A.M. Links: Obama to Announce Military Action Against ISIL, Scottish Independence Movement Gains Steam, Obamacare's Popularity Drops


  • Credit: futurowoman / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

    President Barack Obama plans to launch military action against ISIL in Iraq and Syria without first seeking congressional approval. He will tell us all about it tonight in a prime-time speech.

  • 31 states held primary elections on Tuesday. In New York, embattled Democratic Gov. Andrew Cuomo defeated liberal challenger Zephyr Teachout. In Massachusetts, incumbent Rep. John Tierney fell to challenger Seth Moulton, making him the first Democrat to lose a congressional primary this year.
  • "Public approval of ObamaCare continued to sink this summer, issuing the latest warning for vulnerable Democrats who will face voters this fall after backing the law."

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  1. He will tell us all about it tonight in a prime-time speech.

    Maybe he’ll bore ISIS into surrendering.

    1. “President Barack Obama plans to launch military action against ISIL in Iraq and Syria without first seeking congressional approval. He will tell us all about it tonight in a prime-time speech.”

      There’s no sugar coating it, he will use a new state of the art tele prompter.

    2. Jeez, that’s about as close as I have ever come to feeling any sympathy for islamist terrorist groups.

  2. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is facing heavy criticism for the league’s handling of the Ray Rice domestic violence case.

    The NFL? They haven’t cancelled that show yet?

    1. They just switched networks. Now it’s on CBS on Thursdays instead of NFLN.

      1. It’s on both, I thought.

        1. Yeah, but that doesn’t work as well with the joke.

          1. You said something funny?

    2. I thought it was on Nick at Night now?

      Or I could have sworn I saw it just after ‘Leave it to Beaver.’

  3. Orangutan who picked 7 straight Super Bowl winners dies

    A Utah ape who gained national fame by accurately predicting the Super Bowl winner seven consecutive years has died.

    The Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City announced Tuesday that the 24-year-old orangutan named Eli died Saturday from complications due to breast cancer.

    He was diagnosed with the cancer in 2011, and had two surgeries to remove masses. Recently, he lost his appetite and was acting as if he were uncomfortable. He died during an exploratory procedure.

    1. He wasn’t so hot, he never beat the spread.

      1. I was in his fantasy league.

    2. Alternate headline: Random number generator that picked interesting numbers 7 times in a row dies from cardiac arrest.

      1. Don’t diss the orangutan, he was one in a million 128.

        1. One in 64.

          The first one was a gimme since they don’t start counting how many in a row you get right until you get that first one right.

          1. The trick is gathering 128 orangutans.

            1. From fans of the NFL? Probably not that difficult.

            2. use bananas.

            3. Just go to Levi Stadium on Sunday and you’ll find them by the tens of thousands.

    3. If the zookeeper retires and moves to the Caymans next February, ima suspect something

      1. I’d suspect him of raking off the vig.

    4. He knew too much.

    5. I loved him on Fashion Police

    6. Keith Olberman!

  4. “Public approval of ObamaCare continued to sink this summer, issuing the latest warning for vulnerable Democrats who will face voters this fall after backing the law.”

    As long as the law continues to fuck everyone over.

  5. This is definitely the worst alt-text of my lifetime.

    1. I knew we missed you for something.

      1. Also, Los Doyers doesn’t seem to go after the redheads as much as the Latinas.

        Which game are we doing the Reason tailgate (regardless of whether that ends up as just you and I)?

        1. Good question. I suggest opening it up to discussion for the Boston-area crowd – I will be at the opener so that is a solid option. Nov 23 (Lions) as a backup?

          1. Have fun guys! I’ll sit this one out.

          2. At this point I don’t have Raider tickets, but I should be able to pick some up off of the Exchange next week. I can probably get enough for anyone else who wanted to go. And the 1 PM games do provide the best tailgating options.

  6. Oh crumbs! EU health chiefs say toast gives you cancer: It must be yellow, never brown, to cut risk of danger chemical

    It’s enough to make you choke on your marmalade. An EU watchdog says toast, that most British of breakfast delicacies, should be eaten only when it is a light yellow colour ? not an appetising brown.

    And heaven forbid if you prefer your toast ? whisper it ? burned!

    The new warning from the European Food Safety Authority is designed to highlight the dangers of the chemical acrylamide, which forms in certain foods cooked at high temperatures.

    1. They would probably have a heart attack right on the spot if they ever saw me eat my burnt toast slathered in butter and topped with a runny egg, followed up by a sugary cup of coffee and a cigarette.

      1. According to their scientific models, you were dead 16 years ago. This unexpected pause in your demise means that the end will come quite suddenly…and hurt more.

        1. No, he IS dead! The models say so, and CUNSENSHUS!!!

    2. They probably forgot to add that you need to eat 5,000 burnt slices of toast an hour to have any effect.

      1. It worked for lab mice.

    3. Oh God the fucking acrylamide scare again. I thought this one was debunked a decade ago in that you’d have to eat tons of starch to get enough acrylamides to increase your risk of cancer significantly.

      1. Dosing matters? Why didn’t someone tell me?

    4. Well, it’s good that the EU has no more serious problems to worry about so they can focus on pointless health scares.

  7. …incumbent Rep. John Tierney fell to challenger Seth Moulton, making him the first Democrat to lose a congressional primary this year.

    Teabagged from the left!

    1. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to this race (I live in the neighboring district, and work in Tierney’s [for now] district).

      I got to witness an awesome FB argument between friends a while back on whether to vote for Tierney or Moulton. They wanted Moulton as a fresh new liberal voice etc etc but lived in absolute horror of doing so and watching the seat go to the Evil GOP. Because if the seat went Republican there would never be fundamental change away from the stratified GOP social agenda. So they HAD to keep the seat from going to the GOP candidate.

      That is, from going to Richard Tisei. Who is pro-choice and would be the first openly gay GOP congressman. Which might, just might, be more useful in providing the change my friends seek than electing another Democrat in Massachusetts.

      My friends debating this were, of course, both gay. Neither of them knew about Tisei’s personal details.

      This is going to be a rip-roaringly fun campaign.

      1. No it’s not. My office is primarily staffed by MA women who are certain that the only Republicans they have ever interacted with are the nastiest and must unreasonable of the customers who complain.

        I have to endure conversations where Michelle Obama is painted as a brilliant solon and how the nasty republicans want to make them pregnant and deny them neonatal care.

