put that thing away! Tulpa probably has nothing but bad things to say about the 5th Element.

                Time to start commenting more it seems.

            2. My brother-in-laws love face off.
              “Peach. I could eat a peach for hours.”
              So dumb.

            3. I have trouble suspending belief enough to enjoy Con Air.

              I’m supposed to believe a Texas Jury convicted a soldier for beating a bum to death? I’m just not buying it.

              1. I thought it was Alabama?

              2. It’s Nicholas Cage. He probably started screaming nonsense about “Beeeeees!” during closing arguments.

            4. How about 12 Monkeys?

              1. Which character did Mila portray in 12 Monkeys?

                Otherwise, there is no reason to watch it …

    3. It’s an entertaining movie, but I’m not sure it hits on enough cylinders to reach great.

      1. Hush your mouth!

    4. I have no problem with Tucker’s performance. Now, the voice of Demi Moore, on the other hand…

    5. Ahem:

      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106697/

      That shit was prophetic. I think Gillespie wrote about it, but don’t hold that against sheer greatness.

      1. Another fine flick.

      2. My wife didn’t want to watch it. Then when Wesley snipes smashes the guys head into the glass wall in the museum for no reason she made me rewind it 3 times as she laughed.

      3. One night, TBS showed both Demolition Man and Road House consecutively.

        That was a good night.

        And, 5th Element is a fantastic, goofy sci-fi romp. I still giggle at it. Chris Tucker, who is unwatchable in just about everything else, fucking rocked as Ruby Rod.

        1. And, 5th Element is a fantastic, goofy sci-fi romp.

          *BARFS*

          The Fifth Element is a disjointed ugly retarded film that actually becomes a comedy half way through. Liking it is evil.

          1. It’s amazing how your taste is so bad. If something is terrible, you’re almost guaranteed to love it, and if something is good or fun, you’re almost guaranteed to hate it. How do you manage to be so consistently wrong?

            1. Cyto was disappointed in the lack of lens flares.

              1. Needs moar Ben Affleck.

              2. Well of course.

            2. No, my taste is pretty much perfect, the problem here is that a large number of libertarians have a fetish for old stuff that is ‘campy’ and nostalgic which actually means ‘shitty and poorly conceived’. The Fifth Element was so bad I thought it was a joke. The ‘villain’ certainly was. Then Chris Tucker’s character and half the rest of the case annoyed the shit out of me. I don’t have the nostalgia goggles you have welded into your eyeholes.

              1. Speaking of shitty and poorly conceived, how’s the job search?

                1. Not great, but I have some work. Sucky work but it pays.

              2. The Fifth Element was so bad I thought it was a joke. The ‘villain’ certainly was.

                You didn’t like the villain? He was captain “Broken Windows Fallacy”

                I can’t think a better example of a movie showing the broken windows fallacy to be evil.

              3. Three things in life are certain: death, taxes, and Cytotoxic’s shitty tastes in movies.

            3. I now know that my opinion has been validated as correct.

            4. No, you see Warty, Cytotoxic is the Arbiter of the Gold Standard of Taste. We’re evil for having subjective tastes different than the Holy Autistic Robot.

              1. Holy Autistic Objectivist Robot, thank you very much.

                1. Too wordy.

                2. That was supposed to be implied with the Holy, what with the whole Objectivist holier-than-thou cult thing.

          2. It’s a comedy after the first five minutes.

            SMOKE YOU!!!

          3. The Fifth Element is a disjointed ugly retarded film that actually becomes a comedy half way through. Liking it is evil.

            Boy are you on the pipe?

          4. You really think there was some point in that movie where it took itself seriously?

      4. Just saw it the other night on tv, first time in years. I had forgotten what a libertarian message the movie has. Need to show it to our more politically-correct statist friends so they can see what their dream society would actually be like.

        1. You just want everyone eating Taco Bell all the time!

      5. Demolition Man may not be a good movie, but I enjoy watching it.

    6. Chris Tucker (who I think is used well in the movie) is counterbalanced by the infectious insanity of Gary Oldman.

      All hail Zorg!

      1. Oldman may do insane better than anybody….like the DEA dude in the Luc Besson flick.

  7. The White House has outlined a new National Security Strategy for the final two years of President Barack Obama’s term.

    Heavy on surveillance of traitorous journalists?

  8. Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.

    Going back to their roots.

