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Aftermath of Charlie Hebdo Attack, Obama Discovers the Joys of Obstructionism, Maryland Pol Stumbles Over That First Amendment Stuff: P.M. Links

J.D. Tuccille | 1.7.2015 4:30 PM

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  • Kirby Delauter
    Kirby Delauter

    French police officials continue their search for the gunmen—assumed to be Muslim fundamentalist terrorists—who murdered 12 people at the offices of the satirical weekly, Charlie Hebdo. (Note: three arrests have reportedly been made.)

  • Republican governors nursing national aspirations find themselves simultaneously battling their own legislatures—even those controlled by fellow GOP members.
  • After years of accusing his opposition of obstructionism, President Obama has decided that the same tactic is a swell idea now that his Democrats are a minority in both houses of Congress.
  • In Maryland, Frederick County Councilman Kirby Delauter (pictured) threatened to sue news media that use his name or referred to him without his permission, thereby guaranteeing ample coverage. In response, the Frederick News-Post abandoned usual editorial page sanctimony for mockery, including an acrostic spelling his name.
  • Astronomers say they've identified several more Earth-like planets in other solar systems. The IRS is attempting to identify any lifeforms who can be tapped for taxes under creative interpretations of FATCA.
  • California drivers, already milked at the pumps, are now paying a global warming tax. That'll make you hot under the collar.
  • Forget the college kids—it's middle-aged men drinking themselves to death. Yeah, well, we have good reason to drink.

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NEXT: 'Je suis Charlie'? No, You're Not, or Else You Might Be Dead

J.D. Tuccille is a contributing editor at Reason.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Yeah, well, we have good reason to drink.

    Especially those days they make you do links.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      Hello.

      I hope France rediscovers its Medieval balls.

      1. robc   10 years ago

        What would Charles Martel do?

        1. T   10 years ago

          Well, if he had a hammer...

        2. John Titor   10 years ago

          Send them back to Spain?

        3. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

          And his son Pepin the Short!

  2. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    California drivers, already milked at the pumps, are now paying a global warming tax.

    Just lump all that crazy made-up shit together and call it the California Tax.

    1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      Remember, this is the state that has Berkeley within its borders, where a genius councilman suggested an email tax.

    2. Tonio   10 years ago

      You know who else is milked by pumps?

      1. Steve G   10 years ago

        Ron Jeremy?

      2. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

        Elderly men with erectile dysfunction?

        1. Tonio   10 years ago

          Good one!

      3. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

        Cows?

        1. HeteroPatriarch   10 years ago

          Oh, George...not the livestock!

      4. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

        Gaylord Focker from Meet the Parents?

      5. C. Anacreon   10 years ago

        The rats at Squeaky Farms?

        1. Trouser-Pod   10 years ago

          At least it wasn't Malk.

      6. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

        Ole, a dairy farmer went out to his barn one morning and found his hired man, Sven, writhing on the floor.

        It turns out that Sven had decided to slip his dick into the automated milker. Once it had slipped on, he couldn't get it off and that was the situation that Ole found him in.

        "The good news Sven is that the milker isn't going to cause an damage to your Johnson," said Ole.

        "Yah? What is the bad news?"

        "Well the thing doesn't shut off until it after it collects a gallon"

        1. cavalier973   10 years ago

          A father was listening to his daughter say her prayers.

          "Bless Mommy, and bless Daddy, and Grandma, and goodbye to Granpa."

          "That's weird," he thought, but didn't think anything more of it. The next day, his father died.

          A month later, his daughter prayed "Bless Mommy, and bless Daddy, and goodbye to Grandma." The next day his mother died.

          A month after that, the daughter prayed "Bless Mommy, and goodbye to Daddy." The next day, the man was a nervous wreck all day long, but nothing happened until he got home. "Anything happen today, Honey?" he asked his wife.

          "The milkman dropped dead on our front porch!"

      7. JW   10 years ago

        Young Don Johnson?

  3. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    After years of accusing his opposition of obstructionism, President Obama has decided that the same tactic is a swell idea...

    And will it be called obstructionism I wonder.

    1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      Imma say... bipartisanship?

      As in "I'm being bipartisan, but those slimy fucking bitter clingers won't do what I tell them!"

    2. JWatts   10 years ago

      "And will it be called obstructionism I wonder."

      Of course it will. Headline from the new future:

      "New York Times - President Obama was forced to veto a bill today due to Republican obstructionism. Minority Senate Leader Harry Reid when reached for comment, clarified that Republican's blocked his amendment that would have made the bill something the President would have signed. In further comments Harry Reid forcefully blamed Republican's hatred of the poor, minorities and children as the root cause."

  4. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

    After years of accusing his opposition of obstructionism, President Obama has decided that the same tactic is a swell idea now that his Democrats are a minority in both houses of Congress.

    It is high time we had a NATIONAL CONVERSATION on obstructionism. Which means Professor Obama lectures and we listen.

    1. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

      We need a brilliant Constitutional scholar to tell us that we've always been at war with Eastasia.

      1. Emmerson Biggins   10 years ago

        I'm sure Cytoxic will be along shortly.

        1. HeteroPatriarch   10 years ago

          What's with the shitting on Cyto today?

    2. The Last American Hero   10 years ago

      Hey, he's the post partisan president.

      Hope and Change baby!

  5. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    French police officials continue their search for the gunmen?assumed to be Muslim fundamentalist terrorists...

