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Obama Promises to Fix Vet Problems, Bipartisan Pressure Against Executive Action on ISIL, GOP Makes a Video Game: P.M. Links

Zenon Evans | 8.26.2014 4:30 PM

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    In North Carolina today, promising to "fix what is wrong" with the government's treatment of veterans, President Obama announced 19 policy changes on issues ranging from suicide prevention to mortgage applications. Sen. Kay Hagan (D-N.C.), who is up for re-election, criticized the prez, saying, he "has not yet done enough to earn the lasting trust of our veterans and implement real and permanent reforms at the VA."

  • "I do not believe that our expanded military operations against ISIL are covered under existing authorizations from Congress," says Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va.). There's a bipartisan push to stop executive action in Iraq.
  • Gov. Rick Perry (R-Texas) called the abuse of power charges against him unconstitutional and asked the judge to dismiss them. In tangential news, Mexico has dismissed as "absurd" Perry's claim that Islamic fundamentalists could enter the U.S. through Mexico.
  • Florida, Arizona, and Vermont head to the polls today for their gubernatorial primaries while Oklahoma has a runoff. Ohio doesn't vote today, but Ed FitzGerald's (D) campaign has imploded, essentially guaranteeing incumbent John Kasich (R) retains his throne.
  • As Ukraine and Russia met today for peace talks, Russian regular soldiers were discovered and captured inside Ukraine. "Wait a minute. This isn't where I parked my tank," one said with feigned surprise.
  • Israel and Palestine have agreed to a long-term ceasefire. Are you holding your breath?
  • The National Republican Senatorial Campaign put out an arcade-style computer game. Your character is an elephant, you jump on the heads of "taxers," and then you wonder if this is really the GOP's best bid to prove that it's "with it."

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NEXT: A Third of Obamacare's Federal Exchange Contracts Are Already Over Budget

Zenon Evans is a former Reason staff writer and editor.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    In North Carolina today, promising to "fix what is wrong" with the government's treatment of veterans...

    First step is to create a web portal...

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Hello.

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      First step is not to create so many veterans in the first place.

      1. PD Scott   11 years ago

        I wouldn't be surprised if some jerk in the administration didn't think "If only these veterans had gone ahead and died for their country we wouldn't be having this problem now."

  2. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    The National Republican Senatorial Campaign put out an arcade-style computer game.

    It's a first person shooter of self in the foot game.

  3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

    'In tangential news,'

    Aside from the creativeness of this phrase, it comes off as tangenital if read frenetically.

    1. db   11 years ago

      You can spin anything as tangentially related to news items.

      1. Tonio   11 years ago

        Especially if you're frenetic enough.

    2. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

      The things you Canooks do when it gets warm.

      Be careful not to sunburn it.

    3. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

      Is transgenital a thing? Surely it is, given our fuckedupedness.

      1. Marshall Gill   11 years ago

        It is the time between when you make the first incision on the.....

  4. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    ...Russian regular soldiers were discovered and captured inside Ukraine.

    What's a little thing like borders between former bloc partners?

    1. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

      I keep reading here that borders are just arbitrary, imaginary lines. They cannot actually have real meaning, can they?

  5. Aloysious   11 years ago

    There is news, and then there is news

    Miley Cyrus gig banned in Dominican Republic over morals

    It seems that her twerking has offended the government in the Dominican Republic because Miley Cyrus has been banned from performing in the capital.

    We need a new twerking video.

    1. Jordan   11 years ago

      There's always Nikki Minaj.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        I believe it's Minaj-a-trois.

        /Costanza stare.

    2. Obama's Buttplug   11 years ago

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24qKogh39VI

    3. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

      If we could only get her banned here.

  6. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

    Woman in India diagnosed with ectopic pregnancy in 1978, advised to have surgery immediately to remove embryo, but declines surgery. Fast-forward 36 years and voila! - Skele-Baby!

    http://news.yahoo.com/india-do.....00702.html

    1. Restoras   11 years ago

      That is effed up.

      1. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

        I thought so too. There's just something so fundamentally horrifying about it. It's like something that belongs in a horror movie.

        1. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

          I'm half expecting Sigourney weaver to attack it with a flamethrower

          1. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

            So do we call this "stillborn," "aborted," or "exhumed"?

          2. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

            I'm half expecting Sigourney weaver to attack it with a flamethrower

            It rather does look like something that should be beating and clawing at the inside of its formaldehyde-filled jar, trying to get at you . . .

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Tell you what, we'll have Skele-workers if we keep giving free shit out.

      1. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

        Tell you what, we'll have Skele-workers if we keep giving free shit out.

        If India has the equivalent of a Democratic Party, then here's its next registered voter.

    3. Corning   11 years ago

      There is an Ian Banks culture book about this.

      Exession I think it is called.

      A pregnant woman tries to kill her husband or whatever a husband is in Culture society, then is self exiled on an eccentric ship where she uses her special culture gene fixed powers to keep the baby from developing for like 50 years.

  7. Rich   11 years ago

    Mexico has dismissed as "absurd" Perry's claim that Islamic fundamentalists could enter the U.S. through Mexico.

    Exactly. "Mohammed Gonzales" just doesn't pass the laugh test.