  9. In yet another example of Americans having to deal with benefits being scaled back in the workplace, Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.

    Serious question: what about sex between professors and grad students?

    1. Grad students are legally the slaves of their advisers, so obviously this doesn’t apply to them.

  10. You Know Who Else dissolved Parliament?

    1. Walter White…in hydrofluoric acid…after Parliament accidentally stumbled onto his meth manufacturing enterprise?

    2. Bootsy Collins and George Clinton?

      1. “Parliament was dissolved today in an apparent coup by the single-party, Funkadelic dictatorship.”

      2. *claps furiously

    3. Salt?

    4. Recessed filters?

  11. In yet another example of Americans having to deal with benefits being scaled back in the workplace, Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.

    Well there goes 90% of the faculty’s only means of getting some.

    1. In yet another example of Americans having to deal with benefits being scaled back in the workplace, Harvard has banned professors from having sex with undergraduates.

      Grades and tweed jackets hardest hit.

      1. This will no doubt hurt Harvard’s US News college ranks. How will they be able to compete with professor fuck palaces like Stanford?

  12. Initially the attacks were described as “workplace violence,” and the 13 people killed after Army psychiatrist Nidal Hasan opened fire on the post were denied the honor.

    Kind of like a reverse swiftboat? Now, wait, that’s not right. It will come to me.

  13. If the airstrike did kill her, so what? The blood is still on ISIS’ hands for kidnapping her.

    You have to be some kind of idiot terrorist-apologizing pansy to blame the Jordanians for that.

    1. Yeah, but the kidnapping was blowback. So it’s the US’s fault.

      -Paul Sr.

      1. I fail to see the difference between aid workers and Adam Lanza

        1. Adam Lanza ate at Chipotle

          1. I’m sure Sheldon Richman did too at some point.

            1. There is no difference between Sheldon Richman and ISIS

    1. Do you like China or something?

      1. “Like” is not the correct word. But I do read a few blogs about it.

      2. “Wild China is a fun show.”

        1. Er… “Wild China” is a fun show.

    2. I am feeling a lot of positive energy from that photo

    3. China should put the hooves in behooves?

      1. Is that a Sarah Jessica Parker joke?

        1. Nay

    1. You know that if you pay $40 to play with a kitten, the little fucker is definitely going to be asleep. Don’t these people know anything about cats?

      1. No they don’t. The little fucker is a cat. He will sleep out if spite if nothing else.

      2. I hates the kittez, shoot me now.

    2. The idea is cute, but I agree that the cats will probably not cooperate.

    3. I’ve got two cats of my own. I don’t need Uber to deliver more for me.

      1. You don’t pay Uber $40 to bring cats to you. You pay them $40 to *take them away*.

    4. I got a similar e-mail about Uber delivering puppies to an office.

  14. Program at Harvard Model UN conference calls Taiwan a country, Chinese delegates go apeshit

    They have bright futures ahead of them as Chinese diplomats.

    Side note: I was in Model UN in high school. It sucked.

    1. I did too. Its where I learned to hate earnest liberals.

    2. I actually had fun in MUN. We went to a regional event that USF hosted (I was in my senior year of high school), and we got Nigeria. Me and another high school guy representing Singapore basically took over the whole thing, building a new voting block called CODINE (Coalition of Developing, Independent Nations of the Earth). It was awesome, and the college students who took the shit seriously (and represented the more major powers) were totally pissed.

      1. I had fun at the first conference I went to, albeit not really because of UN stuff, but because of weird shit my friends and I did outside conference hours. Though our moderator was competent and relatively laid back.

        The second conference I went to sucked because the moderators sucked, and the hot one yelled at me for constantly leaving — which I wouldn’t have been doing if she hadn’t sucked. Even though it was boring, I gave it a good-faith effort at the first conference, because they ran things well.

        1. All I did was leave. I was technically an ECOSOC member, but I just caucused in the hallways. The guy from the UK was my bitch–I made him go tell the U.S. rep how we were going to bitch slap them in the General Assembly if they didn’t obey. We had China in hand, too (who tried and failed to dominate CODINE), so the Security Council was immobilized.

          It’s really no wonder the UN doesn’t work.

      2. You should have started some 419 scams.

        1. This was before the Internet, back in the mid-80s.

          1. *Sits Indian style at Pro L’s feet*

            Tell us about the olden days!

