Election 2014

Your Guide to Ignoring Midterm Election Television Coverage

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If you find yourself in line behind these guys, you are not at a valid polling location.
Sons of Anarchy

You may be the type of weirdo who is not interested in watching a CNN analyst explain in detail (with charts) the difference in the number of votes in Mecklenburg County, North Carolina, for President Barack Obama in 2012 versus the number of votes for Democratic Sen. Kay Hagan today. We all have our flaws.

But we have you covered at Reason with a less painful, less intrusive option. At our Reason 24/7 newsfeed we'll be busy tonight putting out the latest information on election outcomes of interest to libertarians. No inane analysis, just info. (Warning: There may be sarcasm in headlines. Also: puns.) We'll have regular posts on the outcomes of races and ballot initiatives we've been highlighting at Reason for the past couple of weeks, whether it's libertarian-leaning candidates from either party, actual Libertarian Party candidates, and important ballot initiatives. We'll also take note of whether the Republicans have taken control of the Senate, assuming anybody is able to actually make that call this evening. We've made it easy for you to just check periodically and then turn back to something more entertaining. You can check out the site feed here. Our Twitter feed is here, and I'll be tweeting out numbers and info there periodically throughout the night. If you have our Reason app, the 24/7 feed is right on there, easy to check before turning back to Instagram or whatever hookup app you're using to get some quick nookie.

So what to watch or do instead? Sadly, some networks seem to have worried that people will actually want to tune in to midterm election results tonight and are running reruns rather than counterprogramming. No new episode of The Flash tonight. Boo! Even worse, no new episode of The Independents tonight. Boo! For those looking to escape from the wall of talking heads, here are some options. (We claim no responsibility for interruptions, commercial breaks, or news tickers that expose you to midterm election results despite your best efforts.)

In the wake of the end of How I Met Your Mother, networks have offered a glut of gimmicky romantic comedies, most of which are bombing. The terribly-named Selfie, which recasts Pygmalion for the era of social media, is offering up back-to-back episodes at 8 p.m. on ABC. Fox follows up with its own comedy block of The New Girl and The Mindy Project from 9 to 10 p.m., but before that Fox is serving up a second season of MasterChef Junior. Normally I wouldn't dream of recommending watching any reality show featuring Gordon Ramsey for any reason other than an education in how phony and predictable reality shows are. But MasterChef Junior causes Ramsey and his cohorts to briefly act like acceptable human beings. Also the children were really good cooks in the first season, much better than many of the adults that have appeared on Ramsay's other shows.

I don't believe anybody on Sons of Anarchy is legally allowed to vote with their criminal records, so they will continue with their final season of killing each other and everybody else at 10 p.m. on FX. I don't watch the show, and I'm assuming that's not a spoiler, and everybody who watches knows that the series is going to end with everybody dead.

What I would be watching if weren't serving you all with midterm news that you will maybe glance at for seconds (I'm not bitter, I swear!) is Marvel: 75 Years, from Pulp to Pop on ABC at 9 p.m. I grew up reading Marvel comics, particularly the X-Men. Colossus made me gay. True story.

And of course, there's always Netflix! They've got Batman and Batman Returns today. Those are the Michael Keaton ones.

But let's not forget video games. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare is out today, perfect to remind us all on Election Day that government is, above all things, a purveyor of deadly force. Kevin Spacey provides voice acting for this edition, presumably playing an amoral asshole with a deliberately bored vocal affect. Just a guess.

For video game nostalgiamaniacs, the Internet Archive has just made it possible to play hundreds of old arcade games in your web browser with an emulator. Check it out here.

And of course, besides our Reason 24/7 result coverage, we'll also be blogging our own analysis of the midterm outcomes tonight here at Hit and Run, so check us out during commercial breaks or while waiting for your Call of Duty map to load.

NEXT: St. Louis County Prosecutor Running Unopposed, But Dem Candidate for County Executive May Lose Because of Him, Maybe

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  1. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare is out today

    It’s already out of stock in some places.

