Free-Range Kids

Paramedics Examine Child Who Waited in Car Less Than 5 Minutes

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Whole Foods Market
Wikimedia Commons

Playing out an elaborate charade of concern for a child who was obviously in no danger, police arrested a mom who let her son wait in the car while she ran into a Chicagoland Whole Foods for less than five minutes.

Then, for reasons known only to those who write and follow protocols that bear as much relationship to reality as your average Adam Sandler movie, paramedics came and examined the boy, who was just dandy (impossible!).

Of course, if we all expired after five minutes in a non-moving vehicle, we'd be dead in our first traffic jam, wouldn't we? If waiting in a car is so debilitating, what about those of us who pull up to a friend's house and have to wait while said "friend" finishes "just one" email. Ten, fifteen minutes later, we're still alive.

Fuming, but alive. Nonetheless, according to the Southtown Star:

A Chicago woman is facing a charge of endangering her child's life after leaving him inside her car while she shopped at Whole Foods.

Police said witnesses saw 35-year-old Ilona Lukaszczyk leave her young son in his car seat while she went inside the store at 15260 S. LaGrange Road, in Orland Park, on Aug. 20.

The temperature was 75 degrees and sunny and the windows of the car were rolled up, save the driver's side window which was down about 3 inches, according to police.

The witnesses stayed with the car until police arrived in time to greet Lukaszczyk when she emerged from the store less than five minutes after going inside.

The hussy had some lame excuse: her son was sick and she was late to his doctor's appointment. Better she had unbuckled his seat and dragged the sick child through a busy parking lot, exposed everyone at Whole Foods to his virus, then dragged him back through that SUV-choked lot and re-buckled the now screaming, sweaty tyke. Because you're only a good parent if you seriously inconvenience yourself for no other reason than to prove you care.

free-range-kids

That seems to be the only way to satisfy the authorities.

And so another mom must try to convince a prosecutor that there is a difference between letting a kid wait in the car for five minutes and leaving the kid to bake in the car for five hours—a difference our law enforcers steadfastly refuse to acknowledge. Their inability to distinguish between daily life and looming danger makes no one safer.

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  1. police arrested a mom who let her son wait in the car while she ran into a Chicagoland Whole Foods for less than five minutes.

    Ok, let’s stop right there. A woman leaves a child in a whole foods parking lot. So the only question remaining, which hyperventilating Prius driver called 911?

    It’s Whole fucking Foods. That’s like flashing your piece, or God forbid, open carrying in a Whole Foods!

    1. Ok, let’s stop right there. A woman leaves a child in a whole foods parking lot. So the only question remaining, which hyperventilating Prius driver called 911?

      Don’t you mean how many?

      Fuck these morons. I hope they all die in a fire, very slowly. I also hope I’m present to eat their delicious charred remains.

      1. I’ll bring the siracha sauce!

        1. Mah, I don’t want to parktake of their non-GMO fed carcasses, even if they are slow-roasted.

    2. No kidding. I left my dog in my (locked) car with the air conditioning running while I ran into a Whole Foods recently to pick up some tea. I was probably in the store about 5 minutes. Upon exiting, I saw some hippie lady circling and inspecting my car, but she had already walked away by the time I got back there. She probably called the cops, but I was out of there quickly after.

      If leaving kids/animals in a car — especially OMFGZ! a non-running car — was a crime, my parents and grandparents would have all been subject to the three-strikes law. I spent more time as a kid waiting in cars for people than most convicts spend in jail for rape. The only real downside was that I think it gave me an opportunity to learn the lyrics of every Kiss 8-track in existence at the time; a curse that haunts me to this day.

      1. My parents left us in the car while they grocery shopped… in southern new mexico. We used to ASK to be left in the car. “Dad, do I have to go in?”

        1. Same here. Who wanted to go into Meijer to buy Bisquick with grandma at 1 mph if you could otherwise sit in the car and read your X-Men comic for the 300th time? Come on!

      2. I spent more time as a kid waiting in cars for people than most convicts spend in jail for rape.

        Car windows were smaller and more perpendicular back then.