            1. In the Before Time, we just had PCs. Oh, sure, there was a proto-Internet over mainframes, but the porn was just limited to ASCII stuff.

              I think the first time I had e-mail and some sort of on-line service was Prodigy, which later became a techno band.

    3. They do that to me, I start referring to their country as “Chinese Beijing”.

      1. “Sure sucks, all that unrest going on in East Turkestan.”

        1. Future Taiwan.

    4. I know getting the Chinese to be friendlier with us and even less friendly with the Soviets was a coup, but we made a huge mistake agreeing to not recognize Taiwan anymore.

      1. Yeah. We should at least put together an FTA with Taiwan (and fuck this “maybe we’ll try and get Taiwan into the TPP sometime” shit).

        1. What’s the point in being the world’s superpower if we can’t do what the fuck we want to? Taiwan, you’re in!

      2. Well, the thing is, the two had nothing to do with each other.

        The US-PRC rapprochement in 1971/1972 did not involve any change in recognition; derecognizing Taiwan; Nixon collected that coup while still recognizing the ROC as the government of China.

        It was Jimmy Carter in 1978 who decided that we would switch formal recognition, for no actual benefit whatsoever.

        1. Ah, good, it was our usual brilliant foreign policy at work then. It is so horrific now that you tend to forget that it has rarely been great.

    5. Haha, this reminds me of when I made some offhand comment referring to Taiwan as “the legitimate Republic of China” after somebody asked why I used the phrase “Red Chinese”, and I inadvertently provoked an Asian turf war on Facebook.

    6. Good reason to shit can Hahvads model UN…I know won’t happen.

  15. “The release of the new strategic plan addresses the country’s actions to defeat direct threats by groups like ISIS. But it also underscore[s] the importance of the link between poverty, inequality and terrorism – and emphasize “building the capacity of others to prevent the causes and consequences of conflict.”

    The way Obama’s new strategic plan describes their approach to terrorism, it sounds like Obama wants to give ISIS Medicaid, EBT cards, and midnight basketball.

    Isn’t that the same shit they say about how to fight street gangs here in the U.S.?

    1. I might have forgotten to close that italics tag.

      1. Maybe they should give ISIS all the italics tags.

        1. Yeah, we gotta get to the root causes of ISIS, and to do that, we have to look at “the link between poverty, inequality and terrorism”.

          I mean, that should ring a three alarm bell for libertarians.

          What–exactly–does the Obama Administration mean by that, and how do they intend to incorporate that observation into our national security policy?

          I knew my white privilege was being blamed for all sorts of things–is Obama linking my white privilege to the ultimate cause of ISIS, now, too?!

          What does he mean by “inequality”? My income inequality?! Is the fact that I make so much one of ISIS’ big beefs?

          And what–exactly–does Obama intend to do the link between “poverty, inequality, and ISIS?

          I know Obama isn’t talking about free trade. I just don’t think Obama is capable of talking about any problem without making it a class war somehow.

          This president is freakin’ scary.

  16. “With this national security strategy, we stake out a much larger role for America in shaping the world,” [said Susan Rice.]

    “Dare I say it — SHAPE THE WORLD!”

  17. This is beyond parody but real.

    http://www.theguardian.com/wor…..ign=buffer

    1. Featured comment
      I am a MUSLIM, and a WOMAN, a wife and a mother of a wonderful baby girl. I was raised by an amazingly strong mother who taught me to learn, pursue high degrees, think freely and let nothing stand in the face of my dreams. I have an amazing job and a husband. What is written here to describe a woman lifestyle can only be described as “sad”. These ladies or children are being manipulated to believe they are serving God so that those monsters around them can control them as their sex slaves. Nothing in the teaching of Prophet Mohammad said anything about limiting the life and freedom of any human let alone women. On the contrary, under his teaching women, once forbidden from their basic rights were granted more freedom. I feel so sad for them…

      She’s so close to realizing that she’s a bad Muslim, and that it’s a good thing. Oh well.

      1. The only way to be a good Muslim is to ignore all the actual teachings of Islam and just call yourself a Muslim while living as an atheist.

        That’s also the only good way to be a good Christian or a good Jew.

        On the other hand, there are no bad Rastafarians. What’s a Rastafarian extremist going to do, light up two joints instead of one while cranking up the Bob Marley and dreaming of an Ethiopian afterlife?