    1. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

      It would also be absurd to believe the Mexican Foriegn Intelligence Agency would know anything about it if they did.

    2. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      the U.S. Border Patrol regularly apprehends aliens from the 35 "special interest countries" designated by our intelligence community as countries that could export individuals that could bring harm to our country in the way of terrorism." From Fiscal Years 2006 to 2011, there were 1,918 apprehensions of these special interest aliens at our Southwest border.

    3. Zeb   11 years ago

      I can't even finish reading the comments after seeing that name.

      But seriously, I'm sure they could come in through Mexico. Canada seems more likely, though. There are a whole lot of easy places to cross that border with a lot more cover than the desert south-west provides.

      But the fact that we aren't suffering constant terrorist attacks suggests that it isn't much of a worry. How hard could it really be for a group of committed terrorists to make something blow up in a major city every week if that's what they really wanted to do?

      1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

        You don't think terrorists are capable of playing a long game?

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          Sure, people are capable of all kinds of things.
          And if they are playing a long game, I don't think it is possible to stop them without giving up way too much freedom in the process.

          1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

            I don't think securing borders gives up any of my freedom. In fact, it enhances it, by lowering all the costs associated with illegal immigration: welfare, crime, education, etc.

            1. Libertarian   11 years ago

              Increased crime by immigrants? Citation needed.

              1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

                U.S. Frees 36,007 Illegal Aliens With Serious Criminal Convictions

                I don't care about supposed studies which show that illegals commit crimes at "average" rates or whatever. I want immigrants who are better than average, not average or worse. Note that those studies tend not to do ethnic breakdowns. Hispanics tend to commit more crimes than whites, but fewer than blacks.

      2. creech   11 years ago

        Maybe the tiger-repellent rock works on Muslim barbarians too?

    4. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Or Mohammed Lafleur coming through Quebec.

  8. entropy_factor   11 years ago

    :0 99 pack of beer from Austin Beer Works.

    There is a God, I've seen the light

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Take one down, pass it around....

      1. entropy_factor   11 years ago

        may get 3 buddies together and all four of us, all veterans, will pound 99 beers and make a movie about it.

        I anticipate urinated pants and drunken stories of quasi-homosexual experiences.

        1. Libertarian   11 years ago

          Well, you know your buddies better than we do......

  9. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    ...Mexico has dismissed as "absurd" Perry's claim that Islamic fundamentalists could enter the U.S. through Mexico.

    Little do they realize that Mexicans and Arabs look alike to Americans.

    1. seguin   11 years ago

      Not just Americans...I have a good friend from Kerala who I used to hang out with a lot in college. Every time we went to Autozone a random Mexican would try to sell him tamales in Spanish, which he didn't speak.

      1. Ted S.   11 years ago

        You mean they drew lots to see which one would try to sell the guy tamales?

  10. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

    Israel and Palestine have agreed to a long-term ceasefire. Are you holding your breath?

    Yes, but only because of the gas wafting over from Syria.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      "Soman Chanted Evening"

  11. The Tone Police   11 years ago

    Ohio doesn't vote today, but Ed FitzGerald's (D) campaign has imploded, essentially guaranteeing incumbent John Kasich (R) retains his throne.

    FitzGerald never had a chance anyway.

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      I think it's funny that the Democrats' candidate for Secretary of State is named Nina Turner.

  12. db   11 years ago

    Your character is an elephant, you jump on the heads of "taxers," and then you wonder if this is really the GOP's best bid to prove that it's "with it."

    He taxes me. He taxes me, and I shall have him. I'll chase him round the Streets of Columbia and round the Messican Border and round Obamacare's website before I give him up!

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      I don't recognize your comments without all the free form punctuation.

  13. thom   11 years ago

    Legroom fight diverts flight

    People who recline their seats are pure evil.

    1. Jordan   11 years ago

      Agreed, but that knee defender thing is hilarious. Some (all?) of them come with a card that you can passive-aggressively hand to the person in front of you which explains why they won't be reclining back.

    2. Rich   11 years ago

      You know, there's probably a real easy solution to this.

      1. Protagoronus   11 years ago

        Someone came up with a seat that pushes forward, hopefully airlines will go with it. The recliner chooses to lessen their own space instead of wreck my (6'5") knees.

    3. db   11 years ago

      Really? I'd rather recline and be able to sit back comfortably than be jammed straight up. I've never had a problem with knee room, it 's the overflow from large people in the seats beside.me that always gets.me.

      1. thom   11 years ago

        Do you ask the person behind you whether it's ok first? No? Then you're an asshole. Forget using a laptop, drinking a cup of coffee, or even reading a book. Reclining basically means that you have to sit there for two hours with somebody's hair in your face.

        1. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

          If you are a person of a certain height (6' or taller), it's also an immediate immobilization of your legs at the knee. You're pretty much locked in.

        2. Zeb   11 years ago

          Huh. Well I'm as asshole, I guess. Though it has always been my experience that everyone reclines their seats and no one asks the person behind them if it is OK.
          My most recent plant trip was 16 hours and there was no fucking way I wasn't reclining for that.
          At least on the nice planes you get for international flights, it seems like the seats are pretty well designed so that reclining doesn't impinge too much on the person behind you.

