A.M. Links: Egypt Proposes Gaza Ceasefire, Honduran President Blames Migrant Surge on Drug War, Church of England Allows Female Bishops


  • white male, nttawwt

    Egypt proposed a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas in Gaza to be followed by political negotiations. Representatives of Hamas have rejected the proposal while the Israeli cabinet met today to discuss it. Israeli security officials say a rocket fired at a resort town in southern Israel today came from Islamist militants in the Egyptian Sinai. John Kerry is considering visiting the Middle East to help in talks.

  • Forty Hondurans, mostly mothers and their children, were returned on a U.S.-chartered flight and met by officials in San Pedro Sula. Honduran President Juan Hernandez blamed the surge in migrants on violence fueled by U.S. drug policy.
  • The social network sharing app Secret, which allows you to share updates anonymously with friends, friends of friends and the public has raised $25 million in venture capital.
  • A heavy metal band made up of three pre-teens from Brooklyn signed a $1.8 million record deal with Sony. The agreement will have to be approved by a judge in Manhattan because the group is comprised of minors.
  • The Church of England announced it had voted to approve women taking the position of bishop.
  • Traffic police in Somalia say they will be arming themselves after being the targets of threats from Al-Shabaab.
  • Sixty-seven two pound African snails were seized at the Los Angeles International Airport. They had been shipped from Nigeria and were headed to a recipient in California.

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  1. Egypt proposed a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas in Gaza to be followed by political negotiations.

    Egypt being the model of stability.

    1. Technically we’ve been bribing Egypt to bolster the peace process since the end of the Yom Kippur war. It hasn’t worked, but Egypt hasn’t invaded Israel again.

      1. Egypt has declined to take back the Gaza Strip, too, even though it’s rightfully theirs, because it’s basically a big ghetto of 1.2 million.

        1. All of the Arab states surrounding Israel are responsible for the continued disenfranchisement of the Palestinians. What is the policy of these states towards a people that speak their language and share their culture? They shut them up in refugee camps and deny them access to labor markets all so that they can be used as a political football to showcase the Israelis lack of empathy.

          The fact that leftists foam at the mouth about the treatment of Palestinians should teach you that someone is being lied to about this, no one more readily swallows a lie than a lefty.

          1. Jordan similarly refuses to accept refugees or territory from the West Bank. Even though Jordan is the real Palestine.

          2. My father-in-law was Lebanese (Maronite) and he felt the bigger assholes were Arabs. Jordan and Lebanon tried to take in Palestinians but they began to stir up trouble there so those countries stopped. As for the rest of the derelict Arab states, having the Palestinians in this situation is perfect for their ‘throw Israel into the sea’ mind set. Palestine is just a pawn in a sick game.

            That’s why progs are idiots. They fail to read the game the Arabs are playing.

            1. ‘stopped taking them in.’

            2. The Arab states know that they need a perpetual victim class to keep tensions brewing. They have no interest in helping the Palestinians. In fact, the Palestinians weren’t even a real nationality until their existence was fabricated by the Arab governments to serve a political purpose. I’m all for liberty and such, but what other country on Earth would tolerate constant attacks? How would the US respond to a piss-ant carribean island sending missiles at them all the time? They would extinguish the existence of the groups doing it. Every country on Earth, with the exception of Isarael whose hands are tied, would obliterate these aggressors.

              The Gaza Strip and West Bank should either be annexed and brought under Israeli control, or should be depopulated OR be given to neighboring Arab states to govern. The “Palestinians” have proven time and time again that they have no ability to adequately govern their own society. Fuck em.

    2. Here’s an idea – stop shooting rockets at Israel and they’ll stop retaliating, dumbasses.

      1. So many of the rocket chuckers can’t remember a time before the first empanada so it’s all they know.

        1. Do you mean “Ipanema”?

        2. empanada? The pastry? LOL

          1. Great when you’re drunk and hungry.

            1. native south Texan, can confirm.

          2. Indeed. A girl I dated a while back had an anti-Mubarak rally in Pittsburgh. I made a sign that said “Empanada Yinz”. Delishus.

            1. translates to what… “Pastry, you all”?

          3. I think he mean fritada

            1. Nellie Fritada has a great voice.

            2. I assumed he meant infantoddler, that awkward age between infancy and childhood where you first learn empathy and reason. Like not to throw things – including temper tantrums – and not to hit other kids when you don’t get your own way and that it’s not okay to take things that don’t belong to you just because you want them.

            3. Fritada Kahlo? I like her paintings.

      2. Here’s an even better idea- let the world’s 17th largest economy take care of itself. That $4B/yr we send to Israel gets us nothing, and makes it easier for them to be unaccountable to their people and the region. I say cut them off, and wish them well. I’m pretty sure they would be successful- but at least they would have to stand on their own two feet.

        1. what that’s crazy talk!

          1. I know I know, sometimes I get so blinded by my sense of fiscal responsibility that I get ahead of myself and boom… anti-Semite.

            1. You know who else wanted to stop giving money to Jews?

              1. Antonio, a Merchant of Venice?

                1. anyone who has ever bought an engagement ring at a jewelry store, only later to have the wedding called off?

              2. People who defaulted on their loan?

        2. ANTISEMITE!

          1. damn me, I can’t get this awful hate out of me.. I can feel it in my bonez.

        3. Hell, cut off every fucking country we give aid to. It’s completely stupid in every case.

          1. +1

          2. Yeah.

            Give it to Canada! We need it to keep feeding you our talent.

            /look shiftily.

            1. So…we PAID for Bryan Adams?

              I guess the fall of the Shah WASN’T the biggest backfire from foreign aid.

    3. Hello.

      1. OT: I feel like this website missed an important nut-punch.

    4. I think I saw that Hamas celebrated the proposed ceasefire with a barrage of rockets into Israel.

      Goddam Israelis. Always provoking violence, turning down settlements, and generally trying to kill as many Palis as they can. You know that if the international community would let them, they’d drive the Palis into the sea.

  2. John Kerry is considering visiting the Middle East to help in talks.

    Help with insomnia maybe.

    1. They can’t shoot each other if they’re all asleep.

    2. ‘My wife’ jokes, an ascot and a locked jaw.

      The perfect tonic for talks.