        Nice people, but listening to them talk about politics is like listening to medieval residents of Munich discussing Judeo Christian theology.

        1. Have fun explaining to them just what a wonderful human being Martha Coakley is.

          1. RIP Violet Amirault.

            And I can’t believe we’re coming up on 10 years since David Brudnoy died. 🙁

          2. A couple of days ago I snorted derisively at one of the political ads for the Democratic primary when it came on in the break-room as I nuked my lunch.

            I couldn’t help it; the candidate had said something so colossally stupid (and on the heels of a clip of Obama shitting himself while pontificating on ISIS no less) and it slipped out. It wasn’t loud, and was over in a moment. But you could hear a pin drop afterward.

            I think they are starting to suspect that I didn’t vote for Obama.

            1. Play off like you voted for Mitt out of state pride.

          3. Coakley and Harshbarger are the most vile people I can imagine

        2. Would you say there are binders full of these women?

      2. That is, from going to Richard Tisei. Who is pro-choice and would be the first openly gay GOP congressman.

        Steve Gunderson says you can fuck yourself. Or him, if you swing that way.

        1. Apologies. first newly-elected etc etc.

  8. Apparently, I’ve been taking part in the JsubD Fantasy league this whole time. And Tony Romo QB’d my week one. And outplayed my backup (Eli). I’m so fucked this year. I’m going to be doing reviews of the notebook for sure.

    1. Is there a pick ’em this year? I’ll be a week behind so probably won’t be able to compete very well, but have enjoyed it in the past.

      1. Also, you whipped my ass while in the woods. So I’m kinda wishing a moose bit you.

        1. Are you saying I’m in the JsubD league?

          1. Oh shit. Wrong Auric. It was Goldwater.

            1. So you’re saying they all look alike?

              THAT’s RACIST!

              1. No, I’ve been reading Ian Fleming, so I probably translated AuH2O into Auric and then confused with the actual Auric.

                1. I was just curious if I also was somehow in it randomly, as you appear to have been.

            2. I don’t remember Ian Fleming’s book on Goldwater. 😉

              1. It’s the one where the supervillian tried to alert the British to the problems of socialism and get Thatcher into the Prime Minister’s seat.

    2. I was the lowest scorer in my league week 1 🙁

      A special fuck you to:

      Aaron Rodgers, Doug Martin, Victor Cruz, & Jason Witten

      1. And Tampa’s defense, I was tricked!

        1. Oh, come on. Nobody should think Tampa’s D is going to perform well.

          1. I now know this after they failed to stop Derek Anderson.

      2. To be fair, the Packers were going up against the Seattle defense, in Seattle. And who knew Bulaga was going to get injured, and that the Packer D would let Seattle have the ball all 60 minutes?

        1. who knew Bulaga was going to get injured

          You mean the guy who suffered season ending injuries two years in a row? Yeah, big shocker there.

      3. Victor Cruz!!! They only threw to him one time in the first half; like the last minute in the first half. If I’m the owner of the Giants, I’m on the phone with the Offensive Coordinator asking why my most expensive receiver is not being used. I bought a Porsche. Drive the Porsche. Instead, the OC insists on driving the 1995 Ford Explorer. I mean, every two weeks, I’m signing a big check with lots of zeroes, made out to Victor Cruz. But I’m not seeing him catch footballs because Eli fucking Manning isn’t even throwing the fucking ball to him. It’s madness!

        1. This is a distant second to the Brown’s fan rant about having “Johnny FUCKING Football” on the bench while the Steelers run up the score in the first half. But yeah.The difference between me and Dallas fans is that I know Romo played as good as he’ll ever play.

      4. Why in the world would you take a Giants R with a QB like that?

        1. Well, the only way to have Calvin Johnson, AJ Green, and Julio Jones as my WR would be if I was playing by myself.

      5. I was the highest! Cordarelle Patterson and AJ Green fucking ruled. In fact, the only disappointing player on my team was my #1 pick. Throw to Demariyus more next week, Peyton.

    3. I know little about and care even less for team sports but I do really miss JsubD. That is all.

      1. word. A moment for commenters past.

    4. People think Romo is bad, but Eli throws a lot more interceptions.

  9. …embattled Democratic Gov. Andrew Cuomo defeated liberal challenger Zephyr Teachout.

    Oh, the humanity.

    1. Actually, I was wondering if Teachout was too batshit progressive even for New York, and what a race between her and Astorino would look like. I already know what the Cuomo-Astorino race will look like. It ain’t pretty – and that’s not just a dig at Cuomo’s ugly mug.

      1. Gotta love the Woolf ads, though? Especially the one about the “Violence against your sister act”.


      2. She got like 1/3 of the vote though – which is a little scary. I have a feeling that when Cuomo is done with Astorino’s mauled corpse that he’s going to veer farther left.

        1. Especially if the Democrats are able to control the state Senate.

        2. I have to wonder how much of that was ABC voting given the districts where Teachout won.

          1. What’s ABC? I live in NYC and noted that she won Manhattan and lost the outer boroughs. I paid no attention whatsoever to this fight but that tells me everything I need to know about her.

            1. Anybody But Cuomo

              It’s a large block upstate.

              1. Unfortunately, not enough voters live upstate.

    2. Sometimes I shake my head at how bad the two major party choices are for Governor here in Florida (though at least we have a libertarian candidate who looks good, even if I’m throwing my vote away by voting for him (yes, I know I’m not throwing my vote away)).

      But Scott-Crist sounds like a dream matchup compared to that drek in New York.

    1. Does it start with a story about a guy in a desert being visited by an angel? Thanks to the supernatural inspiration, he bangs a ton of chicks and builds an empire. No Song of Ice and Fire but an entertaining series.

      1. “She” was an empress who predated Jesus, thank you very much.

  10. Goodell is facing heavy criticism for the league’s handling of the Ray Rice domestic violence case.

    Time to shift the blame to whoever withheld the elevator video evidence.

    1. “The bitch set him up” in the immortal words of Marion Barry.

      1. Except the bitch is getting as much punishment as Rice in this case. I don’t understand the punishment or the reactions at all.

        Should a domestic abuse case (both were throwing punches) be punished by destroying their careers reducing the couple to poverty? This is better than counseling?

        1. I agree.

          As I pointed out yesterday, two words:

          Ray Lewis.