          1. thom   11 years ago

            International flights are an entirely different story.

            1. Zeb   11 years ago

              Most of my flying has been international, so I guess that's my reference. In my experience domestic flights just suck no matter what. You get shitty planes with shitty service and shitty facilities.
              Though I did kind of enjoy the little Brazilian city hopper plane where I got to sit in front of the engines and have a seat that was both a window and an aisle seat.

              1. thom   11 years ago

                On those domestic Brazilian flights they're always pretty good about making sure you have a beer in front of you.

        3. Restoras   11 years ago

          Ask? Really? Who paid for the seat - you or the person sitting in it?

          1. Apatheist ?_??   11 years ago

            Seriously, I can't remember the last time I was on a flight and the person ahead of me didn't immediately recline when they were allowed to. It's a standard part of flying. I don't need your permission to follow that.

            1. some guy   11 years ago

              I guess we can add this one to the list, right between abortion and deep-dish.

              1. Trouser-Pod   11 years ago

                "Your right to recline your seat ends where my knees begin."

            2. db   11 years ago

              This.

          2. thom   11 years ago

            Why people feel entitled to not only their space but half of mine because they "paid for a seat" I will never understand. As far as I'm concerned the seat reclines because of red-eyes.

            1. Protagoronus   11 years ago

              Yeah! Say it again!

            2. Zeb   11 years ago

              If the seat reclines, then that is part of the space I paid for. If everyone reclines, then everyone still gets the same amount of space.

              1. Protagoronus   11 years ago

                If you move from a position that is not touching me, to a position that is crushing my knees, I might consider that an infringement of my personal space and get punchy.

              2. thom   11 years ago

                At night everybody reclines. During the day people want to sit up, get work done, read, drink coffee, etc. A person reclining takes up 100% of the productive space of the person behind them. Just telling them to recline and go to sleep is rude.

            3. Apatheist ?_??   11 years ago

              Your problem is with the Airline then, they paid for a reclining seat.

          3. thom   11 years ago

            Why people feel entitled to not only their space but half of mine because they "paid for a seat" I will never understand. As far as I'm concerned the seat reclines because of red-eyes.

            1. Protagoronus   11 years ago

              Get 'em!

          4. thom   11 years ago

            Why people feel entitled to not only their space but half of mine because they "paid for a seat" I will never understand. As far as I'm concerned the seat reclines because of red-eyes.

          5. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

            It depends on the plane. If you're doing a trans-pacific flight, there is enough space to recline. If you're doing a 1-3 hour quick hop, they pack the seats in too tight on those planes. I dread sitting behind somebody who reclines on one of the short flights, because it guarantees that I'm going to be miserable.

          6. flye   11 years ago

            Your seat, but my tray table upon which I will attempt the YYZ Neal Peart solo for the entire time you are reclined into my lap. After all, I paid for it.

            1. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

              Hey, I've got a big kettle drum solo tomorrow, and technically this is my tray table, I paid for it.

        4. MegaloMonocle   11 years ago

          Just keep bumping against the back of the seat, making a racket with your little table, and being annoying as fuck.

          If that's "shared space", then you get to use it to.

        5. Apple   11 years ago

          If there's someone behind you over 6 feet tall, just realize that reclining your seat is torturing them for the duration of the flight. Maybe people don't know that. Maybe they do and they don't care. I'd rather sit next to a fat guy or a screaming toddler than behind a seat recliner. But, unfortunately, I almost always sit behind one. Such is life, I guess.

        6. Libertarian   11 years ago

          "Do you ask the person behind you whether it's ok first? No? Then you're an asshole."

          BULLSHIT. Airplane seats recline. That's a fact of life. If you don't like it, you're beef is with the airline.

      2. PapayaSF   11 years ago

        You would rather recline, but if there's a tall person behind you, they'd rather you didn't.

    4. Apatheist ?_??   11 years ago

      If the person in front of me reclines their seat and reclining my own will help I'm gonna do it. Also if I'm going to take a nap.

    5. Mainer2   11 years ago

      If you jam some Skymall doodad into the recliner of someone's seat, don't be surprised if you piss them off.

    6. some guy   11 years ago

      What about reclining half way? I need at least that much if I want to be able to relax my neck.

    7. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

      It depends.

      To reiterate what others have said, a variety of physical and social factors go into whether reclining is OK.

      Factors that enter into whether you should recline:
      * whether the person behind you is reclining
      * what time it is, and how long the flight is
      * how much legroom there is
      * how long the legs of the person behind you are
      * what the person behind you is doing

      And so on.

      Yes, the airline is selling you a seat capable of reclining. But in doing so, they are relying on magical things called social norms.

      Most people are capable of following social norms. To do so is, after all, normal.

      So don't be a dick, and don't give me this crap about what your ticket "came with". If people are dicks, social norms won't work, and airlines will have to stop offering reclining seats.

      Dicks are why we can't have nice things.

      (I should specify that not being a dick includes not using one of these devices. Be an adult and ask them to adjust their seat. If they won't, change seats with someone else who doesn't mind, or as a last resort, talk to a flight attendant. And if they can't handle the situation, maybe you will have to be uncomfortable for a few hours.)

