State of the Union

If Obama Had Given the State of the Union Address Libertarians Would Like to Hear…

Restate of the Union

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President Obama sure is consistent. His State of the Union address sounded like his other speeches: What I've done is great! America is in a much better position. We've created a manufacturing sector that's adding jobs. More oil is produced at home. I cut deficits in half!

Give me a break. The deficit is lower now not because of any prudence on Obama's part but merely because the $800 billion stimulus spending blowout didn't continue. All the president does is increase spending: free community college, free Obamaphones, free birth control, etc. Yes, our annual deficit is lower, but it's still $488 billion! Our $18 trillion national debt increases by $3 million every minute!

Yes, more oil is produced at home, but that's in spite of the administration. Oil production is down on public land.

Yes, the manufacturing sector added jobs, but that's mostly because of cheaper natural gas created by fracking, which Obama's cronies opposed. Also, America is finally recovering from recession. Obama's policies probably slowed that recovery.

Does the President delude himself when he takes credit for oil production, lower deficits, etc.? Or does he mislead on purpose? I don't know. Recently he bragged, "I created the lowest unemployment rate in years." He created it? He must know it's "low" only compared to the 10 percent reached during the recession—and because millions have simply given up looking for work. This recovery is the slowest in 70 years.

If Obama gave the State of the Union address I'd like to hear, he'd say this:

I heard you, voters, in November when you took control of the Senate away from my party. I get it. I overreached. I was arrogant. I imposed Obamacare on a nation that was deeply divided about it. I ruled through executive orders instead of legislation. I threw money at "green" nonsense. I'll give up the payments to the "green energy" industry if the Republicans stop coddling defense contractors.

I've been in government for years now. I know how badly it works. The last thing I should try to do is make it bigger. In fact, with Republicans now in control of Congress, it's time I worked with them to shrink government. If we shrink it, we might even dig our way out of the debt hole we're in. Heck, if we just slow the growth of government to 2 percent a year, we'd be in better shape.

But I didn't even try to accomplish that. I pretended taxing the rich would solve our financial problems. But there aren't enough rich people to tax. I got drunk on the idea of promising voters "free" stuff such as low down-payment mortgages and guaranteed paid family leave. I told them that all good things come from government. That's nonsense.

We should put an end to all bailouts. Businesses that screw up should accept the consequences, just like ordinary people who spend recklessly. Main Street should never again be forced to rescue Wall Street.

Instead of expanding government control of health care, we should phase it out. That includes Medicare. I know Medicare is popular, but it is unsustainable. Let current retirees receive their benefits as promised, but younger people should pay for their own health care.

People criticize the economic distortion created by welfare, but Medicare and Social Security are almost as bad. Both redistribute money away from the young and struggling toward those of us who have had decades to invest and save up. 

To make these challenges a little easier to deal with, let's make America richer by abolishing most regulations. They strangle opportunity.

The more I think about it, the more Congress and I could transform America for the better just by getting out of America's way. The state of our union will be truly strong if the state—by which I mean government—is strictly limited.

© Copyright 2015 by Creators Syndicate Inc.

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108 responses to “If Obama Had Given the State of the Union Address Libertarians Would Like to Hear…

  1. If he had that kind of self awareness we wouldn’t be here in the first place.

  2. Damn, I think I like this “Stossel” guy.

    1. You’re not the only one.

      1. He’s the best. A true and fair straight shooter.

        1. Stossel and Gutfield are two of my favorites.

          Reason should really get Greg to write for them.

          Also, I kind of like this Hunter Lewis guy. I’m about to start his book “Where Keynes Went Wrong”.

    2. This guy should have a TV show or something!

  3. If Obama Had Given the State of the Union Address Libertarians Would Like to Hear…

    “I resign.”

    1. President Biden?

      1. Now you’re fuckin’ talkin’. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

        I forget who mentioned it earlier, but after dwelling on it, I really think he might be the “most” sane person in DC.

