Brickbat: The Pipes Are Calling

Campbell Webster and Eryk Bean were returning from winning a bagpipe contest in Canada and drove across the border in Vermont. That's where customs officials seized their bagpipes for containing ivory. The U.S. prohibits importing ivory taken after 1975. Both boys had certificates showing the ivory in their pipes was taken long before that, but customs kept the ivory parts anyway. They had to contact the congressional delegation of their home state of New Hampshire to get the parts back. Customs officials still forced them to pay $576 in fees because they came back across the border at a "non-designated crossing."
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They should have played a brave tune to rouse the clans and attacked Customs, crying "Freeeeeeedoooooooom!"
That's not how you use bagpipes. You let the mournful wail waft through the pre-dawn mist as you approach, otherwise remaining completely silent. The first sound other than the pipe the enemy should hear is the grenades, whose blasts signal the charge. Then you unleash the woad-painted berzerker in your heart (damned Nordic mixing) and assault their position with overwhelming firepower and rage.
I say a good old fashioned Highland Charge... claymores out, charge, hack/slash, let the dogs feast on their enemies' remains while you play the pipes and drink usquebaugh.
Border Patrol has machine guns. The classic Highland Charge would get massacred.
The border patrol is renowned for their bravery.
Or not.
That's why you use the proper psychological warfare. In the pre-dawn attack, you'll probably end up assaulting an empty border post that smells vaguely of urine as the Border Patrol abandoned it in terror before you got within range.
They sure carry on like tough guys. Against unarmed people, anyway.
"non-designated crossing."
What does this phrase even mean (aside from FYTY)?
It means they were supposed to follow the Cyotes over the southern border instead of driving on the nice paved road across the northern border.
It means the kids dared to fight back so they had to make shit up to punish them.
He said 'aside from' that.
Looks like this case is...
[dons sunglasses]
...in the bag.
Booo!
Thow him off the stage!
Cue The Who.
*plays Abbot and Costello Routine*
Isn't bagpipe playing a violation of the NAP?
BURN HERETIC!
*Ignites Flamer*
Why did you set Tony on fire?
Ummm.... Is anyone going to complain?
You can't set fire to people. Without inviting us to toast marshmallows first, that is.
Don't the grease that condenses on the marshmallows gives them a foul taste.
This is how to play the bagpipes.
The only winning move is not to play.
I now have to go buy his albums.
Red Hot Chilli Pipers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbY8eNkaW4k