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A.M. Links: Masked Gunmen Attack Office of Satirical Newspaper in France, Opium Production Hits Record High in Afghanistan, French Fries Shortage in Venezuela

Ed Krayewski | 1.7.2015 9:00 AM

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    At least 12 people were killed when masked gunmen attacked a satirical newspaper in Paris.

  • Mexico's president, Enrique Peña Nieto, says his government is preparing to provide Mexicans living illegally in the United States with documentation to prove they have resided there since 2010, and allowing them to request birth certificates without returning to Mexico. President Obama, in turn, asked Nieto to help stem the flow of illegal immigrants across the border.
  • The FBI is looking for a balding white male they call a "potential person of interest" after a home-made explosive device was set off near the NAACP headquarters in Colorado Springs. No one was injured.
  • Opium growers in Afghanistan set a new record for growing opium in 2014.
  • Kurdish fighters killed 41 ISIS militants in the Kurdish-majority city of Kobane in Syria.
  • A suicide bomber entered a police station in Istanbul, killing a police officer and herself. A leftist militant group claimed responsibility.
  • McDonald's restaurants in Venezuela have run out of French fries because of a shortage of potatoes (among many other things).

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NEXT: A Reason Policy Agenda for the 114th Congress

Ed Krayewski is a former associate editor at Reason.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    At least 12 people were killed when masked gunmen attacked a satirical newspaper in Paris.

    In their defense, Religion of Peace may not have a French translation.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      Hello.

      At least what?

    2. WTF   10 years ago

      Religion de Assassiner?

      1. Ted S.   10 years ago

        Do you know the etymology of the word "assassin"?

        1. WTF   10 years ago

          Yes.

        2. Gadianton   10 years ago

          You see? Drugs make you kill people.
          /satisfied smirk

          /prohibitionist

          1. John Titor   10 years ago

            Hilariously, there's a lot of evidence that they didn't smoke hashish and the name was more meant as an insult ('hashishi' basically means you're a poor mob who smokes shitty drugs).

        3. Juice   10 years ago

          It comes from a dictionary editor in bed with his wife. He missed twice before he finally got the right hole.

    3. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      Psst. Don't tell "liberals" that their 1st Amendment freedoms are protected by the 2nd Amendment. They will sh1t their pants.

    4. thom   10 years ago

      They were just fighting back against Western imperialism, I suppose?

    5. wareagle   10 years ago

      yes, it's always shocking when Islam is connected to terror, I mean to man-caused disaster.

    6. The Laconic   10 years ago

      I thought they didn't allow guns in France. Except maybe shotguns for farmers. The shotgun loophole must be closed!

    7. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      With France's strict gun laws, how could this possibly have happened???

    8. Paul.   10 years ago

      The article I read said they yelled "Joseph Smith is Great" while shooting the place up.

  2. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    At least

    ...

    1. Bardas Phocas   10 years ago

      Best. AM. Link. Ever.

    2. Rich   10 years ago

      At *the very* least.

    3. WTF   10 years ago

      ...

      1. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

        At most

    4. Protagoronus   10 years ago

      At least Reason got the links up on time

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

        Too early to smoke up and slack off.

    5. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

      At least

      You got me to pour lemon juice on my monitor to see if there was invisible font, just like you set out to do.

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        Can I borrow some? I want to see the message!!!!! And it had better not be "drink more Ovaltine"!

        1. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

          It was " Fist won't have something witty to say about this."

        2. Ted S.   10 years ago

          I prefer Ellipsetine myself.

    6. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

      There's no sugarcoating it: this Morning Link could have contained more elaboration.

      1. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

        If you like whatever that morning link was going to say, you can keep it. Period.

  3. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    McDonald's restaurants in Venezuela have run out of French fries because of a shortage of potatoes (among many other things).

    Can't they just do what Mickey Dee's does here and mold the grease into french fry shape?

    1. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

      The fries at Micky D's are inferior food that the people shouldn't have wanted.

      1. KDN   10 years ago

        French fries from an American fast food chain? Obviously a bourgeois symbol of capitalism that the true revolutionary is glad to be rid of.

      2. Gene   10 years ago

        WTF- they're the best item on the menu.

        Besides the double QP.

        1. Protagoronus   10 years ago

          Questionable Parfait?

          1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

            Quartz particulate.

            1. Protagoronus   10 years ago

              Quantum Penitence

              1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

                Quarterly Penaltax?

    2. Ted S.   10 years ago

      Can they get lard in Venezuela?

      1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

        Here's an old Soviet joke once told by Ronald Reagan.

        An American, Polish, and Russian dog are hanging out.

        American Dog: When I get hungry, I bark and someone gives me meat.
        Polish Dog: What is meat?
        Russian Dog: What is bark?

        1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

          Bark is what your wife does as I'm feeding her sausage.

          1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            "I was playing Lion Tamer....your wife growls and I give her some meat."