  3. Vagina selfie for 3D printers lands Japanese artist in trouble

    Megumi Igarashi, aka Rokudenashiko, arrested for emailing digital template of her genitalia to supporters of her art

    1. Given it’s Japan, I think we all know precisely what that selfie was used for.

    2. Needs more blurred pixels

    3. Now on the front page of H and R!

  4. The Church of England announced it had voted to approve women taking the position of bishop.

    So much for the sanctity of the confessional. (You know how the ladies like to gab.)

    1. I know the missionary position. What’s the bishop position?

  5. Traffic police in Somalia-

    Stop right there.

    1. “We have to secure the right of way before we can built ROADZ!”

    2. So let’s say you’re a traffic cop in Somalia, you had just a minute to breathe and they granted you one final wish, would you ask for something like another chance?

  6. Speed Dating Event Has Singles Cover Heads With Paper Bags to Find Out If Love is Blind

    What’s in the bag? Personality .

    London-based dating service Loveflutter recently put a twist on a speed-dating event where 30 men and 30 women “met” face to face. The singles put on personalized paper bags before they sat down to get to know each other. Loveflutter’s app won’t let you see profile pics until a nonvisual match is made.

    1. Doesn’t hide the torso though. Not a good solution.

    2. Hang on to the bag in case she has butterface.

    3. This is stupid. I bet there are people who will eat it up. At least Tinder is honest.

      1. The best are the women (girls?) who say “Btw my age says 22 but I’m actually 19 :)”. Right.

        1. IRL, I have no problem getting chicks in their early 20s. On tinder, its few and far between. I’m seriously thinking about lying about my age on there and claiming to be 26/27.

      2. I wonder if it’s better than the Naked Dating show.

    4. Marge Simpson: Is this how you met your husband?

      Speed-dating coordinator: No, I met him through friends like normal people do.

    5. Will the Unknown Comic attend?

  7. Police: Dollar General underwear thief flees in ice cream truck

    An ice cream truck was the getaway vehicle for a Rock Hill woman accused of stealing two pairs of underwear from the Dollar General store on Cherry Road.

    Police say the 34-year-old shoplifting suspect put the undergarments in her purse Thursday afternoon and then walked out of the store without paying, according to a Rock Hill police report.

    She then fled in a white ice cream truck.

    1. She then fled in a white ice cream truck.


      1. Does it sell anything other than vanilla?

    2. She learned her craft from watching Let’s Play’s of Grand Theft Auto.

  8. The social network sharing app Secret, which allows you to share updates anonymously with friends, friends of friends and the public…

    I’m suing because of the false advertising in the name.

    1. The app is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

  9. Police unions and SPL quoted in one Place? Barf.


  10. After $40 Billion, America’s Biggest Nuclear Dump Is Still Leaking

    It’s cost $40 billion so far to clean up America’s biggest nuclear waste site?half the size of Rhode Island?and it’s going to take another 40 years and $100 billion to finish the job.

    In the meantime, workers from the Hanford nuclear site in Washington State are still getting sick from exposure to any one of 1,400 chemicals identified there, while allegations of mismanagement, negligence and secrecy over what may be life-threatening risks persist.

    And delays keep piling up even though at least a third of the aging tanks storing 56 million gallons radioactive waste have leaked or are leaking, pouring some of the world’s most dangerous contaminants into the Columbia River.

    1. Thank you Harry Reid

  11. Police in most of the world’s countries are more like paramilitaries, and traffic police in Somalia, of all places, aren’t even armed?

    1. They can’t hope to carry more firepower than the technicals which drive the nonexistant ROADZ.

  12. Can’t Get a Job From an Algorithm, or So It Seems as Hot Resumes Go Nowhere Fast

    “Everybody is looking for the striped unicorn with blue eyes,” said Joel Sarfati, executive director of 40Plus of Greater Washington, host of the meeting. “It drives us crazy.”

    Expanding use of technology that uses ultra-specific criteria to screen and winnow candidates may be perpetuating one of the most unusual features of the slow rebound in the U.S. labor market: Despite a steady increase in openings since the recession ended in 2009, these positions are being matched with job seekers less efficiently than in the past. For each 100,000 new openings, for example, companies have hired about 48,000 people, compared with about 54,000 following the 2001 recession.

    1. Remove the computer screeners and HR. Let the people who’d be supervising the candidate check the resumes and do the screening. It’s worked for ages.

      1. Remove the computer screeners and HR. Let the people who’d be supervising the candidate check the resumes and do the screening.

        That’s crazy talk. Who knows more about what they need; someone who has been doing it for years or some flunky who isn’t sure what most of the requirements even mean?

      2. I’d imagine the HR people zealously protect the gatekeeper sphere of their job.

        1. Yes they do.

      3. But, that was a time before technology. Back when people were so much less sophisticated and smarterer.

      4. This.

        “Here’s a simple situation. Take a few minutes to develop an algorithm and code it. Would you like another Dew?”

      5. All I get from this is your complete hatred of women.

      6. Agreed. I spent 15 minutes completing an online app to get an email back in 3 minutes to say “we’re moving on in the search, because of your lack of qualifications.”

        1. Back in 1997, I was rejected for a job due to lack of 5 years experience programming in JAVA.

          As I was not a Sun employee in 1992, this was technically correct.

          1. “Shit yes I have 30 years of web experience.”

    2. So do what they do in India. Lie on your resume.

      Put in a bunch of skillset buzzwords, then when asked about your use of that skillset in an interview say you didn’t use it much and it was 5 years ago but it shouldn’t take you long to come back up to speed and then shift to how you have used similar skills to accomplish goals

      1. Speaking as someone who’s had a buzzword bingo resume or two cross my desk, I react quite negatively to the practice and the assumption that I’m too stupid to know better makes it an uphill battle to convince me you’re not full of shit. I much prefer candidates who are candid about what they do and do not know up front. (We don’t have a computer filter, so I see all types.)

        1. You weren’t made for HR. I’m tempted to have buzzword bingo for HR and bring a real resume and have real talk once I get to the interview.

          1. You weren’t made for HR

            I work in IT, so it’s okay.

        2. “I’m better, smarter and prettier than you. And quite frankly, you smell.”


      2. Put in a bunch of skillset buzzwords

        We had someone do that. But they changed the font color to “white” so it didn’t show up on the printed resume, but evidently the computer could still see them. Got them past the HR folks, but not the interviewers.