      1. flye   11 years ago

        Well done. I would add: try talking to the person behind you. Recognize that your actions affect other people.

        I'm tall and have never said no when someone asks if they can recline, but someone who just jams their seat back into my laptop is not going to enjoy their flight either.

      2. Emmerson Biggins   11 years ago

        Fuck that. Its always ok to recline.

      3. Sloth Fratelli   11 years ago

        Be an adult and ask them to adjust their seat. If they won't, change seats with someone else who doesn't mind, or as a last resort, talk to a flight attendant. And if they can't handle the situation, maybe you will have to be uncomfortable for a few hours.

        Let me get this straight. I'm supposed to go through all that hassle so the special snowflake in front of me can lean back 3 degrees further than they would otherwise; and at the end of the day I still have to have my knees crushed if no way around said snowflake's inalienable human right to recline is found.

        I don't think so. If social norms aren't backed up by force they won't be social norms for long. I'll ask politely once; after that, they're getting the back of their seat kicked at random intervals. Hey, I paid for that space too.

    8. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      What happens if you ask politely to recline your seat and the person says no?

      What then?

      Fight?

      1. flye   11 years ago

        That never happens. Most people just appreciate the acknowledgement that they aren't part of the furniture.

        1. Sloth Fratelli   11 years ago

          It happens every time someone asks me (not that that happens very often). Far more frequent is my being forced to ask them politely to cease crushing my knees.

          In both cases I'm generally treated like an asshole for desiring the ability to still walk when I exit the aircraft, even if it comes at the expense of whatever benefit leaning back 3 degrees would grant the person in front of me.

    9. Sloth Fratelli   11 years ago

      The solution is replacing seats with bunks on planes. Much safer during turbulence and obviously easier to relax and/or sleep.

  14. Andrew S.   11 years ago

    Off topic:

    Manchester United suck. David Moyes is probably laughing his ass off right now.

    I love it so very much.

    1. Andrew S.   11 years ago

      And it gets worse for them! Which is better for everyone else!

      1. Jerry on the sea   11 years ago

        Our defense sucks, so let's splash $100M at some winger instead.

        1. Rhywun   11 years ago

          What a waste of money - I laughed when I heard about it because I really hate MU.

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Since this is the football sub-thread, may I just say:

      Maribor!

    3. robc   11 years ago

      Everton has thrown away 4 pts already.

      Sigh.

    4. Emmerson Biggins   11 years ago

      Manchester United Sucks. The noun is singular in both form and function.

      1. Rhywun   11 years ago

        The Yankees sucks. The Bears sucks...

  15. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

    "I do not believe that our expanded military operations against ISIL are covered under existing authorizations from Congress," says Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va.). There's a bipartisan push to stop executive action in Iraq.

    Hahahaha... I needed a laugh, now that the Simpsons marathon is over.

  16. Aloysious   11 years ago

    Push to ordain Mormon women leads to excommunication

    But if Ms Kelly thinks she's an obedient Mormon, her Church leadership does not. She was excommunicated in June for founding a campaign to ordain women to the priesthood.

    "You know, normally excommunication in our Church is for really grave sins like murder and child abuse," she says. "I was excommunicated for stating a fact, which is that men and women are not equal in our Church."

    I bet Hairy Reeed is behind this. Does she own land he wants?

    1. Mainer2   11 years ago

      Hitchens calls a lot of the Christian beliefs Bronze Age superstitions.

      1. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

        Hitchens said invading Iraq was an awesome idea.

        1. Mainer2   11 years ago

          Yeah, he said that,too.

      2. Tonio   11 years ago

        Not so much, anymore. Dead, you know.

      3. Trouser-Pod   11 years ago

        But what did he have to say about Mormon beliefs?

      4. Zeb   11 years ago

        Mormonism is largely 19th century superstition.

        1. Trouser-Pod   11 years ago

          largely

          Oh, they get stuff from all through the years.

      5. Corning   11 years ago

        Hitchens had no idea when the Bronze age ended and when the Iron age began.

    2. Zeb   11 years ago

      Organizing a campaign is a bit more than stating a fact.

      1. Mainer2   11 years ago

        It's like old rule of comedy. You buy the premise, you buy the bit.

        If you are in a church, and organize a compaign against one of it's fundamental tenets, don't act surprised when they kick you out.

        As my father used to say, at least Martin Luther knew when to leave.

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          No shit. I find most things about religions kind of absurd, and I can't gin up any outrage about things like this. Religious doctrine is mostly arbitrary, made up stuff. If you don't like it, and live in a somewhat free country, start your own church.

          1. Corning   11 years ago

            If you don't like it, and live in a somewhat free country, start your own church.

            Which makes the fact that its a Mormon thing doubly stupid.

            It is an American religion invented right here. Hell you can even pouch converts without any repercussions. Just put out ads in Salt Lake City's newspaper and put up flyers and advertize on the radio.

            What is the Mormon church going to do? Start a 30 years war?

  17. Corning   11 years ago

    In tangential news, Mexico has dismissed as "absurd" Perry's claim that Islamic fundamentalists could enter the U.S. through Mexico.