    3. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      How can that be? It's a socialist utopia. Everything is done with fairness there. Why are they running out of potatoes?

      1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

        Peru cut them off?

      2. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

        It is fair. If not everyone can have more potatoes than they can eat, the fair thing to do is to deny everyone potatoes (except the rulers, but you're not supposed to notice that).

      3. Zeb   10 years ago

        Fairness.

      4. thom   10 years ago

        Now the imperialist scum are conspiring to deny the good people of Venezuela fried potatoes. Where does it need? These fast food restaurants need to be nationalized at once.

      5. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

        You're all reading this wrong. The People's Government of Venezuela has taken measures to protect the public health of its beloved people by keeping out the unhealthy, capitalist fare.

      6. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        If nobody has potatoes, then what could be fairer?

      7. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

        Communist: Potatoes? We can eat those? I thought it was soap!

      8. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        Kulaks. Oh, and hoarders.

    4. Juice   10 years ago

      I guess all Latvian jokes are now Venezuelan jokes.

  4. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

    Opium growers in Afghanistan set a new record for growing opium in 2014.

    The cloud of drug-suspicion surrounding this record will probably mean they'll never get voted into the Hall of Fame.

    1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      "They tested positive for opiates"

    2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      Opium growers in Afghanistan set a new record for growing opium in 2014.

      Proof that peace and security is good for the free market?

  5. Timon 19   10 years ago

    "At least" what?

    1. WTF   10 years ago

      Exactly.

    2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

      "At least" they got rid of the link so late arrivers won't be in on the ridicule.

  6. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

    The FBI is looking for a balding white male

    Reason commentariat goes into hiding

    1. Ted S.   10 years ago

      I still have a full head of hair, thank you very much. 😉

      1. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

        As do I.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

        Hair Club?

      3. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

        And I'm white as a lily.

        1. Tonio   10 years ago

          I like you, Hiawatha. You have a good sense of humor.

          1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

            Thanks Tonio. 🙂 Humor is a good coping strategy for the awful news dished out every day.

        2. Ted S.   10 years ago

          John Boehner, meanwhile, is orange as a tiger lily.

        3. Ted S.   10 years ago

          Whiter than Elizabeth Warren?

          1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            Is that possible?

      4. antisocial-ist   10 years ago

        Mine is starting to go, but I'm tall so nobody can actually see it.

        1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

          Keep telling yourself that. Children aren't pointing at your comb-over and laughing.

          1. antisocial-ist   10 years ago

            It's true. On a completely unrelated note, does anybody know who makes the best razor for shaving your head?

            1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

              There was this French company, Guillotin - closest shave possible.

    2. hamilton   10 years ago

      Hey, I'm not white.

  7. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    Fun police! Council orders cafe to rip out cubby house because neighbours complained that the kids make too much noise

    1. WTF   10 years ago

      Caf? was furthered ordered to "Get off my lawn!"

    2. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      Maybe the cafe should tell ISIS the neighbors drew blasphemous cartoons?

  8. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    Heads-up technology puts data on car windshields at CES

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....story.html

    Touted at this week's Consumer Electronics Show, the icon-rich displays have been installed by carmakers and tech startups as showcases for details on speed, directions, even cellphone notifications like text messages and Facebook alerts.

    Carmakers argue the displays are a safeguard against fumbling with smartphones and other distractions. But safety advocates say the gadgets actually make the problem worse, by diverting drivers' attention from the road ahead. And as carmakers compete for increasingly tech-minded buyers, some worry the displays will lead to even more dangerous roads.

    Neat!

    1. Restoras   10 years ago

      Higher-end cars already have this. Can't wait for it to trickle down to lower end models over the years.

      1. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

        That's due to happen any day now. It has been since the eighties.

        1. Ted S.   10 years ago

          You mean like cheap fusion, or Voyager leaving the solar system?

          1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            COLD FUSION IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER, YOU'LL SEE!

            /Tech mag

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

      If they can get the focal distance pushed out to ten yards then it will be safer, particularly for older drivers with presbyopia.

    3. Ted S.   10 years ago

      "Safety" advocates say everything is a problem.

    4. Timon 19   10 years ago

      It's not necessarily a problem if the focus of the HUD items are basically at infinity. Keep the text to a minimum and you can put a fair number of symbols up there without it being distracting.

    5. Zeb   10 years ago

      So, am I the only person who hates this crap and wants a car just to be a car?

      As far as I'm concerned, Japanese cars from the 90s were perfect and they should have just stuck with that.

      1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

        As long as it has intermittent wipers I'm happy.

      2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        ^^This. I enjoy driving. Music is as much distraction as needed.

        1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

          I hate driving, when's my self-driving car coming?

          1. robc   10 years ago

            This. Although I like open road driving. For about 30 minutes.

          2. Zeb   10 years ago

            I don't love driving, but I prefer driving to being a passenger.