  2. Air Disasters and Concorde on Smithsonian. My DVR is gonna be busy.

  3. Colossus did that to everyone. It’s his secondary power.

    1. That one fantasy involving the threesome with Colossus and Kitty. Mmm.

    2. X-Men is such a rich fuel for sexual fantasies.

      1. At the time I began collecting the comic in the early ’80s, Colossus was wearing a costume that include a thick leather dog collar around his neck. It was also the era where Arcade revealed that he had sexbot versions of all the X-Men.

        Claremont was kinda weird.

  4. I started watching season 6 of Sons of Anarchy on Netflix last night. Looking forward to Peter Weller as local crime boss.

    1. Stop. Seriously, just stop now.

      1. Nothing against Weller, but I think his arrival occurred at the same point in the life of Dexter and Sons.

  5. I don’t see any of my personal arcade favorites in that list. Tempest, Battlezone, Lunar Lander, Missile Command, Red Baron…I see Defender and QBert though so I should be good for a few days.

    1. I tried to play Galaga last night – couldn’t get it to load.

      No Frogger, either.

      1. OOps – looks like Frogger is there.

        1. But is the E.T. game there?

          1. Apparently if you patch it so it’s no longer in the alpha stage, ET is surprisingly decent.

          2. No ET. And no Donkey Kong, either. Fuckit.

            I got Galaga to load on my work Mac. This is gonna be a good lunch break.

            1. they got Crazy Kong which seems to be Donkey Kong to me.

      2. Apparently if you press Ctrl + left arrow on a Mac, it shows Mission Control. So, you can’t shoot and move left at the same time playing Galaga on a Mac. Yet one more reason I hate Apple products.

    2. Perusing that list is a reminder of just what a glut of shitty video games came out to capitalize on initial arcade game success.

  6. I watched Scooter Gang Hamlet for a while, until they went completely off the rails and began to bore me. I did derive immense satisfaction from the execution of the DEA bitch.

    If we have really arrived at Nick’s decentralized libertarian moment, why are all the “business news” shows so focused on the fucking election?

  7. Every MST3K episode ever is on YouTube. Those are each 1.5 hours long, so it should occupy your attention enough that you’ll never feel the temptation to turn on the news.

    1. Godzilla vs. Megalon is not on there and it’s one of the best ones. I’ve found clips, but never the entire show. Worth it for the Jet Jaguar fight song alone.

    2. Oh, they are running another Turkey Day marathon this year with Joel hosting. I’ll be cranking up the Chromecast to put in on the big TV as my Lions disintegrate.

    3. Thanks for the heads up.

  8. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare is out today

    And there goes the youth vote. Oh wait, there is never a youth vote in the first place. Fuck them, I’m playing Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel anyway.

  9. Selfie isn’t a very good show, but it stars the incredibly hot and completely awesome Karen Gillan, so it’s worth watching.

    I have several shows on the DVR I need to catch up on tonight.

    1. That reminds me – I have 2 episodes of Sleepy Hollow to catch up on.

    2. I still haven’t seen Selfie. I love Karen Gillan, but any role she plays with an American accent just seems like such a waste.

  10. How plausible is the following scenario?

    If, in his SOTU speech, Obama flat out says “Okay, we fucked up on Obamacare, give me a clean repeal bill and I’ll sign it” the Repubs of 2014 wouldn’t hesitate to screw it up. The SoCons and NeoCons would ignore the “clean” part and shove in riders, the Paleos might back Sos and Neos or they might balk at the unconstitutionality of the extreme parts of their agenda, The FisCons would balk at the price tag involved in dismantling Obamacare, The RINOs would be leary of voting for repeal if they’re from a state which isn’t too badly affected and the Chemtrail Crew would fight tooth and nail rather than give Obama a win no matter what. And this is all while going up against a party that’s still organized and now has little to lose.

  11. Tonight on TCM: The Cat and the Canary, a good comedy mystery from 1939, with Bob Hope and Paulette Goddard. I think she was a good actress and one of the most beautiful women of the Golden Age of Hollywood, which is saying a lot, given the competition. And Hope is funny, as he often is.

    Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, and no hope.