    No shit. Why would European radicalized Islamists go through violent and corrupt Mexico when they can go through Canada. It is where they came through in the past. Plus it is much easier for Islamic Terrorists to hide in secular Canada (and the US) then deeply catholic Latin America.

    1. Tonio   11 years ago

      Sure, Latin America is still deeply Catholic but both Evangelicalism and Islam have been making surprising inroads there the past few decades.

      1. Corning   11 years ago

        There are Mexican Muslims then there are radicalized in Europe Muslims.

  18. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

    Ebola!

    Leaders of Liberia's churches including Catholics, Anglicans and various Pentacostal/Evangelical groups endorsed a resolution:

    That God is angry with Liberia, and that Ebola is a plague. Liberians have to pray and seek God's forgiveness over the corruption and immoral acts (such as homosexualism, etc.) that continue to penetrate our society. As Christians, we must repent and seek God's forgiveness.

    No germ theory of disease for them!

    Obscure (I think) American Trunews radio host Rick Wiles: "Now this Ebola epidemic can become a global pandemic and that's another name for plague. It may be the great attitude adjustment that I believe is coming. Ebola could solve America's problems with atheism, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, pornography and abortion. If Ebola becomes a global plague, you better make sure the blood of Jesus is upon you..."

    Now THIS man is solutions oriented. If only there was an ebola outbreak in the US to kill all the people that I find repugnant and therefore believe that God finds repugnant. Wouldn't that just be dandy?

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      Ebola could solve America's problems with atheism, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, pornography and abortion.

      Sheesh, Rick, why stop there?

      A large asteroid strike could solve humankind's problems with *everything*.

      1. Corning   11 years ago

        I just saw the new transformers...

        It wasn't the asteroid that did the dinos in...it was transformium bombardment.

      2. robc   11 years ago

        Didnt some say the same about Aids?

        How did that work out?

        1. Gluesponge   11 years ago

          Still being punished, it seems. 🙂

    2. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      Ebola could solve America's problems with atheism, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, pornography and abortion.

      That does cover all Americans, so the virus wouldn't have to be selective.

      1. Gluesponge   11 years ago

        If porn gave you Ebola, there'd be no more nerds left...

    3. Zeb   11 years ago

      These arrogant people presume to know the mind of God. How do they know that homosexualism isn't the only think preventing God from killing us all with plague?

    4. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

      If Ebola becomes a global plague, you better make sure the blood of Jesus is upon you..."

      Really ironic considering how ebola is transmitted...

      1. tarran   11 years ago

        Duh! Everybody knows the blood of Jesus is an antiviral. That's why you drink it at communion!

      2. Corning   11 years ago

        Going to church and drinking wine from the same cup everyone else does.

        1. robc   11 years ago

          We have individual disposable cups.

          Actually, every church Ive ever had communion at has had individual disposable cups.

          Of course, its always grape juice too.

          1. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

            Yeah the church I went to was grape juice in plastic thimbles. The whole thing was really sanitary.

            The matzoh chunks were just in a tray you had to scrabble around in though.

            1. robc   11 years ago

              I like "plastic thimble", pretty accurate.

              Bread is all over the place, some are pre cut, some you have to break a chunk of cracker off, etc. My cousins church, someone fresh baked a loaves of bread that morning and you tore off a hunk.

            2. Zeb   11 years ago

              We had glass thimbles for our grape juice. And crappy little cubes of regular white bread.
              Of course, I dropped out of confirmation class, so I wasn't supposed to take them anyway.

          2. Corning   11 years ago

            I have not been to church in over 20 years...I have only ever seen everyone drinking from the same cup.

            I never drank either (too young my parents decided). I would just walk on by chewing my Jesus flesh.

            1. Zeb   11 years ago

              Was it Catholic church? I think most protestants do the individual servings of wine or grape juice.

              1. Corning   11 years ago

                huh?

                I did not know protestants took the sacrament....

                I thought protestant services was all snakes and screaming random shit while having an epileptic attack.

                1. Zeb   11 years ago

                  Well, protestants cover a lot of ground, from snake handlers to liberal New England Congregationalists and Unitarians. A lot don't believe the literal transubstantiation happens, but still do the ritual. I think most protestants do communion. Some sects only do it once a month.

                2. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

                  Most protestants do communion, but it's seen as entirely metaphorical.

                  1. Corning   11 years ago

                    Most protestants do communion, but it's seen as entirely metaphorical.

                    Which is really important to point out cuz otherwise that would be superstitious...unlike a god dying and being resurrected 3 days later which totally happened.

          3. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

            I feel slightly ripped off when I get my gluten-free cracker and grape juice. Jesus was made of matzoh and red wine, dammit!

            Mildly amusing story regarding communion: I was the leader of a singles group at church, and we went on a camping trip. We were going to do a real communion, with unleavened bread and wine. One of the high maintenance teatotaller types threw a big fit about alcohol at a church event (little did he know there was a cooler filled with beer in my tent), so we decided to treat him like the whiny child he was being and got him juicy juice boxes and those cracker sticks with cheese for his communion. I've never seen somebody storm off so vividly. It was like watching a 6' tall toddler!