      3. Jordan   10 years ago

        No, there are plenty of other curmudgeons here.

      4. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        If by "car" you mean a fully automated and operational battlestation, no.

      5. R C Dean   10 years ago

        I do, too. All the driver "aids" (collision avoidance, etc.) just make people complacent and lazy. I predict that the current generation of such aids will lead to zero reductions in accidents.

        I think there is a wide gap between a fully autonomous vehicle, and one that requires the driver to constantly pay sufficient attention to actually driving to be safe. That gap is a very dangerous place, and car makers are trying to put their cars right in the middle of it.

        1. robc   10 years ago

          This is provably true. Past safety features have allowed people to drive faster, balancing out the risk.

        2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          That's why we need full metal automation. Then high-speed highways, then flying cars, then. . .THE FUTURE!

        3. Zeb   10 years ago

          And that doesn't even address maintenance of these driver aids and doo-dads. A lot of car makers don't have very good records of making electronics that don't break. And a lot of car owners don't keep up with maintenance very well.

      6. Rod Flash   10 years ago

        Hell, I'm still trying to figure out why anyone wants a phone that does more than make calls.

    6. Not an Economist   10 years ago

      HUD have been used in fighter jets for decades and have been proven useful and safe. The C-17 has a HUD. Designed right, they will be useful for cars.

      I think the safety advocates are nuts.

      1. KDN   10 years ago

        I think the safety advocates are nuts.

        Next you'll tell me that the DUI limit should be lowered to .05 and that the speed limit should never be above 55.

        1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

          55C, maybe.

          1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

            This reminds me of something Han Solo said (I just rewatched Star Wars): She'll make point five past light speed." Isn't that a bit slow for interstellar travel? That coupled with the parsecs business makes me wonder if Han Solo just ran some sort of VR simulator.

            1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

              I think Han doesn't know anything about space travel and Chewbacca ran the technical side of things.

              1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

                So he's more of the sales rep. for Millennium Falcon LLC. Makes some sense.

                1. Cdr Lytton   10 years ago

                  "Sure Jabba. We'll get your cargo there. On time and guaranteed. I promise. We're also fully insured. Don't worry about a thing."

                  Just like dealing with every other account manager. I wish liquid carbonate was an acceptable means of contract enforcement generally.

                  1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

                    It explains so much.

            2. Zeb   10 years ago

              Not much science fiction gets interstellar travel right. For one thing, they never account for the relativity of time.
              If you account for general relativity, you don't even need FTL travel. If you can move at arbitrarily close to the speed of light, you can get anywhere in any amount of time you want (measured from your frame of reference). OF course when you get there everyone will be dead.

        2. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

          *perks up*

          /MADD

      2. Colonel Slanders   10 years ago

        Actually, my sisters '96 Pontiac Grand Prix has a HUD display.... It's not really sophisticated, it just displays speed, rpm, etc.

        1. Juice   10 years ago

          HUD display

          does she have to use a PIN number?

    7. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      Ha, Facebook alerts.

      "Look, honey, your mother 'liked' that stop sign. Oh, wait..."

  9. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    The FBI is looking for a balding white male they call a "potential person of interest" after a home-made explosive device was set off near the NAACP headquarters in Colorado Springs.

    Does he have a bad ticker and a penchant for shooting his friends in the face?

    1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE!

      /Cheney

    2. DJF   10 years ago

      I thought he was on a quest to search the worlds golf cources to find the missing Iraqi WMD's?

  10. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    The moment cop shot and killed an unarmed man because he 'wouldn't put his arms up' during traffic stop

    Officer Grant Morrison, of Billings, Montana, shot 38-year-old Richard Ramirez in April
    Cops say Ramirez, who was a suspect in a drug-involved shooting, appeared to reach for something during the traffic stop
    Video released as the Morrison's trial gets underway shows the moment Ramirez was shot

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....quest.html
    They're no longer accepting comments on this article. I wonder why.

    1. Ted S.   10 years ago

      OBEY OR DIE!!!111!!!

    2. R C Dean   10 years ago

      Doesn't look like the dashcam actually caught whatever the corpse-to-be did to deserve a good shootin'.

      Shame. All we have to go on is the officer's word. Which is to say, we'll never know what happened (or didn't).

  11. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Alba shows off her killer figure in two sexy bikinis during family holiday in Mexico

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....arren.html
    Way too skinny for John.

    1. Rich   10 years ago

      Damn it, sarcasmic! Where's the thigh-gap trigger warning?

    2. Restoras   10 years ago

      What a body. Wow.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

      What did she do to her lips?

      1. Tonio   10 years ago

        Haven't seen the pic but collagen injections in the lips are big (SWIDT) with some women. They think it makes them look kissable and pouty; in reality it makes them look deformed. If the procedure is overdone the lips start to resemble another bodily opening, and a badly distended one at that.

        1. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

          Like this (SFW)?

