Free-Range Kids

Abduction Obsession Means Virginia Hospitals Won't Release 'First Baby of 2015' Names

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Baby
Baby / Wikimedia Commons

It's the first paranoid fantasy of the year!

According to The Richmond-Times Dispatch, three Virginia hospitals will participate in a security-theater safety measure designed to protect children in grave danger from a crime that has never been committed:

In a joint statement released Tuesday, Bon Secours Richmond Health System, HCA Virginia and VCU Medical Center have said they will not announce the first birth of 2015 as a safety precaution and to protect families' privacy.

It's a trend, with more hospitals around the country declining to announce the first baby of the year for similar reasons.

"The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has cautioned against these announcements due to potential risk of abduction or identify theft. While the first birth of the New Year is a celebrated event, we jointly feel we must protect our patients and their children from unnecessary exposure," the joint statement from the local hospitals said.

free-range-kids

Emphasis mine. I can find no record of any baby being taken from a hospital because its birth was announced right after midnight on New Year's Eve. But that doesn't stop the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children—funded, in part, by government dollars—from turning a joyous event into one requiring new oversight and worry.

Because new parents just aren't worried enough. 

NEXT: What does "exposes" in "[a]ny person who abuses, exposes, tortures, torments, or cruelly punishes a minor" mean to you?

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  1. So, no more Facebook, then?

  2. I remember setting off the alarm in the maternity ward after my son was born. I wheeled him too close to the elevators as I was taking him down to the nurses so we could get some sleep.

    1. What? They put anti-theft tags on babies now?

      1. Yep, my son had one last year. Not sure when it started though. There was no such thing when my daughter was born.(5 years ago)

        1. My son had one when he was born in 2001. They forgot to take one of the tags off before we left and when the alarm went off the elevator was rushed by nurses.

        2. My son had one when he was born back in 1998, so it’s been going on at least that long. And yes, his kept falling off his ankle too. Spouse and I didn’t see much point in it, but we weren’t given a vote.

      2. Yes, my daughter had one when she was born early 2006. It’s an anklet that gets removed when the baby is discharged from the hospital after birth.

        I’m sure there’s people who would like to see this made into an injected, non-removable RFID…

        1. I’m surprised it’s not already an option (assuming it isn’t, I don’t really keep up with these things). They do it for pets. I’d imagine that there would be a good market for it in parents who see scary child predators behind every bush.

      3. Our daughter’s was so well made that it repeatedly fell off her, too. Security theater, indeed.

  3. What, do they think that people will see the first baby of the year as some kind of prize or something? It’s not like you could tell anyone else that it was if you abducted it from the hospital.

    And I would think that they would only release the name with the parents’ permission, which woudl take care of the privacy worries.

    1. Geez, don’t they realize the tax advantages of abducting a December 31st kid?

      You get the entire tax deduction, but none of the costs.

      I have to wonder if the supposed “geniuses” at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children have even talked to your basic abductor. I would think that if they had they’d know why the smart abductor doesn’t bite on the shiny new January baby.

    1. Breathtaking.

  4. Uh, people who abduct babies won’t do it if they don’t know the baby’s name?

    1. It makes no sense at all as far as I can see.

      1. The reasoning they give is flimsy, but your name and date of birth would be contained in that news story.

        If the badguys want your identity info they may take it by force/hacking, but you don’t need hospitals spewing this information to the public without consent.

    2. What if one accidentally nabbed the SECOND baby born in 2015 instead of the first? HORRORS. Only the REALLY truly first baby born after midnight is acceptable to use in the ritual to summon Warty to the Prime Material Plane and sic Him on your mortal enemies.

  5. my co-worker’s step-sister makes $74 an hour on the computer . She has been fired from work for nine months but last month her paycheck was $16572 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read Full Report…………
    ????? http://www.netjob70.com

  6. my neighbor’s step-aunt makes $80 an hour on the internet . She has been laid off for five months but last month her payment was $12901 just working on the internet for a few hours.
    website here……..
    ???????? http://www.paygazette.com

  7. my co-worker’s step-mother makes $82 /hour on the laptop . She has been fired from work for ten months but last month her pay was $13096 just working on the laptop for a few hours. check here……..
    ?????http://www.netjob70.com

  8. my co-worker’s step-mother makes $82 /hour on the laptop . She has been fired from work for ten months but last month her pay was $13096 just working on the laptop for a few hours. check here……..
    ?????http://www.netjob70.com

  9. i buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions most people aren’t aware of the almost I unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites the site that has the
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  10. my buddy’s step-mother makes $62 every hour on the internet . She has been without a job for eight months but last month her check was $17970 just working on the internet for a few hours. website here ……

    http://fave.co/14gVp3h

  11. I actually agree on this. It’s a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality.

    What they should do is ask the newspapers for contact info and pass it along to the parents of whoever is the first baby and let them decide what to do with it.

    Being mindful of consent and respectful of other ppl’s data isn’t hard.

  12. According to a government telephone survey, first babies of the new year fetch their kidnappers 5 times the ransom they would get from babies born during Kwaanza or Secretary’s Day.

    Satanists were lurking around maternity wards on 6/6/06. Their ransom demand? 6 dollars and 66 cents. So those babies were worth nothing. They might as well have been free.

  13. i buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions most people aren’t aware of the almost I unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites the site that has the
    best deals is…… http://www.Jobs700.Com

  14. my classmate’s ex-wife makes $81 /hour on the computer . She has been unemployed for eight months but last month her pay check was $18269 just working on the computer for a few hours. check…………..
    ????? http://www.netjob70.com

  15. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for 74 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail
    ———– http://www.paygazette.com

  16. I Got Hooked On Having An Online Business Almost A Decade Ago When I Created An Online Course And Made My First.

    —–http://tinyurl.com/cashclick1

  17. Unfortunately, I can see no end to these ridiculous situations. Someone, somewhere, will envision the possibility of a child being harmed in every imaginable situation and will decide it needs to be protected against. The most prolific of this type of situation is the literal millions that are spent collectively in multiple states year after year making sure that on Halloween no registered sex offender comes in contact with any child lest the temptation to wear a costume/hand out a treat/have Halloween decorations/ and thus lure some unsuspecting, random little trick-or-treater proves too great. Extensive research has yet to turn up a case where a child was harmed on Halloween while trick-or-treating by someone on the sex offender registry. But that won’t stop them from doing it again this year.

  18. What I’d like to know is..how many babies have been kidnapped from maternity wards since, say, 1960, necessitating the chips/ID tags/alarms, etc. It all seems so ridiculous for a crime that was vanishingly rare to begin with.

  19. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for 74 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail
    ———— http://www.paygazette.com

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