            1. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

              My understanding is that some groups argue that it was just grape juice in the Bible and not really wine, but I don't know what they make of this metaphor:

              And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins."

              or

              The next day the older daughter said to the younger, "Last night I slept with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father." So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

              I mean, they clearly knew about fermenting grape juice and the magic of alcohol if Lot is passed out cold enough to get raped repeatedly by his daughters, and if wineskins are exploding.

              1. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

                If your congregation prefers grape juice, go to town, but I get annoyed when someone throws a hissy fit over wine in church and uses the grape juice excuse.

              2. Zeb   11 years ago

                Yeah, the Greek speakers who wrote the New Testament pretty definitely knew what wine was.

                Also, I'm pretty sure that before refrigeration or pasteurization were options, there was no meaningful distinction between wine and grape juice.

            2. ace_m82   11 years ago

              I always wonder at such people. Apparently their "religion" (traditions) trump Jesus' first miracle, making a ridiculous amount of wine for a wedding.

              1. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

                I completely understand people using grape juice for personal reasons (propensity for alcoholism in the family), but it seems a bit PC to get rid of the option to do wine "because Jesus"

              2. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

                It was specifically a ridiculous amount of excellent wine.

            3. Rhywun   11 years ago

              Geez, I used to hang with a church youth group when I was an exchange student in Germany, age 16. One night we brewed up some mulled wine and got a little drunk and wandered around town.... Fun times. People need to chill.

          4. db   11 years ago

            At my church we have individual cups for the men, but the ladies have to double up.

            1. Obama's Buttplug   11 years ago

              Go on...

            2. Dr. Fronkensteen   11 years ago

              Yes I saw what you did there.

      3. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

        Maybe he figures it's a competitive inhibition thing?

    5. Ted S.   11 years ago

      BTW: What ever happened to your co-worker who went off to Nigeria?

      1. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

        She's going back in September. She's flying to Lagos, picking him up and then taking him to Dubai.

        He was supposed to have his interview in Lagos a while back, but she got an accidental email from the consulate saying no appointment was ever made and then notification from Google telling her that the sender was trying to retract the initial email.

    6. Obama's Buttplug   11 years ago

      (such as homosexualism, etc.) that continue to penetrate our society.

      I see what he did there.

    7. Ted S.   11 years ago

      If Ebola becomes a global plague, you better make sure the blood of Jesus is upon you

      [dumps bottle of Manischewitz on self]

      (Well, it's not as if the stuff is worth drinking....)

    8. db   11 years ago

      My theory is that viruses are just leftover engineered bioweapons from a mega-war between ultra-advanced civilizations hundreds of thousands of years ago that obliterated most humans. They are distributed worldwide by cloaked automatons that continue to patrol the skies, releasing chemtrails of viruses in an attempt to continue their millenia-old programming. NASA and NORAD's primary missions are actually to detect and destroy these units which is why we haven't left low Earth orbit for decades. But the cloaked drones are continually being launched from bases in the subglacial lakes of Antarctica.

    9. ace_m82   11 years ago

      To play [blank's] advocate:

      If there is a god, then there is no reason why that god couldn't use germs to punish people.

      In fact, if my reading of the books of Exodus and Revelation are correct, then God has and will use the very same.

      Now, that's not to say that is the reason for the Ebola outbreak, but it's not outside the realm of possibility either.

      1. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

        Yes, but if plague is the punishment for homosexuality, why does infectious disease death seem confined primarily to violently homophobic societies, while more tolerant western nations are more or less untouched?

        1. ace_m82   11 years ago

          I didn't say all of them were, or even most, but that it's possible. I don't think what they say makes any sense in this case.

      2. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

        Right but these are the same people who crow about Katrina being punishment for Southern Decadence but fail to realize that the Gomorrah that is the French Quarter survived relatively intact while the less hedonistic parts of NOLA sat under water.

        The maddening thing is that if someone they like dies of plague they're being tested like Job but if it's someone they don't like that person is being punished for their wickedness.

        I think Jesus put it nicely with

        He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

        1. ace_m82   11 years ago

          Yes, you're right. They really want it to be true and will ignore logic and facts to make it seem right in their minds.

          That's why I don't think they're right. They could potentially be right in the future.

          BTW, it's certainly possible that God does allow a believer to be made sick to test them and an evil person to be sick to punish them. Thing is, without Divine revelation we won't know if that's true or not.

          You bring up another good point, that Job should show people like that how very little you can assume about Divine punishment when there is disaster involved.

          1. Corning   11 years ago

            BTW, it's certainly possible that God does allow a believer to be made sick to test them and an evil person to be sick to punish them

            I thought the whole Noah story was about how god would not pull that shit anymore.

            1. ace_m82   11 years ago

              Not with a flood, no. Other stuff is still open season.

        2. Corning   11 years ago

          Lies!

          Allah created Arrakis to train the faithful.

        3. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

          It's amazing how unbiblical many of the cultural "christians" are. I am consistently surprised how much my growing faith over the past few years led me to avoid that pit of vipers. Of course, that is what happens when you worship the American dream, the State, and coercive power alongside God.

          1. ace_m82   11 years ago

            Amen. It's almost like actually reading the Bible is the best way to learn, not to be lazy and let people tell you what it says...