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

            Quack Quack

          2. Tonio   10 years ago

            Eeeeew!

        2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

          I'm not seeing anything wrong with her lips? She's always had 'pouty' lips.

      2. KDN   10 years ago

        I don't know if she did anything. It's not like her lips were small to begin with, her bottom lip looks the same, and in pictures where she's not grimacing from staring into the sun she looks normal.

    4. Ted S.   10 years ago

      Jessica Alba shows off her killer figure in two sexy bikinis during family holiday in Mexico

      Charles Manson had a killer figure, too.

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        *narrows gaze*

    5. The Laconic   10 years ago

      She does nothing for me. I just can't believe there's anybody home behind those eyes.

  12. Rich   10 years ago

    McDonald's restaurants in Venezuela have run out of French fries because of a shortage of potatoes (among many other things).

    Yep. If there's no TP you don't want those fries, um, running out.

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      ...if you get my meaning.

  13. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    The painful moment off-duty cop accidentally shoots himself in front of his wife after fumbling with gun in elevator

    Officer Darryl Jouett of the Erlanger, Kentucky PD shot himself Friday evening after a dinner date with his wife
    Newly released CCTV footage shows the couple inside an elevator when Jouett accidentally fired the gun and a bullet ricocheted to hit his stomach
    The cop was taken to the University of Cincinnati Medical Center with non life-threatening injuries
    Jouett, who is a 25-year police veteran, was later released to recover at home

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....vator.html
    He was charged with discharging a firearm in city limits, reckless conduct with a dangerous weapon, as well as what? He's a cop? Oh. No charges were filed.

    1. SugarFree   10 years ago

      The gun was aiming for his wife and he bravely intercepted the bullet.

      1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

        LOL.

        On a serious note, I'm waiting for progressives to start the "see, even a cop can't handle his gun properly" argument.

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          Yeah, right. These are often the same people who at the same time hold that 1. the police are horribly racist, brutal and authoritarian and 2. only the police can be entrusted with guns and the use of force to protect us.

          1. Jordan   10 years ago

            And 3. the police are all expert marksmen who put Delta Force operators to shame.

        2. Contrarian P   10 years ago

          I'm actually with them on that one.

        3. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

          So. Ban guns for cops is next in line for idiot progs?

          1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

            They nearly did that in New York with the "SAFE" act. They passed it in such a rush that the 7-round limit for pistols did not include an exemption for cops.

          2. robc   10 years ago

            I'm for that. Well, on duty. Off, they should be allowed to carry like anyone else.

            1. FUQ   10 years ago

              Cops on duty or off duty should have to live with the same gun laws that are passed for the little people. Gun restrictions would fall off the books like dominoes.

    2. Tonio   10 years ago

      And this is going to show up in the "officers shot in the line of duty" stats.

      1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

        For sure.

        1. WTF   10 years ago

          It's a war out there.

      2. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        OUR BRAVE BLUE HEROES ARE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!

      3. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        Well, they need to find it 'in line of duty', otherwise he won't get his lifetime disability pension.

        1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

          +75%

        2. R C Dean   10 years ago

          Cops are on duty 24/7. I mean, "off-duty" cops do cop shit all the time that would be illegal for a mere serf to do, and get away with it.

          This will definitely show up in the stats as the equivalent of getting gunned down by AQ crack dealers.

    3. RBS   10 years ago

      I've been told these are the people with guns everyone wants when something bad happens.

    4. thom   10 years ago

      Shouldn't he be charged with a hate crime since he shot a police officer?

  14. Redmanfms   10 years ago

    McDonald's restaurants in Venezuela have run out of French fries because of a shortage of potatoes (among many other things).

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    I mean, it sucks for that franchise owner, but who the fuck didn't see this shit coming?

    Damn, they've gotten even worse since I was last there in October.

    1. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

      What were doing in Utopia? Are you CIA, trying to destabilize a noble social justice experiment?

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        He is either a wrecker, kulak, hoarder or splitter.

      2. Redmanfms   10 years ago

        Welding/metal fabrication on oil infrastructure.

        It's falling apart. The pipelines and pumps in the Lake are almost totally unsalvageable, leaks are everywhere. It really reminds me of the stories I've heard about some of the Soviet pipelines in Siberia that were designed with an expected 25% loss rate, which has turned much of the Siberian taiga into tar pits. Lake Maracaibo has slicks everywhere, on top of garbage rafts that are measurable in square miles.

        I went 3 times in 2014. I only went because my former employer paid me LOTS OF MONEY to go.

        1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

          So you are combination of wrecker AND kulak!

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

          Environmental paradise, courtesy of our forward thinking socialist friends.

  15. Bardas Phocas   10 years ago

    In other McDonald fries news -
    A couple of weeks ago the Japanese were rationing fries due to longshoremen problems in west coast docks.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....mcdonalds/

    Now their finding teeth in them.
    http://www.wsj.com/articles/hu.....1420625640

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      You're only supposed to find eyes in potatos!