        1. That deception is a skillset that stands on its own merits.

        2. Do you think that’s a viable approach? At my point in my career I feel abused by the algorithm. Especially if I want to branch out into another field.

          1. abused by the algorithm

            Great band name. For a sucky band, however

            1. They’ll never show up high on the google search.

          2. Do you think that’s a viable approach?

            Sure, IF you can back it up with knowledge and you use it as a way to get pass the gatekeepers at HR. HR folks look for keywords, so he put them at the end of his resume in white font. Computer scored him high. Unfortunately he couldn’t answer simple skill questions about the position. We couldn’t figure out how someone got as highly ranked as he did until someone realized the word count on his resume was WAY higher that what we could see.

        3. That’s brilliant, I’ll have to keep that in mind for the future

        4. That’s actually kind of brilliant, if you can manage to back up what the actual resume says.

      3. Also, if you are Indian, lie about your certifications. They all are “certified”, but seem to not even know how to do anything when they show up.

    3. since the recession ended in 2009

      citation needed bloomberg.

    4. Thank God the only jobs I’ve applied for in the last decade have all been the kinds of jobs where resumes get handled by, err, hand.

    5. It’s probably cheaper to not hire anyone than to get sued for possibly being discriminatory.

  13. Octomom Pleads No Contest to Welfare Fraud, Gets Community Service


    1. Wouldn’t you be more surprised if this didn’t happen?

  14. Dog wants to shoot dog, but shoots boy instead

    Sheriff Wooten said a deputy, who was not named, was on approaching the property when a dog ran up to him. The deputy’s gun fired one shot, missing the dog and hitting the child. It was not immediately clear if the gun was actively fired by the deputy.
    Damn guns for firing all by themselves!

    1. Cop wants to shoot dog*

      1. Pig wants to shoot dog.

        (It’s too bad your original headline wasn’t true.)

        1. Someone should do a parody using the Geico Pig dressed up as a cop…as he shoots puppies he squeals ‘weeeee’.

          1. Awesome.

    2. The deputy’s gun fired one shot,

      WTF? The Deputy is responsible for the discharge. Period. You, Christian McKinney, are enabling more of these kinds of incidences in the future. Thanks a lot.

      1. Guns don’t kill people. Passive voice kills people.

    3. It gets better

      [Coffee County Sheriff Doyle] Wooten says Vickers reacted quickly in a dangerous situation.

      “I don’t want to second guess anyone in a situation like that, I would not want to be second guessed and no one else should second guess him,’ said Wooten.

      So they’re big on accountability at the Coffee County Sheriff Department.

      1. Vickers reacted quickly in a dangerous situation.

        Well, obviously he reacted quickly. Too bad he didn’t react well.

  15. Meet Vantablack: The World’s Darkest Material

    Look at that. It’s like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.

    I’m sorry for that, but there are some jokes that demand to be made. That was one of them.

    In all seriousness, this is Vantablack, a material made by the British company Surrey NanoSystems that sets a world record by absorbing all but 0.035% of visual light. It’s made of carbon nanohair that is 1,000 times thinner than the average human hair. The tubes are small enough to prevent light from entering them and packed so tightly that the light which makes it between the tubes bounces between them until it’s absorbed.

    Also Rascist!

    1. I’m convinced nanotubes are the next asbestos, but probably worse.

      1. Good God, we hope you are right!

        /American contingency fee tort lawyers

    2. Finally there is a material which can produce THE MOST METAL ALBUM COVER OF ALL TIME!

      1. Needs more glove smelling

        1. Shark Sandwich?
          Shit Sandwich.

      2. Dare we dream of the most metal t-shirt of all time too?

          1. That made me think of this

            1. That is so not metal.

          2. I would have guessed a chain mail armor T-shirt.

    3. It’s so expensive that Jensen can’t even give the price.

      *** waves Klondike Bar ***

  16. Smelling farts can be good for you.
    Next time you dutch oven your wife, tell her you’re doing it for her health.

    1. So does this mean Obama and Valerie Jarret will be with us for a long time?

    2. San Franciscans rejoice.

  17. Scalia’s major screw-up: How SCOTUS just gave liberals a huge gift

    With this in mind, I’m celebrating him for yet another socio-political gift to progressives and suggesting that he doesn’t need to wear a thong ? a modest bathing costume of 1910 vintage will do ? in the poster religious pacifists like myself will want now that he and his brethren have ruled for Hobby Lobby et al., to the effect that private persons/corporations do not have to fund activities that violate their faith ? such as the use of an IUD by an employee who may not even share that faith.

    The upshot of the ruling is that Hobby Lobby and other businesses with conservative religious owners do not need to pay for what the Affordable Care Act mandates as full coverage for family planning. The public interest in affordable and accessible healthcare is not compelling enough to override the private belief that contraceptive methods including (but apparently not limited to) the IUD and the morning-after pill are murder. Well, I’m a pacifist, and I say that warfare is murder, and I don’t want to pay for it; and in recent decades the public interest in my paying for it hardly looks compelling.

    1. Well, I’m a pacifist, and I say that warfare is murder, and I don’t want to pay for it; and in recent decades the public interest in my paying for it hardly looks compelling.

      Yeah, right. A progressive is by definition not a pacifist.

      1. Not to mention this person clearly didn’t read the ruling, which explicitly mentions this very thing. And was written by Alito, not Scalia. But, y’know, aside from those minor details, I’m sure the rest of the article is dead on.. 😉

    2. Wait until the libertarians try using this sophistry against TEAM BLUE sacred cows.

    3. Scalia’s screw-up? I feel like Scalia is becoming a leftist character, simply because they are too dense to remember other USSC justices.

    4. If we’re being perfectly honest, I don’t really think it’s fair that the government makes my boss pay for my army of killdrones, it’s really more of a personal undertaking. But that doesn’t mean I won’t take advantage…

      1. I don’t even have an army of killdrones so the benefit is wasted on me. I asked to just be compensated in cash instead, but the law is the law, so I’m being compensated with killdrones I don’t even have a use for.

    5. Fungability of money does not exist in progderptopia.

    6. Well, I’m a pacifist, and I say that warfare is murder, and I don’t want to pay for it; and in recent decades the public interest in my paying for it hardly looks compelling.

      She almost gets it. Almost.