    Wouldn't it be a kick in the teeth if they were yelling Allahu Akbar for some other reason?

    1. Tonio   10 years ago

      Somebody did show up on one of the other threads with a totally tinfoil, false-flag explanation.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

        Do you have it handy to for us to read here?

        1. Tonio   10 years ago

          Ok, looking for that. There were a lot of threads on, or including, that topic today. And I don't have Sug's powers of google-fu.

          1. Tonio   10 years ago

            Can't find it. It was near the bottom of a thread, and was a handle I hadn't seen before. Just a drive-by nutter, I suspect.

          2. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

            From Google

            site:reason.com [SEARCH TERM(S)]

            Tap "Search Tools" and choose the drop down menu labeled "Any Time" to set dates.

            This massively improves in-H&R searching.

            1. Tonio   10 years ago

              Thanks, Bro.

        2. Raven Nation   10 years ago

          On a completely unrelated note...how does Sepp Blatter keep his job. Or, more to the point, how does Sepp Blatter stay out of jail.

          Or am I the unwitting dupe of an anglophone conspiracy against a great man?

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

            I have no idea.

            The corrupt twit lacks tact and class.

    2. wareagle   10 years ago

      who, other than Howard Dean, assumes them to be anything else?

      1. Tonio   10 years ago

        What is he doing these days? One never hears about him anymore...

        1. wareagle   10 years ago

          periodically pontificating on MSNBC. I saw a clip of his on RealClearPolitics.

    3. John   10 years ago

      The general consensus among many on this board is that Muslims are incapable of committing any evil at all. So, it would seem that it is almost certain the people who did this were not Muslims. I mean they have to be, right?

      1. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

        The general consensus among many on this board is that Muslims are incapable of committing any evil at all.

        WUT? Define consensus, many, "incapable of committing any evil at all".

        H&R is infested with Muzzie-lovers. I have here in my hand a list of 205?a list of names that were made known to me as being members Muzzie-lovers and who nevertheless are still commenting and shaping policy on H&R.

        1. HeteroPatriarch   10 years ago

          John seems to have been so upset by the Paris massacre that he forgot his meds today.

          1. cavalier973   10 years ago

            He didn't take his mess to ought.

      2. The Laconic   10 years ago

        Yes, "a general consensus among many" meaning that to the extent there is more than one person who believes that, they are in consensus.

  6. rts   10 years ago

    Domestic Disturbance Ends with Fatal Shooting of Burlington Woman

    The newspaper account goes on to quote a neighbor and witness saying it appeared the shooting of Steele was an accident, happening as the officer shot at the family's German Shepherd?which had startled him?and the officer slipped and fell in the snow.

    1. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

      Huh, no mention of the German Shepherd biting the officer.

      Did they cite the family for not shoveling the snow?

    2. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

      What a brave man. Thank god this hero went home safe.

    3. JW   10 years ago

      I see no mention in the article of the feces and urine soaked snowpack where the cop fell.

  7. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    The IRS is attempting to identify any lifeforms who can be tapped for taxes under creative interpretations of FATCA.

    Just post the links and leave the jokes to the commenters.

  8. rts   10 years ago

    Pedestrian struck by Kauai police car dies

    The man was first struck at about 9:30 p.m. Saturday by an eastbound vehicle on Kaumualii Highway near the Kaumakani Post Office.

    An officer responding to the scene in a police vehicle heading eastbound apparently struck the man again, the release said.

    The victim, who has not been identified, was taken to Wilcox Memorial Hospital where he died.

    1. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

      Good strike.

      hth

    2. Smilin' Joe Fission   10 years ago

      But did the officers get home safely??

      /policeone

      1. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

        Yeah, but there was this really strange thumping noise coming from under his car. Like there was something stuck under there.

  9. DEG   10 years ago

    Phylicia Rashad speaks about the allegations against Bill Cosby.

    I found this quote interesting given the talk about Cosby goring Progressive oxen:

    "Forget these women," Rashad said. "What you're seeing is the destruction of a legacy. And I think it's orchestrated. I don't know why or who's doing it, but it's the legacy. And it's a legacy that is so important to the culture."

    Emphasis mine.

    1. db   10 years ago

      Some sort of vast conspiracy?

      1. DEG   10 years ago

        A left-wing conspiracy this time.

    2. Heroic Mulatto   10 years ago

      I shall never forget the words of my high school Physics teacher, who went to some bra museum and made it a point to tell me that he saw Phylicia Rashad's bra. According to him, "She has big ones".

      1. DEG   10 years ago

        She doesn't have a boobpedia page.

        1. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

          I thought that you made that up.

          http://www.boobpedia.com/boobs/Main_Page

      2. C. Anacreon   10 years ago

        Do you remember when Ahmad Rashad proposed marriage to Phylicia on national television during the pregame show of a Thanksgiving Day football game?
        Last I heard he was dating Valerie Jarrett, of all people.

        Could noted snake-in-the grass Valerie be involved at all in tarnishing the legacy of Cosby, which also gets at his TV 'wife', the ex of her boyfriend? Hmmm.

        1. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

          My Ahmad Rashad memory is this moment where the Browns didn't let him down.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwWdA-o04sg

      3. Trouser-Pod   10 years ago

        According to him, "She has big ones".

        Ladies and gentlemen: This is why I absolutely adore HM's posts.

