President Leaks Policy Proposals Ahead of State of the Union, Pope Francis Goes Full Joe Biden, Pizza Named as Obesity Villain: P.M. Links


  • Pope Francis
    Korean Culture and Information Service (Jeon Han)

    Well aware that his state of the union address is mostly an opportunity for mockery by critics of all political persuasions (Reason will be livetweeting the tedious event), President Obama has taken to leaking his (largely DOA) policy proposals to social media.

  • With off-the-cuff comments calling for speech restrictions, criticizing those who breed "like rabbits," and pondering giving con men "a kick where the sun doesn't shine," Pope Francis is gaining a reputation as the Joe Biden of the Roman Catholic Church.
  • In their ongoing efforts to win hearts and minds, the nice folks at ISIS say they'll kill two Japanese hostages unless the government in Tokyo coughs up $200 million.
  • With Social Security disability benefits well on the way to becoming Americans' favorite scheme for "free" money, Republicans and Democrats line up to battle over the nearly broke program.
  • Food nannies have fingered a new villain: pizza. Give it a rest, you friggin' killjoys.
  • Analysts in Europe see growing political instability and a rising tide for populist and nationalist parties. Well, so long as the nationalists mix in a little socialism, what could go wrong?

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  1. Food nannies have fingered a new villain: pizza.

    Get your fingers out of my deep dish!

    1. That kind of sounds pornographic man.

      1. “Tagline: ‘You’ll want these saucy nannies kneading your dough!'”

        “Sir, but, why are we having nannies making pizza?”

        “You’re fired.”

    2. Wait, what? Pizza is the most complete food ever conceived. Aliens cross the vast gulf of space to come to Earth, solely to acquire pizza.

        1. Get with it. There haven’t been four food groups for 25 or 30 years.

          Now how many sections does that stupid plate thingy have?

        2. Pizza has caffeine?!?

      1. The doctor says I swallow a lot of aggression. Along with a lot of pizzas!

        1. Lighten up, Francis.

    3. Remember a couple of years ago when food nannies wanted a government warning label on hot dogs like they have on cigarette cartons?

      What’s the purpose of fixating on one specific item, exactly? I never had a guess.

      1. You get your food in the door with product X, generally something no one would be too opposed to seeing a label on. Then when you want to label product Y, you have a precedent.

        1. But if you label everything people will ignore the labels. Sort of like how most consumer products are known to the state of California to cause cancer.

          1. *Thinks about Jew Coke, cries*

  2. Helicopter Parents Anonymous

    Recently, my younger daughter left her class project, a time capsule, at the door so I would see it the minute I got home.

    Her project wasn’t due for a month, and she took it upon herself to start it and finish it. I beamed at her great work ethic.

    If the story ended here, I would proudly say I am one of those parents who is totally comfortable with the whole “letting my kids fail” concept, but alas, there is more.

    You see, even though my daughter worked hard to create a unique time capsule — complete with a slipper, miniature soccer and basketball, chess set, Pokemon cards and cordless phone — I worried that the other kids, probably with help from their parents, would have much more elaborate and highly constructed time capsules. Plus, I thought my daughter didn’t quite complete the assignment.

    Of all the things you can do to irreparably scar your children, doing their homework for them is possibly the most insidious and long-lasting scars you can impart on them short of doing something illegal. Helicopter parents belong in the same category as deadbeats, abusers, and neglectful parents.

    1. And it is an out of control arms race. My friends with grade school age kids tell me the teachers just assume the parents will help now and routinely make assignments well beyond the expected ability of students of the age they teach.

      Great society we are building.

      1. I remember teachers failing kids for this type of stuff when I was in school. They would explicitly put “no outside help” clauses in the assignments and come down like a sack of hammers on any kid who turned in an assignment not entirely their own work.

        1. The poor little snowflakes. Don’t you know what that did to their self esteem?

          1. I don’t even know if it is about self esteem. Are kids so stupid that they are proud of work that their parents did for them? I’m pretty sure I would have known the difference between accomplishing something on my own and having it handed to me when I was that age.
            I think it’s just that the parents need to get a fucking life. I don’t get it.

            1. Kids are not stupid, they are just cynical and want the grade and to get the assignment done.

              1. That’s true. It was very much a rhetorical question. Kid’s can figure out how to play the game. I guess I wasn’t so cynical as a kid. My parents were far far from being helicopter parents, but I still actively avoided getting help with homework as a kid. But I never had regular homework in elementary school.

      2. I’m still kind of shocked at how much homework kids in grade school get now.

      3. This probably wouldn’t happen at all if the kids just got less homework.

    2. I’m not ready to condemn them. Parent-child projects can be very beneficial experiences for a kid.

      My dad was a complete dick, but the one decent memory I have of him is him helping me, really doing most of the work, on my Pinewood Derby car in Cub Scouts. If it were up to me alone, it would have looked like something Bart did himself.

      1. There is a place for parent-child projects, but a school project obviously designed to make kids reflect on their own culture and time while following complex instructions is not the place for that.

        There is a giant gulf between an involved parent and a helicopter parent. An involved parent mans the power tools on the pinewood derby car. A helicopter parent offers three design choices to the child and lets the kid put the easier decals on at the very end.

        1. A helicopter parent mans the power tools. An involved parent just stands by to take the kid to the ER if necessary.

  3. A squadron of 1,700 private jets are rumbling into Davos, Switzerland, this week to discuss global warming and other issues as the annual World Economic Forum gets underway.

    The influx of private jets is so great, the Swiss Armed Forces has been forced to open up a military air base for the first time ever to absorb all the super rich flying their private jets into the event, reports Newsweek.

    “Decision-makers meeting in Davos must focus on ways to reduce climate risk while building more efficient, cleaner, and lower-carbon economies,” former Mexican president Felipe Calderon told USA Today.

    Davos, which has become a playground of sorts for the global elite, is expected to feature at least 40 heads of state and 2,500 top business executives. Former Vice President-turned-carbon billionaire Al Gore and rapper Pharrell Williams will be there as well; each plans to discuss global warming and recycling respectively.

    Another big theme of the mega-rich confab will be combating “income inequality” and how the world’s rich can pay their fair share to reduce the gap between top earners and the lower class. Admission price for Davos: roughly $40,000 a ticket.

    The World Economic Forum will also feature discussions on gender equality and opportunities for women. According to the World Economic Forum’s own statistics, just 17% of all 2015 participants are women.

    1. Here’s an idea. While they are all in conferences, get some of those plane repo guys to steal all the jets. Then dismantle them and sell the parts for scrap, and redistribute the money to the lower class. Less emissions, more equality, start at home.

      1. And then nuke Davos.

        1. Exterminate! Oh, different Davros.

    2. Enough About Palin|1.20.15 @ 4:31PM|#
      “A squadron of 1,700 private jets are rumbling into Davos, Switzerland, this week”…

      So Rome got tired of the whining and kicked ’em out?

  4. …Pope Francis is gaining a reputation as the Joe Biden of the Roman Catholic Church.

    Possessed? Get yourself a double-barrel censer!