          1. Ray Lewis’ victims were not women. And there was no video.

            1. Exactly. If a little dude had come up and started slapping him, no one would be overly upset at what happened, but women are different. Everyone accepts that women should be treated differently than men by society and the law.

              Except where it isn’t to women’s advantage, that is.

        2. It’s not about them, it’s about appeasing the horde of feminist harpies who dictate American cultural mores.

          1. I know. The ones who say it’s okay for a woman to take a swing at a man whenever she’s annoyed, but he can never swing back because they aren’t equal or something.

            1. Bring back the Bogart slap!

          2. It is about them, but I can’t figure out why. They weren’t watching before, they won’t in the future, no matter what the league does. The media might shreek for a week, but there’s no way they would try to take down they’re meal ticket. Why is the NFL being lead around by the short hairs by people who can do them no harm?

    2. Jerry Jones is a temporary diversion…

    3. Time to shift the blame to whoever withheld the elevator video evidence.

      Just blame it on the casino; it went our of business last month anyway.

  11. At the Uber for home cleaning, workers pay a price for convenience

    At the end of a five-hour trip back and forth, averaged out, he has made $10 an hour, without any taxes being withheld, as they would be if he were an employee. What’s more, he doesn’t get workers’ compensation, unemployment insurance, time off or retirement benefits ? all the perks and protections of working for a traditional business.

    That’s the tradeoff in moving toward independent contracting in the service economy, where people order services online just as they would order batteries or a pair of shoes. Homejoy is pitched toward younger people with disposable income who may feel awkward about using domestic help; clients don’t have to interact with the cleaner if they don’t want to, which makes it feel as though they’re ordering a product, not human labor.

    The question for Walker and thousands like him is: Can these new kinds of jobs support the type of life they might have lived with the old ones?

    1. Human labor is a product (well, a commodity). And given the current state of U6, there are quite a few people for whom that $10 an hour is a significant improvement over their current situation.

    2. The question for Walker and thousands like him is: Can these new kinds of jobs support the type of life they might have lived with the old ones?

      Nope. The question is: can these new jobs support better lives than the current best alternative?

      1. Does that “life they might have lived with the Old Ones” mean “living in Mom and Dad’s basement”?

    3. Taxes are really perqs.


      1. Not having to pay the employer portion of FICA is. that’s for sure.

    1. Wouldn’t it be easier and tastier to have the yeast act on grape juice and then drink the results? What do you need a new kind of baker’s yeast for?

      1. Because wine tastes like crap.

        1. Yeast makes beer, too, if that’s to your taste. (I’m one of those freaks who doesn’t like carbonated beverages.)

          1. Yeast makes whiskey and vodka and tequila, too. You just have to do a separation. Presumably the same would apply here, although 130 mg/L is a pretty strong dose of opiates.

  12. If the Scots vote for independence, that date will be known as “Independence Day” in Scotland, and “Thanksgiving” in England.

    1. +1000 turkey haggises


        And, of course, some oats for the fibre…

        1. *culturally-sensitive Thanksgiving*

        2. Them ain’t oats, that’s sawdust from the floor of the slaughterhouse.

    2. Alt-joke: Out with the old turkey, in with the new.

  13. Clinton allies distance ‘decisive’ Hillary from ‘passive’ Obama

    As Obama seeks to make the case for military action against the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria in a prime-time address on Wednesday, Clinton supporters are saying that she would have approached the battle with ISIS in a completely different way if she were commander in chief.

    “You never want to be a Monday morning quarterback on these issues because who knows how things would ultimately turn out, but Obama has been passive on these issues,” one former aide to Clinton said. “She would have taken a more aggressive approach.”

    Another former Clinton aide took it a step further: “It’s the very notion of decisiveness,” the former aide said. “She’s not gnashing her teeth the way we’re seeing time and time again with Obama.”

    Need moarz wWARZZ!

    1. If there’s one word I would totally neeever use to describe Hilliary’s response to Benghazi it would be “passive”.

      1. What difference, at this point, does it make?

        1. That’s indifferent post stroke Hillary – pay no attention.

    2. At the risk of displaying my ignorance on military tactics and strategy, why can’t these battles be fought covertly?

      It can’t be that hard to eradicate these idiots that way.

      1. You’d need a lot of covert forces (we don’t) to take care of all the targets and cover the geography that they now control. Some of them would inevitably be killed/captured which would blow the lid off the whole thing. You could do it w/ UAV strikes only, but then it woudln’t be a mystery where all these precision guided munitions would be coming from.
        Covert is the wrong tool for the job.

        1. Ah.

          Yeah they’re smaller units for the size of the geography. I suppose some mix of ‘tools’ is the way to go.

          We’ll see what Obama opts for. He’s probably ignoring Generals anyway.

          1. There will no doubt be covert elements involved in the campaign for the high value targets or ‘no fail’ missions, but there is just simply too many targets to do it all w/ “SEAL Team 6”, CIA, etc. It’s a waste of finite resources.

          2. Obama’s a better military strategist than his generals.

      2. No optics is the worst kind of optics.

    3. +1 Bengazi decision

  14. Scottish Independence Movement Gains Steam

    Watt? Really?

    1. And they’ll walk to the polls on MacAdam.

      1. You have me craving an Angus burger now.

        1. I wanted to name my son Angus. My wife wouldn’t let me.

          So he’s John. Kind of a chubby chaser, like our John here at HyR….must be the name.

      1. Do you actually munch haggis, or just choke it down as a cultural obligation?

        1. I’ve had Australians tell me that Vegemite is palatable, so I’m sure some people actually enjoy haggis.

            1. Gladly – I won’t touch the offal stuff.

  15. Dalrock: Slutting made her a better Christian.
    …Losing my virginity outside of a marriage relationship taught me how to be a better person and a better Christian. It challenged my presuppositions about what sexual health looks like, and brought into stark relief the gaps in my education about ethics and holiness. Sex, in this way, can be a sacrament, a movement toward understanding God, a form of holiness experienced in a deep, mystical way. Sex can be holy, whether or not you have a ring on your finger….

    1. brought into stark relief the gaps in my education about ethics and holiness


    2. So she’s saying it’s Like A Prayer?

    3. In other news, monopoly is more fun when you don’t follow the rules, and chocolate chip cookies are better when you leave out the chocolate chips.