        1. But the children were generally much thinner as well.

      3. I, too, leave my dog in the car with the A/C on in the middle of Summer. It’s on high, the windows are rolled up, and it’s usually quite chilly in there when I return (I’ll go into some place and grab a bite to eat).

        The car is even unlocked so, if someone was really concerned then they could open the door and a, probably chilly, dog would greet them.

        I was just talking yesterday about how I figured it was only a matter of time until some do-gooder called me on it with the notion that, “It’s illegal to leave your dog in the car in the Summer!,” with no further though on what actually was happening that that.

    3. ” So the only question remaining”

      The only question I had remaining was the name of the prosecutor, an elected office, who decided to press charges.

      You prefer to chase imaginary Prius drivers.

      1. I’d take it to trial if I were the defendant, hoping to get at least a few semi-reasonable jurors, and making the prosecutor expose what a weak hand he or she really has here.

        Unfortunately, the mom will probably either not have time for that, or will get scared and shoved into some kind of diversionary “parenting workshop” so that the state charges get dropped, and the whole thing is forgotten until she goes to renew her greencard and finds out that it’s treated just like a guilty plea by USCIS. Ah, the wonders of our system.

        1. If she does that, it will cost her $10,000 to be innocent. She can’t win.

          The cop, the persecutor[sic] and any judge that doesn’t throw out the case, should all be hanged, as Enemies of Humanity.

          1. Seeing as she was at Whole Foods, she apparently has too much money to qualify for a public defender, so yeah, you’re probably right. (A public defender in the jurisdiction where I used to practice, btw, would get $600-800 for the case, + $125/day during the trial… to give you an idea of the disparity between what kind of defense the County provides people, including those falsely accused, and what people pay privately.)

      2. To get to the prosecutor one must first be identified.

        It’s like the $1 poker night raided by the SWAT team. Yes, the OBVIOUS question is about militarization of police, state power etc., but someone turned them in. Point being, your neighbor might not be on your side.

        East Germany had thousands of citizens employed by the government to turn neighbors in for petty offenses which resulted in anti-communist charges. I know I know, it can’t happen here.

        1. So kill all your neighbors, just to be safe.

        2. But it ***IS*** happening here!!!

      3. The woman has a 6A right to know who her accuser is.

        Name and shame these nannies.

        1. It could have been an anonymous tip.

      4. The only question remaining after that would be how old is this child? Two years old or twelve? Able to get out of the car?

        Something tells me the child was old enough to get out of the car if need be, otherwise the article would’ve said “Two year old left to die of heat in car while mother goofed off in Whole Foods”.

        And for 5 minutes, no one is going to die of overheat in a car.

  2. 75 degrees, sunny, one window partially down, yet the child’s life was in danger?

    1. In that blistering heat? I’m surprised they didn’t mummify.

    2. Though temperatures, after 5 minutes, could potentially rise to a dangerous 81-degrees!

    3. Yes and it’s called Global Warming. And the reason there’s not much of it happening outside anymore is because it’s all happening inside. And that lady’s car counts as inside. And that’s why that kid could have gone up like a pork rind on a fat lady’s behind on a summer day.

      The wrong sunbeam hits the car and like a magnifier glass, temperatures could zoom to a million degrees or more (see I have a hockey stick graph right here which illustrates this perfectly) and cause all sorts of climate disruption inside the car which starts with little Lukey Lukacszczyk having his organs explode out the top of his head. Now…ahem…HOW WOULD YOU FEEL if little Lukey had his dear sweet little brain explode?

      This sort of thing happens all the time in WF parking lots. A lot of these WF folks have suffered from exploding brains for years, especially when witnessing anything which aggravates their righteous sensibilities. They know about this and seek to prevent it. Many of them have lived without a functioning brain much of their lives. And….ahem….IF WE CAN SAVE ONE CHILD anything is worth the cost to avoid creating more WF people.

  3. Wait until she gets the bill from the paramedics. That won’t be cheap.

    1. send the bill to the police since it clearly was not needed.

