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Friday Funnies: John Kerry's Peace Mission

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John Kerry

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  1. Looks like Kerry’s yacht ran out of gas. And Netanyahu needs to water his bushes. They’re looking a little dead.

    1. Are you sure that’s not just the orangeleaf fern?

      1. I thought maybe they were incarnations of the biblical burning bush, and God was speaking through Kerry.

        1. Wouldn’t he be on fire then? And there is no way John Kerry is the Metatron.

    2. HELLO – burning bush, yo. The Lord works mysterious ways.

      1. Um, maybe I should have read WTF’s comment 36 minutes earlier before posting this.

        Or not. Movig on…

  2. Unless that gas can has a YouTube video inside of it, I’m not too concerned.

  3. You know who else had an innocent gasoline fight?….

    1. The Children of the Wasteland?

      1. Winner! ….Took you guys long enough

      2. That has to be one of the dumbest movies I’ve never seen all the way through.

        1. Were you strapped into that device from “A Clockwork Orange”?

        2. Thank you for the warning. I’ve never seen it – will continue to avoid.

          1. Don’t listen to sarc, that movie is hilarious, watch it.

            1. Damn! Now I’m all conflicted!!

              1. Don’t be, if you like comedies, that one is really good, seriously.

                1. if you like comedies, that one is really good, seriously.

                  My idea of a comedy is Pulp Fiction. Now there’s a funny movie.

                  1. Pulp Fiction is funny, but it’s not a comedy.

                    Zoolander is a comedy, but it’s not funny.

              2. I second seeing it. It is highly qoute-able and quirky. Lots of good cameos with genre nods ie. Duchovny as the hand model conspiracy theorist.

        3. Mer-man …. MER-MAN!

        4. “I got the black lung, pop.”

          Use that about half the time I cough.

  4. http://license.icopyright.net/…..gzNDA2ODg=

    IRS Strikes Deal With Atheists To Monitor Sermons And Homilies

    The FFRF says that such events at “rogue churches” have “become an annual occasion for churches to violate the law with impunity.” But doesn’t the Constitution say that Congress can make no such laws?

    Because the real threat to freedom is those evil FUNDIES.

    1. Well, they helped elect Obama, so…

      /kidding

    2. Non-religous non-profits engage in political speech all the time.

      Non-profit status invites too much scrutiny and it is pretty much bullshit anyway. Just do away with it and no one will be singled out.

      1. Except that the FRF folks are not arguing for that. They love non profits. Their problem is they are authoritarian fucks. Like gay rights and a lot of other things “atheism” increasingly just means “one variety of totalitarian leftist”.

        1. Churches get special tax treatment more favorable than other nonprofits (including secular nonprofits that engage in politics). If you want special sugar you have to expect that daddy will have conditions

          http://www.irs.gov/Charities-&…..ed-Filings

    3. Well, they helped elect Obama, so…

      /kidding

      1. BEHOLD MY POWER!

        1. SPLITTER! God’ll getcha….

            1. Where’s Johnny Longtorso for some “Golden Girls” lynx when we need him?

              1. I know, I hang this fat, lazy curveball over the plate, and no one stepped up to take a hack at it.

    4. This is about a government granted benefit, not free exercise. If they ran afoul here all they’d lose is their extra special deferential tax status and be treated like secular nonprofits

      1. Not really Bo. My right not to pay taxes on donations for charitable and spiritual matters is God given. It’s a relinquishing of that right to allow government to tax such activities. You have it backwards.

        1. I’m against taxation generally, but when people and orgs get special treatment in that area just because they’re religious that’s a problem , an establishment problem ( and for what it’s worth a violation of the LP platform that government must not hinder or aid religion)

          1. Show me a church and (with a few exceptions) I’ll show you a charity. Why do you hate charities?

            1. Churches are indeed charitable organizations and generally do a lot of good things in that capacity. But I don’t think they should be treated any differently from any other charitable social club.