    3. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      A few years ago, I'd have laughed at that suggestion. Now, who knows? The Big Lie is definitely a weapon in the arsenal these days.

      1. wareagle   10 years ago

        that many women who have no real connection to each other? It's one thing if there is one accusation or a couple, but the numbers here do not make Bill look good.

        1. db   10 years ago

          The difference is Cosby doesn't have the hearts and minds of opinion makers like Clinton did.

          1. wareagle   10 years ago

            but Clinton had a perpetual reputation for being a dog. Cosby not so much. At worst, he occasionally scolded blacks for self-inflicted wounds.

            1. HeteroPatriarch   10 years ago

              occasionally scolding blacks for self-inflicted wounds is seen as heresy in some circles.

        2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          No, I think it's highly unlikely, but I'd have once thought it was impossible.

        3. Bill Dalasio   10 years ago

          I don't think pure numbers tells you much. One or two coming forward establishes credibility and then it's easy to jump on the bandwagon.

      2. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

        I saw a couple of the women on Dr. Phil. So, on the one hand, only media whores go on Dr. Phil. On the other hand, they were very believable and matter-of-fact.

  10. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

    Astronomers say they've identified several more Earth-like planets in other solar systems. The IRS is attempting to identify any lifeforms who can be tapped for taxes under creative interpretations of FATCA.

    FATCA? To targets FATCATS?

    The 99% are all for it, aren't they?

  11. db   10 years ago

    Can French people afford boats for the terrorists to hide in?

    1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      Some of them could afford boats, but I heard that they sailed across the English channel once Hollande imposed a 75% "social justice" tax.

  12. Matrix   10 years ago

    Jezzie's don't want kids posting sex selfies on the internet

    That's all well and good. But they do not address the problem of using laws, which were established to protect children, to punish them for victimizing themselves.

    1. Carl ?s the level   10 years ago

      I just think it should be illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to have a cell phone. Or a cell phone with any capabilities beyond calling and text-only messaging, at least.

      Is that bad?

      Nope. That is how I plan to do it with my kids. You need to prove that you are responsible enough to have a smartphone and data plan

      No. Not bad at all. My daughter is 9 now. My wife and I have agreed that when she turns 12, is in junior high, and thus may be expected to get herself to and/or from school (all of a mile from our house) and/or spend a few hours alone in the afternoon, we will give her a phone so that we can keep tabs on her (especially as we don't have a landline). It will have the capability to make and receive phone calls and text messages. Period. Until she is old enough to pay for it herself, there will be no smartphone/data plan.

      Parenting methods other than my own should be banned!!!

      1. wareagle   10 years ago

        and the bad part is that there is nothing wrong with what these folks plan for their own children. But that's never enough, is it.

      2. Irish   10 years ago

        Goddammit, Carl! I specifically avoid Jezebel's comments, but now they've invaded H&R.

        1. Carl ?s the level   10 years ago

          They didn't invade, I invited them in.

          1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

            Like vampires.

      3. Agammamon   10 years ago

        when she turns 12, is in junior high, and thus may be expected to get herself to and/or from school (all of a mile from our house) and/or spend a few hours alone in the afternoon,

        This person thinks this is a reasonable way to raise kids?

      4. Puddin' Stick   10 years ago

        I had a camera on my flip phone.

      5. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

        I'm gonna make so much money off of these fraidy-cat helicopter parents when I come out with a phone with no camera or smart features, but still looks like an iPhone.

    2. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

      Government can do no wrong in the eyes of the left. Of course it's the kids fault.

    3. Irish   10 years ago

      Oh, no way:

      "Tyranno-thesaurusAnna Merlan
      Today 1:51pm

      We have to stop criminalizing teenage dumbassness. Teens will always be stupid. That's what being a teenager is for."

      Exactly. But then this follows:

      "Stop criminalizing a crime? Stop giving these teens consequences for their actions? I think that's the whole problem. Of course, the teen brain has not fully developed and for smaller offenses the sentence should not follow them into adult hood. But can you understand the weight the victim carries in this crime, the fact that those pictures will follow her throughout her life? Three 17yr olds running a train on a 15yr old and posting pictures is not something you should shrug at."

      According to the article, EVERY TEEN who retweeted the picture could face distribution of child pornography charges and be labeled as sex offenders for life.

      For hitting a retweet button when they were 16.

      What a reasonable punishment.

      1. DEG   10 years ago

        Anna Merlan, that name is familiar...

        Oh.. right

        1. Carl ?s the level   10 years ago

          Merlan is the author of the article, not of either comment.

      2. kbolino   10 years ago

        So young women rape themselves when they voluntarily take nude pictures of their own bodies?

        That's the only remotely coherent message I can take away from that nonsense.

        I also like how victim-shaming is bad, but victim-jailing is good.

        1. Irish   10 years ago

          They're talking about the first case in that article, where a girl had consensual sex with like 4 dudes and one of them allegedly posted a picture without her consent.

          They're 17 and she was 15 so they got drilled with child porn charges.

          It's ludicrous. Child pornography laws are meant to criminalize THE ACTUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN.

          Someone will have to explain to me how a girl having sex with boys around her own age has been in any way sexually abused.

          1. kbolino   10 years ago

            Ah, OK. I misunderstood the context.

