The Independents

Tonight on The Independents: Worst President Ever, Suing Colleges Over Speech Codes, Gary Johnson Becomes a Pot CEO, World UFO Day, and Ron Paul on U.S. Assistance to Israel and Palestine

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The Independents is on tonight at 9 p.m. ET on the Fox Business Network, with a re-airing at midnight. Matt Welch is still on vacation. But comedian Sherrod Small will be filling the middle chair.

This evening's show will begin with a discussion of a new poll asking people who they think America's worst recent president is. Panelists Jimmy Failla and Richard Fowler will join in, and stay on to talk about the public's views on privacy vs. safety, the possibility of alien life on World UFO Day, and the gender pay gap in President Barack Obama's very own White House.

Greg Lukianoff of the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE) will come on board to share the big news about FIRE's all-in legal battle against campus speech codes.

There will be a Topical Storm, with puppies, rabbits, Russia, the U.N., and Netflix series House of Cards all showing up in the mix.

Finally, the show will feature Ron Paul talking about American foreign aid to Israel, as well as a Kmele-Foster-centric Keepin' It Kmele segment on the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act.

It's on! Tonight! At 9 p.m. on the Fox Business Network. Tune in! 

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  1. Huh, where does Suderman get all this information from?

    1. I have my sources.

  2. GayJay must really NOT want to be President.

    1. If the past 14 years are indicative, who the hell would want to be president?

      1. Obama, Hillary Clinton… yeah, you get the idea.

      2. “who the hell would want to be president?”

        Only power hungry assholes, hence our current predicament.

    2. Or senator, which he could be if hedn’t signed up to be the Really Stupid Party’s quadrennial sacrifice for nothing. Much to our loss.

  3. Anyone else still having a problem with the commenting? It keeps blanking out the fact that I’m logged in. The login next to the logo disappears entirely.

    1. I think it has to do with the amount of traffic on a given article. If too many people are posting it just takes away the commenting option.

  4. the possibility of alien life on World UFO Day

    Of course there are aliens. Thousands of them come across our border every day and take jobs way from Americans.

    1. Thousands of them come across our border every day and take jobs away from hardworking, taxpaying Americans.

      FIFY, no thanks necessary.

      1. YOU TOOK HIS JERB!

        1. Increasing the supply of labor does suppress the wages of those in the labor market, and wages have been rather stagnant for a rather long time partially as a result of constantly importing in millions of laborers.

          1. And robots. Don’t forget robots. They put downward pressure on wages. And are fun!

  5. and Netflix series House of Cards all showing up in the mix.

    Does anyone actually watch this show? The only thing I’ve ever even heard of this show is a radio ad with Kevin Spacey spewing out bits of so-called wisdom on world of political power. Stuff like, “The road to power is paved with the corpses of other people who… didn’t survive the road to power…”

    This show strikes me as something that only a DC insider would watch… like Nancy Pelosi’s interns are the only people watching it.

    1. I tune in when the topics+guests seem like they might be interesting. Sometimes it is awful, sometimes it is great, sometimes it is so-so. You can, however, count on Matt Welch to continue trolling GILMORE, Kennedy to interrupt, well, everyone, and Kmele to make excellent points that nobody pays attention to.

      Give it a shot.

      1. I *think* he was referring to House of Cards.

        1. Lol, guess I’m just too used to the Do you actually TI questions here.

    2. If you mean House of Cards – count me in. It’s kind of an anti-West Wing, where the politicians and political operatives are slightly more evil than Satan. If you mean The Independents – I haven’t made it through a whole episode, but you might if you’re a fan of giant hoop earrings.

      1. If you mean The Independents – count me in. It’s kind of an anti-West Wing,[any coherent example of a talk show], where the politicians and political operatives guests are tend to be slightly more evil than Satan [, the hostess is shriller than those bird call devices in Lowes, the two male hosts have only spoke for roughly 5 cumulative minutes, and the somewhat regular ‘5 Minutes of Hate’ should be longer and more regular].

      2. I haven’t seen House of Cards, but HBO’s ‘Veep’ is definitely TV’s anti-‘West Wing’ since the characters are amoral careerist pigs that have the added refinement of being incompetent or constantly undermined by their own neuroses and hubris.

        1. That’s the raw feed from 1600 PA Ave.

    3. I do.

      Journalists are either a) whores or b) old and bitter (bitter because they are too old to be whores).

      Every politician is total scum and presented as such. Not a single one of them is portrayed as a hero.

      I watch it and get my friends to so that it can possibly take some of the rose color from their glasses the next time they look at a do-gooder politicians.

      1. This. I don’t know what Paul is so sniffy about. House of Cards is really good and could have been part-written by the commentariat here.

        1. I’m ‘sniffy’ about it because I was unimpressed by the soundbites I heard from the show. It seemed like what someone thought people in power say in a very one-dimensional way.

          The only other commentary I heard about it was… and I want to say it came from a Hit & Run post is that it has a bunch of evil people, but highly competent evil people. So the show was popular with the political class– possibly because they fancied themselves highly competent.

          I’ve said before, you want a show that’s more than likely extremely accurate, watch Veep. That’s a show about people flailing about in the halls of power, backstabbing, conniving and power-brokering, but everyone’s highly incompetent, which I suspect to be much more realistic. No one in Veep actually believes in what they’re doing, they’re just doing it because they can.

          1. Well I don’t know what to tell you other than that you should stop basing your judgements on soundbites and watch the show already.

            1. I might do that. If you put down the hostility elyxir, I was actually curious to see what people thought.

              I’m still highly skeptical when they portray politicians as competent, which I’ve heard this show does from multiple sources.

              Evil, sure– the political class is evil. But I find it unbelievable when politicians are portrayed as competent. It actually raises my hackles. I mean, if you spend five minutes listening to the fucking retard the comes out of the mouths of politicians… it’s just… yeah.

              1. But the Hostility Elyxir is my source of power! Well that and the copy of The Fountainhead I sleep with each night.

                1. You’re lucky I’m not my ex-wife or my mother. Otherwise I’d have run out of the room crying a long time ago.

                  Then you’d have to apologize.

                2. But the Hostility Elyxir is my source of power! Well that and the copy of The Fountainhead I sleep with each night.

                  Are you descended from Eastern Europeans? Your sense of humor is more in line with Bosniak, Kosovar and Romanian acquaintances than most people I know.

                3. the copy of The Fountainhead I sleep with each night.

                  Umm, ewww?

              2. Spacey’s character is competent in HoC, not so much “everyone” – as a matter of fact, a (first season) political ally of his is pretty useless. Spacey’s character is such a piece of shit, though, I’m okay with that. I mean, Bill Clinton was pretty slick.

          2. James Carville was on some local radio show a few months ago and re House of Cards said “Man I love that show. (Long pause). But nobody in DC is that competent.”

            1. Did he really say that? Well then, props to Carville. Someone whom the media always portrayed as highly competent.

              And I guess as DC apparatchiks go, he’d probably be on the ‘more competent’ end.

              1. He did indeed. Think it was ion the Dick Morris Show (which I don’t recommend).

                1. Dick Morris had a show?

                  Ok, yeah, Veep is a better representation of real life.

          3. If it is even 1/10th as good as the British original it is probably better than 99% of everything else on TV.

          4. Veep is also based on a British show. The British version of Veep is also way better because it’s got Malcolm Fucking Tucker.*

            He will skull fuck you, you fucking wanker.

            *The clips in there are actually from the movie In the Loop instead of the original show, The Thick of It. Still awesome though.

            1. That is fucking awesome! I haven’t laughed at a Britcom that hard since IT Crowd.

        2. House of Cards(US) is a pale imitation of the original. I like Kevin Spacey, but Ian Richardson plays the role so much better.

          1. Kevin Spacey is the modern go-to actor for sneering, condescending high-power guy.

            1. Richardson beats the shit out of him and takes his Obamacare premium.

              1. I had to google richardson, and after I did, I said to myself, “Oh THAT Ian Richardson”

                Yes, phenomenal. But he’s British. He’s in a different class. That’s like comparing American soccer players to European soccer players. AAA Baseball to the Pros.

                Well played, sir.

                1. Everybody knows that if you want a real high-class villain, you’ve got to go British.

          2. Yeah that’s what they said about ‘The Office’ and the American version sure is better, for the first 2/3 at least.

    4. It’s trashy, salacious, and overheated, but it’s fine tablet fodder for when you’re on the treadmill. If you haven’t finished watching the complete run of Highlander, that is.

    5. The original British version showed up on PBS 10 or 15 years ago, and I watched that.

      Of course, I also loved Yes, Minister.

  6. World UFO Day.

    So how are things on Europa? Is their anything near Io?

  7. “. But comedian Sherrod Small will be filling the middle chair.”

    This is unacceptable.

    Mike had 1 last chance to redeem his tielessness. Now the world will never see him vindicated. A nation mourns what might have been. (Taps plays softly somewhere)

    also, I don’t critique Sherrod. That dude is huge. I’m not going to tell him he doesn’t look great. You look great, Sherrod. For real.

    1. “Sherrod Small will be filling the middle chair.”

      So it’s nearly complete.

      Gutfeld will likely be here next week and then…

      “The Independents- Redeye for people with jobs!”

    2. It’s spelled fo’ reel, you SWPL racist.

      1. Fo’ reelz… tyro.

        1. Only among meth heads, you neophyte.

          1. What, may I ask, is wrong with being a meth head, you uncouth name caller?

  8. Alert: This is pre-recorded! My guess, before Monday’s live show. Or last December.

    1. “This a pre-recorded briefing made prior to your departure. The first signs of intelligent life off the internet have been found, buried at Fox Business. Except for a very powerful emission by Kennedy aimed at no one the program has remained completely inert, its audience and purpose still a total mystery…”

    2. Note that they will be discussing a poll released today: https://reason.com/blog/2014/07…..iest-presi

      1. We never said you weren’t clever.

      2. FBN has time travel! I guess the technology must be dodgy, so they’re testing it out on a show nobody watches anyway. Welch is mutilated in a time travel accident (ie. goes on vacation) and who cares? Now, if Megan Kelly doesn’t show up for work, there would be riots in the streets. Or at least in WalMart.