      1. Good luck with that. The officer decided it was needed, so it was needed. Even if it was not. Because the officer made a decision and the police never admit to making a bad call. Ever.

        1. “A subsequent investigation by the Police Department revealed that the officers acted correctly, as they always do, even when they do not.”

  4. It’s all Obama’s fault

  5. Any time your child is alone they are in danger! Never again should a parent leave their child alone in a bathroom. Or alone in their bedroom at night. Never again should you be able to hire a teenager (just a big kid) to watch your little children.

    We are the government and we want to fuck you so hard your head falls off.

    1. I’m really starting to consider whether this is a world I want to be a part of anymore.

    2. We are the government and we want to fuck you so hard your head falls off.

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

      *Takes breath*

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      Oh, fuck! Eyes are literally tearing.

      THIS is the new Reason meme of the month. Imma use this every chance I get! Well done, DN, well done!

      1. Yeah, I think that will get some use!

      2. Look here Marsha, I’m not sayin’ this just to be statist
        I sincerely wanna fuck the head off of your body

        Prince – Let’s Pretend We’re Elected

    3. Well done, young man. Well done.

  6. And so another mom must try to convince a prosecutor that there is a difference between letting a kid wait in the car for five minutes and leaving the kid to bake in the car for five hours

    But those could have just been the first 5 minutes of her sitting in Whole Foods for 5 hours!

    /fuckwad

    1. I’m skeptical of a 5 minute police response time.

      1. Depends on what you call for. If there’s a threat (like someone robbing your house), the cops will wait a few hours to make sure there’s no confrontation with a potentially lethal threat. If it’s mundane shit that poses no threat to anyone, they jump on it to make their numbers look good while not exposing themselves to anything that could possibly hurt them.

      2. Depends on what you call for. If there’s a threat (like someone robbing your house), the cops will wait a few hours to make sure there’s no confrontation with a potentially lethal threat. If it’s mundane shit that poses no threat to anyone, they jump on it to make their numbers look good while not exposing themselves to anything that could possibly hurt them.

        1. My 13 year old son told me a joke this morning.

          A guy calls the cops to report someone breaking into his shed. The police tell him that they do not have anyone to respond right then. The guy calls back a minute later and says, no worries, I shot the guy. The cops arrive minutes later.

          1. The joke is that it’s a true story.

          2. Remember to always shoot to kill, never to wound.

          3. Updated: The guy tells the cops he locked the guy in the hot shed for 5 minutes.

            1. Where’s Oskar Schindler when you need him?

      3. I’m not. There was absolutely no threat to officer safety, so of course they’ll come quickly. Especially if it means an opportunity to smash some car windows and heroically save a child!

      4. Good catch. As we all know, when seconds count, the police are only 74 minutes away!

        1. For good police protection, locate your business next to a donut shop.

      5. I’m skeptical of a 5 minute police response time.

        The cop happened to be smashing the window of a car at the Wal-Mart across the street to save a poodle.

        1. To save a poodle, or shoot a “vicious pitbull”?

        2. I’m sure the cop was already in the parking lot looking for expired tags when some concern troll flagged him down.

      6. Really? Police masturbate fantasizing about calls to Whole Foods. Good chance you get to beat a “resisting” hippie half to death and no chance of actually putting yourself in danger of anything worse than a strained beating shoulder. I’m not at all surprised they congregate in close proximity to the stores.

        1. A sad commentary on their “libertarian” CEO, who used to be the hero of folks like y’all.

          Now he’s responsible for growing hippies.

          I guess it’s proof that, left to their own devices, Libertarians prey on the populace (especially caring and trusting hippies).

          1. Now he’s responsible for growing fleecing hippies.

            FTFY.

      7. Whole Foods = Rich Upper Middle Class white people who probably won’t resist and certainly are not armed but will raise holy hell with your superiors if you don’t come immediately

        1. You forgot to mention their Libertarian CEO.

          1. No clue what you think that has to do with anything.

            1. Easy. If there is a libertarian tangentially related to any wrongdoing the fault is entirely theirs.

          2. Forgot to mention teh evil K0Ch$, too!

  7. She was late to her kid’s doctor’s appointment but stopped at Whole Foods to pick up some $8 per pound organic arugula?