              1. As soon as an organization is taxed, the government uses the tax code to tell them how to operate. Do you really want churches to be regulated through the tax code?

                1. But doesn’t the tax exemption they get now already mean that they are regulated through the tax code? That’s what this whole discussion is about, whether some churches should lose their tax status because they get too far into electoral politics.

                  1. But doesn’t the tax exemption they get now already mean that they are regulated through the tax code?

                    By not being taxed they are regulated?

                    Is not giving taking and not taking giving?

                    1. By not being taxed, but having the possibility that they could be taxed if they say the wrong things, they are regulated. This has nothing to do with whether tax brakes are giveaways or not. It is about the IRS having power to take away the special tax treatment if the churches don’t behave in a certain way.

                    2. By not being taxed they are regulated?

                      Is not giving taking and not taking giving?

                      Yes. The way giving homosexual couples the same “special treatment” you give to heterosexual couples makes everyone, couple or not, homosexual or not, the same and more free.

                2. I say cut the ol Gordian knot and abolish the damn income tax

                  1. Yeah, that would be the best. My biggest beef with the income tax is that it allows too much government access to private information and too much opportunity for social engineering projects.

                3. Also, I said “I don’t think they should be treated any differently from any other charitable social club”.

                  That could also be accomplished by treating all charitable social clubs as churches are treated now. Or better yet, not taxing any corporations, non-profit or not. Or even more better, not taxing income at all.

            2. Very little of the average church’s budget is spent on actual charity. Most of it is spent on providing services to its own members that would be considered non-charitable in a non-religious context.

              If I pay a psychiatrist for marriage counseling, that’s not charity. Paying a priest for marriage counseling shouldn’t be either.

          2. I fail to see how not taxing religious donations establishes a state religion. I could make a case that taxing and regulating religious activities does hinder the free exercise thereof.

            1. It’s the preferential treatment of religious organizations.

              1. So you’d prefer religious organizations be regulated through the tax code. As in do this and you get taxed at this rate, do that and you get taxed at that rate, so as to “nudge” them into doing what the regulator wants them to do. By wanting to tax religious organizations, you want a de-facto state religion.

      2. Right. Government owns everything, so if they let you keep a little more of what you have, that’s a benefit. Got it.

        1. So are you ok with tax breaks for, say, Gaia friendly energy companies that fossil fuel based ones can’t get?

          1. All for tax breaks, as long as the ‘break’ isn’t bigger than the taxes they actually pay (most gaia companies).

        2. But aren’t special tax brakes for certain types of organizations a case of government picking winners and losers? I’d like to see the income tax go away completely, but I don’t think that that necessarily means that any reduction in the tax for anyone for any reason is necessarily a good thing. Isn’t the fact that the income tax is used that way what enabled all of the recent IRS scandals to happen?

          1. What enabled the IRS scandal are the laws and regulations that seek to censor non-profit speech.

            1. Which appears to be exactly what the tax exemption for churches does.

              I’m not saying I want churches to pay more taxes. I’m saying that the tax code should be consistent and not treat different organizations differently based on their political alignment or the content of their speech.

              1. As someone who regularly interacts with churches I would say this. That the whole system should be put away with when it comes to the tax or not to tax. Churches are already singled out in the constitution. They should not be categorized as other charities. Religious organizations should simple have to file a record of what land they hold so that taxes are not collected and no record of either activity, speech, or employment need to be recorded or submitted. This would though also eliminate special tax breaks for those who give to churches and keep special tax breaks who are directly employed by the religious organization. That would be real freedom.

  5. Wait – Bill Walton is in Hell in the future with Donald Sterling? Is he interviewing him for Inside the NBA from the future beyond or something, and he’s being sent to Middle East/Africa in the hereafter as punishment? or are they both there, burning in hell for eternity, because they BOTH suck? Enquiring people want to know.

    NEEDS. MOAR. LABELZ.

    I don’t get it. Awful – therefore – perfect.

