Public schools

Little Girl Points Crayon at Classmate, School Makes Her Sign Contract Promising Not to Kill Anyone

"Mommy, daddy, what is suicide?"


Suicide contract
NBC News

Stories of public schools dishing out ridiculous punishments to students who did absolutely nothing wrong generally fail to shock me at this point. They have to clear a very high bar of absurdity to be even noteworthy, given how common they are.

Okay, brace yourselves.

A Mobile County, Alabama, 5-year-old allegedly pointed her crayon at a fellow kindergartner and said something like, "pew, pew." (That's the sound some guns make when fired, I suppose, although for obvious reasons I don't know what noise imaginary guns make when fired.) School officials at E.R. Dickson Elementary responded with what is perhaps the most uniquely crazy punishment I have ever heard of: They made the girl sign a contract promising not to kill anyone, including herself. According to NBC News and Rare:

Without her permission, [the girl's mother] says her five-year-old was then given this Mobile County Public Schools safety contract to sign, stating that she wouldn't kill herself or others.

"While I was in the lobby waiting, they had my five-year-old sign a contact about suicide and homicide," she said.

NBC News notes that the contract is not legally binding, since the kindergartner was about 14 years shy of the age of adulthood.

The little girl was also forced to take a psychological evaluation to gauge her likelihood of suicide. Unsurprisingly, she didn't even know what the word meant:

"My child interrupted us and said, 'what is suicide? Mommy, daddy, what is suicide?'"

At least she learned something at school today? District officials did not respond to NBC News. If I have better luck, I will post an update.

Hat tip: Rare

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  1. “My child interrupted us and said, ‘what is suicide? Mommy, daddy, what is suicide?'”

    Something that is painless and brings out many changes and you can take or leave it if you please?

    1. Know what else is painless and brings out many changes that you can take or leave if you please?

      1. Puberty?

      2. LSD?

      3. Your mother?

        1. My mother is far from painless to deal with.

  2. Oh Alabama! The Devil fools with your best laid plans.

    1. If this shit can happen in Alabama, we are fucking doomed.

      1. Georgia, where are you when your country needs you?

  3. DAMN……just DAMN!

  4. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t contracts signed by minors in the US invalid?

    Such a cunning 5 year old.

    1. Voidable by the minor

      1. Therefore rendered invalid in all cases. If the contract is unenforceable doesn’t that make it by definition invalid?

        1. No, it can be enforceable against the other party. The minor can raise their infancy as a defense

          1. Actually you are correct, for some reason I misremembered my business law class.

          2. But how is she going to enforce it? What did the school promise to do that she could require them to fulfill?

      2. Would probably also be voidable for want of consideration. I’m imagining that the geniuses behind this punishment aren’t superb contract drafters.

        1. Yeah, promising not to commit murder doesn’t *add* to your responsibilities – you’re not supposed to murder, with or without a contract.

          Or is she signing away her right of self-defense, too?

        2. I doubt they know what a contract is. Just the idea that the school has a “Safety Contract” for the people they think might be homicidal to sign is… well… “Johnny blew up the school and killed a couple dozen people. We can expel his remains for violating his Safety Contract!!!

          OTOH these are the people that think no-gun signs make schools “gun free.”

      3. It’s not quite that simple, and in some cases depends on the state. There are some contracts by minors that are not voidable by them.

        Yet, some contracts cannot be voided. Specifically, a minor remains liable for certain contractual obligations:

        Bank regulations
        For instance, perhaps the biggest area of enforceable minor contracts deals with necessaries, which consist of goods reasonably necessary for subsistence, health, comfort or education. As such, contracts furnishing these items to a minor cannot be disaffirmed.

        Example: Janice and Fred marry and purchase a home. They are both minors. To obtain a mortgage, Fred lies about his age to get a loan from the seller. Six months later Janice and Fred separate; Janice moves back home with her parents. Fred has second thoughts about the mortgage and sues the seller to recover payments made on the mortgage. The seller counter sues to foreclose on the mortgage. The court held that Fred was liable for the mortgage, although he signed the contract as a minor. Since housing falls into the category of necessaries, Fred cannot just walk away from his obligation to pay the mortgage. See, e.g., Merrick v. Stephens, 337 S.W.2d 713 (Mo. App. 1960); see also Cal. Fam. Code ? 6712 (2005).…..tracts.asp

    2. It will still be in her file forever. Thirty years from now if she applies for a security clearance it will be there for an investigator to read.