    Silly stuff, but no reason to involve the authorities.

    1. Yeah, that did seem sort of silly. But not criminal. Not even close.

    2. A Whole Foods customer’s love is not like a square’s love.

  8. I used to ask to wait in the car when my mom went grocery shopping. I’d listen to the radio, and sometimes play a prank where I adjusted all the seats, turned up the radio, and turned on all the blinkers, high-beams, and other lights.

    1. Did the prank involve your mom getting arrested?

      Oh, nevermind. I forgot, the culture used to have some semblance of sanity. Carry on.

  9. Whole Foods, eh? Her bigger crime was not carrying the tike into the store in an organic hemp baby sling, while breastfeeding.

    1. You would think that the people who called the police would give her a pass because she is supporting locally grown, non-GMO, organic food that poor people cannot afford.

  10. …police arrested a mom who let her son wait in the car while she ran into a Chicagoland Whole Foods for less than five minutes.

    Then…paramedics came and examined the boy…

    Nothing.
    Left.
    To.
    Cut.

  11. Just saw an ad on reason called “stop the kochs greed agenda!” By something called “patriot majority” with a picture of a minuteman and everything. Hilarious.

    1. Progs really think everyone else is dumber than dirt.

      1. Well, unfortunately they’re right about a depressingly large part of the population.

    2. Hey in New Hampshire there is a “Republican” candidate for Senate running against Scott Brown on a platform of opposing Koch Oil money and overturning Citizens United.

      1. As far as Citizens United goes: regardless of what the Supreme says, corporations are obviously not people, and money isn’t speech, it’s property. Corporations are just groups of people, and they should get no special privileges nor get any rights taken away from the sum of the rights of all the individuals that make it up. People should be allowed to do what they desire with their own property, including making contributions to political campaigns if they want to, and that shouldn’t change if that group of people works together in the same company.

        1. Further, if Corporations do loose their speech rights, then I assume that would include groups such as the Sierra Club and the Teamsters, all of who are in fact:

          [drumroll]

          Corporations!

          1. If corporations can’t be treated as individuals with various rights and interests unique to themselves, can governmental entities? Because I’m wondering if people could sue government employees (cops, IRS clowns, etc.) as individuals for their actions on behalf of the agencies they work for.

  12. These are the people who think they are their sister’s keeper. To them, everybody is too stupid to raise a child except them, so they are extra vigilant. Also, I’m sure they get off on the idea of even calling the cops on a “bad parent” its like winning a fucking civics merit badge.

    1. I have an idea.

      For anything short of a violent felony, bill the caller for police time.

      1. That’s just a Koch Bro$ plot to bilk money from the sad-faced :(poor):

      2. For anything short of a violent felony, bill the caller for police time.

        If I were Whole Foods, I’d bring a suit against the concerned citizens for like $500;

        “Revenues were lost, tax $$$ were expended, and lives were risked when you decided to call the police onto our property, asshats. Next time, let our manager know and he can page someone or call the cops himself.”

        Why the cops/others can’t call phones associated with license plates before losing their shit is beyond me.

        1. Why the cops can’t simply tell the nosy asshat that called to mind their own goddam business is beyond me.

          No wait, I get it now, the cops are there to enhance and enable nosy people. Its their job to harass people when called upon to do so by busybodies.

    2. The handful of us that post on HnR could probably parent better than 90% of people. The difference is we don’t think it’s our job to do so.

      1. My standard piece of advice for every soon-to-be parent: No one has any idea what they’re doing. No one. Parent however the hell you want because the people giving you advice are full of shit. Even me.

        1. That’s good advice.

  13. Sounds like some pretty serious business dude.

    http://www.Crypt-Tools.tk

  14. The other side of this story could have read: Woman brings Ebola stricken toddler into whole foods and he sneezes on the produce spreading Ebola to thousands of hippies. I’m sure had. That been the story, she’d be in trouble for NOT leaving the kid in the car with all the windows sealed shut.