    4. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      Why is Jezebel slut shaming the childrenz

      1. Puddin' Stick   10 years ago

        It's not slut shaming when a woman does it! /sjw

  13. Matrix   10 years ago

    Boehner is punishing dissenters, despite saying he wouldn't

    Need any more proof that this guy is a petty, worthless douchebag?

    1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      I just saw Boehner's cheeks wet with tears after he read your comment.

      1. Tonio   10 years ago

        Are you sure those were tears, Hiawatha?

        1. wareagle   10 years ago

          tears of laughter for having fooled folks once more.

    2. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      Uhh phrasing.

    3. John   10 years ago

      Why shouldn't he? I don't like the guy, but it is a bit rich to think he is supposed to thank me for not liking him. If I were in the House, I wouldn't expect any favorable treatment from him.

      1. kbolino   10 years ago

        The only truly sad thing about it that there exist a few hundred thousand people who will consistently re-elect Orange Man. Of course, those people were carefully selected by a line-drawing committee, but still. They exist and in large numbers.

      2. Emmerson Biggins   10 years ago

        Ya I don't know how anybody could be surprised by this. Especially since he has already demonstrated in the past that if you are too outspoken in your criticism of him and/or TeamRed you lose your committee spots.

        That would further induce me to vote against him if I were in position to do so, but I suffer from ODD, so what the hell.

      3. Bill Dalasio   10 years ago

        Well, in theory, isn't he supposed to make committee assignments based on the best interests of the American public? Or, at least from a purely partisan standpoint, the long-term best interests of the party? In principle, it doesn't strike me that they're Boehner's to dole out.

        That said, as a practical matter of politics, this also doesn't seem like the best course of action. This kind of crap makes Boehner look like the petty douche he is. He won. And there's really no risk of these guys voting with the Democrats. All this does is tell conservatives and libertarians that they really don't have much reason to be all that excited about the Republican party.

  14. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

    Some (possibly) great news: new antibiotics found using novel technique.

    The decades-long drought in antibiotic discovery could be over after a breakthrough by US scientists.
    Their novel method for growing bacteria has yielded 25 new antibiotics, with one deemed "very promising".
    The last new class of antibiotics to make it to clinic was discovered nearly three decades ago.
    ...
    Tests on teixobactin showed it was toxic to bacteria, but not mammalian tissues, and could clear a deadly dose of MRSA in tests on mice.
    The researchers also believe that bacteria are unlikely to develop resistance to teixobactin.
    It targets fats which are essential for building the bacterial cell wall, and the scientists argue it would be difficult to evolve resistance.

    1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      Does this mean that more human life forms will be saved by new antibiotics, for the taxing pleasure of the IRS?

      1. Smilin' Joe Fission   10 years ago

        Death is the only way to escape paying US taxes.. I'm surprised death hasn't been outlawed yet.

        1. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

          If you're well-off enough, you still have to pay taxes when you die.

          "The Estate Tax is a tax on your right to transfer property at your death."

      2. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

        The IRS is an unfortunate chronic condition. Until anti-mulcting drugs are discovered, we'll just have to endure it with courage and dignity.

    2. JW   10 years ago

      Hooray! We should have these cleared by the FDA and on the market only a few years after "too late."

  15. Raven Nation   10 years ago

    Scientists once again demonstrate that the argument is not between science and non-science but between statists and non-statists:

    Scientists argue for energy reserves to be left in the ground.

    1. T   10 years ago

      It'll be safer down there.

    2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      Save our mass! Say no to mass-energy conversion!

    3. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

      From the same website, if we just spray tiny drops of salt into the air we'll be okay*.

      "Marine Cloud Brightening is a reversible geoengineering method proposed to mitigate rising global temperatures. It relies on propelling a fine mist of salt particles high into the atmosphere to increase the albedo of clouds -- the amount of sunlight they reflect back into space. This would then reduce temperatures on the surface, as less sunlight reaches Earth."

      *I have a fairly high confidence we'd be okay anyway.

      1. Irish   10 years ago

        I can see no potential negative consequence to purposefully driving down the Earth's temperature.

        Given that cold weather kills more people than hot weather, it's a particularly ridiculous idea.

        1. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

          From the article, it doesn't seem like it would be a particularly long lasting effect, i.e. the salt would rain back down into the ocean.

          "These particles, say the paper's authors, could be generated from specially built ships that could travel the world's oceans spraying salt particles into the air where they then hang in the atmosphere for several days until they return to Earth as rain."

        2. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

          My kids are with you. They got out of school today because of cold weather.

          It was -6f with wind chills in the -30F range.

          I told them they were sissies and in our day that wasn't even hat weather.

      2. John Titor   10 years ago

        To be fair, geoengineering, although ridiculous at times, is at least a step up from the 'we need to lower the standard of living to save Gaia' or the even worse 'we need to actively control the population as we are a cancer' mentalities.

        1. JWatts   10 years ago

          Two steps up. Which is why the Left is so opposed to it.

    4. GILMORE   10 years ago

      "Well you see with the models suggesting a percent of a fraction of a Celsius change in the relative air temperature per unit quadrillion the factors contributing to the concentration of greenhouse gases in the upper stratospheric continuum ..."

    5. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

      While the oil price is cheap we should just use Arab oil. When they run out we can sell or use our own.

  16. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

    It's been quite a while since I was around the PM Links. Seems a bit dead.

    1. Smilin' Joe Fission   10 years ago

      It's definitely no AM links... oh how I miss the AM links

    2. DEG   10 years ago

      It's not dead yet.