      No middle ground is possible on this subject. Either “taxation without consent is robbery,” or it is not. If it is not, then any number of men, who choose, may at any time associate; call themselves a government; assume absolute authority over all weaker than themselves; plunder them at will; and kill them if they resist. If, on the other hand, taxation without consent is robbery, it necessarily follows that every man who has not consented to be taxed, has the same natural right to defend his property against a taxgatherer, that he has to defend it against a highwayman.

  18. Chicago Faces $67 Million Shortfall After Obamacare’s Medicaid Expansion Busts Budget

    Chicago’s public health system is facing a massive $67 million shortfall after an early adoption of Obamacare’s Medicaid expansion cost much more than expected, Crain’s Chicago Business reports.

    Cook County, which encompasses Chicago and its surrounding suburbs, made a deal with the Obama administration to get an early start on the health care law’s Medicaid expansion in 2012.

    But the resulting program, CountyCare, is costing millions more than original projections. The prototype Medicaid expansion lost Cook County $21 million in the first six months of operation ? that’s expected to balloon to $63.5 million by November 30, according to the Chicago Tribune.

    1. They’ve run out of other people’s money?

    2. Counties can make their own deal and bypass states? Someone tell Fulton County in Atlanta.

      Oh, its Daily Caller – a ratfucker site.

        1. Try responding without a logical fallacy.



      1. When you’ve got a federal government arbitrarily handing out waivers, why can’t you go around the state government?

      2. Hey Weigel. ‘Ratf-cker’ gave you away.

        1. That, and the fact that he’ll sometimes post the same exact stupid shit on his Twitter feed at the same time he does here, like when Philip Seymour Hoffman died.

      3. Uh, yeah. Counties run public hospital systems, which are compensated by the feds for Medicaid/Medicare for indigent patients, not the state. Here’s Fulton County, GA’s: http://thefdha.com/

        Also, here’s another link to the original story: http://www.chicagobusiness.com…..vings-stat

    3. States that chose not to do this got called out for being EVIL and turning down free money. Remember that the Feds were going to pay for all of it. FREE MONEY!!!

      1. Murtaugh: “It’s not free, it’s taxpayer dollars”

        Leo Getz: “Same difference”

    4. Last week, about half of Downtown Los Angeles was brimming with Illinois Teacher Union shirts. This is why you’re broke Chicago. You pay for a completely pointless vacation for your public overlords.

      Also, some of the dumbest conversations I heard were walking past these people. And I walk past many a raving psychotic homeless person on a daily basis.

  19. CNBC’s Rick Santelli Had His Biggest On-Air Blowup In A Long Time, And It Ended With Him Walking Off Air

    Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com…..z37Xfyj6gh

    Posted for the AM crowd. I love it when some asshole gets his ass handed to him.

    1. That’s why you keep coming back here, isn’t it?

      1. He keeps coming back because the eatin’ so good.

        1. Speaking of eating, when non-sentient imbeciles spew this nonsense, here are some refutations to counter with.

          We all know that participation cratered and hasn’t recovered.

          GDP is claimed to be anemic. However, since the measure of GDP includes government spending it is necessary to strip out the portion that the government is borrowing in order to get at a more organic number.

          While Santelli may not be 100% correct, he is more right than wrong at least in direction if not in magnitude. Where he and others likely erred is not accounting for the US being the largest market – and thus the place where everyone wants to do business – and the status of the dollar as the reserve currency.

          With a poor employment outlook, and rising costs for food, energy, and healthcare, it is unlikely the US will remain the largest market where everyone wants to do business much longer. And with the steady devaluation of the dollar through QE, the reserve status won’t last much longer either.

          The difficulty is predicting the tipping point.

      2. Santelli has been thoroughly trashed now. Into the shitcan.


        It is the symbolic end of the Tea Party. He started it and now he heralds the end of it.

        1. BUSHPIGS!!11!!!CHRISTFAGS!!11!!!

        2. You want to know a secret?

          Almost nobody watches cable news in this country. It’s something like 5% of the population on a busy day.

        3. So, Team Blue holds the Senate and takes back the House this November? Obama’s approval ratings start going up shortly?

          After all, if everything is going so well, surely a few racist teapartiers can’t cause too many headaches for Team Blue.

    2. god damnit.

      I actually clicked on that link before I noticed that it was put here by a worthless fucking troll.

  20. Man charged after jumping into aquarium tank with shark

    Stephen Pellegrine, 51, of Quincy, was arraigned in Boston Municipal Court on Friday on charges of trespassing and disorderly conduct after jumping into the tank Thursday evening, according to Jake Wark, a spokesman for the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office.

    “Fortunately the sharks had already been fed,” Wark said in an email Sunday.

    According to the New England Aquarium’s website, the four-story tank is 26 feet deep, 40 feet wide and it holds 200,000 gallons of salt water. It includes a coral reef and hundreds of Caribbean animals, including sea turtles, stingrays, eels and fish.


    2. You can dive with the whale sharks at the Atlanta Aquarium. I haven’t gotten around to it yet, but am planning on it.

    3. Did he punch the shark?

  21. Obama administration says the world’s servers are ours

    In essence, President Barack Obama’s administration claims that any company with operations in the United States must comply with valid warrants for data, even if the content is stored overseas. It’s a position Microsoft and companies like Apple say is wrong, arguing that the enforcement of US law stops at the border.

    A magistrate judge has already sided with the government’s position, ruling in April that “the basic principle that an entity lawfully obligated to produce information must do so regardless of the location of that information.” Microsoft appealed to a federal judge, and the case is set to be heard on July 31.

    1. Let’s drive them completely offshore, that’s the ticket.

    2. all your base are belong to us.

        1. For great justice.

        2. LINK for the old.

    3. So does that mean if the FBI has a warrant to search all my homes, that I have to let them search my home in another country, even if that other country will not enforce the warrant?

    4. arguing that the enforcement of US law stops at the border.

      Based on US drone policy, I’d say that overseas enforcement of the US Government’s Will doesn’t seem to involve any law.

      1. Borders? We don’ see no steenking borders!

      2. Seems consistent with the immigration policy, too.

    5. IIRC, an Iron Law applies here ….

    6. They should just make the mechanism to do so require physical access, and then tell the FBI to head to the other country and attempt to enforce the subpoena. Then call the local foreign cops and have the FBI arrested for trespassing.