        1. FBN has time travel!

          That explains why they felt the need to identify last night’s episode as “Live and in real time”!

    3. They need to start Freshness Dating the episodes.

      1. Just wait for hyperconsumerism.

        Technicolor cravats were only in from 11am on the 16th to 4:43pm on the 18th. This MUST be an old episode.

  9. I don’t know how ratings work or where to get them and I’m too lazy to find out. How many millions of people regularly tune in to watch The Independents?

    1. 0.000027 millions of people watch TI.

      1. The people who measure the amount of plastic in the ocean say it is 0.000002-0.000027.

        1. But the people who claim how much is there say it’s eleventy bazzillion!

          1. It’s like the people who tell us they can estimate how many people are NOT counted in the census. Which raises the question of why should we have a census at all.

            1. It’s like the people who tell us they can estimate how many people are NOT counted in the census

              or unreported crimes. or uncounted deaths. or undetected warming. All in the pocket of Big SWAG.

              1. True. There really is not need to pay for studies or experiments any more. We should just pay for models.

              2. True story:
                When I was in boot camp, we were handed the non-op rifles we were to keep in polished state and use for marching drills.
                One guy immediately looked down the muzzle and pronounced: “Yep, it’s filled all the way down!”

    2. What have I estimated for years, there are about 22-28 regulars here on hit and run. I haven’t watched the independents lately because it interferes with my drinking.

      1. I don’t watch it because it’s boring. I would totally party with Kennedy though.

        1. Hey Doherty, you really need to drag Kennedy out to Burning Man with you. Even if you have to bring Welch too.

  10. Waitresses with guns:

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014…..ger-joint/

    1. “Shooters”

      *nods slowly*

    2. I saw that on Facebook this morning, only it was a Raw Story link where progs were outraged at a restaurant catering to a small town’s norms.

      1. Bet they don’t get a lot of ‘runners’.

    3. Hey. Whatever pisses off progs.

  11. The Stirling engine is an external combustion engine that runs off of heat generated by anything. It was invented in the late 1800s and the guy who invented the Segway now wants it to render the power grid basically obsolete.

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/ch…..the-world/

    The beauty of the Stirling is that it can run off of any heat source. “We have powered them using cow dung in Bangladesh, and even by burning olive oil,” Kamen says.
    As for cost? Kamen thinks that the 10 kw versions can be manufactured and installed for roughly $10,000 or about $1 per watt. That, however, wouldn’t cover development costs, overhead, or profit margin.

    He’ll start with 10 KW models for businesses, lease them, network them to control their output, and then release smaller home-models.

    1. I smell a conspiracy involving Big Unicorn

    2. He’s been pushing that since before Segway, and he’s not alone.
      I don’t know what the problem is, but somewhere between theory and practice, the Stirling never quite delivers the promised advantage.

      1. It *sounds* like he’s got a proto-type of some kind working.

        1. Well that clinches it. I’ll buy one right now! Wait, people have built working stirling engines before?

      2. Sealed engines are tricky, not to mention getting the most efficient heat transfer to the hot zone of the engine.

        And his cost numbers come straight out of his ass.

        1. “not to mention getting the most efficient heat transfer to the hot zone of the engine.”

          I expect this is the major problem. External combustion engines tend to lose a lot of heat to the atmosphere before it does any work.

        2. his cost numbers come straight out of his ass.

          So, fluid?

          1. Sou desu.

          2. It runs on Derp

            1. So you are saying it only spins to the left.

    3. I do hope you’re laughing at this.

      I’d say yes. Ten years from today the probability that you are depending on wires hanging on tree branches is as likely as that you’ll still be installing land lines for telephones. Close to zero.

      Just like no one would walk again once the Segway was released.

      What goes completely unaddressed in that ad link is the reliability of his system. That is what will ultimately determine the cost. Personally, I’m holding out for an affordable 3-5kW SOFC.

      1. The Segway was stupid, so now everything this guy does is stupid? That’s stupid.

        1. No, his statement is stupid and evidence of a pattern of ridiculous claims. Sorry I picked on your idol, but there it is.

          1. He’s not my idol and I don’t know why his statement is stupid. You must be an engineer the sneering condescension is a giveaway. Please try to make more actual critiques of the device.

            1. Aside from the question of the reliability of the device, the efficiency of the heat transfer, his lack of basis for the cost of the device and his completely idiotic claim that in 10 years no one will be connected to the grid (just think about how quickly that rollout would have to happen even assuming his outrageous cost claims are true), what would you like me to critique?

              Yes, I’m an engineer, and it’s clear you are not. Please try to think like one.

              1. his completely idiotic claim that in 10 years no one will be connected to the grid

                What’s especially idiotic about this claim is that even *if* they managed to roll out quickly enough, there’d still be tons of 55-80 year old people who wouldn’t switch to a Sterling engine out of sheer inertia.

                There are old people who still don’t have the internet, but Grandma’s going to switch to an external combustion engine?

                1. They can run these things on olive oil. Why not run them on rendered grandma? Two birds, one stone.

                  1. A valid point. If we ground up the old and unfit for use in our external combustion engines, we might be able to make this.

                    1. It’s carbon neutral too. Prog friends at work never seem to bite when I offer this as a solution.

                    2. Dunno. What’s granny’s energy density? I predict a lot of particulates, also.

                    3. I predict a lot of particulates, also.

                      Render, then gasify the remainder and till the biochar into the soil.

                    4. “Render, then gasify the remainder and till the biochar into the soil.”

                      I see you’ve given this a lot of thought.

                    5. “Render, then gasify the remainder and till the biochar into the soil.”

                      Well, you could certainly turn her fats into biodiesel with some additives and methanol. I like the idea of pyrolysis for the rest, but what about the bones? Paving material?

                    6. what about the bones? Paving material?

                      Bones should be ground and tilled in with the biochar. I think it’s commonly mixed in with fertilizers, but I’m not sure why.

                      *googles*

                      Apparently it’s a good source of phosphorous.

                      I see you’ve given this a lot of thought.

                      No, no. Not at all. Whatever makes you think that?

                    7. Unless they survive Carrousel of course.

                2. He’s got the same problem he had with Segway; the world’s infrastructure requires fundamental change for his predictions (wishes?) to come true, and his widget isn’t enough better to make it worthwhile.
                  Where do I put the engine? How much do natural gas lines have to increase? Who maintains the thing? For what?

            2. It’s obvious you like tech breakthroughs. That’s good. Seriously. Just temper them with a healthy dose of skepticism that engineers tend to have after seeing oh so many things go to shit after perfect planning.

              Here’s a tin-foil-hattery thing that I’ve been watching for years: http://arxiv.org/pdf/1406.0133v1.pdf

              MSimon posts here occasionally. He can talk your ear off about it.

              Solve that problem and we’ve got fusion for real. Now do I think it’s likely to work? Meh, not really until this paper came out. EMC^2 had been making bold claims for a long time too. And you know what they say about extraordinary claims…

              1. Fusion still has decades to make up to even approach our generation III fission reactor systems (AP1000, etc.). By that time we will be deep into generation IV fission reactors that will run at low pressures and at 10x the fuel efficiency producing much less waste with a much smaller dangerously radioactive period (

    4. Kamen thinks that the 10 kw versions can be manufactured and installed for roughly $10,000 or about $1 per watt.

      That’s nice. What about the fuel costs, though?

      1. Yeah, how about a $/kWh. That is what is actually important to people in the long run.

  12. So an amusing number pops up in the worst/best president poll.

    Number of people that think Obama the best post-WW2 president: 8%

  13. So an amusing number pops up in the worst/best president poll.

    Number of people that think Obama the best post-WW2 president: 8%

    1. LOL +1 in-joke.

      1. shrieking with laughter.

        1. It’s Bush’s fault!

  14. Aren’t there some decent open source commenting systems that can be configured to do what Reason wants theirs to do? Why are they trying to roll their own? It’s just a frustrating mess.

  15. Sudanese Christian Mariam Yehya Ibrahim (wife of a U.S. citizen) has been hassled by the Sudanese government – threatened with death, gave birth in prison while chained up and fearing for the child’s health, now facing new charges.

    In an interview with CNN she says, “I don’t know what their problem is.”

    http://edition.cnn.com/2014/07…..=pulsenews

    1. Pssst: The problem is Islam….

    2. Have they gone back on their promise not to fuck with her anymore after they let her out?

      1. She’s charged with document fraud in trying to leave the country and is in a “safe house” (I thought it was the U.S. embassy) while awaiting trial – she’s not allowed to leave the country. And in accordance with precedent in these cases, there seem to be vigilantes determined to kill her for “apostasy” despite the technicality that she was belatedly acquitted on that charge.

        1. Seriously Sudanese vigilantes, do you not have better things to do? Get jobs, spend time with your kids, read a good book, take up a hobby that doesn’t involve hunting people. Oh, I know, start an amateur roller-coaster building club. All the thrill of hunting people but you only expose yourselves to danger!

          Or simply fuck off and die. I will accept this as well.

          1. Here’s a story from Pakistan:

            “Pak man* gunned down despite being acquitted in blasphemy case

            “Sharafat said his brother was recently acquitted in a blasphemy case but those pursuing it had threatened him of dire consequences….

            “Earlier, another blasphemy accused had been shot dead after he secured bail in Punjab.”

            *Yeah, Pak Man, I know

            http://www.business-standard.c…..591_1.html

  16. “The Supreme Court’s Cold Indifference to America’s Workers

    “In a pair of term-end cases, the Court feels the pain of everybody but employees.

    “GARRETT EPPS…

    “…the majority Monday didn’t balance rights; it simply pretended that one side had them and the other didn’t.

    “Start with Harris….