      1. Andrew S.   10 years ago

        Well, it will be soon. It's very ill.

      2. Tonio   10 years ago

        It's pining for Lucy.

        1. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

          Don't talk about pining!

      3. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

        It's getting better.

        1. BiMonSciFiCon   10 years ago

          They feel happy!

      4. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

        It will be soon as that Hawaiian cop car shows up to run it over again.

    3. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      What do you think, will SpaceX land the booster on the first try?

      1. Warty   10 years ago

        The control problem is mind-numbingly hard. I would be shocked if they do succeed on the first try, but not all that shocked. They've simulated this many millions of times by now, I'm sure.

        1. JWatts   10 years ago

          "The control problem is mind-numbingly hard. "

          Oh come on. All they have to do is miss the rest of the Earth. How hard is it to miss hitting a planet? I mean it's huge and easy to see. /wink

      2. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

        I'm going to lean towards yes, but not hard enough to bet actual money on it.

      3. Warty   10 years ago

        I sent SpaceX a resume. They did not reply. I hope their stupid rocket crashes into their stupid office and kills all their stupid faces.

        1. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

          Warty, what do you actually do (when you aren't getting jacked or in your dungeon, that is)?

          1. Warty   10 years ago

            Machine learning, computer vision, etc. Getting signals from noisy channels.

            1. hamilton   10 years ago

              Huh. I should talk to you about that some time.

              1. Warty   10 years ago

                Email me whenever.

              2. JEP   10 years ago

                Same.

              3. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

                Why Hamilton, is that the type of stuff your group is doing?

                1. hamilton   10 years ago

                  Oops. This reply is so late that none of you will see it, but yes. Automated detection of Interesting Things in biological samples (to keep it a little anonymous).

            2. Medical Physics Guy   10 years ago

              A little of the old "compressed sensing" both inside and outside the dungeon then.

        2. JEP   10 years ago

          I had a phone interview with them. They were being dicks trying to ask me trick questions to see if I was lying on my resume. It was also 9 p.m. eastern, so I was probably the last call of the day and they seemed to be making it out of courtesy rather than real interest. Maybe because they already had someone in mind for the job?

          I had just gotten out of a review session for a tough exam the next morning, so I wasn't in a particularly chatty mood.

          1. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

            I submitted my resume but never heard anything. Oddly, the entire project team working on a car did. Apparently SpaceX is more interested in people working on cars than people working on satellites, which struck me as odd.

            1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

              They must get a shitload of resumes. Even I toyed with the idea of applying for an in-house counsel position there--God knows how many space freaks come out of the woodwork.

              1. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

                I assume this is the start of our insurance company plan.

                1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

                  Exactly. Why work for the bus company when we can own the entire planet?

        3. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          They're too intimidated by your resume.

          1. HeteroPatriarch   10 years ago

            Well, when your resume is just a Magic Eye printing of a multiheaded prehensile cock, some people are bound to be intimidated.

  17. Smilin' Joe Fission   10 years ago

    I hope more people start to speak out about how the Ontario Gub'ment is doing its best to fuck over businesses

    New regulations to take effect in 2015 attack small businesses by telling responsible adults who own restaurants and bars they can't allow their adult customers to smoke on an outdoor patio, showing no respect for individual choice or investment.

    Adding to high energy prices, there is the government-raised minimum wage, plus a new provincial pension plan, which will force many employees and employers to pay into a pool the fabulous money managers of the Ontario government will administer.

    1. John Titor   10 years ago

      Man, fuck this province. Getting out the first chance I get.

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      Ontario is filled with self-righteous proggies who loathe free choice.

      1. John Titor   10 years ago

        I have no idea what you're talking about. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to the Liquor Control Board of Ontario to buy my filthy alcohol.

    3. HeteroPatriarch   10 years ago

      Shouldn't have elected Diamond Joe Quimby as the governor.

  18. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

    A few of my clients here are Parisian.

    Lemme tell ya. They don't hold back about what they think about Muslims.

    1. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      When I spent a month with a host family in France in 1987, every other word out of their mouths was something derogatory about Arabs. They're soooo enlightened and tolerant in Europe!

  19. PapayaSF   10 years ago

    I wish France would bring back the guillotine.

    1. Winston   10 years ago

      You Which Other Frenchman used the guillotine to execute people who had religious views he didn't like?

      Also the last person guillotined was a Tunisian immigrant:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamida_Djandoubi

      1. PapayaSF   10 years ago

        I would not execute them for their views, but for their actions.

    2. John Titor   10 years ago

      Hell, they only got rid of it as a form of execution in the 1960s I think.

      1. John Titor   10 years ago

        Never mind, 1977, Winston's link is interesting.

        1. Puddin' Stick   10 years ago

          It was still the specified method of execution until the French abolished the death penalty in 1981.

    3. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      Seems like a fairly humane execution method.

  20. Stickler Meeseeks   10 years ago

    "President Obama has decided that the same tactic (i.e., obstructionism) is a swell idea now that his Democrats are a minority in both houses of Congress.

    Obama has been obstructing for a while. He's just been hiding behind Harry Reid who has refused to consider bills issuing from the House. Now with Reid removed, the new leadership will dust off these bills and begin sending them to the White House. Obama is going to have to come out in the open and publicly own his obstructionism.