      1. Tonio   10 years ago

        Boo!

        1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

          I must respectfully disagree.

          *applause*

      2. straffinrun   10 years ago

        They were eye teeth. Feel better?

    2. Ted S.   10 years ago

      Now their what is finding teeth in them?

      1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

        Pet tentacle monsters.

    3. Ted S.   10 years ago

      I'm also reminded of this (possibly apocryphal) story.

      1. RBS   10 years ago

        The French fry sale is leading to a handful of kids holding their own "Potato Party", in which they order absurd numbers of fries, and then upload the images to Twitter or their own blogs.

        1. RBS   10 years ago

          I can't be the only who imagines a bunch of kids buying a ton of fries then all going to their own homes to post pictures of the fries to twitter so the people they were just with can see them on twitter.

  16. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

    At least 12 people were killed when masked gunmen attacked a satirical newspaper in Paris.

    Only in America, folks. Sophisticated Europeans have avoided this fate because of strong gun control, equally strong hate-speech laws, and belief in diversity.

    1. Rich   10 years ago

      Obviously more gun/speech/diversity laws are needed.

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        Diversity in gun speech?

        1. Rich   10 years ago

          "You can say guns are bad, or REALLY bad."

        2. Injun, as in from India   10 years ago

          *BLAM*

          *RAT TAT TAT*

          "PEW*

      2. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

        Naturally.

        Tanya Cohen to the rescue:

        http://thoughtcatalog.com/tany.....n-america/

        I forget who posted this in the pm links.

        1. Tonio   10 years ago

          There was much speculation yesterday as to whether this was satire (hint: a link would have helped). Having now read (most of) the article, I conclude it's not.

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

            I don't think that it is either.

          2. Irish   10 years ago

            Come on. She says hate speech should carry a penalty of 25-life. It can't be serious.

            1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

              Irish, people DO believe this!

            2. Tonio   10 years ago

              I think the money comment from yesterday was that it was too long and strident to be satire.

              Also, what Rufus said. They really do believe in thoughtcrime.

          3. Doctor Whom   10 years ago

            Obvious and heavy-handed satire is obvious and heavy-handed.

        2. Irish   10 years ago

          Still 100% positive that's satire.

          1. WTF   10 years ago

            It must be, that article is basically the speech equivalent of "A Modest Proposal" by Swift.

          2. Zeb   10 years ago

            I think it must be too. Though you never know. There are no other articles by the author to compare it to.

            1. Tonio   10 years ago

              I google searched her name and all I've found other than that article is that there's a literary agent with the same name.

              Plus, the pretentiously named Thought Catalog site appears to be for lefty creative-types. Were it a conservative- or liberty-oriented site I might believe satire.

              1. Zeb   10 years ago

                So, either sincere or an awesome troll.

          3. wadair   10 years ago

            Her bio says "Human rights activist and writer." I'm afraid it isn't satire.

        3. Zeb   10 years ago

          It's funny that the article cites this:

          No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

          Seems almost like that would rule out hate speech laws, not require them.

          1. Tonio   10 years ago

            She notes the conflict and that it might be "abused."

  17. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    President Obama, in turn, asked Nieto to help stem the flow of illegal immigrants across the border.

    Yeah! Make the Mexicans build the fence!

    1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      "It would cost less!"

    2. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      Those sections that did get built used illegals as labor (subcontractor of a subcontractor).

      1. Tonio   10 years ago

        Of course it did. Effectively, nothing gets built here without illegals.

        1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          I just had this weird vision of Romans saying the same thing on their blogs about their Germanic immigrants.

        2. Tonio   10 years ago

          Gallici trans-alpina eunt Domum!

          1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

            Murum aries attigit.*

            * Disclosure: This is a new one for me--got it from JW.

  18. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

    allowing them to request birth certificates without returning to Mexico.

    I recommend the long-form for any prospective presidential candidates.

  19. Drake   10 years ago

    Here in NJ a cop is fired and has his pension reduced for falsifying audits.
    http://www.nj.com/politics/ind.....ry_package
    Great - police accountability.

    But...

    Four cops who beat the fuck out of guy for complaining about a bar are not punished or disciplined. And the state pays off their victim.
    http://www.nj.com/sussex-count.....ry_package

  20. SugarFree   10 years ago

    masked gunmen

    Were they wearing hoodies?!?

    1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      OK Sooners ones, yes.

  21. DJF   10 years ago

    """"his government is preparing to provide Mexicans living illegally in the United States with documentation to prove they have resided there since 2010"""

    I bet if I hand a Mexican government offical $5 they will provide me with documination that I am Mexican and have been living illegally in the US.

    1. Drake   10 years ago

      That would beat the hell out of Chuck Schumer's exit tax!

    2. Tonio   10 years ago

      Probably a higher charge now, but yeah.