    Happy fucking Friday, Reasonoids!

    1. This is awesome, I thought Hell at first glance but the rest you’ve got here is what you fellows call a thread winner

  6. Arthur Brown has something to say about all this….I’d like Kerry if he’d walk into a meeting and say this.

    1. I just learned what a pangolin is thanks to my son’s National Geographic Kids. Those little critters are adorable! I’m thinking about buying a few and releasing them. We need cuter invasive species here in Floriduh.

      1. You already plenty of Yankee retirees

        1. +Canucks

          1. He said ‘cuter’, as in cuter than pythons.

        2. We need cuter invasive species here in Floriduh.

          19 year old girls from SEC campuses not located in Gainesville?

      2. ProL’Dibs’ “Boas, Pythons and Moar” not “warn ‘n’ fussy” enough for you Sunshine Staters?

        1. pfffffffft

          “fussy” = “fuZZy”

          I lulz at mice elf.

      3. Let me get this straight… you want to add armored skunks to the gator and python infested swamps because said armored skunks are cuter than the assorted reptiles and snails that have wandered in?

        1. I always thought they looked like mammalian crocodiles.

          1. The ‘skunk’ classification was in regards to the defensive scent glands that they appear to have in addition to the armor scales. I think they’d fit right in with the current residents of the everglades if they can survive in a swamp. (Not sure if they’re arid adapted or not)

            1. But how do they taste, and what are the potential Florida Man follies?

              1. Do you think that I, a Mere Upstate Bureaucrat can predict what Florida Man might do? I, sir, am not psychic, or psychotic. I lack the insight into madness required to make that assessment.

                1. I, sir, am not […] psychotic.

                  The certainty of that statement causes me great concern.

                  1. “I’m not crazy; my mother had me tested.”

      4. I just learned what a pangolin is thanks to my son’s National Geographic Kids. Those little critters are adorable!

        *narrows eyes*

      5. Some of us knew what they were because we’ve had their song stuck in our head for the last thirty years.

    2. Well, then we would say to you… that, uhhh, oh hell, I have no freakin idea what I’m doing, but it was my turn to be secretary of state.

      /honest Lurch

  7. The art work is poor, even for Bok – tho’ I must give credit, at least he got Kerry’s head right.

    Since sage hasn’t popped in, I will cover for him…

    *ahem*

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    1. God Bless You

      1. I wonder, has anyone laughed, I mean really laughed at Bok offering before?

        1. At the offering, or at the ‘joke’?

          1. Well, either I guess – I was reluctant to call Bok’s ….thing, “art”.

        2. A lot of ‘laughing at’, not so much ‘laughing with’.

    2. I will add my more succinct –

      ha.

  8. Why is Kerry holding a red suitcase while exposing himself to someone forced to wear a Judenstern on his lapel while they all stand in the middle of a forest fire? Did Kerry time travel to the 1940’s just to do that?

    I don’t understand.

    1. It’s actually a British Government Red Box regarding the North Sea extraction plans.

  9. If you have Kerry in the image, and the message is that he’s showing up to help, why on earth would you use anything other than “John Kerry, reporting for duty!”?

  10. Nice! The Israelis make Jews wear stars on their clothes too?

    And why is that penis talking and carrying gas?

  11. As Friday Funnies go…

    NEEDS MOAR LABULZ

  12. Idea for alt-text
    “I didn’t start the fire”

  13. churches and political groups should never be taxed no matter what they say or preach, religion or politics since to do so would be the same as a poll tax. Once you tax something it is no longer a freedom. That being said this would only apply to donations to the church and the building they use for their church services. Any other buildings they own such as apartments etc and any income gained from outside services such as renting the hall to an outside group or wedding all those and any income generated from anything but donations should be taxed just like everyone else.
    Thats my two cents anyway.

    1. I ended up out of thread but T.A.L.L. said it better anyway.

  14. I don’t get it.

  15. I’ll NEVER have BOK paint the flames on my chopper.

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