    “The majority opinion discussed the unionized workers as if they were lumps of clay….

    “To the majority, then, the home-care workers aren’t professionals at all. They are glorified maids. Case closed….

    “In Hobby Lobby, Alito felt the pain of the Green and Hahn families, owners respectively of Hobby Lobby Stores and Mardell Christian bookstores, and of Conestoga Wood Specialties. The corporations are large (Hobby Lobby has 13,000 employees at 500 stores) but are closely held by the families….

    “Now, of course, thousands of employees?all women?have an interest in making contraceptive choices without interference by the Greens and the Hahns. This is not the pain of being told their “beliefs are flawed”; these are interests based in the need for equal pay for women, freedom of individual conscience, and their physical health and that of their families. The majority made no mention at all of those interests.”

    http://www.theatlantic.com/bus…..rs/373725/

    1. Every premise a fallacy.

    2. The law, it DOES NOT *FEEL*?!

      1. “The law is reason free from passion.” –Aristotle

        1. LIES BY OLD WHITE MEN, PROBABLY TO BENEFIT SOME GREEK CORPORATIONS!!

          1. You know Phidias Sculptures Inc. bought those votes!

    3. It was the home health care workers who filed the suit:

      http://www.foxnews.com/politic…..-millions/

      1. As Epps puts it, “A number of Rehabilitation Program workers objected to the fees”

    4. The majority opinion discussed the unionized workers as if they were lumps of clay

      Just following the union’s lead on that one. It was the union, after all, that was saying these workers didn’t have, and didn’t deserve, any say in the matter.

      I’m guessing that any of these workers who want to, you know, choose to join the union still can.

    5. Now, of course, thousands of employees?all women?have an interest in making contraceptive choices without interference by the Greens and the Hahns.

      And they can! Even after the decision, nobody is stopping them from acquiring the contraceptive of their choice.

    6. To the majority, then, the home-care workers aren’t professionals at all. They are glorified maids. Case closed….

      Maids aren’t professionals? Are they low like dirt or something?

  17. “There will be a Topical Storm, with puppies, rabbits, Russia, the U.N., and Netflix series House of Cards all showing up in the mix.”

    The Ferrets, they get their own whole segment, right?

  18. I love Sherrod Small for the time he laughed in the face of a weed prohibitionist on Hannity.

    1. Unfortunately, to enjoy that one, brief moment, requires you to swim through a fetid swamp of stupid.

      I am so, so glad i never saw that show. Matt and Gavin and Sherrod = i tip my hat to you. You are brave souls.

    2. Never seen it, but that twit really did pitch ‘killer weed!’, didn’t he? And I think he had enough makeup to hide the embarrassment.

      1. The best part was the doctor who said weed will mutate your genes which will get passed to your children.

        Apparently there’s at least one doctor who still believes in Lamarckian evolution.

        1. Apparently there’s at least one doctor who still believes in Lamarckian evolution.

          Lamarckian evolution is kind of back in with epigenetics, maybe.

          1. Does epigenetics have anything to do with Episiarch’s sainted mother?

            1. Episiarch’s sainted mother

              Isn’t there already a saint for whores?

              (This is less fun when I know he isn’t around to read it)

              1. Is he molting?

                1. Kind of. He’s transitioning into his final form: Mecha-Epi-thra.

                  Reports are sketchy, but we believe he will likely be able to comment fire, and make cogent arguments that even more things are pure projection.

                  What we do know for sure is that the Japanese, and sheep, are quaking in their boots.

                  We can only hope that Wartijira wakes from his long slumber to protect-rape us.

                  1. WARTJIRA! Friend to all holes!

          2. Lamarckian evolution is kind of back in with epigenetics, maybe.

            Sure, but I don’t think most theories about epigenetics claim that smoking weed near animals makes you fatter.

  19. Here’s what you’re missing if you watch the Independents –

    Dinesh D’Souza ?@DineshDSouza 2m

    Exclusive: Megyn Kelly moderates feisty debate on “America” at 9 pm Eastern tonight between Bill Ayers and me

    Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More

    1. “America” is D’Souza’s new book and movie.

    2. By ‘fiesty debate’, they mean ‘ridiculous shouting match-as-news’

      1. Yeah, we’re too cool to watch that kind of stuff.

        Having Ayers on is great trolling and probably great publicity.

        While I think D’Souza’s conspiracy theorizing is perhaps exaggerated, his prosecution by the feds is something that makes me go Hmmm…

        1. “Notorious G.K.C.|7.2.14 @ 7:43PM|#

          Yeah, we’re too cool to watch that kind of stuff.”

          OH, DISS!!

          No, we watch that kind of stuff and moan about it. I’m just saying, do i want to hear Kennedy do it? Or do i want to hear some Dinesh D’Lindbergh and WavyGravy have a bitchfight?

          Agreed on your last point.

          1. D’Souza lunch next week at Freedom Fest libertarian fiesta in Las Vegas. $75 additional fee (on top of the conference tuition) to have chicken kiev and hear Dinesh talk. Worth the extra fee to attend and have the chance to make hissing sounds at his pronouncments?

    3. So you’re saying I would be missing watching Megyn Kelly’s mouth move with the sound turned down on my TV.

  20. So, is there like a comment cap or something? I keep hitting threads and the ‘reply to this’ and comment box is just gone. Using Chrome.

    1. Had the option disappear temporarily and it came back. I’m on Chrome as well. There’s always comment issues here.

      1. Prevailing theory is that it’s an automatic throttle when an article gets too busy. This nuisance may be with us indefinitely if that’s true.

        1. Whoever manages the website can remove the fucking throttle, of course.

          1. Unless the throttle is thin orange line between us and another squirrelpocalypse.

            1. There’s no throttle active at the current load levels. We’re currently testing to see if the issue you describe is related to the page size and various browsers ability to handle the DOM and CSS demands. Almost all sites paginate threaded comments before they reach this size. Pagination is something we’ve tried to resist, but due to browser and user-hardware constraints it may be necessary.

              1. Way to take all the fun out of idle speculation!

                *sullenly kicks pebble down the road*

                In all seriousness. Thanks for keeping us apprised of progress. Is there something that changed about how pages load on the new server that would make pagination necessary? We used to have 300-500 comment pages at PM Links or the Late Night Links without this being an issue, and I believe I’ve had it on some of the smaller threads, but I’ll pay closer attention now.

              2. Almost all sites paginate threaded comments before they reach this size. Pagination is something we’ve tried to resist

                As well you should. Because have you ever seen a system that gets infected by cross Pagination?

    2. It’s based on the cumulative quality of your posts.

      1. Can’t be. I’m still here.

      2. Hey, *I’m* still commenting!

    3. No.
      Reason’s comment function seems to be contracted out to an editor’s nephew.

  21. Iowahawk twitter feed:

    Store Owner: I’d like to offer you the job. $15/hr, low benefits.
    Applicant: OK. When do I start?
    Crazy Person: KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY VAGINA

  22. So I found this compilation of US Navy nuclear shenanigans- some crazy stuff in here. It begins with a guy turning the wrong valve and flooding a drydock with 500 gallons of reactor cooling water.

    http://oc.itgo.com/kitsap/nuclear/clymer.htm

    1. I wonder what the rad level of that water was.. Power reactors use ion exchange resins to remove any fission products that may make it out of a failed fuel rod but I don’t know if the subs do the same.

      Most likely tritium would be the biggest hazard.

  23. Oh my: George Takei blasts Hobby Lobby ruling

    “Hobby Lobby is not a church. It’s a business — and a big one at that. Businesses must and should be required to comply with neutrally crafted laws of general applicability,” Takei wrote. “Your boss should not have a say over your healthcare. Once the law starts permitting exceptions based on ‘sincerely held religious beliefs’ there’s no end to the mischief and discrimination that will ensue.”

    In a 5-4 decision Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that closely held corporations can opt out of providing contraception coverage if it violates their sincere religious beliefs, a ruling Takei viewed as potentially skewed by the plaintiffs’ Christian faith.

    “In this case, the owners happen to be deeply Christian; one wonders whether the case would have come out differently if a Muslim-run chain business attempted to impose Sharia law on its employees,” Takei said.

    The “Star Trek” actor also criticized the craft store chain for spending millions of dollars on employee retirement plans that are invested in a variety of manufacturers that produce the same contraceptive products the company protested in its lawsuit.

    “It also buys most of its inventory from China, where forced abortions are common,” Takei added. “The hypocrisy is galling.”

    The Muslim baiting has been a disturbingly common argument.

    1. Once again we see that inaction has been confused with action. Refusing to pay for pills is no different than forcing someone to follow sharia.

      Here is my running list of distinctions progs do not recognize:

      coerced vs. voluntary
      govt vs. society
      money vs. wealth
      tax breaks vs. subsidies

      1. Politics vs. things that should not be politicized.

      2. Some hardcore Derp for your pleasure from the comments:

        D*** ? Follow
        Unfortunately we did not get universal coverage with the ACA. I honestly believe if Obama had pushed it, we would have seen that happen. I feel he caved to the insurance companies. Americans, in general, wanted universal. I don’t care what the media reported otherwise.
        Reply ? Like ? 14 hours ago

        D***? Follow
        Brian Williams, this was never about ?free? healthcare. Paying for universal health coverage through taxes is paying for it. I received health care in Germany twice (my in-laws were German). Germans like their coverage. The French like their health plans. The Danes and Norweigians and the Dutch like their health care plans. Why is this so difficult for Americans to understand? Western Europeans are pleased with their health care systems and they pay for that health care in various ways. Health care reform was NEVER about ?free? healthcare.

        1. The Danes […] like their health care plans.

          I went on this Danish cinema kick in 2002. Every single Danish movie I watched went out of its way to reference how dissatisfied they were with their healthcare. One of them, Klatret?sen, was explicitly about the Danish healthcare system failing a girl’s father and her having to rob a bank to take her dad to the US to get treatment for his illness.