  22. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    I'm reposting because they are worth a look:

    12 fuck-you covers from Charlie Hebdo

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      The situation in France is worse than let on. The hatred among groups is real - particularly between native Frenchmen and Muslims. It's pretty much the same elsewhere. I can't see this ending well.

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        I was a bit startled about how it is starting to boil over in Germany...but it has been some time since I left, so things have obviously not gone...well.

        1. hamilton   10 years ago

          No worries, they're way chill about racial and religious differences in Germany.

          1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            Ja, nat?rlich!

          2. Cdr Lytton   10 years ago

            Maybe they can work out their differences together... In some sort of retreat setting... Go camping, perhaps?

        2. wareagle   10 years ago

          maybe Merkel was onto something with her quaint notion of multiculturalism not working out.

        3. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

          I pretty much remain in contact with native Europeans mostly in Britain, Spain, Holland, France and Italy and they all paint pretty much similar stories.

          It's all shit stained.

          1. Ska   10 years ago

            Giacomo Lahey?

        4. Tonio   10 years ago

          IIRC, the difference is that most of the Muslims in Germany are skilled Turkish Guest-Workers who work in automobile factories, etc. In France the typical Muslim is an uneducated North African who lives in government housing and can't get a job because of discrimination.

          1. Irish   10 years ago

            They can get jobs. In my experience, it's just that 90% of those jobs consist of standing by the Eiffel Tower and yelling at tourists to try and get them to buy your trinkets.

            Unfortunately, it doesn't do much for social mobility.

            1. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

              France is officially colour-blind. Unofficially, the policy is to pay welfare to the kids of migrants from the Maghreb and keep them in shitty banlieus. And it doesn't help that really tough dismissal laws make employers very risk-averse when it comes to hiring

            2. Tonio   10 years ago

              That's what I actually meant, jobs with potential for advancement, etc. Thanks Irish.

          2. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            The Gastarbeiter were Turks who did/do work...I think the more recent arrival,s who are being protested,are not quite so...motivated.

            1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

              Germany is not immune.

          3. Zeb   10 years ago

            can't get a job because of discrimination.

            Well, that and stupid French labor laws that make it difficult for anyone to get a job.

  23. Tonio   10 years ago

    Frederick County (Maryland) Councilcritter Kyle Delauter tells reporter she needs his permission to mention his name in news articles. Doesn't get First Amendment, doesn't understand Streisand Effect, doesn't realize implications of being a public figure and gets mocked by the internet.

    1. Tonio   10 years ago

      KIRBY Delauter. Crap.

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        Good thing you corrected - I was about to mercilessly mock and innocent man!

        1. Ted S.   10 years ago

          I can get how you mock people, but how do you innocent them?

          1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            You employ typos!

            1. An Innocent Man   10 years ago

              Stop mocking me!

            2. Tonio   10 years ago

              At least we document the typos we employ!

              1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

                +1 eVerify

    2. Anomalous   10 years ago

      All hail Kirby Delauter, the King of Derp!

    3. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      What's the annual wool production in Kirby Delauter's county?

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        3 bags full?

        1. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

          Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

          The next question is, how involved with his county's wool production is Kirby Delauter?

  24. Rich   10 years ago

    In other Muslim news: FBI raises stakes in hunt for man wanted in '08 killing of daughters

    has brown eyes, black hair, and possibly a thick moustache. He is known to frequent diners and restaurants like IHOP and Denny's and smokes Marlboro Lights 100s cigarettes. Authorities say he may be working as a taxi driver

    *Again* with the profiling!

    1. Ted S.   10 years ago

      Are you talking to me?

  25. Misanthrope   10 years ago

    Finally! As a balding white male myself, I can tell you that we are almost never a "person of interest" on OKCupid or in the rest of life.

  26. Bardas Phocas   10 years ago

    Bitch Niggas running our public schools!
    http://thevane.gawker.com/angr.....1677837740

    I'm going to try to use 'bitch niggas' in conversation today.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   10 years ago

      Lemme know how it works out.

    2. Rich   10 years ago

      Snow Day 'Fuckery'

      Nice band name.

    3. KDN   10 years ago

      Oh sure, the district is nice enough to realse the lot of them and they respond with this shit. Kids today.

  27. Rich   10 years ago

    This Vibrator Syncs With Your Smart Watch

    I met Brian and Suki at a hotel bar on the Las Vegas strip where the jovial couple excitedly told me about their latest innovation, passing me the slender vibe and firing it up in my hands

    SUKI?! I though she was DEAD!

    1. Ted S.   10 years ago

      Does the writer know where that "slender vibe" has been?

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        Gah!

      2. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

        Inside Slenderman's girlfriend

  28. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    Hitler's drive to produce the perfect Aryan race was not confined to people ? it also extended to a specially bred herd of Nazi-engineered cows, which have turned out to be so aggressive that a UK farmer has been forced to turn half of them into sausages.