    1. John   10 years ago

      Yes. And now various Democrats are going to have to vote on those bills not once but twice. Once when they pass and once when they go to override dumb ass's veto. Obama is the political gift that keeps on giving for Republicans. Obama is going full retard on this one and there is nothing the Democrats or anyone else is going to do to stop him.

    2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      No, he won't. The media will still pile the blame at the feet of the Stupid Party.

      Boner will fold to imaginary pressure, and shitty bills will get forwarded up.

      BO will get what he wants and at the end of the day, blame the dummies for not giving him what we really needed.

      1. John   10 years ago

        Obama will do whatever he wants, you are correct. IT will be the Democrats who will pay the price for it. If you don't believe me, go look at how many elected Democrats at the state and federal level have been kicked out of office since light worker came into office. He is destroying the Democratic Party.

        1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

          That is correct as well; at the end of the day, it will always be all about the Bringer of Light.

  21. Andrew S.   10 years ago

    Today from The Onion: Marco Rubio says he can win Presidential election

    (What, it's real?)
    (Does somebody need to do a mental health evaluation on the good Senator?)

    1. The Last American Hero   10 years ago

      I think he can win, it's just that the chances are slimmer than the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development could become President through succession.

      Oddly enough HUD outranks Homeland Security in succession. I would not have guessed that.

      1. PapayaSF   10 years ago

        Doesn't it go by cabinet seniority? I.e. the older the departments go first.

  22. Sevo   10 years ago

    "After years of accusing his opposition of obstructionism, President Obama has decided that the same tactic is a swell idea now that his Democrats are a minority in both houses of Congress."

    Obama is a lying piece of shit who deserves to be in the sewage treatment plant.

    1. PapayaSF   10 years ago

      Also recently:

      1. "Sanctions don't work on Cuba!"
      2. "More sanctions for North Korea!"

    2. cavalier973   10 years ago

      Obama is a lying piece of shit who deserves to be in the sewage treatment plant.

      You want him to mess up the sewage system, too?

  23. Irish   10 years ago

    Long lines for women's bathrooms are evidence of patriarchy, not evidence that men and women use the bathroom differently.

    http://time.com/3653871/womens.....y-parity/#

    "Women need to use bathrooms more often and for longer periods of time because: we sit to urinate (urinals effectively double the space in men's rooms), we menstruate, we are responsible for reproducing the species (which makes us pee more), we continue to have greater responsibility for children (who have to use bathrooms with us), and we breastfeed (frequently in grotty bathroom stalls). Additionally, women tend to wear more binding and cumbersome clothes, whereas men's clothing provides significantly speedier access. But in a classic example of the difference between surface "equality" and genuine equity, many public restrooms continue to be facilities that are equal in physical space, while favoring men's bodies, experiences, and needs.

    Women aren't standing in lines because we bond over toilet paper pattern or because we're narcissistic and vain. We're standing in line because our bodies, like those of trans and queer people, have been historically shamed, ignored, and deemed unworthy of care and acknowledgement. We shouldn't have to wait or postpone having these needs fairly met in public space."

    Goddammit.

    1. Agammamon   10 years ago

      we are responsible for reproducing the species (which makes us pee more),

      Somebody failed biology.

      1. The Laconic   10 years ago

        To be charitable, I take that to mean that pregnant women need to pee more frequently.

        1. Mad Scientist   10 years ago

          Easily solved. Don't get pregnant.

      2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        I think her point was that pregnant women have to pee more often. When you're ranting and flecks of spit are flying every which way, it's sometimes to be clear and succinct.

        My point? If you need to go that bad, use the sink. And stop taking your friends with you.

        1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

          Sometimes difficult to be clear and...

    2. The Laconic   10 years ago

      I have no argument with one half of this, and a lot of argument with the other half.

    3. Agammamon   10 years ago

      Also - if you're going to bring up trans, then you don't get to bring up 'gender-equality', 'cause I don't believe for a minute that you'd tolerate a guy living as a woman using the women's facilities.

      Really, just stop bitching about it and go use the men's restroom - if its a fucking emergency, its an emergency. We're not going to complain or faint.

      I'd rather you did that than pee on the floor.

      1. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

        Really, just stop bitching about it and go use the men's restroom - if its a fucking emergency, its an emergency. We're not going to complain or faint.

        I wouldn't care if women used the men's room, but if they're gonna have no problem walking in without knocking while I'm taking a piss they shouldn't feel entitled to lock the bathroom outer door when they use it, so that I can't go in and use the urinal.

        This is currently a problem in my office building.

        1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          At Florida--well, more precisely, at bars in Gainesville--I can't remember not seeing girls in the men's room at least once in a night of drinking. Even more so at the fraternity house parties.

          1. mauricegirodias   10 years ago

            Happens in downtown St. Pete all the time as well.

    4. DesigNate   10 years ago

      If men didn't routinely take the responsibility of taking their kids to the bathroom, there wouldn't be any of those baby changing stations in men's rooms and we'd never hear a dad singing a song to try and get their kid to go. Idiot (her, not you).

    5. The Laconic   10 years ago

      You know what would have made a more interesting article? If she had actually investigated the reasons why men's and women's bathrooms are allocated the same space, instead of just jumping to sexism. It's such a lazy explanation. How about talking to an architect or two? Preferably one who actually builds things.

      In 2004, for example, new rules resulted in men waiting in line to use the bathrooms at Soldier Field in Chicago. They complained until five women's rooms were converted to men's. The result was that, once again, women's wait times doubled.