      Oh, being a self flagellating narcissus is contrary to Christianity? I guess I’m being judgmental and intolerant.

      If it doesn’t walk like a duck and it doesn’t quack, it may not be a duck.

      1. This is something I’ve noticed. People belong to religions that contradict their values. Why not worship in your own way privately at home or with other people who share your values? Seems like a deity can hear you and guide you without a special building.

        1. People belong to religions that contradict their values.

          People nowadays tend to be cultural members of their religions, who use religious membership as a marker of cultural or ethnic belonging. Most “devout Catholics” whom I know are theologically the fluffiest bunnies who have ever fluffed out their bunny fluff, but they’d be enraged to hear that they’re not the best Catholics ever.

          1. With the exception of EvH, of course. 🙂

          2. It’s because the churches are lazy and politically correct. You have mega church pastors selling the prosperity gospel. You have many evangelical churches selling “one hour a week and vote GOP.” You have many fundamentalist churches who blatantly ignore large swaths of scripture to impose legalism.

            If the church elders can’t get the damn thing right, it’s no surprise that people think that christianity is a set of rules and a voting bloc. Of course, it doesn’t excuse the “one hour a week and vote GOP” types. The Bible is in English, and is fairly clear on who holds the power to judge, who has the responsibility to unconditionally love.

          3. This. I’d venture to guess that there is a huge proportion of [pick a religion] that genuinely doesn’t believe and/or doesn’t behave as they are supposed to. It’s just that everyone they know expects them to pay lip service to their obligatory identity.
            It’s why d-bags send prayers through FB instead of, I dunno, just fucking praying!?

            1. It’s why d-bags send prayers through FB…

              Truly I tell you, they have received their blessings in full.

              1. Truly I tell you, they have received their blessings in full

                …only if they got 20 likes

      2. chocolate chip cookies are better when you leave out the chocolate chips.

        I’ve only met one other person that ever agreed with me on this. Everyone always says “but that’s just a sugar cookie”, which is obviously wrong.

        I’ve actually seen an article suggesting that the reason everyone hates Monopoly (especially at the end) is that nobody ever follows the rules.

        1. Monopoly with the real rules is a lot more brutal. The end comes more quickly.

          1. Which is, of course, the thing that Monopoly as it is actually played lacks.

          2. Indeed. The property auction rules when a player elects to not purchase an unowned property landed on by a die roll caused a major fight the last time I played.

            1. It was the alcohol that caused a major fight. Not the rules.

              1. Gotchya. I wonder what an alcohol infused night of playing Risk would look like…

                1. The Tate-LaBianca murder scene?

                2. I wonder what an alcohol infused night of playing Risk would look like…

                  You didn’t go to college?

    4. Engaging in multiple gangbangs laced with debauchery I can’t possibly describe (or recall, ha ha), made me appreciate kids more. Which is why I want to teach them well and show them the beauty they possess inside. I’d be a good teacher.

    5. Well, that explains the “Oh, God”…

  16. Detroit fire department has alert system made of pop cans, doorbells

    Detroit is so broke that firefighters get emergency alerts through pop cans, coins, door hinges, pipes and doorbells.

    And they make these gizmos themselves ? one involving a pop can that gets tipped over by an incoming fax. The clink of the can means there’s an emergency. Then there’s the chain-reaction gadget: a fax hits a door hinge, which then tugs on a wire, which then sets off a doorbell.

    “It sounds unbelievable, but it’s truly what the guys have been doing and dealing with for a long, long time,” said Detroit Deputy Fire Commissioner John Berlin, adding that technological upgrades are long overdue. “We’re in desperate need. We’re probably 30 years behind.”

    1. Wouldn’t Detroit be better off if they just burned the whole city to the ground and started over? Think of the stimulus.

      1. You can stop with the ‘burn down the town’ stage, no one would notice.

    2. It’s Detroit–they should be thankful it’s not a bone trap made up of abandoned corpses from the street.

    3. And to put out fires, they drink a lot of Miller before going to the burning building.

      1. Used to be Stroh’s….till they closed down the brewery…

        /memories of the Stroh’s shits

    4. While they’re at it they should just build Rube Goldberg machines to actually put the fires out.

    5. Much of the city budget goes to paying retired firefighter pensions. The current employees should take up a collection.

    6. “Fire it up! Fire it up!”

      1. +1 accidental killin’

        1. Alternate: -1 actor

    7. This sounds horrible, but upon further research I discovered that the fire house was supposed to assign someone to sit at the desk and wait for alerts.

      They didn’t want to actually have someone DO THAT WORK, so they built a device to make the fax machine knock over a soda can, so the noise would make the fireman run back to the desk that HE HAD ABANDONED to goof off.

      In other words, these guys were Homer Simpsoning their job, and are now using that to make it look like the city has to give the department more money.

      1. They should get a Drinking Bird to do the job.

        1. That is exactly the episode I was thinking of…

          …and almost certainly that is how this entire fire house is run.

        2. Where’s the “any” key?

          1. Just have a tab.

    8. A pop can? Is that like a soda can?

        1. *takes bite of deep dish pizza*

      1. I thought it was like a coke can.

      2. I think it’s the container that your tonic comes in.

      3. Why won’t you let me wash down my black-bean hummus in peace?

        1. *throws handful of chickpeas at Dr. W*

    9. This is really just a case of bored firefighters looking for something to do after they’ve surfed all the porn on the internet.

    1. How did they survive all that brain cancer!!1?

    2. That’s awesome!

    3. Ok. I really did learn something new today. As a photographer, I hate overhead wires and cables deprettifying my pix. But I didn’t realize how much better things are today. (I can still hate cell phone towers that deprettify my pix, though.)

      1. That’s what photoshop is for.

        1. That is also a firing offense.

          1. Out of a cannon… into the sun.

    4. This was progress! I liked the Stockholm one with the lightning bolts on it and the large star.

    5. Moron article. It has nothing to do with them being put underground. It has everything to do with the invention of the switch by a plumber.

    6. Not really. It was government that required universal access to the telephone grid. If libertarians were in charge, rural areas would have remained without service until wireless systems were available.

  17. The campaign for Scottish independence is building momentum.

    If that’s what it takes for them to drive on the right side of the road, I’m all for it.

  18. San Diego Unified Got An Armored Vehicle Under Military Surplus Program

    Yep, that’s right. A fucking school district police department got an MRAP.