    1. Rich   10 years ago

      "Since they have gone it is all peaceful again. Peace reigns supreme on the farm. Despite these problems, I have no regrets at all."

      You know who else ?. Oh, never mind!

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        Frank Sinatra?

        1. hamilton   10 years ago

          no, regrets - he had a few.

          1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

            Ture, even though he did it his way.

          2. Anomalous   10 years ago

            But then again, too few to mention.

    2. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      And those sausages really repeat on you too!

    3. Drake   10 years ago

      It's roughly half of any herd turned into sausage annually?

      1. Virginian   10 years ago

        I think it's more then that.

        You keep about 1 bull for every 20 cows. Ever year you sell off the cows who won't produce calves anymore, plus all the yearling steers.

    4. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      Goose-stepping cows?

    5. Ted S.   10 years ago

      a UK farmer has been forced to turn half of them into sausages.

      They say that as though it's a bad thing.

    6. Redmanfms   10 years ago

      Yeah, I saw a documentary about that on the War and Nazi Shit Channel.

      Something about creating a game preserve filled with "Germanic" beasts of lore in Eastern Poland.

      1. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

        +1 Auroch

    7. SugarFree   10 years ago

      +1 spotted dick

    8. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      He sent Nazi cows to concentration camps?

      1. Sevo   10 years ago

        Sausages, not lampshades!

    9. Randy Oldgoat   10 years ago

      If you have access to the Smithsonian channel...one of my favorites!...there's an excellent documentary in rotation on the Heck brothers and their experiments to revive extinct species, although the show sports the curious title: "Nazi Jurassic Park."

  29. Protagoronus   10 years ago

    Politico Op-ed co-written by Charles Koch.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.   10 years ago

      Don't listen - it's a trap! He's like a siren singing sweet social-justice tunes to lure innocent progressives onto the rocks of libertarianism!

  30. SugarFree   10 years ago

    A Gronking to Remember: Book One in the Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series

    1. Virginian   10 years ago

      I've got a friend who is a lesbian, except she says that if she had the chance, she would totally fuck Rob Gronkowski.

      So Gronksexual is a thing apparently.

      1. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

        The reviews are hilarious...

        10/10, would masturbate to again.

    2. Swiss Servator, Winter...jetzt   10 years ago

      Now normally-sheepish Leigh can't stop thinking about it. She'd never given a second thought to football, but now the primal power of the Gronk Spike, and this raw monster of a man, Rob Gronkowski, is all that she wants, and she'll stop at nothing until the romance of a lifetime is hers!

      Is Lacey Noonan a pen name of yours?!

    3. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

      The author of I Don't Care If My Best Friend's Mom is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her shows her versatility, eh?

      1. SugarFree   10 years ago

        Stole my whole shtick. I'm so jelly you could spread me on toast.

        1. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

          Let her sell a debased version to the masses. The man who conceived the pleasure pits of Cleveland is a taste best left to connoisseurs

    4. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      You really need to include Padma Lakshi in this. If you watched Top Chef a couple weeks ago, you would have seen her practically get on her knees in front of him.

  31. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

    Snowpiercer or Nebraska? Both are on Netflix and I'm trying to choose one to watch later.

    1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      Is Snowpiercer any good? I've noticed it in Netflix but never heard anything about it before then.

      1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

        That's what I'm trying to find out. I heard it was supposed to be a little noticed but pretty good sci fi film. On the other hand there's Nebraska. I liked Sideways and Election but couldn't stand About Schmidt.

        1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          I was asking the general population, but if you watch it, please provide a review.

        2. Randy Oldgoat   10 years ago

          I enjoyed "Snowpiercer" very much. It's a bit of a different take on the dystopian future movies and gritty as hell. And there are no good guys in this one.

          1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

            Thanks, I'm leaning that way.

          2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

            And it has a big effing train, right?

            1. Randy Oldgoat   10 years ago

              Yep, big effing train in a frozen wasteland that was Earth. The poor bastards in the back of the train, tired of eating black-jello protein blocks, decide to fight their way to the front of the train to have a chat with Ed Harris. *Spoiler Alert* Minor rules infractions are punished by having an arm forced out a porthole until it freezes solid. Hilarity ensues when said frozen limb is smashed with a sledge hammer.

        3. KDN   10 years ago

          I enjoyed Nebraska. It's not a great movie that you will kick yourself for not seeing, but it's a fun little story.

        4. Clich? Bandit   10 years ago

          SP Was dumb as fuck.

          I watch a lot of dumb shit but that was dumb. If I were you I would watch Titan A.E. again before watching Snowpiercer.

          1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

            So this is one vote against, am I reading this right?

            1. Clich? Bandit   10 years ago

              I sometimes have trouble speaking my mind.

    2. MJGreen   10 years ago

      I've heard a lot of people praise Snowpiercer as one of last year's best films. I've also gathered that it may be too ridiculous for some people. I've been meaning to check it out.