      Doubled from what, three to six seconds? What's the ratio of men to women at a Bears game?

      1. Irish   10 years ago

        And who is counting the average length of time a woman stands in line at a Bears game? Was there someone whose job it was to calculate the length of time someone stands in line for the bathroom both before and after the change in bathroom ratios?

        I call bullshit.

        I'd also like to point out that women actually do go to the bathroom to primp. Men don't do that.

        1. The Laconic   10 years ago

          Yes, women do that. But it's quite possible, even probable, that it's not the only source of differences, and maybe not even the most important source.

          Was there someone whose job it was to calculate the length of time someone stands in line for the bathroom both before and after the change in bathroom ratios?

          Yes, I believe that job is called "activist and media critic". 🙂

        2. cavalier973   10 years ago

          Womenfolk also need to stop wasting time washing their hands afterword.

    6. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

      Get with the times you losers!

      http://umnews.ur.umn.edu/news/.....GION1.html

      While the new football stadium promises to have a "traditional collegiate look and feel," don't expect the traditional lines outside of the women's restrooms.

      Minnesota law mandates that all new stadiums, arenas, concert halls, etc., must provide three female bathroom stalls for every two male bathroom stalls or urinals. Part of the "potty parity" movement, such laws are welcome news for the generations of women who have endured long lines at stadiums while waves of men did their business and still had time to buy another round of lemonade.

      1. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

        So trough urinals are about to come back in a big way in Minnesota?

        "No, building inspector, we only have one urinal in this bathroom."

        1. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

          The old Metrodome had troughs and everyone bitched and moaned about them.

          I never got the trough hate. They are super efficient way to get a lot of drunk beer guzzlers in and out of the bathroom.

          1. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

            Everyone knows that if you pee at a trough and someone glances at your junk you've just had raunchy gay sex together. It's even worse if you accidentally glance at someone's junk because then you're a double homo for starting it.

            Urinals with walls tall enough to block a basketball player's view of your junk or it's 100% Sodom and Gomorrah up in the loo.

            1. cavalier973   10 years ago

              Blast you, jesse! I'm trying desperately not to laugh out loud, so that my kids don't ask me what I'm laughing at.

      2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        Unisex them all?

      3. ant1sthenes   10 years ago

        Ah, so now I'm only 2/3rds of a person?

        1. ant1sthenes   10 years ago

          Well, until I have to go #2, then it's closer to 2/9ths.

    7. PapayaSF   10 years ago

      Additionally, women tend to wear more binding and cumbersome clothes

      And is that the result of some plot by the patriarchy as well? Cripes.

    8. Puddin' Stick   10 years ago

      So for gender equality, there need to be more restrooms for women than men, not an equal number?

      Gotcha? equality is means providing more for women than for men.

      Seriously, the author could have made a better argument the needs of that companies, in order to better serve their customers, should add more women's toilets rather than providing an equal number in a foolhardy attempt at gender equality instead of invoking a conspiracy theories.

    9. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      Yes, dealing with Aunt Flo makes a bathroom break take longer, as does dealing with hosiery and skirts and all that shit. However, I know for a fact that a healthy % of chicks spend at least a minute or two examining their hair, makeup, teeth, and clothing after washing up. Denial of that just makes the author look stupid.

  24. Agammamon   10 years ago

    French police officials continue their search for the gunmen . . .

    waitaminute - this couldn't possibly have happened. France has a strict gun control regime.

    In France, to buy a firearm, a hunting license or a shooting sport license is necessary. All semi-automatic rifles with a capacity greater than 3 rounds, all handguns and all rifles chambered in 'military' calibers, including bolt action, require permits.

    See - *permits*. For *hunting and sport shooting only*.

    1. The Laconic   10 years ago

      Clearly they need to outlaw hunting and sport shooting. Problem solved!

    2. Emmerson Biggins   10 years ago

      Duh.

      It's because they bought their guns from some Evil Cracker in some Red(neck) State.

      It the old "the whole world doesn't have all the exact same laws" loophole that all the people with common sense having to trying to close for Millennia

    3. Puddin' Stick   10 years ago

      What qualifies as a "military" caliber?

  25. Andrew S.   10 years ago

    Via Balko, a double nutpunch:

    Cop tries to shoot dog, misses, shoots and kills woman instead (in front of her 4 year old kid)

    An Iowa police officer trying to kill a dog, ended up killing a woman instead.

    Not much information is available at the moment, but we have a PINAC correspondent on the ground in Burlington, trying to obtain more details.

    According to Opposing Views:

    A woman in Burlington, Iowa, was reportedly shot and killed by a police officer outside of her home right in front of her four-year-old son.

    According to reports, 34-year-old Autumn Steele was arrested Monday night for domestic abuse. After being released from jail, Steele was told she could not return to her home without an officer to escort her. When she returned to her home to retrieve her things, she reportedly got into a dispute with her husband Gabriel as he was loading their four-year-old son into the car.

    The officer who escorted Steele to her home reportedly tried to break up the altercation, and while he was attempting to intervene, the family's dog reportedly approached. The officer allegedly felt threatened by the dog and pulled out his gun to shoot it. As he fired shots at the dog, one of them reportedly hit the 34-year-old mother in the chest.