    1. Well, I just read the alt-text. Eff you, Tuccille. I think you just added that.

    2. I hate incense. Gives me terrible headaches.

      1. That’s probably the demons.

        1. As I wrote in another forum this morning:

          I know that when I was 10, I didn’t want to be dragged to Mass every Sunday. Of course, I had a mother who would blame God during her screaming fits if she couldn’t find anybody else to blame for something that went wrong. She’d blame God if we had missed Mass, and then once she bitched that we had been going to church regularly and God was still punishing her.

          Haven’t been to a regular (ie. non wedding/funeral) Mass for 20 years or so.

          I didn’t mention the incense.

      2. I stood in a Romanian wedding once, and good lord I have never seen so much incense burned at one time.

        Luckily I didn’t have to rent a tux for it, because there is no way they would have allowed it to be returned smelling the way my clothes did.

  5. Speaking of free money…

    “Don’t worry. He is correct. Prof. Jon Gruber of MIT told me so.”

    Hitler reacts to Obama’s State of the Union 2015 speech

  6. “Cuomo’s Education Agenda Sets Battle Lines With Teachers’ Unions”
    …”he will seek several major changes that, atypical for a Democrat, will put him in direct conflict with teachers’ unions.”……html?_r=0

    1. I’ve been seeing the commercials. The commercials are basically saying WE NEED MORE MONEY!!!111!!!

  7. Analysts in Europe see growing political instability and a rising tide for populist and nationalist parties. Well, so long as the nationalists mix in a little socialism, what could go wrong?

    At least its an ethos.

    1. Shut the fuck up Donny

  8. “criticizing those who breed “like rabbits,”

    I thought the pope was supposed to encourage that.

    1. I thought he was supposed to encourage Coitus Interruptus over condoms. Or am I mistaken?

      1. Dear Lord, the Pope says something most secularists agree with, and still it’s not enough!…..-planning/

        1. I can’t be bothered to read that. But natural family planning means buttsex, right?

          1. no

      2. Coitus Interruptus

        Isn’t that onanism?

        1. yes

    2. I think he means fucking in rabbit costumes.

      1. You’ll summon HM!

    3. The Holy See’s army is getting unwieldy.

    4. When I want sex advice I always ask virgins.

      1. So diddling young boys no longer counts?

    5. + every sacred sperm

  9. Well, so long as the nationalists mix in a little socialism, what could go wrong?

    You know who didn’t wonder enough what could go wrong?

    1. The bad guys in the Rocketeer?

    2. NASA with its O-rings?

      1. +1 Morton Thiokol

    3. Sonny Bono?

    4. John Wayne Bobbit?

    5. NIXON?!?!

    6. The Founding Fathers?

    7. Il Duce, right before they hung him upside down in a train station?

    8. John Denver?

  10. In their ongoing efforts to win hearts and minds, the nice folks at ISIS say they’ll kill two Japanese hostages unless the government in Tokyo coughs up $200 million.

    Put them in tentacle porn instead.

    1. Well, at least they’ve upgraded to an honest crime.

    1. Given that Isis was the goddess of life, that’s some wonderful irony.

    2. they had no guarantees that Islamic State would buy their crop as Baghdad normally does.

      One cheer for ending farm subsidies, I guess.

  11. Whoa, fuck, it’s PM links time? I got nothin’. Here, listen to Marduk.

    1. I’ve been playing the hell out of that album this week.

      1. I don’t have it yet, but the songs I’ve heard are pretty incredible.

        1. Here. Enjoy some Midnight. Hail Cleveland.

          1. Man, I haven’t listened to the Hellacopters in forever. This takes me back.

        2. If you like technical death metal, the new Beyond Creation is pretty damned good.

    2. +1 Fuck Me Jesus

    3. “Marduk, you *totally* rule.”

      “I *totally* already know that.”

  12. Food nannies have fingered a new villain: pizza.

    Enjoy fucking dying on that hill, food nanny morons. Jesus they’re pathetic…and pathetically stupid.

    1. On days when children eat pizza, they consume an average of 408 additional calories, three additional grams of fat and 134 additional milligrams of salt compared with their regular diet.

      Food morons are still moronic about fat? I thought morons had mostly gotten over it. And three fucking grams of it???

      1. Oh, the people who bought into all the nutrition shit from 30-40 years ago (such as my mother) still hold to some of its basic, most moronic tenets like the animist superstitious morons they are. Absolute terror of fat and salt are still in their wheelhouse.

      2. On days when children eat pizza, they consume an average of 408 additional calories, three additional grams of fat and 134 additional milligrams of salt compared with their regular diet

        of Pop-Tarts and Coca-Cola.

      3. My fiance and her mother are still hung up fat and salt. This despite them being italian and having a history of heart disease in their family, and both struggling to lose weight. Despite this, they still think fat, and not carbs, are the problem. Oh and they’re both well-educated and smart.

        1. I don’t normally say this, but it’s beginning to sound as if maybe she should squat more.

          1. Believe me, I have tried.

        2. I think, by definition, they aren’t well educated.

        3. A posting local mom on our neighborhood “Next Door” website said she wanted to get her family healthy, and wanted recommendations to help her start a “low-fat, low salt diet.” I wanted to post about how wrong she was, but realized any such act would make me the neighborhood asshole, and I have to live with these people.

      4. Food morons are still moronic about fat?

        And sodium too, apparently.

    2. Yeah, preach it coomba.

      1. I thought the word was goomba(h).

        1. Whatever.

        2. It’s spelled “disgusting Italian subhuman”, you morons.

    3. They can take my life, but they’ll never take my pizza.

    4. Maybe the problem is eating too much, not what kids are eating.

      1. Nowadays everyone is rich enough to get as fat and gouty as a king.

        1. And damn is it fun doing so.

      2. An extra 400 calories is pretty easy to offset if the kids or parents care about doing that, and assuming pizza is an infrequent treat. Why should anyone freak out about the numbers Warty posted? May as well freak out about kids drinking chocolate milk, that has plenty of the dreaded fat and sodium.

      3. The problem is activity. When telling your kid to go to the park lands you a visit from CPS, and schools remove jungle gyms, and boys are doped the fuck out on prescription meds, the children are more likely to be couch potatos.

    5. Pizza is a fundamental right. Like barbecue.

      1. To hell with pizza, but fuck with barbecue and there’s gonna be another civil war. I mean real barbecue, cooked with a wood fire (or at least charcoal) and not that yuppie cardboard shit done on a gas or electric grill and/or flavored with condensed creosote.

      2. When I was a kid, we built our own fires. In the woods. And sharpened sticks to roast hot dogs and marshmallows on. With our own knives.

  13. Hello.

    For tonight’s SOTU. An oldie but a goodie. Gibson, taxes and Obama:…..x-exchange

    “Well, Charlie, what I’ve said is that I would look at raising the capital gains tax for purposes of fairness.”

    The guy is just too sparkling.

    1. What a divisive populist scumbag. He fits right in with Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales, and every populist scumbag Indian politician I remember during my days growing up there.