      1. Drop your overseas servers into an overseas corporation.

        The subpoena can go to Microsoft, and it can say “Microsoft does not possess that data and cannot respond to the subpoena. Our subsidiary FYTM (you figure it out) does. You can’t enforce a subpoena on a foreign corporation, so FYTM.”

    7. It’s a position Microsoft and companies like Apple

      This wording is tortured. Is is companies like Microsoft and Apple, or does Microsoft oppose it but not Apple, but companies similar to Apple?

    8. All your children belong to us.

      See a pattern here?

  22. Microsoft Said to Announce Job Cuts as Soon as This Week

    The reductions — which may be unveiled as soon as this week — will probably be in areas such as Nokia and divisions of Microsoft that overlap with that business, as well as marketing and engineering, said the people, who asked not to be identified because the plans aren’t public. The restructuring may end up being the biggest in Microsoft history, topping the 5,800 jobs cut in 2009, two of the people said. Some details are still being worked out, two of the people said.

    The announcement would come one week after Chief Executive Officer Satya Nadella issued his first company mission statement, calling for greater emphasis on mobile devices, cloud-computing and productivity software. In the July 10 memo, which also called for Microsoft to become more focused and efficient, Nadella, who took over from Steve Ballmer in February, said he would provide more specifics on implementation later this month.

    1. Are they going to axe the fools responsible for Win8?

      1. MS would be fine if they just skipped every other version of Windows:

        Windows 3.11: Best ever
        Windows 95: Revolutionary, but terrible, insecure and buggy
        Windows 98SE: Awesome
        Windows ME: Possibly the worst operating system ever conceived
        Windows XP: Excellent
        Windows Vista: Whoever thought this one up should be stoned to death
        Windows 7: Great
        Windows 8: Horrific

        At least we know the next version will be good.

        1. Windows 3.11: Best ever

          Because you could easily exit to DOS and not be bothered with it.

          1. Yes, I was just about to type that the most powerful interface was MSDOS, a CP/M ripoff.

            1. I always thought it was a unix kernel ripoff.

              1. Dare you deny the sheer awesomeness of CP/M?

              2. No, Linux is a unix kernel ripoff.

                1. That’s what I was thinking. Of course, all pales before the mighty VAX/VMS system.

        2. I considering Windows ME to be Microsoft’s sick idea of a joke.

        3. I once had a work computer with Windows NT installed. I had to reboot at least once a day… blue screen of death.

        4. Here, have a trip down memory lane.

          1. I liked XP well enough when it first came out, and Windows 7 is my favorite GUI, period. I use it at work and at home, and it’s been rock-stable for both. Naturally, MS had to screw that up.

        5. A slight revision:

          Windows 3.11: Cool on a 286 machine, useless otherwise
          Windows 95: Revolutionary, but terrible, insecure and buggy
          Windows 98SE: Buggy as fuck but slightly better than Win95
          Windows ME: Possibly the worst operating system ever conceived
          Windows NT: That fucker just worked
          Windows 2000: The most stable windows ever, but slow with limited networking
          Windows XP: Shit until SP2, after that, the best Windows ever
          Windows Vista: Whoever thought this one up should be stoned to death
          Windows 7: Great, but sometimes slow, menus sometimes suck ass
          Windows 8: A faster, streamlined version of Windows 7 with a GUI that makes you want to kill yourself and Microsoft executives

    2. Nokia and Blackberry – relics of the past.

      1. Blackberry stock chart:


        Nothing says “finito” like your stock price doubling in 8 months.

        1. I think that’s what they call a “dead cat bounce.”

      2. Nokia sold their mobile division to Microsoft, but they’re still a network infrastructure powerhouse. You really should do some rudimentary research before reaffirming your idiocy to all of us.

  23. It was not immediately clear if the gun was actively fired by the deputy.

    What difference… well, you know.

  24. It was not immediately clear if the gun was actively fired by the deputy.

    What difference… well, you know.

    1. yeah why is no one even asking the question: what crime was committed? I believe the old man, but EVEN IF it was a depiction of Obama eating bananas and fried chicken, while distasteful, so fucking what? It’s not against the law for people to be racist, or assholes, or just lovers of satire.

      DOJ literally has no jurisdiction in this unless the float driver got a DUI while on a federal installation or something.

      1. Whoa. There’s no need to raise the spectre of “crime” here. It’s merely a “dispute”, handled by DOJ’s Community Relations Service team.

        1. better change the name to the Department of Social Justice (DOSJ). They will be active, and privileges WILL BE CHECKED

    2. But this was clever satire a few years ago…

      1. No zombie mannequin.

      2. That is actually pretty funny for a comic.

      3. Couldn’t put the crescent moon on Obama’s outhouse for fear of it being seen as teh racist islamophobia.

  25. John Kerry is considering visiting the Middle East to help in talks.

    And the Israelis are going ‘oh thank JHWH! The great uniter is coming!’.

    1. People voted for that complete nothingness. Just like they voted for the nothingness in the White House now. If I were one of such people, I’d be reconsidering how I cast my vote.

  26. Dead cop-killer hailed a hero with memorial BIGGER than shrine for officer he shot: Disgusting ‘thug life’ tributes to murderer as his widow says she

    wishes more cops died in her husband’s ambush
    Officer Melvin Santiago, 23, was shot in the head by gunman Lawrence Campbell before he too was gunned down
    Campbell’s widow says her husband should have killed more cops
    A memorial to Campbell’s ‘Thug Life’ has sprung up and dwarfs the shrine for Officer Santiago
    Campbell’s widow later apologized for this statement – claiming she was angry
    Santiago was a lifelong Jersey City resident and had only joined the police force last year – it was his dream job, family said
    Tuesday would have marked his one-year anniversary with the department

    When a cop killer is more respected than a cop…

    1. Perhaps there’s a lesson in there somewhere.

    2. What sucks the most about that case is the cop he shot was a wet-behind-the-ears rookie who couldn’t possibly have had enough opportunity to be a power hungry shitbag. He didn’t deserve it at all.

  27. Fourteen YEAR drought leaves Lake Mead at all-time low: The abandoned marinas and tourist attractions left bone dry
    Drought will deplete the vast Lake Mead this week to levels not seen since Hoover Dam was completed and the reservoir on the Colorado River was filled in the 1930s
    The low water levels is the result of a 14-year drought in the Southwest
    Experts say the water levels will be enough to supply water to places like Las Vegas, Phoenix and Los Angeles for at least one more year

    Global warming!