          1. I didn’t know you were into Danish porn

            1. Wait, if I use cinema do you just assume I mean porn?

              I haz a sad.

              Incidentally, now I have to see if I can find a Danish porn studio. Failing that I suppose I can try to filter xtube by Danish users…

                1. Those would make great Facebook Cover Photos.

                  1. I thought they were Facebook Cover photos.

                    1. They probably are now.

    2. “”one wonders whether the case would have come out differently if a Muslim-run chain business attempted to impose Sharia law on its employees,” Takei said.”

      If by Sharia law you mean “telling employees to buy their own pork, not force the company to provide it for free,” then I suspect the case would come out the same.

      One wonders if Takei has heard of the case of Holt v. Hobbs, which the Supreme Court is hearing, about the right of a Muslim prisoner to wear a beard. Pending decision, the Court allows the beard. The Becket Fund, a “Religious Right” organization, defends the prisoner.

      http://www.becketfund.org/holt/

      …AND the Muslim prisoner is also supported by “Prison Fellowship Ministries, World Vision, National Association of Evangelicals, and Christian Legal Society”

      Really, the main difference from Hobby Lobby is that in the Holt case, the U.S. Justice Department *supports* religious freedom.

      http://www.becketfund.org/holt-amici/

      1. Don’t forget these other groups supporting the prisoner: International Mission Board for the Southern Baptist Convention, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, General Conference of Seventh-Day Adventist, Alliance Defending Freedom, and The Rutherford Institute – most of which are reliably in the right-wing Christian fundie teabagging theocrat camp.

        Beam me up, Scottie, ah can’t take any mair derp!

    3. Takei is Barton Hinkle?

    4. “The hypocrisy is galling.”

      Even the Supreme Court dissenters accepted the sincerity of the owners. Take this question up with Ginsburg.

      1. Once again the progs think tu quoque is an actual argument.

    5. Businesses must and should be required to comply with neutrally crafted laws of general applicability.

      He actually gets off to a good start there. Aaand, immediately runs off the rails:

      Your boss should not have a say over your healthcare

  24. Abraham Lincoln’s *fabulous* slippers –

    (from neatorama.com)

    http://bit.ly/1sZ4AQ8

  25. Super secret Navy propeller shows up on Microsoft Virtual Earth because the Navy was too lazy to put a tarp over it.

    http://ogleearth.com/2007/08/m…..propeller/

  26. So are the progs demanding a new court packing scheme?

    1. Of course they can just wait until the next conservative leaves or tell Roberts that it is a tax.

  27. So speaking of foreign policy and Iran how come none of Reason’s foreign policy writers brings these things up?

    1. Goddamn links don’t work. I’m referring to the 1921 Persian coup, the 1941 Anglo-Soviet Invasion of Iran and the 1946 Iran crisis. They certainly played an important role in the leadup the 1953 coup. And I’ve got to hand it to the Soviets for their libertarian foreign policy during these events.

      1. Dude, most foreign policy here is a cookie-cutter exercise. (apologies to those who don’t)

        1. Seems they mostly regurgitate whatever the anti-war left is saying which is simplistic and pro-Communist. The “anti-war” left won’t bring up these events for obvious reasons such as the 1941 invasion because *cough*Stalin*cough*WWII*cough* so the anti-war libertarians won’t either.

          1. Not exactly.

            but probably not the best time to debate the point.

    1. Milton Berle!

  28. Prediction: Dreamcatchers.

  29. Kmele rocking the bowtie. Awesome!

  30. Oreo!

  31. Notice she makes a point of calling Hump Day. You’ll see a lot of mentions of Wednesday, overcompensating for this being recorded years ago.

    1. Probably this morning. The worst prez poll was yesterday.

  32. He’s trying to put lipstick on the pig that is his presidency.

  33. Lagunitas Little Sumpin’ Extra for me tonight. Yum!!

  34. BO: “Yammer, yammer, yammer, ah, yammer, yammer, ya.”

    1. ^This is what I hear when O speaks.

      When I speak my dog hears: “Blah, Blah, Blah, Lucky, Blah, Blah.”

  35. A down vest? Yeah, this episode was so recorded in July.

  36. A KGB officer, a CIA officer, and a Mossad officer decide to see who can catch a rabbit the fastest. The KGB guy goes first and comes back with a rabbit after half an hour. The CIA guy goes next and comes back and hour later. The Mossad guy goes and is gone a long time. The other two go looking for him and find the Mossad guy beating up a squirrel while screaming “admit you are a rabbit!”

    -Palestinian joke

    1. Haha, those wacky Mossad guys, always thinking they’re seeing terrorists when they see innocent and peaceful Palestinians….

  37. Wait, wasn’t Reagan still polling relatively high at the end?

  38. Is Fowler a liberal?

  39. Washington worse than Obama for Sherrod.

    Ah.

    1. Washington is perhaps the greatest leader of all time. He walked away when he could have become prez for life. That’s rare, maybe unique.

    2. Yeah, what an idiot.

  40. Hillary is very competitive. She’ll be reviled at the beginning of her first term.

    1. Heck, she’s reviled already, and hasn’t “officially” announced yet.

      1. Yeah, she’s trying to make the ‘hard choices’!

      2. “She’s number one!! She’s number one!!”

        1. A legend in her own mind!

    2. I’m working on a Hillary theme song:

      ?

      No, woman no lie…?

      No, woman no lie…?

      In the meantime, this will have to do:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLSWudoqtWE

  41. I’m usually having dinner around this time, so I have never really watched an entire show. I finally get to watch one, and man, does this blow.

  42. OT: The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this Federal Agency.

    On Wednesday, Rep. Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) sent out a press release chronicling his recent trip to a facility maintained by the department of Health and Human Services established to house up to 1,200 unaccompanied alien children (UAC) who crossed the southern border illegally. Bridenstine’s trip was a short one, however, as the congressman was denied access to the facility by an HHS official.

    1. #73,201 on the Imagine the Shitstorm if This Happened Under a Republican President list.

  43. Charter flights. That’s how you buy your way out.

  44. An Israeli takes a vacation in Ireland. He unwisely decides to walk around Belfast late at night. While walking back to his hotel, he is grabbed from behind and pulled into an alley. The unseen man asks ominously “Protestant or Catholic?” The Israeli, feeling a bit relieved, confidently answers “Neither! I’m Jewish.”

    The unseen man laughs and says “Oy I’m the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!”

  45. Is any guest on the panel *not* a liberal?

    1. ^This.

      There’s nothing “Independent” about this. Kmele can’t get a word in edge wise. You’d think Kennedy would be setting him up spike the ball, but she just gets in his way.

  46. The 10% or $200 tax plan!

  47. Why doesn’t Suderman get off his dead ass and sit in Welch’s seat one of these times? If Moynihan can risk the sun and help out why can’t Peter put down the game controller and pitch in?

    1. He’s busy breast feeding and changing diapers.

      1. Fetishes do take a bit of time if you’re doing them right.

      2. That….raises a lot of questions.

        1. Did not he and Megan have a baby not too long ago? He’s home bottle feeding his baby breast milk. Unless he’s made a commitment to estrogen therapy.

          1. Like I said, questions.

          2. No kid. Just a large dog.

            1. It knows that squirrel would go right to its hips.

    2. I’m filling in for Welch one day next week.

      1. Next week? Does Welch get the French 31-day vacation package or something?

      2. Yeah, because I shamed you into it.

  48. School suspends student for “disrupting class” by being excessively non-disruptive:

    High school student disciplined for participating in National Day of Silence pro-gay-rights protest:

    The day before the event, on Thursday, April 19, 2012, Fusco called Hatcher out of class and into her office, where she warned that if Hatcher came to school the following day and “was quiet, there would be disciplinary consequences.”

    1. I totally support progs having more and more days of silence.

      1. Indeed. If only that were the standard method of protest.

    2. OK, it’s Volokh, so it’s damn sure legit.
      I was expecting Onion.

    3. Tell me that’s an Onion story. Please, I’m begging you.

      1. *remains quiet*

    4. Petty tyrants. Yet another reason why it is better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

      1. Well, in this case, the permission asking had included documentation on why the principal didn’t have the right to refuse both under district policy and current SCOTUS precedent, so the court ruled Fusco couldn’t claim qualified immunity and was eligible to be personally sued for her involvement.

    5. I was once threatened with suspension because I refused to sit in class and do ditto sheets when a teacher was “observing the day of silence”. Or as I call it, not doing her fucking job.

  49. Crosshairs is a trigger word.

    1. Target is a retailer!

      1. Trigger was a horse! I didn’t know there were certain words associated with him….

  50. They’re fine having their beliefs but they better not try to indoctrinate impressionable fellow students. That’s the faculty’s job.

  51. Small’s fine on the party panel, but he’s no good cohosting. There, I said it.

      1. How many of there are you?

        1. Oh, I meant to switch to one of my sockpuppets.

      2. Did you just ^This your own comment?

        1. My first ever ^This. I couldn’t find anyone but me who deserved it.

          1. One poster who definitely doesn’t deserve it is Fist of Etiquette.

            1. Which one?

            2. It’s okay, he’s only a one caret commenter. Nothing special.

    1. Obviously, he has people who find him funny. Good on him for getting work as a comedian.

      But I don’t see it.

      1. I don’t think you actually have to find paying employment in comedy to self-describe as a “comedian”.

        1. Yeah, My husband cousin fits into that category.

          1. Oh good Lord. My husband’s cousin, not my husband who is my cousin. He’s not. My cousin, I mean.

          2. “My husband cousin” sounds like a hill-billy thing.