    1. The good news – some enterprising kids(s) will probably steal it, and hilarity will ensue.

      1. some enterprising kids(s)

        At least you didn’t abuse any apostrophes.

    2. They have some place to hide out during the next school shooting.

    3. Did they paint it school bus yellow?

    4. I was just thinking this morning that they should use them as school buses.

    5. Did they paint the school mascot on the side and drive to football games? Maybe they could sell hot dogs out the back.

      1. Drive it to their rivals’ fields and do donuts over their logos.

    6. Why don’t you want the teachers to be safe?

  19. Obamacare Premiums Are Magical Mystery Tour

    Last week, we finally learned the prices for the new benchmark plans for Obamacare. The good news: Prices are falling slightly. The bad news: Contrary to optimistic early reports, that doesn’t mean that everyone’s costs are falling; consumers will have to be attentive to make sure that their costs don’t go up. The worse news: We won’t actually know what effect the Affordable Care Act is having on insurance prices until 2017, when a bunch of temporary subsidies for insurers expire.

    The important thing to keep in mind is that when the “benchmark rate” goes down, that doesn’t mean that the cost of the old benchmark plan has fallen. It just means that whatever plan is now the second-cheapest “silver” plan on the exchanges is cheaper than whatever was the second-cheapest plan last year.

    1. Temporary subsidies that expire in 2017? Jesus, how nakedly political can you get?

      1. Most transparent administration ever!

      2. When the entire system comes crashing down under President Rand Paul, the American people will finally understand the dangers of embracing small government.

  20. Who knew Warty was a Kiwi?

    Man accused of drugging backpackers at lodge

    A Northland man who allegedly drugged male tourists before indecently assaulting them has appeared in court today.

    Michael Harris, 56, faces almost 40 charges related to indecent assault carried out on 16 young men who were staying at a tourist lodge in Kaitaia.

    The victims were mainly overseas tourists aged between 18 and 25, police said.

    Harris faces a number of charges, including aggravated wounding related to allegedly drugging his victims to facilitate indecent assault, making intimate visual recordings, possession of intimate visual recordings, and indecent assault.

      1. Exactly. If the police ever “caught” Warty, there would be a trail of black ‘n’ blue anal cavities.


    1. When you slice Warty open, he is green with a black ring of seeds in the middle, so…

    2. That is not Warty. That is Steve Smith who rapes backpackers.

    3. A Northland man who allegedly drugged male tourists before indecently assaulting them has appeared in court today.

      I was of the understanding that Warty only conducts his assaults with the utmost decency. Was I lied to?

  21. Why Progressive Media Is The Path To Riches
    …Maybe progressivism in the past really was about social change and equality, but the owners of these sites don’t care about anything that doesn’t give them money. Buzzfeed was recently valued at $850 million. Huffington Post was sold for $315 million three years ago. Tumblr, the most anti-intellectual and anti-science community on the internet, was sold for a staggering $1.1 billion. Have no doubt that all the nonsense you read on the internet that goes against your views is solely created to enrich the owners, because believe me, you don’t need investors to get your message out there. You don’t need an advertising rep to cover your hosting costs. You don’t need an MBA to sell a few books that provide you with food and shelter costs. The owners want to be filthy rich and so they are taking advantage of liberals who don’t have much in the way of hobbies or life meaning, hijacking their eyeballs and attention to shoot their net work to the top while creating ideological “movements” as gods that can be worshiped by people struggling to find existential reasons to get through the day….

    1. They deserve that money because they care about income inequality, you heartless, teabagging monster.

      1. They deserved the money because they care more about you than yourself.

        It’s like the Old Spice commercial – Smell better than yourself!

    2. +1 Air America

  22. According to a new CNN poll, a majority of Americans disapprove of Congress, describing the institution as the “worst Congress of their lifetime.”

    An annually renewable statement.

    “Public approval of ObamaCare continued to sink this summer, issuing the latest warning for vulnerable Democrats who will face voters this fall after backing the law.”

    Rubbish! I have been assured by no less than Madame Pelosi and shreek that this is either a plus for Donkey Party folk or a big nothing!!!!!!

    1. What exactly do they want congress to do? It can’t be the worst Congress ever if for no other reason than it keeps the White House Village idiot from making his ideas into law.

  23. Obama Is Trying To Save Immigration From American Voters

    President Barack Obama is trying to save his unpopular business-backed campaign to boost immigration from a midterm rejection by American voters, according to his spokesman.

    “By injecting [the immigration issue] into the highly charged political debate six or eight weeks before the midterm elections is to subject this issue to gross distortion and partisanship,” White House spokesman Josh Earnest said Sept. 8.

    “And we don’t want to do that,” he added.

    1. When the government elects a new people they don’t want the old people to notice.

      1. I am pretty sure that once the current batch of illegals get legal status, they won’t be too keen on giving the next batch such status. There is only so much free shit to go around and so much native wealth to plunder.

        1. From the poling I have read Hispanics are not particularly in favor of amnesty, they are however more likely to vote Democratic becase they think they will get more free stuff.

          Blacks gave up voting for Republicans President back in 1932 because Roosevelt offered more stuff, even though in 1932 the Democratic Party was filled with segregationist

          1. The Hispanics I have known who came here legally have no use for the illegals. Saying that they all want amnesty is like saying every white American sympathizes with the people on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

  24. Old Jock was walkin’ to the polls to vote on Scottish Independence. He slipped on some gravel and fell to the ground. He felt liquid pooling under his body and thought the worst – that he’d broken his flask of Glen Morangie.

    Jock dabbed his fingers in the liquid as he lay on the ground, and brought them to his lips.

    “OH! Thank God! It’s only blood!”

    The End

  25. You hate Manosphere articles. You hate Millennial references. Here is a Manosphere article about Millennials:

    Women Are Allowed To Find Soulmates While Men Must Settle
    For the last month or so, I’ve been running a bit of an experiment, with the purpose of putting together an article about the Millennial dating scene. I’m not sure if I will ever bother writing it or not. For one: it’s very depressing. Two: it might be a little skewed. I’m not the best looking dude, but that’s mitigated by how much I work out, and my fairly good grasp of the female mindset. I wanted to present the article as what a typical young guy of today has to go through when attempting to be romantic with his female peers, and I do not think I can do that since the typical Millennial man seems to be a downtrodden simp who’s infinitely grateful when a woman who isn’t an absolute troll deigns to talk to him and I?well, I act quite differently than that….