            1. trshmnster the terrible   11 years ago

              I joined the Christian libertarians Facebook group expecting a bunch of liberaltarian folks more absorbed with self than faith. My preconceptions were turned on their head when I found minarchists and anarchists who have forgotten more about the Bible than I've ever known. It was quite a humbling experience.

              1. ace_m82   11 years ago

                Huh, so there are more like me...

                Mwahahahaaaa!

  19. Aloysious   11 years ago

    Cambodian rat meat: A growing export market

    A unique harvest is under way in the rice fields of Cambodia where tens of thousands of wild rats are being trapped alive each day to feed a growing export market for the meat of rural rodents.

    Popularly considered a disease-carrying nuisance in many societies, the rice field rats, Rattus argentiventer, of this small South-East Asian nation are considered a healthy delicacy due to their free-range lifestyle and largely organic diet.

    Free range rat. Tastes just like chicken.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      Free range rat

      Nice band name.

    2. Jerry on the sea   11 years ago

      No bat and cat?

    3. PD Scott   11 years ago

      "Excuse me, is this free-range rat fair trade certified?"-soon to be overheard at a trendy eatery near you.

  20. flye   11 years ago

    Regarding the terrible horrible Burger King tax inversion scheme, here's an informative (and funny) article from the always readable Matt Levine at Bloomberg on what's really happening there. Yes, I missed that thread earlier.

    Bonus WDMT? quote: "millennials love things that are part donut and part thing that is not a donut."

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      That was a really good article.

      1. Rhywun   11 years ago

        Needz "cronut" trigger alert.

        1. Rhywun   11 years ago

          OTOH the bonus quote kind of covers it so I retract my statement.

  21. AuH20   11 years ago

    So the Republicans are ripping off Mario, meaning that it will be next big cell phone game.

    I mean, Bubble Witch is Bubble Bobbe rip-off, and Candy Crush is a reskinned Bejeweled, so logic dictates that I am right.

    1. Corning   11 years ago

      Mario ripped off Pitfall.

  22. robc   11 years ago

    The Onion as awesome as ever.

    1. Aloysious   11 years ago

      ...reportedly arresting more than two dozen key members of the faction and exposing many of the bizarre inner workings of this insular fundamentalist organization.

      How does that saying go? All good comedy is based in reality, or has a kernel of truth in it, or something like that.

      That, right there, is some funny stuff.

      1. robc   11 years ago

        The whole thing is deadly accurate if you have no idea who the Kennedys are.

        Except the last sentence, which was thrown in their for "balance" and seems unnecessary. Although a bit funny, considering his history.

    2. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      I laughed.

  23. MegaloMonocle   11 years ago

    Global warmists caught fudging the data in Australia:

    http://www.thegwpf.org/the-hea.....e-records/

    Marohasy has analysed the physical temperature records from more than 30 stations included in the BoM set that determines the official national temperature record.

    And she remains disturbed by a pattern whereby homogenisation exaggerates, or even produces, a record of steady warming against a steady or cooling trend in the raw data.

    Clearly, the best solution to fudged temperature data is a carbon tax.

    1. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

      Look, the warming is coming, I promise.

      1. Corning   11 years ago

        The Oceans are Tea party thugs and hiding the heat deep in their midst.

        1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

          Never mind the unscientific nonsense you may have heard about "heat rising."

  24. Aloysious   11 years ago

    Sex education should start at seven, Lib Dems say

    All children in England's state schools should get lessons about sex and relationships from the age of seven, the Liberal Democrats have said.

    The party said the "age-appropriate" lessons would be part of a "curriculum for life", which would also include money management and citizenship.

    Labour backed the idea but said the Lib Dems had failed to deliver it so far.

    I wonder how long this idea will take to cross the pond to 'Murika? I am looking forward to some reasonable and tempered debate on the subject.

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Alcohol education should be based on the fact that the kids are going to do it when they get to be high school age anyway, so we'd better teach them to drink responsibly.

    2. Libertarian   11 years ago

      "I am looking forward to some reasonable and tempered debate on the subject."

      Boy, are you going to be disappointed.

  25. Jerry on the sea   11 years ago

    About 1,400 Rotherham children 'sexually exploited over 16-year period'.

    The Guardian cannot even write that this was going on in a Pakistani subculture?!

    1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      several staff described their nervousness about identifying the ethnic origins of perpetrators for fear of being thought racist

      That Labour plan to make the UK less white is certainly progressing. Celebrate diversity!

  26. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

    What's screwed up right now is the media and the administration talking about acts of war or potential acts of war we may commit, while what's supposed to be happening is Congress debating whether this country should be committing acts of war.

    1. Libertarian   11 years ago

      This is so true, yet I'd bet that 80% of the country wouldn't even get your point.

    2. Michael S. Langston   11 years ago

      When you control the bully pulpit, this is a public debate strategy which works, with media complicity.

      And that is, instead of arguing about whether war is a good idea, one argues how, specifically, it might be accomplished.

      They argue back and forth about troop levels (if any), bombing capmaigns, expected time spent, etc, etc.

      And while everyone argues over whether ground troops are a good idea, no one is debating whether the war itself is a good idea.

      See Bush re: Iraq, where the discussion for months was over things like UN approval.