      2. The humor factor would be off the charts.

      3. Here’s the full version:

        “Biden is fired. I resign.”

    2. Followed by ritual suicide. You know…like the Japanese generals after the surrender. Oh, wait! The generals didn’t fall on their swords, just the lower ranked officers. The ruling class never pay for the mistakes they make. That’s for the little people.

      1. It’s almost enough to get religion in hopes that they’ll be punished in the afterlife.

        1. This.

          So much evil goes unpunished in this world, while so much good gets tortured and murdered.

        2. If there is a hell, it must have been created specifically for bureaucrats and politicians. The average one of them causes far more misery and suffering than the worst mass murderer who ever lived.

          But I think we should give up hope of that, and strive to see the bastards punished on this side of the grave.

          1. Hyperion: If there is a hell, I’d say we’re currently bent over grabbing our ankles in it.

            1. I think of it more of a purgatory. I guess I’m sort of an optimist.

              1. I read trepidation in your post and found it that much more funny.

          2. There aint no Hell and there aint no Heaven. There’s only this place and a bunch of people fucking it up for everyone.

    3. “I induced Biden to resign, and I’m nominating Janice Rogers Brown as the new Vice President. Once Congress confirms her, I will resign, making her the *first descendant of American slaves* to be President.”

    4. And then he leaves the stage without further comment.

      That’s about the only speech I’d have considered worth listening to.

      1. Again and again and again I might add.

  4. The state of our union will be truly strong if the state?by which I mean government?is strictly limited.

    And then I woke up; there was cum everywhere.

    1. And then I woke up; there was cum everywhere.

      “And… It wasn’t mine!”

  5. We should stop talking about the SOTU.

    No one listened to it.

    1. Are you kidding? Tony’s hair is probably shiny with the cum!

      1. *Barfman, please report to the comments section, paging Barfman…*

    2. It’s great. I didn’t hear a word of it, but I bet I can tell you what he said with ~95% accuracy.

    3. Yeah. STFU about the SOTU. Amiright?

    4. But a few media-types did read the transcript this morning.

    5. I’m mildly disappointed with the wall of posts here on this stupid, pointless speech. It’s political theater and empty words from the lamest of lame ducks. Let’s move on now.

      1. but… but… WORDS! FREE SHIT!

        1. “The Era of Free Shit is over!”

          1. “The Era of Presidential Speeches is over!”

          2. Sigh. Words we’ll never hear.

            Yes, I’m that crying Indian on the side of the road.

            1. Even he was a lie. Italian, not Indian.

              1. But wait, there IS cake, right?

                1. Oh how we laughed and laughed, only I wasn’t laughing…

      2. It’s political theater and empty words from the lamest of lame ducks. Let’s move on now.

        Odd, earlier today I used the phrase “Quacking of a lame duck” to pre-empt a discussion on the speech. I guess I’m not alone in that sentiment.

        1. I watched the speech. Actually it seemed more like a used car salesman trying to unload some crappy ass lemon on us.

    6. The other half wanted to watch Out of Africa. Now I think that that was the better choice.

      1. You mean Out of Kenya?

  6. Beautiful.

  7. I heard you, voters, in November when you took control of the Senate away from my party. I get it. I overreached. I was arrogant.

    These are the type of things that Obama is not capable of. Obama will always be right, forever, in his own mind.

    1. Unless he has a nervous breakdown.

  8. I have a simple method when it comes to Obama speaking. He comes on the TV, I switch the channel. I cannot even stand the sound of his voice and don’t like the creepy looks he gets when he’s speaking. He’s just creepy as hell.

    1. I know. Very creepy voice. Since the permanent government is going to do what it wants anyway, our next president should be someone with an awesome speaking voice. I nominate James Earl Jones.

    2. I cannot even stand the sound of his voice

      Wait’ll it’s Hillary.