    1. I’m not the best looking dude, but that’s mitigated by how much I work out, and my fairly good grasp of the female mindset.

      Sure it is.

      1. He’s that creepy guy at the bar with a spray tan, talking to girls half his age.

      2. Oh my god, I don’t even know what to quote now that I’ve read the whole article. This guy is such an idiot.

        1. Blocked at work. Thank god.

    2. Here is another way to look at that. Women who are stupid enough to be seduced by bad Hollywood Romantic Comedies die, old, childless and alone while those who grow up and have a more realistic view of love and marriage get married, have children and live contented lives. Men, meanwhile, are subjected to the tyranny of the romantic comedy and thus are nearly all in the second groups.

      This is guy is a serious idiot. Not because he statement is completely untrue but because he thinks it is a bad thing for men.

      1. My advice to young men looking to get married is – don’t. But if you do, remember that there is a good chance you will make up one day in the future divorced and poor – so make sure you have enough money to build your life again.

        1. I wouldn’t advise against marriage. But I would advise that one be very careful about who you marry. Not all women are scheming whores looking to mommy up and then use their ex husband as a meal ticket for the rest of their lives. Some women do have self respect and morals. You just have to be very careful and be sure you find one.

          1. Be careful all you want. The person you marry isn’t the same person you married after 20 years.

            1. True. But they don’t become immoral after 20 years. They start out immoral and start that way. If you marry someone with self respect and morals, they won’t lose that.

              1. You have to look beyond the hot sex, the fun times, and the lustful emotions. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing that.

                I had a dating rule of breaking up with a girl the instant she wasn’t a good “forever fit.” It really prevented me from having a ton of fun with some girls who were terrible human beings. However, I know myself, and I know that I fall really hard, and that I didn’t trust myself to make good decisions after becoming emotionally attached. I really don’t believe that this sort of thought process goes through many people’s heads. To them, marriage is just more of a “good thing!”

                1. To them, marriage is just more of a “good thing!”

                  Yes. That is exactly it. It used to be that marriage was viewed as a responsibility and that you choose your partner based on practical as well as emotional considerations. People have been fed the “happily ever after” bullshit so much that they have lost sight of what marriage actually is and are marrying based on sex and lust rather than the things that will matter in the long run.

            2. I am friends with several divorce attorneys and have heard all of the stories. If anything, people are worse than you think. That said, not everyone is the worst. I know couples who have stayed married or if they divorced did it in a civilized way. I have great confidence my wife would not act like that.

              But, my wife is not trash. The lesson is, don’t marry trash and you can’t judge what is trash by how hot she is or how well she dresses. Trash has a good way of looking like anything but.

              1. Being ‘trash’ or not has nothing to do with it.

                And, after 20 years, yes people can become much different than they were. I am happy for you that you have a good situation but this statement “people are worse than you think” is much more accurate than this one “not everyone is the worst” – that last one describes most people.

                Throw in that when you are young you have a bad tendency to overlook minor details that are in fact huge tells, that everyone is on their best behavior, doing their to hide their perceived faults, and you have limited experience with long-term realtionships, and well let’s just say that family laws end up fucking over the father no matter your intentions so just beware.

                1. Restoras,

                  You are not trash if you get divorced. You are trash if you get divorced for shallow reasons and use the divorce as a way to rob and torture your ex.

                  If your marriage lasts 20 years and then you both split under amicable circumstances, how is that so horrible? We are talking about the horror stories here not cases where people grow apart and divorce without trying to destroy the other person’s life.

                  1. I was fortunate to have a not-horrible divorce and a very reasonable ex who is also a good mother to my oldest sons. It was a bit tense at the time, of course, but we are friends today.

                  2. How is it horrible?

                    1. Child support and maintenance eats up a massive portion of my after tax income.
                    2. I can now no longer live close enough to my kids to see them as much as I and they deserve.
                    3. I can no longer afford to do the things we used to do together.
                    4. I am now effectively living in poverty.

                    This was all ‘amicable’. You’ll excuse me for thinking that maybe getting married was a not such a good idea. All I am saying is that, as a man, you should be extremely wary and even if you are and end up in an amicable divorce you will still get hosed.

                    1. And having not gotten married would have changed that how? Your problem seems to be having kids.

                2. And, after 20 years, yes people can become much different than they were.

                  Yes, but this is where different marriage paradigms diverge. Some see “growing apart” as an abdication of responsibility. Some believe that a responsibility of marriage is to guide your own growth to match your spouse’s growth (of course there are assumptions built into that about your spouse’s growth).

                  Selflessness is a quality lacking in many marriages, and it is required. As it was said in my premarital class, “this isn’t a 50-50 proposition, this is a 100-100 proposition. It requires 100% effort from the both of you”

                3. let’s just say that family laws end up fucking over the father no matter your intentions so just beware.

                  This is sooooo true. Being in law school, I see who is interested in family law and who is avoiding that shit with a really long pole. Generally it’s the hook-line-and-sinker SJWs that are interested in family law, and they all have daddy issues.

          2. Marriage is fucking great.

  26. Student tackled by officers over cell phone

    “It doesn’t take three cops to take down one teenage girl, especially a 70-pound teenage girl!”

    Then stop resisting!

    The “best” part is the *cell-phone* video of the incident.

    1. Why do you think they were tackling her?

      1. I’m guessing she’s hot.

        1. I’m not John, but 70 pounds sounds emaciated to me, not hot.

    2. If I go to Kroger and attempt to go through the “20 items or less” line with 21 items I’m pretty sure there’s no danger that the cops may be called and I may wind up spending the night in jail, so why is a violation of school rules an arrestable offense?

      I’m sure her booking ticket didn’t actually list “Unauthorized Use Of Cellphone” as the statutory offense, but if using her cellphone isn’t actually an arrestable offense, wouldn’t the attempt to take the phone be legally an assualt and battery?

      (I get that the FYTW clause means whatever the cops do is not wrong, but just on a theoretical basis what right do cops have to arrest somebody for breaking rules that aren’t actually laws? Or is there something in the law that allows schools to become legislative bodies?)