            1. ‘cuzband

            2. If I were a comedian, I’d totally make a funny response.

              1. Good, ASM.

      2. I haven’t seen his act so I’ll reserve judgment on that. But here? No.

        1. I skimmed some of his stuff on YouTube. Maybe I picked the wrong parts, but it wasn’t really to my taste.

          1. I thought Robin Williams was funny. Once.

      3. He is sometimes amusing on Redeye, but so is John Bolton.

      4. Chelsea Handler has a job pretending to be funny so anything is possible in America.

        1. +1

        2. And Bethany Spacklecrotch has a daytime talk show, so there are no standards.

  52. Shifting trend or shifty trend? You decide.

    1. Shitty friend.

  53. The Independents Attire Review, 2 July 2014

    Real Men Punctuate With Buckshot-Edition

    – Kennedy: The Izods (*the other being the pink) are our stated Kennedy favorites. We call this one “The Miami Vice”. Unfortunately tonight we get the soft-pink lipstick instead of the more apropos nuclear-magenta which is *like, Totally* its BFF, fer sure.

    – Sherrod: We lied; Sherrod, WTF? I gave you green light to wear whatever you want out of my respect for your ‘whip my ass’ potential. However, this is fucking ridiculous. You make the foreign policy, ‘neck-hair is sexy’-guy look more Prepared and Professional than you. Respect the Chair, dude.

    – Kmele: I’ve passed on much criticism of Kmele’s occasional bow-tie-ness. I’ve made the obligatory Nation of Islam references. I’ve previously pointed out how they are sometimes used as a social-cue by people like Consultants and Lawyers to signal ‘professional objectivity’. I think they make you look like a goddamn host at Chuck-E-Cheese. Maybe it could fly with a 3-piece, my man. But this isn’t doing it.

    – Greg Lukianoff : ….who wears chalk-striped suit with open collar shirt – AGAIN? We slammed him before for this same crime, but his repeat offense indicates some Serious Bad Judgement. Chalk Stripes work with Judges and Bankers, and they tend to a) shave, and b) wear a tie. If you’re going for a ‘casual’ look, don’t wear your Power Suit.

    Ahee-ih-yeh.

    1. I can’t believe Sherrod’s not wearing a “Sherrod’s Twitter Army” t-shirt.

      I am.

      1. Ha HA! Sherrod you are!

        1. Shame on you.

  54. Do some scientific research on the United States Constitution, while you’re throwing on your white lab coats.

  55. Shingle trend.

  56. Oh look, I can comment now after 15 minutes of watching others (really, the same 4 people) do it. Better make it count:

    Uh, feed the guy’s testicles to the rabbit.

  57. There was a Georgian once who had to deal with a killer bunny…

    1. Then he killed the Kulaks?

      1. Lying so-con! The Kulaks all committed suicide!

  58. C’mon Kennedy, complete the comments loop about the Florida guy by reporting that he said, while punching the rabbit, “Admit you are a squirrel!”

  59. Yeah, sherrod should stay on the sidelines. He just goofs and laughs at his own jokes

    1. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

      Reminds me of the time a friend of ours back in junior high invited everyone except one guy. When we urged him to change his mind and asked why he refused he said ‘because he laughs at his own jokes.’

      There’s no comeback for that.

  60. Worst Bugs reference ever!

    1. I knew this thread shouldn’t have taken that left toin at Albukoikey!

  61. Cute puppy vids now. I hate to say it, but that’s the best part of the show so far.

  62. Don’t worry, everyone. She forfeited her protected class status a while ago.

  63. I remember Samuel L. Jackson compared his house servant character Stephen in ‘Django Unchained’ to Clarence Thomas. He basically said Thomas has the same moral compass.

    That seemed like the worst thing you could call a black person.

    1. SLJ is an asshole then?

      1. He was a member of the Black Panthers, so I think he’s probably sensitive on race issues.

      2. Then, now, and always.

  64. Is Kmele like Carlton?

    Just asking.

    1. Carlton your doorman?

    2. I suspect he dances the same.

  65. Aliens have asked Kennedy to probe them.

  66. …and it was the best 4th of July ever.

  67. That’s a lot of sightings. Not ONE is real?

    Damn.

  68. If the state can’t do it, NOBODY CAN.

  69. Snuggies!

    Love those commercials. I’ve yet to see someone wear it public.

    1. I saw the daughter of one of our office managers running around the office in one playing with a Barbie. She was too old to be playing with Barbies or wearing Snuggies in public.

  70. The Queen of England is touring a hospital in the US. While walking past a room, she sees a patient masturbating furiously and gasps in shock. The doctor escorting her explains “Your Majesty, that man has a condition which causes overproduction of sperm. If he doesn’t relieve himself constantly, his testes will rupture and he will die in agony.”

    They walk past another room where the Queen sees a guy getting an epic blowjob. Before the Queen has time to react, the doctor waves his hand and says “same deal, better health insurance.”

    1. I don’t get it, which one was the palestinian?

    2. Her Majesty says: I need to do some charity work. Pro boner.

  71. For a topic as futuristic as aliens, they sure do use real old jokes.

  72. Izod?

    You meant it’s not Lacoste?

    1. You philistine…

      the Izod was the name-brand of the iconic shirt-pattern, made by Lacoste.

      as Mustang to Ford

      1. Yeah, yeah.

        Just play along.

        1. Technically, not Lacoste though.

          Different companies who paired up, no?

          1. At least, I always thought that. I could be wrong.

      2. actually …

        it is more complicated than that.

        “Izod Lacoste

        Izod of London would become most notable for its pairing with the Lacoste shirt company from 1952 to 1993. Vincent Draddy began to license the Lacoste shirt to adding prestige to the Izod line, but he couldn’t find a market for the then-expensive $8.00 retail price. After Draddy began giving the shirts away to his famous friends, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Bing Crosby, Daniel Platt, and John F. Kennedy, the shirts soon became popular with department stores. “Izod of London” became a brand known simply as “Izod Lacoste”. While the shirts were equally Izod and Lacoste, they became abbreviated and popularized as “Izod” shirts (which led to the ongoing misunderstanding that the famous “Crocodile” is the “Izod” trademark.)

        so, I suppose its more of an ‘either / or’ thing.

        in the US, the shirt is known as ‘the’-izod, and Izod is not much known as a separate company/brand.

        so i is corrected.

        1. That’s how I remember it.

          I used to buy Lacoste for tennis/squash (two sports I miss dearly) back in the day and may have had a conversation with someone along the way about all this.

          1. As bad a squash player I was.

            Anyway.

            So my original snark stands?

            Izod? You mean it’s not LACOSTE?!

        2. in the US, the shirt is known as ‘the’-izod, and Izod is not much known as a separate company/brand.

          Huh. I’m going to plumb the depths of my own fashion ignorance here, but IZOD has it’s own section in at least Macy’s. I didn’t realize it was associated with polo shirts. I thought it was a brand associated with looking like one was going golfing or yachting and later being a bro.

          1. Wanna get confused? Look up the various histories of Italian automobile, boat and motor-cycle companies (as well as some fashion houses) and get back to me.

            1. Heheh, was just reading about Aurelio Lampredi’s jog through those industries.

  73. Damn. Foster has his number on this.

  74. Is Obama a bigger putz than Potsie?

  75. Bush’s fault!

  76. Had enough of Sharrod, I’m turning this off.

    1. YOU’RE GONNA MISS THE BEST PART!

    2. Just in time to miss Ron Paul talking about the Middle East.

      Yeah, that sounds like a real snoozefest.

    3. Don’t turn off now, before you can see the “pocket hose ultra” turn from flaccid to erect!

      It’s “built to last” and won’t leak a drop.

      1. OK, I’m giving in to internet peer pressure and I’ll turn it back on. So far, Ron Paul isn’t sounding too crazy. I’ll give him a few more minutes.

  77. Nobody puts Dr. Paul below the fold!

    1. Maybe his wife! *nudge nudge wink wink*

      KnowwhatImean?

  78. Really, “Pocket hose ultra”?

    Say goodbye to leaky hoses that spray all over you!

    1. Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have settled for the pocket hose mega.

  79. She’ll even interrupt Ron Paul!

    1. In her defense, Ron does need a good editor sometimes.

      1. Yeah, but that ain’t Kennedy.

  80. So we hate the bow tie?

    1. I don’t know who “we” is, but i stand by my “you look like you’re selling movie tickets” comment.

      I think w/ the 3piece it could kill.

      1. guess i can see that — just tried to play it straight

    2. Not bowties in general, some look pretty dapper on you.
      This one, though, seems to say “adjunct assistant professor at Bryn Mawr.”

    3. Also, “hate” is harsh.

      I flat out hate Greg’s ‘chalk stripes’ sans-tie.

      Sherrod’s StreetWear ensemble is a little disappointing.

      The bow tie just fails to do you justice 🙂

  81. Good news! ExxonMobil to invest $1 billion on Belgian Waffles.

  82. The sad thing is that Ron Pauls quasi-coherent ramblings are probably the ‘best example’ of Libertarian foreign policy.

  83. In the ME, we should park a hospital ship off the coast of the latest hot spot and take care of the injured. Don’t send weapons, advisors, or troops. Just patch up the broken.

    1. One side would torpedo it to attempt to get us involved on one side or the other.

    2. There’s fighting in Maine?

      1. Canadian Guerillas sneaking across for some southern style maple syrup.

      2. Those lobsters are vicious!

    3. You just saw that TNG episode again too?

  84. A CIA agent parachutes into the USSR. His assignment is find out what glasnost is about He makes his way to the nearest city and goes to the bakery. A sign on the window says “no bread” so he writes that in his notebook. He goes to the butcher and sees a sign that says “no meat” so he writes that in his notebook. The plain clothes KGB agent following him says “you know, if you were caught doing that 5 years ago, you’d have been shot. The CIA guy writes in his notebook “no bullets”.

    /Soviet joke

  85. What better way to change hearts and minds than at the point of a gun?

    1. Your right — i take it all back

      1. And I didn’t even need a gun. I guess I have to take it back now.

  86. I think I have discovered a use for Twitter. Whenever any Reason commentator commits a serious crime or infraction and is found guilty, we can send off to the Phantom Zone.

    Only this is our Phantom Zone.

    1. I see another 9-0 decision coming: This is cruel and unusual punishment!

  87. Hear, hear Kmele.

    Good show my man.