    1. Deserts are dry, who knew?

    2. Vegas is paying people to get rid of their lawns.


      1. A city in the middle of the desert having water problems? THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED!

    3. The City of Austin last year encouraged residents to use less water, and when they did, their revenues dropped so much they had to raise rates and fees to pay their bonds. Brilliant plan.

  28. Planet of the ACE! Kerri Russell cuts a perfectly-stylish figure as she arrives at ITV studios for Lorraine interview


    1. I will give you that one. Russell is a doll.

    2. She’s younger than I thought. I had her confused with Theresa Russell.

  29. Has YOUR man ever faked his orgasm? Over 30% of males admit that blissful moment of climax is sometimes just a performance


    Mark, Wales, United Kingdom, 11 minutes ago
    Never faked one, but sometimes when drunk after about an hour or so, I just give up and let her get some sleep..

    You can fake an orgasm, but you can’t fake a load.

    1. I have.

      With my ex wife, towards the end of the marriage there were several instances where I faked an orgasm just to get things over with.

      1. I did once, back when I was like nineteen or twenty. Never saw her again. Never did it again.

    2. sarcasmic, I can’t believe a Man Of The World such as yourself is unable to fake a load.

  30. Inside the cruise ship that became a sunken tomb: Dramatic photos of Costa Concordia show rusting bars, jammed lifts (and even an undamaged piano) as

    painstaking operation to refloat boat begins
    Haunting images show the abandoned rooms that have lain undisturbed for more than two years
    The giant liner smashed into rocks off the picturesque holiday island of Giglio in January 2012 killing 32 people
    Four decks of the ship will emerge from beneath the waves for the first time since the ship ran aground
    Official says search will be conducted for the only unrecovered body – an Indian waiter who was never found


    1. Somehow I doubt that piano is truly undamaged.

      1. So it’s a bit waterlogged. We’ll give you a 10% discount.

  31. U.S drug policy is to blame for surge of migrants from Central America, claims Honduran President
    President Hernandez blames U.S., Mexico and Colombia for fighting drug operations that pushed the traffickers into Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador
    He says more resources are needed in Central America to fight drug gangs
    Hernandez says Central America deserves more aid, like Colombia and Mexico were given by the U.S.

    “Give us more money!”

    1. Seriously, if the drug violence is so bad in Honduras legalize growing pot. Boost your economy, get rid of violence. Escalating the fighting will only make it worse.

    2. If they are fleeing violence, they can get refugee status and are allowed to stay. Glad to see the government of that backwater, whom we already pay for a military base, is in on the scam.

    3. more resources are needed in Central America to fight drug gangs


    4. His only problem with that theory is that drug policy hasn’t changed, so why should we attribute a sudden, massive surge in illegal immigration to it?

  32. Scientists Are Beginning To Figure Out Why Conservatives Are?Conservative

    …such as the question of how conservatives can have a higher negativity bias, and yet not have neurotic personalities. (Actually, if anything, the research suggests that liberals may be the more neurotic bunch.) Indeed, conservatives tend to have a high degree of happiness and life satisfaction. But Hibbing and colleagues find no contradiction here. Instead, they paraphrase two other scholarly commentators, who note that “successfully monitoring and attending negative features of the environment, as conservatives tend to do, may be just the sort of tractable task?that is more likely to lead to a fulfilling and happy life than is a constant search for new experience after new experience.”

    All of this matters, of course, because we still operate in politics and in media as if minds can be changed by the best honed arguments, the most compelling facts. And yet if our political opponents are simply perceiving the world differently, that idea starts to crumble. Out of the rubble just might arise a better way of acting in politics that leads to less dysfunction and less gridlock?thanks to science.

    1. we can treat the non-believers!! Their illness must be tamed. We will create.. the new American Man, a more reformed version of our natural being! /prog

      1. For some reason, I heard that in the voice of Davros.

      2. we can treat the non-believers!! Their illness must be tamed.

        Didn;t Michelle Bachmann’s husband hold similar views?

        1. +1 pray-the-gay-away

        2. It’s the, uh, instrument he wanted to tame them with that caused all the trouble.

          1. and by “instrument”, you mean cock, don’t you?

            1. No need to be crude.

            2. and by “cock” you mean chicken

              1. and by “chicken”, you mean vindaloo

                1. In fairness, I’d be deathly afraid of sodomizing someone who just ate spicy vindaloo as well for fear of my man bits catching fire.

    2. First step when you want to commit genocide is to dehumanize the group you wish to kill.

    3. Progressives are much more conservative (in the non-political meaning of the word) than political conservatives.

    4. So if political views are genetic, does that mean partisanship is racism? And if so, does that mean that based on their dominance in schools, media, the public sector, and so on, that the blue race is privileged and constantly micro- and macro-aggresses against the red, orange, and other races?

      And would I like to see a website dedicated to playing liberal victim class politics to the hilt for non-prog political orientations, speaking up for the LCPIQR movement and taking the fight to the cispolitical? Yes, other Barry, yes I would.

    5. Here we go again. Something like this gets throw against the wall at least once a year.

    6. “One possibility,” they write, “is that a strong negativity bias was extremely useful in the Pleistocene,” when it would have been super helpful in preventing you from getting killed. (The Pleistocene epoch lasted from roughly 2.5 million years ago until 12 thousand years ago.) ”

      Yes, being worried about things that want to kill you stopped being a useful trait around 12,000 years ago, around the time that the last murderers, predators, and diseases were being mopped up.


      1. You know, I could make up better stuff than this with no training in any related discipline.

        1. Hell, I could do better with no training and massive load of LSD in my system.

  33. Group At Center Of IRS Scandal Has Never Been Interviewed By FBI Investigators

    Holder told ABC News this weekend that a special investigation was unnecessary because “career people” and FBI agents were “doing a good, professional job” investigating the matter.

    And any assertion to the contrary is racially motivated.

    1. They’re doing a “good, professional job” covering it up is what he means.

      1. Too bad he didn’t say “Top. Men.” instead of “career people”.

        1. ‘Men’ and ‘Top’ are unwords in newspeak.