    2. Well, in his defense, at least he told us exactly what kind of scumbag he is. And morons still voted for him. Fuck morons and fuck voting.

      1. Most of these tyrants project their tyranny if you pay attention. You know, like Mein Kampf: “The Jews need to go, and we should move Germans into all of the lands to the east, after moving out the residents.”

        1. That’s the best. When you point to this with Arab terrorists specifically saying (as is the case in the Hamas charter) they want to ‘throw Jews into the Sea’ people don’t believe you. My sister’s boyfriend wanted a cite to this when I told him.

          I smashed a bottle over his head.

          In my head.

          1. Didn’t the European Jews in Israel COME by sea? Maybe it lost something in translation.

      2. Voting is great if you do it right.

    3. Only rich people earn capital gains, right?

      1. Only the filthy rich. I mean, who else owns stock?

      2. And they stuff their filthy profits into mattresses stuffed with money! I hear Bill Gates sleeps on 50 money mattresses! Don’t even get me started on the vaults of gold coin in which he swims!

  14. …President Obama has taken to leaking his (largely DOA) policy proposals to social media.

    Firing up Attack Watch for some preemptive strikes, I hope.

  15. With Social Security disability benefits well on the way to becoming Americans’ favorite scheme for “free” money, Republicans and Democrats line up to battle over the nearly broke program.


    1. Ban disability. Problem solved!

    2. The disability scam is really scary. We’re losing an awful lot of productivity to the dole, that’s for sure.

  16. “ISIS say they’ll kill two Japanese hostages unless the government in Tokyo coughs up $200 million.”

    as noted earlier today =

    Obviously this is Blowback for Japan’s longstanding political and socioeconomic Meddling in the Middle East


    1. “Collectivist!”


    2. I heard this morning that it’s because the Japanese ponied up some cash to fight ISIS. Of course, they aren’t going to give ISIS $200 million under any circumstances, but I’m sure this will encourage them to support anti-ISIS activities all the more.

      1. Real Japanese look at these ISIS beheadings and think “Ppppt. Amateurs

        1. I know two that won’t.

    1. Build a bunch of fucking el trains already, NYC. El trains can’t be that expensive.

      1. Obviously you haven’t been to NYC in a while.

        The last ‘train to the plane’ project cost $2billion, and linked JFK to lovely Jamaica Queens….

        …which is like, HUGELY CONVENIENT….if you live in Jamaica, Queens.

        It was promoted as a more-affordable way to get to-from the airports.

        If you think taking walking to a subway that takes you to a train that takes you to a shuttlebus with your luggage is a “Bargain” at only $10 per direction…. compared to $30 get a car to drive you from your door to the terminal… well, good for you and the tiny number of other people who actually use it each year. Last i checked they’re losing money on each fare and were considering raising prices.

        The existing Newark air-train is actually more-effective, by contrast; at least then you’re going from a comfy MTA train to the airport, rather than stuffed in the subway.

        1. Yeah, I probably wouldn’t take the AirTrain to JFK today – too inconvenient. But in my poor days, sure.

      2. NYC is the only major city in the world with fewer miles of subway now than 50 years ago. They basically tore down a shitload of els and promised to replace them with subways – which of course never happened.

    2. At least yours will only be a mile and a half.

      1. Look, I’ll take anything that’ll get me away from Bakersfield faster.

      2. At least yours will only be a mile and a half.

        And it will be used.

    3. Meh. I can’t say this is, on its face, as stupid an idea as the California HSR. This is something that, at least in principle, has some level of demand. Yes, I think the entire thing should be privatized. But, that isn’t going to happen.

  17. Newsflash –

    Legalization of Weed Means Prosecutors Have Harder Time Demonizing Drug Offenders – Will Someone Please Think of the Lawyers?

    1. They can all die in a gutter.

      Ther, I thought of them.

    2. Check this out:

      “Based on federal sentencing guidelines, Kleinman faces about 24 years in prison without the possibility of parole.

      “Shemitz had offered him a plea deal before the trial that could have resulted in the minimum sentence of 10 years ? the same deal she made with [the defendant’s former partner].

      “She didn’t relish the outcome ? Kleinman was a father of two young children ? but she didn’t second-guess her work.”

      And concluding with this bit of unawareness:

      “”As a prosecutor, the thing we will not stand for is when someone doesn’t take responsibility for what he does,” she said after the trial concluded. “He’s going to get a lot of time, and he should.””

      1. un-self-awareness.

    3. Imagine a world with 80% fewer lawyers.

      Kinda gives you a warm feeling inside, doesn’t it? The only thing better would be 90% fewer cops.

      1. When you remind people that Dick Cheney shot a lawyer in the face and made him apologize for getting in the way, even the hardest liberal smiles.

  18. “Food nannies have fingered a new villain: pizza.”

    Pizza, when done properly, can be healthy.

    I can’t stand when they conflate greasy, gross, generic pizza with the REAL STUFF.


    1. If they come after my pizzas, I will END them.

      ’nuff said


    2. ^^THIS^^

      My caramelized onion, goat cheese and fresh rosemary pizza is tasty and healthy.

      1. I do the same thing – except I add crushed garlic and use fresh mozzarella.

        Either way, it’s awesome isn’t it?

      2. Do you guys have a crust recipe? I’ve been messing around trying to find the right combo, but haven’t hit it yet…

        1. I’m also looking for a good crust recipe if anyone has one!

          1. Email me.

        2. Do you use ‘OO’ pizza flour?

          Also, I tend to coat the crust with olive oil.

          What are you looking to get from the crust? I love when it’s slightly burned/blackened from a wood oven.

          1. What is ‘OO’ pizza flour?

            I think I’d be happy if I knew how to get a thin crust and a more traditional, puffy crust.

            Also, do you guys use yeast?

            1. It’s an Italian-style, ultra-fine grind. I’ve never worked with it, but I’ve heard good things.

            2. The basic thick crust recipe that I use

              It’s a decent base for starting out because it’s about as simple as you can get. I like bumping the whole wheat flour to 2.5 or 3 cups, because a 1:2 wheat to white ratio gives good rise and chew.

              This recipe is like training wheels. You can do all sorts of fun stuff with it, but the real fun doesnt start until you pull the training wheels off.

              I use this recipe when I want to freeze a ton of dough for quick Friday night Pizza dinners.

              1. The basic thick crust recipe that I use

                They were discussing pizza. What is this thing with “thick crust” to which you refer?

                1. I just like enjoying my toppings on something more than a giant round matzos cracker.

        3. I have an awesome crust recipe. It’s from an Italian baking cookbook. I will try my best to bring it in and post it tomorrow, JEP. It’s very simple (water yeast oil and salt, but I forget the exact amounts). I have never had better crust at any restaurant anywhere ever.

          1. I’ll be looking for it.

              1. /takes the next number

        4. I started to write my wife’s wonderful crust recipe, but it ended up getting way too long. I’ll share the detailed instructions if anyone wants, but will probably do it via email – I’m entirely too long winded to post in the thread…

          Her recipe is as good, if not better, than any of the pizza we ate while living in Europe…

      3. Pepperoni, sausage, bacon, olives, green pepper, and extra cheese. I’m eating it, stop worrying about me or if my pizza is greasy.