  27. Aloysious   11 years ago

    Watch Joe Biden Flirt With A 108-Year-Old Veteran

    Vice President Joe Biden's flirting skills are legendary and they were on full display July 25 when he met with America's oldest living female veteran, Lucy Coffey. The White House released an adorable video of Coffey's encounter with Biden on Tuesday that shows the vice president working his magic.

    I'm not watching any of this shit.

    1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

      Coffee is for closers, Joe. Close the deal.

      1. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

        That reminds me. I want coffee.

        1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

          Not at that price you don't.

      2. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        Looks at coffee.

        Reads Pro Liberate comment.

        Looks down at coffee again. Throws it out.

    2. Libertarian   11 years ago

      Say what you will about Obama. I hope to hell he finishes his 2nd term.

  28. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

    Mozilla Unveils $33 Intex Cloud FX Smartphone

    Mozilla, known for its Firefox web browser, is venturing into the low-cost smartphone market by launching a cellphone priced at about $33 in India.

    On Monday, Mozilla unveiled its first ultra low-cost smartphone, Intex Cloud FX, together with Indian handset company Intex Technologies India Ltd. The smartphone runs on Mozilla's Firefox software and supports two SIM cards and is powered by a one gigahertz processor, with expandable memory of up to 4 gigabytes.

    Mozilla is targeting first time smartphone buyers who haven't yet upgraded their basic feature phones because of high prices or technology specifications.

    1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      Interesting. With ultra-low-cost internals and HTML5, it'll be slow, though. And it's a dicey market: cheaper than cheap-ass Android phones, where everyone is losing money.

    2. Corning   11 years ago

      I had one of those Nokia brick phones from the 2000s...

      It had texting and email and web.

      I am sure those things can't cost more then $30 to make nowadays.

      Note: They are destructible. My iPhone with otterbox cover has been dropped more times then i dropped my Nokia and that piece of shit hardly worked by the end while my iPhone is working just fine and has lasted at least 2 years longer.

      1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

        I'm still on my iPhone 3gs, now five years old. The battery doesn't last long any more, and it's stuck on iOS 6, so in the coming months I'll get an iPhone 6.

  29. PapayaSF   11 years ago

    American Douglas McAuthur McCain Dies Fighting for ISIS in Syria

    1. Corning   11 years ago

      Should the US government really be spending money fighting ISIS when the only US citizens willing to fight in Iraq/Syria on their own dime are on ISIS's side?

    2. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

      I think the real question here is who the hell gives their kid a name like that?

      1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

        It's better that most ghetto names.

  30. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

    Free market posterboy Uber turns out to not like the free market so much:

    This is Uber's playbook for sabotaging Lyft

    Earlier this month, CNN reported that Uber employees around the country ordered and then canceled 5,560 Lyft rides, according to an analysis by Lyft. (Lyft arrived at this figure by cross-referencing the phone numbers of users who tried to recruit Lyft drivers to Uber with users who had previously canceled rides.)

  31. userve32   11 years ago

    That makes no sense at all dude.

    http://www.AnonCrypt.tk

  32. Jordan   11 years ago

    She fought with it for almost half an hour. Good lord. I think I would have just said "fuck it" after about 5 minutes.

  33. Mainer2   11 years ago

    And I thought it hurt when our new Papillon puppy bit me. I mean those baby teeth are sharp !

  34. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

    "She said she managed to smash some of the animal's teeth during the struggle."

    I believe it, too.

    Imagine the leopard describing this to his leopard-friends.

    "Yeah, I ran into a band of 20 hunterth armed with submachine guns and huge rockth, they tried to kill me, but I jutht clawed my way out, yeah, man it wath wild."

  35. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

    Good for her.

    The leopard was no doubt racist.

  36. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    Yeah, that cat really stuck with it.

  37. Corning   11 years ago

    "I fought head on with it for almost half an hour. Then I came to know it was dead,"

    I am guessing she is a Sihk or a Muslim and not a Hindu.

  38. Corning   11 years ago

    I think I would have just said "fuck it" after about 5 minutes.

    I think the actual fight was probably less then a minute then they just stood there facing each other maybe with a couple of fake lunges and swipes for 29 more min until she noticed it had died.

  39. Mainer2   11 years ago

    He responded as he'd been trained.

  40. Jordan   11 years ago

    When can we expect to see Groupernado?

  41. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

    Oh, you don't see Groupernado coming. Did you see that thing? I'm staying out of the water.

  42. Corning   11 years ago

    The leopard dieded. Plus it is a leopard so it has no friends.

  43. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

    Dead men cats tell no tails.

  44. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

    Shit that was supposed to be strike-through. EDIT BUTTON!

  45. Rich   11 years ago

    They like humans.

  46. Zeb   11 years ago

    Or just tighten things properly.

  47. Heroic Mulatto   11 years ago

    You can't get more Hindu than Kamla Devi, unless your name is Krishna McGanesh.

  48. Corning   11 years ago

    Then doesn't she now go to Hindu hell for killing the soul of a grand parent or whatever.

  49. Corning   11 years ago

    Also I am totally naming my first daughter Krishna McGanesh Corning now.

  50. Libertarian   11 years ago

    "Like", as in "serving mankind" like, or..........

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