      1. Where is this “file”? I have a hard time believing that my school is still holding a file on me 20 years later…

        1. Fort Meade?

        2. I’m sure it’s around somewhere. Government doesn’t throw information away. Well, unless the information is embarrassing to a government official. But information about little people? That stuff they keep forever.

          1. Sure enough…got curious and looked up their record retention policy online. Retention period for a student’s “cumulative file” is “permanent.”


          2. Government never throws information away, but (in some part BECAUSE it never throws information away) it DOES lose it. In vast quantities. And it then most often tries to blame the citizenry.

            Case in point; some years back I was told by the IRS that I owed them a sum of money from several years previously, plus penalties and interest. I informed them that not only had I paid that particular tax bill, but I had the canceled check.


            Government is like fire. It is absolutely necessary for the comfort of all but the most rugged of us, but no one in possession of the merest moiety of his marbles TRUSTS it.

      2. Perhaps, but there is no way they could base an adverse adjudication on something like this.

    3. I believe this to be more of an affidavit than a contract, which has to involve consideration of some kind, as in money changing hands.

  5. And that is how little Abbie earned the nickname “killer”.

  6. Having known a number of social workers this does not surprise me. Dumbest, craziest lot you can imagine.

    1. Yeah. If you take a 5 year old’s signature on a contract seriously, you’re functionally retarded.

      On a similar note, if you’re a “social worker” and believe the “work” you do is of any value to anyone, you’re also functionally retarded.

      1. It depends. My mom was a social worker working with dialysis patients and hospice patients. Every time I go to the grocery store with her, a patient or relatives of a patient will come up to her and thank her for caring for their loved one and family. She seemed to have helped people with her work. Of course, she would never consider a five year old girl making gun sounds to be suicidal or a homicidal maniac.

      2. I wouldn’t say this. Most of the better therapists my Lady and I have had over the years had degrees in “Social Work” rather than, say, psychiatry. But if you are a social worker and not in private practice, then you are to social work what a ditch digger is to engineering.

    2. But usually torrid in the sack.

  7. So big deal maybe she learned something and if it works, then everything is good. Why don’t you libertarians put this in a campaign add and see if it helps you get more than 1 percent of the vote this time?

    1. Never point a crayon at something you don’t intend to doodle on?

      1. Is there really anything not doodle-worthy though?

        1. all doodling is now by definition art no matter where it is done on someone face or on the Building walls thats how important everyones work is to all of us now.

    2. So big deal maybe she learned something and if it works, then everything is good

      Typical liberal mindset: Do something to reinforce a behaviour 99.9% of the population was going to do anyways, claim action led to inevitable outcome anyways.

      1. Also note that this Proggy douche bag’s retort was delivered with a political message. The fool showed that to him morality/ethics goes as far as the voting booth. If it polls well then it has to be good.

    3. What stupid Prog lesson did she learn?

      1. I wouldn’t be sure this was the work of ‘progs,’ since Mobile County went for Romney 55-45.

        1. govt employees went for Obama 100-0.

          1. I though it was more like 112-0.

        2. I assume Bob Doles Vagina is a Prog troll. He said she might have learned a lesson, hence…

          Also as has been stated most state workers are Prog lackeys.

          1. Even in Red areas? I doubt these Red pols are hiring their own enemies. Pols tend to reward friends.

            1. They would like to hire their friends sure. But their friends aren’t applying for the jobs. Conservatives(generally speaking) are more likely to find work in the private sector. Progs gravitate to government work for 1 of 2 reasons.

              1. They think government is more important than the private sector.

              2. What else are they gonna do with a gender studies degree.

            2. Even in Huntsville among the DoD civilians. The ratio is not 100-0 but it’s flipped from the rest of the demographics in Hsv.

            3. The county went 55-45, which is 8% more support for Romney than he got nationally. Teachers union voters are 4-1 Dem nationally, so you would expect them to be about 3 to 1 in this district.

              Also, Republicans aren’t anti-gun fruitcakes, so there is that.

          2. Haven’t seen PB around here in a while. New handle, perhaps?

        3. And the 45% voted for the local KKKleagle.


      2. Don’t trust the authorities to be sensible.

        Maybe that isn’t the lesson they meant to TEACH but if she has any smarts at all that’s the one she learned.

  8. Unfortunately, the people who would most benefit society by offing themselves won’t. They’ll cling tenaciously to a life of pettyminded bullying.