  12. Catching up on H&R, I read yesterday’s story about Kathie Glass:

    Some libertarian-minded folks task themselves with the Sisyphean effort of dismantling governmental overreach brick-by-brick; Glass wants to bulldoze, presumably with private contracts, the whole structure to the ground. As someone who is a libertarian sympathizer, even I cringed during an exchange in which she said that if the Supreme Court issued a decision she didn’t like, she would simply ignore it. “I’m going to be guided by my own conscience,” she explained.

    Smith followed up with what seemed an appropriate query: “Are you running for governor or to be queen? Because this sounds like a monarchical view of government.”

    It’s infuriating to see people conflate defiance and not following “the law” with imposing your will on others and it’s unfortunate she didn’t take him to task for that kind of thinking.

    1. Glass got my vote this morning even though she isn’t as libertarian as me.

    2. even I cringed during an exchange in which she said that if the Supreme Court issued a decision she didn’t like, she would simply ignore it. “I’m going to be guided by my own conscience,” she explained.

      Also known as “civil disobedience”. Why is somebody announcing they are willing to engage in civil disobedience cringe-inducing?

  13. Tonight, using Unlocator to tell Netflix I’m in the Netherlands and will watch any number of great movies that are not available in the U.S.

    1. I heard a rumor on these boards that Vikings as aired in countries other than the US has female nudity in it. Perhaps you can confirm?

      1. I am the man for the job.

      2. Oh please tell me Katheryn Winnick gets naked.

      3. Well, confirmed; but for Amazon Prime. Yes. Full frontal in the U.K. It’s showing available for Netflix Mexico, but I haven’t had a chance to check it yet.

        1. Okay, Vikings is on Netflix: Mexico, Columbia, Brazil, and Argentina. I will have to check if they censor. Won’t be until later today.

    2. I assume services such as Netflix & country-specific sites are not fans of Unlocator and other Smart DNS services?

      Are there efforts to shut them down?

      (Disclosure: this is the first time I’ve heard of unlocator although I’m familiar with the general concept).

      1. There has been some noise about them locking down the VPN, but I haven’t heard anything seriously being considered. Someone will find another way around it if they do. Unlocator is great. Doesn’t mess with connection speed and I use it to make sure I don’t have any blackout for sports. $5/month.

        1. Thanks! It seems like companies are coming to grips with the reality of internet anonymity (?). I use a couple of free web site to watch TV shows that are behind pay walls. The pop ups are annoying but I can live with it. One of the sites is (allegedly anyway) running out of Slovenia and the other out of Lithuiania (sp?) or maybe Latvia.

          1. I suggest Showbox or TV Portal if you have any android devices. I cast them to my TV and can watch anything I want. Oh, couchtuner too. All free.

            1. Thanks.

  14. Tuesday night is chess club night. I will miss all the election fun, as usual.

  15. I’m not skipping tonight’s coverage for one reason and one reason only, salty ham tears. And I’m going to get my fill of them even if I have to stay up past 2 or 3a.

    1. Indeed. I have a fine bottle of Scotch (Laphroaig Quarter Cask) and perhaps another mind-altering substance ready to roll.

      1. ready to roll

        I like the cut of your jib “tobacco.”

    2. Please share the highlights.

  16. I like Supernatural. New episode tonight. I think.

    I can’t tell if that makes me just a stereotypical dork, or a total loser. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

  17. New Crusader Kings 2 expansion came out awhile back as well. Adds about a hundred years and moves the start date back to the rise of Charlemagne. Adds new tribal mechanics, ‘Create Your Own Kingdom’ options and slightly altered pagan religions as well. Thanks to a few beta patches, it’s actually somewhat balanced again (the Abbasids are kind of still overpowered though, Paradox still needs to work on the decadence mechanic I think). The crusade mechanics still seem to start in the late 700s/early 800s, they probably need to fix that (but again, that’s due to the Abbasids triggering crusader events). Still, I’m having a lot of fun trolling Christian Europe as the Viking Pope.

    1. “Viking Pope” would be a good H&R handle.

  18. The Sons Of Anarchy pic is old. Many of those people are already dead-try to keep up!

    1. They’re down 7 eyes from then.

  19. Nice picture. Reminds me of the guys I used to run with in the late 60s.

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