        1. No, you can be a perfectly decent Christian if you just ignore all the immoral parts of the Bible, or if you ignore the Pope when he tells you to do something insane, or whatever. As long as you use your own moral judgment, you’ll be ok.

          1. You are supposed to ignore the Old Testament

            1. I always did, but I don’t think that’s officially so. I mean, how many sermons hit on some Old Testament topic? Plenty.

            2. But there’s not all that much action in the New. Other than beating up bankers in church, casting evil spirits into pigs, and telling your followers to cannibalize you, you can’t get into all that much trouble if you do what Jesus would do.

              1. The action may be in the old, but ghe actual content is in the new.

              2. So the clinging to the Old Testament is for entertainment purposes, with all of the smiting, begetting, and. . .you know, there’s a whole lot of sex and violence in the Old Testament.

              3. I call being crucified getting into trouble.

                1. IT could be worse. He could have been stabbed.

                  1. You know, are we supposed to all get crucified then? Maybe people have been doing Christianity wrong.

              4. Plus, Jacob’s not in the New Testament, so no sick Cage Matches with angels.

                1. *No sick Ladder Matches, damn I’m stupid, I could have worked Jacob’s Ladder into that so easily.

          2. “No, you can be a perfectly decent Christian if you just ignore all the immoral parts of the Bible, or if you ignore the Pope when he tells you to do something insane, or whatever.”

            Which means ignoring the dictates of your own faith.

            1. Only if you are a Catholic

              1. Yes, one of the unintended implications of the Protestant Reformation is that it drove the relationship with God in Christianity straight to the individual. While protestant churches can say things have to be a certain way, it’s really philosophically difficult to tell an individual he’s wrong about his interpretation.

            2. Which was the basis for a lot of the bias against you potato-eaters 150 years ago. The Pope of Rome tells you how to think, so how can we let you into a democracy?

              1. You forget, Episiarch calls me that, but I’m actually Scot-German. Both of those (for me) are protestant, way back.

                Is he Catholic? I mean, by upbringing. How do I not know the answer to that?

                1. I WAS TALKING TO IRISH, YOU HAGGIS-EATING DRESS WEARER

                2. Aren’t the Scots Presbyterians?

                  Fuck John Calvin in his excessively theocratically statist ear.

              2. “The Pope of Rome tells you how to think, so how can we let you into a democracy?”

                Ha. Shows how much you know. My ancestors were Ulster protestants, not beholden to the papist scum infesting the rest of beautiful Erin.

                1. Let’s burn the heretics who dare call us Catholics.

            3. Morality is doing what’s right, no matter what you’re told.

              Religion is doing what you’re told, no matter what’s right.

              1. Pithy, but it’s not entirely true. It’s not like every religious person toes the line. Heck, they mostly don’t, from what I can tell.

        2. I loled

    2. “Girls can marry at the age of nine, should ideally have husbands by 16 or 17 and should not be corrupted by going to work”

      That’s probably for the best. At work they could be othered, mansplained, and not paid enough money as a gender studies educated administrative assistant.

      1. Someone should start trolling Jezebel usimg this woman as a pseudonym. The results wpuld be hysterical.

        1. It would probably just result in a swift banning.

    3. From 10 to 12, there will be more religious studies, especially fiqh, focusing more on fiqh related to women and the rulings on marriage and divorce.

      Fiqh U., as it were.

      1. I don’t know whether to clap or boo.

        1. I believe the proper response is a narrowed gaze.

  18. Has this been posted yet?

    One Man’s Quest to Rid Wikipedia of Exactly One Grammatical Mistake

    “I feel sometimes that this motivation feels a little bit fuzzy, or a little bit negative in some ways? Like, one of my favorite Wikipedians of all time is this user called Giraffedata,” he says. “He has, like, 15,000 edits, and he’s done almost nothing except fix the incorrect use of ‘comprised of’ in articles.”

    Side note: does anyone know who came up with this idea of filling your screen with an image and putting the entire fucking article below the fold? Because I want to go back in time and slap them with my dick.

    1. I hate that too. I blame Mac users who love using their mouse way more than is necessary.

      1. Aren’t Mac users to blame for most things?

        1. Is Nikki a Mac user?

          1. Leave Nikki alone!!

      2. I don’t love using my trackpad, but it’s just so damn easy with the 2 finger scroll. And it looks so smooth with the retina display.