    1. Yes, outstanding insights on the CRA.

    2. [tips hat] [slowly backs out of room]

      1. The real deal? Or Dwayne Wade?

  88. Get rid of races?

    What will happen to the World Cup?

    Are you mad?

    I take back what I just said.

  89. FASTEST.DOBBS.TRANSITION.EVER.

  90. Fuck off Dobbs. Can’t you see I’m busy here?

  91. Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: HOW DO YOU KNOW? WERE YOU THERE?!

    For full effect, yell at the top of your lungs and to quiver your upper lip a little. A double lapel grab may also be in order.

    1. That reminds of an idea for a show.

      It’s called Pla’TOON. It’s about a bunch of wacky cartoon characters that got drafted into the Marines and sent to fight in Vietnam.

      Elmer Fudd would be the platoon leader, Foghorn Leghorn would be a machine-gunner, Tweety would be the pointman/scout and so forth.

      1. I think they already made that. Michael Jordan was in the movie as well.

    2. That seems like a variant on the (highly offensive) =

      Q: Do you know what thousands and thousands of battered women all have in common?

      A: (building to scream) They never know When to SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP!!

      That is a *baaaaaaad* joke, and best reserved for ‘how low can you go’ competitions when extremely drunk.

      1. You missed the holocaust jokes.
        1) My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He was a guard and locked the door from the inside.

        1. Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

          A: You would too if you saw his gas bill.

      2. Or

        Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

        A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

      3. “Knock knock”

        “Who’s there?”

        “Pete.”

        “Pete who?”

        “Pete in the pool, ha ha!”

        “Gross!”

        1. Which is funny, because i have a friend named Pete Grosz. (pronounced ‘gross’)

          And you’ve probably seen him around

          He beat me for the win in an 8th grade ‘public speech’ contest. Mine was a parody of a Televangelist. His was… something else that was funnier… (shakes fist) to some people!

          1. Those ads are WEIRD!
            Two 40-something guys discussing fast food?

        2. GILMORE, Sevo, Derpetologist, and antisocial-ist each get a +1 for those jokes.

          Notorious G.K.C…. um… well, work on your material.

          1. I posted the first in the series earlier, but this one has some delightful circumcision jokes: Vice – Kids Telling Dirty Jokes (Ruby)

  92. Story related to the last discussion and keeping it Kmele.

    My dad was a kid during the civil rights movement. He maintains to this day that the civil rights act, and most of the actual civil rights movement, did little to nothing to actually bring people together. As a result racial tensions remained extremely high until the TV show All in the Family came out. Something about watching Archie Bunker and George Jefferson argue humanized the other side, and according to my dad helped more than any law, protest,or speech.

    1. I have the clip for that:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuznDnDlTuI

      Seems like the 70s were a lot more relaxed.

    2. It’s interesting because my father who came to Canada in the 50s absolutely loved watching The Jeffersons. He saw a lot of himself in George – mostly the trying to make it in an alien land while for Jefferson it was fighting through racism.

    3. “He maintains to this day that the civil rights act, and most of the actual civil rights movement, did little to nothing to actually bring people together. As a result racial tensions remained extremely high until the TV show All in the Family came out.”

      I’m not sure that the CRA caused actual harm, but every time the government attempts to become a leading indicator of human activity, it tends to screw the pooch.
      In Brown/BoE, I’m pretty certain that Warren was trying to make amends for tossing Japs in the camps. And I’m also pretty certain it didn’t end segregation in public schools any earlier than it happened anyhow.

      1. Case in point: at the time of Roe v. Wade, abortion was already liberalized in states representing about 30% of the population. How much social strife would have been avoided if that process had been left to continue?

    4. anti-socialist: I’m your Dad’s age and I think All in the Family was very useful. It showed how ludicrous some people could get. We need that today – a show that ridicules the extremists on both ends of the political spectrum. SNL is too Dem-loving sycophantic.

      1. Yeah, I get that feeling too even though they do spoof both sides.

  93. I think this is more Derp than even Deprtologist can handle:

    Exhibit 1

    and

    Exhibit 2

    1. Hah! I scoff at such!

      Your idea of derp is like “white guy spicy” at a Thai restaurant.

      You want some real derp? Oh, you just wait. In 10 minutes, I’ll dig up derp that will make you wish your mother had never met your father.

      1. All of a sudden craving for Thai.

        1. Another perverted sex tourist!

    2. Oh, Derpetologist, Serious is leaving you in the dust!

      Serious’ link killed more of my brain cells than anything you showed us today – you need to bring your A game!

    3. Why did I click on those? I barely passed basic derpetology.

  94. I will presenting a 7-course meal of derp. Course 1:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQfag6kfWD4

  95. Okay, okay, I apologize for those last few links of stupidity. Here, have some harmless internet stupidity:

    The Jurassic Park theme as sung by goats, rams, and sheep

    They’re singing in herds. They do sing in herds.

    1. The Senate will be in order!

    1. That is beautiful…

      She was squirming n ticking like kate Hepburn in ‘on golden pond’

    2. That’s harsh.

      She makes less sense than a … 14 yr old?

  96. I guess Derp and I will be performing a dueling pianos skit of derp linking? Okay. From the comments of this article:

    7rob7 ? 2 hours ago
    There’s something about the sight of a pretty girl wearing a gun that makes me shiver all over.

    And run as fast as I can away from her.

    sophie ? 4 hours ago
    So, if the customer doesn’t like their food, they can just exercise their 2nd amendment rights. Or if the waitress gets a nasty customer, she can do the same?! Why or how this open carry crap is legal is beyond me. And, isn’t that a child inside the restaurant–does he get to play with all the guns?

    kfreed Colin ? 3 hours ago
    “There’s a big difference between carrying a gun and just shooting someone at any time for any reason”

    Not really:

    Koch NRATea Party Stand Your GroundKill at Will: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd

    1. “Why or how this open carry crap is legal is beyond me. And, isn’t that a child inside the restaurant–does he get to play with all the guns?”

      I get the suspicion that there’s a LOT beyond her ken.

    2. We had a contest like this in college: who could fuck the most repulsive girl. My entry had no tits and a serious skin condition.

    3. I guess they don’t like cops either?

    1. Isn’t that nerd humor rather than actual derp?

    2. That movie was a load of bullshit, based on the ‘star’ air-force turd who told the story.

      Disgruntled and passed over.

  97. Alright Grand and Derp. To the death. I want to see you guys still at it when I get up in the morning.

  98. Intermission: Derp vs. non-Derp

    http://differentviewsonguncont…..00×226.jpg

  99. Salon interviews Penn Jillette

    Now this is actually a really good interview where he makes some great points. Like:

    Q. Given that you describe yourself as having been liberal in the past, why do you think performers and entertainers are stereotypically liberal?

    A. I don’t know how it ends up being that way. The people who get scared of me politically and are more liberal ? the one thing I’ll never question is their motives. That’s something that breaks my heart is that when people disagree, they question the other person’s motives. Watching people less fortunate than yourselves, wanting to make people kind of on an equal footing and wanting to help people is nothing but good. We all want that, how we accomplish it is what we’re disagreeing on. And I think that’s important to remember. And I think that it’s a culture in Hollywood that’s just very, very smart people who think they have something they don’t deserve. And in some cases, you know, what hurts you the most is things that come too easy. There’s this article a few weeks ago called “Advice for a Happy Life.” And one piece was “earn everything.” And I really think that much better than the feeling of having things is the feeling of having earned things.

    1. Comments:

      pancho 1 hour ago
      Whats all this “free market” BS. There are no free markets. Markets cannot exist without rules, regulations and a policing agency. Those who write the rules and control the policing agency control the market. Furthermore all markets are inherently unstable. Quickly turn to monopoly’s, overheat and crash. You have to be really really dumb not to know these things as we have hundreds of years of experience to verify them. I can’t believe the complete bullcrap Libertarians espouse. I suspect most Libertarians don’t care because they got lucky and have convinced themselves they deserve it thanks to the magical hand of the “free market”.

      rojawi 1 hour ago
      Penn Jillette’s false assumptions:

      1.Only libertarians appreciate hard word, individuality, originality. (Others do, too)

      2.Hard work, individuality and originality are the key principles of libertarianism today. (They’re not)

      3.Most movie stars are “liberal” and do not value hard work, individuality and originality. (There are many, many hard-working, original actors; if they put on a public political stance…it’s a PR thing.)

      I think all who call themselves “libertarians” in 2014, including Penn Gillette, need to wake up and educate themselves about how large corporations and the super-wealthy now control government, elections, the economy, jobs, the media and culture. I mean, the Koch brothers are billionaire libertarians and they’re buying elections!

      1. Wow. Missed the point by so much there should be a special award for him/her.

        1. Hey, he read the talking points and posted them. What more do you want?

          1. Literally. I’m sure that pancho read that Robert Reich piece today and had to regurgitate it.

  100. GMSM, Derp is obsessed. Just walk away. You don’t want to go where he can lead you.

    1. Seems like both of them have gazed into the horrible abyss for too long and been reduced to gibbering madness.

      1. Abyss or abscess?

    2. Yeah, I should probably stop, I need to pack for my trip. Just wanted to give my best effort while demonstrating my libertarian mithridatism towards toxic left-wing stupidity.

  101. AlterNet double whammy:

    In Praise of the Beta Male

    The times I think “what a man” are ironically when my guy does something outside the stereotypical straight-male gender box. There was the time he teared up during “Frozen.” The countless thoughtful conversations we’ve had about sex, love and relationships. The time he cited something from bell hooks and was scandalized that I hadn’t read it. Then there’s the story he only got around to telling me the other day about this one time he ended up camping out at “an activist trans farm in Tennessee” with some friends who self-identified as “Jewish dykes.” It’s moments like that when I get a little starry-eyed and think, “Where did this wonderful man come from?”