    3. I fucking love greasy pizza.

        1. Pizza is hands down my favourite food. I even like it more than poutine.

          1. I’ve never had poutine, but pizza is also the highest ranking food on my list.

            1. I’ve never had poutine

              Most distressing thing I’ve read all day!

            2. Poutine is disgusting. It could only have been created by Canadians.


          /2nd grade

          1. Maybe I will!

            /stomps off


            Jesse, of all people I thought a gay man raised in an evangelical family would know better than to insult the sexual proclivities of others.

            There’s nothing wrong with Riven’s pizza-sexuality, you pizzaphobic shitlord.

            1. The main problem in marrying pizza is that no one will bake you anything for the wedding.

            2. Stow your butthurt, Irish. Pizza has been waiting years for Riven to pop the question and she’s been too chickenshit. I was exhorting her to put a ring on it.

              1. Look, I’m just not ready for a long term commitment again so soon. Pizza understands that and accepts me the way I am.

                1. You say that now but Pizza’s love grows stale. You may find it cheesy but Pizza gets sauced every night that it’s left a crusty old bachelor.

                  1. Maybe true for GAY pizza. Not for MANLY MAN CHICK-BANGING pizza!

                    1. Because women love nothing more than cramming something warm and yeasty into their nethers.

                    2. For a gay man, this is a surprisingly apt statement.

                    3. I can assure you that there is nothing in this world that my wife would rather cram into herself than pizza.

            3. Pizza is the sacrament, which transubstantiates into the body of our Creator.

              Unless it’s deep dish, in which case it just transmutes into turds.

              1. *Riven comes home one night to find pizza in bed with lasagna, their saucy goodness sprayed all over the sheets.*

                1. Sounds like the kind of storyline in which I’d also end up with amnesia in a day or so.

                  1. No that’s when you find out you’re pregnant with the Pizza Devil, who in a twist is actually the product of a black mass by your orangutan roommate.

                    Christ I watched too much Passions stoned in university.

                2. Calzone! Take me away!

                  1. Ancient Chinese secret, eh?

                3. Dear Penthouse Letters…

      1. Greasy is good when done right.

        My brother in law’s mother makes an incredible greasy pizza like a true-blue Neapolitan. It’s fucking awesome.

    4. Maybe I’ll order pizza tonight. Any of you LA reasonoids have a good recommendation?

      We love Fresh Brothers, but its so expensive. Anything comparably good for cheaper?

      1. In my area Pedone’s or Valentino’s is the way to go but they’re fairly local.

        You need Los Doyers. The man has an encyclopedic knowledge of food in LA.

        1. Wait…we’re calling him a “man” now?

          1. This is why I need a professional copy-editor in my life, AND AN EDIT BUTTON.

            1. I can only help you with one of those things.

        2. Somebody summon me? How can I assist in your foodie adventures, a better weapon?

          1. Do you lack a belly button, foodie genie?

            1. It’ll cost you one wish to find out…

              1. Hmm. I don’t want to get Monkey’s Paw’d. Why don’t you come over and we’ll discuss the formulation of this wish over drinks.

                *Digs out jug of rohypnol, labels it “bitters”*

  19. I hear there will be some kind of speech on TV tonight, that nobody will be watching.

    1. Hope… change… Hope… change… Hope… change… Hope… change…

      … repeat ad nauseam.

      1. Let me be clear, there are some who say _________.

        Hope … change

  20. Kimmel finds people who don’t know MLK:…..jr-is-dead

    Yeah. That’s not good. Especially considering they have a vote.

    1. People still use Digg?

      1. If by ‘people’ you mean me than no. I just googled and took the first link. Not gonna spend a second more than I need to for this.

    2. He’s that guy who nailed that note to the church door right?

      1. He’s a junior, so he’s that guy’s son…

      2. Oh, please, John, 90% of the population probably doesn’t know anything about Luther. That was like, over a hundred years ago!

        1. Leave Lex Luthor out of this!

    3. Still climbing the mountain…

    4. How could anybody who had experienced week’s spell of sentience during the last 45 years in the USA not know who MLK was?

  21. Seth Rogan Compares American Sniper film to Nazi Propaganda;

    Insists People Calling Him ‘Asshole’, ‘Douchebag’, ‘Moron’, etc. Are Like Totally Over-Reacting, So Like, Chill Dude

    Once again proving =

    Twitter: The Most Powerful Idiot-Amplification Device Ever Created

    1. No. Sounds about right to me.

      He’s acting like a complete, stupid CANADIAN douche.

      1. Oh, snap!

      2. I like his hardcore back peddling after people start to call him out.

        “I just said something “kinda reminded” me of something else. I actually liked American Sniper. It just reminded me of the Tarantino scene.”

        Bullshit. What a coward.

    2. Rogan hasn’t been in a hit in years. What kind of drugs was he using that caused him to think saying something that would piss off most of the American movie audience was a good idea?

      Rogan’s movies suck and his days of getting leading parts are numbered as it is. Getting half to country to say “fuck him I will never go to one of his movies again” doesn’t strike me as a smart career move. Worse, Rogan has no acting talent to speak of. So its not like he can fall back on making Indie movies. Those movies only hire has been movie stars who are actual actors.

      1. What kind of drugs was he using

        It’s called “Los Angeles”

        and it rots your brain

        1. Hurtful, GILMORE. Some of us flower in this adversity.

          1. I was channeling Raymond Chandler

            “LA – a city like a heavily made-up old woman. Attractive as long as you’re far enough away from it.”

            To be fair – I’ve never really spent much time there at all. Downtown LA a half dozen times on business, a few trips to places around there. Malibu, Long Beach. Never any extended stay.

          2. Next you’ll be telling me you love using the three seashells.

      2. Pineapple Express was good.

        Superbad too.

        1. Those are both almost ten years old. And Suberbad was unwatchable. It was okay until after about ten minutes I just wanted to punch that obnoxious fat kid.

          1. You have shitty taste in movies.

            1. No I don’t. I wanted to like Super Bad. I thought it would be good. But it just sucked. You really want to die on the hill of a movie starring Micheal Cera is good? You really want to go there cytotixic?

              1. Yup. Superbad was supergood. The hell is wrong with Cera? He was in Arrested Development. Your taste is so bad I would not be surprised if you hated that too.

            2. Coming from you, that’s a compliment.

              1. Nope. Stop that. My taste in movies (and much else) is near perfect.

                1. You’re a legend in your own mind, at least.

      3. Well, the thing is that he was funny for all of 15 minutes. He’s never really had much beyond his usual fat-guy stoner schtick. My impression is that he’s been trying to compensate by being the funny guy for the social justice set.

      4. Eh, he’s probably strengthening his brand for the kind of people who see his movies anyways.

        I doubt anyone who sees American Sniper was ever interested in his movies in the first place.

      5. Rogan [sic] hasn’t been in a hit in years.

        Neighbors (2014) grossed $268 million on an $18 million budget; This is the End (2013) brought $126 on $32.