    1. But spreading Ebola to hippies would have been a happy ending at least, right?

      1. Not if the infected decide to leave the compound and interact with squares (normal. People).

        1. In other words, most everyone in Flyover Country and non college-towns would probably be safe.

      2. Fewer hippies is a win-win both for Gaia-worshipping hippies and for hippie-hating norms.

  15. Apparently if I had a kid I would spend half of my day beating the shit out of concerned citizens.

    1. Well you had better do so with at least one hand holding your child by his leash, otherwise, you are neglecting your child for at least 12 hours a day!

  16. The witnesses stayed with the car until police arrived in time to greet Lukaszczyk when she emerged from the store less than five minutes after going inside.

    See something, say something!

    Did these fine, upstanding citizens get medals? A cash reward? One can only hope.

    1. Perhaps a Presidential Medal of Freedom is in their future.

  17. Next time she’ll learn to put the kid in the trunk.

    1. Where he can learn how to escape said trunk, because it is practically inevitable that a pervert will capture him the second his mom turns away and he will need these escape skills to survive. Frankly, I’m surprised that trunk escape is not taught in kindergarten. Where the hell is common core when you need it.

      1. Frankly, I’m surprised that trunk escape is not taught in kindergarten.

        Law of government and unintended consequences; the trunk would be a safe place you’re taught to go in an active shooter incident.

        1. If I were teaching that course, I’d explain why its so safe in an active shooter situation… Because that’s where daddy keeps his firearms.

  18. What if an adult had also been left in the car with the kid for 5 minutes? Wouldn’t the kid still be in danger of over heating? Maybe the adult sitting in the front seat somehow keeps the car cooler?

    1. No, that’d be fine. As long as said adult isn’t smoking. If he’s smoking the paramedics and WF bystanders are allowed to stone him. But only as a testament to their godliness and piety.

      1. But sun might be hitting the child through the rear window. What if that sun could’ve turned that golden child into a bronzed shell of its former self? What SPF would it require not to be endangering that child’s life?

        And what if the music was at a volume unsuitable for the delicate child’s tender ears?

        And…

        And…

        And…

  19. The moral of all these “outrage” stories?
    Elect Rand paul.
    He will make it all right.

    1. Thankfully you’re always here to point us in the right direction; namely, right up Elizabeth Warren’s ass.

  20. for once this (the authority-intervention) is somewhat reasonable. The 3 inches of one window open is hardly enough to allow generated heat to escape, and while it is no longer summer and the sun is at a low inclination, the sun beating down into an enclosed windowed area can still rapidly generate heat. And the speed of the heat rises can occur makes it so that 5 minutes is OK, but then like 10 minutes can be deadly.

    The other stories, like kids being left in cars in WINTER, or left in cars WITH THE ENGINE AND AC ON, actually had a serious screw element to them. For once this is reasonable. Ms. Skenazy shouldn’t have picked this story maybe. I mean, obviously it doesn’t help anyone if the mother is prosecuted, but the other stories before are actually way worse.

    1. Yeah I’m a little surprised by the reaction on this one. I think there is plenty of studies out there that show how quickly a car can heat up even on mild days.

      I’m not the type to peer into others windows as I go by, but if I saw a infant / toddler (doesn’t say the age) strapped to car seat in similar circumstances I’d make the call and sleep fine at night.

      1. After reading this, I left my wife in the car while I pumped gas, then went into the gas station to get water. It was 83-degrees out, and the windows were closed.

        No cops, paramedics, or nanny state needed. I might have taken her blood pressure, just to be safe, but since she was on her phone the whole time, it probably would have seemed insane — which it would have been.

        If a kid is endangered in 75-ish heat in a car, we must have the most physically delicate generation here that the world has ever seen. This wasn’t even close to reasonable — it was pure nanny-statism, and anyone seeking to justify it should wear a helmet to work in order to avoid looking like a hypocrite.

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  25. So is there any amount of time it’s permissible to leave a child in a car? I mean what if mom pulls in to get gas and goes to pay inside? 30 seconds? 2 minutes? What if she’s getting the child a Red Bull?

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