      1. I just had a seizure thanks to you….

      2. I already can’t stand the sound of her voice – or her husband’s either.

  9. My fellow Americans, Hear me! Hear this! Among my people, we carry many such words as this from many lands, many worlds. Many are equally good and are as well respected, but wherever we have gone, no words have said this thing of importance in quite this way. Look at these three words written larger than the rest, with a special pride never written before or since. Tall words proudly saying We the People. That which you call Ee’d Plebnista was not written for the chiefs or the kings or the warriors or the rich and powerful, but for all the people! Down the centuries, you have slurred the meaning of the words, ‘We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquillity, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution.’ These words and the words that follow were not written only for the Yangs, but for the Kohms as well!

      1. Please read in your best Shatnerian voice.

          1. That’s right, it’s fucking epic. And it took a Canadian to show us that.

            1. And it took a Canadian to show us that.

              I was thinking the same thing.

          2. I’d forgotten how… Shattnerian… Shatner was.

            1. I know. He does a pitch-perfect imitation.

    1. “Welcome, Starfleet travelers, you have reached the Planet of Heavy-Handed Political Symbolism!”

    2. Chills, baby….

  10. Yesterday’s show was one of your best, Stossel!

  11. I know Medicare is popular, but it is unsustainable. Let current retirees receive their benefits as promised, but younger people should pay for their own health care.

    So. Much. Wailing. And gnashing of teeth. Might as well curbstomp a kitten.

    1. That’s funny. I’m far more revolted by the idea of curbstomping a kitten than old people that do nothing but bitch anyways.

      1. If it’s true, as I have read elsewhere, that current retirees are receiving less in benefits than what they paid in, now seems like the perfect time, politically speaking, to reign in the program.

        1. It’s true, adjusting for inflation. If you cheat and don’t count inflation, or fuck with the numbers, you can make it look any way you want though (which is true with every statistic).

  12. Also, America is finally recovering from recession. Obama’s policies probably slowed that recovery.

    I hate to break it to you, buddy, but we’re still in a kind of recession. A Recession is the cure to the previous boom and malinvestments. We still have the malinvestments and the Federal Reserve is still blowing up bubbles everywhere. The US hasn’t had a true and cleansing recession yet.

    1. Not to mention that if this is a recovery, it’s one of the worst ever. They’re going out of their way to use meaningless and/or deceptive baselines to measure this “boom” against.

      1. Yep. No mention of the quality or sustainability of investments being made in this economy.

        1. Or the quality of jobs. The plurality of jobs created during ths recovery are of the low wage variety.

          1. Yes. And many of the people taking those jobs have college degrees.

            Talk about malinvestments!

            1. Well, thats why community college needs to be “free”!

      2. You think 1920 was bad? Just wait til you see the rerun of 1932!

  13. Rand should pick Stossel as his VP candidate. Maybe between the curls and the stache they can defeat the evil witch hitlary and save the world.

    1. Ha!

      Rand is already taking heat from neo-cons for hiring Libertarian Girl to do some of his social media. Libertarian Girl (a.k.a. Marianne Copenhaver) has posted attacks against the two bloodthirsty neo-con warmongers Senators John McCain and Lindsay Graham, something that in the eyes of neo-con warmonger Jennifer Rubin is a deadly sin.

      It is very unlikely Rand Paul is going to choose anybody who seems “controversial” for a running mate. Don’t hold your breath.

      1. Janice Rogers Brown.

        1. What? No! She’s going to the Supreme Court.

      2. JUST. GET. IN.

  14. What I really want to see is his clueless supporters cheer him on after giving this speech.

    1. I’d rather read another Sugarfree political novel.

    2. What I really want to see is his clueless supporters jobless and homeless. I should have to wait much longer…

      1. I mean, I think that describes a large portion of his base right? Either too poor to care about taxes (or more rarely due to scarcity) too rich to care about taxes.