      I'd also check out Don Hertzfeldt's "It's Such a Beautiful Day," which Netflix seems to be promoting. If you're into animated surrealism.

      1. Clich? Bandit   10 years ago

        SP is a heavy handed, silly premise, dystopia. I didn't like it because it was too simple and juvenile in its approach. The end was OK but the beat over the head moral dilemmas were too much. I prefer more realistic moral dilemmas. I really enjoyed Interstellar. But I like physics more than trains. I also enjoyed ScyFy's Ascension. Granted it had its problems but for the most part the moral dilemmas were interesting and handled well...plus boobies...it always comes back to boobies.

    3. Atlas Slugged   10 years ago

      I was bored to tears by Snowpiercer. Nebraska has Bruce Dern; nuff said, watch that.

  32. Sevo   10 years ago

    The college football playoffs are to blame for a whole new class of victims needing our assistance:

    "Ohio State to push for family travel assistance"
    [...]
    ""My concern, and I think I'm probably going to address it again, is what are we doing for these (families)? Are we going to get their families to Dallas? We should," Meyer said."
    http://www.foxsports.com/ohio/.....ame-010415

    You can callously turn the page, or you to can be one of the many who contribute so strangely-painted people can bang sticks together in Texas!
    Which will it be, you hard-hearted libertarians?

    1. The Last American Hero   10 years ago

      It seems to me that if the college and the NCAA and the TV is going to make a shit ton of money off your kid playing football, the least they could do is put mom and dad up at a motel six and give them a voucher to catch a Greyhound.

      1. Andrew S.   10 years ago

        This.

        And note that they actually changed the rule yesterday, and they're going to be providing families with money. Considering how many millions of dollars the players are making the NCAA here, it's the least they could do.

        1. Sevo   10 years ago

          OK, I have a question for you:
          How come terms like 'fair' and 'deserve' all of a sudden have currency when the subject is boys playing football?

    2. Timon 19   10 years ago

      I have a hard time getting outraged about this.

  33. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

    Iowahawk continues to be awesome

    David Burge ?@iowahawkblog 2m2 minutes ago
    .@jimgeraghty media option 1: defiantly print the cartoons. Option 2: don't print them and pretend it is a brave stand against intolerance.

  34. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

    State Dept doesn't believe in the 1st Amendment, officially.

    1. KDN   10 years ago

      Is that shopped? Or is Jen Psaki really that much of an idiot?

      Wait, never mind.

      1. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

        It may be 'shopped, because it's not on her Twitter feed. But she's still a dumbass Obamabot.

      2. Sevo   10 years ago

        'Shopped. Look at the edge of the purple paper; not a good job.

  35. robc   10 years ago

    Conversation from 2 minutes ago, re: available lots for us to build:

    Me: Its not bad ghetto

    Wife: All ghetto is bad ghetto

    1. Sevo   10 years ago

      Rob,
      I can say when I bought, the hood was considered a 'ghetto'; it sure isn't now.

      1. robc   10 years ago

        I think this area will gentrify, she just doesnt want to be first.

        1. Warty   10 years ago

          As long as you have a garage, mild ghettos aren't so bad. You can bar windows and put cameras everywhere and your house will be fine, but getting your car broken into constantly is annoying.

          1. thom   10 years ago

            Or you can just leave nothing in your car and leave the doors unlocked so curious junkies won't have to break your window.

            I survived a decade in Baltimore with not one incident of glass replacement.

            1. Zeb   10 years ago

              Hoe many incidents of people shitting in your car?

              1. thom   10 years ago

                Zero. People looking for stuff they can sell to buy drugs aren't going to take a shit in your car. I'd say maybe three or four times there was evidence of people being in there. I actually kept a few CDs in the console and found them out once... I was a little offended that my taste in music is apparently so horrible that even a dedicated junkie didn't want to bother trying to sell them.

          2. Bobarian (Mr. Xtreme)   10 years ago

            As long as you have a garage, mild ghettos aren't so bad. You can bar windows and put cameras everywhere and your house will be fine, but getting your car broken into constantly is annoying.

            Did you lift this from the opening paragraph of the 'Destination Cleveland' tourism bureau flyer?

        2. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

          A former co worker and her husband were among the first to gentrify the Delray neighborhood in Alexandria, VA. They're undoubtedly close to being millionaires now. I think they paid $85k for their bungalow.

        3. Sevo   10 years ago

          robc|1.7.15 @ 11:23AM|#
          "I think this area will gentrify, she just doesnt want to be first."{

          Without my details, places in this hood were selling for $50K when I bought; you'll be lucky to find an empty lot for a half-mill now.
          Money follows risk...

          1. Taberlario   10 years ago

            I got Lancia after having made $8688 this month and more than ten-k last-month . this is really the easiest work I've ever had . I started this 3 months ago and right away earned more than $84 per/hour .
            Go to this website ?????? http://www.jobsfish.com

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