    3. So, is there a citation that actually has him comparing American Sniper film to Nazi Propaganda? Cuz that tweet certainly doesn’t.

      1. Yeah, I’m with you on this. He’s totally innocent of intentionally implying similarity.

        Still, shoulda recognized he was going to stick his foot in his mouth or acknowledged that he did it rather than the usual, 12-yr.-old-esque, indignant, “Nuh-uh. Shutup!”

        1. If, as you say below, American Sniper is gushing with the tragedy of war and the abhorrence of violence, then I doubt he was talking about them both being propaganda films.

          Maybe he was referring to the level of violence?

          Sounds like people searching for something to be outraged about, to me.

      2. “Cuz that tweet certainly doesn’t.”

        He was comparing American Sniper to the propaganda film shown in the last act of Inglorious Basterds

        I’m not saying that ‘outrage’ is justified, but he was absolutely comparing the Eastwood film to “footage of a Nazi sniper massacring piles of people”

        At the very least its an appallingly stupid comment

      3. Yeah, maybe I’m just missing something since I haven’t seen either movie, but I don’t see the huge deal.

    4. The funniest part is he couldn’t be more obviously wrong, American Sniper is gushing with the tragedy of war and the abhorrence of violence.

      I suppose Rogan thought ‘Death Of a Salesman’ was about the joys of fatherhood?

      1. I suppose Rogan thought ‘Death Of a Salesman’ was about the joys of fatherhood?

        It is comments like this one that keep me coming back to this horrible, wonderful place!

        Truly well done sir!

  22. Well, so long as the nationalists mix in a little socialism, what could go wrong?

    Perhaps the good folks of Europe have concluded there are worse fates than being ruled by National Socialists. Like being ruled by Enlightened Liberals, for instance. Can’t say I entirely blame them.

    1. I can entirely blame them, as would any sane person.

  23. 19th century boondoggles not just for California any more!

    High speed train proposed between Portland and Vancouver

    A group based in Portland is lobbying local governments for a high speed train that would connect the Cascadia region, from Vancouver to Portland.

    Perkins said it would take a public-private partnership to fund the train, and the first phase of construction would only run between Seattle and Portland, which would cost from $18 billion to $22 billion, according to Perkins.

    The second phase would continue the line into B.C.


      1. naturally, it will fall apart in the planning process because i sincerely doubt there’s anyone left who actually knows how to swing a hammer in those places

        Even the illegal immigrants have their own lifestyle blogs

        1. I also doubt they’ve heard of the Cascadia Subduction Zone.

    2. They want to link Canada and the USA?

      Isn’t that asking for trouble?

      I can totally see fights between Canucks and Trail Blazers fans for no reason.

    3. I’ve heard rumblings here of Dallas-Houston and Dallas-Austin high speed lines. What’s with this push for trains? I love trains, but railroads have been a losing venture since the 50s

      1. Progs like trains because they hate freedom. Seriously. Cars are messy and allow people to go whenever and wherever they want. Trains put everyone in a steel tube on an organized controlled schedule. This makes them irresistible to Progs.

        1. Well and of course the unionized workforce.

        2. I’m not a prog and I like trains. In the right area, they are a good solution. Too bad they’re only building boondoggles now.

          1. I don’t dislike trains. I just don’t want to force people to pay for them. If trains can make money, great. I am sure you feel the same way.

            The progs don’t care if they make money. They want people on trains and out of cars.

            1. Fair enough – I just like to point out when you’re laying it on a little thick.

        3. Dagny Taggart is a total prog.

      2. Freight and cargo trains are still a solid business (I think).

        1. Ugh, I heard a snippet of NPR this weekend in which they were interviewing this poor framer who couldn’t get his government-subsidized corn to market because the trains were all hauling oil tankers. The upshot was that ever since the train industry was completely deregulated (they may not have said completely, but they sure acted as though that was the case) so many years ago, poor slobs like this guy were getting fucked so someone else could make a profit.

      3. What’s with this push for trains?

        In very high-density population centers (Japan & Europe) they can be very effective for getting around.

        There ain’t no place in the US that can support that kind of service. But progs view this as “moral” failure, not a demographics problem.

    1. white guy explains = don’t care/fuck off

    2. I met my new roommates on Craigslist. Two white, one Chinese. … I was excited for the potential of cross-cultural exchange. We had a get-to-know you powwow on the rooftop.

      Emphasis added. RACIST!

      1. Oh, it gets worse.

        “After arriving in New York, I became an intern at Essence, a magazine so safe I likened my boss to an aunt.”

        So she’s calling her boss an Aunt Jemima?

        And she says she’s tired of suppressing her blackness, and she’d like to go and fry some chicken.

        But serious, even without the fried chicken, her self-imposed stress could give her a heart attack.

    3. These articles are like little romance novels.

  24. Masterpiece Theatre doing a Wolf Hall series. Fuck yeah.

    1. That looks very good. Fuck yeah is right.

    2. Cromwell was arraigned under a bill of attainder and executed for treason and heresy on Tower Hill on 28 July 1540. The King later expressed regret at the loss of his chief minister.

      Kings are funny creatures.

      1. Cromwell was the bag man for whacking Ann Boleyn. He is a real example of live by the sword die by the sword.

        1. History is a bad imitation of a Martin Scorsese movie.

      2. Henry VIII did that a lot – he wakes up one morning with a hangover and a recollection of arguing with his wife or his old friend. Then he goes to find the person and apologize, only to learn, “you Majesty, you had him/her beheaded.” And Henry is like, “I hate it when that happens!”

        1. Mostly, he whacked anyone who could point out that the Tudors were carpet bagging Welsh Usurpers and cattle thieves with no claim to the thrown.

          1. Sure, but he also found time to hire the executioner to give him two quickie royal divorces. No child-support payments or anything!

            1. Queens and princesses are in the business of producing male heirs. If they can’t do their jobs, they shouldn’t take the crown.

              1. Back then, how would they know in advance?

                1. It was a hard life back then. But hey, the future of the kingdom depended on a male heir.

                  1. Well, I don’t particularly like Queen Elizabeth, but she was basically as good as a male Protestant in similar circumstances.

              2. Except it’s not at all clear that the women were the problem.

          2. To be fair, you kind of have to do this if you’re king. That guy calling you a usurper has a good chance of wanting to be the next usurper.

      3. The Duke of Norfolk and other nobles who were enemies of Cromwell basically managed to convince the king that the lousy commoner in their mist was a traitor. Henry later realized that Cromwell was a hell of a lot more competent than most of the people damning him.

        1. Of course, there’s not a lot of reason to believe that Cromwell was particularly more competent than Thomas Moore. So, live by the sword die by the sword, I guess.

    3. Dammit Mantel make that third book already! Cromwell’s not going to chop his own head off!

  25. fingered a new villain: pizza


    1. Soon, pizza will send out for YOU!

  26. Video: Some Americans Think Martin Luther King Just Died

    First African-American to walk on the moon?