          1. If you can’t use “top” and “bottom”, your a heteronormative thoughtcriminal.

    2. At least someone is finally going to be fired. Of course, it will be for not “losing” more email, but at least they will be fired.

  34. http://detroit.cbslocal.com/20…..se-system/

    DEA now going after the NFL. Yeah, that is a good use of taxpayer money.

    1. Fuck Disqus. And fuck the DEA.

      1. More seriously, seeing the different treatment given to a player like Brett Favre, who was overusing a legal drug; and a player like Michael Irvin who was using blow and hookers, is one of the things that really made me a libertarian.

        1. Ted, it’s hookers and blow. That order is critically important when contemplating the, er, side effects of cocaine usage.

          1. At least he wasn’t using Mexicans, pot and ass sex

  35. It’s a position Microsoft and companies like Apple say is wrong, arguing that the enforcement of US law stops at the border.

    That’s so cute.

  36. Elizabeth Warren bashes Wall Street, and the Sun rises in the east.

    I found the opening line funny:

    Elizabeth Warren doesn’t roll deep.

    1. Our ‘John’ also hates Wall Street. He may be a squaw supporter in secret.

      1. Funny how Wall Street keeps gaining wealth and power under the regimes of haters like Clinton, Obama and Warren.

    2. But she does roll on Shabbas

    3. TL;DR… I can only take so much puff-piece sycophancy.

    1. Pedos attracted to jobs involving kids and trust, film at eleven.

      1. Next you’ll tell me people with a penchant for violence are attracted to jobs where they’re legally endowed with the monopoly on violence.

        That’s just crazy talk.

  37. This may have come up yesterday. AmCon article on the “ugly” primary being run against Amash:


    FTA: [Primary challenger Brian] Ellis has plowed at least $400,000 of his own money into a primary challenge against Amash, whom he has called “al Qaeda’s best friend in Congress

    1. Brian Ellis sounds like a despicable piece of shit.


    1. Deep Blue?

    2. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you’ll understand that.

    3. Why not play a game of solitaire?

    4. “I sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

  39. Octomom pleads no contest to welfare fraud, Gawker commenters split between mocking her and thinking she didn’t do anything wrong (because, like, Wall Street, man.)

      1. Yeah, yeah. I’m barely awake over here.

    1. The internet has jumped the shark:

      I have a friend who admitted through a very fucked up game of Fuck Marry Kill, that he has a thing for Ocotomom. He’s watched her self pleasure porn a lot. It’s his go to porn for a quick release. I made fun of him for a good while, till I saw the video. She’s hot, I’d do her but totally deny it if ever asked.

      1. It’s some weird feature of the internet that not matter how low, cheap, fat, filthy or disgusting someone is, there’s always a commenter that claims to want to fuck them. The entire internet seems like one big pig contest.

        1. People
          Who need people
          Are the luckiest people in the world

  40. What Power Consumption is Telling Us about the US Economy”

    Looks like at least someone is picking up on what I said here six years ago, when I worked for a major electricity generator. Back in ’08, power prices began to tank (leading indicator for the economic recession). As industrial users cut back shifts and produced less product, demand for electricity cratered, and pricing along with it.

    Some will say that “efficiency gains” are the major contributor, but the reality is that it is industrial, not residential, power use, that drives the energy markets. Summer peaks for air conditioning can mask the fact that the base load is not what it used to be. Until electricity usage picks up again, do not expect a real recovery.

    1. Good post. Are you on the right site?

    2. Deniers!!! We are in The Summer of Recovery V.

    3. Are you looking at load or prices? Because the supply side has been changing a fair bit too. More wind, less coal.

      1. Per the link, it’s load (MM kWhs).

  41. via PBS, I watched a docu-drama of the Sobib?r extermination camp, and how the Polish Jews and Russian POWs managed to do a mass breakout.


    In September 1943, the Sobib?r underground was unexpectedly reinforced by the arrival of Soviet-Jewish POWs from Minsk; some of these joined the underground to share their military experience. On October 14, 1943, members of the Sobib?r underground, led by Polish-Jewish prisoner Leon Feldhendler and Soviet-Jewish POW Alexander Pechersky, covertly killed eleven German SS officers and a number of camp guards. Although their plan was to kill all the SS and walk out of the main gate of the camp, the killings were discovered and the inmates ran for their lives under fire. About 300 out of the 600 prisoners in the camp escaped into the forests.

    Only 50 to 70 escapees survived the war. Some died on the mine fields surrounding the site, and some were recaptured in a dragnet and executed by the Germans in the next few days. Most of those who did survive did so by hiding. Within days of the uprising, the SS chief Heinrich Himmler ordered the camp closed, dismantled and planted with trees

  42. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/worl…..icRSS20-sa

    Ukraine conflict: Jet bombs rebel-held town of Snizhne

    Rockets struck the town of Snizhne in Donetsk region around 07:00 (04:00 GMT), hitting a block of flats and a tax office.

    The rebels blamed the attack on Ukraine’s air force – a claim denied by Ukrainian sources.

    Security forces have been pushing the rebels back to the city of Donetsk.

    Fighting has also raged in the neighbouring region of Luhansk, with rockets hitting a southern suburb of Luhansk city on Monday.

  43. Brooklyn Cemetery Has A Resident Clown

    South Slope News wrote that it received the pictures from a fellow who describes himself on Twitter as a “visual artist/curator.” He told South Slope that the clown is “definitely haunting” the cemetery, adding, “He was very timid and ran away whenever I got closer. I did find a Build a Bear bag nearby where I found him that had a womans umbrella and a bag of fritos [sic]… very strange.”

    1. +1 Pennywise?

  44. Ivory Coast blocks refugees amid Ebola fears


    Ivory Coast has blocked 400 refugees who fled to Liberia from returning home because of fears they could spread the Ebola virus, a UN official has said.

    1. Racists.

  45. Archie Andrews to be shot and killed tomorrow saving the life of his gay best friend, Kevin Keller.

    Keller is a married military veteran and newly elected senator who’s pushing for more gun control in Riverdale after his husband was involved in a shooting.

    Archie To Be Shot Saving Gay Friend

    1. That’s fake, alternative-universe Archie, I assume. Real Archie is undead.

    2. Spoilers: The killer is actually the NRA, its members’ essence distilled into a single human being of purest evil, sort of like the boss of Mass Effect 2, but even more fucked up.