    3. How do you tackle someone over a cell phone? I thought you could just send texts.

  27. US Forbids The European Law Enforcement Agency From Releasing European Documents To European Officials

    The fact that the Treasury Department thinks that it “owns” information about how the Terrorist Finance Tracking Program (TFTP) complies with European data protection laws is rather telling. No wonder that back in March, the European Parliament called for the TFTP to be suspended in the wake of revelations that the US was going outside the program, and accessing EU citizens’ bank data illegally. The latest high-handed action by the US ambassador to the EU is unlikely to encourage them to change their mind.

    I thought the Lightbringer was supposed to heal all these rifts? I guess playing world cop and world bully go hand in hand.

    1. Just like the NSA owns your emails because you let Google store them for you.

      1. If the government is us, and the government owns our emails becuase they’re stored on the cloud, then the government owns the naked photos of Jennifer Lawrence, and by extension we own them.

        Or something like that. The NSA had those photos long before 4chan did, and I’m sure NSA agents were fapping to them.

        1. Who do you think sent them to 4chan?

    2. But just because the US federal government dictates the internal actions of foreign governments does not mean that the US is an empire.

      No way, cause empires are evil and shit.

  28. “It sounds unbelievable, but it’s truly what the guys have been doing and dealing with for a long, long time,” said Detroit Deputy Fire Commissioner John Berlin, adding that technological upgrades are long overdue. “We’re in desperate need. We’re probably 30 years behind.”

    Maybe a retired fireman could use some of his pension money to buy the firehouse an iphone.

  29. According to a new CNN poll, a majority of Americans disapprove of Congress, describing the institution as the “worst Congress of their lifetime.”

    Yet only one Democrat incumbent and zero Republicans incumbents lost their primaries. In other news, In NH we get to vote for either current senator Jeanne Shaheen or former senator Scott Brown.

  30. How Christian fundamentalist homeschooling damages children

    My interest in homeschooling was first sparked nearly 20 years ago, when I was a socially awkward adolescent with a chaotic family life. I became close to a conservative Christian homeschooling family that seemed perfect in every way. Through my connection to this family, I was introduced to a whole world of conservative Christian homeschoolers, some of whom we would now consider “Quiverfull” families: homeschooling conservatives who eschew any form of family planning and choose instead to “trust God” with matters related to procreation.

    Though I fell out of touch with my homeschooled friends as we grew older, a few years ago, I reconnected with a few ex-Quiverfull peers on a new support blog called No Longer Quivering. Poring over their stories, I was shocked to find so many tales of gross educational neglect. I don’t merely mean that they had received what I now view as an overly politicized education with huge gaps, for example, in American history, evolution or sexuality. Rather, what disturbed me were the many stories about homeschoolers who were barely literate when they graduated, or whose math and science education had never extended much past middle school.

    1. So they’re emulating the public schools?

      1. No shit.

        In Los Angeles a majority of kids leaving HS are functionally illiterate.

    2. when I was a socially awkward adolescent with a chaotic family life.

      Impossible! She was public schooled, so she was properly socialized!

    3. Comment:

      I have serious questions about 95% of people’s ability to homeschool their kids for all of K-12. I am a certified teacher DRINK! with 6 years of experience.

      However, I would not be qualified to teach effectively every single subject to my 5 year old until he is 18. Each subject area is a different expertise, both in content and in pedagogy. And, who says that a parent knows how to deal with learning disabilities or on the other side, a very gifted child, both elements of special education. Who says that a parent knows all about cognitive development and different intelligences, relevant research, etc. In short, education is a REAL profession and expertise, not something that everybody and their mother is qualified to do, and that includes parents.

      Sounds like she is proposing certifying that all parents can competently parent.

      1. One thing is for sure, all the data showing how much better kids who are home schooled do academically, won’t answer her questions. She has questions damn it and non of your bourgeois mansplaining with data and facts is going to answer them.

      2. Teachers are credentialed, not qualified. The two are not the same.

        1. Yeah, this. I went to my fifth grader’s open house last night and the guy teaching English has a degree in gender studies and taught science last year. Sorry, teaching isn’t rocket science.

          1. You didn’t immediately pull him out of school?

            1. She’s smarter than all her teachers so I am honestly not worried all that much.

              1. Take her out of school now.

      3. Bull shit.

        My wife has been a teacher for 23 years and holds a double Masters and she doesn’t believe this or go this far.

        She acknowledges there are parents qualified to teach their kids.

      4. Kids aren’t that effing hard to train to teach themselves. Teach them reading and basic arithmetic, and then when them follow their own interests. Guide them toward the fundamentals they need to know, but give them the latitude.

        Children’s brains are sponges, but they don’t care to learn when the most consistent principle of education is boredom mitigation.

      5. “In short, education is a REAL profession and expertise, not something that everybody and their mother is qualified to do, and that includes parents.”

        Ignoring the awkward grammar, anyone who has ever been in higher ed finds it suspicious that 80% of education majors graduate summa cum laude.

        1. I remember seeing all the education majors in line at the bars on Tuesday evenings when I was walking back to campus to work for another 6 hours.

          It should be noted that my best primary school teachers held engineering and physics bachelor’s degrees. The worst ones had education or English bachelor’s.

        2. Yes, “everybody and their mother” includes parents, by definition.

  31. Your “weird” turn-ons aren’t as strange as you think

    I figuratively rubbed my hands together when I saw that Jezebel was soliciting readers’ “weirdest turn ons.” Snarky, no-shit-taking feminists revealing their deepest darkest fantasies! This should be awesome, I thought.

    So far, the submissions include quirky things like fake German accents, priest collars, fresh tobacco, alcoholic comedians and “hyperarticulate political shop talk.” One woman copped to really liking her boyfriend’s hands. Another admitted to rape fantasies ? dun, dun, dun ? after tremendous encouragement from fellow commenters.

    This all had me feeling really jaded. I was recently commissioned to write about the strangest online porn, which resulted in me watching videos of an elderly woman double-penetrated by her own dentures and an Indian doctor extracting blackheads while cooing to viewers, “You want to sit on it?” Now that stuff is weird.

    1. Everybody has a turn on that somebody else would think is a kink.

      1. Like these people have ever read SugarFree…bah!

  32. SOunds like a very good plan to me d ude.


  33. Karen Lewis officially filed to run for Mayor of Chicago.

    Fuck, I just bought a condo in the city.