    Almost three decades after Americans first observed Martin Luther King Day, some beachgoers in San Diego believe that the civil rights leader only just died, with others thinking that King was the first African-American to walk on the moon.…..just-died/

    1. “How are you celebrating the King holiday?”

      “I’m reading Cujo and Christine, some of King’s best work.”

      1. Not The Stand?

        Eh, I guess it’s a little long for just one day.

        1. Eh, the TV series was good.

          But the novels from the 70s are really the cream of the crop.

  27. Paris Mayor says she will sue Fox News

    because they said that there are “no-go zones” in Paris, because those areas are highly populated by Muslims who aren’t friendly to non-Muslims.

    Even UK Prime Minister David Cameron took exception to claims about Birmingham, England being labeled as such. I asked a friend over there in England about it. She said that Birmingham is like 85% Muslim or Indian, and she gets harasssed when she visits. So, Cameron may not like to hear the truth.

    1. I lived in Birmingham for 4 years. It is not 85% Muslim or Indian. Nobody harassed me.

      The real reason it’s a no-go zone is because there’s just fuck all there, especially considering it’s the UK’s “second city”.

    2. They really are scary, scary these meek politicians.

    3. Even UK Prime Minister David Cameron took exception to claims about Birmingham, England being labeled as such.

      What a tea bagging lie. Next they will be saying there are Muslim adolescent girl rape rings that the authorities refuse to do anything about. I mean, such a thing is impossible right?

  28. For you pizza enthusiasts. Montreal style pizza with smoked meat. I made it not too long ago and it was a blast to eat. Yeah, it breaks the Neapolitan code but meh. I’m a fucking Molisana-Calabrese:

    1. I would straight wreck that.

    2. Looks delicious Harry… I mean Rufus…

      1. That’s how I always pictured him

    3. Anything with smoked meat can’t be too bad. And they do bagels up there. They should be able to do good pizza dough.

      1. Montreal has its hot spots for sure.

    4. Mediocre.

    5. Shouldn’t it have mayo or something on it? Is Montreal known for their salted cured meats?

      1. Mayo on smoked meat?


        Mustard, cole slaw, pickles. Any combo of each.

  29. Uncle Joe does it again!

    The second time she met Biden, he told her: “Well, you have beautiful eyes, Miss Orr,” she recalled.

    That’s a little…creepy.

    1. She should have responded, “All the better to see you with.”

  30. Reason columnists and commentators are being generally dismissive of even the idea of a State of the Union Address

    But in purely political terms, how can it not assist the President?

    He will advance all manner of populist left wing measures that while are completely out of the question in this congress, will undoubtedly be popular.

    The majority are always in favor of taxing…other people… to their own benefit.

    The narrative of a “fighting President” that is “Back in his stride” is irresistible to the Press.

    1. But in purely political terms, how can it not assist the President?

      Of course, organized theatrics like the SOTU will enhance the cult of the presidency.

      It is good that there are people who see this, and dismiss such nonsense.

    2. The “populist left wing measures” are not popular at all. No one I know wants higher taxes.

  31. the nice folks at ISIS say they’ll kill two Japanese hostages unless the government in Tokyo coughs up $200 million.

    Would they accept an express delivery of $200mm worth of high explosives?

    1. Let the Japanese go Japanese on their sorry asses. The US had gotten a bit fat dumb and lazy fighting these savages and forgotten that there are some real war like people out there. The Japanese are one of them or used to be. I imagine they could be again.

      1. Be careful what you wish for.

  32. Not sure if this has been posted, but these are words actually said by a protestor at Vanderbilt:

    What I’m really trying to show her is that she can’t continue to say these kinds of things on a campus that’s so liberal and diverse and tolerant.

    Link at Instapundit. Some times it does feel like activists are just trolling.

  33. A Facebook friend is already ranting about the GOP response to the State of the Union. “It’s not a ‘pre-buttal,’ it’s an attack! And don’t they want to help the poor? Did they learn nothing from the Depression??” Yeah, we learned that government welfare is expensive and often makes things worse. Not that I’m going to try to explain it to her….

    1. Just update your FB profile picture to an AK-47 and/or a religious book of your choice. (with the exception of the Koran, which is subject to a multiculturalism exception to liberal outrage.)

  34. Israel to Iran =

    Dude… We’re like so sorry we killed your Military Leader…. when we bombed those terrorists in Syria… wow, what a terrible coincidence…must have just been passing by, right?

    Iran Not Happy With Apology

    ” “These martyrdoms proved the need to stick with jihad. The Zionists must await ruinous thunderbolts,” “

    because, like, 30 years of Funding Hezbollah? That was just foreplay.

    1. Also = re: the ‘Ruinous Thunderbolts’, Iran?

      Israel Already Has Those

      Israel/Iranian relations sometimes remind me of this scene; naturally with the Israelis in the Wyatt Erp role

      1. The Daily Mail had a story claiming that some Israeli general thinks Hezbollah and Iran are gearing up to invade the Galilee. Yeah…I don’t see that happening. They have this ‘Syria’ problem right now.

    1. Dr Lizardo misses SerenadaRobbie Gonzalez
      Sunday 11:22am

      I think that they didn’t just prove that 80% of Americans are scientifically illiterate; we sort of knew that already and Somin gives a competent defense of it. What they really proved is that it is easy to manipulate people who don’t know jack about a topic to make them believe whatever the hell you want to believe and that is much, much more frightening. Because then we ask those people who have no clue what they are talking about to make binding decisions about the very things they know nothing about, so the decision is influenced more by PR firms than facts.

      I wonder how this dude votes.

      1. Yeah. And I am sure he is quite an expert on the evils of global warming, vaccines and GMOs. I bet that guy is all about the science.

        1. Lizardo is the prime io9 commenter

          1. Okay? I don’t know what that means.

            1. He might not necessarily be the most prolific commenter on i09 but his views are the distillation of the opinions there.

              So yes, he holds all of the “correct” views on climate change.

              Although I do think he actually does espouse responsible views on vaccines and GMOs.

              1. What a sorry existence it must be to “hold all of the correct” views on any website. Seriously, what is the point if you can’t gore a few sacred cows once in a while?

                1. With the in crowd, he’s the innest.

    2. This is why I only eat inorganic matter. I prefer my nutrition silica rather than carbon based.

      1. So which Cylon model are you?

        1. Tyrol ended up a Cylon, right? Probably him. Short, squat, brooding and prone to poor decision making.

          1. MARRY, FUCK, KILL: the seven models?


    3. I’m a member of a few gardening Facebook groups, and a guy posted that study on one of them. The butthurt from the “organic non-GMO heirloom natural” crowd was enough to require a tanker truck of Preparation H.

      Of course, these are the same idiots asking if their tomato and kale seeds are GMO free. (they all are because genetically modifying a plant is fucking expensive)

    4. Eh, this goes back to all those fake ‘ban dihydrogen monoxide’ petitions. Just general scientific ignorance and a fear of ‘chemicals’ pushed by naturalist movements.