        I’m eating steak while you PC users are at McDonalds. I get why you’re insecure.

        1. “I’m eating steak while you PC users are at McDonalds.”

          My macbook from 2007 was one of the shittiest laptops ever.

          It ultimately suffered from a suicidal ‘melt its own motherboard’ condition because of some fucking problem it has with Flash overheating the processor.

          Yes – *youtube* (and well, a *little* porn) killed a computer.

          And i submit = if a modern computing device can’t watch youtube videos and porn without committing suicide? It doesn’t deserve to live.

          I heard that this same overheating problem also killed most of the first generation macbook Airs within 3-4 years.

          Still = apple users will claim that they are ‘higher quality’.

          1. But they’re so much more expensive! The obviously makes them higher quality!

          2. a *little* porn

            Somebody has a gift for understatement.

            1. By which i clearly meant “Lots of midget porn”

              No, really = it was mostly a travel/business computer, so it really didn’t get sustained porn-use outside of hotels.

              By 2010 it was basically starting to destroy itself. When i looked into the problem it apparently was a “design feature” of Apple laptops of that generation. They all suffered from the same problem

              “With the current genereation MacBook, it seems Apple still hasn’t solved the overheating problem. Instead of having that removable battery on the bottom, they completely covered up the bottom of the MacBook with a rubber backing. Apple explains it’s nonslip so that it “always stays right where you put it ? whether it’s on a desk, table, or airplane tray.” Yet, the experts will also tell you not to leave it directly on a desk, table, or airplane tray.”

              They started marketing and selling *@#*(&@ “cooling pads” to sit your computer on.

              Well, what if you want to *move* your laptop? crazy talk.

              As of 2010-2011, the ‘expert’ advice on “how to ensure your Macbook doesn’t melt?” was = ‘stop using Flash’ (HTML5 is so much more Apple-friendly)

              Top. Men. Superior. Design.

              1. I had a MacBook leave a delightful red rectangle on my thighs from sitting with it on my lap for 10 minutes. I was amazed none of the components had burnt out already at those operating temps.

                1. I had a MBP for about a month before I quit my last job. It was better than the lenovo (i should leave the autocorrect “lemon”, because it was true) I had before, but not by that much. It ran hot, the track pad sucked ass, the VPN dropped randomly, and I couldn’t connect to our VMs besides by SSH. I did like having the native bash terminal, even if it sucked when compared to Linux.

                  Overall, the MBP was slightly better than Lenovo, much better than HP and Dell, and slightly worse than Asus and Toshiba.

    2. Great reply to this: http://www.theguardian.com/com…..e-is-wrong

      1. Yeah. I was going to say that the author of the Medium piece should have scarequoted “mistake”, but I didn’t want to start a fight.

    3. Those with B.A.s in magazine layout design need something to do in a post-paper age.

    4. That makes me want to work that mistake into every edit I make, just to troll that guy…

  19. Shiite rebels

    It’s so hard to not read that incorrectly.

    1. It happens.

      1. What, shiite?

  20. ISIS claims that an airstrike by Jordan in Syria has killed American aid worker Kayla Mueller, 26, whom they had kidnapped.

    Kinda doesn’t matter though, does it? ISIS kidnapped a non-combatant – doesn’t matter who pulled the trigger, ISIS is responsible for the death.

    Not that there’s much point in ISIS saying Jordan killed her – its not like ISIS has a history of treating its captives well, they were going to kill her anyway.

  21. Do we still do color coded terror alerts? Raise it to red!

      1. If he would just quit wearing his Mouseketeer ears it’d leave him alone.

        1. “Hey God! He had a hat!”

    1. Sound to general quarters! Everyone shift suddenly to the left!

    1. It’s well-known that alcohol protects health. It’s less well-known that the effects don’t start to go away until you get into major alcoholic territory.

      1. Actually, if you can replace your blood with alcohol completely, you’ll live forever.

        1. Worth a shot

        2. I’ve been trying to do that with 2 martinis a day. But somehow the alcohol disappears and I have to start all over again.

          1. This sounds like my ongoing mission to drive the domesticated cow to extinction. Eating them is obviously the only way, so as to prevent DNA from remaining that would allow the species to be revived in the future, but sadly they seem to be reproducing faster than I can eat them.