  9. The little girl was also forced to take a psychological evaluation to gauge her likelihood of suicide. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t even know what the word meant:

    “My child interrupted us and said, ‘what is suicide? Mommy, daddy, what is suicide?'”

    It’s an English word with Latin roots, formed from the words “sui” or “oneself” and caedere “to kill.”

    Teachable moment.

    1. “It’s what the idiot that’s making you take this test should’ve done years ago, honey.”

      1. winner

        1. Hell, nominate it for comment of the month.

    2. Why don’t you demonstrate?

      Or at least get “Bob Dole’s Viagra” to demonstrate?

  10. Why are we still handing crayons to kids? She could have poked someone’s eye out!

    1. You’ll color your eye out, kid.

    2. Pity she didn’t. I have some nominees in mind?.

  11. “Sign the confession, little girl, and then we’re going to go outside and have a barbecue. Won’t that be fun?”

  12. What stupid Prog lesson did she learn?


  13. I guarantee this girl learned a very important lesson, just not the lesson the school intended.

  14. Okay, I’ll first say the word that comes to my mind, anytime I read anything about public schools: homeschool. But seriously, after every school shooting over the past 20 years, the public has consistently cried out; demanding that parents; school districts; local, state, or federal governments; social workers; or somebody do something. Doring that time, it has proven abundantly clear that no one has found a “one size fits all” solution to this issue (probably because all of the shooters in these situations had different motives and problems). Yet, those of whom the public has demanded answers feel that they have to do something — whether it works or not

    1. The first word that comes to my mind when I hear ‘public schools’ is prison

      1. Public schools used to be primarily for the education of those children whose families were too poor to find it elsewhere. They have always been at least partially about indoctrination; how could they not be. If you don’t indoctrinate a child in the customs of his society you will end up with a savage. We get enough of those as it is.

        The problems are that A) The Proggies thought it was classist to have separate public and private school (except for special Proggie schools, of course, none of the Proggies prescriptions apply to Proggies) and B) The Proggies wanted to impose Proggie educational theory to public schools without reference to whether they would work in the public schools.

        To be fair, a lot of Proggie educational theory had been extensively tried in special Proggie schools. That these were a self-selecting sample, and there might be a real difference between a program overseen by enthusiasts and the same program overseen by the kind of dolts that do low level government work need occurred to most of the Proggies, and the rest denied it.

  15. Brilliant! Now, when the little Eichmann kills someone, they can nab her on breach of contract! That’ll show the little SOB!
    </tongue </cheek*

    * preview (at least) really hates greater than signs

  16. Without her permission, [the girl’s mother] says her five-year-old was then given this Mobile County Public Schools safety contract to sign, stating that she wouldn’t kill herself or others.

    Hey, I’d keep a copy of my personal signed social contract.

    Mostly so that when they killed my partner I could strap on a few bandoleros of bullets, tie on a headband, and then tear it in half just before the blood bath.

    My victims could cry, “But… he signed a contract!” as they died.

  17. This certainly does sound like the work of some hapless asshole trying to turn his/her imaginary social contact into an actual thing.

  18. Mommy, daddy, what is suicide?


  19. District officials did not respond to NBC News.

    With any luck, because they committed suicide.

    1. And that’s the reason why they want the girl to sign a contract.

      If only those administrators had signed a contract!

  20. Tell me again why physical violence can’t be used against this type of stupidity?

    1. I didn’t read the contract but, presumably, as long as the little girl only beats people to within inches of dying, it’s all good.

      1. The contract also prohibits injuring other people.

    2. Because the socially accepted way of administering it – the horsewhip – has become all but impossible to find.

  21. Suicide? That’s something we wish your teacher and principal would try to do until they go it right.

  22. Hangins’ too good for these people. spits

  23. Here’s the scenario progs envision if only they could have had their way:

    [SCENE: The Chancellor’s office, Germany, 1933]

    HITLER: At last, I have seized power, and now I can exterminate all my enemies and rule the world!

    [an elderly teacher pushes her way into the office over the objection of the guards]

    TEACHER: Herr Chancellor, remember when you were in kindergarten and you signed this form promising not to kill anyone? [flourishes a paper]

    HITLER: Mein Gott, I had forgotten all about that. OK, new plan: Peace and nonviolence for eveyone, and make Yom Kippur a national holiday. Good thing my old teacher reminded me of my promise, who knows what I would have done otherwise?