  15. [Hail to the Chief plays in background. President Dean strides manfully to the podium, pointedly ignoring the crowds sycophants wetting their panties for the merest glance from the Supreme Leader]

    Ladies and Gentlemen, and I use both terms loosely, the State of the Union is perilous. We have grown in our midst the cancer of unlimited government, in contravention of our founding principles and documents.

    Our oath to the Constitution makes our duty clear:

    Fuck you, cut spending.

    Thank you, and have a good night.

    [Leaves, amidst stunned silence]

    1. Our oath to the Constitution makes our duty clear:

      I really thought the next line would involve revolvers.

      1. “I have sent each member of Congress a pistol, a single round of ammunition and a bottle of whisky. They know what they must do.”

        1. That is awesome.

        2. Saweet…..

  16. Obama is representative of the political elites in general. Lie to continue the flow of revenue to them so they can redistribute it to their friends and to the “stupids” who continue to vote for them.

    Is he lying? Is he delusional? It matters not. The question is why are there so many people out there who STILL believe his bullshit?

    1. Because they want to believe it. The alternative is too scary for them to contemplate.

  17. I was listening to NPR this morning. Did you know that Obama isn’t going far enough because he isn’t funneling more money into unions and because he hasn’t raised tariffs?

    1. Are you sure they weren’t replaying some decades-old footage from the vault?

  18. People criticize the economic distortion created by welfare, but Medicare and Social Security are almost as bad. Both redistribute money away from the young and struggling toward those of us who have had decades to invest and save up.

    What? Old people can’t be richer than young people! Why can they only afford dog food if that is true? And they’re too proud to sign up for free stuff if they’re poor, so we have to give the free stuff to all old people, regardless of wealth.

    To make these challenges a little easier to deal with, let’s make America richer by abolishing most regulations. They strangle opportunity.

    Oh sure, let the corporashunz run amok. “America” isn’t the 1 percent, you know.

    1. Pay no attention to the little old lady behind the curtain down the hall paying 1/10 the rent you are.

      /NYC landlords

  19. When Obama speaks, this is what I hear:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss2hULhXf04

  20. “Let current retirees receive their benefits [paid for by young people] as promised, but younger people should [also] pay for their own health care.”

    You had a couple typos in there.

  21. What is interesting is that Rand Paul believes most of Stossel’s little speech but he never says stuff like that directly. You can tell Rand is experimenting with with different delivery mechanisms for what is basically Stossels/libertarian message. But a politician who would say it like that would be interesting and important for people to hear. I never watched Ron Paul in the Republican debates, maybe he did that.

    1. It takes a brave man to risk that the little peoplz are intelligent enough to understand and accept the truth after living their lives in a world filled with lies….especially if he wants to get elected to higher office. I’m sure Rand’s mind is aflutter with exactly those thoughts.

  22. Both redistribute money away from the young and struggling toward those of us who have had decades to invest and save up.

    Even as someone ethically opposed to forced redistribution, I’m not sure this is true. Given that the people who are old now were themselves subject to withholding for these schemes, how can one say they had decades to invest and save?

    I mean, certainly, at some level I’ve got a lot of sympathy for the “If you make a deal with the Devil, don’t be shocked when you end up in Hell” perspective of things, but it’s never going to be popular.

    I agree we need to end it somehow, and that it will end, one way or another. A graceful shutdown would be better than a crash. But I have no idea how to implement it.

  23. Nailed it.

  24. We just need a good contagion. Problem solved. Short of that, uh, I got nothin’……

  25. Bros and Hos, do NOT be dissin’ Emperor Obozo and His State of The Onion Speech, ya be hurtin’ mah pro-Guv-Mint feelings, now… The State of the Onion is the BEST it’s been in a few months now! And The Emperor did it ALL by Hisself! “Ya didn’t build that by youself, ya know… ONLY by the permission of Guv Almighty, did ya build that!”

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