    Harriet v. Quinn: The New Dredd Scott:

    It’d be more than alarming and resoundingly condemned if any institution in the U.S. tried to take our country back to the days before Dred Scott, when people of color in this country fell under the racist and dehumanizing “three fifths rule.” But the Supreme Court’s decision in Harris v Quinn smacks of a new three fifths rule by declaring the fastest growing occupation in the nation, an occupation dominated by people of color and women, as “partial” or “quasi” public employees.

    1. Serious, the scrappy underdog, brings the derp like a pro. Will he unseat Derpetologist, the reigning champion?

    2. The first is like something from the Onion, but the second is truly first class derp. So anyone who gets government money to help care for someone disabled is a public employee? Wouldn’t that make everyone on welfare or Social Security also a public employee?

    3. It’s moments like that when I get a little starry-eyed and think, “Where did this wonderful man come from?”

      …Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.

      Ya freak.

    1. But Derpetologist isn’t out of the game yet…with the beardo video, he counters Serious’ Alternet citations. Can he defend himself against the upstart?

      1. I don’t know that there was some power derp.

  102. Last bit of derp from that Dred Scott AlterNet article. A simple comment:

    bobaka ? 6 hours ago
    If every workplace was unionized then capitalism would fall apart, class privilege would end, and workers would end up owning the businesses they worked for. Every business owner would be forced to sell their business to their workers when the privileged owner retired. Simple. Every workplace must have a union to counter the business owners and their cronies the police strikebreakers. We are born into tyranny and a union is the only–the only–way for a common man to stop his exploitation by bosses who want to put all profit in their own pockets. Look at the neighborhoods owners of business live in and then look at the neighborhoods the workers live in. What makes for the difference? The worker is robbed by his employer.

    **bows to Sensei Derptologist**

    1. And in a final move, Serious returns to what seems to be the bottomless well of Alternet…and he finds a raving loony who is too dumb even to be a socialist!

      Then he walks jauntily off the field, as if to say, “can you possibly find a better source of derp, or will you just concede now?”

    2. And after that, whenever we need employment we’ll just gather workers together in empty fields and wait for a business to spontaneously spring up around them.

        1. Worms gotta to eat, same as buzzards.

          It’s environmentalism!

  103. Course 7:

    I once got in an argument with a street preacher. At one point, I said that there was no evidence for most of the historical claims in the Bible. I said that I learned this from studying many books on archaeology and history.

    His response? “Well son, you can’t believe everything you read.”

    I would like to emphasize that he was holding a Bible when he said this.

    1. Well, Derpetologist made a respectable showing with his citation of the street preacher…in any other contest this would have been a decisive move, but the derp-petition from Serious is so great, more is needed to counteract it. Can Derpetologist reach deeper into his reserves of despair-inducing retardation and pull of a victory?

      1. Stop sneaking in just before me, Pope-head!

    2. God said it, I believe it, that settles it!

  104. I hope you saved room for dessert, GMSM:

    http://melaniekillingervowell……cebook.png

    1. …aaaand, Derpetologist finds a progressive who literally compares the people he is helping to children!

      Derpetologist is in the zone – unless he goes to bed or runs out of derp, he looks ready to smack down Serious’ challenge.

    1. Ooh, Derpetologist, with a strong hand and and outstretched arm, has driven Serious’ challenge into the sea!

      It’s game, set and match, and Derpetologist has certainly earned his medal tonight! It was a close-run thing, a real nail-biter, and I admit, for a moment I thought he’d lost his crown to a new heir-apparent, but the reigning champion gets to keep his title!

  105. My sister told me about one of her room mates once. She majored in art history and dreamed of being a museum curator. She often bragged, “someday, I will be able to tell the difference between a Monet and a Picasso.”

    My reaction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZX1JCPAXQ

    1. But what’s this? Derpetologist isn’t stopping! Even though Serious has left the field and been outscored, Derpetologist obsessively keeps making goals. He isn’t content to defeat his opponent, he wants to beat the spread!

  106. My sister told me about one of her room mates once. She majored in art history and dreamed of being a museum curator. She often bragged, “someday, I will be able to tell the difference between a Monet and a Picasso.”

    My reaction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZX1JCPAXQ

    1. Wait a minute, hold everything, is this…yes, it’s Serious! He didn’t quit after all! He’s back with a derp neutron bomb, comparing a craft company to slavers, and to the architects of apartheid and Jim Crow!

      This is a stunning development…just when we thought everything was over, Serious is back with a neutron bomb of derp!

      How will Derpetologist react to this shocking reversal?

    1. And Derpetologist recovers promptly from this surprise attack by serious, and responds to Serious’ neutron bomb with a plasma disentegrator cannon from space! Yes, it’s Krugman’s space-alien speech! Oh, that’s gotta hurt!

    1. Hmmm…disappointing, especially as a follow-up to that last one…that cartoon actually has a germ of a point about our one-size-fits-all school system. Initiative passes to Serious…

  107. Seven Conservative Lies About Job Creation—DEBUNKED!!!

    3. Higher wages kill jobs. The GOP constantly yammers about how raising the minimum wage will kill jobs. Yet, over 60 years of data proves them wrong, as shown in the above chart. In fact, the number of jobs ? as shown by higher rates of employment ? often goes up when we raise the minimum wage. In 1950, the minimum wage doubled while jobs increased by 50%. In other years, the jobless rate either stayed the same or declined. The only exception was in the early 1970’s (1970-1975), due to a recession combined with an energy crisis. Also, Australia hiked their minimum wage to $16 USD and was one of the few “advanced” nations to avoid the 2009 global recession.

    These numbers make sense, since anyone who has ever had a windfall knows, when people have more money, they spend more money. Which brings us to our next stupid GOP jobs myth?

    4. Rich people create jobs. Despite nearly 40 years of proof to the contrary, the GOP still insist that rich people are “job creators,” and that’s why we should keep tolerating a system in which just one percent of people control half of the world’s wealth. Nick Hanauer, a card-carrying rich guy worth $1 billion, explained at a TED conference:, rich people don’t create jobs. Consumers with extra money to spend do.

    1. Well, I’ll drop the neutron bomb and disentegrator pistol metaphors, but this not-even-Keynesian stuff is at least the Big Bertha of derp. Serious is still in the game.

    2. I love the Australia argument. Australia is a country with virtually no immigration and which is entirely comprised of middle class white people. It’s got the demographics of Connecticut.

      The argument against higher minimum wages is that the fringe workers, particularly those with no skills, will end up unemployed. For example, Venezuela cranks up their minimum wage ever six months. Because Venezuela doesn’t have the education and wealth of Australia, they have a 9.4% unemployment rate and rampant inflation.

      Here’s Venezuela’s minimum wage over time. It doubled between 2001 and 2009 and has gone up another 30% since. Is anyone stupid enough to argue that this massive increase in the minimum wage has helped Venezuela?

      Again, why do liberal only count countries that are 95% white and middle class when they’re claiming their policies will work? For people who claim to care about non-whites, they sure are intent on ignoring the consequences of left-wing politics in poor, non-white nations.

      The minimum wage wasn’t disastrous in Australia because the affluent Aussies could already command high wages so it didn’t cause much additional unemployment. It had a slightly different impact in Venezuela, Cuba, or Argentina.

      1. Again, why do liberal only count countries that are 95% white and middle class when they’re claiming their policies will work?

        Because 95% White and middle class is the exact demographic description of American Progressives?

      2. Holy fuck, I just found an awesome fact at the bottom of this department of labor minimum wage chart.

        You know how this guy is claiming that the minimum wage doubled in the 50’s which proves how great minimum wage is? Well, the minimum wage went from 75 cents in 1950 to $1.15 in 1961…not exactly a doubling. Secondly, the increase during the 50’s was the result of a 1938 act which, according to the department of labor, only had to do with the following:

        The 1938 Act was applicable generally to employees engaged in interstate commerce or in the production of goods for interstate commerce.

        There was then a 1961 amendment that put a slightly lower minimum wage on people in large retail and service enterprises, followed by a 1966 amendment that extended the minimum wage to farm payroll, hospitals, schools and restaurants.

        So the magical era of 1950’s minimum wage didn’t apply to anyone working in retail, gas stations, schools, restaurants, farms, federal and state employees, dry cleaners, hotels, etc. You read that right: Something like 60% of the American workforce didn’t even qualify for the minimum wage during the ’50s.

        Gee…it seems like if you’re claiming the 50’s were great because of the minimum wage even though the minimum wage didn’t apply to most sectors of the economy during that decade, you should do a bit more research before proving you’re a fucking moron.

    3. I also love that they claim the 50’s were successful because of the minimum wage, not because every other industrialized country had seen their factories destroyed and we immediately began manufacturing like 70% of the world’s total manufactured goods. Meanwhile, the fact that bad things happened when the minimum wage went up in the 1970’s is discounted because of the energy crisis.

      So when good things occur it’s because of the minimum wage, no matter what else is happening in the world, but when bad things occur when the minimum wage is increased, it’s always because of an external factor.

      It’s easy to make statistics prove whatever you want when you just unilaterally discount every data point that conflicts with your argument.

  108. No one can bring derp like Being Liberal:

    http://blog.seattlepi.com/robe…..pc-rep.jpg

    1. And our two contestants, like two bantams, are slicing at each other and drawing blood! This is exciting…

    1. Serious proves that he’s a *Serious* contender with this double whammy of stupidity, which pins two stupid talking points on one of America’s smartest founders – the same Benjamin Franklin whose whole body of work rejects all the cartoonist’s statist assumptions! Nobody can say this fight is boring…

  109. Strike up the Psycho shower murder music:

    **screams**

    1. You could her the horrified, despairing screams for miles as people read that!

      There’s no doubt we’re witnessing an evenly-matched battle between two of our best connoisseurs of derp!

    2. Yeah, well…WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT MADCOW THINKS?

      I guess she’s right…

    1. Well, I don’t know what that did to Serious, but it broke this commenter’s brain. It’s past my bedtime anyway, and as the contest continues fast and furious, it’s I who will slink away exhausted.