    1. [Hitler then rips the clothes off the teacher and they have hot animal sex. Nazi style.]

      1. Nazi style.

        To the best of my knowledge Nazi style can’t be done with less than three people.

        1. But all the complicated equipment and uniforms make it more trouble than it’s worth.

          1. And it all happens so quickly…

  24. +1 to hear about a girl playing with imaginary guns – good for her and her imagination.

    1. Maybe when she’s older, she’ll join 4-H and shoot 22 rifle. Go on to get a conceal carry permit and be a responsible adult.

      Or maybe some libs can confuse her.

  25. I hope the kid signs it in crayon.

  26. LOLzitarians arguing about whether a contract signed by a 5 year old is legit. Is that what you have to do since you can’t get elected?

    1. Why do you care so little? Is it because you think the little girl’s a racist for not voting for Obama?

      In her defense, she was too young at the time.

      If that doesn’t help calm you down; try seeing professional help, possibly involving powerful medications.

    2. Bob Dole’s Blow-Jobber says he is part of the ignernt majority, the majority rules, so the Moon ***IS*** made of Socialist Green Cheese, the Sacred Majority SAID so! Also we are all being incininerererated by Globabble Warmererering, we just haven’t officially noticed it, yet…

  27. As everyone knows, “pew pew” is the sound lasers or other energy weapons make.

    She’s why Kuchinich wanted to ban all that stuff that supposedly doesn’t exist!


  28. So the school is named Dickson, and they are acting like …
    Just sayin

  29. The seasons don’t fear the Reaper, little Suzie.

  30. NBC News notes that the contract is not legally binding, since the kindergartner was about 14 years shy of the age of adulthood.

    So now she can kill with impunity!

    1. I wonder if anyone’s ever named their kid Impunity.

    2. Assault with deadly impunity?

  31. Was it a bright colored crayon or a realistic looking one? With pew pew, could it have been a taser like mommy has?

    What teacher has time to attempt micro-control of such petty politically correct narratives, not a very good one.

  32. Sending your child to a public school is child abuse.

    There is no other way to describe these kinds of stories. It is abuse and deliberate misuse of power.

    I cannot imagine having to endure 12 years of public school as it exists today. That much psychological torture undoubtedly is responsible for turning a percentage of children into sociopaths.

  33. Was it an evil black assault crayon? No civilian 5 year-old needs one of those.

  34. Back in my extended between wives period in the 90’s, I went out on a couple of dates with a 2nd grade teacher. The last date involved her getting shit-faced drunk, telling the waiter to fuck off, and then hurling loud, foul, invective at me all the way back to the car. The streets were very crowded. As the capper of the evening, she puked MOSTLY out the window of my car. I half carried her into her house where she proceed to go face down on the sofa leaving me and the 12 year old babysitter to ponder our next moves. I paid the babysitter and told her to get home and she took off like she had jets. Took off DAB’s shoes and made sure that her 6 month old child was secure in his crib before I split.

    As a parting gift, some of the puke made it down into the lower region of the passenger door. Fire ants tracked that shit down and took up residence. Said residence that was made known to me when driving to work the following week and suddenly finding my feet and lower legs swarmed with the damned things as I was driving down the road. They bit the shit out of me. I insect bombed my car.

    True story.

    2nd grade teacher. The future was and is in the hands of dolts.

  35. I think, as a parent, I would bring a lawsuit against the school for coercing a person (a minor) to sign a contract; and ask that penalty be that the school must bear all costs incurred should the contract be broken by the youth. Such used to be normal under common law, which engaging contracts with minors who broke them. Then, if the kid does commit suicide sometime in life, or have to kill someone, sue the school for damages to cover the costs involved with her funeral, etc.

  36. We can only hope that the lawyer engaged by the parents is able to educate the school officials.

  37. Bob Dole’s Vagina is an asshole.

  38. I think if I had children in school, I’d encourage them to point imaginary guns at people as often as possible and then I would tell them that if they do, they will be taken to the principals office, where they should insist that the principal calls me. I will also inform them that if they do this, they will get a long break from school and daddy will take them to Disney World. God, that fantasy alone makes me want to have kids…

  39. As Sigivald pointed out, cartoon laser guns go “pew, pew.”
    Even Spiderman knows that.

  40. I’ve reached the conclusion that the only thing that will knock some sense into these school administrators is a baseball bat applied up alongside their heads several times each.

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