    1. DesigNate   10 years ago

      Damn it, now I'm going to have to stare at 20 minutes of porn to get my blood pressure down.

      1. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

        Have you considered therapeutic leeches? They're very hip right now.

      2. Agammamon   10 years ago

        You're doing porn wrong.

        1. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

          He's watching it for the uplifting plot you pervert. I bet you skip all the dialog.

          1. mr lizard   10 years ago

            You know who else....

            /goes back to porn tab.

    2. Mad Scientist   10 years ago

      As he fired shots at the dog, one of them reportedly hit the 34-year-old mother in the chest.

      So, the dog was really fucking tall?

      1. Andrew S.   10 years ago

        Apparently he tried to shoot the dog, somehow fell down, decided to ignore every rule of gun safety and continued shooting as he was falling, and hit the woman that way.

        1. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

          You know if they ever do start wearing body cams, I can see the time that they program a new show "America's Funniest Cop Videos".

          Think of the yuks you could have if you had a video of this guy! I bet the dog ran over and licked his face once he was on the ground.

    3. PapayaSF   10 years ago

      "Autumn Steele" would be a good name for a private eye.

      1. Trouser-Pod   10 years ago

        And, I would imagine she could handle firearms much better than Ol' Burlington Barney.

        Probably isn't scared of dogs, either.

      2. cavalier973   10 years ago

        "Hi, this is Autumn Steele, leave you message at the tone."

        "Autumn? If you let your dog get into my garden one more time, I'm calling the cops, and I hope it gets shot!"

        Oh...that was too soon, wasn't it? I am so sorry for that..

  26. EdWuncler   10 years ago

    Your daily dose of derp: Someone on my facebook feed said this in response to an article posted about European "austerity measures":

    "So glad the Europeans put all their chips on "Austerity" after the recession, instead of listening to Keynes. Will the Chicken Little deficit hawks finally admit they were full of shit, or will they find some new excuse to justify their existence - like all the Republicans who started whining about inflation all the way back in freakin' 2009?"

    1. Irish   10 years ago

      People like that never answer a pretty simple question: Who would have financed Greek debt if they'd tried massive stimulus?

      Greece had no way of paying down their debt without a massive EU bailout. The EU was not going to bail them out without assurances that they wouldn't have to repeat the bailout in a few years due to continued Greek debt.

      There was therefore no way for Greece to even attempt a stimulus because no one was willing to buy their debt. Progressives who deny this are living in a fantasy land.

      1. EdWuncler   10 years ago

        As a frame of reference, this guy works for the Democratic Legislative Campaign Commitee in DC. He's incredibly polite, but him and I could never ever have a conversation about economics because he refuses to face reality.

        1. PapayaSF   10 years ago

          A liberal is someone who thinks that when times are tough, the government needs to spend even more money to help people.

          On the other hand, during good economic times, there's a lot of money around, so it's only right that the government spends even more money to help people.

          1. EdWuncler   10 years ago

            I can't believe that there's a group of people that actually believes that if you print and spend more money nothing bad will ever happen. It takes some sort of distortion of the mind to actually believe that sort of thing.

    2. Medical Physics Guy   10 years ago

      It's clear that the true cause of the Paris massacre was economic austerity. If all those AQ members living in the suburbs had been able to afford two XBoxes rather than only one on their French welfare payments*, they would have been men of peace.

      * This isn't an empty stereotype, this was the family down the hall from my friend when he lived in Lyon. On welfare and played XBox all day, with almost-free subsidized rent.

      1. JeremyR   10 years ago

        I actually got banned from the Guardian years and years ago for commenting on a story about Palestinian kids who had to stay inside and play video games (Playstation) because of Israel imposing a curfew thanks to the uprising.

        Are people really oppressed if they have video game consoles?

        1. PapayaSF   10 years ago

          The poor oppressed darlings could only throw digital stones at digital Jews? Oh, the horror!

          1. Trouser-Pod   10 years ago

            Do I have to say it?

            digital Jews

            Maybe something for Mike D and Ad-rock to consider?

      2. PapayaSF   10 years ago

        I think the problems in France would solve themselves p.d.q. if they 1) stopped all Muslim immigration, and 2) stopped all welfare payments to anyone under 65.

        1. kbolino   10 years ago

          Yeah, France has a stellar history pre-1960.

        2. EdWuncler   10 years ago

          I had a French professor who obviously came from an upper class family and immigrated to America during the mid 90's. She complained abou American culture but would never ever live in Paris again because of the high taxes and huge flux of immigrants. She )ironically) thought it was bullshit that the high taxes there were to support immigrants who couldn't or didn't want to assimilate into French culture.

    3. Puddin' Stick   10 years ago

      How much do you want to bet that your buddy hasn't read Keynes? 😀

  27. Tamfang   10 years ago

    Kirby Delauter has calmed down and apologized.

  28. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    You try to govern without sticking your expensive government dick into every situation and see how far you get.

  29. Doghouse Riley Jr.   10 years ago

    Yes, but can Muhammad, PBUH?

    Unfortunately a lot of his followers seem unable to do so on his behalf.

  30. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

    Tundra,

    I think it was the additional cost of having to install a basement dungeon for the Supreme Commander that sunk Warty's bid to become their next space pilot.

    That and listing Zapp Brannigan as a reference.

  31. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

    I meant install the basement dungeon on the spaceship.

  32. jesse.in.mb   10 years ago

    Cereal Killer: Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right.

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