  35. Someone please troll Jezebel with this.

    In an experiment that involved sending out more than 2,500 resumes either with or without photos of the applicant, economics researchers Bradley Ruffle at Ben-Gurion University and Ze’ev Shtudiner at Ariel University Centre sought to answer the question of whether being good looking could help you find a job. The answer surprised them: Not if you’re a woman. Pretty women faced an uphill struggle to get a chance at a job.

    The economists hadn’t reckoned on the fact that 93 percent of the HR staffers deciding whether to call in someone for an interview were female. It turns out that HR women (who also tend to be young and single and hence still in the dating market for men) are eager to meet with handsome men. But they’re jealous of beautiful women. So your business is losing out on talented people (and wasting time with untalented ones) based on their looks.…..partments/

    1. But, see, it’s actually the Patriarchy to blame. You just can’t see that because you’re a male oppressor. The HR women are oppressed by the Patriarchy because men just aren’t readily available at all times for her needs and won’t devote their total attention only to her. So she cannot let her competition get hired.

      1. The most privileged group of people in society are, young attractive, educated white women. They rule over all. The most oppressed and disadvantaged group are nerdy guys, old broads and fat women.

        Feminism is nothing but an ideology whose single purpose is to ensure that never changes.

        1. Life is much easier when you’re a young, pretty, white woman. Being educated is just icing on the privileged cake.

          1. My mother said that people held her age against her much more than they ever held her being a woman against her. And she was very much a middle class attractive young white woman in her day. So she saw the privilege and lost it when she got older. I remember she used to say in response to feminists screaming about Playboy that they were just angry they were too homely to ever get invited to pose.

            1. On one hand, it is nice to be working in a male dominated industry because there’s only very few other women. Granted, they’re all going to hate each other, but at least there aren’t that many.

              On the other hand, I get called “Honey” and “Sweetie” so frequently you’d think it was my name.

              1. You are a woman right? Wow. I honestly have never heard a man do that at work. Seriously. I only have ever heard such names used by middle aged or older southern black women when talking to men.

                1. Or any race of woman over 40 in Texas.

                2. Eh. It’s just one the fringe benefits of working in construction/mining/ag equipment, I guess. I’ll take “honey” to “girl,” which was incredibly common during the 8 months I did live in the south.

                  1. Oh! One thing that I do find hilarious is the habitual swearing. It’s never bothered me and I’ve never complained, but if I’m around and one of our sales guys lets loose a four-letter word, he’ll apologize to me specifically

              2. Stop dressing like a hooker then!

                You know it is those jumpers and sweaters you wear you hussie.

            2. I have a dear friend who earned an MBA from a pestegious school and was homecoming queen. Met her whe she was 22. Tall, blonde, OMG! We’d walk through the skyways to go to lunch and every fucking head would turn. Every head. It was the weirdest thing to experience. She’s now in her forties and while still attractive (and very successful) that no longer happens. She has to notice.

              1. Some middle aged journalist wrote in response to the cat calling video that the woman in it needs to check her youth privilege, since the biggest fear expressed by women over 40 is being sexually invisible to men.

    2. As a male in a typically male dominated field, finding out the talent acquisition people are cock blocking you is depressing news.

      1. And undoubtedly true. Have you ever seen the kind of clam bakes HR departments are?

        You are getting the fucking moron who looks good instead of someone who can actually do the job.

        1. At my company, they are middle-aged, obese women. And they tend to hire middle-aged, obese women.

          1. Jesus, that is even worse.

            1. The kicker (we have about 10,000 emplotees) is that for heathcare, the company sef-insures, so it’s really a bad move financially for HR to keep doing that.

              1. EAP, you feel ok? Can you recite the alphabet for me?

  36. This proposition just *lost* in an Oxford Union debate:

    “Hamas is a greater obstacle to peace than Israel.”…..niversity/

    1. Apparently Oxford is now dumber than even Oberlein.

    2. I am actually someone was allowed to argue the Israeli side without being arrested for hate speech. Does the Oxford Union know that they facilitated the criminal act of criticizing Muslims and defending Jews?

    1. “yall hoes come thru and dont tell coretta”

      At least it’s tasteful.

    2. The Truckstop Wednesday’s one in Florida sounds fun, though.

  37. Honduras to Unveil First ZEDE in March…..-in-march/

  38. Free Drinks for Ladies at Last, Thank God Almighty we have Free Drinks for Ladies at Last!

  39. Nostalgia Critic calls out The Matrix for being the outdated overrated movie it is; comments section goes nuts with literally hundreds (judging from the dislike bar) of butthurt Matrix fans who apparently are the whiniest cunts on Earth.

    1. It is all of that and more. It is the most rediculous movie. First, the idea that the world is some illusion and not real is not exactly new, yet Matrix fans somehow missed the memo on that and thought it was the most amazingly original idea ever!!

      Lets not even get into the plot holes or why a race of super intelligent machines wouldn’t just kill all of the humans and get their power from nuclear or fossil fuels or something. No man, we cut off all of their solar power by blocking the sun. yeah, because solar is the wave of the future.

      God what a stupid fucking movie.

      1. Sure, and it was fun. Until they did the sequels.

        1. It was fun. The problem was its fans didn’t quite understand that is all it was.

          1. Equilibrium did it better.

            1. Equilibrium gets closer to the truth every year. Never thought they would really ban light bulbs.

              1. It’s like statists watch dystopian films for tips.

        2. Reloaded was not that bad. Revolutions OTOH…

          1. Reloaded actually had some cool ideas that made sense, like the old repurposed killer programs (albino twins). Too bad that got overshadowed by ‘symbolism’ bullshit which is always the LCD of art.

            1. I liked the parallels between computer programs and mythology. The first movie didn’t really get into that kind of thing.

              Like the thug that the French program’s wife killed in the library to get to the key maker…he was notoriously difficult to kill, but she kept a silver bullet in her gun implying he was werewolf.

          2. Here’s Reloaded’s redeeming feature:


            1. Best sequence of the series.

      2. Using humans for an energy source isn’t just stupid, it’s a thermodynamics FAIL. We CONVERT energy we don’t generate it.

        A much better idea would be if the robots wanted to study our brains and minds to come up with much better computers (our brains are the best computers) and so hooked people up to a network, AND The Matrix was a product of everyone’s collective dreaming. We wouldn’t just be in The Matrix, but we would be The Matrix.

        1. “We wouldn’t just be in The Matrix, but we would be The Matrix.”

          *Cytotoxic hits bong, explains his theory of the universal overmind*

          1. “In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful dim-witted idea in the entire history of science fiction. But it turned out to be true!”

          2. LOL. I mean if you link up a bunch of minds and let them fill up the virtual world with whatever they think of, like the dreamworld of Inception. Now there’s a movie that will never age and deserves every quantum of praise it gets. HAIL NOLAN

            1. Inception was so terrible and boring that I fell asleep during it.

              1. Get out.

        2. Yeah, there is that whole conservation of energy thing. We can only generate as much energy as we take in.

          Yeah, it was really retarded.