    1. Why? Even without that candidacy… Why?

  34. Just a reminder, the Libertarian Party is opposed to this ill-advised, pre-emptive war.

    “The U.S. government has been intervening in the Middle East for more than half a century under the pretext of achieving peace,” said Nicholas Sarwark, chair of the Libertarian National Committee. “But things just keep getting worse. We must stop stoking conflicts that tear countries apart, stop dropping bombs, and stay out of the region.”

    Compare and contrast this to the deafening silence from either of the old parties.

    1. Oh, I wouldn’t say that the Demopublicans are silent, what with all their cheerleading for war.

      1. +1 USA! USA! USA!

      2. Republicans and Democrats are both quietly letting Obama do whatever he wants without Congressional authorization because they are afraid of taking a position. They’re in a contest for which party can be the most spineless and they’re winning.

        1. Republicans and Democrats are both quietly letting Obama do whatever he wants without Congressional authorization because they are afraid of taking a position.

          Whatever you think of this intervention or intervention in general, there is no denying the truth of that statement.

        2. In fairness to Obama though, even if Congress did approve it, it is not like they would ever be held responsible for any resulting failure. Large bipartisan majorities of both houses of Congress approved the invasion or Iraq and voted to fund it every year afterwards. Yet, somehow it was “Bush’s War”. So if your Obama, what is the political upside of asking for authorization?

          1. Hillary’s vote for war gave us Bammy, so there’s that.

  35. Michael Moore Slams Obama: HIstory Will Only Remember You Were a Black President

    “When the history is written of this era, this is how you’ll be remembered: he was the first black president,” Moore said during a discussion at The Hollywood Reporter’s video lounge at the Toronto Film Festival.

    “OK, not a bad accomplishment, but that’s it,” the director said. “That’s it, Mr. Obama. 100 years from now, ‘he was the first black American that got elected president’ and that’s it. Eight years of your life and that’s what people are going to remember. Boy, I got a feeling, knowing you, that — you’d probably wish you were remembered for a few other things, a few other things you could’ve done.”

    “So, it is, on that level, a big disappointment,” Moore said.

    1. That is so sweet! One narcissist is trying to make another narcissist feel bad!

      It’s like watching a puppy try to nurse another puppy’s foot! … and about as futile.

      1. Now I have a picture of Michael Moore licking the president.

        THANKS…..you monster

    2. That’s a whole lotta butthurt.

    3. Yes, Obama is only a disappointment on *one* level.

    4. No ACA love from Moore?

    5. The narrative is forming.

      Obama will be this great depression’s Herbert Hoover. Remembered not for all the shit he didn’t, but all the shit he didn’t do (and his successor did, making things even worse).

      We are so fucked.

    6. I was going to say that Obama will be remembered for a few other things, none of them positive, but then I envisioned what public schools will probably be like in the early 22nd century.

  36. We really should start budgeting for the next war in the Middle East that’ll begin around 2022 or 2023 as a result of our meddling this time around.

    1. I anxiously await all the cries of “But this time it’s different! [successor to ISIS] really is a threat to the U.S.!”

    2. budget? we don’t need no stinkin’ budgets.

  37. Anybody keeping up with Atlanta Hawks, situation? first we found out that discussing demographics and marketing to those demos is racist. Now there’s a report of the GM apparently quoting a scouting report without any context saying that the player Luol Deng:“He’s a good guy overall. But he’s not perfect. He’s got some African in him. And I don’t say that in a bad way. He’s a guy who would have a nice store out front, but sell you counterfeit stuff out of the back.”

    1. Regardless, you don’t fucking say that. Ferry’s been around long enough that he knows exactly how that would be taken.

      1. Ferry didn’t write that. He just read it on a conference call. Those are the words of some Hawks scout that were put into a scouting report.

        1. I know he didn’t. But you don’t fucking say it. C’mon. Regardless of whether it’s racist or not, regardless of whether it’s true or not, he should’ve known better.

          1. Yeah, you laugh and give a summary of it. You don’t read it word for word. But Ferry is an old jock. He is probably not that bright.

            I really think the public grossly over estimates the intelligence of the people running most professional sports franchises. Even though it is a great job and one a lot of people would like to have, the smartest people don’t seem to go into it.

          2. There is also no other context so we don’t know what was said besides that. It’s just a witch hunt.

      2. I kind of agree. I think the consensus of most people over the email, was much ado about nothing.

    2. That is hysterical. And as someone who has known a fair number of Africans, I can say it is only funny because it is to a fair degree true. I bet all of the white middle aged dork sports writers who are having a fit over this have never met a real African in their lives outside of the occasional cab driver.

      1. More than likely.

    3. First rule of email. NEVER put ANYTHING in email that you don’t want to be seen in public. EVER.

      1. If you are honest, why is this insulting?

        A guy who would have a nice store out front, but sell you counterfeit stuff out of the back sounds like a pretty nice hard working guy to me. I would want that guy on my team. Wouldn’t you?

        1. Not saying it is anything or nothing. All I am saying is never put anything in email that you don’t want to be seen in public.

          It is all to easy for race and grievance mongers to take anything/everything out of context and score easy points that never get taken off the board.

          1. Yes. That is my point. It is not that what he said was that bad. It is that he should have known that thanks to the professionally butt hurt, you can’t say such things.

    4. the owner was genuinely remorseful about his racist comments and thinks his punishment should be a huge capital gain.

      1. Yes. I would imagine he planned to sell the team anyway.

    5. Demographics has been a problem for the NBA for a long time.

      In one of those Bird / Magic specials (forgot if it was the HBO or NBA channel one) Cedric Maxwell talks about the New York “Nigger”bockers and the lack of White fans in the 70’s.

      Unfortunately, there is no white star like Bird around any more and no half-white team like the Celtics to love/hate.

  38. Brooklyn residents violently resist hipster incursion.

    Two New York women were arrested Monday after allegedly forcing the dwellers of a Brooklyn apartment to flee their home at gunpoint. The attack was apparently racially motivated, as police claim one woman said she was tired of white people moving into her neighborhood.

    1. I was hoping for pictures of a bearded guy wearing an ironic vest and pork-pie hat crying over his stolen i-phone.

    2. Holder will be along momentarily with civil rights charges…

      1. I read that as Hodor…pretty close.

    3. That was a crime the perps obviously didn’t think through very well.

  39. If Zephyr Teachout married she would become Zephyr Teachout .

  40. Lemme try again. If Zephyr Teachout married (insert name) she would become Zephyr Teachout (insert name).

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