  46. Well, it finally happened. One of my best friends and I got into a healthcare discussion last night. She started running out of arguments so she decided it’d be a good idea to say that my political views, because I was against providing free contraception, would lead to overpopulation and therefore drought, famine, and the eventual destruction of society.

    Then she doubled down and said that I was “privileged” and therefore I didn’t understand the way the world really works. So the term has apparently started manifesting itself in face to face conversation between close friends. No more is the term confined to the mere interwebs.

    I need new friends.

    1. Is she hot?

      1. She’s my best friend’s girlfriend – I’m really good friends with both of them. But yeah, she’s pretty attractive – but it’s irrelevant.

        1. PICS YOU IDIOT

          1. Read between the lines, JEP. Can’t you see Warty is holding his dick?

            And yes, you need new friends.

    2. That’s depressing…you still have us!

      1. I mean it’s depressing but *at least* you still have us.

    3. “Privileged” is the new “racist.” It’s sole intent is to render the opposing viewpoint obsolete and end the debate. It is the last refuge of those unable to defend ideas on their merits.

      1. You should exercise the privilege of never addressing her like an adult ever again.

      2. Apparently. I asked her exactly how much suffering would have been required for me to endure during my childhood for me to have valid political opinion.

        1. That’s a pretty good line. I’ll have to remember that. What did she say to it?

        2. I have a cunning plan. Start a camp where people who are from “privileged” groups can go to have the suffering imposed on them in concentrated form for a month. Once the client has obtained a Certificate of Non-Privilege, then he can return to society guilt-free, cleansed of the sins of his bad, bad people.

      3. Frankly, even though I repudiate the collectivism of identity politics, I’m not all that ashamed of the groups I’m associated with, even if they’re “privileged” and have done some bad things historically. The latter is true of every group of human, more or less.

        It stuns me how people condemn America’s role since its founding, despite the fact that it revolutionized the politics and economics of much of the West and has provided unprecedented wealth and luxury for the majority of people. What drove that–rule of law, limited government, and a more-free-than-not market-based economy (for a good while, anyway)–is something I’m proud, not ashamed, of.

    4. It’s all about forcing people to do stuff and bribing other people not to do stuff. No concept of free cooperation or any understanding of where all of this wealth came from.

      1. Yeah, she didn’t understand the difference between my parents willing helping me pay for college and me forcing my parents to give me money. She was trying to compare receiving help from my parents to government aid.

        1. Cooperation and compulsion–surprisingly different things, huh?

    5. , would lead to overpopulation and therefore drought, famine, and the eventual destruction of society.

      It’s a decision that affects that most narrow subset of the U.S. (employees of closely held companies with religious objections) Let’s be ridiculously generous for argument’s sake and say that half of the labor force is so affected. The labor force is 155 million, so we’ll give it 80 million affected. Of which half are women, so 40 million. On a planet of 7.1 billion people that is 0.05% of the total planet’s population. And that is going to somehow be so catastrophic and we will breed with such fury and force that that will cause drought, famine, and eventual destruction of society? That claim is so laughable that the person making it should be scoffed and the object of derision which will most likely fly well above her head.

      But simply arithmetical knowledge is clearly a sign of white male privilege.

      1. Should read 0.5%, or one half of one percent. Of course, even such a number still points the absurdity of such claims.

        This person is not worthy of expending any intellectual effort to discuss current events with. In a just world, she would die off without ever having further corrupted the human gene pool.

        1. Believe it or not, she voted for Gary Johnson. She lacks any understanding of economics, which is the biggest hurdle. Unfortunately, she gets most of her political news from reddit and comedy central comedians.

          But she’s the type of person libertarians need to try to appeal to. Unfortunately, I probably didn’t do a great job of it, but she wasn’t approaching the topic with an open mind. She got frustrated when the talking points stopped being coherent.

      2. It’s like a kind of retarded solipsism.

  47. I posted this last night, but no reaction. Let me try again:

    Happy Birthday, William Shatner! No, wait…

    “Preserving Tradition, a Ham Celebrates Its 112th Birthday

    “The Isle of Wight County Museum in Smithfield, Va., Is Throwing a Party for What It Calls the World’s Oldest Edible Cured Ham…

    “[Curator Tracey] Neikirk finally found a company to make a case that would keep the ham, and two others that are stored alongside it, free from bugs or mold. Trays of silica absorb moisture, and Ms. Neikirk says she cleans the case once a year to prevent a smoky residue from building….

    “”You could probably still eat the darn thing,” said Henrietta Gwaltney, granddaughter of P.D. Gwaltney Jr., the ham’s former owner. The late Mr. Gwaltney referred to the ham as his pet and used it for years as a marketing tool for his Gwaltney meat company, outfitting it with a collar and leash to show off to potential ham buyers.”


    1. I now know where to go in post-apocalyptic America.

  48. In WWII, when Reinhard Kunze was a soldier in the German army, the Soviets alleged he killed Stalin’s son, and he’s been a POW from then. Now the Russians have let him go after 69 years.

    “The Foreign Minister of Russia, Sergue? Lavrov, announced this morning that in an “act of good will”, the Moscow government was ready to “put aside their national pride” and show their “generosity and good will” by letting him go home.”


    1. Wow, really? You’d think they’d have let him out long before now.

    2. That’s rather fucked up.

      1. Of course, if he’d been convicted of murder in a fair trial, I can see giving him a life sentence…other than the fact he was 14 at the time.

        1. Did he kill Stalin’s son for the heck of it or for personal reasons, or did he do it because of the totalitarian dictatorship he was living under?

          In tangential news, I was watching some space documentary last night, and they showed a picture of Yuri Gagarin in orbit. That’s fine, of course, since he represents a major milestone in spaceflight and was just an astronaut, not a political figure, but it made me think whether we’d be having celebrations of J?rgen’s Night if the first man in space had been a Nazi.

          1. Harris’ Fatherland does a pretty good job with this. In a world where Nazi Germany crushed the Soviets, Stalin is remembered as a mass murdering psychopath and most of the old Soviet gulags are now museums a la concentration camps today. The Nazis’ crimes have largely been ignored or wiped away by state officials by the 1960s.

            1. I read that after seeing the HBO movie with Rutger Hauer. Interesting take.

    3. So in 2042 we can expect them to release the last MIA from Vietnam?

      1. Only if he killed a relative of Stalin.

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