          1. Yeah, but we can convert pizza to energy, and pizza is worthless to machines. Unless they need the oil or something.

        3. Using humans for an energy source isn’t just stupid

          To be fair, this was not the original idea, which was that the Matrix was created by using all those human brains as distributed processors. Which would make sense. The use of them for “energy” was imposed on the filmmakers by the money people, who thought nobody would understand the original idea.

      3. It doesn’t matter if an idea is not new, so long as it’s explored in an interesting way or the movie is fun. I’d say the first Matrix movie is both. It’s not high art, but it’s pretty slick and moves along quite well. There are times when you may think it wants you to take it seriously, and then there’s some bonkers moment that reminds you to just have fun.

        That said, it is pretty dated and certainly has an audience that rates it way too highly. It feels very much of its time. Whereas, for example, The AV Club today did a small piece on The Last of the Mohicans, which came out years before The Matrix but doesn’t feel similarly dated.

        1. moves along quite well.

          I found the pacing to be pretty uneven.

          1. I used to think that, but I started watching it on TV last year and was surprised at how quickly it moved. I think my memory was inflating how long certain scenes were; visiting the Oracle and all that wasn’t as slow as I had remembered. Considering how much it has to establish, I think it’s paced well, relative to a lot of other action films.

            1. You know the TV version can have parts cut out right?

              1. It was HBO, I think. It may still have been edited down, but I doubt it was anything substantial.

      4. I think The Matrix is like the movie equivalent of The Catcher in the Rye, so it’s most popular among 15 year old boys who have finally discovered a form of the medium made by someone as immature and obnoxious as they are. It turns into an instant favorite.

        1. Also, a favorite among men who have the artistic tastes of 15 year old boys. I’ve actually heard some full grown men, who should know better, assert that The Matrix was a better action movie than Heat. Fucking Heat.

          1. I am going to choose to believe that this statement is not true.

    2. The greatest butthurt:

      “Doug you are fuckin pathetic man

      Despite of me being a huge Matrix fan the fact remains that you’re trying way too hard to make the movie look bad when I’m sure many of the movies you enjoy have become dated, cliched and downright silly.

      Aging happens to all movies dude and even then many of your critiques and jokes are really minor in comparison to the overall experience which is subverted by the movies presentation, you can apply plot holes and inconsistencies to practically any movie and make it look bad, and you have failed in doing that here simply because of the fact that the movie does an adequate in explaining the concepts of the matrix.

      And as for your point about the reason why the matrix was designed the way it was as opposed to a dreamlike reality was outright stated in the scene where Smith interrogated Morpheus in which he said That the matrix at one point was designed to be a paradise however no human would accept the program because the human mind could perceive the concept of paradise to be unrealistic.

      Look I’m fine that you dislike the matrix and that’s fine, but going out of your way to make the movie look worse than it actually is does nothing more than further cement your bias as opposed to a critics perspective (and I am well aware that Doug critiques for KOMEDY AND TEH LAWLZERS but regardless it’s just bad reviewer form even for the sake of comedy.)?”

      1. You leave the Matrix alone!!

        That whole post is kind of a cry for help.

      2. That comments section makes me want a New Holocaust for Youtube commenters.

      3. “Aging happens to all movies dude”

        Not The Outlaw Jose Wales, dude.

        1. Or The Manchurian Candidate or about a hundred other actually great movies.

        2. Bonnie and Clyde has aged well.

          Casablanca has aged well.

          Everything by Kurosawa has aged well.

          That’s because all those things are awesome whereas the Matrix is overrated.

          1. Casablanca should be required viewing for everyone in high school or before.

            For the mere number of references that are made to it on a daily basis.

            Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.
            Papers, please?
            Round up the usual suspects.
            Play it again, Sam.
            etc, etc,

            1. Everyone on Earth should watch Kurosawa’s Ran.

              That is all.

          2. I like to compare 80s The Thing movie to the modern one when I’m talking about ‘aging well’. 80s The Thing ages well because the special effects were solid but also well shot by Carpenter to cover up their flaws. The new Thing throws its CGI right in your face and makes it look out of date within a year. A lot of the tricks to ‘aging well’ is just being subtle.

            1. I agree wholeheartedly. Carpenter’s The Thing is still fantastic, and not just because of Kurt Russel’s hat. And beard. And jacket. And the guy tied to the chair…and a stache-less Brimley!

        3. Or The Sand Pebbles.

    3. I like The Matrix but almost all of Doug’s criticisms are spot on and yeah it’s not that great. Dem fanboys though…

  40. That’s some great alt-text. 5/5.

    1. What the fuck are those people doing?

  41. U of M student robbed by mob of 15 to 20 women…..b-of-women

    1. Oh, the victim was a woman, too. That story just got 90% less interesting.

    2. “of M”


      …oh, Minnesota

      1. You forgot Memphis, you chowderhead.

        1. Chowderhead?

          Dear sir, I Am A New Yorker. The five words that make one the envy of the world*

          I am not from Cape Cod.

          also – its “Chowdah” Say it right!

          *(this is a reference to a speech Rudy Guliani once made which i can no longer find but is probably in here somewhere)

        2. U of M? Montreal?

  42. Pope Francis is gaining a reputation as the Joe Biden of the Roman Catholic Church.

    Pope: “I’m told Chuck Graham, state senator, is here. Stand up Chuck, let ’em see you.”

    Chuck Graham (standing up): “It’s a miracle, Your Holiness!!”

    Pope: “Oh, God love you. What am I talking about.”

  43. On the contrary, Reason folk. It’s about time that religions, and especially the world’s biggest one, accepted the fact that people will never again take seriously a command to refrain from sex outside marriage, and replaced that demand with the more sensible one, that no one should produce offspring he or she can’t support.

    30% of all US births are now in this category, and you can bet those children will grow up to do the same, if we the taxpayers continue to subsidize that behavior. Their parents are setting bad examples.

    I say, abolish AFDC/TANF (or at least make it truly temporary) at once, and put affected children into foster care instead. That way they’ll grow up to be productive citizens and not a permanent burden.

    1. It’s about time that religions, and especially the world’s biggest one, accepted the fact that people will never again take seriously a command to refrain from sex outside marriage, and replaced that demand with the more sensible one, that no one should produce offspring he or she can’t support.

      1) religion and pragmatism generally don’t belong in the same sentence

      2) one could argue that the whole traditional marriage thing was set up at least somewhat for this reason. Of course, super cheap, universal birth control was unfathomable until about 75 years ago, so they didn’t have much of a choice.

      3) 1 Timothy 5:8 – If you don’t take care of your family, you’re worse than an unbeliever.

      4) religion has very little influence on the actions of cultures anymore (at least in western nations). Even religious adherents are lukewarm about the rules and lifestyle.

      Indigent children are caused by many factors, but religion? Not nearly as much as a thousand other factors.

  44. I will definitely not be watching any addresses on TV of any sort tonight. Let me know if anyone says anything in any way lacking demagoguery.

    1. Does “My fellow Americans” count?

      1. I heard he replaced that with,


        tho i dont plan to watch.

        1. “WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!”

  45. There is a dude that knows whats up man.

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