Flag

Your Flag Bikini Is Tacky and the Feds Hate It (But It's Legal!)

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That red, white, and blue T-shirt you plan on wearing tomorrow, the stars and stripes napkins for your BBQ, even that tacky flag bikini—the government doesn't think those things are as awesome as you do. 

In fact, the government fashion police have an entire code to tell you that mostly every flag design you'll be wearing or using tomorrow is disrespectful. And you thought you were being so patriotic.

From the April 14, 2008, Congressional Report on the Flag Code:

The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.

The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, carrying, or delivering anything.

No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform.

The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever.

It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard.

 But don't worry, the code is more what you'd call guidelines. 

While wearing the colors may be in poor taste and offensive to many, it is important to remember that the Flag Code is intended as a guide to be followed on a purely voluntary basis to insure proper respect for the flag.

But the code hasn't always been voluntary. In 1932, flag protection laws appeared in the books of all 48 states. (Alaska and Hawaii were not admitted into the Union until 1959.)

The first flag protection laws were created in response to a nationwide campaign to squash the commercial use of the flag.

Then in 1968, Congress passed the first federal flag-protection in response to protesters burning and destroying the old star spangled banner at anti-Vietnam War demonstrations. 

It took the Supreme Court more than two decades later to declare that law and all state flag-protection laws unconstitutional for violating the First Amendment.

Wear your flag suit with pride, fellow patriot. It's your First Amendment right to do so. (But it's still tacky.)

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  1. No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform.

    I’ll be back right after I bitch-slap the US Olympic team.

    1. No shit! 35 years and 250 lbs ago I wore a flag print speedo for competitive swimming (sorry to post this just before lunch fellow west coast denizens)!

    2. No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform.
      I’ll be back right after I bitch-slap the US Olympic team.

      Military and many cop uniforms.

      1. No military uniform I’ve seen uses the U.S. flag pattern, unless of course you mean the little patches they’re required to wear on their shoulder/sleeve/etc.

  2. Great. Now you’ve gone and made my wife a libertarian heroine for having a flag summer clothing fetish. Thank goodness she doesn’t read reason.

    1. Pics or it didn’t happen.

        1. D’aaaawww. Appears to be a pretty good recovery from the baby weight, too.

          1. Yep. She joined the Cult of Xfit. I have to talk her down off about one crazy idea ledge a month (Sugar Detox Diet? Fuck no!), but she loves to exercise. Me… I’m not really a joiner so Xfit does nothing but annoy me.

            1. The cult makes chicks hot, I’ll give it that.

            2. Yeah, you bear such a burden.

              [mutters — kicks pebble]

        2. Cute kid, Brett!
          (and wife, obvs).

  3. The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever.

    But I’m selling flags!

    1. Where’s your flag reseller license?

  4. You’re a funny guy, Flag Code. I like you. That’s why I’m going to kill you last.

    I LIED

  5. the April 14, 2008, Congressional Report on the Flag Code

    Nothing left to cut!

  6. I don’t know, there’s nothing like seeing a flag bikini to get my patriotism going.

    1. You asshole. I was expecting an Upton picture, not squirrel testicles!

      1. Accept this as my apology.

        1. The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving…anything.

          Dear lord I am thinking that flag would make a tremendous receptacle for my face right now.

        2. That really makes a lad feel… patriotic.

          USA!! USA!! USA!!

      2. And I am also confused, do you usually refer to brunettes as squirrel testicles?

        1. Am I the only one who got Four Oh Three

          Fark won’t allow you to look at the URL called /im ages/cache/850 /N/NN/f ark_NNh-0Yk-w48 rA86 5BcPcM FKsy8.jpg?t=mN3BhJunqC Dqxz 0bizrCw A&f=140 4705600 … someone spill beer on yer keyboard again?

          followed by a lewd picture of a squirrel?

        2. And btw, you owed everyone an apology for linking to Fark anyway.

  7. Is that Burton C. Gray in the bikini?

  8. I am looking at the accompanying photo. Tacky is not a word that comes to mind.

    For those who would treat the flag as sacred, creepy is a word that does come to mind.