      Good luck to our two combatants as they battle into the wee hours, and I’ll just conclude with this upbeat send-off –

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXrJdOD5syo

  110. Wow. That lemonade was deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeRISHous! I believe I will have another glass.

    /FaceTwit

  111. OK, late entry from one not worthy of the competition, but I still think it deserves consideration:

    On The Road To Mandalay|7.2.14 @ 11:01PM|#
    “nrob,
    Obama might be a “fuck up” in your opinion. However, he is President of The United States of America, and you never will be.”
    https://reason.com/blog/2014/07…..si#comment

  112. So, you have chosen Maddow as your weapon. How quaint!

    http://media1.s-nbcnews.com/j/…..News/MSNBC TV/Maddow/Stories/Art/Advocate_cover.grid-4×3.jpg

    1. SF’d the link.

      Oooh, I take that back.

      The link is fine! No need to fix it and uh, unleash more derp, uhh, not that there’s, umm, you know…

  113. Too

    Much

    Derp!

    My cognitive abilities are wasting away as I type. lo0zink abelidee to opera8 meh kompootur. Hive mind invading my dreams. I can’t recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water or touch of grass. I’m naked in the dark, with nothing; no veil between me and the raging derp. I can see it with my waking eyes!

    1. Is the raging derp like the eye of Sauron, only…derpier?

      1. It is!

  114. I save this for when I want to nuke a thread in stupidity. Ahem:

    Finally, I stood in front of the machine and accessed my ballot. I had studied the sample ballot so I could move through the process quickly. When I finished, I reviewed all of my choices.

    At that point, I focused only on the names of Barack Obama and Joe Biden for President and Vice President. And that is when something unexpected happened.

    It must have been the emotion of the moment, all the pent-up turmoil over the worrying about the outcome of this election, the sleepless nights, the late-nite postings here, all of this welled up inside and I cried.

    I cried with pride for the privilege of casting my vote for a great President, Barack Obama. I knew when I saw his name this would be the last time I would have that privilege. So it was with both joy and sorrow I cast my ballot and walked away.

    Time elapsed from when I entered the door until I left: 40 minutes. Every state should have this type of process available for its citizens to exercise their right to vote. That is one of the reasons I am proud to live in the blue state of Maryland.

    I found my car and sat there for a moment to reflect. Well, I have done my part, President Barack Obama, but I know it was just a small measure compared to what you have done for this Country. Thank you for everything you have given this Nation.

    Sam

    1. “He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”

      1. That’s right on the mark.


  115. This is purely about right-wing libertarianism or anarcho-capitalism. This is not at all representative of libertarianism in general. While I get that you might be specifically talking about the Libertarian political party, you should perhaps reconsider your wording because most libertarians are left-wing libertarian socialists such as myself. True original libertarianism is anarcho-communism. If you are not already aware of it then look at a YouTube channel called Libertarian Socialist Rants to see what true libertarianism is about. Libertarianism technically has little to do with economics at all. This video feels more directed at right-wing extremists than anything else.?”

    (Drops flaming bag of shit on porch, rings doorbell, and runs like hell)

    1. “anarcho-communism”

      Uh, “up-downism”?
      Do I have it?

      1. yes, if she floats, she weighs the same as a duck, and so she is a witch!

  116. Jezzies react to Obama’s second inauguration speech

    OH GOD HE STILL LOVES US, EVEN WITH ALL OUR SHIT. America seriously doesn’t deserve this guy. We are so awful.
    crazyshapedlady and 1 more I know I get really ashamed of America sometimes..

    This scene is so beautiful for exactly that reason? you’d think he’d be completely worn out by now, but that’s a look of pride on his face. He’s soaking it all in, and he looks happy and grateful and humble. God, I love that man. Not even an American, over here. I just love that whole family so much; I’m so relieved he’s getting another 4 years. I hope there’s less opposition to change, this time, but maybe that’s naive of me? Fuckit, I’m happier when I’m naive. *La la laaaa hearts and flowers*

    I have this in .gif format and it made me weepy when I saw it, so I saved it.

    It is funny that you write this because when I read FB and other sites, and read all the awful things the red necks and others say about him, it just breaks my heart. Even with all our shit, he wants to be our President.

    Its super silly, but I love the Obamas, Clintons, and Biden with the manic intensity that a 13 year old has for Justin Bieber. I really hate all the crap we give him collectively as a country.

    1. So sad, so sad.

      Simple math, but half the population has below average intelligence, only they’re too stupid to realize it.

      Accordingly, half the population are below average in integrity, honesty, perceptions of self-worth, etc.

      1. That’s not how averages work.

        1. ok, median.

    2. Well, it makes as much sense as this

      1. Hah! that’s the perfect example of every leftist appeal to emotion!

    3. Even with all our shit, he wants to be our President.

      He bears this great burden, for our sake. Make him a saint already!

  117. It is time for the coup de gr?ce.

    First, I must summon the dark lords:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umU8vKRNnRw

      1. I’m pretty sure you two are violating some human rights accord or a strategic weapons ban or both.

  118. Jesus…Christ…this thread could be the setting of next Fallout game. It’s just wasteland and mutated mentally obliterated survivors…there’s nothing the Derp Wars didn’t burn.

    1. I think Derpetologist has been consumed by his own derp.

      1. Like the One Ring, it can only be destroyed, never tamed.

  119. I have searched high and low for this. I poured through the Derponomicon; scoured YouTube and Derpbook, and at long last, I found it. The perfect storm of smug, obnoxious derp.

    Enjoy:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6ZsXrzF8Cc

    In the unlikely event you survive the video with your sanity intact, try reading the comments.

    Ite. Derpa est.

  120. I have searched high and low for this. I poured through the Derponomicon; scoured YouTube and Derpbook, and at long last, I found it. The perfect storm of smug, obnoxious derp.

    Enjoy:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6ZsXrzF8Cc

    In the unlikely event you survive the video with your sanity intact, try reading the comments.

    Ite. Derpa est.

    1. Please stop. Please. I’m begging you. This isn’t human. This is perversion…this is sick.

    2. That’s horrible. Now I hate Ed Asner, and I realize I probably should have been hating him all along.

      1. I realize I probably should have been hating him all along.

        Yes, you should have.

  121. Manifesto of the Fast Food Worker

    Complete with a Soviet-style propaganda poster cover.

    1. Hah! Mere child’s play! This will straighten your curlies:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE2M7g_IWSE

  122. Umm. We’ve all been scarred today. I believe it’s time to begin the derp recovery process.

    Please enjoy some derp-levity.

    Derp laughter is of course the best derp medicine.

    1. It’s Totoros all the way down.

  123. SJW goes on date with law student; hilarity ensues when they discuss Trayvon Martin

    He tried to turn the entire case into something out of a law textbook, completely divorcing it from real life, from the consequences and precedents and actions and reactions. “If there are 99 people and you know one is guilty, do you put them all away or let them all go?” I’m sorry, but did I miss something in the case? Was I too distracted by the thought of late-night ice cream? Were there 99 Zimmermans? Were there 99 Trayvons? Forgive me, O Great Law Student, for I am not as wise as thee and numbers and word problems make my brain hurt.

    I could feel venom surging through my veins, my heart pounded, the wires between my brain and my mouth shut off completely. “An unarmed child was killed,” I spat at him from across the table. His life is over. He’s fucking dead. Period. This isn’t a hypothetical situation, this isn’t numbers, this isn’t statistics. This is a teenager’s life.

    He then proceeded to share with me a completely irrelevant monologue about how one time he was a server and only five people had ever tipped him 0%. “They were all black,” he said. “Is that a coincidence?”

    1. He then proceeded to share with me a completely irrelevant monologue about how one time he was a server and only five people had ever tipped him 0%. “They were all black,” he said. “Is that a coincidence?”

      Girl, just in case you thought you might be able to get past this and want a second date with me, I’m going to plow salt into this field, a lot of salt. Please, please, please, lose my number.

      Or he’s a racist and terrible at reading people, which wouldn’t necessarily surprise me with a law student. Both options are fun.

    2. I am not as wise as thee and numbers and word problems make my brain hurt.

      Oh it just may be the (very slightly) honest SJW.

    3. I think this is unfair. You’re bringing back classic pieces of derp. Pieces that have already been roundly mocked in this community.

    4. I was talking with a prog and said that perhaps the reason young black men have trouble getting cabs at night is because a disproportionate number of violent crimes are committed by young black men. The prog said something like “well, just because that’s true, doesn’t mean it isn’t racist.”

      I also asked her what she thought about the fact that even black cabbies from places like Haiti and Ghana are reluctant to pick up young black men. Are they racist too?

      The original meaning of “racism” has been erased.

      1. “Racist” now means anything and nothing.

  124. Well I’m spent. I feel a lot like Rocky Balboa, I just wanted to go the distance with the champ, Derpollo Creed, in this boxing bout of derp.

    So I just got to say one thing: YO KIBBY, I DID IT!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fsqcIRFbZY

  125. The derp is in the air today. So I stupidly posted on my FB status about the Hobby Lobby situation and here were the tenents to the status:

    1. Take away the power that the employers have over their employee’s health care by eliminating the tax incentives and mandates that make that current reality possible.
    2. Hobby Lobby by not paying for some of the BC while shitty aren’t infringing on anyone’s rights.
    3. Tackle the issues that make our health care costs artificially high such as allowing price transperency and competition along with purchasing health insurance across the state lines.

    I got called an mysogynist pig, I was accused of mansplaining, and accused of not caring about women. I just want to get off of this fucking Earth.

    1. I’ve been avoiding Facebook for other reasons, but no doubt there would be an overwhelming amount of Hobby Lobby derp in my feed, so I’m not at all tempted to look.

  126. Who knows, but the American people seem to be slowly learning even with an MSM that’s more than happy to cover up for Obama.

    The Obama presidency is what you get when a bunch of racists vote based on skin color.

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