            1. You’re not trying hard enough. Along with your steak, have a steak smoothie.

              1. A steak smoothie would be ridiculous. Everyone knows you use veal in smooties.

                1. A fair criticism. I accept chastisement.

  22. Netanyahu decides to throw Congressional Republicans under the bus:

    Israeli official suggests Boehner misled Netanyahu on Congress speech

    A senior Israeli official suggested on Friday that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu had been misled into thinking an invitation to address the U.S. Congress on Iran next month was fully supported by the Democrats.

    1. This whole thing is ridiculous. And, to be sure, the president’s insane open dislike of the leader of an allied nation is the crux of the problem. WTF?

      1. To be fair, the emnity is mutual, and both seem to go out of their way to humiliate the other to a bizarre extent.

        Netanyahu knew exactly what he was doing with the speech and now is just playing dumb because of unexpected blowback.

        1. My recollection is that this mostly started when we had some “leaks” trashing Netanyahu. Seems likely that he didn’t play that game from the outset, given that he’s generally been friendly with the U.S.

          Not that I’m a big fan of his, but Jesus is this administration petulant.

          1. It seems like lately Israel’s turned into that psycho girlfriend he keeps trying to get her boyfriend into fights by provoking other men.

            1. Yeah, that’s probably true, too. It’s really becoming amateur-hour all over the planet.

    2. CBS-5,10pm: That’s My Boehner! (situation comedy)
      An official suggests Boehner misled Netanyahu on his Congress speech. (TV-14,L,V)

      1. Hearing the theme to “Perfect Strangers” in my head right now…

  23. I meant to post this last week, but…

    The best analysis, IMO, of CVE-2015-0235 (aka, the GHOST vulnerability).

  24. In case noone here follows the NBA, this ishappening.

    “I think we have to show better composure, but at the same time some of [the technical fouls] were ridiculous,” said Paul, who is president of the NBA Players Association. “The tech that I get right there was ridiculous. I don’t care what nobody says, I don’t care what she says; that’s terrible. There’s no way that can be a tech. We try to get the ball out fast every time down the court, and when we did that, she said, ‘Uh-uh.’ I said, ‘Why, uh-uh?’ And she gave me a tech.

    “That’s ridiculous. If that’s the case, this might not be for her.”

    The 34-year-old Holtkamp is in her first full season as an NBA referee.

    The referees’ union says it reviewed the calls made by Holtkamp and “deems them fully justified.” General counsel Lee Seham says in a statement the union “deplores the personal and unprofessional comments made by Chris Paul. She belongs.”

    I don’t know what’s funnier the NBA #shebelongs or the people hijacking it with #shebelongsinakitchen.

    1. I heard about that this morning on Mike and Mike and thought it was the dumbest thing I’d ever seen then.

      Apparently you’re not allowed to criticize shitty refs if they have vaginas.

      1. The fact that ESPN is publishing this story from the angle that Chris Paul a sexist pills makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

        1. *pillspig

        2. You have not noticed that ESPN is staffed to the brim with social justice concern trolls?

      2. Is she actually a shitty ref, or is Chris Paul just a crybaby? The Clippers don’t lead the league in fouls because of that one ref.

        1. Chris Paul is a whiny bitch, however this pearl clutching is embarrassing.

        2. It doesn’t actually matter. Paul thought she was a shitty ref, he made his view known. It cannot rationally be considered sexist in any way.

          1. Can somebody who’s a little better versed at NBA rules tell me what the fuck that was? I saw 2 technical fouls that appeared to come out of nowhere. I know you can be teed up for abusing an official, but I didn’t even see that.

            I can understand why they’re pissed.

      3. Shitty refs are a feature in the NBA.Don’t think it matters if she squats to piss.

    2. I don’t get it. The same thing might easily have been said about a male referee. It’s not directly sexist and may well not have been intended to be.

  25. “ISIS claims that an airstrike by Jordan in Syria has killed American aid worker Kayla Mueller, 26, whom they had kidnapped”

    This sort of thing will be cynically exploited by Islamophobes

    /Prog

  26. Oregonian no longer endorses Kitzhaber- http://www.oregonlive.com/opin…..n_edi.html

  27. That is interesting, a proggie rag like the Oregonian calling this douche bag out.

    Perhaps the worm is turning…in the long run it’s irrelevant, but seeing this fuckstain squirm will will get a few laughs from me.

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