    1. ^This and this again.

  9. You don’t have to use an actual flag to make patriotic clothing, or even a straight copy of the flag design. Be creative and do something like patriotic bunting: stars and stripes in red, white, and blue, arranged differently.

    1. Like the ones bands use with 7 stripes and 12 stars or whatever?

      That way, they can drag it across the ground.

    2. And I agree with you , PapayaSF, but it would seem to fall afoul of the “suggestion” that: No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform.

      1. I think don’t think that forbids patriotic bunting etc. I mean, a white star on a blue background is “part of the flag,” but I don’t think that’s forbidden.

  10. It is important to remember that the Flag Code is intended as a guide to be followed on a purely voluntary basis to insure proper respect for the flag.

    Back in 2001, I was at the Formula One race in Indianapolis just a few weeks after 9/11. There were some German students sitting in the stands a few aisles from me who had brought German flags to cheer on Michael Schumacher. Because they wanted to show some comradery with America so soon after 9/11, they bought a pair of American flags and tied them to their flag poles just under their German flags. There were several “patriots” in the stands who went ape shit seeing an American flag displayed below the flag of another country. They insisted that the Germans remove the American flags entirely and it briefly looked like a fight was going to break out when the Germans explained they had zip-tied the flags on to the pole and had no way to remove them without a knife. Of course, knives had been confiscated at the gates, so there they were surrounded by some angry assholes with no way to appease them. Eventually one of the grandstand workers arrived with a knife and managed to cut the American flags down before the situation got worse.

    So, the Flag Code may just be a guideline, but you’d better be prepared to defend yourself in some situations if you break them.

    1. Ah, the jingoist. The only thing worse and more brain-dead than a partisan.

    2. USA! USA! USA! USA!

  11. “Tacky” – something the speaker doesn’t like but which she cannot quantify her objections to.

    1. Then on what basis can Gilmore criticize the clothes of the Independents hosts?

      1. On what basis can anyone criticize the aesthetic merits of anything?

        1. Why, on their own authority.

          Which, as we all know, is the best kind of authority.

    2. “I know it when I see it”.

    3. Tacky is actually fairly simple in this context: any time the flag is something other than a flag, it’s tacky.

      Any, sorry to sound like an old fart, but yes, it is tacky to wear a flag as a bandanna, or have your speedo be recognizable as a flag, or stamp it on everything you own or produce. “Made with pride in America”, or a shoulder patch on a military uniform are one thing, but spare me the Jesus-fish that are cut out of a flag, or the need for a decal on your front door, when you’ve already got old glory actually flying on a pole out front.

      Ok, get the tar and feathers, I’m ready…

  12. Sheesh, Brittany. Kudos on that excellent POTC reference, but I’ve seen better video quality looking through a kaleidoscope.

  13. Flag bikinis are tacky, fake boobs are tacky, animated .gifs are tacky. There’s a place for everything.

    1. Here’s a more recent picture of the same women:

      http://bit.ly/1kjGAh5

      (jpg image)

  14. The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever.

    You mean, like this?

    http://www.heroes.graz-web.com…..osters.htm

    Note, also, that Uncle Sam’s pants are suspiciously red and white striped.

  15. The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, carrying, or delivering anything.

    But when I was a child, the US mail boxes were red, white, & blue. But no stars, just barred across, so I guess that was the French flag. OK then.

  16. What exactly makes something “the flag” anyway? Is it blessed by the Pope or the President? If I use crayons and construction paper is that “the flag”? and who is to say it is not? Or is it required that “authentic” flags be manufactured in China or Bangladesh or Vietnam? Fuck the flag and the horse it rode in on and the retards who treat “it” like the shroud of Turin. And fuck “the pledge” too.

  17. In case no one has said it:

    She can climb my flag pole anytime.

  18. Sad that it was the French who perfected the liberty bikini

    http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/french/liberty.jpg

  19. Being generally disdainful towards symbols of the US federal government I thought I wouldn’t buy an American flag set of boxer shorts. Now I understand that it’s the right thing to do.

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